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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Musical jokes
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
No-one's yet mentioned the story about the rehearsal of Aida?
Sir Thomas Beecham was conducting. This was a large-scale version of the opera, with the Egyptian army being... um, armed... with elephants.
During the rehearsal, one of the elephants decided it needed to do a poo. A very large poo. On stage.
"No stage manners, ladies and gentleman", Beecham said to his human performers, "but what a critic!"
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
A quartet realise at rehearsal that they're missing their viola player. They ring around for a bit, and one of their friends tells them they saw him in his car driving in the direction of Beachy Head, so they all pile into a car and shoot off there as quickly as they can.
As they trudge up the hill, they see their errant violist, along with a huge pile of something-or-other which, as they get closer, they realise is a mound of tambourines. Getting closer still, they realise that he's frantically grabbing tambourines from the heap and flinging them off the cliff into the sea.
Just as they're reaching him, the viola player notices them approaching and looks relieved,
"Quick, help me, there isn't much time - we need to throw all these banjo eggs into the sea before they hatch".
[ 06. August 2014, 11:14: Message edited by: luvanddaisies ]
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
I'm glad Orfeo mentioned Sir Thomas Beecham - it gives me an excuse to tell a Beecham story that's always made me chuckle.
He was having a piano rehearsal with a particularly awkward and, shall we say, generously-proportioned soprano, who was becoming more and more histrionic. Eventually she expressed her frustration by sitting down heavily on the keyboard.
There was a long pause, and Beecham said, "Gad, three-and-a-half octaves!"
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
I've heard many Thomas Beecham stories, but not that one!!
There is a story told by the accompanist Gerald Moore about one of his colleagues, playing for a lieder singer who found it difficult to keep on pitch:
"Madam, I've played for you on the white notes and I've played for you on the black notes, but I cannot play for you in the cracks!"
[ 07. August 2014, 06:15: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
I got this Sir Thomas Beecham quote off WikiQuotes: quote:
"Here are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between."
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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georgiaboy
Shipmate
# 11294
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Posted
Not Beecham but Sir Alexander Gibson, in a dress rehearsal of the Nile Scene from 'Aida.'
Addressing the off-stage chorus of priests, 'Gentlemen, you are so behind the beat that you are still in the previous act.'
True story -- I was there and heard him.
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You can't retire from a calling.
Posts: 1675 | From: saint meinrad, IN | Registered: Apr 2006
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
A conductor friend used to say (of a piece we were having difficulty with): "We'll now go from the top - see you at the end".
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
piglet: A conductor friend used to say (of a piece we were having difficulty with): "We'll now go from the top - see you at the end".
I like it! I'll definitely use it the next time I'm conducting ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
My college music teacher told me about a conductor he'd encountered who would conduct 5/4 time like this:
1 (downswing of baton)
2 (swing right)
3 (swing left)
4 (swing right)
5 (swing left)
*upswing and intake of breath*
1 (downswing)...
...and so on
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
I got this Sir Thomas Beecham quote off WikiQuotes: quote:
"Here are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn’t give a damn what goes on in between."
A guy I used to know, who was a very good amateur violinist, wrote a humorous piece about amateur string quartets: "Meet You at the Fermata."
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
For some reason I scanned that the same way you would"Midnight at the Oasis."
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
Or Rush Limbaugh. Or Ann Coulter. Or Mitt Romney. Or...yeah, I'll stop now! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.
Posts: 3451 | From: Tacoma, WA USA | Registered: Aug 2007
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise.
As is Alex Salmond.
Or Rush Limbaugh. Or Ann Coulter. Or Mitt Romney. Or...yeah, I'll stop now!
It could have put any politician. I should have put something about Scotland in there. Then it would be perfect.
A bagpipe is a bag, filled with hot air, and making a droning noise. It is often heard in Scotland.
As is Alex Salmond.
Of course it is never the same a second time.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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