Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: Crappy Choruses & Horrible Hymns redux
|
tomb
Shipmate
# 174
|
Posted
quote: Originally posted by Oriel: Ha! *We* had "Bind us together", and I couldn`t help but think of the bondage version.. and ended up trying to finish it! ("Strip me and tether me Naked, and leather me Bind us together in lust")
Hmmm. Well done, and it scans better than the original, which isn't, I suppose, saying much. I wonder if we couldn't expand the scope of this thread by listing *actual* songs that would be suitable for people with various emotional, physical, and personality disorders. "Pass it on" immediately comes to mind for people afflicted with communicable diseases. I suppose it would also work for anybody afflicted with pyromania: "It only takes a spark to get a fire going/" etc. "Shout to the North" would be an excellent theme song for a television weather reader--particularly one burnt out by reporting winter storms. I'm assuming, you'll note, that being a meteorologist is a personality disorder. Certainly the way they behave on television leads to that conclusion. And how about "Whispering Hope" for the schizophrenics? And having thoroughly explored "Bind us together" for bondage enthusiasts, how about expanding the repertoire with "Draw us with the Spirit's tether"? Others? tomb [fixed my own stinkin' UBB code] [ 30 January 2002: Message edited by: tomb ]
Posts: 5039 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ultraspike
 Incensemeister
# 268
|
Posted
"Have you seen Jesus my Lord?" for those who constantly misplace things (is there a word for that?) or for the visually challenged.
-------------------- A cowgirl's work is never done.
Posts: 2732 | From: NYC | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
|
Posted
Hey big Daddy You up there Tune in to Our special prayerMake our world a better place Help us save the human race Give us food to feed our faces As we’re put through our paces Keep us safe from evil’s harm Be our safe-ty alarm You’re in charge Oh you’re so cool Cos’ you ain’t No man’s fool Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck I was subjected to this recently, and it has a tune as dire as the words! It's a kind of rap (i.e. it tries to be a rap, but fails miserably due to lack of scansion ) Can you spot what this is a modernisation of? Answers on a postcard to the usual address  Viki
-------------------- “Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Miffy
 Ship's elephant
# 1438
|
Posted
I prefer the txt mssg version! 
-------------------- "I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue") Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
birdie
 fowl
# 2173
|
Posted
Right. Hello.I had been resisting joining this thread because this is a subject I happen to feel very strongly about. But a recent experience has changed all that. I just need to check the furious face is working : yes? Right. Here goes. This week I went off to cell group, leaving husband (who'd had a foul day and didn't want to talk to anyone) at home. When I arrived I had two new songs inflicted upon me. One was entitled Adjust to the Dove, and the second, The Waters are Breaking. I don't really think I need go on, but I will. I can't actually recall many of the words to either, but the chorus of the first went: Come Holy Spirit Come Holy Spirit To rise above the Mountains We must adjust to the Dove. The second included a line beginning 'I feel like pushing' but strangely didn't have anything along the lines of 'it's been 36 hours and I've had enough, give me more pain relief' or 'this is all your fault, I'm never letting you anywhere near me again'. When I got back husband and I had a good laugh, but now I'm just Who in their right mindcan possiblythink that any such DRIVEL can be appropriate to worship God? I've got myself all cross now, I'm going to have to go. I would have taken the sheet of words to 'share' with others, but I was scared it might be interpreted as a positive response.
-------------------- "Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness." Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
Welcome, Birdie. My eyes are streaming because your post had me laughing so much! Your assessment is quite correct, of course, but on one point you are sadly mistaken. None of the people who write and propagate such "hymns" are by any means in their right minds!I'm glad to see the resurection of this thread - it's my favourite. Someone I know was telling me of a hymn called "The Angel Gabriel," which she was taught by nuns at school. I'd never heard of it - perhaps one of the nuns was the composer - and it loses much when one cannot hear the bizarre tune, but these are the words as I recall: Verse: The Angel Gabriel declared to Mary, That she would be God's mother you see. And on the Cross, Jesus our brother, Said behold thy mother. Chorus: Hail, Mary, mother of God, Lady in blue, I love you, Hail Mary, mother of God, Mary is my mother too.
