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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: TICTH
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anoesis
Shipmate
# 14189
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Posted
...aaaand we rounded out the day thusly: I am grinding up the cat's evening pills when I hear panicked shrieking of Mumeeeee!! Mumeeee!! from the bathroom, and I rush through there to find a three-year old*...holding a poo in his hand, with the clear expectation that I am going to do.something.with.it.
*Three, for fuck's sake! And as with the other one, the only one left of his peer group not to have achieved anything resembling continence...
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The history of humanity give one little hope that strength left to its own devices won't be abused. Indeed, it gives one little ground to think that strength would continue to exist if it were not abused. -- Dafyd --
Posts: 993 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2008
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
TICTH the cold equations of living expenses that make it impossible for my lover and dear friend to continue to live in this state anymore and thus causing the end of our physical relationship.
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
My right lung, which has been hoarding mucus like a kid hoards jellybeans for nearly two freaking months.
Expelloramus, for fuck's sake!
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
today I consign to the absolutely lowest possible depths of hell (and then the sub basement) the computer "system" belonging to a certain international car rental company who shall remain nameless but their true name is The Suckiest Sucktastic Suckfest Car Rental Company.
Inc.
handing out shiny new cars to people is a very small part of my job. an afterthought, even. YET! I'm getting a weirdass case of PTSD, where whenever someone walks up and says the word "car" I get the shakes and begin uncontrollably weeping and looking for the exits.
should be simple. you want a car? check. you got a license? check. you want extra insurance? check. Got money? check. here's the keys and GTF outta here, youcrazykids.
but NOOOOOOOO we have to use a computer system created in 1984 by the demented lovechild of an engineer and an automated phone system.
"fill in all the fields correctly and perfectly or I will freeze up and require you to call fucking Nashville or whatever and wait on hold for a year to get some loser to walk you through a reboot. but this will only happen if your customers are 12 deep and in a fucking rush! MWAHAHA! and that field that requires you to list the RZ/CA/I5/FU fields? (and of course you know what the fuck that is!) if you don't fill in the random arbitrary combinations of numbers and letters absolutely perfectly, I will blow liquid dog shit right out of my printer onto your crotch and make you start all over again! Oh hey, is that an international driver's license you just entered? HAHA! FUCK YOU!"
I love my job. I love my co-workers. even, a good 30% of the time, I love the fucking tourists who spend obscene amounts of money to visit our rain and mosquitos. But this goddamn computer system has had me one step from quitting about 5 times today, and It's not even a futhermucking cruise ship day! so TOMORROW when we get our weekly visit from another whole fucking city I'll get to do it all again, only faster and with three times the anal dickhead factor. fucking WHEE!
to top it all off, my car, which is like pimping out supermodels all day only to go home to jabba the hut, decided to die on me when I finally was able to make my escape.
dear technology: KISS MY ASS!
[ 09. September 2014, 22:42: Message edited by: comet ]
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
PS: if it wasn't for Hell I'd be in prison by now.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
I'm cool I'm a "preferred customer". That means I get to fill in your dumb ass form for you.
BTW awesome rant, your boyfriend must be a quivering wreck.
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by anoesis:
...aaaand we rounded out the day thusly: I am grinding up the cat's evening pills when I hear panicked shrieking of Mumeeeee!! Mumeeee!! from the bathroom, and I rush through there to find a three-year old*...holding a poo in his hand, with the clear expectation that I am going to do.something.with.it.
*Three, for fuck's sake! And as with the other one, the only one left of his peer group not to have achieved anything resembling continence...
Did he give his poo a name? Like, Winnie?
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
I'm cool I'm a "preferred customer". That means I get to fill in your dumb ass form for you.
It's like the US State Department's "Most Favoured Nation" status. Last time I looked the only countries lacking this designation were North Korea and Iran.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
TICTH the money-changing machines in the laundromat.
I had four crisp one-dollar bills and one limp five-dollar bill. The machine accepted one of my ones, and rejected everything else. I finally went to a nearby store and asked if they could give me some quarters. They only had four, which they gave me in exchange for one of my ones. They also exchanged my battered five-dollar bill for a crisp new one.
I tried several more times, and the machine wasn't having any. Finally I turned the fiver over and fed it in face-down. It worked.
The moral appears to be, 'Ignore all instructions.'
I was trying to get a lot done today, and I didn't need that hassle.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
BTW awesome rant, your boyfriend must be a quivering wreck.
I try to balance out the evil by being amazing in bed.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Doc Tor
Deepest Red
# 9748
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Posted
TICTH Lloyds Bank. This is the third time I've filled out this form now, with exactly the information you need to be able to change the signatory on a charity account.
The first time, I wasn't a signatory, despite signing the cheques for the last five fucking years and you not spotting that you'd got the wrong signature on your records.
