|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: chasing the Black Dog - a depression support thread
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
Many thanks!
Yesterday morning I had a doozy of a migraine, the worst for at least two years. I was completely spaced out with it. Slept it off in the afternoon, and now my head feels clear and the fuzzy brain feeling has gone.
I know I didn't have a migraine when I posted on Friday, because if it had been a migraine the visual disturbance would have prevented me from reading the screen, but I wonder if it was brewing.
So I'm going to try to make two appointments next week - one with the NHS counsellor re depression and one with the GP to discuss the migraine.
The North East Man wondered about taking me into A&E yesterday because I was quite out of it, in an odd way - I knew what was happening but it was as though I was observing myself rather than being myself (tried to knot off a bin bag and couldn't figure out how to do it, although I could carry on a rational conversation) but I just wanted to sleep.
Phoned my Dad last night, whose migraines are very similar, and we were able to laugh about the absurdity of it all, which was reassuring.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Piglet
Islander
# 11803
|
Posted
Glad you were able to shake off the migraine; I used to get horrid nauseous headaches and remembering how debilitating they could be, I'd imagine full-on migraines are ten times worse.
As Jamat said, hang in there. ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
|
Posted
Monday morning hugs to all black dog owners
--------------------
And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
I saw the doctor today, who thinks that the "spaced out" "can't think straight" on Friday was Day 1 of a two day migraine.
Unusual migraines are part of the joy of the hormonal swings to be expected at my age.
The depression is a pain, but at least I'm not going mad. And "I am useless whilst I am felled by a migraine" isn't as soul-sapping as "I am useless." I'd would have felt a lot better on Friday if I'd realised I was brewing a migraine.
I could have hugged the doctor! (But I didn't!)
Thanks for all your kind thoughts.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
chive
Ship's nude
# 208
|
Posted
I have similar migraines to that. The first time I had one I was trying to spread peanut butter on toast and I couldn't do it. I thought I was having some kind of stroke. Migraines are very very weird.
--------------------
'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Piglet
Islander
# 11803
|
Posted
I remember my previous boss being completely unable to make a cup of instant coffee at the start of a migraine - she had to ask someone to pour it for her, or she'd probably have scalded herself.
--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
Migraines are evil! I could spend two days in bed with a migraine and be more tired at the end than I had been to start with - to say nothing of the "discomfort"!
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
Unusual migraines are part of the joy of the hormonal swings to be expected at my age.
Yes, I hadn't had one since I was a teenager, then at 48 one day I was sitting in the office when suddenly there was some kind of weird zigzag arc across one eye. No headache, just this thing progressing slowly across my field of vision. Artificial light made me feel ill, the computer screen was horrible, and I had to go outside for a bit until it wore off.
The menopause can throw up some seriously weird, unexpected stuff that can basically affect any part of you. I never had the arc again though I did start getting headaches from chocolate, and other symptoms. They would fade in for a few weeks then fade out to be replaced by something different. It does eventually settle down and stop, though.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
|
Posted
Feel so low. I don't want to be at work. Just want to be at home. With the children. Though they're at school anyway.
Didn't know whether to post this here or on the bereavement thread. It's the first anniversary of my dad's death on 5 December. It's been such a difficult year.
--------------------
And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
|
Posted
EM, I wish I could offer more positives but it is grim. Just grim. All I can say to you is that you're not alone.
--------------------
They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
|
Posted
--------------------
Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
|
Posted
EM, anniversaries are the pits, and grieving takes so much energy.
Is it possible to take the anniversary day itself off work to look after yourself?
Huia
--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
|
Posted
Thank you for your kindness.
It falls on a Saturday this year, Huia, which isn't a working day for me - so that's one good thing. And there'll be Mass offered for the repose of his soul that day, which is also a comfort.
--------------------
And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Piglet
Islander
# 11803
|
Posted
Would it be feasible to do something nice on the day - maybe taking the children somewhere he would have enjoyed (museum, park, whatever) - and share memories of him?
--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
|
Posted
That's a good idea. Thanks.
--------------------
And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
ThunderBunk
Stone cold idiot
# 15579
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Erroneous Monk:
Thank you for your kindness.
It falls on a Saturday this year, Huia, which isn't a working day for me - so that's one good thing. And there'll be Mass offered for the repose of his soul that day, which is also a comfort.