-------------------- Cheers, Elizabeth “History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
birdie
 fowl
# 2173
|
Posted
I will try and get hold of the words for the two songs mentioned. You must understand that this is a risky mission.I lead worship on a Sunday morning occasionally and I can't help be scared that asking for more details of these songs will mean people then expect to hear them.... I have already decided what I will say if I'm ever singing as back-up and someone schedules these songs, as I can't, in all conscience, sing them! I can't shake off the image I have of God, in heaven, listening to us, and saying 'eh?' I'll be back when I've found them! Birdie
-------------------- "Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness." Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Atticus
Shipmate
# 2212
|
Posted
I hate that song that has a middle part about dancing: I Could Sing of Your Love Forever(which the song attempts to mimick by indeed, repeating itself, you guessed it, forever)"Oh I feel like dancing It's foolishness I know, But when the world has seen the light, they will dance with joy like we're dancing now." I always want to scream, "I don't feel like dancing, it's not just foolishness, it's bullsh!t, the world has seen the light, and they crucified it, AND NOBODY IS DANCING NOW! Furthermore you're all sitting on your under-excersized McDonald's fed arses with nothing moving at all but your bloody hands waving in the air!" Which is why I skip the music part of the service and time my arrival for the sermon and communion, what ever happened to "What a friend we have in Jesus" and "Amazing Grace" There's a song you can sing. My favorite is the Doxology. "...praise Father Son and Holy Ghooooooost. Aaaaaamen." in pleasant harmony can make my spine tingle.
Posts: 321 | From: off the deep end | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
sophs
 Sardonic Angel
# 2296
|
Posted
Sorry didnt know about this thread...sorry
Posts: 5407 | From: searching saharas of sorrow | Registered: Feb 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
simon 2
Shipmate
# 1524
|
Posted
That old hymn about the trump of God. For the flatulent choir.
-------------------- sorry for my spelling and bad gramma
Posts: 495 | From: in a forest | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Inanna
 Ship's redhead
# 538
|
Posted
Jumping back to the "christian lyrics to pop songs to show just how incredibly hip and trendy we can be" I've got burned into my brain some "youth" service at the large charismatic house church (though we met in a school and a swimming baths and if that hasn't given it away yet, oh well) back in, oh, I guess the late 80s.Some pop/rap type song of the day, had the refrain "No money man can win my love, it's sweetness that I'm thinking of" ... and we were inflicted to, of course, "it's JESUS That I'm thinking of" sung (badly) over an even worse kareoke backing track by two rather daringly clad young women. And I've never been able to get it out of my head since. I think they did one or two others, but those, along with the verses to said song, are obliviated in the mists of time and my ageing brain. 
-------------------- All shall be well And all shall be well And all manner of things shall be well.
Posts: 1495 | From: Royal Oak, MI | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Inanna
 Ship's redhead
# 538
|
Posted
And a current "peeve"...One of the favourite songs at the Catholic Community here in Nottingham seems to be a little ditty called "Zion". The refrain of which is: "Zion, holy mountain, holy city Lead me on to the Father Sacred road I set my face like flint for you Jerusalem My greatest joy." Is it just me, or can /anyone/ make any sense out of this? "I set my face like flint?" *boggles quietly*. Unfortunately we're doing it this Sunday. I'm sorely tempted to go to the 11am Latin Mass at the Cathedral instead...
-------------------- All shall be well And all shall be well And all manner of things shall be well.
Posts: 1495 | From: Royal Oak, MI | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
LMC
 Shipmate
# 86
|
Posted
quote: Originally posted by Oriel:
There`s another song which uses that line. I can`t remember much of it, but it does go Setting our faces like flint We`ll walk into the light with such a cheery bouncy tune that it makes a mockery of the whole idea that we`re meant to be setting our faces like flint to the prospect of *suffering*!
It was called 'We shall stand', and was a favourite in the early 90's. It went something like: We shall stand With our feet on the rock Whatever men may say We'll lift your name up hi-igh We shall waaaaalk Through the darkest night Setting our faces like flint We'll walk into the liiight Hopefully that's now all stuck in your heads
(PS I did quite like it at the time )
-------------------- hello
Posts: 505 | From: Off the M9 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
birdie
 fowl
# 2173
|
Posted
Back, triumphant! Hope you're all ready for this:Bitterness is poisonous to my soul Un-forgiveness makes the heart grow cold... O to forgive and be forgiven Release and be release. We were created to be free. To rise above the mountains We must adjust to the dove.... Holy Spirit come Holy Spirit come To rise above the mountains... We must adjust to the dove... Quarelling is damaging this I know With forgiveness the anointing flows... O to show mercy and to know mercy Grace and know grace Filling our lives with peace again To rise above the mountains We must adjust to the dove It's not actually as bad as I remember it. I can only bring myself to give you the fisr verse of the other one: The waters have broken All across this land Birthing a new dawn I don't fully understand But hwew I am Watching, Watching The Earth is groaning There's pain within this land I feel like pushing I don't fully understand But here I am Praying, shaking Anticipating... something... Better than before, it's got to be And expecting... something... Greater than we've ever known A new thing... From the ancient spring. I bet you all though I'd made it all up. I have to confess that I quite like the line about the ancient spring, but I think that's a reaction against churches who tend to behave as though Jesus was born in 1962. If you know what I mean. In some ways I feel quite bad about posting this...after all some people obviously love them and I know God can use anything to speak to people. But I can't forget the horror when I was handed the sheet of words.... sigh. Cheers Birdie
-------------------- "Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness." Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
birdie
 fowl
# 2173
|
Posted
oops... apologies for the typos above. I'm sure you all know what I meant!
