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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: chasing the Black Dog - a depression support thread
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Theophania
Shipmate
# 16647
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Posted
I've got to get through this, and I will get through this, and I'm working at maintaining the anger and the BORED OF BEING ILL because really, a large part of me wants my physical illness to get worse so I can stay in bed and not have to cope with anything.
Which is ridiculous. Must remember that.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif) for all.
Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2011
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
I had mild SAD when I lived in New Hampshire. Someone suggested that I spend at least a half-hour outside around noon. Even when it was cloudy, enough sunlight came through to help.
This only works for mild SAD.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
My SAD faded dramatically when I no longer had to deal with the short winter days in UK ...
Coming from Orkney (latitude 59°N) this made me chuckle - where you come from is definitely South. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I must confess that even after 25 years I still slightly miss both the almost night-less summers and the dark winters - I found that they balanced each other out and neither bothered me one way or the other, but perhaps I'm just lucky.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
I definitely endorse Moo's idea of getting out and about at lunchtime - when working I forced myself to do this, even if it was just a walk around the Square and it certainly helped AND it made me more efficient in the afternoon.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
((Theophania))
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
I am such an oxygen-thieving waste of space
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
<sits down next to EM, offers coffee, a biscuit and a cushion>
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
I have discovered that almonds have a marked effect on my mood. I had 2 days recently when I had a surge of energy and my low mood lifted. When discussing this with a friend he said he had noticed and wondered why. The only thing I could track that was common to both days was that I had eaten a lot of almonds, so I experimented and it held true for me.
I checked it out with my doctor and she said it was Ok for me to eat more almonds, with the knowledge that my potassium levels will be checked in May. Almonds have a lot of potassium, which isn't good for people with kidney problems or some diabetics. Also an allergic reaction to them isn't uncommon.
I am definitely not a doctor and I don't know how this would work for anyone else, but all I can say is that it seems to be working for me when none of the anti-depressants I've tried do. Also I have my GP's agreement to trying.
Huia
[ 18. March 2014, 01:51: Message edited by: Huia ]
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Yesterday I thought I was feeling better. Today I'm tired and hopeless and somehow disconnected from everything.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Fredegund
Shipmate
# 17952
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Posted
That's the trouble with the black dog - sneaks up on you.
Also feel as though I'm stuck behind a smoky glass screen. Going to try and wallop up with a virtual lumphammer.
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Pax et bonum
Posts: 117 | From: Shakespeare's County | Registered: Jan 2014
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
I don't want to feel like this anymore. But I have to make it to the weekend. After that I get some time off with my family and will probably feel better afterwards.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I'm going outside in the sun (hey, so that's what it looks like! I'd forgotten). That tends to help a bit for me. We've had so many dark days....
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
I've got post-viral dog at the moment, but I now realise that it's just a bigger, uglier version of a beast that's been hanging around for months.
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Surfing Madness
Shipmate
# 11087
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Posted
Something happened a few weeks ago to bring stuff back to me from the past. Since then at most points each day I want to cry, which is really not like me. I'm coping but it does feel like only just at the moment.
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I now blog about all my crafting! http://inspiredbybroadway.blogspot.co.uk
Posts: 1542 | From: searching for the jam | Registered: Feb 2006
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Fredegund
Shipmate
# 17952
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Posted
But you are coping. Congratulations.
Any advice on dealing with the concentration span of a mayfly? Work will notice.
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Pax et bonum
Posts: 117 | From: Shakespeare's County | Registered: Jan 2014
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Today I feel like I'm playing Keepy-uppy with my mood. And I'm really shit at it. And I keep dropping it.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Surfing Madness
Shipmate
# 11087
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Erroneous Monk:
Today I feel like I'm playing Keepy-uppy with my mood. And I'm really shit at it. And I keep dropping it.
I know the feeling. With all my effort I can not drop the ball at work, rest of the time not so much!
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I now blog about all my crafting! http://inspiredbybroadway.blogspot.co.uk
Posts: 1542 | From: searching for the jam | Registered: Feb 2006
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Surfing Madness:
quote:
Originally posted by Erroneous Monk:
Today I feel like I'm playing Keepy-uppy with my mood. And I'm really shit at it. And I keep dropping it.
