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Source: (consider it) Thread: A Truth Universally Acknowledged...
ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346

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quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
[Blah, blah, blah, cat stuff...]
I decided to stay outside and sit on my doorstep with a book in one hand and a cat in the other. A very calming occupation.

quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
Very many apologies. This nonsense should have been posted on another thread.

[Killing me] I was wondering if you were suggesting that cuddling the cat was a good way to strike up companionship with the neighbor!

That would be a good plan in a different situation. Sadly in this case the cats are infinitely preferable companions to the neighbour.

[ 10. June 2016, 13:32: Message edited by: ArachnidinElmet ]

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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Walking a dog, however, is supposed to be a good way to meet someone.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

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Unfortunately, the flip side of cats loving me is that dogs, in general, tend to see me as a between-meal snack.

Although, having a dog's fangs attached to my leg probably would result in me meeting all sorts of people...

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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

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Sipech
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# 16870

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quote:
Originally posted by Hedgehog:
Although, having a dog's fangs attached to my leg probably would result in me meeting all sorts of people...

Nurses, I should imagine.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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jacobsen

seeker
# 14998

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Gender equality - some would be male!

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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Walking a dog, however, is supposed to be a good way to meet someone.

You're probably more likely to meet other dog-owners, especially when one dog gets up front and personal with another. Or tangles their lead around someone's legs.

Having said that, walking the dog certainly worked for someone I knew who was the carer for her elderly father. The daily walk in the park was about the only break she got, but that way she met another dog-owner who was a carer for his aged uncle. She married him (the dog-owner, not the aged uncle).

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Piglet
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A friend of ours met the lady he subsequently married while shopping in the middle of the night in the local 24-hour Sainsbury's.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Walking a dog, however, is supposed to be a good way to meet someone.

You're probably more likely to meet other dog-owners, especially when one dog gets up front and personal with another. Or tangles their lead around someone's legs.
In one particularly memorable incident, I was out for a walk in a busy local park with my then-girlfriend and her roommate's very cute and energetic puppy. Leash was in one hand, TGF was holding my other one, when we're approached by a pair of young women, who proceeded to Very Obviously start flirting with the Very Obviously Not Available dude holding the leash. By the time the eyelash batting and posing ended, I had about wrapped myself around the TGF (I swear, if I'd tried to make it any more obvious that THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND WHOM I LIKE VERY, VERY, MUCH, I would have been arrested and placed on at least a few unsavory registries), much to her amusement.

I've thought about borrowing a husky from the local shelter and taking walks a few times. Not that this would be a very good pickup strategy, mind, given that I become just a bit stupid around huskies (analogous to this), but it's a thought.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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**bump**

We're due for a Hostly Hoover, so I'm moving this thread out of the way of it.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
**bump**

I thought the bump was the "cabbage patch" thread. Seems a bit premature for here.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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**groan**

Don't let the door hit you on the way out! [Big Grin]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19750 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Evelien
Apprentice
# 18655

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Just take a look @[deleted] you should see everything here.

[deleted spam link ... we don't want to see everything, thank you very much]

[ 29. August 2016, 10:55: Message edited by: Alan Cresswell ]

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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suggest that looks like spam without bothering to click on it.

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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Alan Cresswell

Mad Scientist 先生
# 31

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Bye, bye spammer.

Alan
Ship of Fools Admin

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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**bump**

Just avoiding the Hostly Hoover. [Big Grin]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Clint Boggis
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# 633

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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
**bump**

Just avoiding the Hostly Hoover. [Big Grin]

No!! Don't clear it out!!

Where do single Christians go to meet someone?

For years I went to a thriving church which kept banging on about families but mostly, opportunities to escape singledom were pretty scarce. The only period when this wasn't the case was a couple of years when I had a serious girlfriend, though I still notice other possibilities.

Since then I've joined social groups for Christian singles but everyone is cautious and I haven't been in one of those for a few years.

Now what? I'm not too sad. I think not being near a (UK) city and not settled in a church (at least a decade now) means even meagre opportunities there are beyond reach.

Should I try hanging around in bars?


(PS What happened to Tiglet's Dating Agency?)

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Ariel
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# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by Clint Boggis:
(PS What happened to Tiglet's Dating Agency?)

AFAIK the members got married and are raising families. It seemed to have worked for a lot of them.

You could start your own. Boggis's Dating Agency?

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Clint Boggis
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# 633

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Clint Boggis:
(PS What happened to Tiglet's Dating Agency?)

AFAIK the members got married and are raising families. It seemed to have worked for a lot of them.

