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Source: (consider it) Thread: Name your own church!
Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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If you had the sole power and privilege of naming a new church, what would you name it, and why?

This was brought on by driving home past WAY too many pretentiously named churches, e.g. "The Journey," "The Gathering Place," "Cornerstone," "Mosaic," "Solid Ground," and so forth.

I couldn't help wistfully imagining a tiny church named "The Pitstop," "Coffee and Doughnuts," "The Pebble," "The Fingerpainting," and "Quicksand."

I'd be mightily tempted.

What about you--and why?

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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cliffdweller
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# 13338

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quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
If you had the sole power and privilege of naming a new church, what would you name it, and why?

This was brought on by driving home past WAY too many pretentiously named churches, e.g. "The Journey," "The Gathering Place," "Cornerstone," "Mosaic," "Solid Ground," and so forth.

I couldn't help wistfully imagining a tiny church named "The Pitstop," "Coffee and Doughnuts," "The Pebble," "The Fingerpainting," and "Quicksand."

I'd be mightily tempted.

What about you--and why?

Nah, the first time one of those more impishly named churches grows to megachurch status, you're going to see the exact same trend, and every church on every corner will have a similarly random name. "Radiator", "French Fries", "Wiggles". And then what started out as counter-cultural and cool and fun will quickly and inevitably become pretentious and lame.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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SvitlanaV2
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# 16967

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quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
This was brought on by driving home past WAY too many pretentiously named churches, e.g. "The Journey," "The Gathering Place," "Cornerstone," "Mosaic," "Solid Ground," and so forth.

Those names don't sound pretentious to me, but of course they do hint at the kind of churches they are. It would probably be more pretentious for an independent megachurch to name itself after a saint, as if to give itself a historical validity that it doesn't own!

The English Methodist churches of my experience are usually named after an area or a road. I sometimes daydream about fictional urban Methodist churches with names like 'Albert Street' or 'Charlotte Road' - names that conjure up churches with a Victorian or Edwardian heritage. A 'Cornerstone Methodist Church' would create quite a different image. It whispers rebranding, or perhaps it's a church plant. 'St. Peter's Methodist Church' sounds quite suburban and relatively 'high'.

Some of the Black denominations were known for their quite long and colourful church names. You could have fun making up names such as: 'The Redeemed Christian Church of God in Christ, the Blessed Redeemer in... Hackney'.

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Banner Lady
Ship's Ensign
# 10505

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I would like to attend the church of St.Hiatus.

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Women in the church are not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be enjoyed.

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Lietuvos Sv. Kazimieras
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# 11274

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Church of Our Lady Queen of the Cosmos, Mediatrix and Co- Redemptrix [Two face]

[ 16. July 2014, 02:20: Message edited by: Lietuvos Sv. Kazimieras ]

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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I once began to write a novel set in a St. Botolph's Church. I cannot remember why I selected that saint, but I do know that I erected the building on a nearby soccer field in my town. It was going to be a murder mystery.

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
Nah, the first time one of those more impishly named churches grows to megachurch status, you're going to see the exact same trend, and every church on every corner will have a similarly random name. "Radiator", "French Fries", "Wiggles". And then what started out as counter-cultural and cool and fun will quickly and inevitably become pretentious and lame.

True, though my own intention was to come up with names that were represented the true and usual state of any congregation of ours. Pretentious? Nope. Lame? Most certainly!

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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I think I would probably have to call a new church "Bitchin' Schismatics" to be truly reflecting the likely nature of the group.

Although anyone who could admit to being a member would have a good starting point for a discussion.

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Lord may all my hard times be healing times
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Jane R
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# 331

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I would be happy to attend a church dedicated to St. Eutychus - who, as everyone will remember, is the young man in Acts who went to sleep during one of St. Paul's sermons, fell out of the window and died but was brought back to life by St. Paul. And had to listen to the rest of the sermon.

If he is not the patron saint of congregations, he ought to be.

[ 16. July 2014, 08:13: Message edited by: Jane R ]

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Sandemaniac
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# 12829

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St Sexburga.

Just because, OK?

I'm also rather a fan of this one, which tells you all you need to know about my sense of humour.

AG

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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869

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Lietuvos Sv. Kazimieras
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# 11274

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Church of St. Sciatica and Her Companions
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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Church of the Worshipful Mysteries.

