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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: chasing the Black Dog - a depression support thread
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Bene Gesserit
Shipmate
# 14718
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Posted
{{EM}}
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Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Posts: 405 | From: Flatlands of the East | Registered: Apr 2009
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Hugs from over here too.
{{{EM}}}
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Thank you all so much :'-)
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
late to the hug party again (((EM)))
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
I think that turned into a {{Group}}, but hopefully it helped, EM.
I guess we all need one, now that the days are getting short, the leaves falling, the wind and rain occurring etc. (well, in the Northern wossname, anyway).
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
{{{{{all of us, and anyone else in need}}}}}
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Thinking of all of you on this dark Monday morning
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
Yes, it's rather grey and dismal here, too.
Another {{Group}} for all who find Monday the worst day of the week...
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Well, it's spring here and we too have one of those mornings. The sea mist has lifted in the hour since I got up, but the day doesn't look much better.
Despite that I'm hoping that a long walk will lift my spirits.
Thinking of all now going into winter.
Juia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Erroneous Monk:
Thinking of all of you on this dark Monday morning
Early spring here but very dark with more disappointing clouds. We need rain and they promise rain for weeks no. Some of the state had good falls, but not Sydney where September was the driest on record.
So dark I had to turn kitchen light on to cook breakfast., just before 7:00am.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
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Posted
I always feel bad that I never post on this thread despite starting it! I have been relatively absent thanks to starting an Access course at a local college (for non-UK people, an Access course is a sort of intensive pre-university course for those who have been out of education/without traditional qualifications) but today submitted my first piece of academic work in many years (my mental health and deadlines have never mixed well), managed to finish it and tidy it up while in the middle of a bad depressive episode and actually really enjoyed writing it. It's such a small thing but feels like a huge achievement.
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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
Small, maybe, but Life is made up of lots of small things, as well as the big ones.
Well done!
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Excellent news, Pomona - glad to hear that your academic activities are helping to keep your Black Dog at bay.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
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Posted
Also, one of my coursemates has a black guide dog in classes with her, so I have a friendly black dog with me rather than a nasty one! ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Yay Pomona Best wishes for the rest of the course.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
Yay Pomona indeed! Well done, and hurrah for friendly and nice black dogs.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Never feel bad about this thread, Pomona. It being here helps me all the time, and that is thanks to you.
Glad to hear about your course - sounds all good.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
November is historically a difficult month for me and this year it seems to have arrived early. Usually Christmas is the light at the end of the tunnel (I love Christmas) but this year for the first time one of the Nenlets isn't coming home which is upsetting me more than I feel it should.
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif) Nenya.
I've had a 450mg increase [from 900mg] in my lithium to try and counterbalance the mood swings. We'll see how it goes. Ah...why do I have such a love/hate relationship with medication?
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
((Nenya)) ((IC))
I'm also struggling with time of year and trying to get more light.
And I'm finding working on my firm's Brexit team is causing me to alternate between rage and sadness... But I tend to think that's a logical response rather than part of my illness.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
always good to be able to spot the difference EM.
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
Ian, medication adjustments are difficult. I hope things settle down for you very soon.
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Erroneous Monk:
... I'm also struggling with time of year and trying to get more light ...
I take it you've tried daylight boxes?
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
I have a lightbox which is great. I keep it in my desk drawer at work. Now I work at home a lot too I need to get one for home as well I think.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
I had not heard of a light box before. Glad it is great, EM, and prayers and best wishes for light in the darkness and frustrations of work.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
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Posted
I’ve found a lightbox beneficial, though I still take some medication.
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
I appreciate the hugs, thank you, and am thinking of all who are struggling. I wish there were easy answers. I wish I knew what to say to make things feel better for us all.
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
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Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106
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Posted
My apologies for not posting more often - I often read this thread but can only post from one computer!
Very much love and prayers to all who post here, and those who might be reading and wanting to.
