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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Archbishop decrees an end to eulogies
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Augustine the Aleut
Shipmate
# 1472
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Posted
Idle at my local coffeehouse while waiting for a fellow cortado-addict to arrive, I tallied up the denomination of Ottawa's dead in the obituaries and death notices columns-- while funerals were to be held in churches for the 12 RCs, 5 Anglicans, 3 UCC, and single Baptist, 28 were to be held in funeral homes, 11 in non-denominational settings, 13 were not clear (generally recreational centres or golf clubs) and 7 were not having any service or ceremony (the single Hindu and single Jew were going from their own religious facilities). In other words, just a quarter of reported Ottawavians were getting a church funeral.
In keeping with my general observation, only a small proportion of the Ontario population has any familiarity with church services and funerals and weddings may be their only experience. The younger they are, the more likely that this is so. As I noted above, I am torn on the Archbishop's ruling.
Certainly, an viciously unpastoral sermon would cause greater damage to everyone, including the church's evangelical mission, than any discourse on colostomy bags.
The family's acquaintance with what hymns are available will likely be minimal (possibly only Amazing Grace and none other), their knowledge of sermons might well be a mishmash of Elmer Gantry on a late old movies show and a rerun of the Simpsons, and they will be at a stage of great vulnerability; and, as most of us can testify, grief can manifest itself in some very negative ways. I like the practicality of many of the approaches outlined by some clerical posters.
As a totally tangential observation, I cannot forget the funeral of a local singer whose recessional was a beautifully played organ rendition, a la Tallis, of the Gilbert & Sullivan With Catlike Tread.
Posts: 6236 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: Oct 2001
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Oscar the Grouch
Adopted Cascadian
# 1916
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Posted
A lot of wise words here about eulogies and pit falls to avoid.
On the whole, a tribute by a friend or family member is the best, as long as it is done well. The best I ever had the privilege to witness was for a funeral of an old chap who had spent his life working as a carpenter and living in a grotty terrace house (council owned). But the tribute was given by a very posh bloke who was curator of a large museum. It turned out that the deceased had been employed many years before by the posh curator, to build a display cabinet. He had done such a good job and got on so well with the posh curator that they had become close friends and he had gone on to do all sorts of display cabinets for a number of museums in the region. On the one hand, there were all the deceased's drinking buddies, who simply knew him as "good old Fred". And on the other hand there were all these well educated museum bods who knew a completely different side to him.
One of the worst tributes was done by the secular officiant at the funeral of my sister-in-law. He said some very lovely things about her, but I know I was not the only one sitting there thinking "who was this paragon of virtue and what have they done with the Uber-Bitch?" And it was really REALLY annoying when he repeatedly avoided the word "cancer". She had CANCER. That's what killed her. We all knew it. She'd had it for years. Why be so shy about saying the word?
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Faradiu, dundeibáwa weyu lárigi weyu
Posts: 3871 | From: Gamma Quadrant, just to the left of Galifrey | Registered: Dec 2001
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Augustine the Aleut:
In keeping with my general observation, only a small proportion of the Ontario population has any familiarity with church services and funerals and weddings may be their only experience. The younger they are, the more likely that this is so. As I noted above, I am torn on the Archbishop's ruling....
As a totally tangential observation, I cannot forget the funeral of a local singer whose recessional was a beautifully played organ rendition, a la Tallis, of the Gilbert & Sullivan With Catlike Tread.
I recall talking to a priest who was present, not presiding at a Toronto author's Anglician funeral The funeral was apparently reviewed by several within earshot afterwards who noted the excess incense and the absence of a eulogy. I did enjoy his publisher's newspaper eulogy, taken from his last book, the final words: "This is the Great Theatre of Life. Admission is free but the taxation is mortal. You come when you can, and leave when you must. The show is continuous. Good-night."
(No, I didn't recall the words from memory, got them from here, which is a lovely webpage name after the final slash: eulogistic-tidbits-sha-na-na-na-sha-na-na-na-hey-hey-hey-goodby.)
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
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Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Adam.
