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Source: (consider it) Thread: Ignored when by yourself
Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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Last night, after another long day, I didn't fancy cooking, so I walked into the Chinese takeaway at the bottom of my road that I've been to about half a dozen times or so since I moved in late spring.

They ignored me. I was stood there for 10 minutes, waiting for someone to take my order. I tried waving, saying hello, but they just sauntered back and forth, not paying any attention. I was the only customer in there. Eventually I walked out and have vowed never to set foot in there again.

This isn't the first time something like has happened and I wondered if other shipmates have had similar happen to them.

I notice it's always when I'm by myself. For example, I once ended up phoning PC World when I stood in their Wandsworth Bridge store just to try to get one of their staff to notice I existed, after an hour of them walking past and ignoring me in favour of groups that had come in 2s or 3s.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330

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I spend a lot of time alone and have come to the conclusion that I have an ignorable face - I just look like someone in the crowd.

Actually it has been a bit better since we moved to Wales because people here seem to make more effort to acknowledge other people.

But I can certainly remember situations as you describe and have also walked out from places when alone and nobody took any notice of me (this seems to happen to me in pubs).

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arse

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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What a strange thing. Perhaps they assumed you’d phoned your order earlier and were now waiting to collect?

The oddest instance of being ignored I’ ve met with was in the US. We were driving through upstate NY and saw a sign on the highway advertising a restaurant - so we turned off, found the small town, found the place and went in. It was largely empty, one family party being brought their orders, a guy leaning on the bar watching the 9/11 coverage (it was a couple of days after) and the two of us. We sat at a table. Nothing happened. I went up to the bar and stood about looking hungry. One waitress was attending to the party; it was when I saw the other one pointedly wiping tables in furthest corner of the room that I realised we were being deliberately ignored. It was a great oddity in a country where places normally greet you the minute you come in the door.

Large stores - even spotting staff on the floor can be like hunting the Snark. In which case I go to the point that has to have someone at it - usually the checkout - and have them summon an assistant.

I am sure I’ve done my share of walking out of places where the service has been negligent, and there are alternatives I can go to. But I can’t say it has been the norm. (Of course, back in the day, speaking loudly in a Northern Irish accent guaranteed attendance, just in case your next sentence was ‘Yis have 5 minutes to get out’)

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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

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I have the opposite problem; being mobbed by overzealous assistants when browsing in shops. Unless I actually want to buy something, when I suddenly become invisible and inaudible like Sipech.
Posts: 3932 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504

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If you want to be invisible and inaudible, try using a mobility scooter....

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"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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I have that problem in businesses that are more "man-friendly" -- hardware stores, automobile dealerships, and -- most recently a liquor store.

I went in to pick up two cases of wine which had been pre-ordered and pre-paid for church, so I walked up to the service desk. A male customer walked in behind me. The clerk totally ignored me and asked the man if he needed help, then walked off with him to find what he needed. Finally another person behind the counter asked if I needed help. I told him what had happened and he brought me my wine (no apology for the other jerk). Jerk #1 then wandered back to the service desk and I told him that if I hadn't already paid for my wine I would have left and gone elsewhere.

Sometimes I think it would be fun to have Harry Potter's invisibility cape, but only to be worn when *I* want to wear it. Don't get me started on a church I used to attend...

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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I'd bet that ignored people tend to be a) older or b) female. Ageism and sexism, and of course ableism, are powerful.
People do not ignore me, and I know why. It's because I'm tall. If I were five foot two I'd be right under the radar.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I'd bet that ignored people tend to be a) older or b) female. Ageism and sexism, and of course ableism, are powerful.
People do not ignore me, and I know why. It's because I'm tall. If I were five foot two I'd be right under the radar.

Yes. Short, old, and female-- let's add frumpy to the list (attractive people of any age are noticed)-- I could probably pull of a bank heist if I wanted to without fear of anyone identifying me.

It has both it's advantages and its disadvantages.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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BabyWombat
Shipmate
# 18552

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I have found that in big-box office supply stores I and most other customers are completely ignored. I joke that if one dies in the aisle the staff would simply step around and keep on moving. Finding someone who might entertain a question seems impossible and more often than not I walk out.