You could start your own. Boggis's Dating Agency?

Yes, though when I read your reply I was thinking of Tiglet's actual, real-life TDA dinner party in Herts, which around eight of us attended. Tiglet's married and a long way from here now; Soggy Amphibian I think is fixed up, as are Quizmaster, Atlanta, Welsh Dragon and the lady whose screen name escapes me. We had a very good evening and slept over.

Was TDA in Heaven or All Saints? I remember someone in that thread offered his 'profile' but turned out to be a married cleric, thinking it was all 'just for a laugh' rather than real people seeking a possible alternative to a solitary life. As a result, I and others had a rather queasy feeling that we were in a goldfish bowl, mere salacious entertainment for onlookers.

It could work again, I suppose: BDA / "Seeking Mrs Boggis"?

I also remember in those long-lost days whenever Ship discussion turned to singleness, someone would pipe up and claim that were were 'too choosy' and say they dated several girls in the church before marrying their wife, as though it was normal for everyone at the appropriate time of their life to attend a church with a choice of several potential partners! Surely most of us have (almost) no choice and so end up single or looking elsewhere.

I also remember Ken (RiP) agreeing that opportunities to meet suitable potential Christian partners are very limited and he was in London.

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Curiosity killed ...

Ship's Mug
# 11770

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Projecting madly, I suspect that ken would have loved to have dated someone, but was aware of his past dating history, present situation and all the reasons why other relationships failed. That doesn't necessarily make people leap towards new relationships.

(Several single women of varying ages attend the London meets. I'm one of them.)

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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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Deputy Verger
Shipmate
# 15876

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And I'm another... though "varying ages" don't tend to vary very young.

I fell overboard some months ago and have just clambered back onto the Ship. Still by far the best procrastination tool I have ever found.

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by Clint Boggis:
Was TDA in Heaven or All Saints?

That, I don't remember. If you are serious about such a thread I suggest checking with a host first.

quote:
I also remember Ken (RiP) agreeing that opportunities to meet suitable potential Christian partners are very limited and he was in London.
I can only say that if you go for specifically Christian groups the eligible pool certainly seems to be smaller.

Incidentally, re online dating agencies, do read the small print. Some of the ones online are subsets of larger organizations, and you may find that your profile has been fed through to other sites. Then again you might not, but no harm in checking.

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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When the parting words on a first date are "It was nice to meet you" one can be fairly confident there won't be a second. [Roll Eyes]

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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MarsmanTJ
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# 8689

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I had a first coffee date on Monday with a rather stunning girl from a large dating site. Both of us are rather busy over the next two weeks, so have arranged to try and go out for a proper meal on the 14th. Have added each other on WhatsApp and chatting in a low-key way... trying to strike the balance between not appearing too keen and yet wanting to keep the conversation alive.
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Good luck, Marsman! [Smile]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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Yam-pk
Shipmate
# 12791

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Good luck MarsmanTJ! [Yipee]

Was stressing out over Christmas - girl from my church popped up on the same dating website as I'm currently on. I was on the verge of phoning her on a flimsy pretext to ask her out but she said she had a migraine so I didn't...

Now wrestling with a) not wanting to ruin the friendship with hideous amounts of awkwardness if she says no , b) have actually had a crush on her for some time and agonising whether to ask her out for coffee, and c) not wanting to potentially get into a relationship because we both might be moving cities at some point in the next 2 years...oh lorks!! [Confused] [Confused] [Confused]

**NB My sister has told me to stop acting like a teeenage girl but I reckon that would be an insult to teenage members of the opposite gender!**

[ 05. January 2017, 13:18: Message edited by: Yam-pk ]

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Welease Woderwick

Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424

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Years ago I was on a management training course and we all had to come up with a relevant snappy one-liner and I came up with:

The Only Way To Do It - Is To Do It

Sometimes I have found this applicable in personal relationships and life in general, too.

[Apologies to a certain sportswear company]

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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details

What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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Yam-pk - if you're friends already, I'd have thought that asking her to join you for a cup of coffee would be a perfectly natural thing to do.

Do you only see each other at actual church services, or are you both in the choir/youth group/bell-ringers/whatever? If the latter, would it work to ask her to join you for coffee or a drink after choir practice*/ringing practice*/whatever?

* If either of these, in my experience they go for a drink after rehearsals anyway. [Big Grin]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19750 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688

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Yam-pk: I married my best mate so that should encourage you that these things absolutely can work out.

