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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: fucking itching and the idiot who doesn't think it matters
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Fuck this fucking itchy post surgical skin and the idiot it rode in on ( namely, me). And the nurse who refused to even look at it but said to her poor wee subordinate, "just tell her to go get some hydrocortisone cream." Fuck you very much, lady. I have hydrocortisone cream up the wazoo, two benadryl by mouth and a ton more by skin, ice packs, and a full dose of hydrocodone--and it isn't fucking doing a fucking thing. My abdomen looks like hamburger. My family go in fear of the hivy red monster who has inflicted herself upon them. There are thirteen and a half hours yet before i can go see the NICE allergist, who will give something stronger than bathwater to cope with this. Meanwhile i can't even take a fucking bath, because of six fucking incisions.
I'm going to be the awake and awful asshole from hell all night, as I try not to scratch. Fuck you very much, idiot, for all your fucking help.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Martin60
Shipmate
# 368
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Posted
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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Love wins
Posts: 17586 | From: Never Dobunni after all. Corieltauvi after all. Just moved to the capital. | Registered: Jun 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
See, children, what itching can do to a person. Lamb Chopped is normally the most calm, reasonable, and logical person on the ship, and now see what she's become.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Leaf
Shipmate
# 14169
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Posted
Reminds me of Dave Barry's "A Rash Proposal", in which he goes to a doctor hoping the doc will prescribe "one of those three-pronged garden implements" and instruct him to "rake it across the rash every 10 seconds or as needed."
Wishing you relief and peace, and non-idiot medical care.
Posts: 2786 | From: the electrical field | Registered: Oct 2008
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Patdys
Iron Wannabe
RooK-Annoyer
# 9397
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Fuck you very much, lady. I have hydrocortisone cream up the wazoo...
Have you tried putting it on the rash?
All the best for your healing lamb chopped.
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Marathon run. Next Dream. Australian this time.
Posts: 3511 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Mockingale
Shipmate
# 16599
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Posted
Whenever I'm uncomfortable, I just drink the discomfort away. Or maybe an oatmeal bath, if you like your liver. Sorry for the itching.
Posts: 679 | From: Connectilando | Registered: Aug 2011
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
*points at orfeo*
I do NOT want to irritate the red rashy harpy lady....
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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the giant cheeseburger
Shipmate
# 10942
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Posted
I wouldn't want to irritate her either.
Something else (an allergen of some kind or the attempt to shove hydrocortisone cream up the wazoo) seems to have taken care of that already.
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If I give a homeopathy advocate a really huge punch in the face, can the injury be cured by giving them another really small punch in the face?
Posts: 4834 | From: Adelaide, South Australia. | Registered: Jan 2006
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Patdys:
You got a rash too, huh? ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
get it straight. LC is Red Rashy Harpy Lady.
I'm Red Ragey Stabby Lady.
There will be a test.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
quote:
Originally posted by Patdys:
You got a rash too, huh?
get it straight. LC is Red Rashy Harpy Lady.
I'm Red Ragey Stabby Lady.
There will be a test.
Sounds like LC could use a test. A lab test.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
*points at orfeo*
I do NOT want to irritate the red rashy harpy lady....
What, and you think that just because I'm in a different hemisphere, it'd be safer for me?
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
I keep wanting to sing the thread title to the tune of "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'" by Journey but it doesn't quite scan.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
quote:
Originally posted by comet:
*points at orfeo*
I do NOT want to irritate the red rashy harpy lady....
What, and you think that just because I'm in a different hemisphere, it'd be safer for me?
yep. pretty much.
see, Lamb Scratched? Orf's right over here. he's holding the farm implement. just think how goooood it will feel to rake that bad boy across the ol' hives.
now, sick him!
*hides*
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
I keep wanting to sing the thread title to the tune of "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'" by Journey but it doesn't quite scan.
fuckin'... itchin'.... oooooooozin'....my derma.....
I'm tearing me apart, with every every IIIIICH
I'm tearing me apart, oh this rash's a bitch
It won't be long... ohhh! til the doctor's home
I just can't way-eee-yay-ee-ait, ooooh for that cortizone
and I'll be rubbin'...I'll be sighin'....
I'll be sleep-ay-ah-in'... like a mu-fucker!
