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» Ship of Fools   »   » The Laugh Judgment   » Secrets of the confessional

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Secrets of the confessional
Simon

Editor
# 1

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Joke submitted by Foaming Draught:

Michael took Kevin along with him to confession for moral support. Kevin waited in the pews while Michael approached the confessional.

"Forgive me father, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

"Ah Michael," sighed the priest, "you have grieved the Holy Spirit. Tell me, was it Mary McCarthy?"

"I can't tell you, father," answered Michael, "I promised I wouldn't say, but forgive me, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

"Michael, this is not what you have been taught by Mother Church. Was it Sinead O'Rourke?"

"I can't say, father, I promised I wouldn't, but forgive me, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

"Ah, Michael, your poor mother and father would be heartbroken to know this. I wonder, was it Philomena Donnelly?"

"I can't tell you, father, I promised, forgive me, I have been with a woman."

"Michael, my son, I harboured such high hopes for you when you were an altar boy. Tell me, was it Therese Murphy?"

"Father, I can't say, I promised, forgive me father, I have sinned, I have been with a woman."

The priest pronounced, "Michael, you must say 50 Our Fathers and 30 Hail Marys."

"Thank you, father," a relieved Michael acknowledged, and went back to the pews where his mate Kevin was waiting.

"Michael, Michael, what did the father say?"

"He gave me 50 Our Fathers, 30 Hail Marys and four good leads."

[ 12. August 2005, 17:19: Message edited by: Simon ]

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Simon J blog

Posts: 3729 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
Atmospheric Skull

Antlered Bone-Visage
# 4513

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That's funny. Completely unexpected punchline.

It goes on a little too long, though -- it would be snappier if it were three girls, and I'm never keen when a joke goes for word-for-word repetitiveness. I'll probably tell this one, but I'll alter it.

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Surrealistic Mystic.

Posts: 371 | From: Bristol, UK | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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The absurdity appealed to me. For the benefit of those whose sister churches do not practise sacramental confession (and since mine is the first response), I'll explain that priests do not at all enquire about details of sins in this fashion, asking who one's 'partner in sin' was and the like.

Two elements, which are true to life (where the manner of confession presented is not) particularly amused me. I'm of a generation where many people made sacramental confession weekly (and sometimes very weakly), and it was not unusual to hear people say before time (perhaps in the queue) that they could not think of anything to confess. I've never heard any priest repeat what he heard in confession, of course, but those whom I knew well sometimes admitted that they'd sit in the confessional for hours, hearing endless recitations of 'I forgot my morning prayers'.' My mental picture with this joke was of a priest hearing countless confessions, distracted and bored, who finally is hearing a penitent who has 'something to say.'

The 'four good leads' line is rather priceless as well. Theologically incorrect though it is, it was not unusual, in the days when weekly confession was common, for young people (which I assume the penitent in this joke would be) to figure out when they could make confession in order to receive communion on Sunday - they were not necessarily focussing on purpose of amendment.

I found this joke to be quite funny, realistic in its theme (though not its presentation), and not at all offensive. I can see its being offensive, however, to those who (incorrectly!) picture priests as badgering penitents for details (especially about sex), or to Protestants who deplore sacramental confession.

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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

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quote:
Originally posted by Newman's Own:
I've never heard any priest repeat what he heard in confession, of course, but those whom I knew well sometimes admitted that they'd sit in the confessional for hours, hearing endless recitations of 'I forgot my morning prayers'.'

I forget who it was now who said "Hearing confession from a Nun is like being stoned to death with polystyrene"

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Bah! Humbug!

Posts: 11828 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
QLib

Bad Example
# 43

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This joke is so old!. And I thought it was a bit feeble 40-odd years ago when I first heard it. [Smile]

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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.

Posts: 8805 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Procrastinus

Ship's Fortean
# 9915

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Do you think the poll results may be skewed ? In that, the people most likely to be offended - or to take grevious offense - are perhaps least likely to participate in a thread of this kind.

And/or jokes are pre-screened so possibly jokes on the borderline, which might tell us the most, may be screened out ahead of time.

Could be completely wrong about this of course. Apologies if this is in the wrong thread. [Hot and Hormonal]

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Dare to be wise; begin.

Posts: 198 | From: Imaginary Future | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
TheLearner
Apprentice
# 9740

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quote:
Originally posted by Procrastinus:
Do you think the poll results may be skewed ? In that, the people most likely to be offended - or to take grevious offense - are perhaps least likely to participate in a thread of this kind.

And/or jokes are pre-screened so possibly jokes on the borderline, which might tell us the most, may be screened out ahead of time.

Could be completely wrong about this of course. Apologies if this is in the wrong thread. [Hot and Hormonal]

If you would spend some time perusing this thread, I think that you would find that the "borderline" jokes are also included. This seems to be an effort to truly gauge the limits of joking when it comes to being offensive. For examples please see Priest and Pimple or Girl on a Cliff (if you aren't easily offended/disgusted.

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Pollack

"All Christians should be tools in the hand of God, but some are bigger tools than others." -Anonymous (Hope I didn't see this one on SoF)

Posts: 21 | From: Siloam Springs, AR, USA | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251

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We've tried to keep the general discussion about the Laugh Judgment corralled to the "About the Laugh Judgment" and the general discussion threads at the top of the board.

Questions and comments about how this board is run belong in the Styx.

Duo Seraphim, Laugh Judgement Host

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2^8, eight bits to a byte

Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ogre
Shipmate
# 4601

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A better punch line, in the version I heard from my Uncle forty years ago, was [spoken in a heavy Dublin accent] , "No, I didn't get absolution, Paddy, but I got a couple of hot tips for tonight!". [Votive]

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Pete Ergo Religionem

['Therefore Seek a Way of Life']

Posts: 480 | From: West Midlands, UK | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged
Papio

Ship's baboon
# 4201

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I know someone called Mary McCarthy. [Eek!]

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Infinite Penguins.
My "Readit, Swapit" page
My "LibraryThing" page

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dorothea
Goodwife and low church mystic
# 4398

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I forget who it was now who said "Hearing confession from a Nun is like being stoned to death with polystyrene.

Spike wrote:
quote:
I forget who it was now who said "Hearing confession from a Nun is like being stoned to death with polystyrene"


Heehee.

J

Posts: 1581 | From: Notlob City Limits | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged
Julian4
Shipmate
# 9937

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I'm sure I heard a version of this set in Australia where two drifters arrive in a town they don't know and one uses the confessional pretence as detailed above to check out the prospect of finding any "loose women".
Posts: 305 | From: Dorset | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420

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quote:
Originally posted by Ogre:
A better punch line, in the version I heard from my Uncle forty years ago, was [spoken in a heavy Dublin accent] , "No, I didn't get absolution, Paddy, but I got a couple of hot tips for tonight!".

That is a wonderful ending!

Papio, doesn't everyone know at least one lady named Mary McCarthy? [Biased]

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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged


 
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