Recently on vacation hubby and I went to a pub just after its official opening time, looking for a good dry IPA and lunch. Door wide open, lights on, bartender in place, and what we took to be owner and chef eating at the bar. There was a sign to wait to be seated so we stood at the empty host lectern and looked hungry. All looked at us, then turned away. Thinking we had the opening time wrong we took a bit of a walk in the neighborhood and returned 15 minutes later. Same people in same places, we stood about for a bit, but were again totally ignored.

I might mention we are both gray haired. We assume we did not match their patron profile, appearing to be fuddy-duddies. So we went to a nearby French bistro and had a fabulous lunch and a delicious wine.

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Let us, with a gladsome mind…..

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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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If I'm in a shop, and there seems to be nobody taking any notice of me - goods in hand - at the counter or checkout, I simply wave a £10 note in the air, and shout loudly 'Anyone want to take some money from me?'.

Works every time. Our now-closed branch of Staples (big UK stationery stores) was particularly guilty of this sort of thing.

I'm afraid I'm no shrinking violet, and have no compunction about loudly demanding attention be paid to me, if it's necessary.

Nicely, and in Christian Love, of course.

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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jedijudy

Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333

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A local restaurant had just reopened under new management, so Daughter-Unit and I decided to have dinner there after w*rk. We sat at our table for over fifteen minutes while folks came in after us and were served while we didn't even have a menu or beverage.

We finally gave up trying to flag down our waitress who looked the other way every time she walked by our table. As we were leaving, the new manager happened to be at the front desk and asked how we liked our food. I told her we had been ignored since we got there and we were going to eat elsewhere.

The manager looked like she was in shock and begged us to stay as we continued to walk out. She finally said if we would give us a chance, she would comp our meals. D-U and I looked at each other and agreed to give them a chance.

We were given a different table with a prompt and friendly server. I also ordered a glass of wine, which I had planned to pay for, but it was comped too. Our meal was fabulous, and we ended up having a good experience.

We could see the other server getting a tongue lashing by the manager at the back of the restaurant. The good server got an excellent tip.

I have a lot of stories that don't have such a good outcome.

p.s. The restaurant didn't last long after that. A real shame.

[ETA p.s.]

[ 10. November 2017, 15:10: Message edited by: jedijudy ]

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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.

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Carex
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# 9643

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My wife was in a group of older women, one of whom had bright purple hair. She said that she had always been ignored in shops, and she had chosen the color to make herself noticeable. Apparently it worked.
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Pia
Shipmate
# 17277

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This is very timely.

I was working away from home this week. I decided to have a meal in the hotel bar (rather than restaurant) as I thought that it would be more relaxed as a place to eat alone. I had a quick look at the menu, decided what to have, and went to the bar to order. The chap behind the bar told me to just sit down and someone would be with me shortly, so I went and sat down. Whereupon I was studiously ignored for about 20 minutes. Other orders were taken, but no-one came to me, despite me trying to catch someone's eye.

Eventually I did manage to catch a waiter (with a loud 'Excuse me...') and he said that he would send someone over to take my order... but still no-one came. Eventually I went back to the bar and pointed out that I'd been waiting a long time to place my order, and the original chap took it.

I then waited another 10 minutes before they brought my drink. And then I waited. And waited. And waited. Eventually, when I'd been there about an hour and three quarters, I went to the bar again and asked if they knew when I was likely to get some food. By this point I'd gone past the point of being hungry and it was nearly 10pm, which was the time at which they stopped serving. I was quite prepared to walk out at that point, except that I didn't really know the area so didn't know where else to go (and by then it was 10pm).

Five minutes later the manager appeared, with my food, very apologetic, and claimed that there had been 'a problem with some orders not getting through to the kitchen'. He was so apologetic that I didn't make more of it (he also insisted I wouldn't be charged for the food or drinks, although that was a bit irrelevant, as I wasn't paying anyway!). But I'm sure it wasn't a problem with the order system, it was just that they ignored me for so long at the start that I was forced to go up to the bar to order instead of waiting for a waiter, at which point (I'm pretty sure) the order sat on the bar for nearly 2 hours unnoticed.