The only word of warning I would give is this: don’t be ambiguous. If you’re asking her out on a date, make it clear that’s what you’re doing. She may say no, which would suck and cause some embarrassment for a while. But on the whole I think a friendship can recover from that, because at least you’ve been fair and honest. The fuzzy in-between zone where you hang out without the intentions being clear (are we hanging out as friends or is this something else) makes things much more awkward if it doesn’t work out.

OTOH, it may work out for you [Big Grin] *crosses fingers*

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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FWIW (and I'm decades away from the dating scene) lunch dates involve less commitment than evening ones.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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Hey Yam-pk

If I was joining a new dating site, and someone from my own local church turned out to be on it already, the awkwardness of dealing with any unwanted approach from that person might make me find another site pretty quick. If, OTOH, on reflection I thought an approach from that person might be fun or interesting...I might leave my profile up! (And maybe I might have even put a profile up on that particular website knowing they were already there...who knows [Smile] ).

Good luck.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Yam-pk
Shipmate
# 12791

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Please accept my apologies for not thanking you all very much for you advice and support. Hoping to screw up my courage at the end of the month when we're having a social @ church will kerp you posted [Smile] [Hot and Hormonal]
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MarsmanTJ
Shipmate
# 8689

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Three brilliant dates and lots of texting in between... and after date three, one text. Worried I've come on too strong, or not strong enough. Hate this stage of dating where it's not 'defined' as a relationship, but also unsure of where you stand. Hope this is going somewhere, I REALLY like this girl.
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927

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Bump.

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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.

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Sola gratia
Apprentice
# 14065

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*bump again*

This might be as good a place as any to ask...

Having recently made my way finally up the candle/to a decidedly Greenbelt-y kind of faith, and finally feeling ready to look for a Significant Other, I am wondering how one goes about finding a nice, progressive lad who's into that, or at least me?

Am fortunately in London so in theory my pool is larger, but go to a (very lovely) small local church where all other similarly aged folk are very much female, married, gay or a combination of the three, and thus not for me.

Yes, I have tried a bit online, on and off.
The obvious Christian site features either people not on my wavelength at all (massively evangelical, massively Tory, or both, not to put too fine a point on it - which are Not For Me) or a limited number that are who are very distant geographically. Secular sites are often full of blokes who are ambiguous as to intentions, and I'm not in it for a quick shag (or one anytime soon tbh), so I'm unsure how to market myself.

Obviously face to face meeting is preferable but unsure where to go really.
I like to think I am friendly, like meeting new people etc. but don't know how socialising is done in Anglo-Catholic/Progressive etc. circles as I come from more an Evo/Baptist background.
Make eyes at someone at evensong?!

Any tips? [Help]
Bridget Jones of South London

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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment - Bill Bailey

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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179

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Hi Sola gratia

My local(ish) retreat centre occasionally runs singles events, might it be worth seeing if there is anything like this in your neck of the woods?

N.B. I have just bitten the bullet and contacted them about attending the next one [Ultra confused]

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Maius intra qua extra

Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box

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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564

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quote:
Originally posted by Sola gratia:

Obviously face to face meeting is preferable but unsure where to go really.
I like to think I am friendly, like meeting new people etc. but don't know how socialising is done in Anglo-Catholic/Progressive etc. circles as I come from more an Evo/Baptist background.
Make eyes at someone at evensong?!

You jest, but trying out Evensong at a different/larger A-C place that might have a young man or two might be a way of meeting new people, even if none of them turn out to be romantic interests.

At my last London church (fairly progressive A-C), the collection of young(er) folks used to get together for a meal or something fairly regularly, and a couple of couples formed from within that social group.

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leo
Shipmate
# 1458

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Young men in anglo-catholic congregations tend not to be 'the marrying kind.'

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My Jewish-positive lectionary blog is at http://recognisingjewishrootsinthelectionary.wordpress.com/
My reviews at http://layreadersbookreviews.wordpress.com

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ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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quote:
Originally posted by leo:
Young men in anglo-catholic congregations tend not to be 'the marrying kind.'

Hmmm. Not by any means always the case. Speaking as one who would far rather they weren't.

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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

Posts: 2147 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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quote:
Originally posted by Sola gratia:
... Make eyes at someone at evensong?!

Have you thought of joining the choir? It worked for me ... [Big Grin]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19750 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sola gratia
Apprentice
# 14065

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quote:
Originally posted by leo:
Young men in anglo-catholic congregations tend not to be 'the marrying kind.'

Oh, I am aware. Going to an Inclusive Church(TM) does have that effect (happily - the more the merrier in my book [Axe murder] ).

Perhaps I was too flippant re:Evensnog (deliberate Spoonerism). Am definitely considering branching out and making some ecumenical visits to other congregations of an evening to heighten the odds. Nothing ventured, eh...

