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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heart-sinking words
cattyish

Wuss in Boots
# 7829

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Clinical governance. <shiver>

Cattyish, trying to be good and having to prove it.

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...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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"Let's pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance on this matter..." and THEN they trot out the engraved plaques that make it abundantly clear they had made the decision to "retire" your branch long beforehand, and the Spirit was being invoked solely as camouflage.

I call it blasphemy, myself.

So did Mr. Lamb, publicly and with the agreement of his colleagues, to the confusion of the blasphemer who had actually meant nothing but management-speak by what he said.

Awkward.

[ 20. October 2014, 19:53: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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Do you suppose that those speakers actually believe that that is what consultation means? Did they learn it while studying for their MBA or something? If it's that general... I thought they were just being bent, knowingly lying.

[ 20. October 2014, 20:04: Message edited by: Penny S ]

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Porridge
Shipmate
# 15405

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"At this point in time:" What's wrong with "now?"

"Mistakes were made:" And nobody but the innocent is ever going to pay for them.

The weather-people who talk about "rain events."

The salespeople who talk about the "shopping experience."

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Jonah the Whale

Ship's pet cetacean
# 1244

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"Advise" when used to mean "inform".

"We wish to advise you that the train will be late." Where's the advice in that? I can understand "we advise you to walk because the train will be late". I can't work out who uses it and why. Nobody I know uses it in conversation, it only seems to be in public announcements.

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Miss Madrigal
Shipmate
# 15528

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Webinar. Death by PowerPoint at a distance.

I would also make a case for my recent succession of job titles. What used to be a "system analyst who does tin and string on the side" has become "Strategy and Capability Architect". i can only write that down with my tongue in my cheek.

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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quote:
Originally posted by Porridge:

The weather-people who talk about "rain events."

Here in Southern California, any "rain event" is heralded by our intrepid newscasters (clad in serious weather gear as if heading out for war) as (large font all caps): STORM-POCALYPSE 2014!!!

Perhaps that's why we're in a drought-- no self-respecting "rain event" would come near the place.

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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" yeah. F-- off, you bunch of ingrates, enjoy the rest of your drought." ( cloud bank sulkily drifts north)

[ 21. October 2014, 00:24: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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RuthW

liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13

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The Mike Diamond plumber ads on the radio: "Why won't a plumber just tell me what it costs to unclog my drain over the phone?"

If they could unclog drains over the phone, they would have long since retired on the proceeds.

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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688

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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Brain Gym - you reminded me of INSET days.

Tangent/ I think you would enjoy Ben Goldacre’s thoughts on the subject /tangent

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Rent my holiday home in the South of France

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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768

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quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
Brain Gym - you reminded me of INSET days.

Tangent/ I think you would enjoy Ben Goldacre’s thoughts on the subject /tangent
tangent response - definitely - have communicated with him on the subject/tangent
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Athrawes
Ship's parrot
# 9594

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One of our oldest and most controversial Prime Ministers died today. He was a man of vision and immense wit, who made some serious mistakes and was dismissed from office. Tonight, the words, "Well may we say..." are heart sinking, because it means we are going to get yet another rehash of the 10 second sound bite from the dismissal. For some reason, the media think we need to hear it repeated ad nausium.

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Explaining why is going to need a moment, since along the way we must take in the Ancient Greeks, the study of birds, witchcraft, 19thC Vaudeville and the history of baseball. Michael Quinion.

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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128

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I heard another politician today saying that we need to £step up to the plate".

On the eastern side of the Atlantic: honestly! He'd obviously been bowled a googly and got caught on the back foot.

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Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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Any word or phrase which appears in this video.

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Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

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BTW I checked to see if anyone else had posted that video link; if anyone did and I missed it, sorry. It's so relevant to this discussion I thought someone probably had already thought of it.

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Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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I think the most heart-sinking words a man can ever hear are "We need to talk".

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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

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LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216

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"I really like you — as a friend."

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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I think the most heart-sinking words a man can ever hear are "We need to talk".

And some of the most heart-sinking, speaking as a woman though it is probably not confined to females, are "I'm not criticising you, but..." (Usually followed up with, "Why do you take things so personally?" [Roll Eyes] [Biased] )

I throw into the ring, "kingdom purposes." What the heck are they? [Confused]

Nen - loving this thread. [Big Grin]

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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From a senior executive to a group of employees:

"I'm sure you're all aware that..."

This is the stock introduction to layoffs.

