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Source: (consider it) Thread: Crappy Choruses & Horrible Hymns redux
The5thMary
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quote:
Originally posted by Darkwing:
One time in College Chapel, the speaker said, "You know, chapel could be a lot worse" and proceeded to show us this.

I apologize in advance.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I have some alternate lyrics. "Jesus taught me to sing like a robot. Jesus taught me it's okay to throw up!" Oh, man, that is really... something... not something good, but something...

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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Joshua Bell
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One I heard recently (not used any more, thankfully):

Revelation, Revelation,
Twenty-one eight, twenty one eight,
Liars go to Hell, liars go to Hell,
Burn burn burn, burn burn burn.

(To the tune of Frere Jacques et al.)

--------------------
[Clarification: I am coming from the perspective of a member of the CofE.]

twitter.com/joshuacampana

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Gill H

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I believe the Sonseed one is a spoof.

Isn't it? Please?!

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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Curiosity killed ...

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Sadly, that was my reaction (Sonseed is a spoof) and it seems from Googling there was a group called Sonseed and that was their most popular track.

--------------------
Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat

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The5thMary
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Sonseed has inspired me to write my own little ditty to Jesus. Here's a little sample:

"Jesus is my boyfriend,
He's really, really great!
Every time I think of Him,
I want to master... chess!"


I know, I know, it's BAAAAD! But it's very similar in some respects to those horrible choruses we have been laughing about. I may try my hand at writing more "lyrics".

--------------------
God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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Darkwing
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quote:
Originally posted by Joshua Bell:
Revelation, Revelation,
Twenty-one eight, twenty one eight,
Liars go to Hell, liars go to Hell,
Burn burn burn, burn burn burn.

You've got to be kidding me! [Eek!]

quote:
Sonseed has inspired me to write my own little ditty to Jesus. Here's a little sample:
(snip)

Well, then, with that sort of humor, you might prefer this version better! [Snigger]

--------------------
"Science was my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament!"
- Kenneth, 30 Rock

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kingsfold

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I've just listened to the Sonseed (the uncensored one). Oh dear.

But I did have to laugh at these lines...

quote:
He loves me when I'm right, he loves me when I'm wrong.
He loves me when I'm wasting time by writing silly songs



[ 20. April 2011, 08:42: Message edited by: kingsfold ]

--------------------
I came to Jesus and I found in him my star, my sun.
And in that light of life I'll walk 'til travelling days are done


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Joshua Bell
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quote:
Originally posted by Darkwing:
You've got to be kidding me! [Eek!]

I wish I were. But no, someone had it taught to them in Sunday School - about 20 years ago.

--------------------
[Clarification: I am coming from the perspective of a member of the CofE.]

twitter.com/joshuacampana

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The5thMary
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There is a line of severe thunderstorms headed into the Atlanta, GA area. I wonder if Jesus is going to smite me for making up those awful lines about Him?

But seriously... I don't really believe He'd do such a thing... He wouldn't, would He?? [Ultra confused]

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God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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ianjmatt
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I don't know if this has been mentioned, but someone sang this as a solo during a service this weekend:

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

The verses are kind of meh but this chorus (accompanied by what sounded like a gear crunching modulation) just had me in stitches. It isn't just the crappy purple-ness of 'Like a Rose/Trampled on the ground" it is the vomit-inducing lovey-doveyness of the last three lines.

--------------------
You might want to visit my blog:
http://lostintheheartofsomewhere.blogspot.com

But maybe not

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Alex Cockell

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quote:
Originally posted by ianjmatt:
I don't know if this has been mentioned, but someone sang this as a solo during a service this weekend:

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

The verses are kind of meh but this chorus (accompanied by what sounded like a gear crunching modulation) just had me in stitches. It isn't just the crappy purple-ness of 'Like a Rose/Trampled on the ground" it is the vomit-inducing lovey-doveyness of the last three lines.

That'll be Michael W Smith's
Above All.