If this is the Saturday in question, prayers for the repose of his soul, and that the black dog will treat you kindly, today and always.
--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".
Foolish, potentially deranged witterings
Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
|
Posted
.....and that the said Black Dog will get back under the bed, and fucking well stay there....
I.
--------------------
Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
|
Posted
to Erroneous Monk for his father's anniversary, and to all here who are struggling.
My all-over psoriasis sill flaring severely. I have no idea if topical steroids on palms, fingers and soles of feet help or hinder. And I'm sick to death of emollients, oils, ointments and other such crap. I feel like a fucking basted turkey - and getting gook all over clothes and bed-linen is disgusting.
Half the time I feel like I'm being fried from within; the other half it's like being covered with hundreds of tiny razor-blades, all having a go.
I'm a pretty useless lump of red itching flesh at the moment. Maybe I should find myself a psoriasis colony to go live in. Least that way I wouldn't feel self-conscious about looking like a freak.
Self-pitying much? Yeah, probably. Good to vent. ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
--------------------
Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
|
Posted
My sympathies, Anselmina. Mine flares at the change of seasons. As it is cool today and more heat forecast for Tuesday and very hot last week and week before, it doesn't know how to behave. At least the weepy scabby bit I scratched in my sleep has now stopped weeping.
--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
Was blaming my birthday for general restlessness, then I realized this December would have marked my 20th wedding anniversary. Big attack of the sads followed. i still miss the friendship my ex and I had.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
ThunderBunk
Stone cold idiot
# 15579
|
Posted
It is interesting, but not a novel observation, that those who itch perennially also tend to depression.
My itches are less severe than Anselmina's, being eczema rather than psoriasis. However, hitherto it has been relatively well behaved, being restricted to those occasions on which I am forced to wear wool next to my skin in very dry atmospheres. Now it is spreading around my knees and becoming a semi-permanent fixture. To this we say grrr, and reach unwillingly for the topical steroids.
Ecclesiastical upheavals are encouraging the black dog, as well. Harumph.
--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".
Foolish, potentially deranged witterings
Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010
| IP: Logged
|
|
North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
|
Posted
(((Erroneous Monk)))
I hope today went as well as it could.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
|
Posted
Thinking of you today, Erroneous Monk.
--------------------
They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
| IP: Logged
|
|
Piglet
Islander
# 11803
|
Posted
{{{EM}}}
--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
|
Posted
Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I'm doing OK now and actually starting to look towards Christmas.
--------------------
And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
|
Posted
Brave news! May the improvement continue....
I.
--------------------
Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
|
Posted
I hope Christmas was okay for you, EM - and that everybody else managed The Festive Season and that those in the Northern Hemisphere are coping with the lack of light, etc. and those in the Southern Hemisphere coping with the shortening of the days.
--------------------
I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
|
Posted
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I'm doing OK despite the weather, and despite being off work for two weeks with pneumonia!
I hope you're all well.
--------------------
And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
|
Posted
Hope all here are travelling okay. And hope the pneumonia is over EM.
My latest encounter with the Black Dog started in December, and the fog is just beginning to lift: though each day is unknown. The Black Dog had been chained up for several years, and I suppose I had thought, foolishly hoped, things may be under control. He "kindly" brought his companion Anxiety with him in a huge measure this time: in January he let Anxiety loose to chase me, and Anxiety still is.
Thankfully I found a caring, understanding doctor, and my former psychiatrist can see me via Skype [I moved 10 months ago]. I'm also seeing a psychologist. I think, as before, the psychologist will play a huge part -- I'm at a point where I hate myself and see myself of no value [more than usual]. I have a good boss too. I am blessed in those ways.
The big trigger was me, again, finding myself incapable [through fear and anxiety attacks] of wanting to do something I've always wanting to do -- being a friend to refugees as they settle here via a programme run by St Vinnie's [years ago it was teaching English to migrants, then volunteer English classes at the library]. It may be minor in the scheme of things, and perhaps I'd be crap at it anyway, but when you barely have any self-esteem/confidence at all usually it really knocks you around when you cannot do the smallest things you'd like to do to help others. But perhaps I just need to accept my limitations and help in other ways.
for all. And thank you for this thread.
[ 18. February 2016, 19:24: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
|
Posted
Prayers for you Ian. Having known you for some time now and seen your journey, i would say that I consider you a friend and a person of worth. Depression and anxiety make a nasty couple as I know. I am glad the fog is lifting for you. Take care, you are valued.