I know the feeling. With all my effort I can not drop the ball at work, rest of the time not so much!
When I'm mugged by the past like that my strategy is to eat the most healthily I can, get the sleep and exercise I need and have bubble baths. Oh, and above all be kind to myself. Of course it doesn't alaways work, but it helps.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Healthy eating and exercise I can do. Work and small children stand in the way of the others. But feeling a little bit lighter today. Thank you.
Prayers for those who are not feeling lighter.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
People being shitty to me at work (not colleagues I hasten to add; not even clients) have really got me down this week, almost to the point where I think I should up my Venlafaxin dose.
for everyone
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
My final one to add to Huia's list is private writing, basically to explore the emotions. It can be an account of something but it might equally be an imaginative piece. It takes you down initially but that seems to be a price for being able to cope more. I suspect it externalises the situation.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Matt Black:
People being shitty to me at work (not colleagues I hasten to add; not even clients) have really got me down this week, almost to the point where I think I should up my Venlafaxin dose.
for everyone
For my part, I am just fucking burnt out on liking people. It seems like whenever I let my guard down and permit myself to really like a person it only gives them an opportunity to hurt me in exotic ways. I wish I had it in me to be a genuine misanthrope, I'd probably be happier.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
I just wish those people were the ones with the biggest mouths in my life, if you know what I mean.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
Yep
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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Silver Swan
Apprentice
# 17957
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Posted
I am in a dark hole caring for my 30s son who only comes out of his room for food after we've gone to bed.
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Christ Jesus came to be Immanuel, not a manual.
Posts: 33 | From: Australia | Registered: Jan 2014
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Matt Black
Shipmate
# 2210
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Posted
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"Protestant and Reformed, according to the Tradition of the ancient Catholic Church" - + John Cosin (1594-1672)
Posts: 14304 | From: Hampshire, UK | Registered: Jan 2002
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Diomedes
Shipmate
# 13482
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Posted
Oh Silver Swan - that's hard
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Distrust simple answers to complicated questions
Posts: 129 | From: Essex England | Registered: Mar 2008
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chive
Ship's nude
# 208
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Posted
At the moment I just feel completely crushed by life. I don't want to go out. I don't want to deal with people. I just want to curl up and lick my wounds. However this means not going to work and that is officially a Bad Thing. I need to get my head more positive pretty damn soon.
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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
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stonespring
Shipmate
# 15530
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Posted
Hi again shipmates!
This is an apology for some unsavory posts I made a few weeks back that revealed a bit too much about my private life - like some posts I have made in the past. My mental/emotional/behavioral/personality/developmental/health issues have come back in an unfortunate way, and that has meant that school and/or work don't seem much like a possibility for me in the short term, but I am getting help and my husband and family are extremely supportive (like they always are), so I can't complain too much. I apologize for being aggressive and offensive on the Ship. I thank you for how gracious and kind so many of you are. Although I'm very loved, I'm very self-isolating and lonely, so the Ship is an invaluable resource for me that I should not abuse. Peace to all of you and I look forward to many enriching conversations with you in the future.
Posts: 1537 | Registered: Mar 2010
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Big hugs for Kelly, Matt, Silver Swan, Chive and Stonespring.
And anyone else who is fighting the hound but not posting about it.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493
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Posted
The thought of returning to work next week (part-time to start with) after a couple of months off terrifies me. After talking it through with my therapist, I know what I should do and I understand why and all that ... but staying in bed is much easier.
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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 1877 | From: England | Registered: May 2003
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Surfing Madness
Shipmate
# 11087
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by JoannaP:
The thought of returning to work next week (part-time to start with) after a couple of months off terrifies me. After talking it through with my therapist, I know what I should do and I understand why and all that ... but staying in bed is much easier.
All the best for next week. As someone said to me last week, getting out of bed is bed than not getting out of bed although it doesn't feel like it at the time.