This is the first time something like this has happened to me, but it was very very striking. I am a middle-aged woman, not remotely noticeable on the beauty front, and I was on my own. It was not a good experience!

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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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I was once ignored in a very popular Greek diner in Astoria, Queens, New York. My father, a WWII veteran, opined that it was probably because I looked Italian. There is apparently no love lost among Greeks who remember what Italians did to them during the war.

Other times when I've been ignored, I've walked out. If someone tries to make me change my mind and stay, I usually say (especially if the place is obviously not busy) something like, "Oh, no, I see you're very busy; it was foolish of me to expect you to accommodate a party of one."

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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As I said, I just SHOUT.

They don't like SHOUTING, but it produces results.

[Devil]

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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When I was abandoned in a doctor's examination room, I finally marched out to the desk and didn't quite shout but SPOKE VERY LOUD. The receptionist obviously didn't want everyone in the waiting room to hear me, but I certainly wanted them to. (Unfortunately, they hadn't had me strip and put on an open-backed gown. It would have added nicely to the effect.)

I left, never having seen the doctor (a specialist to whom I'd been referred), and I had my Primary Care Physician give me a different referral, explaining the way I'd been ignored.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9454 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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SPEAKING VERY LOUDLY (especially in fairly small surroundings) is also a Good Thing.

Pity about the lack of an open-backed gown, though. It really does indeed add to the general effect, and to the edification of the public.

[Two face]

IJ

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The future is another country - they might do things differently there...

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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I wouldn't even want the doctor to see me in an open-backed gown, let alone the entire waiting-room. [Eek!]

Our "invisibility cloak" moment was in a very upmarket (and very up-itself) restaurant in St. John's. We had a long wait for our first course (in D's case, soup), and when it arrived the waiter said, "would Sir like fresh pepper?", to which D. replied "No, but he would like a spoon."

Shortly after that, a large party arrived and the entire staff seemed to be all over them like a hot rash; we began to wonder if one of them was a restaurant critic (although we knew the critic from the local paper had already been there and given them a rave review). It was as though we'd disappeared: we did eventually get the rest of our food, but we never went back.

I suspect a lot of other people didn't go back either, as the place closed within a year. Serve them right.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19606 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
Shortly after that, a large party arrived and the entire staff seemed to be all over them like a hot rash. . . . We never went back. I suspect a lot of other people didn't go back either, as the place closed within a year.

They were probably anticipating a huge tip. Too bad it was their last.

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

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Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

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quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
If I'm in a shop, and there seems to be nobody taking any notice of me - goods in hand - at the counter or checkout, I simply wave a £10 note in the air, and shout loudly 'Anyone want to take some money from me?'.

May I use that? Though I probably don't have the guts!

I dine alone and often will be sitting there for 20 minutes before someone comes along and says, "Still waiting for your friend?" And I did say table for 1 as I entered.

Posts: 7558 | From: Albury, Australia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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Another informative experience, but one with an explanation.

A Czech friend was driving us about the countryside. We stopped for lunch in a roadside restaurant and were ignored. Eventually we left (and found a very good place up a side road, catering to local forestry workers, where we had an excellent meal). The thing was the first place was on the main road from Germany. They were only interested in coachloads of tourists from Munich and since we had arrived in a Czech car we didn’t rate.

So clearly there are places who only ‘see’ the customers whom they think are the prime demographic, and there are quite a few conditions - age, gender, ethnicity, perceived social status - which will disqualify you. Which is stupid, as I may look like an Old Biddy (because I am) but I probably have a hell of a lot more disposable income than anyone else in the room.

Posts: 17247 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
# 10422

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I am in a wheelchair and deaf. When I ate alone in my younger days (or was attempting to eat) and was ignored, I just wheeled out. Once I was with a work group trying a new restaurant (thank goodness it included 2 levels of bosses) we ordered our meals. After a half-hour, I was served my lunch (while the rest of the table looked on hungrily - they were served 45 minutes later - and our celebratory 90 minute lunch extended into 3 hours and 15 minutes) And they weren't even busy.

If I am ignored in stores, I just go past the cashier or service desk and I tell them just what I think.