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Spike

Mostly Harmless
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quote:
Originally posted by Alex Cockell:
quote:
Originally posted by ianjmatt:
I don't know if this has been mentioned, but someone sang this as a solo during a service this weekend:

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

The verses are kind of meh but this chorus (accompanied by what sounded like a gear crunching modulation) just had me in stitches. It isn't just the crappy purple-ness of 'Like a Rose/Trampled on the ground" it is the vomit-inducing lovey-doveyness of the last three lines.

That'll be Michael W Smith's
Above All.

[Projectile]

--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

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Low Treason
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quote:
Originally posted by ianjmatt:
I don't know if this has been mentioned, but someone sang this as a solo during a service this weekend:

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

The verses are kind of meh but this chorus (accompanied by what sounded like a gear crunching modulation) just had me in stitches. It isn't just the crappy purple-ness of 'Like a Rose/Trampled on the ground" it is the vomit-inducing lovey-doveyness of the last three lines.

It doesn't really stand up to Victimae Paschali Laudes, does it?

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He brought me to the banqueting house, and His banner over me was love.

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Jolly Jape
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quote:
Originally posted by Spike:
quote:
Originally posted by Alex Cockell:
quote:
Originally posted by ianjmatt:
I don't know if this has been mentioned, but someone sang this as a solo during a service this weekend:

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

The verses are kind of meh but this chorus (accompanied by what sounded like a gear crunching modulation) just had me in stitches. It isn't just the crappy purple-ness of 'Like a Rose/Trampled on the ground" it is the vomit-inducing lovey-doveyness of the last three lines.

That'll be Michael W Smith's
Above All.

[Projectile]
Actually Paul Baloche, I think. And I, too, think it's awful, though I've a lot of time for some of the rest of Baloche's compostions.

--------------------
To those who have never seen the flow and ebb of God's grace in their lives, it means nothing. To those who have seen it, even fleetingly, even only once - it is life itself. (Adeodatus)

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TonyK

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Transferred from new thread not really required (with thanks to PeteC):

Posted by Alex Cockell ( 15 Sept 2011: 12.25)

Hi folks,

After the Redux thread got consigned ot either Limbo or Oblivion - here's another stub. (It wasn’t – nothing in DH has ever been sent to Limbo or Oblivion, to the best of my knowledge – TK)

Yep - there ARE fewer of them around - but I thought I'd kick off with a review clip I saw on Youtube..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTX129WH2EM

--------------------
Alex Cockell
Reading, UK
------------------------------------------------

Posted by the giant cheeseburger (15th Sep 2011: 12.58)

How dare he hate on Jesus is a friend of mine! Many a modern youth group leader has found great delight in using that as a nice Christian alternative to rickrolling their teenagers!

[ 15. September 2011, 11:59: Message edited by: the giant cheeseburger ]

-------------------------------------------------
Back to normal - carry on posting!!

Yours aye... TonyK
Host, Dead Horses

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Alex Cockell

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Apologies Tony - I'd run a search and it came up blank. Maybe the search indexes need rebuilding?
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TonyK

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Maybe Alex - I've never had much luck with the search function at the best of times!!

Glad to be of service [Biased]

And thanks to PeteC for spotting it - though I guess Louise or I would've done so, but he got there first.

--------------------
Yours aye ... TonyK

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Uncle Pete

Loyaute me lie
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I didn't run searches. I just did a manual scan of the first three pages. Found it then.

--------------------
Even more so than I was before

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tomsk
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Thanks for that link Alex. The Jesus is a friend of mine video was quite a piece of archaeology, what with the matching outfits. Did sub-70's ska revival worship music catch on? In spite of the cringeworthy words it is annoyingly catchy.
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The5thMary
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quote:
Originally posted by tomsk:
Thanks for that link Alex. The Jesus is a friend of mine video was quite a piece of archaeology, what with the matching outfits. Did sub-70's ska revival worship music catch on? In spite of the cringeworthy words it is annoyingly catchy.

Yeah. It gets stuck in your brain for days on end. Until you. want. to. jump. out. a. window.

--------------------
God gave me my face but She let me pick my nose.

