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» Ship of Fools   »   » The Laugh Judgment   » The desperate man on the train

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Source: (consider it) Thread: The desperate man on the train

# 1

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Joke submitted by Spike:

A man ran through a crowded train looking very agitated, calling out, "Is there a Catholic priest on board?"

When he got no reply, he ran back up the train shouting, "Is there an Anglican priest on board?" Still no reply.

By now becoming more desparate, he ran down the train shouting, "Is there a Rabbi on board?"

Eventually, a gentleman stood up and said, "Can I be of any assistance, my friend? I'm a Methodist minister."

The man looked at him and said, "No, you're no bloody good. I need a corkscrew!"

[ 20. July 2005, 23:39: Message edited by: Simon ]

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Jumble Sales of the Apocalypse

Posts: 3779 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492

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In my wife's old parish, a wag was fond of saying, 'Wherever you find four (Anglicans), there's sure to be a fifth'. It plays on the situation where everyone drinks excep[t the Methodists, although we all know there are some other teetotaling denominations and religious faiths...
[Killing me] [Killing me]

If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.

Posts: 30514 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
# 9691

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The fact that he was looking for a Priest, then an Anglican, and then a Rabbi not only provides a nice build up but makes the joke nice and inclusive. By including such a broad spectrum (half the world's population) it is difficult for anyone to be offended as no one is being victimised. Methodists are only singled out by their virtue.

Couple that with an off the wall punch line in the very last word and you've got a winner! [Smile]

PS: why fifth?

Posts: 28 | From: Birmingham | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged

# 44

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A 'fifth' is a particular size bottle of spirits for those of us who haven't gone metric.

Very decent chuckle here. Though I hear from our local Methodist minister that every hotel room at the conference at Torquay this year was equipped with a corkscrew, and that he'd not imbibed (nearly typed 'imbibled') so much in years.

At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

Posts: 7657 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Contributing Editor
# 23

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It's a lovely punchline, I just feel a niggle about the fact that no one would actually go through the clergy of three religions before asking lay people, or simply asking whether anyone had a corkscrew.

I saw a naked picture of me on the internet
Wearing Jesus's new snowshoes.
Well, golly gee.
- Eels

Posts: 1363 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Wesley J

Silly Shipmate
# 6075

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Originally posted by SteveTom:
It's a lovely punchline, I just feel a niggle about the fact that no one would actually go through the clergy of three religions before asking lay people, or simply asking whether anyone had a corkscrew.

One could set it in a ecumenical conference perhaps, and the man could be a waiter (or a woman as waitress)? I wonder if it might work better that way?

It is a bit longish the way it stands, 'tis true.

[ 19. July 2005, 08:53: Message edited by: Wesley J ]

Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)

Posts: 7305 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged

Mad Woman
# 3466

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I didn't find this funny because I don't think I've met any tea-totalling Methodists (or not that I'm aware of). If it had been a Baptist or a Wee Free then the punchline would have worked for me. Again, I think the experience of the listener plays into whether the joke works or not.
Posts: 4609 | From: bonny Scotland | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
# 28

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thats the only one so far that actually made me laugh out loud. i think its the shear unexpectedness of the punchline. i really didn't see that one coming.

On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!

Posts: 11752 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
# 1125

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Originally posted by SteveTom:
It's a lovely punchline, I just feel a niggle about the fact that no one would actually go through the clergy of three religions before asking lay people, or simply asking whether anyone had a corkscrew.

The point is that the clergy are MORE likely to have a corkscrew than a layperson.

Now the Sirens have a still more fatal weapon than their song, namely their silence ... it is conceivable that someone might possibly have escaped from their singing; but from their silence certainly never.

Posts: 457 | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Uncle Coyote
# 9234

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Maybe it's just here in the United States, but Methodists (as I was raised) do not abstain from alcohol. Working dorm custodial staff one Summer, I can attest to the fact that the United Methodist Women's group downed more wine than the football coaches (US-style, not the rest of the world) drank of beer. If memory serves, they outdrank all the other conferences combined.

Still amusing, though.

Posts: 5 | From: Political Fallout Shelter, USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34

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In Britain, the expectation was that Methodists didn't drink. As far as I am aware, there was no Standing Order against it. However, there were rules against alcohol in manses and churches. The Standing Order abou alcohol in manses has now been dropped. The exception to that is if one of the rooms is used as a church, circuit or district office - there should be no alcohol consumed there.

The SO about alcohol in churches still stands, apart from Central Hall, Westminister which has been given approval to sell alcohol at conferences

Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged

# 283

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And when I stayed at the Methodist International Centre in London recently I was delighted to discover that it has a very pleasant (and well-stocked) bar.
Posts: 2453 | From: West Midlands UK | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Originally posted by SteveTom:
It's a lovely punchline, I just feel a niggle about the fact that no one would actually go through the clergy of three religions before asking lay people, or simply asking whether anyone had a corkscrew.

Oh dear, now you're being Alice on us, ST.

It plays on the stereotype of clergy being hard-drinkers and having a 'do as I say not as I do attitude', ie. the person is far more likely to get a corkscrew from any of the above than any layperson present.

I don't find the stereotype offensive... because I have often found it true (plus drinking too much is not such a big deal, imo). I laugh because it makes explicit something I might cynically, privately think.

Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Amazing Grace*

# 4754

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I really enjoyed this joke. It poked gentle fun at a certain stereotype, but wasn't mean-spirited at all IMO. I had not heard this one before (unlike a lot of the old chestnuts on TLJ [Biased] ) and laughed heartily.

My big niggle was that I grew up Methodist and we were hardly teetotal. Indeed, my dad taught me to carry a bottle opener around just in case! (Although, as he says, there are definitely different types of Methodists.)

I retold it quite successfully to my parents, switching "Baptist minister" at the end. They appreciated the joke and plan to circulate it.


.sig on vacation

Posts: 2594 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged

Have candles, will pray
# 5557

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This is the first one that made me laugh out loud.

I didn't have a problem with the "Methodist" wording, even though the stereotype isn't true of U.S. Methodists. It could've been some group I'd never heard of and I still would have gotten the joke. I don't think it's really that hard to translate.

That's not just me, is it? I often find myself laughing at jokes where I don't understand the particulars, but I can understand the point being made and see the irony - e.g., when you hear a comic on TV making a joke with a local reference. Usually there's something universal enough about it that your mind plugs in a substitute from your own locality.

I reserve the right to change my mind.

My article on the Virgin of Vladimir

Posts: 7755 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged

Canadian Anglican
# 3722

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I was recently at a service that started 30 minutes late for lack of a corkscrew. There were RC and Anglicans a-plenty.

"Perhaps an invincible attachment to the dearest rights of man may, in these refined, enlightened days, be deemed old-fashioned" P. Henry, 1788

Posts: 7231 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged

Quixotic Tilter
# 57

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Life imitates art.


It is better to be Kind than right.

Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
# 10538

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A naff joke in every sense.
a) why ask only clergy (they may be more likely to have one but on a do as I do not as I say basis less likely to lend it). In any case why ask for the clergy and then the cork screw?
b) methodists aren't usually TT anyway
c) yes the punch line is unexpected but only because you expect something with a degree of at least self referential logic.
Amazed that this made it amongst such illustrious companions.


Posts: 5 | From: Uk | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged

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