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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Something missing (post-crisis of faith coping)
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king in exile
Apprentice
# 18277
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Posted
I have had irreparable problems with "the church," and over the last few years I have wondered how to cope with starting a new life (returning to real life?) Being uprooted from church life is actually quite traumatic. I certainly have had worse things happen to me than the series of events that I witnessed, but around the time I was considering breaking free I had considered suicide. Why? Because church community has such peculiar power over an individual. I feel like I'm sane again, but it hurts to be estranged from the particular set of experiences that come with faith community. And it also hurts to realize what a wide gap there is between the actual subculture of (evangelical) church-dom and the world as it is. I feel like all people are just generally estranged from God. It seems like something about heaven is missing in life.
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KIE
Posts: 5 | From: Riyadh | Registered: Nov 2014
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Raptor Eye
Shipmate
# 16649
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Posted
Welcome to the ship, king in exile.
You might find some help within the current 8th day board where people are sharing their experiences of moving away from the church and/or religion and /or belief in God.
It seems to me that it is disappointment at the lack of unconditional love from others that hits home and hurts the most, as it's what we hope for from the Christian environment due to its teaching. It might be a combination of expectation that is too high and a lack of ability to give unconditional love ourselves, but we know that it isn't how it should be.
I've come to accept imperfection, to keep taking the blows and to carry on forgiving and trying to be encouraging and to help build others up in faith as well as myself, from within 'the church', as I believe it to be what God wants me to do, but I very much understand the dilemma, the urge to leave which conflicts with the desire to remain within the familiar community.
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Be still, and know that I am God! Psalm 46.10
Posts: 4359 | From: The United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2011
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Byron
Shipmate
# 15532
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Posted
Echo the welcome, so sorry to hear you went through something I know all too well, so glad you're coming out the other side.
There's other Christian traditions of course: mainline churches, or more progressive emerging setups. Alternatively, the community and sense of purpose can be found in other places, in volunteering, advocacy, and so on.
At times like these, I always find comfort in a line from Coriolanus: "Despising, for you, the city, thus I turn my back: there is a world elsewhere." Hope you find what you're looking for, there's every chance you will.
Posts: 1112 | Registered: Mar 2010
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Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290
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Posted
Echoing the comment that (evangelical) is not the only form of church-ship.
But adding that a sabbatical may be helpful while you let your emotions settle a bit. Some basic contemplative/meditative practises might help.
Given your location, you may be receiving a negative message about fundamentalism in general as well
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It's Not That Simple
Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Welcome from me, too! I've had (and am still having) a broadly similar experience, though I'm still Christian and indeed in ministry (of sorts). It hurts like hell.
My suggestion for the moment would be to seek out one or two steady, solid Christian friends who will NOT betray you and who will accept you for who you are without nagging or criticizing in any way. Spend regular time with them. Let them become "the church" to you until you heal. For things like worship and the Lord's supper, find a big, non-pushy, mainstream Christian congregation where you can sit safely in the back and nobody is going to do more than say "hi" to you. No pressure at all. Pick something sufficiently different from your previous congregation that your heart registers "I'm not there anymore, but sufficiently close that you aren't having major theological upsets. And then slip in just before service and slip out just as it ends. For Christian fellowship and conversation, go back to those safe friends I mentioned. It's what got me through some hellish years.
Oh, and above all, hang on to Jesus (or let him hang on to you). He and the church are two different things. Very different, on occasion.
It does get better.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Welcome from me, too! I've had (and am still having) a broadly similar experience, though I'm still Christian and indeed in ministry (of sorts). It hurts like hell.
My suggestion for the moment would be to seek out one or two steady, solid Christian friends who will NOT betray you and who will accept you for who you are without nagging or criticizing in any way. Spend regular time with them. Let them become "the church" to you until you heal. For things like worship and the Lord's supper, find a big, non-pushy, mainstream Christian congregation where you can sit safely in the back and nobody is going to do more than say "hi" to you. No pressure at all. Pick something sufficiently different from your previous congregation that your heart registers "I'm not there anymore, but sufficiently close that you aren't having major theological upsets. And then slip in just before service and slip out just as it ends. For Christian fellowship and conversation, go back to those safe friends I mentioned. It's what got me through some hellish years.