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Mudfrog
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quote:
Originally posted by Paddy O'Furniture:
quote:
Originally posted by tomsk:
Thanks for that link Alex. The Jesus is a friend of mine video was quite a piece of archaeology, what with the matching outfits. Did sub-70's ska revival worship music catch on? In spite of the cringeworthy words it is annoyingly catchy.

Yeah. It gets stuck in your brain for days on end. Until you. want. to. jump. out. a. window.
Thank God it was Catholic and not evangelical !

[Snigger] [Devil]

--------------------
"The point of having an open mind, like having an open mouth, is to close it on something solid."
G.K. Chesterton

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OhSimone
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quote:
quote by churchgeek:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
He has them singing such songs as I'm special

Oh dear God, if anything ever deserved the [Projectile] smiley, this lyric certainly does!

And it's poorly written, too.

This is worthy of a mention in here, if it hasn't been already. I'm a bad person, but I can't help associating "I'm special" with something a lot less PC.
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Helen-Eva
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quote:
Originally posted by OhSimone:
This is worthy of a mention in here, if it hasn't been already. I'm a bad person, but I can't help associating "I'm special" with something a lot less PC.

My church choir had to record "I'm special" for someone who wanted to teach it to young teenagers at school - probably wasn't a good idea but he's still alive, so they must have been pretty tolerant teenagers. We (the choir) laughed ourselves silly.

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I thought the radio 3 announcer said "Weber" but it turned out to be Webern. Story of my life.

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Penny S
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It occurs to me that the authors of these pieces believe that they are doing something beautiful for God.
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ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
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quote:
Originally posted by Penny S:
It occurs to me that the authors of these pieces believe that they are doing something beautiful for God.

Delusion is a terrible thing. Doesn't mean it can't be commented on.

--------------------
Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

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LeRoc

Famous Dutch pirate
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quote:
Joshua Bell: One I heard recently (not used any more, thankfully):

Revelation, Revelation,
Twenty-one eight, twenty one eight,
Liars go to Hell, liars go to Hell,
Burn burn burn, burn burn burn.

(To the tune of Frere Jacques et al.)

I would be singing the last part of this song with a lot of gusto! Would I be allowed to make gestures to accompany the song? [Devil]

--------------------
I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)

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Hennah

Ship's Mother Hen
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I read the last line of that as "burn, baby, burn" and thought the tune might have been something else entirely...

Would probably improve it. [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
Never stand behind satan in a Post Office queue: the devil takes many forms.

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Mockingale
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Oh boy. We had this "classic" on All Saints last year:

I sing a song of the saints of God,
Patient and brave and true,
Who toiled and fought and lived and died
For the Lord they loved and knew.
And one was a doctor, and one was a queen,
And one was a shepherdess on the green;
They were all of them saints of God, and I mean,
God helping, to be one too.

...

They lived not only in ages past,
There are hundreds of thousands still.
The world is bright with the joyous saints
Who love to do Jesus' will.
You can meet them in school, or in lanes, or at sea,
In church, or in trains, or in shops, or at tea;
For the saints of God are just folk like me,
And I mean to be one too.

Cringe-worthy. [Projectile]

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Baptist Trainfan
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I agree, quite apart from the "one was a queen line" which has caused many to chortle*, it's so redolent of 1930s middle-class semi-detached Enid Blyton suburbia, complete with afternoon tea ("Won't you have another cream fancy, Mrs, Jones?" "I really shouldn't - but I think I'm going to be naughty!")

Except for one thing: it rightly shows "saints" as ordinary Christians doing ordinary things. And there are very few other hymns that do that.

Which is why it might still be in some hymnbooks.


* Especially when one realises it was written by someone called Lesbia Scott.

[ 30. January 2012, 15:50: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]

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Mockingale
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quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:

Except for one thing: it rightly shows "saints" as ordinary Christians doing ordinary things. And there are very few other hymns that do that.

I'd like to think there's at least one that's not a cloying 1930s English Sunday School sing-along.
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Baptist Trainfan
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So would I!
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Albertus
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You could try writing one, or adapting Ms Scott's.
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Mockingale
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quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
You could try writing one, or adapting Ms Scott's.