I can sometimes be very loud, VERY loud, indeed.

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Even more so than I was before

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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468

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quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
So clearly there are places who only ‘see’ the customers whom they think are the prime demographic, and there are quite a few conditions - age, gender, ethnicity, perceived social status - which will disqualify you. Which is stupid, as I may look like an Old Biddy (because I am) but I probably have a hell of a lot more disposable income than anyone else in the room.

There's an anonymous US chain of restaurants (burgers, pancakes, etc.) that has a long history of ignoring and otherwise mistreating African Americans. (Not sure about other people of color.) Periodically winds up in the news. Haven't heard anything for several years. Not sure if they've changed.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

Posts: 17978 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Stercus Tauri
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# 16668

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quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
I was once ignored in a very popular Greek diner in Astoria, Queens, New York. My father, a WWII veteran, opined that it was probably because I looked Italian. There is apparently no love lost among Greeks who remember what Italians did to them during the war.


I wonder if it was the same place in Astoria where we once went when our younger daughter lived there. A crowd of us went in and we were all ignored except for my mother-in-law, clearly the matriarch, who was expected to do all the ordering and paying the bill, which she did. Maybe it's a Greek thing.

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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

Posts: 882 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468

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Pigwidgeon--

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Don't get me started on a church I used to attend...

I went to one of those, too. They mostly just wanted to talk to themselves. Even when I was volunteering, at a church dinner, or at coffee hour. (Might have been just as well, though. Heard plenty of church gossip in their gift shop, blatantly in front of customers!) The clergy and other folks who might be in a position to help with whatever mostly only paid attention if they found you particularly interesting. Ironically, that denom once had a big PR campaign, saying how welcoming they were.
[Roll Eyes]

I ran into similar problems at an anonymous professional organization for women. It was so bad that some new members just left. I stuck around for a while, and really tried. There were some good aspects; but I finally had enough, and quit.

I worked, briefly, at an organization run by another faith. They would talk, endlessly, in front of me (NOT to me) about their faith and various gossip. No secular talk, whatsoever. And didn't tell me when there was an important religious rule I needed to know. IMHO, they should've employed people from their faith or particular congregation, 'cause they sure didn't want anyone else there.

I think that groups who've been together a long time sometimes really don't want anyone else to join, but haven't admitted it to themselves.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

Posts: 17978 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
North East Quine

Curious beastie
# 13049

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Our weirdest ignoring experience happened in a very small town which had three options for morning coffee; two commercial coffee shops and one, recently opened, which was part of a Christian book shop. It had an obvious Christian name - Vineyard Book and Coffee Shop, or some such. We went in at 11am. Three people were sitting drinking coffee at a table. We sat at another table. Nothing happened. We went up to the counter at which point one of the three explained that the bookshop / cafe was run by volunteers, the three at the table, and that 11am was their coffee break. They would serve us once they'd finished their own coffee. Five minutes later they were still chatting away over coffee and we gave up and left.

We passed through the same small town a year later and the bookshop /cafe was no longer there...

Posts: 6358 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
I think that groups who've been together a long time sometimes really don't want anyone else to join.

Reminds me of Groucho Marx's line: "I wouldn't join any club that would have me as a member."

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

Posts: 10292 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
There's an anonymous US chain of restaurants (burgers, pancakes, etc.) that has a long history of ignoring and otherwise mistreating African Americans.

I know the one you're talking about. I don't think this happens any longer -- at least there have been no reports of it -- and it may have been a regional thing at worst. I've never witnessed it, but then again I'm Caucasian.

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

Posts: 10292 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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A church* I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me. The ushers would hold the door for everyone and hand them a bulletin -- except me. Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me. No on ever spoke to me at coffee hour unless I happened to run into someone I knew from another church. I was even invisible one day when my car had overheated and I was in the parking lot right by the main door of the church with my hood/bonnet popped open. (I didn't need help, but it would have been nice if someone had offered.)

*MWd by Miss Amanda, who had the same experience.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9454 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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I walked away from a car dealership the other day, when I was ignored for ages. This was annoying, as I quite wanted to buy the car I was looking at (a bit odd, old, cheap). I'm a middle-aged white man. They may have gone off me a bit when I lay on the ground and started looking closely at the underside.

