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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: You didn't REALLY write that, did you?
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
This was inspired by the thread about teaching in community college and the horrible--and amusing--typos we've seen. What have you got? It doesn't have to be from students.
I'll start with an oldie but goodie: we got regular references to "away in a manager" (particularly apt when the layoffs hit at Christmas time).
There were also "pastors of salivation" (read: "pastures of salvation").
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
My mother the school teacher was happy to tell the time her less than impressive principal made a P.A. statement warning students not to conjugate in the halls.
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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Kaplan Corday
Shipmate
# 16119
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
My mother the school teacher was happy to tell the time her less than impressive principal made a P.A. statement warning students not to conjugate in the halls.
Did he/she mean congregate or copulate?
I remember a description by, or about, a missionary who stepped into a volatile situation and placarded the natives.
Posts: 3355 | Registered: Jan 2011
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
There were also "pastors of salivation" (read: "pastures of salvation").
Despite my teenage snickering and mocking, my grandmother never dropped the habit of referring to "The Salivation Army."
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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M.
Ship's Spare Part
# 3291
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Posted
I think I've mentioned on board before the standard-form contract I reviewed which promised ex-pat workers housing with sewage.
M.
Posts: 2303 | From: Lurking in Surrey | Registered: Sep 2002
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
I once telephoned someone with an urgent message that he needed to check the spelling of the job he'd posted online.
While plenty of people think theirs is, I'm reasonably certain he didn't mean to advertise for an Acocunt Manager.
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
I was emailing a friend yesterday about a mutual acquaintance who has just got engaged. I asked if she had met the young man in question.
"Yes", she replied, "he's a locket guy". This conjured up all sorts of bizarre images in my mind - sadly, it was the predictive text on her phone speaking for her. She'd meant to say, "He's a lovely guy"!
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
...and for the umpteenth time I'll drag out the hoary old chestnut about the spellchecker that insisted I wanted to turn "Latvia" into "labia"... in an essay about Latvia!
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
The proximity of the U and I on a standard keyboard is the source of many a typo.
For example, when issuing an announcement that, due to a UK bank holiday we would not be working on a particular day I recall sending an email that said something like:
"Please note the office will be shit on Monday..."
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
I still remember with amusement the Ash Wednesday bulletin encouraging us to prepent.
Actually, that's not a bad idea, is it?
O Lord, I'm so sorry for this sin that I'm thinking about committing tomorrow. Amen.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
In my last job for years we employed a retired headteacher, who once ran a school in the Toxteth area of Liverpool, to do race equality training and she knew her stuff but insisted on using the word pacific when she really meant specific - it drove me scatty!
Eventually we rewrote the programme and delivered it ourselves.
And then, of course, there is the famous misprint of the daily bulletin at the 1976 Quaker Yearly Meeting in Exeter that referred to The Religious Society of Fiends!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
A friend picked up her ordination invitations from the print shop and was startled to find she was being ordained into the "Scared Order of Deacons."
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
A friend picked up her ordination invitations from the print shop and was startled to find she was being ordained into the "Scared Order of Deacons."
What makes you think it was a typo? ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
When I was in law school, our law review published an article by a learned judge encouraging more "pubic service."
And, years later, a colleague discovered to his embarrassment that, when he was asking for a hearing date to be continued, he had filed a "Motion for Continence."
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Bene Gesserit
Shipmate
# 14718
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Posted
The spellchecker at w*rk always replaces the first 'e' in 'wellies' with an 'i'.
We have more than once been implored to make sure that our willies are clean when we return from a site visit...
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Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Posts: 405 | From: Flatlands of the East | Registered: Apr 2009
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Stetson
Shipmate
# 9597
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Posted
I once met a guy who went on a big rant about drug dealers, and how they should be "persecuted" for their crimes. When I asked if he meant "prosecuted", he corrected himself, and said that that was indeed what he meant.