If I had any song-writing skills I would. I'm sure that Lesbia Scott meant well, and it's a fine song for five-year-old children to sing (they are probably its originally intended audience). But much like "Jesus Loves Me This I know" or "Jesus Loves the Little Children," it holds little appeal to me as an adult.

My objection isn't really to its existence as a song, but to its inclusion in the Episcopal Hymnal 1984, where music directors might feel at liberty to program it as a song for worship services that involve adults.

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Chorister

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Once a year, on Education Sunday, all the choirs from the local schools get invited to church and sing all these songs in one go. You are all invited (next service this Sunday, 9.45am) to come along and sing your little hearts out. You know all the words now, they're all on this thread if you need reminding. A whole hour of CC&HH fun!

And boy, will you need the coffee afterwards. With an extra shot of morphine, no doubt (BYO).

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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Offeiriad

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quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:
quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:

Except for one thing: it rightly shows "saints" as ordinary Christians doing ordinary things. And there are very few other hymns that do that.

I'd like to think there's at least one that's not a cloying 1930s English Sunday School sing-along.
I'm fond of the newish hymn from the A & M stable:
'Rejoice in God's saints'

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Offeiriad

Ship's Arboriculturalist
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...oh, by the way...
sorry, I'm too lazy/busy to read through all 35 pages, please can anybody point me to the website mentioned somewhere which has a number of excellent parodies of main-line hymns? I saw this a few years ago, and especially enjoyed a good one on the subject of Christian Stewardship. I'd love to rediscover this website if anybody can tell me where to find it. Thanks.

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Mockingale
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quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Once a year, on Education Sunday, all the choirs from the local schools get invited to church and sing all these songs in one go. You are all invited (next service this Sunday, 9.45am) to come along and sing your little hearts out. You know all the words now, they're all on this thread if you need reminding. A whole hour of CC&HH fun!

And boy, will you need the coffee afterwards. With an extra shot of morphine, no doubt (BYO).

If it's all the same to you, I think I'd rather eat bees.
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Horseman Bree
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oferyas, I presume you mean the Wenchoster Cathedral Hymnbook

--------------------
It's Not That Simple

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Offeiriad

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Thank you, HB, you are a stout fellow!

(PC translation = you are kind and good to supply this information: I infer no judgement of your height/weight ratio)

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Chorister

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We sang a song tonight (in preparation for Education Sunday) called 'We are climbing Jesus's Ladder'. WTF? Jesus didn't have a ladder - it was Jacob. I've heard of changing words to make things clearer, but this is just daft. What do they teach them these days? [Confused]

Vewy vewy quietly, just so only the people either side of me could hear, I sang 'In my tights there is a ladder, ladder', which made more sense than the printed words in front of me.

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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Penny S
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Chorister, you have just supplied me with today's earworm - I might even remember the actions! (We did sing Jacob's ladder, though, I think.

I have to own, I used to like that saint one. Oh dear. Though the line "and one was slain by a fierce wild beast" might not encourage emulation. And there are comparitively few females.

Penny

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pererin
Shipmate
# 16956

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Well, I've now read through all 35 pages of this, which clearly is much more of an achievement than the noobs who read through it when it was only 23 pages long. [Biased]

And I agree with many of the nominations of dreary, languishing stuff, and also the sort of music that would almost be a human rights violation to inflict on people using lifts (yes, I do mean the Shepherd's Pipe Carol).

As I've mentioned elsewhere, I find worshipping in Welsh helps avoid a lot of the bad material, as it usually means that someone will have to go to the trouble of translating it; but of course when they actually do, that makes it all the worse, so I wish to nominate "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" and "Father, I adore you" as horrible hymns, because their perniciousness has stretched to translation.

But I must admit that Hatherop Castle (O Jesus, I have promised) is a particular guilty pleasure of mine.

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"They go to and fro in the evening, they grin like a dog, and run about through the city." (Psalm 59.6)

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Theophania
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# 16647

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Is there nothing terrible written in Welsh?

