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Source: (consider it) Thread: Crappy Choruses & Horrible Hymns redux
Miffy

Ship's elephant
# 1438

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[Eek!] [Paranoid] [Frown] [Help]

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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Is Rossian thing. I'm not so sure I understand it myself. [Ultra confused]

Reader Alexis

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Bongo
Shipmate
# 778

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Not sure if I've posted this somewhere back in the mists of time, but...anyway.

Anyone else recall this cringeworthy 'action song' (I can only remember the chorus)?:

I'm not a grasshopper, I'm a giant for the Lord (repeat 3 times)

When you get to the chorus, you're supposed to hurl your arms straight down in front of you (like line judges do when a ball is in at Wimbledon) and jump up and down maniacally. Good clean fun. NOT!

And as for altering lyrics - when I was a wee young thing in a youth group, we used to sing "Come on and sellotape, sellotape, sellotape and string; sellotape and string, drawing pins..."

Bongo

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mousethief

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# 953

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Bongo: what song is the "cellotape" thing meant to be a spoof of?

Reader Alexis

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
Bongo: what song is the "cellotape" thing meant to be a spoof of?

Reader Alexis

Come on and celebrate,
Celebrate, celebrate and sing
Celebrate and sing to our ki-i-i-i-i-i-ing [Big Grin]

It's a wonderful song [Wink]

Viki

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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mousethief

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# 953

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So sorry I missed it! [Roll Eyes]

Reader Alexis

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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quote:
Originally posted by Bongo:
Not sure if I've posted this somewhere back in the mists of time, but...anyway.

Anyone else recall this cringeworthy 'action song' (I can only remember the chorus)?:

I'm not a grasshopper, I'm a giant for the Lord (repeat 3 times)

When you get to the chorus, you're supposed to hurl your arms straight down in front of you (like line judges do when a ball is in at Wimbledon) and jump up and down maniacally. Good clean fun. NOT!

I wanna be a flea for the Lord [Wink] Failing that, a cow? [Big Grin]

Viki

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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Boot
Shipmate
# 2611

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Not a horrible song, but one of the ones from the Soul Survivor stable with the first line of the chorus being "Let me be a shining light for you" always provokes much amusement from me.

It invariably gets sung as "let me be a whineing shi*te for you" by our youth group.

Which is strangely appropriate for most of them.

Bless

b

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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The one I really hated, which is not a worship song per se but I have heard it done as "special music," is

Love Crucified a Rose.

I always wondered: what in the heck would Love do that for?

Reader ALexis

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
The one I really hated, which is not a worship song per se but I have heard it done as "special music," is

Love Crucified a Rose.

I always wondered: what in the heck would Love do that for?

Reader ALexis

Hey, maybe we've all got it wrong? Jesus wasn't a man. He wasn't even human. He was a flower, in fact, a rose.

Question: How would you crucify a rose? Where would you hammer the nails?

Viki

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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tomb
Shipmate
# 174

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quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
The one I really hated, which is not a worship song per se but I have heard it done as "special music," is

Love Crucified a Rose.

I always wondered: what in the heck would Love do that for?

Reader ALexis

Somebody was trying to be literary. All that rose imagery in medieval and early renaissance European poetry. If you're a disciple of D.F. Robertson (or you happen to be D.F. Robertson) you figure the Rose is Christ. If you're anybody else, you just assume it's a vagina.
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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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I never know, Tomb, when you're joking and when you're being serious.

Reader Alexis

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Nightlamp
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# 266

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Why do you think it's red roses on Valentines day?

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

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Scot

Deck hand
# 2095

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Hmmm, either I'm going to be helpful OR I'm going to prove that I'm the only one too slow to pick up on the joke. However, just to show that I am selfless to a fault and exist only to help others... [Roll Eyes]

I think you'll find that it is 'Love Crucified Arose' as in 'Love embodied in Christ, was Crucified and then Arose from the dead'

Okay, let the mockery begin.

scot

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Amos

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# 44

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I've always assumed that too. But perhaps I'm incorrigibly literal-minded.