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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

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Caissa
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# 16710

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Spong United
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Augustine the Aleut
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# 1472

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I have sometimes thought of Saint Pancreas, the Anglican riposte to the Sacred Heart, but an uncouth friend has asked why, while we get parishes named after the Visitation, the Nativity, the Epiphany, the Presentation, the Ascension, etc we never see a Church of the Circumcision.
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Sipech
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# 16870

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Though not a name, I like the motto of The People's Church in Banbury, which is 'No perfect people allowed'.

Maybe I would found a church called Belly Button Church. After all, this congregation is just one part of the wider body. We may be a bit weird looking but we do serve a necessary function.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
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Pomona
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# 17175

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quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I once began to write a novel set in a St. Botolph's Church. I cannot remember why I selected that saint, but I do know that I erected the building on a nearby soccer field in my town. It was going to be a murder mystery.

There is a St. Botolph's in London I believe.

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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]

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Sipech
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# 16870

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quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I once began to write a novel set in a St. Botolph's Church. I cannot remember why I selected that saint, but I do know that I erected the building on a nearby soccer field in my town. It was going to be a murder mystery.

There is a St. Botolph's in London I believe.
Indeed there is. Used to walk past it every day on my way to work.

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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Sandemaniac
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# 12829

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Hadstock in Essex, possibly a minster church built by Cnut (spellchecks carefully!), is a St Botolph as well.

AG

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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869

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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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I used to go to a church dedicated to St Werburghs (or St whirlybirds as it was affectionately known). I have never heard of St Werburgh, and have no idea why there are 2 churches in Derby dedicated to her.

I think a St WhirlyBirds church would be cool. You have to arrive by helicopter.

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Blog
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Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

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mark_in_manchester

not waving, but...
# 15978

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We have another church of St Werburgh around the corner, here. For a while, its tram stop (St W.'s Rd) achieved fame as the end of the line in these parts, and appeared on destination boards city wide. But then the system was extended, and the road sank back into suburban obscurity, along with its saint.

While I'm on - I'm with Svitlana. I could dream up a kind of nostalgia for me and 20 old folks at the evening service of a Gas Street Methodist. 'Life Church' - f*ck off. [Big Grin]

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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)

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Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Some of the early suggestions sound more like cafes or pubs to me. e.g. 'The Coffee and Doughnuts'. But then perhaps churches should be like cafes and pubs, with similar names. 'The Come Unto Me All Ye Who Are Heavy Laden' is not much longer a title than 'The Who'd Have Thought It', which is a real pub name (at least two in Creamtealand).

I once saw a cartoon showing a church renamed 'Faithland'. The caption underneath read 'But inside it was still St. Willibert's'. So, in honour of this cartoon, I'd like to name my own church 'St. Willibert's'. It would have a pick'n'mix approach to Christianity.

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I once began to write a novel set in a St. Botolph's Church. I cannot remember why I selected that saint, but I do know that I erected the building on a nearby soccer field in my town. It was going to be a murder mystery.

There is a St. Botolph's in London I believe.
Not one, three!

Jengie

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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

Back to my blog

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seekingsister
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# 17707

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quote:
Originally posted by TheAlethiophile:
Though not a name, I like the motto of The People's Church in Banbury, which is 'No perfect people allowed'.

Nadia Bolz-Weber, probably one of my favorite ministers, runs House for All Sinners and Saints which is a Lutheran church plant in Colorado.

House for All Sinners and Saints

It does however have a somewhat unfortunate acronym - HFASS.

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Pomona
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# 17175

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I used to go to a church dedicated to St Werburghs (or St whirlybirds as it was affectionately known). I have never heard of St Werburgh, and have no idea why there are 2 churches in Derby dedicated to her.

I think a St WhirlyBirds church would be cool. You have to arrive by helicopter.

Patron saint of Chester with more churches than I would have thought. I do love the 'little' English saints.

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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]

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monkeylizard

Ship's scurvy
# 952

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Saint Ursula's

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The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. ~ Herbert Spencer (1820 - 1903)

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Heavenly Anarchist
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# 13313

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St Barry. When we were looking at names for our younger son we came across St Barry, which seemed an unlikely name for a saint. He was a hermit who lived on what is now called Barry Island. We didn't name my youngest Barry (though we did call my eldest boy's rag doll Barry) but I'd happily name my church it.