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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The Phantom Flan Flinger
Shipmate
# 8891

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We have a staff opinion survey every year, participation in which is voluntary.

Where "voluntary" means "do it or else".

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http://www.faith-hope-and-confusion.com/

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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829

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We have a "Vision discussion" tomorrow night at ringing practice with the vicar. It makes my heart sink even further as I really need to be getting some practice in before a ringing course at the weekend... instead we're (hopefully, mind) giving the vicar a hard time about the crap that's been going down.

AG

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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869

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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829

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Oh yes, and "Enthusiastic" in job ads.

It's quite hard enough being enthusiastic about the process of trying to sell your soul to people who aren't interested in buying it, without having it rubbed in, thank you.

AG

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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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Ah, job ads. Particularly ones beginning 'You will be a -' (followed by list of Rottweiler-cum-spaniel attributes).
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Higgs Bosun
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# 16582

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quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:
Oh yes, and "Enthusiastic" in job ads.

I meet your "enthusiastic" and raise you "Passionate". And I call David Mitchell as a witness.
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Mili

Shipmate
# 3254

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Where do you see yourself in give years? Is another fun interview/performance evaluation question.
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
We have a staff opinion survey every year, participation in which is voluntary.

Where "voluntary" means "do it or else".

All staff in my department have been instructed to take a course in 'Harassment and Bullying Awareness'.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
Ah, job ads. Particularly ones beginning 'You will be a -' (followed by list of Rottweiler-cum-spaniel attributes).

I can translate those.

"You will be either a champion bullshitter or a sociopath. Ideally both."

Hope this helps.

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

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LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216

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quote:
Karl: Liberal Backslider: "You will be either a champion bullshitter or a sociopath. Ideally both."
When do you want me to start?

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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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leo
Shipmate
# 1458

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Do they still talk about 'blue skies thinking'?

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My Jewish-positive lectionary blog is at http://recognisingjewishrootsinthelectionary.wordpress.com/
My reviews at http://layreadersbookreviews.wordpress.com

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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128

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Only when there's an "elephant in the room".
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:

I throw into the ring, "kingdom purposes." What the heck are they? [Confused]

Especially lovely when tagged onto your job description, as is often the case for clergy... a long long string of bulleted job responsibilities covering everything from weekly preaching to taking out the trash, followed by: "anything else that furthers the cause of Christ..."

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427

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quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:

I throw into the ring, "kingdom purposes." What the heck are they? [Confused]

Especially lovely when tagged onto your job description, as is often the case for clergy... a long long string of bulleted job responsibilities covering everything from weekly preaching to taking out the trash, followed by: "anything else that furthers the cause of Christ..."
So kingdom purposes are those which further the cause of Christ. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:

I throw into the ring, "kingdom purposes." What the heck are they? [Confused]

Especially lovely when tagged onto your job description, as is often the case for clergy... a long long string of bulleted job responsibilities covering everything from weekly preaching to taking out the trash, followed by: "anything else that furthers the cause of Christ..."
So kingdom purposes are those which further the cause of Christ. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
aka anything (hopefully) short of petty larceny that we decide to ask you to do for any reason whatsoever...

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Starbug
Shipmate
# 15917

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The 'kingdom purposes' sound very similar to this phrase: 'And any other duties commensurate with the grading of your post'. Any tasks that should be paid at a higher grade are a 'training opportunity' and, as such, don't incur any increase in salary.

[ 22. October 2014, 17:35: Message edited by: Starbug ]

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“Oh the pointing again. They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?” ― The Day of the Doctor

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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176

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The oh-so-Southern "I don't mean to be ugly but..." It is always followed by a horrible, mean-spirited comment.

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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs

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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338

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or the ever-popular "we just really need to pray for our sister..." followed by a really juicy bit of gossip/ venting/ backstabbing...

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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner

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Carex
Shipmate
# 9643

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Unfortunately I have a training next week for one of our management initiatives that will be dripping with such vocabulary, followed by a project where we recommend improvements to a process that we don't understand or know anything about.

Our group recently received such a list to implement. WTF???

This is one of three various "improvement processes" that have infected our facility at the moment. One has a logo showing a hammer and a pile of nails. Every time I walk by a poster I wonder if my Photoshop skills are sufficient to replace the nails with a pile of wood screws, which would be a more accurate assessment of its application.

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Ariel
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# 58

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"It has been extremely difficult to shortlist candidates from such a talented pool of applicants..."

"We've run out of wine."

