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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Help! I've got a teenager!
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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
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Posted
... my eldest ceases to be a teenager a week on Thursday, and d'you know, I suspect the problems will not end at midnight.
I have another kid who didn't work particularly hard because she hated everything about school and got ok grades and isn't doing anything right now, and sadly, I don't even have the compensation that she's brilliant. I mean, she might be, but it's certainly not an assertion I can bandy about.
The job scene is dead, of course - it's hard to insist she finds work when there isn't any. And she absolutely won't volunteer anywhere. How long do I let that go on..?
I wish I could sum up some 'funny things they say' but I'm currently having a sense of humour failure.
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Get them to do something like this, or this, or this, or this, or this volunteer to get gig tickets thing.
Any costs they have to earn themselves, if you can afford it - match what they raise themselves. There are, currently, literally thousands of vacancies in catering and hospitality.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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TallPoppy
Shipmate
# 16294
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Posted
I have found 'getting' a teenager to do something to be impossible. Either they want to do it, or they don't. The motivation has to come from them.
Not trying to be defeatist, but I think the problem is a somewhat intractable one. I had hoped that my son would do something over the summer holidays in between A2 and AS levels, but he didn't even look for a voluntary job!
I do voluntary work and I love it...
TP
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Papaver exaltatum
"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain"
Posts: 2389 | From: Southern England | Registered: Mar 2011
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
You could point out that they are not in education any more and that means no child benefit, no parental tax breaks, additional people charges on the council tax over and above the food and other bills, and they need to pay rent - sign on or find a bar job, but you want some income. (Not that I'm winning that one)
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
I think orange rock corps is potentially quite motivating - you do get to go to gigs after all. Presumably they'd have no other income to pay for things like that at the moment.
[ 18. September 2011, 20:41: Message edited by: Think² ]
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
You could point out that they are not in education any more and that means no child benefit, no parental tax breaks, additional people charges on the council tax over and above the food and other bills, and they need to pay rent - sign on or find a bar job, but you want some income. (Not that I'm winning that one)
Yes, I am getting 6 hours a week housework out of her... just... in lieu of £30 a week rent. Well, it worked for the first two weeks, anyway.
What's the thing about council tax?? The 'more than two adults' charge went a long time ago... didn't it?
BTW, TallPoppy, you're so right.
I did try to get her to do the Prince's trust thing but I wasn't quick enough to offer to pay for her travel, so she turned down the place.
I'll have a look at the gigs thing and make it sound as if it's the sort of thing I'd rather she didn't do...
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
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TallPoppy
Shipmate
# 16294
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Posted
I reckon you've done well to get the quota of hours of housework implemented!
BTW, this website is very good for volunteering opportunities:
http://www.do-it.org.uk/
TP
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Papaver exaltatum
"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain"
Posts: 2389 | From: Southern England | Registered: Mar 2011
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Does anyone else have a ten who doesn't seem to quite grasp the close relationship between cause and effect? Mine seems to think that the amount of time he has in the morning betwen getting up and catching the school bus is determined by random fate. Will he have time to have breakfast / comb his hair / remember his homework? Who knows how capricious fate might have tossed the dice which determine this? If it turns out he has no time to do anything, well, he bears it stoically, but doesn't seem to see that he has it in his power to GET UP ON TIME. Preferably before his mother is yelling for the third or fourth time that he has to GET UP NOW!!!
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
Indeed, walking to school on a brisk autumnal morning and explaining tardiness to school staff who've all heard better excuses might be salutary. As I see it, he depends on you to yell at him three times.
Don't. Let him suffer the consequences.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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mrs whibley
Shipmate
# 4798
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Posted
NEQ
You have my sympathies - the female stepwhiblet took many years to grasp the correlation between the time she went to bed and the ease of getting up the next morning/tiredness felt the next day.
Maybe this is something to be borne on a school day, but a lesson to be taught when there is something to be got up for that the teen wants to do at a weekend?
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I long for a faith that is gloriously treacherous - Mike Yaconelli
Posts: 942 | From: North Lincolnshire | Registered: Aug 2003
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
... the amount of time he has in the morning betwen getting up and catching the school bus is determined by random fate. Will he have time to have breakfast / comb his hair / remember his homework? Who knows how capricious fate might have tossed the dice which determine this?
That's not being ten, that's being human. Surely everyone knows that your brain works at variable speed while waking up, so there is no consistent subjective perception of the passage of time, and so can be no possible accurate planning of activities within limited time? It just doesn't work!