A particular hope & prayer for those finding the move into November & December so hard.
Posts: 801 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2009
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:
I wish there were easy answers.
Indeed.
for all here; posters and readers.
Do any of you have well-meaning people in your life who give the easy answers? e.g. "I just read about <famous person> who had depression, and he said standing on his head while humming La Marseillaise and only eating puréed beetroot was how he beat it. You should try that." Do you just nod politely and instantly dismiss the idea? Or engage? Or something else? I've tried engaging...people just seem to get upset (I can understand: they want to solve my issue) when you try and hint, or explicitly state, there are no easy answers.
edit: left off a 'g'
[ 29. October 2017, 03:02: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pomona: It's such a small thing but feels like a huge achievement. [/QB]
Thinking back to my (now 20 year-old) MA course, no writing is small - it really is huge.
Congratulations! ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:
I wish there were easy answers.
Indeed.
for all here; posters and readers.
Do any of you have well-meaning people in your life who give the easy answers? e.g. "I just read about <famous person> who had depression, and he said standing on his head while humming La Marseillaise and only eating puréed beetroot was how he beat it. You should try that." Do you just nod politely and instantly dismiss the idea? Or engage? Or something else? I've tried engaging...people just seem to get upset (I can understand: they want to solve my issue) when you try and hint, or explicitly state, there are no easy answers.
edit: left off a 'g'
I remember my Old Man announcing, having read a book, "Oppenheimer was depressed, you know" as if this would be somehow comforting to me. Was he hoping that my depression might mean I had hitherto untapped bomb-building talent?
I can smile about it now....
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106
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Posted
Yeah, I have those. I've had them for Child A when she had anxiety too.
People are upset when you dispute what they're saying, I think because they genuinely want to help, and because some of them feel that you're having a go at them personally. They want to help, and I'm denying them that. Its not my place to make them feel happy for wanting to help though.
So now I just smile, nod and say thank you, and then pointedly move the conversation elsewhere. It's a use of emotional energy I can't spare to engage with them.
These are different from true friends, ofc, who get to hear everything. But then true friends don't offer simple answers...
Posts: 801 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2009
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
Do any of you have well-meaning people in your life who give the easy answers? e.g. "I just read about <famous person> who had depression, and he said standing on his head while humming La Marseillaise and only eating puréed beetroot was how he beat it. You should try that."
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Well, you never know. It might be the one thing that none of us has tried that does actually work!
Yes, many well-meaning people with easy answers. They can be the Crassly Simplistic - "God loves us and is in control. You mustn't be fearful/depressed/anxious/afraid." "Have you tried thinking positive/counting your blessings/cultivating an attitude of gratitude?" Or they can be the Spiritual Fixers. "You should concentrate on the spiritual disciplines. Read the Psalms."
I wish I could say I'm strong enough to engage but such things generally catch me when I'm feeling vulnerable so my usual reaction is to put my defences up and resolve not to let them down again with that particular person. Afterwards I'm angry about it and have to remind myself that they're only trying to help. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
My late OH suffered from profound depression and anxiety all his life--but it gave us both a certain amount of glee when my mother announced, 'Why doesn't he get himself a little joie de vivre? And a toupée!' It became a household saying.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
I gave up worrying about hair loss when I went bald....now I worry about sunburn/sunstroke etc. if my Hat should blow off/be stolen...
Re well-meaning 'friends', the one that made me ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif) was our dear Father Fuckwit, who, on being told that I suffered from depression, said, 'A Christian should never be depressed!'.
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
... Father Fuckwit, who, on being told that I suffered from depression, said, 'A Christian should never be depressed!'
I know very little about depression, but even I can see the fuckwittage in a comment like that.
What a plank.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Amos's mother gets a pass for being (unwittingly?) hilarious. Father Fuckwit on the other hand, well, words desert me.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Jemima the 9th
Shipmate
# 15106
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Posted
Joining the queue to give Father Fuckwit one of my best Paddington hard stares.
