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» Ship of Fools   » Things we did   » The Laugh Judgment   » New priest's first confession

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Source: (consider it) Thread: New priest's first confession

# 1

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Joke submitted by smartartz, Skippy and Richard:

A young priest is taking his first confession.

"Forgive me, father, for I have sinned," says a young woman. "It's a year since my last confession. I have had impure thoughts and oral sex with an encyclopedia salesman."

The priest doesn't know what to do. He leans out of the confession box and whispers over to the choir who are in church for a practice. "Pssst! Lads! What does Father Doherty give for a blow job?"

Little Liam pipes up: "A Mars Bar and a packet of crisps."

[ 12. August 2005, 17:19: Message edited by: Simon ]

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Eternal memory

Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged
The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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Old and tired.

If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged

Completely Frocked
# 473

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This one made me laugh because I had to stop and work it out. Unlike BTF I'd not heard it before. Jokes to me are always funnier if you don't get them for a few seconds, have to think it through, and then understanding dawns. There's nothing less funny than an entirely predictable or obvious joke.

OK, the idea of the paedophilia is pretty nasty, but as a joke it works.

I like the idea of the new priest not knowing how he should respond, and the response of the choir boy (hopefully) not being quite what he expected......

[ 05. August 2005, 10:48: Message edited by: Chorister ]

Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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Hey...I submitted this one too, with minor variations. And with the comment that it was the first priest/pedophile joke I ever heard, and the only one I've ever found genuinely funny.

I'm trying to analyze why I found it so funny. Here in Nfld. we were very much on the cusp of the whole priest/pedophile trend (sure is nice to be a trend-leader in something) so when the first priest was charged here, there was genuine shock, not the eye-rolling "not again" response that eventually become more common. This joke was circulating locally within a couple of weeks of the news breaking, and was told with the name of the actual priest involved in place of "Father Doherty" (the new priest asks the question of an altar boy, and "Father Doherty" had indeed been accused of molesting altar boys).

The fact that his name was used (he was an extremely well-respected local priest to the extent that even Protestants like me knew of him and thought well of him) and that the joke came so hard on the heels of the news story added to the shock value -- genuinely made it one of those jokes at which you feel "I'll be struck dead for laughing at this, but it's so funny I can't NOT laugh."

What made it so funny? It is, of course, "old and tired" now, but then? It had some surprise value, it had genuine local colour (in our version the altar boy reponded "bag of chips and a Pepsi," the classic Newfoundland snack), but most of all, I think, the cheeky insouciance of the altar boy's response puts it in quite a different category from "girl on a cliff" and indeed from the real life victims -- he came across not as a victim but as a very typical smart-assed Newfoundland kid, clearly sizing up the potential benefits to him in the situation -- thus all the laughter is directed at the morally corrupt priest without the attendant sense of pity for the victim. The realization that, of course, there ARE real-life victims and what happens to them is not funny, is what gives the joke its shock/offense value.

Sorry for the lengthy dissertation but I have been wanting to talk about this joke ever since the priest/pedophile humour began ... it really is a better balance of funny/offensive for me than almost anything we've seen here (not so much now, but the joke as it was when I first heard it 15+ years ago).

Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Newman's Own
# 420

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Originally posted by TrudyTrudy (I say unto you):
... the cheeky insouciance of the altar boy's response puts it in quite a different category from "girl on a cliff" and indeed from the real life victims -- he came across not as a victim but as a very typical smart-assed Newfoundland kid, clearly sizing up the potential benefits to him in the situation -- thus all the laughter is directed at the morally corrupt priest without the attendant sense of pity for the victim.

Oddly enough, I think that this is the reason that I did not find this joke offensive, where normally I am very irritated by 'paedophile humour.'

Innocent that I am, I was very surprised, in the course of some of my ministerial work, to meet people who were basically prostitutes. They would share sexual activity with just about anyone (if not anything) without being troubled, if financial or other advantages could be had. I know that Liam in the joke is supposed to be 'little,' but for some reason I pictured him as young but not a child, and casually referring to the incident.

I've known many young priests (or those soon to be ordained) who have worried about hearing confessions for the first time, picturing that each session will mean penitents with odd and very grave situations right out of the advanced moral theology texts. Though it would be unthinkable that a priest would actually call out to ask what penance he should impose, I had an amusing picture of a neophyte fumbling to learn the job on the first day.

I did not find the joke to be hilarious, but it was mildly funny, the more because I had the impression that Liam was calm and matter of fact where the priest was anxious.

“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn

Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
# 3452

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Oh great, more paedophile priest gags, just what the project needs. Haven't we established all there is to establish with these?


Maybe that's all a family really is; a group of people who miss the same imaginary place. - Garden State

Posts: 3847 | From: The courts of the King | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged

Like as the
# 4991

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This is the first priestly paedophilia joke I've actually laughed at. I think it's because the first one that was actually a joke, rather than just a schoolboy-like exclamation of "priest are paedos... tee hee."

Ave Crux, Spes Unica!
Preaching blog

Posts: 8164 | From: Notre Dame, IN | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged
# 9750

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I agree...this is the only peado-joke that I have found amusing. I think the reason is that a) the priest in this joke is not a predator, and b) the kid appears to be rather in control of his responses to the situation.

NOTE: For those with a somewhat flamelike response time....I am not attempting to imply that victims of child abuse are in any way in control of what is happening.......this is just a joke, no?

Very funny joke....not at all offensive.

"I believe that the words Favour", "Owe", and "Big" were used....."

Posts: 28 | From: NYC | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
# 9153

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There's an old legal variant on the theme:

A new judge has to pass sentence on a man convicted of living off immoral earnings, and having no guidelines for the proper penalty sends his clerk to ask a senior judge "How much do you give a ponce?"
The answer comes back "Never more than three-and-six".

The common theme, that those exalted persons who are supposed to guard our moral values and as bad or worse than everyone else is what makes this joke funny. It would have been exactly as funny if the new priest had been told by an adult informant that Fr Doherty usually gives twenty-five quid (or whatever). The paedophilia aspect is incidental to the humour.

"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"

Richard Dawkins

Posts: 4619 | From: Hampton, Middlesex, UK | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged

Ship's baboon
# 4201

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Infinite Penguins.
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My "LibraryThing" page

Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003  |  IP: Logged
# 9937

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Though this is arguably just another "priest/paedophile" joke, I think it predates the current scandal by a number of years. I believe I've heard it with someone other than a choirboy giving the response, too - the cleaning lady perhaps? It also has more to it than some of the simpler variations. So more funny and less offensive than the typical priest/paedo type.
Posts: 305 | From: Dorset | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged

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