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me.
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330

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quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.

Kneeling at the communion rail is one of the few occasions in church that I feel like anyone is taking notice of me. Kneeling there and being ignored would be crushing.

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arse

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me.
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.
Just to add, I was a 50-ish (at the time) white woman, dressed appropriately for church, at a middle or upper-middle class church, almost exclusively white.

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9454 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A church I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me ...

I don't think I'd have given them the benefit of the doubt by attending "regularly". I might have given them a few weeks, but if they persisted in that level of ignoring (during the Eucharist????) I'd have metaphorically told them to shove it and tried to find somewhere else.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 19606 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
# 2349

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Several years ago I was in another city for a Famous Music Competition. I went to dinner by myself, and although I was seated, I was ignored by the servers for more than 20 minutes, not even handed a menu. I finally stood up and accosted a server, who told me it wasn't his table; I asked him loudly to get my server.

They finally fed me, probably just to get rid of me. It brought home to me vividly the realization that I had become a middle-aged woman (and a small one) on her own, and hence invisible.

[Edited because preview failed to reveal a line return, and it bothered me.]

[ 11. November 2017, 20:08: Message edited by: Rossweisse ]

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I'm not dead yet.

Posts: 14683 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

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I went once with a large party of friends to a Chinese restaurant. It was very crowded and because we were a large party they were very reluctant to seat us. We had a couple of bullheaded women, however. We firmly commandeered a table, forced the busboys to clear it, and demanded menus. This was only doable, I am certain, because there were 14 of us.

The other real and true recourse you have is Yelp. Or Open Table, or any of the other restaurant review sites. Post your experiences. Watch them cringe.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 5666 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
# 2349

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My particular case was pre-apps, but I would certainly do that now in similar circs.

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I'm not dead yet.

Posts: 14683 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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Mr Bee and I went to a West End theatre to see a musical. Very efficiently, I thought, they had the facility to buy interval drinks online, which I did and printed out my vouchers.
Drawback was, this voucher had to be presented at the bar on arrival to tell them which colour of wine was required.
Having queued to get into the theatre Mr Bee needed the loo so I hurried to the bar and got there almost first. I stood at the bar, totally ignored for 20 minutes while those around and behind me were served. I began waving my voucher at the the staff. Eventually Mr Bee appeared at the back of the room and bellowed that I should be served next, and behold, I was. The bloke behind me said he was about to say the same thing.

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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com

Posts: 5232 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged
RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I went once with a large party of friends to a Chinese restaurant. It was very crowded and because we were a large party they were very reluctant to seat us. We had a couple of bullheaded women, however. We firmly commandeered a table, forced the busboys to clear it, and demanded menus. This was only doable, I am certain, because there were 14 of us.

Of course they were reluctant to seat an extremely large party when the place was crowded! And how on earth is this relevant to a thread about being ignored when alone?!?
Posts: 24413 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Pigwidgeon:
quote:
Twice when I went up for Communion the Eucharistic Minister went right past me.
Just wow. That is a special category of obnoxious.
Just to add, I was a 50-ish (at the time) white woman, dressed appropriately for church, at a middle or upper-middle class church, almost exclusively white.
Sometimes I like to be left alone in church.

But at Communion!?!? What Lyda*Rose wrote. And [Tear] for you Pigwidgeon; how absolutely terrible.

Posts: 7558 | From: Albury, Australia | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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I too got ignored--okay, maybe call it "missed" at communion, on Ash Wednesday--twice. It was one of those "go up, stay till you're communed, come back down" sort of things, and I was right at the middle of the rail. Both servers left off just before getting to me from either side. Two go-rounds.

Rather than stay up for a third pass, I slunk back down to my seat. It sucked.

[ 12. November 2017, 00:52: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

Posts: 19992 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A church I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me ...

I don't think I'd have given them the benefit of the doubt by attending "regularly". I might have given them a few weeks, but if they persisted in that level of ignoring (during the Eucharist????) I'd have metaphorically told them to shove it and tried to find somewhere else.
I eventually did, but my options were very limited at the time -- long story I don’t want to go into here.

quote:
Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
Sometimes I like to be left alone in church.

