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Source: (consider it) Thread: Hitler at the Pearly Gates
Simon

Editor
# 1

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Joke submitted by Dragonlady:

Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."

St Peter: "Not likely!"

Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."

At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.

St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."

Jesus: "Bugger off!"

Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."

Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.

Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."

God: "Tell him to get lost!"

Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."

God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"

[ 07. July 2005, 00:03: Message edited by: Simon ]

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Simon J blog

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Demas*
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# 7147

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Confusing - seems like it is the result of a weird merging of two unrelated jokes.

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Ian Climacus

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# 944

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A tad confusing as Demas said, and I find the reference to the Cross a bit offensive.

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HenryT

Canadian Anglican
# 3722

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Basically not funny.

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MaryFL
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# 7482

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The board ate my post... [Paranoid]

Anyway, I haven't found many offensive jokes so far, but this is one of them. For me, it was poking fun at the cross that made it offensive.

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neandergirl

Opposing the thumb
# 8916

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I didn't find the humour in it and I found the idea that Jesus could be swayed by a 'gift'like a cheap maitre'd ... well... cheap.

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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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I wasn't particularly offended by it.

It seemed rather pythonesque to begin with, and I let out a few giggles during the build-up, but the punchline was a bit of a let down after that, having nothing at all to do with the build-up. I agree that it seems like an odd blend of two jokes, either of which may be extremely funny on its own, but not as a hybrid.

[must learn to type]

[ 06. July 2005, 05:07: Message edited by: Back-to-Front ]

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'It has happened that men have sinned immensely in the open but have done greater deeds in secret, so that those who would disparage them have been fooled, with smoke instead of sunlight in their eyes.' - St John of the Ladder

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frin

Drinking coffee for Jesus
# 9

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I was wondering if anyone else performs an automatic mental disassociation between Jesus in art/ comedy/ literature and Jesus himself. I think I do this every time I come across Jesus in a joke, in a musical (Jerry Springer the Opera) or a cartoon (South Park), a mystery play or a medieval poem in which Jesus tries to guilt us out about his wounds.

As soon as that kicks in I seem to look at the thing differently, and measure it on its own rhetoric and internal logic and not how it measures up to my understanding of the divine nature.

Anyone else?

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Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Yes frin, you've described it well.

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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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Same here, which is why I perhaps have difficulty being offended by these things.

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'It has happened that men have sinned immensely in the open but have done greater deeds in secret, so that those who would disparage them have been fooled, with smoke instead of sunlight in their eyes.' - St John of the Ladder

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Marvin the Martian

Interplanetary
# 4360

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I don't care what anyone else says, I thought this was hilarious [Killing me] .

Mostly because the punchline caught me completely off guard...

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Russ
Old salt
# 120

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When I first heard this one (many years ago) what Hitler was offering was an Iron Cross, i.e. a medal, and the f-word was absent from the punchline.

This version isn't an improvement.

Russ

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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032

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I'm interested that Ian Climacus and MaryFL felt the joke was not appropriate because of the reference to 'the cross'. As the joke, so far as I can see, was 'poking fun', not at the cross, but at Christ's inability to carry his cross, I'm surprized that neither poster found that more offensive.

Or is 'the cross' a kind of peculiar shorthand-speak for Christ's passion, so in fact what is being found offensive here is a dig at Christ's suffering rather than the inanimate, and unfeeling bits of wood it happened on? Now I can understand that, to a certain degree, though I don't find the joke offensive, myself.

[ 06. July 2005, 14:07: Message edited by: Anselmina ]

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MaryFL
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# 7482

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quote:
Anselmina said

Or is 'the cross' a kind of peculiar shorthand-speak for Christ's passion, so in fact what is being found offensive here is a dig at Christ's suffering rather than the inanimate, and unfeeling bits of wood it happened on?

I think you hit the nail on the head here (no pun intended). To me, the cross is synonymous with Christ's passion, and poking fun at that made it offensive. (speaking only for myself here)

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Goodric

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# 8001

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As you probably will guess I have a very broad sense of humour and find most things tolerable...
Out of all the jokes here this is the only one I gave a 5 to in offensive category. This is the only joke here that gives me the gut reaction of making me want to smack someone in the teeth. For me, I think, it is because it ridicules and devalues Jesus and his passion - probably the most sacred and central thing to my life.

I don't get the Hitler connection either - just doesn't connect.