One morning you are sitting around bored for hours waiting for something to happen, the next you find that going to the toilet and putting your shoes on takes up all the available time and you are late! There is no way to plan for this or prevent it, you just have to work round it.
My brain doesn't usually catch up with the passage of time until about 11am or the second cup or tea, whichever is later. If I get to work unusually early - as I have to some times to do unspeakable things to computers before most of the staff and students get in - I don't usually get more work done that morning. Just being physically present in the office doesn't increase the amount of usable time you actually get to do stuff in between 7am and 11am. It varies randomly between about ten minutes and three hours.
Though some days, like today are worse. I don't think I caught up with the clock till about 5pm. Which is probably why I'm still at work.
This is of course NOTHING AT ALL TO DO with having stayed up to about 6am this morning reading online comics from the 1970s and 1980s. Though even then time is flexible because I managed to read about the same number of pages in the two hours after about 2am that I would normally read in five or ten minutes.
But being ten years old is irrelevant. Time is flexible. Especially in mornings. Even when you are over fifty.
(And as loads of people have said on the thread on evening services, going to bed earlier does NOT help in the long run. Or even the medium run. It can get you an extra morning or even two - who could ever catch a plane if it didn't - but then it wears off and you are in a worse state than before)
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Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
There was a typo in my post - should have said "teen" not "ten"
School is a bus-ride away; four miles so he could walk or cycle, but it's along a busy road with no footpaths or pavements, and involves passing a wee shrine where a young driver failed to take the corner about 3 or 4 years ago.
He's actually pretty good at catching the bus; my major peeve is that he often misses breakfast / leaves the house dishevelled etc. I suspect that he's less alert at school on breakfastless mornings.
Mrs Whibley - mostly what said teen wants to do at the weekend is to have a lie in.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Is it worth just giving him a breakfast bar and a banana to eat on the bus ?
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
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Posted
What assumes me ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) is how I have to adjust my own stance to time depending on which child I'm talking to. Each will interpret the phrase '10 o clock' according to their own relationship with the fourth dimension, and will be, variably, still eating breakfast, upstairs applying makeup, reading a book or standing with one hand on the door handle saying, 'I'll wait in the car, shall I?'
I always thought that last one was a total boon til I saw the psychic fall-out this year.
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
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Posted
Well, I had a blazing row with the Girl over her homework this evening. The teacher who had set the task had used the wrong value of g for the Moon's gravity. The Girl wanted to use the value as written. I told her (nay, insisted) it was an affront to Science! to use anything but the right one.
We did make up later. I have no idea if she's changed it or not. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
But what do you do if you know more than the Science teacher about science? (or for that matter, the English teacher, the Geography teacher and possibly the Maths teacher too) Do you suck it up or correct them?
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Forward the New Republic
Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
I make sure my child has the correct information. I then send a note back with the homework explaining what happened so my child isn't penalized for it. so far, so good.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
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Posted
That's... actually very sensible. I'm kind of assuming you don't start your notes "Dear Mr/Mrs Wronghead..."
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Forward the New Republic
Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
Act now, before your teenager turns 41!
Actually a word of encouragement. This too will pass just like sleeping through the night, weaning, toilet training etc. I've been through it, three sons, wild behaviour, in bed all day, hard to wake up, why listen, no study and the rest. Those going through this have my sympathies.
It was totally exasperating at the time, particularly as there is a gap of only 15 months between the oldest and second son. Now they are amazing, supportive, helpful, successful in all sorts of ways and generally really great people.
Remember, we all make choices and live with the consequences.
[ 20. September 2011, 23:52: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
That's... actually very sensible. I'm kind of assuming you don't start your notes "Dear Mr/Mrs Wronghead..."
well, perhaps in the initial draft, but it gets edited out!
It's usually something along the lines of "Chasee came home with some erroneous information regarding X. as I'm sure neither of us would like chasee to operate with the wrong information, I corrected him, and his homework reflects that. if you have any questions or concerns please feel free to call me..."
it's gentle enough but often spurs them to double check their info.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I've been using it as training material on How to Handle People in Authority Courteously Even When They're as Wrong as a Wrong Thing that Is Mistaken.
Which happens all the time. Being an English PhD of a non-prescriptivist bent does not make for agreement with third grade teachers most of the time. Not to mention the freaking textbooks.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Been there with a primary school teacher who assured me that facts weren't relevent to primary school history (shudder!) that the whole point of history was just to give the general impression that things were different in the past (shudder!!) and any old garbage was good enough, so long as the "history" taught made for a nice story...