Oh, and above all, hang on to Jesus (or let him hang on to you). He and the church are two different things. Very different, on occasion.
It does get better.
Lamb Chopped strikes me as just one of those sorts of "safe friends". Wonderful advice, from one who has been there.
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
I've nothing to add to those wise words other than to express my prayers that God's love will be very real to you in this particularly rocky section of your journey.
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif) We spent Christmas yesterday with two of those Christian friends. One of them took me aside and told me in great detail that I was a member of their family now and should count on them that way. I almost cried.
helps a lot when the church seems intent on kicking you in the teeth.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Evangeline
Shipmate
# 7002
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Posted
Sorry this has happened. I also second Lamb Chopped's advice. Are you based permanently/semi-permanently in Riyadh? That must add another whole dimension to "real life" and seeking Christian fellowship, ex-pat (presumably) life has its own special challenges even without church being part of that. Makes holding tight to those real Christian friends even more important.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
Posts: 2871 | From: "A capsule of modernity afloat in a wild sea" | Registered: May 2004
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Morgan
Shipmate
# 15372
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Posted
I agree totally with the advice given. There may be personal variations. I went through a time when being in the church was just not working for me and I took some time out. The few weeks I anticipated turned into a few years which I spent exploring my relationship with God and, eventually, the place of the church in all that. Eventually the time came when I was ready to walk back in a church door.
Today I regard the leaving, the time out and the return as 3 great gifts from God.
Posts: 111 | From: Canberra | Registered: Dec 2009
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
hosting/
After hostly consultation, we've decided this might go well with our current experimental Eighth Day board topic Faithfree, so I'm moving it there.
/hosting
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Horseman Bree
Shipmate
# 5290
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Posted
Some years ago on The Ship, I remember a statement that went something like: "if you are having a Dark Night or some such episode of faith collapse, this probably indicates that you are changing your views in a significant way, but have not found how to express that to yourself yet".
In particular, it may mean that there is some barrier in your thinking to this new way of seeing things, and that lock has to be broken - but you don't yet see the combination. This doesn't mean that you should be too depressed about it, since it will work out over time, particularly if you "take a break" until you see what the next step may be.
And, whatever your church may have said, there are many other forms of having faith, of doing faith, of just being, and all of them have some aspect of God in sight. (Whether any of them are "true" is a different question, and none of us have that answer.)
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It's Not That Simple
Posts: 5372 | From: more herring choker than bluenose | Registered: Dec 2003
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Autenrieth Road
Shipmate
# 10509
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Posted
king in exile, are you having a crisis of faith, or a crisis of church? They're not necessarily the same thing. Your OP seems to be about how church has let you down, but doesn't seem to say anything about your faith (or lack of it) in God.
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Truth
Posts: 9559 | From: starlight | Registered: Oct 2005
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Horseman Bree:
(Whether any of them are "true" is a different question, and none of us have that answer.)
This needs saying over and again. I wish people would not state beliefs as if they were facts.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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king in exile
Apprentice
# 18277
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Posted
I appreciate everyone who replied to this post. Thank you all for welcoming me here to this little community.
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KIE
Posts: 5 | From: Riyadh | Registered: Nov 2014
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
I once lived for six months in a place with no church. I look back on that time as the most significant spiritual growth period in my life. Having no church to reinforce existing indoctrination, I started learning from life and friends and God instead of from abstract official theologies.
We see through a glass darkly. None of us, nor any of our clergy or theologians, believe undistorted pure or complete truth about God. We all have lots of error mixed into our theologies, taught to us by sincere teachers who themselves were mis-taught or who misinterpreted things they learned or experienced from God. Getting away from all that for a while (or periodically) can be a real blessing!
A few tolerant friends (willing to chat about God but not impose any specific beliefs), a lot of reading wide ranges of conflicting theologies by sincere believers, a lot of prayer not expecting instant answers (but occasionally welcoming a new, if starling, insight! Then study to see if it might be real or nonsense).
The process can be slow, scary, and sometimes painful. And fabulous!
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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