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I now blog about all my crafting! http://inspiredbybroadway.blogspot.co.uk
Posts: 1542 | From: searching for the jam | Registered: Feb 2006
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stonespring
Shipmate
# 15530
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Posted
After working up hope that maybe this time this new psychiatrist would have a new combination of drugs that would prevent crises like the current one from happening again, I hear today that he does not think any medication is likely to help given that none have helped in the past and that I've tried just about everything . He says all he can recommend is really committing to behavioral therapy - not with him, of course. And he is the second opinion! The first opinion was a psychiatrist who questioned whether I really wanted to get better. So today's a pretty crummy day. Of course I'm incredibly blessed and privileged and loved and have so much to be grateful for (and I'm talented and smart and attractive no matter how much I do with food to damage my body). But I simply can. not. feel like anything other than a steaming pile of shit. No physical exercise or mindfulness or prayer or talking to a friend or anything seems to help. I just feel like it's going to be this way until I die - and I'm young and healthy and have no desire to hurt myself so it's going to be a long, painful life . There's hope in me somewhere but I don't know where it is.
Why can't aliens abduct me and take me to a cool planet where I get to be the awesome "alien" everyone wants to meet? (As long as the aliens look like sexy humans.) And I could learn alien languages and study alien religions.
Posts: 1537 | Registered: Mar 2010
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
((Stonespring))
I have had a number of episodes of moderate to severe depression over the last 22 years.
There have been times when I have had to force myself into any activity at all. But having been there, I would say (with the benefit of 20:20 hindsight, of course) that it was worth forcing myself, even if, at the time, I felt terrible, and the activity didn't seem to have any effect.
Just start very small. Very, very small. How about diarising some deliberate sensory experiences into your day. e.g. a few minutes barefoot on the grass. Or lighting and sniffing a scented candle. Or stroking an animal. Don't expect to enjoy it. Don't try to be mindful. Just do it, and tick the box.
I will be thinking about you.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Another idea is if you need to sleep during the day keep the curtains open. Your body clock responds to sunlight and hopefully will register it more easily with the curtains open rather than drawn.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
I have not been doing much exercise lately, can't be bothered.
I have been wondering the last few days whether I am heading into a bit of a depression - again.
I have then argued with myself that I don't have any reason to be depressed.
I then, of course, get to calling myself stupid for thinking that depression needs an excuse to rear its ugly head.
* * * *
I am now going for a walk. I shall take an umbrella in case it rains but if it does I shall probably get a little wet whatever - and that is okay. What is important is that I get some exercise and fight this @#$%^&^%$#@ black dog.
We are going to a craft fair that is on in town so I may even throw in a little bit of judicious retail therapy.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Paul.
Shipmate
# 37
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Posted
I hate this.
Yesterday was a great day. I felt happier than I have in a very long time. And I'm not talking about some super high just the kind of relaxed pleasant feeling that everything's generally OK. The kind of thing I think is normal for a lot of people. But in the last few years I have had precious few days like that.
Today I wake up and, well, not the worst I've been but I'm panicky and feel something bad is going to happen, or has happened. I know how to fight it and I know I have to but why does it have to be like this?
Can't I have more than one day?
"...if I hadn't seen such riches I could live with being poor"
Posts: 3689 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2004
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
I was in the audience for Any Questions last night and there was a question about mental health. The chair, Shaun Ley, asked the audience and panel to put their hands up if they had encountered depression personally - either being depressed themselves or knowing someone close who was had mental health problems. All but one of the panel, including the chair, and the vast majority of the audience put their hands up.
The conclusions were that the big problem for mental health issues is the stigmatisation of depression. That additionally isolates people and means they don't go to ask for help and hide their problems. As Val McDermid said people don't feel guilty about getting flu or the measles.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
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Posted
Massive hugs for WW and LP and anyone else suffering. I'm OK right now - well, work is better when I'm actually here than when I'm thinking about having to be here...
Less thinking, more doing, for me, for now.
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And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
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Surfing Madness
Shipmate
# 11087
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Posted
I've been off for the last 6 weeks. While I know there were lots of factors contributing to my depression, I'm thinking about dropping my hours slightly, not sure from a finance point of view if that is an option.