That is clearly a gap in the market and you should write some. Have proper original appalling lyrics, rather than having to put up with translations from appalling English ones! [Devil]

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Baptist Trainfan
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# 15128

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Perhaps some of the songs have been improved in the translation? [Devil]
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pererin
Shipmate
# 16956

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quote:
Originally posted by Theophania:
Is there nothing terrible written in Welsh?

Oh of course there is. There's some piece of doggerel about one of the Welsh saints that includes something about "ffurfafen Eglwys Gymru" — the Church of Wales' firmament — I mean, renaming the Church is fine, as it's what it gets called half the time anyway, but I was not aware that amongst its glories was its own sky.

quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
Perhaps some of the songs have been improved in the translation? [Devil]

Definitely. The "holy Church as his creation and her teaching as his own" bit of "Firmly I believe and truly" (which I suspect I am far from alone in feeling more than a little bit uncomfortable about!) becomes "geiriau ei hathrawiaeth iachus ddwg im genadwri'r nef" — the words of her wholesome teaching will bring me to the mission of heaven.

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"They go to and fro in the evening, they grin like a dog, and run about through the city." (Psalm 59.6)

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Offeiriad

Ship's Arboriculturalist
# 14031

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I can think of a few other horrors in Welsh, although the actual texts are now in my Reserve Library (or, as my OH prefers to call it, 'under the bed'). I only discovered too late (in the middle of the service...) that there were two translations of Shine, Jesus, shine in circulation, only one of which was actually singable to the music... [Eek!]

In terms of home grown bilge, I went to one parish and found a box of incense dating from before the (Great!) War - the Archdeacon advised that Bomb Disposal didn't need to be called, but that burning it would probably be a bad idea.

In the same parish I found an equally smelly ancient Welsh hymnbook still in use. This was one of those Victorian jobs offering a text for every possible liturgical and pastoral occasion. My favourite was one headed 'on the death of the Vicar' (no, NOT for the death of the Vicar..), a piece of purple prose about (God's) 'servant's lamp being taken from the lampstand'.

I took care to avoid giving them opportunity to sing it, but I confess I did nick a copy for future amusement when I moved on from there... [Big Grin]

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ThunderBunk

Stone cold idiot
# 15579

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quote:
Originally posted by pererin:
The "holy Church as his creation and her teaching as his own" bit of "Firmly I believe and truly" (which I suspect I am far from alone in feeling more than a little bit uncomfortable about!)

Translating the whole thing into Welsh is not strictly necessary at that point; my own solution is simply to change the gender of the last pronoun, which neatly expresses my own position on the point, namely that, quite a lot of the time, the church makes it up as it/she goes along.

[ 25. February 2012, 07:35: Message edited by: FooloftheShip ]

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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".

Foolish, potentially deranged witterings

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busyknitter
Shipmate
# 2501

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Hello Gamaliel, I would actually quite like to know why you hate The Greatest Day in History so much. Is it an aversion to modern choruses in general, in which case, each to his own? Or is there something in particular about this one that riles you so?
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Jengie jon

Semper Reformanda
# 273

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Also Gamaliel you need to be aware that the modern version is badly bowdlerised. For starters the chorus ain't by Dodderidge at all. If you want to see what the original was like you need to get hold of Congregational Praise (I don't have a copy and it is way out of print but I know it is in there as I got caught out*). I am not sure how much change there is to the verses but I have had to talk my father down. Its as bad as the stuff done to some of Wesley's hymns.

Jengie

*United Reformed churches always sing the words they know not those in the hymn book or on the overhead projector. So without annoucement I was faced with verses only and no chorus while the people around me happily sung a chorus.

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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge

Back to my blog

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Snags
Utterly socially unrealistic
# 15351

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Am I going blind, or has the Gamaliel/Greatest Day thing come in from somewhere else?

I know some of the older people at our shack get all twitchy about it because they see it as a re-working of the much older gospel "Oh happy day, when Jesus washed my sins away", but AFAICT it's a totally different song. I certainly treat it as such. And as an up tempo, modern, celebratory song it works well, as long as you have a half-decent band to belt it out, and you transpose it down to a key that people who aren't Tim Hughes can sing it in.

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Vain witterings :-: Vain pretentions :-: The Dog's Blog(locks)

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