-------------------- "Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness." Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
da_musicman
Shipmate
# 1018
|
Posted
We did a couple of new songs on Sunday and once again Christian Music is leading the way. First up was A delightful ditty which started off with the line "Two sins have we commited".Yeah and the rest.Next was another stinker whose only line I can remember is "Judgment is good.Mercy is Best" Stood there halfway between laughing and just going What? One day we may do a good new song at church.Huh.Fat chance.
Posts: 3202 | From: The Dreaming | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
|
Posted
last night, in my dreams, some of these songs came back to haunt me... I dreamt I was in the clappy happy church of my youth! Ah dear! 
-------------------- "May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Inanna
 Ship's redhead
# 538
|
Posted
I remember our church mission group doing a parody version of "Jesus take me as I am" based around our mission leader of the time:"Make me like a David Stone Six foot two and finely combed" Of course, this was also the group which turned "Ascribe greatness to our God the Rock" into the following: Ascribe lateness to our faulty clock It's works are dirty and both its hands are bust (repeat) A clock of latefulness and completely rusty Good and uptight are we... (repeat) Not to mention the new modern re-working of Jesus wants me for a sunbeam: "I wanna be an LED for Je-e-e-esus"
-------------------- All shall be well And all shall be well And all manner of things shall be well.
Posts: 1495 | From: Royal Oak, MI | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Callan
Shipmate
# 525
|
Posted
Am I the only one who has had to endure the musical atrocity known only as "I leap up high".I am, well let me share. Remember that all this is accompanied by actions. "I leap up high and I touch the ground I touch my knees and I turn around I've got to (Woo-hoo)praise the Lord" The next stanza includes the line "I might look silly, but that's all right, I've got to (woo-hoo) praise the Lord". Just so everyone knows that the truly pious person will be jumping around like a loon and not standing at the back trying to work out how the same God who inspired Bach was also responsible for this drivel. Thank you for letting me get that particularly traumatic experience off my chest.
-------------------- How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton
Posts: 9757 | From: Citizen of the World | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Callan
Shipmate
# 525
|
Posted
sophs, your recollection of the lines is probably more correct than my own. I have been doing my best to blot out the memory.
-------------------- How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton
Posts: 9757 | From: Citizen of the World | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
|
Posted
On Sunday.....we sang.....The Undignified Song!!!! Picture this. A church of 253 adults after the children have left to go to their groups. (I'm stood in the balconey, counting heads ) The adults are ALL singing: I will dance, I will sing To be mad for my king Nothing Lord is hindering (nice rhyme there) The passion in my soul! And I'll become (bom-bom) Even more undignified than this etc. etc. etc. Pan over the entire congregation. All.Stood.Still. Rigid even. Which, lets face it, if I had to be in the body of the church for this song, I too would be stood stock still. Either that, or I would have gone out 'to the loos' before the song started. But I wouldn't have sung it. And they ALL are!! And when I discretely asked several of them afterwards, if they could see any problems with singing this, and standing still, NONE of them got it!! Anglicans. Tchuh. Viki
-------------------- “Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ginga
Ship's lurker
# 1899
|
Posted
quote: Originally posted by Oriel: That`s not the one that goesOJesusI have prom ised (pom pom pom) Toservetheeto the end (pom pom pom pom) Bethouforev er near me (pom pom pom) Mymasterand my friend I-shall-not fear the battle (da-da-da) If-thou-art by my side No-or WANder from the pa-athway If thou wilt be my guide (pom, pom, PA-da and into next verse) is it?
What a fabulous rendition! I couldn't for the life of me remember the tune, but suddenly - thanks to your effortless use of punctuation - it all came flooding back, and now it won't leave. At all. Even whistling the Great Escape isn't working. I'm not a happy ginger. 
Posts: 1075 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
|