I logged on this morning, Lord, because I just wanna lift up to you my brother Tomb who yesterday put the tune of "Shine Jesus Shine" into my head for the whole of the day. [Help]

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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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quote:
Originally posted by Scot:
Hmmm, either I'm going to be helpful OR I'm going to prove that I'm the only one too slow to pick up on the joke. However, just to show that I am selfless to a fault and exist only to help others... [Roll Eyes]

I think you'll find that it is 'Love Crucified Arose' as in 'Love embodied in Christ, was Crucified and then Arose from the dead'

Okay, let the mockery begin.

Mockery? For someone brave enough and selfless enough to perform the deed you just have? Never.

Nonetheless, you're the only one too slow to pick up on the joke. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

The problem with the song, however, is that when you first hear it it sounds like the floral thing; you gotta kinda twist it around in your head for a microsecond to realize what they're really saying. Which, I submit, means it is a poorly written song.

REader ALexis

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
I logged on this morning, Lord, because I just wanna lift up to you my brother Tomb who yesterday put the tune of "Shine Jesus Shine" into my head for the whole of the day. [Help]

Somehow I have managed not to have heard that song. I gather I am blessed beyond all measure.

Moo

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See you later, alligator.

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Ann

Curious
# 94

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Moo, just to make your day.

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Ann

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Moo

Ship's tough old bird
# 107

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quote:
Originally posted by Ann:
Moo, just to make your day.

No, thanks. My day is fine just the way it is.

Moo

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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.

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fusilli
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# 2930

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From other threads you will probably have guessed that I like a lot of the new worship songs that are around. My pet hate, though, is where an otherwise good song is ruined by lazy lyrics. For example
quote:
The Lord's loving kindnesses
indeed will never cease
And his compassions
they will never fade away

They are new every morning
They are new every day
Great is thy faithfulness


The Lord's amazing grace
abounds to us every day
And his great mercies
they will never fade


is potentially a really good song but spoile by the horrible scansion in the second verse. An extra 5 minutes effort would have improved it no end.

Then there are songs that mix thee and thou and you in the same verse!

[Cool]

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I want to be weaker, give help to the strong ("Deeper" by Martin Smith)

"... my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor 12:9)

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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But fusilli, isn't that verse just straight from the psalms?

Those doggoned psalmists. Too lazy by half!

Reader Alexis

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fusilli
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# 2930

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Yes, but the tune used fits the first verse well. For the second verse you need a crowbar!

[Cool]

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I want to be weaker, give help to the strong ("Deeper" by Martin Smith)

"... my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor 12:9)

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mousethief

Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953

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Y'all just need to point it for Orthodox chant. Then syllabification is (almost) irrelevant. [Smile]

Reader Alexis

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DMcV
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# 545

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The biggest grammatical irritation in modern crap choruses is that one that goes 'It was for freedom/That Christ has set us free.' Get yer tenses right, O shiny-gnashered ones.

And, yes, unwitting changes of viewpoint abound in modern crap choruses, but generally they manage to get back to I/Me fairly quickly.

I offer again a spoof chorus composed by one of my peers on an SU Holiday team:

Turn, turn, turn or burn,
Turn, turn, turn or burn,
Turn, turn, turn or burn.
Thus saith the Lord!


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You can have whatever you want/But are you disciplined enough to be free?

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Callan
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# 525

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Originally posted by DMcV:

quote:
The biggest grammatical irritation in modern crap choruses is that one that goes 'It was for freedom/That Christ has set us free.' Get yer tenses right, O shiny-gnashered ones.
I have fond memories of that particular song from my house church days. According to the acetate we used the next line went:

'No longer to be subject to a yolk of slavery'.

Which always made me chuckle.

