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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Musical jokes
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
I didn't laugh; I guess the last two posts weren't funny!
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
...or maybe you didn't follow the links.
...or maybe you have a different sense of humor than some of us.
ETA: You really didn't laugh when Rob compared being a little kid hauling around a cello to being a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti? Yikes! Really different sense of humor.
[ 28. July 2014, 11:43: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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lily pad
Shipmate
# 11456
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Speaking of videos, ya gotta check out the "Pachebel Rant". (beware at work-a few mild cuss words thrown).
I died laughing at this. I used to play bassoon and could totally relate.
I once was playing for a high school musical of "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown" and in one whole song played just one quarter note after sixty four bars of rest. (I played it alone and into a full rest for the rest for everyone else, which was cool, but otherwise it was a long piece.) There was no bassoon part for this play - I was playing the cello part!
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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!
Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Lyda*Rose: Speaking of videos, ya gotta check out the "Pachebel Rant". (beware at work-a few mild cuss words thrown).
I like the way the same joke was done by the Australian group Axis of Awesome.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
I love it! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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jbohn
Shipmate
# 8753
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Posted
Did you hear about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
Took him 45 minutes and had to break the window to get the drummer out...
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How do you know the stage is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth...
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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard
Posts: 989 | From: East of Eden, west of St. Paul | Registered: Nov 2004
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Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
OK - can somebody make a joke about handbells, please? Is it possible? I can't stand them and I can't think of anything funny about them at all...
Somebody, somewhere, is on to me. I just received an e-mail from GIA Music headed, "Hymn Arrangements for Handbells".
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Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)
Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
Trombone: n - An ill wind that nobody blows good.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Figbash
The Doubtful Guest
# 9048
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Posted
Q: How many sopranos does it take to change a light-bulb?
A: As many as you like; it'll never get done, because they'll all stand around arguing about how Callas would have done it.
Posts: 1209 | From: Gashlycrumb | Registered: Feb 2005
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
Q. What does a Soprano do when she gets up in the morning?
A. Gets dressed and goes home.
[ 29. July 2014, 05:57: Message edited by: Spike ]
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Well, if we're on to videos now, how about this version of Carmina Burana?
(Warning to those at work: you may fall off your chair laughing - and it includes some inappropriate langugage)
[ 29. July 2014, 08:52: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
quote:
Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
OK - can somebody make a joke about handbells, please? Is it possible? I can't stand them and I can't think of anything funny about them at all. When archaeologists start digging them up a few centuries from now they'll be completely baffled. They probably won't even identify them as musical instruments.
I went to hear handbells recently.
I just wished they would pick one they liked, and answer the doorbell.
Thank God! I'm not the only person who can't stand the damn things!
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
>handbell director<
![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
You really didn't laugh when Rob compared being a little kid hauling around a cello to being a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti? Yikes! Really different sense of humor.
I made a post about this in the last 36 hours, but it must have disappeared into the ether; I did tell Z how funny the
Pachelbel was...
Couldn't be arsed to watch the other one: I didn't think it would appeal to me!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
same joke was done by the Australian group Axis of Awesome.
See my post on Youtube: the bloke what said the late Mr. Hendrix is shite is full of it and he's just defecating on Jimi's grave! What is he smoking? I don't want any of that!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
(I'm not sure what you're talking about. I don't think Hendrix is mentioned in the video I linked to. I like Hendrix ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif) )
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
His name was mentioned by someone who is very surly and likely a bigot who somehow was allowed to state his execrable opinion on Youtube. I responded to the little rat bastard there...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Enough of this tangent, thank you, Sir Kevin. If you want to rant, take it to Hell, otherwise keep the tone light on the Heaven board.
Ariel
Heaven Host.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Right then! Time for another joke! Who's got one then?
Mayhap a viola joke or one about some other musicians who aren't drummers or Sopranos as in our household....
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
'Mummy, Mummy, I want to be a drummer when I grow up.'
'But darling, you can't do both.'
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Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
True story: yesterday I was looking up the definition of "flout," which is "to show contempt for; scorn."
Then I looked at the derivation of the word: from Middle English flouten meaning "to play the flute."
There's a joke in there somewhere.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Panda
Shipmate
# 2951
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Posted
How do you make a trombonist's car go faster?
Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
Posts: 1637 | From: North Wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Quotesfile, methinks.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Time for another joke! Who's got one then?
Mayhap a viola joke ....
Your wish is granted:
Q. What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A. The viola burns longer.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
Trombone: n - An ill wind that nobody blows good.
That's also the classic conservatory def. for 'Oboe'
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You can't retire from a calling.
Posts: 1675 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006
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John Holding
Coffee and Cognac
# 158
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Posted
Among all the old chestnuts I offer:
Definition of a perfect second: two piccolos playing in unison.