Wouldn't be that funny a story, except that the guy also claimed to be a lawyer.
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I have the power...Lucifer is lord!
Posts: 6574 | From: back and forth between bible belts | Registered: Jun 2005
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Badger Lady
Shipmate
# 13453
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Posted
The Midnight Mass booklet at my mother's old church contained the following line of the final verse if O come all Ye Faithful [best imagined sung at full pelt with sopranos soaring/screeching the descent]
"Sin choirs of Angels..." ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
Posts: 340 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2008
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
In the service leaflet of a University carol service in Southampton many years ago: "All meanly wrapped in Swaythling bands, and in a manger laid" (Swaythling is a city suburb close to the University, where several halls of residence are situated). This was long before the days of predictive texting and spellcheckers!
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I got into huge trouble for missing a typo in a national magazine where one of the Great and the Good was discussing action in the pubic square...
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
The Daily Telegraph published an obituary of a very brave and distinguished Army officer but unfortunately described him as a "Battle-scared" veteran. That was clearly an error so in the errata next day Major ***** was described as a "Bottle-scarred" veteran.
Not a lot better, but I suppose that could have been true, given the high jinks in the typical Officers' Mess.
The most unfortunate predictive text suggestion must be for a now retired co-worker named "Samhan", whose name was transformed by Outlook to "Sadism".
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504
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Posted
I heard that a local councillor referred to "this splendid orifice" when opening the new comprehensive school in our town around 40 years ago. Having gone to that school, "orifice" might have been the correct description.
(Another local councillor, again about 40 years ago, was waxing lyrical about the beauties of a local pond. Another councillor, tongue in cheek, suggested that there be a gondola on the pond. The first councillor picked up on this, and suggested that there should be two as they might breed.)
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"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)
Posts: 3333 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
I was watching the local TV news, some years ago. It was August and they were having a scare about the Listeria bacterium, which had infested the local waterways and was causing ugly lesions on fish. Lots of nasty footage of oozy trout on the lines of worried local fishermen.
Anyway the local news anchors were clearly reading the breaking copy as it was being keyed into their screens. Over and over they said, "Dangerous micro-orgasms in local waters!" "Can fish infected with these micro-orgasms be safely eaten?" "Local authorities comment upon lethal micro-orgasms, footage at 11!"
My husband and I almost rolled on the carpet, laughing, and the kids thought we were mad.
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
I've just written to someone at work thanking him for being a 'good lie manager' this year.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Writing a service program in my very limited Spanish, I wrote in the confession "We are not sorry for our sins." When it came time for the service there were some startled looks and everyone stopped praying.
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
I think there is a word missing from the packaging that the latest RSPB magazine comes in. It says:
quote:
Together we could double the homes that nature needs
so if nature is short of 20,000 homes we should reduce the number available so it is short of 40,000? Or am I reading it wrong?
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549
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Posted
I'm surprised we haven't yet had the Greenbelt eucharist at which we sang praying for an end to poverty, Some day soon there'll be fields for the poo.
[ 16. July 2015, 21:58: Message edited by: Dafyd ]
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we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams
Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:
I'm surprised we haven't yet had the Greenbelt eucharist at which we sang praying for an end to poverty, Some day soon there'll be fields for the poo.
Isn't Greenbelt held at a racecourse? There must be plenty of fields of poo therabouts.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
One of the former secretaries at my church was unchurched. She carried on remarkably well until the first time she typed The Apostle's Creed to be shown on the big screen (which covers the organ chambers, but that's another subject.)
When she came to the line, "I believe in the holy catholic church", she thought it was a suggestion. So, the congregation dutifully read, "I believe in the holy Methodist church", including the pastor who looked at me in horror.
From then on, she let me proof most of her documents.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Spell check may be responsible for a Venerable becoming Venereal, or at least that's what we charitably thought.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Spell check may be responsible for a Venerable becoming Venereal, or at least that's what we charitably thought.
Would that be referring to an Archdemon?