Retreat Day might be an idea, thanks Kitten. Went on a lovely one recently so am all for the concept regardless.

In the meantime I have half-heartedly resurrected my account for Teh Online Datingz and have amazingly ended up in a lovely chat with a nice man... based in Leicestershire. Oh well.

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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment - Bill Bailey

Posts: 20 | From: England | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged
ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346

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If you manage to crack the formula, Sola gratia, feel free to pass it on [Biased]

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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka

Posts: 1832 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
leo
Shipmate
# 1458

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quote:
Originally posted by Sola gratia:
Perhaps I was too flippant re:Evensnog (deliberate Spoonerism). A

But if Evensnog is followed by Benders...

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My reviews at http://layreadersbookreviews.wordpress.com

Posts: 23073 | From: Bristol | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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Well, I stuck my neck out again. Got it duly chopped with the knife of [nice bloke, but nothing more than that]. Again. [brick wall]

Now have to spend the rest of the month paying off the credit card bill. It's a game for rich young men, not me. Time to call it a day and stare at the 2nd half of my 30s with an added load of cynicism and ennui.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

Posts: 3723 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012  |  IP: Logged
la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688

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Oh mate.

(And why can’t I come up with anything else to say that’s not a cheesy platitude?)

Have a hug if you want one.

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

Posts: 3621 | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Sipech:
Well, I stuck my neck out again. Got it duly chopped . . . . Now have to spend the rest of the month paying off the credit card bill. It's a game for rich young men, not me.

I've been known to spend money on young men who I thought would appreciate the gesture. My experience is that they either (a) keep looking for more or (b) forget all about you after their monetary needs have been satisfied.

That said, I've often fantasized about how I would help out certain young men big-time if I ever won the lottery. Probably why God hasn't yet revealed the winning numbers to me (although I keep hoping he will).

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"Stop your noisy songs; I do not want to listen to your praise bands." -- Amos 5:23, Good News Bible (modified)

Posts: 10339 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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I have yet to pluck up the courage to tell an old friend (widowed some 6 years ago) that I'd like to be rather more than an old friend.

Holding me back is that our children don't get along very well. That and the fear that if I tell OF I'd like it to be more than friendship I'll end up with nothing.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4716 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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Sounds too important to handle by anything other than a carefully-worded letter to me, L'O. Along the lines of 'In a rather unformed way these kinds of thoughts have sometimes occurred to me, and before I dismiss them out of hand and preserve our valuable friendship, I thought I might enquire as to whether you found anything in them worth rescuing.' Or something...

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

Posts: 1543 | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged
L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338

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We get together once a year for what we call an air-clearing session so I may bring it up then. In the meantime I'm going to sound out my children about why they don't particularly get alone with hers: maybe its because they're 2 sets of identical twins born within days of each other???

The other thing is to suss out whether the old friend's occasional "walker" (I think thats the term for a male companion who provides a single lady with a partner when one is required) is anything more than that - if he is then I'm in deep trouble because he's under 40, looks like a Greek God and, from the two times I've met him, thinks she's the bees-knees.

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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet

Posts: 4716 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged
Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686

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Not that I have a track record to boast about - at all - but, Mark, I'm not keen on the letter idea. Perhaps an "air clearing" session followed up with a "how about lunch next week", and the week after, and the week after....

As for the respective children not getting on, well, tough for them. They're adults, and like proper adults can sod off. LO, it's your happiness, not theirs, that is paramount. When my mother and stepfather got married, there was no guarantee that the kids (all adults) would get on well. We didn't, especially, but we left the older folk to get on with their lives together, for 22 years.

[ 15. October 2017, 22:45: Message edited by: Pangolin Guerre ]

Posts: 670 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016  |  IP: Logged
Gracious rebel

Rainbow warrior
# 3523

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Whereas I thought Mark's letter idea was spot on.

I am the sort of person who would much rather express myself in writing when it comes to saying hard and important things, and I thought the form of words Mark suggested was nothing less than inspired for this situation.

There are people like me (and I guess Mark as well) who struggle to say what they mean to say when doing so face to face, and worry unduly that they will get it wrong, so using a letter can give one the opportunity to carefully chose words that best convey the message, and maybe also to address concerns that may arise in the reader.

I have used this technique regularly throughout my life. It doesn't mean that there are never times when a face to face confrontation is necessary, but I do find it best to keep these to a minimum.

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Fancy a break beside the sea in Suffolk? Visit my website

Posts: 4399 | From: Suffolk UK | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged



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