I was so glad when that year was over.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
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Posted
Yes!! When I pointed out that the event in question happened 3 years after the other event in question, not 3 months as was being taught, the teacher assured me that the point of the exercise was to show that the two events happened in isolation (ie, not the second as the result of the first) so children (year 9, kids of 13) couldn't be expected to believe that information travelled that slowly in those days.
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Well neither of those teachers would have been given a star for good work as far as I an concerned.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
It's a sign of the times. The movie version of history. Cf The King's Speech
good movie, but the timelines irritated the heck out of me.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Persephone Hazard
Ship's Wench
# 4648
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
he has it in his power to GET UP ON TIME.
I was going to post a long rant on this, but then ken came along and did it much better than I would have done. I suspect it might be genetic.
Either way, I hope for your son's sake that he does have it in his power to get up on time. I worry sometimes that I don't and it causes a great deal of panic.
On Friday, I need to get a train at noon. It will take me 45 minutes to reach the station the train leaves from. To be absolutely safe I will be getting up at 0830. To enable me to do this I will be setting four alarms, one of which is a Teasmaid and therefore provides immediate tea. I will also quite possibly be asking an early-rising friend to ring me to check that I am awake. All this week I have been staggering my getting-up-time, working back an hour or 30 mins a morning, so that I'm all set for Friday's early rise.
I am absolutely petrified that I will sleep soundly through all the alarms and wake up at eleven with a mug of cold tea by the bed. There is precedent. I actually feel sick thinking about it.
And yes, when I was fifteen my mother had a similar rant about how stressful it was getting me out of bed in time for school in the morning ![[Biased]](wink.gif) (And oh! seven kinds of hell there were the time I accidentally overslept by enough to miss the start of a GCSE exam! I got an A* in that subject in the end.)
[ 21. September 2011, 21:15: Message edited by: Persephone Hazard ]
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but it's a lot easier to make up a thousand words than one decent picture. - ken.
Posts: 1645 | From: London | Registered: Jun 2003
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
I always found that letting a dog into the room hastened a teenagers departure from the warm and cosy bed.
A toddler has the same effect.
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
I heard of a mother who kept marbles in the freezer. When her son was extremely reluctant to get up, she would dump the marbles in his bed.
It got to the point when the mention of marbles was enough to get him up.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
If you're not out in 2 minutes, it'll be marbles, m'boy
My mother had the same routine. She used ice cubes, and if the case were particularly stubborn, she dumped a few down the front of pyjama pants.
As for my sister? I was woken first and told to get going. As soon as I started brushing my teeth there was a pounding on the bathroom door. It got to the point where I just ran the water and waited 30 seconds.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
hmmmm
happy days
![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
however, the youngest is today off to view student accomodation, with a view to moving in as soon as poss. just as well as the course has already started and the commute is not all it's cracked up to be
mind you, said child hasn't been living at home for nearly two years
* so whyyyyyyyyyyy is the stuff still here?
* at what stage is stuff finally evicted from parental home?
* and should I be expecting relief that this stage has been reached ( parenting since 1980) or am i likely to start inexplicable behaviours?
off to view prospective pad......
[ 24. September 2011, 10:55: Message edited by: Ethne Alba ]
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ethne Alba:
mind you, said child hasn't been living at home for nearly two years
* so whyyyyyyyyyyy is the stuff still here?
* at what stage is stuff finally evicted from parental home?
When the parents move out of that home.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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TallPoppy
Shipmate
# 16294
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Posted
When we move out, my (now) teen plans to move in and take over!!
TP
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Papaver exaltatum
"Love comforteth like sunshine after rain"
Posts: 2389 | From: Southern England | Registered: Mar 2011
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
You speak the truth, Moo. My mother moved to an apartment 11 years after the last of us moved out. One of the last times that we siblings were all together is when she called us to take anything we had left, or it would be junked.
Mother's A1 Free Storage had closed.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
I cleared the last of my junk out after Mum died, about 4 years ago. I figure clearing the house when Dad goes will be a big enough job without any extras.
I think there is still a spare pair of shoes there so I can escape to the bush when visiting.
Huia
[ 24. September 2011, 13:08: Message edited by: Huia ]
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
Once you move into a condo, the rules become simple: for everything you buy, dispose of something.
Buy a new shirt today? Donate one to charity.
Buy yet another book lately? Hide one in the church's library.
