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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: chasing the Black Dog - a depression support thread
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I have had my fourth session of EMDR. They are once a fortnight. Each appointment with the psychologist lasts an hour, though not all of that is EMDR.
It's been amazing. Firstly, the psycholgist is very empathic and affirming. She won't let me say "My baby died, BUT I have two healthy children, which is more than most, and so I have to focus on being grateful." Far from telling me to get a grip (which is what I tell myself!) she tells me loosen my grip. And hopefully by loosening my grip, I might be able to let it go.
She has also suggested that my family might not have a genetic predisposition towards mental illness (one of my closest blood relatives is currently sectioned) but instead might have all learned coping strategies which don't work. We might have a learned response common to the whole family which actually screws us up. The more I think about this, the more things I think of which suggest this is true.
I don't know if the EMDR works, but the sessions as a whole leave me completely wrung out. I do feel this is doing me a lot of good.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
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Posted
All sounds sensible to me NEQ and I hope it proves very useful to you ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
Yes indeed. Loosing one's grip (as opposed to losing it!) can be a real relief.
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
(((NEQ)))
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
interesting stuff about learned responses. I'm glad to hear that the therapy seems unseful NEQ.
After an initial burst of energy after going off those anti-psychotics which helped me trim a hedge and spread out a half-meter of scree I'm back into a more normal pattern. The morning grumps seem to have gone though, and I'm slowly learning to get to sleep without chemical assistance. The Jesus Prayer helps with that, in terms of resting the mind, but not so far tonight. I'll give it another burl now.
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
to clarify, I went of the anti-psychotics on Dr's advice. I always try to do what my Dr tells me to do. Don't go off your meds unless your Dr tells you to.
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Love and prayers to all. My brain has been a bit busy lately - been struggling to shut off the noise in my head. But I think things are starting to calm down.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
I'm sat here silently hot, wet eyed after reading this page and the first. I'll read all. For my sins.
Off for a significant blood test result. And I've really buggered up my right foot. Everything hurts starting with that. And I haven't attended church proper since Remembrance Sunday. It's too depressing! But it's getting to me that I, we don't go. And there's even a Wiki page on Church attendance and the reasons why one SHOULD. Then there's mother 24/7 ... and my sarn't major 'tendencies'. And my youngest - 30 - back home. Coked out yesterday in another city I had to go collect him from. My sister losing her career affecting managing mother (banks and power of attorney and ...) ... Exogenous meets endogenous!
And off we go!
It's a lovely day.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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MaryLouise
Shipmate
# 18697
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Posted
EM
Martin60 and family
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“As regards plots I find real life no help at all. Real life seems to have no plots.”
-- Ivy Compton-Burnett
Posts: 646 | From: Cape Town | Registered: Nov 2016
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Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
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Posted
Martin, just to say I hope the tests are okay and the rest sorts out soon ![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
{{Martin}}
Sounds as if you're really going through the mill.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
You swines! You made my eyes get hot again. Well the blood test gave me another 6 month reprieve. And I burst in to tears outside the doctor's. I ask you. Nobody saw. Can I still be depressed? I'm icing the foot till it turns black and soggy after going to a physio in the headspace afforded by the test.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
God I'm glad I'm not there right now Martin, and I hope you won't be too.
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
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Posted
I don't know Martin, but I cried buckets in front of the consultant when I got the all clear for a cancer test a bit back. Glad to hear about the reprieve and hope the black dog keeps firmly away!
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Martin, I too cried when the surgeon said that my breast lump wasn't cancer. I think tears in those circumstances come from relief, rather than depression.
I believe that tears can be healing. I know that when we were experiencing earthquakes every day I cried more than I have ever done in my life, not when the shaking started (I was too scared), but after to release the tension and, in a weird kind of way, to celebrate that I was still alive.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Hugs for Martin and all weepers. Tears can be prayers too.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
for all depressed, manic, etc., both here and elsewhere--especially Martin and his family.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
Just all stop being so bloody nice and tell me to cowboy up or something.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
I suppose I could do a Father Ted line if you think it might help Martin ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Martin
Yes, you can. Low mood is a common but not necessary symptom of depression. I got that type the only time I have actually been diagnosed. I was completely and utterly exhausted all the time. No energy for any emotion even unhappiness. In the early stages of recovery, the effect of a serotonin inhibitor was to make me smiley.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
simontoad - it can't hurt.
Jengie Jon - thank you. I rarely get to that flat state. But I know it. Ten years ago I couldn't read for six months. There are so many exogenous factors but I can usually, every day, distract myself, live in the moment. But that does feel under threat at the moment due to a mobility threatening increase in chronic pain. And a hand grenade of domestic uncertainty just this morning. The news is relentlessly depressing and there is no Christian response. I'm starting to smile! I burst out laughing this morning at the domestic. It was that bad
Eeee, ups and downs eh? And downs. In to every life a little category five hurricane must fall.
Need to get back on Waving...
Dunno what to do now I've empirically proved a bunch of fellow amateur botanists disappointingly wrong. Go get a flu shot from the chemist. Oooooh! Shadows on my desk!! The sun's out somewhere.
Sorry. I do not mean to discourage.