But at Communion!?!? What Lyda*Rose wrote. And [Tear] for you Pigwidgeon; how absolutely terrible.

Being left alone can be a good thing. Being anonymous was a good thing to me at that time. But being invisible was not.

I’m happy to say that I soon found the church where I’m now an active member... where I feel loved, valued, and included.


[Axe murder]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9454 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468

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Miss Amanda--

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
There's an anonymous US chain of restaurants (burgers, pancakes, etc.) that has a long history of ignoring and otherwise mistreating African Americans.

I know the one you're talking about. I don't think this happens any longer -- at least there have been no reports of it -- and it may have been a regional thing at worst. I've never witnessed it, but then again I'm Caucasian.
It seems to have been an ongoing thing, here in N. California. Was periodically in the news. Haven't heard anything for some time.

But I just looked it up, and there was a California anti-discrimination lawsuit as recently as last year.

That restaurant chain's treatment of African-Americans is so [Eek!] , over so many years, that I can only think they only employ waiters who freely admit they are brazenly racist.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

Posts: 17978 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468

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quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A church I used to attend fairly regularly refused even to see me ...

I don't think I'd have given them the benefit of the doubt by attending "regularly". I might have given them a few weeks, but if they persisted in that level of ignoring (during the Eucharist????) I'd have metaphorically told them to shove it and tried to find somewhere else.
FWIW: I grew up in the kind of church where you don't go up to the altar for communion--trays of "wee cuppies" (of grape juice) were passed down the pews, and trays of cracker bits. I think that, somewhere or other, I've also had communion wine in wee cuppies (Lutheran, maybe?).

I know that might be quite unattractive to folks used to a liturgical Eucharist. But it would be very hard to be ignored in that set-up, unless someone just didn't pass the tray down to your seat.

If, however, someone who's ignored at the altar rail wants some form of communion, somewhere, a simple church with trays might be an option.

FYI: it's not necessarily served every week. Might be several times a year.

YMMV.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

Posts: 17978 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Rossweisse

High Church Valkyrie
# 2349

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Am I the only person reading who doesn't know the name of the infamous anti-black restaurant chain? (I would be grateful if someone would PM me with it. Ta!)

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I'm not dead yet.

Posts: 14683 | From: Valhalla | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468

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I'll PM it to you. Just didn't want to get the Ship or myself in trouble.

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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?"--Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon"
--"I'm not giving up--and neither should you." --SNL

Posts: 17978 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
Margaret

Shipmate
# 283

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Not irritating or unpleasant like other experiences on this thread, just slightly mystifying: a fairly close friend is having a major birthday this week, and weeks ago invited us to the party she's having next Saturday. When my husband explained he couldn't come because he'd be at a conference then she didn't ask whether I could still come, and hasn't said anything about it since. We dropped round yesterday with her card and present and were invited in to have tea and cake, which I suspect is in lieu of the party, to which I'm evidently not invited on my own.

I'm perfectly happy, as I'm not a party person, and anyway they're good friends - but I'm slightly [Confused]

Posts: 2451 | From: West Midlands UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Boogie

Boogie on down!
# 13538

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Get a puppy, you are never ignored with a puppy in your arms [Razz]

Sipech - in your situation at the Chinese I would have phoned the number for take aways, then when they asked if you are picking it up say ‘yes, I’m right here now but you are all ignoring me’

How very rude of them. [Mad]

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Garden. Room. Walk

Posts: 12666 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Get a puppy, you are never ignored with a puppy in your arms [Razz]

I find that I'm invisible when I'm with my dog -- she's much cuter than I am and gets all the attention.
[Big Grin]

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Don't keep calm. Go change the world.

Posts: 9454 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by Margaret:
We dropped round yesterday with her card and present and were invited in to have tea and cake, which I suspect is in lieu of the party, to which I'm evidently not invited on my own.

Good friends or not, under the circumstances I think I would have brought the present back to the store for a refund -- and perhaps even the card.

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"It used to be that being crazy meant something. But not anymore – nowadays everybody's crazy!" – Charles Manson

Posts: 10292 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged



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