Like as the
# 4991
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Augustine the Aleut:
while funerals were to be held in churches for the 12 RCs, 5 Anglicans, 3 UCC, and single Baptist, 28 were to be held in funeral homes, 11 in non-denominational settings, 13 were not clear (generally recreational centres or golf clubs) and 7 were not having any service or ceremony (the single Hindu and single Jew were going from their own religious facilities).
Unless things are different in Ottawa from Indiana (quite possible), I wouldn't assume that the funeral home services weren't church services. At my parish we probably do about 30-40% of our funerals at funeral homes. The newspaper obituary generally doesn't mention who's presiding or what rite is being used, just where it is.
[ 26. February 2014, 14:42: Message edited by: Hart ]
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Ave Crux, Spes Unica!
Preaching blog
Posts: 8164 | From: Notre Dame, IN | Registered: Sep 2003
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Augustine the Aleut
Shipmate
# 1472
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Posted
Hart's point is interesting and perhaps this is a case for research. My anecdotological input from funeral home services in my area is that perhaps a third or more of them feature a Presbyterian or UCC minister, lasting about 10-15 minutes, with 1-3 eulogies from friends and family for another 20 minutes of so-- only 2 or 3 times were they taken by an Anglican priest. I have only encountered hymns in smaller centres (Arnprior, Perth, Renfrew) but not Ottawa. We are cleared out within the hour. The other half-plus do not appear to have any clerical presence, although there is an MC to coordinate eulogies and readings-- few of these are scriptural-- and poems. They are identical with funeral or memorial services in recreational centres or country clubs. I would note that few of these eulogies have been problematic or offensive-- indeed the most appalling of the eulogies I have heard (as described earlier in this thread) were in churches.
I've attended about a half-dozen services in veterans' or military clubs; their variant has references to the deceased's military career and usually one or two of the hymns familiar to servicefolk (e.g. Abide with Me or Eternal Father)-- perhaps a third of them employ a retired padre. *tangent alert* I did once attend a most singular Red Army partisan funeral at the Montgomery Royal Canadian Legion hall in Ottawa's west end and, although the deceased had no religious practice and about half of the remaining vets were Jews, they ended it with Vechnaya Pamyat from the Orthodox funeral service. There were lots of eulogies-- all in Russian-- and tea and lots of vodka at the reception. I did not know the veteran but attended as the date of a grand-niece of the deceased as she wanted her parents to see that she met respectable people at the coffeehouse where she plied her barista avocation. In any case I enjoyed the snacks and had a lively chat about the siege of Leningrad and Pasternak's translations of Shakespeare.
A retired friend is part of a small group in Toronto who volunteer to attend funerals by arrangement with some funeral home directors when there are no other mourners. He is often asked by the funeral home to say something, so he uses parts of the BCP funeral rite. I know a retired UCC minister who does something similar in Ottawa-- no eulogies for either, although there is usually a brief paragraph or two when they are street people.
Posts: 6236 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: Oct 2001
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Fr Weber
Shipmate
# 13472
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet:
quote:
Originally posted by Augustine the Aleut:
In keeping with my general observation, only a small proportion of the Ontario population has any familiarity with church services and funerals and weddings may be their only experience. The younger they are, the more likely that this is so. As I noted above, I am torn on the Archbishop's ruling....
As a totally tangential observation, I cannot forget the funeral of a local singer whose recessional was a beautifully played organ rendition, a la Tallis, of the Gilbert & Sullivan With Catlike Tread.
I recall talking to a priest who was present, not presiding at a Toronto author's Anglician funeral The funeral was apparently reviewed by several within earshot afterwards who noted the excess incense and the absence of a eulogy. I did enjoy his publisher's newspaper eulogy, taken from his last book, the final words: "This is the Great Theatre of Life. Admission is free but the taxation is mortal. You come when you can, and leave when you must. The show is continuous. Good-night."
(No, I didn't recall the words from memory, got them from here, which is a lovely webpage name after the final slash: eulogistic-tidbits-sha-na-na-na-sha-na-na-na-hey-hey-hey-goodby.)
I know, without even visiting the linked site, that the author you refer to must be Robertson Davies!
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"The Eucharist is not a play, and you're not Jesus."
--Sr Theresa Koernke, IHM
Posts: 2512 | From: Oakland, CA | Registered: Feb 2008
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