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I now blog about all my crafting! http://inspiredbybroadway.blogspot.co.uk
Posts: 1542 | From: searching for the jam | Registered: Feb 2006
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JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493
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Posted
We have just moved and the new place is somewhat chaotic - not helped by the stuff coming a couple of days before the furniture to put it in. I am feeling rather overwhelmed and just staying in bed is so much easier than unpacking boxes. ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 1877 | From: England | Registered: May 2003
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Abigail
Shipmate
# 1672
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Posted
How do you know if you're suffering from depression? I mean 'real' depression, not just feeling a bit fed up and miserable.
I don't tick the right boxes for being depressed. I sleep well, I haven't lost my appetite, I'm able to work normally. But I want to cry all the time, I just can't see the point of anything and I don't really enjoy anything much.
Basically, I feel a complete failure, I'm lonely, I can't talk to people, church doesn't work for me any more and I've made a complete mess of my life. Is that depression? Or is it normal to feel 'depressed' if you're in my situation? I don't know.
None of this is new (well, apart from the church thing which is relatively new) - I've been like it all my adult life, but this last month or so it's just feeling worse.
I went through a patch like this four years ago but now I'm four years older, four more years wasted, nothing learned, nothing changed.
I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow about another issue and I want to try and talk about this as well but I'm not sure if I can or if I should.
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The older I get the less I know.
Posts: 505 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001
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Garasu
Shipmate
# 17152
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:
I want to cry all the time, I just can't see the point of anything and I don't really enjoy anything much.
Basically, I feel a complete failure, I'm lonely, I can't talk to people, church doesn't work for me any more and I've made a complete mess of my life.
Sounds like depression to me.
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"Could I believe in the doctrine without believing in the deity?". - Modesitt, L. E., Jr., 1943- Imager.
Posts: 889 | From: Surrey Heath (England) | Registered: Jun 2012
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Depression is a very broad diagnosis. You can see the actual diagnostic criteria used by GPs. Please note you do not need all ten, you need to have four to have depression, and I think you might well have.
Depression is the equivalent of the common cold in mental illness and therefore covers a lot of minor mental ailments that can be very different in experience. I have had two bouts of depression and they were very different. One was like being deep in a cave where it is pitch dark with the sound of water; the other like wading through grey mud in a damp drizzle with poor visibility. Neither pleasant but very different
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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JoannaP
Shipmate
# 4493
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Posted
When I am depressed, I sleep well. Very well. At least 10 hours if left to my own devices. It is a very good way of avoiding complicated stuff.
Likewise, either loss of appetite or excessive appetite can be a symptom of depression, but they are not necessary.
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"Freedom for the pike is death for the minnow." R. H. Tawney (quoted by Isaiah Berlin)
"Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 1877 | From: England | Registered: May 2003
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Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992
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Posted
Abigail, please try to talk to your doctor. I had my first diagnosis of depression 13 years ago and only then did I realise I'd had it for years.
My experience was that it felt very difficult to raise the subject with my doctor. I felt stupid and like I was complaining about nothing - but that's precisely part of how depression works. But once we did talk about it, the help that the doctor was able to give me (Prozac and cognitive behavioural therapy) meant I was beginning to feel better within a few weeks. It was a long road to real wellness, and I've had several relapses since, but as soon as I started to feel a bit better, I knew it was something I wanted to hold on to.
I've found over the past few years that it helps me to be very businesslike with the doctor. Rather than pouring out a long story of how miserable I feel, I just use the formula, "I'd like you to check me out for depression" - and the doc takes it from there.
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"What is broken, repair with gold."
Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
I've found over the past few years that it helps me to be very businesslike with the doctor. Rather than pouring out a long story of how miserable I feel, I just use the formula, "I'd like you to check me out for depression" - and the doc takes it from there.
What Adeodatus said, especially this last bit.
Symptoms of depression vary, if not eating was one of the signs for me I would have a sylph like figure, rather than the more sustantial body I actually have (sigh).
I hope your visit to the doctor goes well Abigail.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Abigail, sounds like a classic case. And you do want to tell the doctor, as depression may also mean you need thyroid etc checked out.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Make some notes about all these things before you go to see the doctor and take them with you - the doctor won't mind and it really will help you to tell her/him everything.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
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What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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