[ 16. November 2013, 04:28: Message edited by: comet ]
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
You're not supposed to drink hydrocortisone, either.
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
Let's not rush to any rash decisions. Six incisions are enough.
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Lamb Chopped
Probably a reaction to the steriliser they swabbed your skin with pre-operation.
1. Gently wash the entire area (they'll have swabbed from John O'Groats to Lands End) with mild face wash or anything you know doesn't make you itch.
2. Don't apply any more hydrocortisone cream - some people find it makes them itch more and you may be one.
3. Apply a little honey, if necessary mixed with a smidgeon of water.
Cover loosely.
DRINK WHISKY.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
I itch 24/7 as I have psoriasis and dry eczema, you have my sympathy and empathy.
My only advice is to train your brain to ignore it - which is easier some days than others.
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Dear God. I'm a red hivy harpy, and you torment me with Journey?
There is no mercy in this world.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Mockingale
Shipmate
# 16599
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Dear God. I'm a red hivy harpy, and you torment me with Journey?
There is no mercy in this world.
Don't Stop. Believin'.
Posts: 679 | From: Connectilando | Registered: Aug 2011
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
Here's a poem for you.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Mockingale
Shipmate
# 16599
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
... and you don't want to know what I did to get it. Don't make me hurt you.
Anyway you want it. That's the way you need it.
Posts: 679 | From: Connectilando | Registered: Aug 2011
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Thank you, Moo.
Mockingale:
quote:
Hatchet-killings ain’t a crime:
Summertime is itchy time.
quote:
"I will do such things -- what they are yet I know not -- but they shall be the terrors of the earth!"
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Mockingale
Shipmate
# 16599
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Mockingale:
quote:
"I will do such things -- what they are yet I know not -- but they shall be the terrors of the earth!"
I shall laugh myself to death at this puppy-headed monster!
/Who's crying now?
[ 16. November 2013, 13:29: Message edited by: Mockingale ]
Posts: 679 | From: Connectilando | Registered: Aug 2011
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Jahlove
Tied to the mast
# 10290
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Posted
LC, can you get
Epaderm or similar where you are?
After years of suffering, I finally saw a GP with an interest in dermatology who told me that the various STUFFS they put in "creams" as a preservative do, in fact, often exacerbate the condition (something no Consultant Dermatologist had ever suggested). Epaderm (no, I'm not on commission), otoh, is an oil-based preparation that allows the skin to heal by itself and certainly stops the itching ime.
[ 16. November 2013, 15:51: Message edited by: Jahlove ]
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“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” - Mark Twain
Posts: 6477 | From: Alice's Restaurant (UK Franchise) | Registered: Sep 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
reality check, idiots - remember that the Ship (and sure as shit not Hell!) is not a good source of medical advice and the crazy crap these idiots are spouting is probably a bunch of fantasy and does no good whatsoever. However, even if you morons happen to have the really real for-sure cure for the common hive, we're not the place. you want to offer LC your medical advice, keep it private and off the boards.
of course, you all already know this, you just forgot, right?
comet, Hellhost
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
MWA-HA-HA-HA. He gave me the GOOD stuff.
After eyebrows getting higher and higher as I told him all the shit I'd tried at once. I thought they'd get tangled up in his hairline.
He is a good Catholic and considers itching to be a Device of the Devil.
He offered no opinion on the provenance of the nurse who blew me off.
[ 16. November 2013, 18:08: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
I've got a rusted farm implement for ya. Used by a friend of mine who had to clear out some underbrush to plant an herb garden. Naturally, she was quite pleased with her handiwork, and had me over to show it off.
"Um, Helen? That's poison ivy by the cilantro."
The look on her face when I pointed out what she'd been elbow-deep in the day before—simultaneously priceless and frightening. Of course I faked it and put on my best Sympathyface when she called me a day later, her arms and legs covered in weeping rashes. Somehow, taunting irate women with RFI's and a nasty case of the Rash doesn't seem like a good idea, even to sometimes dimwits like me.
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
MWA-HA-HA-HA. He gave me the GOOD stuff.
After eyebrows getting higher and higher as I told him all the shit I'd tried at once. I thought they'd get tangled up in his hairline.
He is a good Catholic and considers itching to be a Device of the Devil.
He offered no opinion on the provenance of the nurse who blew me off.
Kicking the gong around, are we? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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