--------------------
Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
|
Posted
Prayers for you Ian. I had a similar episode almost exactly a year ago when I took on a volunteer role that I knew was well within my capabilities, but came at a time I had been incapacitated and in pain with a back problem for a while and, though recovered, had left me fragile. The panic attacks came suddenly, like walking off a cliff I hadn't known was there, just horrible. It took a while, but I'm well again thanks to prayer, good friends and medication. I'm thinking of you take care.
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
| IP: Logged
|
|
Piglet
Islander
# 11803
|
Posted
{{IC}}
--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
|
Posted
Sorry to hear that you have developed anxiety added to depression Ian - the combination is nasty. Having said that it sounds as though you have some good professionals available to you.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself time, there will be need for volunteers well into the future and maybe you can volunteer when you are in a better space yourself. A friend of mine uses the old airline adage of fitting you own oxygen mask before those of people around you.
Huia
--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Piglet
Islander
# 11803
|
Posted
That analogy makes sense; it'll be far harder to deal with the distress of others if you're not feeling well yourself.
--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ferijen
Shipmate
# 4719
|
Posted
Hoping you find your oxygen mask soon Ian.
Posts: 3259 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Yam-pk
Shipmate
# 12791
|
Posted
I would greatly appreciate your prayers for the mental well-being of my ex-girlfriend who ended our relationship the other day, which was a shock. Not quite sure what to make of it ![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
Posts: 472 | From: The Grim North | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
|
Posted
Lord have mercy.
--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Piglet
Islander
# 11803
|
Posted
{{Yam-pk}}
--------------------
I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
|
Posted
Yam-pk
---
Thank you for the comments, prayers, oxygen mask analogy and advice all re my post; I greatly appreciate it. Thank you Doone for sharing your similar experience: I hope my post did not cause any distress.
[ 21. February 2016, 06:20: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Nicodemia
WYSIWYG
# 4756
|
Posted
Could someone pray? I am trying hard not to give into depression again, but can feel it is going to win and I really can't face all the trying to get Dr's appointments etc etc etc. and I already take anti-depressants, and have done since my last really bad time some years ago. Nor do I want to go back on the psychiatric ward. Please, no!
Posts: 4544 | From: not too far from Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Landlubber
Shipmate
# 11055
|
Posted
Nicodemia I am praying and will do so in the coming days.(I don't usually post here as it is anxiety that I struggle with, but I have been grateful for the insights I have read here.)
--------------------
They that go down to the sea in ships … reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man
Posts: 383 | From: On dry land | Registered: Feb 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
|
Posted
Ian, thank you very much for your concern for me. Please be reassured that I was not distressed but just wanted to reach out to you in prayer ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
| IP: Logged
|
|
Doone
Shipmate
# 18470
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Yam-pk:
I would greatly appreciate your prayers for the mental well-being of my ex-girlfriend who ended our relationship the other day, which was a shock. Not quite sure what to make of it
Prayers and asking for blessing
Posts: 2208 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2015
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
|
Posted
Nicodemia That is scary.
--------------------
Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Erroneous Monk
Shipmate
# 10858
|
Posted
Joining you in prayer for Ian Climacus, Nicodemia and Yam-Pk and Ex.
Much love to you all
--------------------
And I shot a man in Tesco, just to watch him die.
Posts: 2950 | From: I cannot tell you, for you are not a friar | Registered: Jan 2006
| IP: Logged
|
|
ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346
|
Posted
Prayers and support for all here.
--------------------
'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka
Posts: 1887 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012
| IP: Logged
|
|
Yam-pk
Shipmate
# 12791
|
Posted
Thank you all very much indeed
Posts: 472 | From: The Grim North | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
|
Posted
Prayers would be appreciated.
I managed to keep me head above water the past few days but now it is just tears and worry and a sense of hopelessness. I see the psych in a few days so I'm hanging on till then.
If this does not belong here, let me know, and accept my apologies. How do people here cope with a desire to go to church, yet a seeming inability to do so due to depression/anxiety? Maybe wrongly, I do not feel I can share my struggles at the Orthodox parish...but at the same time I do not want to bother the Anglicans or Catholics. For a while I went to the Anglican church, but as Great Lent approached I tried to go back to the Orthodox. But I find it hard. I hope this makes some sort of sense.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Printer-friendly view