[ 23. September 2017, 11:48: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
I shall watch and wait for the best opportunity Martin, and do a Father Ted quote when and where you least expect it, ninja style. Hopefully it will work like a shock is supposed to when you have the hiccoughs. ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Found a video on facebook yesterday of someone laughing and joking with his family over different flavoured jelly beans just hours before he committed suicide.
There is no right way to do depression.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
Bugger! So I CAN die laughing at my own hand?! Or is it big up and then BIG down?
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
I don't know, I just know not to assume with depression.
Actually, I do know there is a state where laughter is able to interrupt other darker emotions. It provides a temporary respite from the dark clouds; sort of like the very bright sun that peeps out between thunderclouds. An interesting question to ask is, does it feel natural or is it too bright? If natural then probably fine, if too bright be cautious.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
Most wise, thank you.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie jon:
An interesting question to ask is, does it feel natural or is it too bright? If natural then probably fine, if too bright be cautious.
Indeed, this is great wisdom and chimes with my experience.
I've been catching up on this thread and thinking of all posting here. And those who feel unable to post.
I'm thankful that my Black Dog is pretty somnolent just now. Still having weekly counselling; recently considered reducing it to fortnightly but couldn't face it.
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Martin--
quote:
Originally posted by Martin60:
Bugger! So I CAN die laughing at my own hand?!
Why? Is your hand particularly funny? Great at knock-knock jokes?
Seems like taking it on a road show tour would be more fun.
![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
Groan. That weakens my will to live. Not you, my solecism. The ambiguity of it all. Nothing can remove it can it? Neither comma, nor full stop.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
My sunny disposition re-asserts itself despite back ache and a cold on top of metatarsalgia. Must be fucking bipolar! No I'm not I know and that's an insult to sufferers I know, but I do wonder sometimes. I can be cheerfully miserable.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Let me take your quip about bi-polar a bit more seriously than you intended it as a starting point. Many people with bipolar do not get straight manic episodes but do get mixed episodes. Now I connect that with my own experience to say that it is totally possible to feel two contrasting moods at the same or very close to each other and one does not negate the other. My most recent experience was on a recent holiday when there were times when I was miserable but also felt comforted (in the old sense, strengthened or resourced maybe better). That does not make me bi-polar but it does mean that I can see the potential for individuals even if not bipolar experiencing something like you are.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
Nenya: ; go as often as you need and do not feel guilty about it. There is no rush.
Martin: I've had a humour bypass so I can think of no witty comebacks like others: so you'l have to make do with a I have mild bipolar and was no way offended - the ups and downs can feel like you want to name something in the hope of understanding it. Ambiguity is tough.
And s for all here - posters and readers alike.
Not depression, but I feel a bit manic currently. After 2 weeks in bed with the flu I'm in a maniacal mood. A long weekend ahead in which I hope I can calm down a bit.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
I was married to bipolarity, unbeknownst, for 25 years out of 26. I always thought it was my fault, that was the folie à deux narrative. Until the final year. The rapidly changing mixed state is a horrible, tragic, frightening, clever thing to helplessly behold.
And yes, I do feel it's a metaphor for non-clinical or 'normal' but perceptibly relatively rapid and concurrent mood change. Learned even?
Cross posted Ian, thanks. You will be a hind let loose!
[ 28. September 2017, 08:37: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
I had a friend who was bipolar and always thought the highs sounded horrible. Recently I had a reaction to newly prescribed thyroxine that worried me so I looked up the Mayo Clinic's entry on possible side effects. The phrase false sense of euphoria hit me fair and square between the eyes.
I don't know if it is similar to the high people with bipolar experience, but it was really scary, like the feeling of running downhill, and knowing that sooner or later you're going to fall.
Huia
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
My observation is that they don't know that while they're in it.
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
During my most awful period, when I was gambling like a bastard, I kept visiting some friends every Friday night and we would get ripped and play cards and laugh. I'd forget about what was going on for a few hours and be really happy, but be straight back to the casino, often straight from their house. Thank God it was 15 years ago.
Anyway, the point is that yes, you can get temporary holidays from the shite, and the shite is still there when you stop laughing.
But the thing I also got from those friends was acceptance and forgiveness from people who were far from obliged to give me those things. That was a critical part of my conversion experience and my recovery, both of which began with achieving my desire to stop destroying myself, just once. After I resisted an urge to gamble for the first time I found hope again.
[ 29. September 2017, 12:32: Message edited by: simontoad ]
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Mood a bit low. Hopefully just Monday. And October. And...
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
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Posted
EM I hope it passes soon
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
EM
My mood, on the other hand, is a bit manic. I'm charging around like a maniac doing 1,000 things at once. I suppose noticing it, for once, is a good sign. Off to the doctor today to see if he can suggest anything.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
noticing is a brilliant sign.
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Erroneous Monk:
Mood a bit low. Hopefully just Monday. And October. And...
Prayer and sympathies. My bad month is November.
Nen - bracing herself.
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Just turned up here for a hug if anyone's got one going. Wow but my job brings me down sometimes. But that's not depression, that's just the general bummer of being a working ethnic minority woman in a very white male dominated profession.
Yesterday I was crazy anxious - today I think that might have passed.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
Here's one -
{{EM}}
Hang on in there...
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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