John
Posts: 5929 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like "two skeletons making love on a tin roof".
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
I like that!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Brother Worm
Apprentice
# 8680
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Posted
“Wagner's music is better than it sounds.” (Edgar Wilson Nye)
“Wagner is a composer who has beautiful moments but awful quarter hours.” (Gioacchino Rossini)
I went to this Indian restaurant and this waiter came up to me and said, "Curry OK?"
"I might do some of that, after I've finished this."
Three cheers for rap music: Hip Hop Hooray!
For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.
Drum roll please.
I plug my guitar into all kinds of amplifiers. It's an eclectic guitar.
A dog sat watching the conductor of an orchestra.
He thought, “Just throw the flipping thing.”
Epitaph on the grave of a blues singer: “I didn’t wake up this morning …”
I’ve just bought myself a new alarm clock. I can set it to wake me up in the mornings by playing almost any tune or song I like. First time I used it I chose the hokey cokey song.
Big mistake! It took me half an hour to get out of bed.
“You put your right leg in, your right leg out, in, out, in, out, you shake it all about. You do the hokey cokey, and you turn around…”
Posts: 48 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2004
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Enoch
Shipmate
# 14322
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Brother Worm:
Epitaph on the grave of a blues singer: “I didn’t wake up this morning …”
That gets a
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Brexit wrexit - Sir Graham Watson
Posts: 7610 | From: Bristol UK(was European Green Capital 2015, now Ljubljana) | Registered: Nov 2008
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
Just off out to listen to jazz, so no better time for this old joke:
Q)What is Black and Brown and looks good on a saxophonist?
A)A Doberman
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
I tried to find this when ken was being memorialized but couldn't dig it out. It's not exactly a joke but it's definitely amusing: quote:
And why do foolish people say Bach is emotionless or mathematical? He's a screaming world of stuff compared to Mozart's mild-mannered slightly snooty uber-cool not-quite-frivolity.
Mozart's music so often says "aren't I clever? Isn't the Kaiser a nice bloke? Aren't we all rather clever together for liking Me? Would anyone like to commission a quartet? What are you doing after the party? Oh, no-one goes there anymore Darling! Yes, tedious, isn't it?"
On the other hand Bach's music typically says: "Glory to God in the Highest! And Peace to his people on Earth! And Worthy is the Lamb that was slain to receive glory and honour and power! And isn't creation wonderful! And there is all this stuff going on in my head! Talking of which I've been up all night and could do with a coffee. No, make that a beer. In fact I want a double coffee AND a pint of lager. And shoot that bloody piano player. AND WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO PAY ME YOU TIGHT SAXON BASTARDS????"
Trust me, its all in there somewhere. ~ken
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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ecumaniac
Ship's whipping girl
# 376
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like "two skeletons making love on a tin roof".
In a hailstorm
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it's a secret club for people with a knitting addiction, hiding under the cloak of BDSM - Catrine
Posts: 2901 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Jun 2001
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Sir Thomas Beecham described Sir John Barbirolli as "a sort of musical Malcolm Sargent"
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Metapelagius
Shipmate
# 9453
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Sir Thomas Beecham described Sir John Barbirolli as "a sort of musical Malcolm Sargent"
Not sure about 'Glorious John' but he is certainly supposed to have described Herbert von Karajan thus.
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Rec a archaw e nim naccer.
y rof a duv. dagnouet.
Am bo forth. y porth riet.
Crist ny buv e trist yth orsset.
Posts: 1032 | From: Hereabouts | Registered: May 2005
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Alex Cockell
Ship’s penguin
# 7487
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Posted
What use is a burning oboe?
Kindling for a bassoon fire.
Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
How about this for a musical joke:
Youtube
Cue UK shipmates of a certain age seeing horses.....
I'm definitely of A Certain Age - I didn't even need to click the link ... ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
TRIPE!
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Host Hat
quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
TRIPE!
Sir Kevin, I would like to think that remark means you recognise the skill with which Mozart is parodying a bad composer. But it sounds more like you being rude and dismissive of what other posters find amusing.
So which is it?
Firenze
/Host Hat
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
i guess it's the former, though I have been riding for over 50 years as well as riding well and I didn't hear any horses in the piece! Not a neigh, not a whinny....
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
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Posted
Aaaaah! Oh, I see...
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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
... doing our best Frank Muir imitations.
I have an organ transcription of the Danse des mirlitons which I sometimes wheel out for non-serious Christmas occasions.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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jbohn
Shipmate
# 8753
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Posted
How many lead vocalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one - he just holds it up, and the whole damned world revolves around him...
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What does a 12-string guitar sound like in tune?
No one knows...
[ 05. August 2014, 04:56: Message edited by: jbohn ]
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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard
Posts: 989 | From: East of Eden, west of St. Paul | Registered: Nov 2004
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