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'I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.' Douglas Adams
Dog Activity Monitor
My shop

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Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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Since many churches claim that Coffee Hour is the eighth sacrament, I suggest Saint Drogo's (the Patron Saint of Coffee).

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

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Bob Two-Owls
Shipmate
# 9680

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I used to go to a church dedicated to St Werburghs (or St whirlybirds as it was affectionately known). I have never heard of St Werburgh, and have no idea why there are 2 churches in Derby dedicated to her.

St Werbugh was educated by St Chad, the chap buried in Lichfield from whence the Diocese of Derby is recently sprung.

As for the Church of the Circumcision, a more modern name might be The Director's Cut.

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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870

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quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Since many churches claim that Coffee Hour is the eighth sacrament, I suggest Saint Drogo's (the Patron Saint of Coffee).

If it's coffee we're after, then surely it must be St Bean!

No, not that one, I mean this one!

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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile

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IngoB

Sentire cum Ecclesia
# 8700

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I think St Moses the Black would be cool. It sounds great and it's an amazing story.

He was a slave who was considered to be so dangerous that his master decided to release him. A man who then went on to terrorise the region with a criminal gang, but eventually ended up hiding from the authorities among some monks.

He then finds Christ and becomes a kickass monk himself. And I mean kickass in all regards, from a prophetic refusal to judge another monk to literally fighting down and capturing a bunch of bandits trying to rob him in his cell. Oh yes, and he's credited for inventing the Paschal feast to break up fasting and eventually gets martyred trying to deal with another bunch of bandits non-violently.

He's also the Patron Saint of Africa.

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They’ll have me whipp’d for speaking true; thou’lt have me whipp’d for lying; and sometimes I am whipp’d for holding my peace. - The Fool in King Lear

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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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Maybe I should go for St Schroedinger the fabulous. For all physicists and gay people.

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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

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Casineb
Apprentice
# 15588

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quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
The English Methodist churches of my experience are usually named after an area or a road. I sometimes daydream about fictional urban Methodist churches with names like 'Albert Street' or 'Charlotte Road' - names that conjure up churches with a Victorian or Edwardian heritage. A 'Cornerstone Methodist Church' would create quite a different image. It whispers rebranding, or perhaps it's a church plant. 'St. Peter's Methodist Church' sounds quite suburban and relatively 'high'.

There's a 'Cornerstone Methodist Church' in the city I live. It rebranded about two years ago and started operating a coffee shop at the same time.

However it's also my experience that most Methodist churches are named after their location, e.g. 'Slough Methodist Church'. Of course, 'Wesley' is a fairly common name!

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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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On a traditional note, I have always liked St Jude.

But if you were looking for quirky / memorable perhaps:
  • The Cross & Crook (pubby & describes the congregation)
  • OMG (on trend for five minutes)
  • Deity Encounter (what's meant to happen)
  • Vocation (we're calling you ...)


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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

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Bene Gesserit
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# 14718

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There are several St. Botolph's churches here in the Flatlands of the East - but then, he did come from these parts!

[ 16. July 2014, 19:48: Message edited by: Bene Gesserit ]

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Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus

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St. Gwladys
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# 14504

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Some friends of ours are running "Encounter House" - it describes what it's meant to do, to give people a place where they can encounter God

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"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

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Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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The Kwicky Kirk

Confession and communion in 40 minutes or less.

Millions served.

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Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

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I was at St Triangles. These days I'm at St Lego's.

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shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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Years ago Sine attended a church that he referred to as St. Withits.

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430

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We already have local churches such as the Mountain Of Fire And Miracles Ministry, the Incorruptible Word Ministries, the Prayer And Life Ministry, and (my favourite) the Unitarian Church Of The Great Companions.

Further afield, we have St. Sexburga (a lovely Saxon lady saint), St. Werburgh (not sure what she's doing down here in Kent), and our very own 7thC Abbess, St. Eanswythe.

Not too easy to come up with anything more exotic, but I do rather like the sound of St. Uncumber (aka Wilgefortis), whose cult dates from the 14thC - one feels that she should be the patron saint of Clearing All The Clutter And Junk From The Church Boiler-Room (a sore point with our Churchwardens just now.....)!

Ian J.