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Tree Bee

Ship's tiller girl
# 4033

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Seriously unfunny.
Seems to be going out of its way to be offensive on every level.

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— Woody Guthrie
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Last Dog Watch
Apprentice
# 9637

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Fell flat as far as I am concerned. Just not funny.


I also thought it offensive: it doesn't deal with religious paraphernalia or denominational squabbles, but a central issue of faith.


Forty years in purgatory for the original poster.

[Disappointed]

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one - two - three - eight

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Punchline was startling, but not funny. I guess I don't get a big kick out of "totally out of character" as the drawing card for a joke. I just thought it was dumb.

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God has shown me that I should not call any man impure or unclean. --Acts 10:28

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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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I'm not offended--can't take this seriously enough to find it offensive. But I don't find this at all funny because I don't get it. Maybe there's a joke here somewhere, but if there is I'm totally missing it.
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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Well I have to say I found this hilarious. Wasn't expecting it the punchline. Very much like the faux-brutal aspect of God himself trivialising the crucifixion. Also the suggestion that Jesus is so superficial as to be swayed by the promise of jewellery by someone as heinous as Hitler.
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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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lol gave this some more thought while I went out over a late lunch [Angel] and while I initially thought it inoffensive, I've changed my mind in respect that I think it would be offensive to Jewish ppl. I would also not be comfortable re-telling this joke because it treats the genocide too lightly... as if restitution of property would fix it all up... maybe that is part of the joke. I dunno, I always avoided genocide jokes as a rule and even though it is peripheral here, it has still spoiled it.

Am trying to think what it would need to not be offensive to me yet retain its character... played with 'Dude in charge of the sacking of Constaninople giving back the holy treasures' instead of Hitler. Ow! Nup. That didn't work either.
[Paranoid] [Eek!]


[ETA: I suppose the 2nd rumination gave me an in culture glimpse of why it could be offensive: i.e. about some things feelings run so deep for some ppl that they can never appreciate them being made light of]

[ 07. July 2005, 09:41: Message edited by: The Coot ]

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Newman's Own
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# 420

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I agree with those who see this as a combination of unrelated jokes - I read it over several times, and still cannot see what is supposed to be funny. That Hitler could 'buy off' Jesus with a gold cross?

I, too, heard the 'Iron Cross' version years ago (though I think details differed - I do not recall a reference to the Jews, which is highly offensive... one cannot help but know the least he took from them was gold...) I did not find that funny, either.

To date, this is the only joke on this board that I find genuinely offensive.

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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

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Long-Johns Silver
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# 1763

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Not funny at all just a poor attempt at being blatently offensive. All hangs on God swearing, insulting Jesus, mockery of the crucifixion - just pick all the boringly tired offensive ingredients you can find, stir well, hope the result works.....

sorry it didn't....

[Mad]

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Papio

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# 4201

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quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I'm not offended--can't take this seriously enough to find it offensive. But I don't find this at all funny because I don't get it. Maybe there's a joke here somewhere, but if there is I'm totally missing it.

Well, yeah.

A bloke who was wipped, beaten up, probably starved, tripped over carrying the cross he was about to be nailed to.

If the joke is attempting to portray Jesus as a wimp, then it does not succeed.

I can understand how loving your enemies could be construed as wimpish, but not tripping under the weight of the cross.

Completely and utterly unfunny.

and I give it a 3 for offence. Oddly, poking fun at the Passion still offends me to some extent.

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Transubstantiationdog
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# 10013

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Magic, a working class Daddygod.
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Disturbed_Kiwi
Apprentice
# 7563

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I found this to be brilliant.

All that build up about Hitler isn't important. It's a rug being carefully laid under your feet so that the final punchline (which has no relevance to Hitler) can soc you from the side.

I can see how people might find it offensive to call attention to the fact that Jesus couldn't carry his cross. But to me it was just an over the top joke.

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Curious George
Apprentice
# 10415

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I think the joke was based on Simon carrying Christs cross for him...
I thought it was funny....

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Thurible
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# 3206

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I didn't find it funny in the slightest, and found it very offensive (I think I gave it 4 for offence). Mocking the Passion really is going too far - to do so in conjunction with Hitler and the Holocaust adds to the offence.

Thurible

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-lucy-
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# 10465

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Well, well, well, I found that quite offensive (think I gave it a 4) considering what Jesus did for us. We have absolutely no room to mock him for it!

[ 17. October 2005, 16:01: Message edited by: _-_-_lucy_-_-_ ]

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