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How easy it would be to live in England, if only one did not love her. - G.K. Chesterton

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J Whitgift

Pro ecclesia dei!
# 1981

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Sorry if this one has already been done, but I, and my friends at University used to balk at:

'...You do all things well;
Just look at our lives.'
from 'His Banner over me is Love.

I don't quite class my life as being that good [Disappointed] , but then again compared to what it could be... But in its context it is a little too silly to be singable.

Lux

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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quote:
Originally posted by Lux Mundi:
Sorry if this one has already been done, but I, and my friends at University used to balk at:

'...You do all things well;
Just look at our lives.'
from 'His Banner over me is Love.

I don't quite class my life as being that good [Disappointed] , but then again compared to what it could be... But in its context it is a little too silly to be singable.

Lux

That song was on my list of All-time Most Hated, for that line. It got redeemed, when I put it up on the original Crappy Chorus thread, and someone came back and told me what the the lyrics could be translated as (they're from Songs of Solomon) [Wink]

Viki

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266

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Don't be shy viki. [Wink]

His banner over me is love is about a man on top of a woman during sex.

I mean who's stupid idea was to put into a song....

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

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Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

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God's.

Or Solomon's.

(Gives me the giggles though - I'd love to sing the literal translation.)

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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266

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I mean put into a worship song....

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

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Robert Porter-Miller

Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459

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I heard a song over the weekend - "I could sing unending songs" etc., etc., which has the line

"And we're so happy"

Why the hell are Christians supposed to be happy all the time with a big cheesy grin and a smile and everythings happppppppyyyyyyyy [Sunny]

[Flaming] [Mad] [Flaming]

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Father Gregory

Orthodoxy
# 310

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theology-lite ... theology-lite ...

Jesus wants us to be comfy in him, undisturbed by bad things or having to think.

[Projectile] [Puke] [Projectile]

--------------------
Yours in Christ
Fr. Gregory
Find Your Way Around the Plot
TheOrthodoxPlot™

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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266

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How big is your chip Fr G?

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012

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quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
How big is your chip Fr G?

Want some salt to go with it?

How about vinegar?

Viki

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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”

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Father Gregory

Orthodoxy
# 310

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My bullshit detector is just fine thank you very much.

--------------------
Yours in Christ
Fr. Gregory
Find Your Way Around the Plot
TheOrthodoxPlot™

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Robert Porter-Miller

Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459

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Thanks Fr. Gregory - I knew it - but are most of the choruses we sing not theologically lite anyway?

*BEGIN RANT*

This is just so lite that it floats. Why can't we sing songs that are real!

"If I were a butterfly I'd thank you God that I could fly!"

or

"I've got joy like a fountain I've got peace like a river I've got love like an ocean in my soul"

Do we feel children let alone kids are unable to understand theology!

*END RANT*

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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys

Let's all "Release Some Tension"

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ChristinaMarie
Shipmate
# 1013

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quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
How big is your chip Fr G?

Fr G is Orthodox.

He uses VALVES, silly! [Big Grin]

Christina

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Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266

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I am so glad Fr G it will be needed on a bit of self-assessment.

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

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Father Gregory

Orthodoxy
# 310

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Dear Robert

What do you mean, "we"? [Wink]

--------------------
Yours in Christ
Fr. Gregory
Find Your Way Around the Plot
TheOrthodoxPlot™

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Chapelhead*

Ship’s Photographer
# 1143

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This might have been posted previously (but I don't recall it) - there are various goodies here, and I particularly liked this one.

Keep me truckin' for the Lord.

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Benedikt Gott Geschickt!