The second time, despite the combined efforts of an award-winning author and scientist, a senior manager with a multi-national drugs company and a lawyer with thirty years experience, we apparently "didn't understand the form".
This is the third time. If you fuck up now, I will staple a copy to your CEO's forehead and unleash the Financial Conduct Authority on your sorry arses. Incompetent and unhelpful? Yes. Yes you are.
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Forward the New Republic
Posts: 9131 | From: Ultima Thule | Registered: Jul 2005
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
TICTH the world wide unwritten rule that says famous athletes are allowed to beat or murder their women unless actually caught on camera while doing it.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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anoesis
Shipmate
# 14189
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Posted
I would rather CTH a society in which it is considered normal to keep guns under your bed, and acceptable to blast to pieces anyone who broaches your perimeter fence. In my mind, there is at least a shadow of doubt that this was premeditated murder of his girlfriend, but still, whoever it was thought to have been in that bathroom, the outcome of his actions could hardly have been in doubt. How many of these cases go on in South Africa each year, that we never hear about, because the target was the 'correct' one, ie: someone undesirable?
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The history of humanity give one little hope that strength left to its own devices won't be abused. Indeed, it gives one little ground to think that strength would continue to exist if it were not abused. -- Dafyd --
Posts: 993 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Oct 2008
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deano
princess
# 12063
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Posted
TICTH those shipmates who raise issues in TICTH that merit their own threads so we can have a more balanced debate on, say, black women judges in South Africa who may or may not have given the right verdict on a white disabled man.
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"The moral high ground is slowly being bombed to oblivion. " - Supermatelot
Posts: 2118 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: Nov 2006
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
1. The criminal who charged up $1000 on our credit card on the internet.
2. The criminal who phished my elderly father and wrecked his computer operating system.
3. Me, for taking away my elderly father's downtown off the balcony pigeon hunting equipment and disposing of it, because I need it just now.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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saysay
Ship's Praying Mantis
# 6645
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Posted
TICTH spoiled, selfish, rich white women who do not understand that not everyone is like them and that people react very differently when people of a different race, class, or gender say and do the same things that they do.
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"It's been a long day without you, my friend
I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"
"'Oh sweet baby purple Jesus' - that's a direct quote from a 9 year old - shoutout to purple Jesus."
Posts: 2943 | From: The Wire | Registered: May 2004
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by deano:
TICTH those shipmates who raise issues in TICTH that merit their own threads so we can have a more balanced debate on, say, black women judges in South Africa who may or may not have given the right verdict on a white disabled man.
TICTH shipmates who complain about others who don't start threads on subjects that the complainers think merit "balanced debate". IOW, start your own damned thread, dude. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
To my marvellously wonderful spiffingly gorgeous butthead razorblades in my eyeballs day, may I now add dog diarrhea on the carpet. Which is hell incarnate with a hot poker in my nose.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
TICTH the world wide unwritten rule that says famous athletes are allowed to beat or murder their women unless actually caught on camera while doing it.
Oh yeah, because we all KNOW it was murder as opposed to reckless stupidity, right? Why bother with a trial.
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
I don't see how anyone can maintain, as the judge did, it is not reasonably foreseeable you will kill a person if you repeatedly fire a pistol at them. What would you expect to happen, cosmetic surgery ?
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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chive
Ship's nude
# 208
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Posted
TICTH evil filing cabinets that decide, purely from their own evil and without any input from me, to slam the drawer shut while my finger is still there. Well, I might have had something to do with it. But I've still got a very sore finger and I want to blame someone else.
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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost
Posts: 3542 | From: the cupboard under the stairs | Registered: May 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
TICTH lightning. We are in a storm and my slightly drunk wife is on the balcony trying to take pictures of it.
It's to fast! it's also freaking hilarious. All I can hear is the rumble of thunder, the click of a camera phone an the "Oh you fucker!"
I suppose you have to be here but I'm crying with laughter.
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
If you were nice, you'd point out the video function to her .....
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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ThunderBunk
Stone cold idiot
# 15579
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
If you were nice, you'd point out the video function to her .....
Spoilsport
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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".
Foolish, potentially deranged witterings
Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
It will still stop recording by itself just before the next bolt.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink:
I don't see how anyone can maintain, as the judge did, it is not reasonably foreseeable you will kill a person if you repeatedly fire a pistol at them. What would you expect to happen, cosmetic surgery ?
Firing at a door with a person behind it is not the same as firing at a person. More in the Purgatory thread.
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
Arriva Buses who have arranged that all the few evening buses to my village leave the possible railways stations either exactly as a train draws in, or one minute before. The next, last, bus being two hours later. (There are other trains, but there are long waits, in dark places. There are only three buses at each station. One is much too early, one is much too late, and one is nearly, but not quite, right. With the added refinement that two routes meet at one station, and the two buses at the nearly but not right time are one minute apart, the others being well apart.)
