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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: What would YOU tell them?
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
... complete strangers (and vague acquaintances) think it's ok to touch a pregnant woman's bump ...
Really???
Yes, really. Complete strangers would come up to Mrs C in the supermarket and rub her belly. Always women of a certain age.
(And in reply to Lamb Chopped, I am addressed as "Dad" routinely by shop assistants and the like when I take my kids shopping. Quite often, they look at the toddler, and ask her what Dad thinks.)
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
...Relish each season as it comes. Sure there are wistful longings for the pleasures of bygone seasons. But they're not coming back. Relish your memories and your photos and videos, but not too much. Make sure you invest most of your energy in the season you're in.
This!
A friend put it another way by saying:
Enjoy whatever phase they're in, you can be sure there's a worse one just around the corner!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
The only person I remember daring to touch my bump was my boss's secretary, and even she stopped when I cartwheeled down the office corridor at 8 months pregnant. The two things were not unrelated.
I think I must have managed to cultivate a basilisk stare / horrified expression if anyone so much as dared to approach me to touch the bump. But I kept the bump very covered up and didn't get very big, which helped on that front, not so much travelling on the tube when I was only offered a seat twice, ever.
There is a family tradition of Paddington stares, we were all fans of the books, which might be worth cultivating.
As for advice: being tired makes morning sickness worse. I was sick for 6 months and I suspect it was because I was so tired and my body was telling me to slow down.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
Oh, now that's a separate thing -- getting them to give you a seat on the bus/train. Be remorseless in ousting that businessman or slouching teen; you are hugely pregnant and/or carrying an infant and you deserve a seat. Do not hesitate to say that you feel faint, or that the baby is going to spew, or that his diarrhea is really getting out of hand and you don't want brown fluids to drip on that teen's cell. Too soon, all too soon, the baby will be a tot, and all the passengers will glare at you.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
I think I must have managed to cultivate a basilisk stare / horrified expression if anyone so much as dared to approach me to touch the bump.
I worked in Edinburgh while I was pregnant, and each year for the entire month of August while the Festival was on I had plenty of practice developing a DILLIWAFFYS* stare, which came in very handy as the bump got bigger, so I didn't actually experience the bump-groping myself, fortunately. I heard plenty of stories from friends though of it happening, with complete strangers and vague acquaintances not even remotely considering it might be inappropriate or unwelcome.
*Do I Look Like I Want A Flyer For Your Show?
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
My sons were born mid-70s. I did not experience this touching of the bump at all. I wonder who thought it was just fine to invade personal space like that. They would have had more than a glare from me.
However, this touching is something you should tell your daughter about.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Didn't have the bump touching though I know it happens a lot, but DID have a woman with a very loud voice and a young daughter decide to use me as a sex ed example while standing in line in a bookstore! I mean, can't you find a poster or something?
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
I will warn her that Paddington's Hard Stare* may need to be deployed - though I must say, in the eighties when I was pregnant, no-one ever tried to touch my bump, enormous though it was ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Mrs. S, cringing at the very thought!
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Moo
Ship's tough old bird
# 107
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Didn't have the bump touching though I know it happens a lot, but DID have a woman with a very loud voice and a young daughter decide to use me as a sex ed example while standing in line in a bookstore! I mean, can't you find a poster or something?
I had a very pleasant experience with a woman from India whom I knew. She had her two young sons with her, and she said to them, "Auntie has a baby growing inside her. Isn't she lucky?" There was no one nearby to overhear this, and it made me feel great.
Moo
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Kerygmania host
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See you later, alligator.
Posts: 20365 | From: Alleghany Mountains of Virginia | Registered: May 2001
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the famous rachel
Shipmate
# 1258
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jack the Lass:
I can't speak for how the father might experience this, but from my experience as a mother, I was completely floored for a while by the change in my identity.
I really agree with this, and the rest of JtL's post.
If I knew the former Miss S well and if I felt she was struggling with this loss of identity and other challenges of new motherhood my first piece of advice would be telling her that lots of women feel like this, and it doesn't mean they are a mad or bad mother.
I might then tell her one of the few helpful things that anyone said to me during this period: you have to stop hoping things will get "back to normal", and instead go "forward to normal". Things have changed a lot, and the old "normal" is not coming back, but there will eventually be a new normal, and for most people that new normal whilst different is just as satisfying as the old one. It may take you a while to find it, but it will come.
This is basically the same advice as Mousethief's much more poetic comments about seasons which come and go. The thing I like about this particular phrasing though, is that it acknowledges the genuinely unsettling nature of the first few weeks with a new baby, and it doesn't imply even in the slightest that you should be enjoying it.
Hopefully, the former Miss S will enjoy every minute and won't need this advice! If it does turn out to be relevant, the other thing which helped me was making contact with a "Specialist Health Visitor in Infant Mental Health". That sounds odd, but what it turned out to mean in my case was a fortnightly visit from a very sensible, experienced health visitor, who helped me to ensure that the fact that I had a certain degree of post-natal depression did not prevent me from developing a close relationship with my son. This NHS service doesn't appear to be available everywhere, and I suspect I was only able to access it because of some particular issues in my past which made me apparently of slightly greater concern than other women suffering from low mood. Nonetheless, if the issue arises, it is worth enquiring about.
Sorry to put a dampener on things, but the fact that I felt isolated and as if I was the only person not coping with my new identity means that I feel it is important to be open about my experiences when the opportunity arises.