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Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

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Misses out several vital verses:

Give me wax on my board, keep me surfin' for the Lord

Give me batteries in my torch, keep me shining
(with the chorus 'Ever Ready, Ever Ready, Ever Ready for the King of Kings')

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

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Robert Porter-Miller

Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459

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quote:
Originally posted by Fr. Gregory:
Dear Robert

What do you mean, "we"? [Wink]

OK Theology-lite churches [Cool]

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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys

Let's all "Release Some Tension"

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Tonus_Peregrinus
Apprentice
# 3058

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[Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] I haven't laughed so much for ages! Thanks everyone. But sometimes it isn't the hymn or song itself which is bad, but the context. For example, "Lord dismiss us with thy blessing" as the first hymn, or "The day thou gavest Lord is ended" at 10 AM. [Eek!] I can no longer sing "Take my life and let it be..." with a straight face since one of my choristers dubbed it "The Suicide Song" (and suggested that it should be used for organ transplant occasions).

For those who like action songs, try "I've got knees, feet and toes", all of which lend themselves to great moves if you don't mind the music getting lost [Big Grin]

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"Prevent us O Lord in all our doings with thy most gracious favour..." BCP

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Robert Porter-Miller

Tiocfaidh Separabit
# 1459

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Do we feel adults let alone kids are unable to understand theology!

oops - typo above [Roll Eyes] - sorry, ranted too much

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It's a beautiful day - don't let it get away - Bono and the boys

Let's all "Release Some Tension"

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Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Our otherwise Mattins and Evensong vicar in the 1970s decided to pull out all the stops for the new Family Service - we had Christian words to 'The Wombles of Wimbledon Common are we' and 'Coke, it's the real thing'!

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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Aardvark
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# 2295

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The following went down well at a comedy evening at a church in our area recently. (I've left out some of the verses)

To be sung to the tune of "Jesus taught us how to be a family"

Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song
Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song
You just make the words up as you go along
Anyone can write a Graham Kendrick song

Graham Kendrick leaves out all the (clap) crucial beats
Graham Kendrick leaves out all the (clap) crucial beats
So instead of singing you can stamp your feet
Graham Kendrick leaves out all the crucial beats

As you go throughout the song you get faster
As you go throughout the song you get faster
The pianist can't keep up but then who cares about her
As you go throughout the song you get faster

Pick your favourite verse and sing it once again
Pick your favourite verse and sing it once again
That way everyone will know when you've reached the end
Pick your favourite verse and sing it once again

Pick your favourite verse etc..

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...a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?

Browning

Posts: 618 | From: just outside the M25 | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
Nightlamp
Shipmate
# 266

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The chorus I most hate and actually will be sung in hell is 'isn't he beautiful'

Anyway on the off chance that some one finds a new chorus or hymn to hate,I have decided not to delete this thread but send it to dead horses.

Nightlamp
Hellhost

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I don't know what you are talking about so it couldn't have been that important- Nightlamp

Posts: 8442 | From: Midlands | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Obnoxious Snob

Arch-Deacon
# 982

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Now that this thread resides deep down in the bowels of a dead and buried horse, I can now reveal a terrible, terrible truth about myself, sure in the knowledge that no-one will ever read it.

I have written Christian words to go with the tune to Bob the Builder specifically for our Tiny Tots service in Church. The tots think they are great- I am just deeply, deeply ashamed- there, I've have confessed and no-one will ever know.

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'The best thing we can do is to make wherever we're lost in Look as much like home as we can'

Christopher Fry

Posts: 889 | From: Kernow | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Ha!

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
David Brider
Apprentice
# 3233

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(Leaping in late to this particular thread...)

quote:
Originally posted by Lux Mundi:
Sorry if this one has already been done, but I, and my friends at University used to balk at:

'...You do all things well;
Just look at our lives.'
from 'His Banner over me is Love.


Erm, can we just clarify exactly who amongst your friends at uni balked at that particular song? I always loved it. Maybe I was just too easily pleased.

(And remind me, did we end up managing to get the ad hoc choir to sing that one at my wedding, or did they refuse?! [Big Grin] )

David.

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David Brider; a full-length adventure, too broad and too deep for the small screen.
"...God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
(Romans 5:8.)

http://davidbrider.livejournal.com

Posts: 24 | From: Chelmsford, Essex | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged



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