When my youngest son was at college, it took a full van to move him there to start the term, and the van just as full on the drive back at term's end.
Of course, it wasn't the same stuff that he returned home with, but it did fill the van.
So he understood the "one in / one out" rule long before I did.
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Josephine
Orthodox Belle
# 3899
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Posted
How do other parents decide how involved to be in making sure their teens get their homework done? Is it the teen's problem and not yours? Do you enforce a homework time? Check homework for completeness and/or accuracy? Something in between? Something else?
Littlest One is not so little any more -- he's 16, in 11th grade. Because of his neurodevelopmental glitches, I've been more involved in his schoolwork than is typical, and more than I was with his older siblings. I had to be.
And I'm trying to figure out whether it's time to back off now, and let him ask for help if he needs it, and otherwise let him succeed or flounder or fail on his own. Or whether he still needs more support than a typical kid his age needs. Or whether it matters whether he needs the support, because he really doesn't want it any more.
I'm inclined to think that backing off is the right thing to do. But then I get the automated email from the school showing that he failed to turn in a couple of assignments, and I find myself jumping back in, and he gets ill-tempered about it, because he really wants me to leave him alone about it.
And then I wonder if I'm backing off because it's time to back off (which would be a good thing to do -- an over-involved parent is bad for a kid), or whether I'm backing off because I dislike getting into hissing matches with a teenager (which would be a bad thing to do -- it's a parents job to enforce the rules, even when the teenager pitches a fit about it).
And why doesn't it get easier to get a kid through their teens? It's not like we haven't done this before. You'd think we'd know how to handle it by now!
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I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!
Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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harmony hope
Shipmate
# 4070
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Posted
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif) If only there was an easy-to-decide-on answer... I often ask myself more or less the same question. I do know one thing though - you are undoubtedly a brilliant mother just for asking yourself those questions! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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'God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference.'
Posts: 645 | From: gentle rolling Oxfordshire countryside | Registered: Feb 2003
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Here's my teenage son; the one I've sought advice about re his lack of enthusiasm for mornings, lack of enthusiasm for revision, etc.
Here is the thing he is enthusiastic about; creative writing, in this instance the script for the clip in my sig. He's the long-haired one in the armchair.
My baby.... ![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Japes
Shipmate
# 5358
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Posted
North East Quine, that's fabulous!
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Blog may or may not be of any interest.
Posts: 2013 | From: Somewhere in the middle | Registered: Dec 2003
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Yes, brilliant!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
NEQ - I love it. And it's stricken terror into the heart of MY teen
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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Gramps49
Shipmate
# 16378
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Posted
Wife and I survived four teens. Basically we let them face the natural consequences of their choices. We started that early on. When daughter was late getting up for school one day, I took her there in her pjs. Did not happen again. When son got in trouble with law, he had to pay the fines and did the community service. Had little problem with second son and third son, but what we did was to encourage them to follow their dreams.
Daughter is now 33 with a daughter of her own. Granddaughter very much like her mother.
Son has two daughters, one with ADHD (mild). It is amazing to see how he had become a great father in his own right.
Second son is starting on a career path of his own making. Should do well.
Third son is still in college, but is a leader of his peers.
Sort of burying them when they turn 13 and not digging them up until they turn 21, my advice is to allow them to experience the natural consequences of their decisions and encourage them to pursue their own interests.
Posts: 2193 | From: Pullman WA | Registered: Apr 2011
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
quote:
Originally posted by Ethne Alba:
mind you, said child hasn't been living at home for nearly two years
* so whyyyyyyyyyyy is the stuff still here?
* at what stage is stuff finally evicted from parental home?
When the parents move out of that home.
Moo
Absolutely true!
I spent periodic weekend days helping a friend get her stuff packed and out of the parental home when they downsized to retirement living. This went on for over a year.
The male parental unit finally had it -he wants to lease out the place- and served her with an eviction notice. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
So she moved her tail and her stuff in a Uhaul truck to three spaces in a local self storage. She put the last three, leftover, nasty foot lockers in the backseat of my car. Which might need detailing now. She couldn't understand why I blew a fuse. "Don't take it out on me!" Grrr! ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
She's my age- mid-fifties.
She told me that she'd take me out for dinner and a movie in thanks for the help. But she wanted me to help her move a small chest of drawers out of her dwelling to storage.
I very, very carefully told her that I was wrung out on moving stuff for a while. "So the bottom line is you don't want to do it?" Uh, that would be correct.