Joie de vivre and a wig (can't do the other word on this keyboard) sounds like something out of The Good Life (1970s sitcom for the uninitiated.)
Posts: 801 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2009
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Fredegund
Shipmate
# 17952
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Posted
Introduce him to the current Aof C!There's a man who knows his depression.
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Pax et bonum
Posts: 117 | From: Shakespeare's County | Registered: Jan 2014
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
The scene is A & E. A shell-shocked Me is lying on a trolley, having just been diagnosed with a brain tumour the size of an orange. No-one knows, at this stage, whether said tumour is malignant, and likely to kill me in short order, or not.
Enter Father Fuckwit, along with a Very Good Friend, to take me home (I'm suddenly not allowed to drive, on account of fits, so FF is to drive my car). FF's words of comfort are 'I don't like hospitals - they remind me of my own mortality.'
This from a man who describes himself as 'a caring person'...
I am now wondering if the depression I suffered whilst working with him was partly, at any rate, causedby him.
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Fredegund
Shipmate
# 17952
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Posted
One would be inclined to bring him into close and immediate contact with his mortality.
And I would suspect the answer is "yes". Some people can do that without trying. A few spring to mind. Damn, I wish they didn't.
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Pax et bonum
Posts: 117 | From: Shakespeare's County | Registered: Jan 2014
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
An interesting thought.
for all those with Black Dogs (mine is quiet at the moment, just the occasional twitch, and somnolent growl);
for those who inadvertently cause other people's Black Dogs to spring to life.
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
My goodness. The worst advice given to (single) me in an evangelical church -- "Have you had sex? It can cause depression outside marriage." -- pales in comparison to FF. Good grief; some clerics should stick to the pulpit and leave the pastoral care to one suited.
for all here.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Re friends and others who say the wrong thing (thoughtlessly or purposely):
IME, they sometimes say what *they* need to believe is true. Especially if their faith in it is faltering. To the point of ramming it down someone's throat. If they don't/won't back off or apologize, it can severely wreck or end relationships.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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simontoad
Ship's Amphibian
# 18096
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Posted
Love the laughs. Definitely getting a Kim toupee to see if that cures bi-polar. Ahh, mothers. My mum acknowledged my illness was permanent and that I needed to stay on the meds after I told her how I didn't deal with my crippling anxiety by hiding in the bathroom at work. I realised then that she couldn't give good advice because I had shielded her from the awful truth.
love wins, as Martin's sig says.
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Human
Posts: 1571 | From: Romsey, Vic, AU | Registered: May 2014
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I have now had seven sessions of EMDR. Each session lasts an hour, and that hour just whizzes by. I am beyond grateful that the NHS is providing this.
It feels like it is working. I haven't felt that awful void of nothingness. I've had a couple of waves of horrible anxiety, but feeling anxious is so, so much better than the zoned-out feeling. Also, I am sleeping better.
I have something specific to do between each session. After one session, my psychologist suggested taking a photo of my stillborn son out of the box in the drawer where the photos are hidden, and putting it on display. I've put it on a bookshelf in the study, so not on "public" display. And the amazing thing was that I found myself smiling every time I saw it. I loved him. He died many years ago, and it seems the sad had faded but the love went on. But I had been suppressing love! Who knew??
My psychologist has suggested that at the time, instead of grieving, I constructed some coping strategies which didn't work. So I tried to hold these strategies together with metaphorical sellotape, string and bandaid. And as the metaphorical string frayed and the sellotape became brittle, I kept patching up but it just wasn't working. Hopefully the EMDR will clear away all the wobbly carapace!
Also, when I was "zoning out" I was withdrawing from my husband. I have replaced zoning out with some major arguments with the North East Man. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif) But it does feel (to both of us) that we are moving towards something better.
I don't know where this will take me long term, but it does feel hopeful.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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