[ 13. September 2014, 20:43: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Oh I'd just CHT the company ....full stop. They provide a service: but not necessarily one that is helpful to the people it serves. Ever.
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Prescription that has risen in price to $405 per dose. That's $100 more than last month. Also effing D effing N effing A which is the reason I need this crapola.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ethne Alba:
Oh I'd just CHT the company ....full stop. They provide a service: but not necessarily one that is helpful to the people it serves. Ever.
It has occurred to me, too late, that I should rename them Leevabus
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ChastMastr:
Urban Outfitters. ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif) ![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif) ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
OMG! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
TICTH Kanye West. The man is a prime horse's ass and a narcissist of the first order. Everytime you turn around he aggrandizing himself as God's gift to contemporary culture. It was bad enough when he barged up on stage to preempt Tyler Swift while she was receiving a major award, to tell her that she didn't deserve it. Now the jerkwad has bullied a handicapped person by demanding EVERYONE stand up for his song or he wouldn't sing. He spotlighted a seated fan and taunted him for staying seated and got the other audience members to taunt him until one of his bouncers assured him the young man was in a wheelchair. Okay then, he'll sing. But no apology. And then he ranted about the media storm over his asshattery at his next concert. "I'm a married, Christian man with a family, pick another target." Well then he is a married, Christian family man who is a wart on the ass of humanity.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Vodaphone again.
The broad band is wonderful but no one told me i would lose my landline. This is bad because I can't hear my cellphone when it rings unless I stick it down my bra.
Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase being wired for sound
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lucia
Looking for light
# 15201
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Posted
TICTH humidity and heat that should be gone by this time of year and my own inability in this sticky, lethargy inducing weather to get on with the mountain of stuff that needs doing.
Posts: 1075 | From: Nigh golden stone and spires | Registered: Oct 2009
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Huia:
I can't hear my cellphone when it rings unless I stick it down my bra.
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
phone down bra (especially while out dancing or doing some other active endeavor) can cause damage to the phone from boob sweat. potentially fatal (to the phone) damage.
Don't ask me how I know this.
just trust me.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
At least you have a storage space. I never hear my cellphone beeping. It's a good thing I have it for my convenience, not anyone else's.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
I learn so many things from The Ship.
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
What concerns me is that so many other people are doing what I'm doing.
It's a business opportunity for someone, that's for sure.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Emma Louise
Storm in a teapot
# 3571
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Posted
Oh Comet I'd love to see you put that on an insurance claim form *grim*.
Posts: 12719 | From: Enid Blyton territory. | Registered: Nov 2002
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
we go with "water damage" and tell no tales, folks.
except when we admit the truth to those nearest and dearest who use it to tease us in public settings for the rest of our natural lives.
don't try this at home.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
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Posted
TICTH the referendum and all the bullshit, sentiment and outright fucking lies associated with it.
I particularly CTH the thugs and bullies of the Yes camp. Both sides have been tarnished by bad behaviour during the campaign, but only Yes supporters consistently heckle, jostle, phone people at hustings, vandalise cars, front door, call people traitors and Quislings.
Shame on you and the people who let this fucking genie out the fucking bottle.
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Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Bad day ?
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
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Posted
'ckin up to here with it.....
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Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Guess who? I've just has a text from Vodaphone giving me a password I need to acess the internet, which is a bit strange.
since I am already accessing the internet with a password the nice computer bloke I hired sorted out for me ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
I have a theory that telecommunications companies make it so difficult to change so that when next you want to change you'll remember what a pain it was and will stay where you are.
Huia ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
[ 17. September 2014, 22:25: Message edited by: Huia ]
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mad Cat:
TICTH the referendum and all the bullshit, sentiment and outright fucking lies associated with it.
I particularly CTH the thugs and bullies of the Yes camp. Both sides have been tarnished by bad behaviour during the campaign, but only Yes supporters consistently heckle, jostle, phone people at hustings, vandalise cars, front door, call people traitors and Quislings.
Shame on you and the people who let this fucking genie out the fucking bottle.
Ever consider that some of it might be the "no"s trying to piss off people still on the fence and to create ill-feeling against "yes"? Or did that sort of thing only happen in the US under Nixon?
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Crap spouted by Lyda*Rose:
Ever consider that some of it might be the "no"s trying to piss off people still on the fence and to create ill-feeling against "yes"? Or did that sort of thing only happen in the US under Nixon?
Nixon's been gone for forty years, and it still happens.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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Albertus
Shipmate
# 13356
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Posted
BBC Radio 3 for still giving 'Free Thinking' hosting gigs to Anne McElvoy- superficial, smart-alec, not as clever as she thinks she is, pretentious voice, guaranteed to bugger up discussion of the most promising and interesting topic.
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My beard is a testament to my masculinity and virility, and demonstrates that I am a real man. Trouble is, bits of quiche sometimes get caught in it.
Posts: 6498 | From: Y Sowth | Registered: Jan 2008
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