We went out to dinner, but I had to pay for my own movie ticket because she had gotten into a minor fender-bender on which she had to cover the deductible. Oh. And also she had to cover the cost of a Thanksgiving trip to the Grand Canyon (she certainly wasn't going to spend it with her parents and her abusive brother!), a new pair of hiking boots, and a day pack (which I offered to loan her, but no, she needed a new one of her own).
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Don't let this happen to you. File the eviction papers before they turn thirty.
So how long does adolescence last again? As Wodders' sig says, "Childhood may be brief but immaturity can last a lifetime." I'm pretty immature myself, but looking at my friend sometimes, makes me feel a little better.
Luckily, she is a good companion with whom to go to museums and plays and concerts. And in some ways I'm not a prize myself.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Sorry to everyone for hogging space on a perfectly useful advice thread. It's the adolescent in me.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
file under: life lessons for the teenager set -
I let my daughter borrow the car to go to wasilla today. she took it last night. we live 3/4 of a mile from the bus stop. this morning, the 10 year old was exhausted (my birthday party last night was epic for someone as wee as he is) so I decided to let him sleep. Talked to the teen; he wanted to go to school ('cause, see, The Girl will be there) so I helped rattle his cage, made sure he had his jacket and a flashlight. mentioned the time to him a few times ("remember it takes ten minutes at a fast clip!").
He called me from down the road saying he'd rounded the corner to see the bus pulling away. asked me to call his sister and demand a ride for him. I sent her a text; but it would be over 20 miles out of her way and she didn't have time. oh well.
Guess you missed school, buddy. (it's 14 miles away. helluva walk in the dark)
oh crisis! somebody give me a ride! I'll fail school for sure!
oh please.
part of me wanted to scramble to find him a ride, but the part that won says that missing the day is healthy. it's one of those consequences things. so he's moping, but it's all good. and he hasn't once tried to pass the blame onto anyone else, so we've got some progress, here.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
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Posted
Hi.
Happy new year to you all.
I'm posting here rather than on the general parent help cos I don't want it up there on page one for evermore...
I have a dilemma regarding space allocation.
I have 4 kids aged 20, 18, 14 and 12. We moved into a 3 bed house 5 years ago and built into the loft straightaway, to provide D1 and D2 with own rooms. S1 and S2 share, OH and I share. When D1 moved out to go to university last September, the others moved around to have a room each. By Feb this year, she was ill and home again. Siblings moved back without fuss. We have just had an extension built so that we now have a good sized kitchen/diner/living area, with the idea that OH and I will make the (small) living room our bedroom for a year or so, til someone moves out, so the boys can have a room each. The unspoken plan was that boys would go upstairs to loft rooms, girls would move downstairs into slightly bigger rooms. Yesterday I realised that it would be a lot less hassle to simply move one boy across to our room and leave the rest alone.
D2 goes ballistic. It's not fair, apparently. Despite doing a token amount of housework as rent, despite being out 4 nights out of 7.
Despite the fact that being on a floor of their own gives them a lot of privacy and autonomy, with a shower room pretty much to themselves, and the logic of not being in the middle of the house.
I don't know if I'm being fair, being nasty or being a wimp. Instant reaction, anyone?
ETA: the original '3rd bedroom' was so small it got lost as a wide place in the hall.
[ 31. December 2011, 16:07: Message edited by: Taliesin ]
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
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birdsoftheair
Shipmate
# 15219
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Posted
hmmm, I wonder if all the fuss is due to it being your room rather than actual logical objections, ie son is being favoured by this, rather than it being practical. Sounds a lot like our house where we only have 2 to worry about.It still seems to be a competition as to how much each one gets etc.I just get sick of it.
Maybe a group meeting to discuss it?
Or just say decision is made and cover your ears (sounds a lot like my DD)
Birds
Posts: 1069 | From: under 180 degrees of sky | Registered: Oct 2009
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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
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Posted
It's because she (D2) was looking forward to moving back down to the biggest room in the house, and she did only get a 5 month stint in it previously. If she was 15, it would be a much more rational arguement, but chances are she'll have moved out in 6 months - she often talks about getting a flat as soon as she has a job. Maybe it's a non-problem, and as you say I should lay down the law and cover my ears.
[ 31. December 2011, 18:41: Message edited by: Taliesin ]
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
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Ann
Curious
# 94
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Posted
Friends of ours used to swap round every six months - each had a turn in the single and really too small bedroom and the double and spread out bedroom.
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Ann
Posts: 3271 | From: IO 91 PI | Registered: May 2001
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