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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)

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churchgeek

Have candles, will pray
# 5557

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quote:
Originally posted by Augustine the Aleut:
I have sometimes thought of Saint Pancreas, the Anglican riposte to the Sacred Heart, but an uncouth friend has asked why, while we get parishes named after the Visitation, the Nativity, the Epiphany, the Presentation, the Ascension, etc we never see a Church of the Circumcision.

You could argue that's what any church called Holy Name is really meant to be called. [Snigger]


How about a Church of the Nameless Woman - which would, of course, leave people wondering under which (presumably biblical, but you never know) woman's patronage it's meant to be.

Could be the woman who anointed Jesus' feet with her tears. He said she'd be remembered wherever the Gospel is proclaimed, but didn't mention her name. Or it could be the Syro-Phonecian woman, or the Samaritan woman at the well, or... you get the point.

Prayers to the patron saint, which could be offered on any given day (when's her feast day, anyway?), would begin, "Whoever you are..."

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I reserve the right to change my mind.

My article on the Virgin of Vladimir

Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

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quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
How about a Church of the Nameless Woman? <<snip>> Prayers to the patron saint, which could be offered on any given day (when's her feast day, anyway?), would begin, "Whoever you are..."

Or Church of the Beloved Disciple.

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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Twilight

Puddleglum's sister
# 2832

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quote:
Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
Not too easy to come up with anything more exotic, but I do rather like the sound of St. Uncumber (aka Wilgefortis), whose cult dates from the 14thC - one feels that she should be the patron saint of Clearing All The Clutter And Junk From The Church Boiler-Room (a sore point with our Churchwardens just now.....)!

Ian J.

I like the sound of her, too! To me, she sounds like a lady who likes to be naked, but I admire her anti-clutter side, as well.
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:
... I'm also rather a fan of this one, which tells you all you need to know about my sense of humour.

D. installed the organ in that church, with help from me and my dad. Well, if I'm being honest, they installed it, and I made the tea and pointed out that the reason they couldn't get one row of pipes to fit was because they were trying to put them on back-to-front. That church has now been closed and replaced with a brand-new one; the organ is in the house of a local toff and I think the building has been sold.

A late friend of ours in Northern Ireland used to refer to the church where he was organist (a shack that was "low" even by the standards of the Church of Ireland) as The Church of the Immaculate Paintwork. [Big Grin]

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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A church near here is The Church of the Abiding Savior. When a former incumbent had been there for what seemed a lifetime, the church was often referred to as The Church of the Abiding Pastor.

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28

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There's a church near me called St. Mel's. I had always assumed when I heard of it that "Mel" was a nickname for a longer name. But no, it really is St. Mel. Somehow I find that very amusing.

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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!

Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Timothy the Obscure

Mostly Friendly
# 292

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Is there a patron saint of sleep? I'd go to that church.

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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
  - C. P. Snow

Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemr:
There's a church near me called St. Mel's. I had always assumed when I heard of it that "Mel" was a nickname for a longer name. But no, it really is St. Mel. Somehow I find that very amusing.

St. Mel.

quote:
Originally posted by Timothy the Obscure:
Is there a patron saint of sleep? I'd go to that church.

St. Elijah -- and his Feast Day is tomorrow. I think we should all celebrate by sleeping in or having an afternoon nap.

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

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UKCanuck
Shipmate
# 10780

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Having been raised in a church where asking questions was ill advised unless one wanted to have, "That's the devil whispering in your ear!" shouted at them, I'd want to start a church where one was actively encouraged to ask questions. It would be called So? with church plants called Yeah, but... and No, but...

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"No, the Canadian flag does not look like a giant nosebleed, so put that thought out of your mind right now." - Will & Ian Ferguson

Posts: 148 | From: Cardiff, Wales | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

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quote:
Originally posted by UKCanuck:
Having been raised in a church where asking questions was ill advised unless one wanted to have, "That's the devil whispering in your ear!" shouted at them, I'd want to start a church where one was actively encouraged to ask questions. It would be called So? with church plants called Yeah, but... and No, but...

Could Doubting Thomas be their patron saint?

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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

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cattyish

Wuss in Boots
# 7829

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I go to the local Parish Church, which is called <Name of Village> Parish Church. Boring, but it doesn't date. We could probably call it "Church of the Fine Piece." which would make non Doric speakers confused but Doric speakers pleased to know what to expect with their tea after the service.

Cattyish, fond of a fine piece.

Fine pieces.

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...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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