Best wishes,
Rachel.
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A shrivelled appendix to the body of Christ.
Posts: 912 | From: In the lab. | Registered: Aug 2001
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif) Rachel
Thank you so much.
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Beethoven
Ship's deaf genius
# 114
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Posted
Following on from what the famous rachel said, I'd add that if Miss S (or indeed the Mr-Miss-S) finds herself strugging at all, she should be willing to accept offers of help. I found this a really hard lesson to learn - pride means we always want to put a brave face on and show we can cope - but actually accepting my vulnerability meant that I learned to value other people in new ways, and they were able to demonstrate their care for me in ways that were truly helpful. This doesn't mean saying yes to everyone and everything, but not being afraid to accept offers that are genuinely helpful.
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Who wants to be a rock anyway?
toujours gai!
Posts: 1309 | From: Here (and occasionally there) | Registered: May 2001
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Ferijen
Shipmate
# 4719
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Posted
I would say investigate shared parental leave. Amazing to give my husband the chance to spend time with him. And returning to work when he was six months old was hard hard hard but it took about two hours to remember my identity which, as JtL points out, can get lost in a haze of maternity.
Posts: 3259 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2003
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the famous rachel
Shipmate
# 1258
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Beethoven:
Following on from what the famous rachel said, I'd add that if Miss S (or indeed the Mr-Miss-S) finds herself strugging at all, she should be willing to accept offers of help. I found this a really hard lesson to learn - pride means we always want to put a brave face on and show we can cope - but actually accepting my vulnerability meant that I learned to value other people in new ways, and they were able to demonstrate their care for me in ways that were truly helpful. This doesn't mean saying yes to everyone and everything, but not being afraid to accept offers that are genuinely helpful.
I agree! I found it reasonably easy to accept practical help ("Yes -it would be lovely if you brought us over a casserole") but much more difficult to talk about how I was really feeling, find out if other Mums were feeling the same, and find a way to ask for and accept help on all of that. I'm still not sure I would find a way to ask for and accept help if I were in the same situation again to be honest.
All of that said... I'm now a very happy mum of an (I hope) equally happy four year old, which is evidence that however hard I found the early days, these things do indeed pass!
Best wishes,
Rachel.
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A shrivelled appendix to the body of Christ.
Posts: 912 | From: In the lab. | Registered: Aug 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
[tangent ON]
Crikey - it seems like five minutes since you announced the arrival of The Famous Baby on the new arrivals thread.
Doesn't time fly?
[/tangent OFF]
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I'm sure you wouldn't, Mrs S, because you sound lovely, but on the subject of being overwhelmed - one thing just about tipped me over the edge in the first month and it was Thank You letters.
I took me a while to make my mother a grandmother. For many years before I had my first, Mum had been sending "Congratulations" cards to other people's children, and she'd always picked up a little something at the supermarket - a two-pack of socks, or a bib, nothing expensive, to go with the card.
When I had the North East Loon, everyone reciprocated! I ended up with 78 gifts, of which about 30 were two-packs of socks, and almost 30 were bibs. Some of them were from people I'd never heard of. Mum expected me to hand write a proper thank you letter for each one. Those 78 hand written letters just about did for me. Progress was slow, and Mum was getting increasing anxious as the days went on, and the thank you letters were just trickling out from the North East home. She kept regaling me with tales of other, better, new mothers who had received a two-pack of socks and whose thank you letter to my mother was posted by return.
Don't do this! Don't hassle a new mother with some huge task she hadn't expected. If the former Miss S is latchy with her thank you letters, or some other random task she hadn't anticipated, step back.
I really wish some Voice of Sanity had told me that failing to hand write 78 thank you letters within the first month did not mean that I was a failure.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
On the thank you notes--if she was raised as I was, failure to send them (promptly!) will haunt her regardless of what anybody says. Which is why she might want to get the bloody things started now (meaning, buy stationery, prepare a list--hopefully for a third party to fill in), pull as many addresses together as possible of family and friends (useful for Christmas cards etc. later too!) and buy stamps. If she's either eager or paranoid, she can actually write most of the notes:
quote:
Dear [blank],
What a lovely [blank]! Thank you so much for your kindness to our baby. We will certainly remember you every time we use it.
Love, [Name]
This is going to horrify the purists in so many ways, but it's better than total failure, which is what I did. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Of course, Dad could write thankyou notes ....
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
gosh, I never thought of any of that! Miss S is normally very good at that sort of thing, and yes it is she who writes the thank-you letters (isn't it everywhere!) but I must see what I can do to help in terms of little thank-you cards, printed address labels (whaddya want, blood?) and stamps!
(I did warn her not to be many (any?) first-size things as that was what people would buy!)
Rachel and LC, that is all hugely useful and probably not what I would have thought to tell them. Thank you all ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif) (and thank you, NEQ, for your kind words )
Mrs. S, flattered
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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the famous rachel
Shipmate
# 1258
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
[tangent ON]
Crikey - it seems like five minutes since you announced the arrival of The Famous Baby on the new arrivals thread.
Doesn't time fly?
[/tangent OFF]
I know exactly what you mean. In about 6 weeks time, he will become The Famous Schoolboy, which is frightening!
Rachel.
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A shrivelled appendix to the body of Christ.
Posts: 912 | From: In the lab. | Registered: Aug 2001
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