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

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quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:

"We've run out of wine."

That intense guy in the corner -

Yeah. I don't like to ask.

There's his mum. Have a word with her.

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Piglet
Islander
# 11803

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
...All staff in my department have been instructed to take a course in 'Harassment and Bullying Awareness'.

We had to do a 'sexual harassment awareness" course and one of my colleagues (a gentleman) wanted to know if it would teach him how to tell if he was getting enough ... [Big Grin]

It was rather a long time ago, possibly not long after the term had been invented.

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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music

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The5thMary
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# 12953

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Someone once scolded the word "utilize" out of me.

"Use." The word is "use."

And for some reason the kids are starting to throw around the word "conversate," which just makes me want to brain myself.

That IS bad. Try living in the American South where a certain segment of society uses the made up word for a funeral: funeralize. Every time I hear this "word" I want to throttle the speaker. "Joe Bob Billy Ray is being funeralized down at Lloyd's Funeral Home on Wednesday". Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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The5thMary
Shipmate
# 12953

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quote:
Originally posted by BessLane:
The oh-so-Southern "I don't mean to be ugly but..." It is always followed by a horrible, mean-spirited comment.

Or the even worse one: "I'm a Christian but..." meaning you're exactly the opposite. That goes hand in hand with another oldie: "I'm not racist, but..."

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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"Kingdom purposes" means "Knows how to talk in evangelicalise" and use all of the current "hot" words.

Implies "has not idea how to talk in actual English".

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lord Jestocost
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# 12909

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quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
Or the even worse one: "I'm a Christian but..." meaning you're exactly the opposite. That goes hand in hand with another oldie: "I'm not racist, but..."

Reminding me of an old "Alas Smith & Jones" (I think) gag:

"I'm not a racist, but I do believe that blacks and whites can best maintain their own cultural identities in isolation."

"I'm not a sexist, but I do believe that men and women are best suited to different occupations."

"I'm not a chiropodist, but I do make my living looking after people's feet."

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Sioni Sais
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# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
Try living in the American South where a certain segment of society uses the made up word for a funeral: funeralize. Every time I hear this "word" I want to throttle the speaker. "Joe Bob Billy Ray is being funeralized down at Lloyd's Funeral Home on Wednesday". Aaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Shouldn't that be a funeralization home then?

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Brenda Clough
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# 18061

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Heard one today, a Facebook query from a friend: Does anyone have a wet-dry vacuum cleaner I could borrow?

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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

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quote:
Originally posted by The5thMary:
quote:
Originally posted by BessLane:
The oh-so-Southern "I don't mean to be ugly but..." It is always followed by a horrible, mean-spirited comment.

Or the even worse one: "I'm a Christian but..." meaning you're exactly the opposite. That goes hand in hand with another oldie: "I'm not racist, but..."
Interesting. IME, "I'm not a racist but..." means "I am a complete and utter racist and...", but "I'm a Christian but..." is much more positive and means "I'm not a creationist, homophobe or misogynist."

"Speaking as a Christian..." is generally far more ominous, because it's likely to be followed by something like "it's about time we got back to God's Laws in this country and banned [insert Dead Horse here]"

[ 23. October 2014, 14:30: Message edited by: Karl: Liberal Backslider ]

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Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Carex
Shipmate
# 9643

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Unfortunately I have a training next week for one of our management initiatives that will be dripping with such vocabulary, followed by a project where we recommend improvements to a process that we don't understand or know anything about.

Our group recently received such a list to implement. WTF???

This is one of three various "improvement processes" that have infected our facility at the moment. One has a logo showing a hammer and a pile of nails. Every time I walk by a poster I wonder if my Photoshop skills are sufficient to replace the nails with a pile of wood screws, which would be a more accurate assessment of its application.

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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772

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There is a useful rule of thumb that the word "frankly" will be followed by a lie. At the very least, it warns you that honesty is not the default mode for the speaker.

"Just Saying" following some insult as a free pass without retaliation.

Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011  |  IP: Logged
Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
"Speaking as a Christian..." is generally far more ominous, because it's likely to be followed by something like "it's about time we got back to God's Laws in this country and banned [insert Dead Horse here]"

Sorry but my brain automatically looks for the absurd in such situations so how about:

quote:
Speaking as a Christian its about time we got back to God's Laws in this country and banned bitching about church music
Jengie

[ 26. October 2014, 08:52: Message edited by: Jengie jon ]

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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

Back to my blog

Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged



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