![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
There's a fairly well-documented story of the order of service for something important at St. Paul's or Westminster Abbey or similar, where one of the hymns was listed as "Immoral, invisible, God only wise".
Not to mention the Wicked Bible, in which the word "not" was left out of the sentence Thou shalt not commit adultery ... ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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basso
Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228
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Posted
We've seen lots of coverage of the New Horizons probe to the not-planet Pluto. Thrilling stuff.
Along for the ride is a sample of the ashes of Pluto's discoverer, Clyde Tombaugh.
The inscription on the canister begins,
"Interned herein are remains of American Clyde W. Tombaugh...", which isn't quite what they meant.
Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003
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Kaplan Corday
Shipmate
# 16119
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Posted
The last church we attended was quite theologically conservative, but any closet sceptics in our midst would have been pleased with a home-produced hymn sheet from which we sang about the crucifiction.
Posts: 3355 | Registered: Jan 2011
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
I loved the 'shining thong' of angels we sang about at a Scout Carol Service a few years ago!
On the Telegraph website - 'Striking French ferry workers mutiny on ship by looting the bar and spraying graffiti over job losses'. I think they could have sold tickets - I've never seen anything sprayed over a job loss, have you?
Mrs S, snickering
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
I wondered about that one in the Torygraph, Mrs. S!
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Kaplan Corday:
The last church we attended was quite theologically conservative, but any closet sceptics in our midst would have been pleased with a home-produced hymn sheet from which we sang about the crucifiction.
connection / connexion
reflection / reflexion
complection / complexion
It's not unreasonable to expect crucifiction to be an acceptable spelling. Unfortunately, English has never been entirely reasonable.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504
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Posted
Our church once had a service of Evensnog.
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"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)
Posts: 3333 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
Our church once had a service of Evensnog.
Before or after Matings?
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Cottontail
Shipmate
# 12234
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Posted
I am she who once, on this very page, posted a recipe which included "two egg shites". ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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"I don't think you ought to read so much theology," said Lord Peter. "It has a brutalizing influence."
Posts: 2377 | From: Scotland | Registered: Jan 2007
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Chocoholic
Shipmate
# 4655
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Posted
Yesterday I wrote a letter saying a someone was experiencing light-headedness, a slight typo made my spell checker try to change it to big-headedness. That could have been awkward.
Posts: 773 | From: London | Registered: Jun 2003
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MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228
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Posted
In the last paragraph of this online newspaper article (http://thenewdaily.com.au/news/2015/07/17/prince-philip-who-do-you-sponge-off/) you can read some startling news: "Prince Philip, the oldest-ever member of the British royal family, married Queen Victoria (who is his third cousin) in 1947." (I quoted it in case someone corrects the original....)
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MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade
Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005
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not entirely me
Shipmate
# 17637
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Bene Gesserit:
The spellchecker at w*rk always replaces the first 'e' in 'wellies' with an 'i'.
We have more than once been implored to make sure that our willies are clean when we return from a site visit...
My colleague encountered this problem when emailing HR about inspecting the new building. HR were very amused and my colleague was mortified about whether or not he needed willies to look around.
Posts: 68 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2013
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not entirely me
Shipmate
# 17637
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
Our church once had a service of Evensnog.
This has made my day!!!!
Posts: 68 | From: England | Registered: Apr 2013
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Happened not to me but a friend - and I've seen the offending Order of Service.
Lovely but impoverished young couple, for whom English was not their first language, got married in one of our larger churches and the priest who took the service offered to sing while they were signing the registers (which was being supervised by the 'registrar' priest).
Young organist plays intro and waits for soloist to sing - nothing; works his way round to the beginning again, plays intro and - nothing. A member of the choir goes to investigate and finds the singing priest helpless with mirth in a side aisle; using sign language manages to ascertain he'll be ready to sing in around 5 minutes.
Music goes around again after 5 minutes and, after a somewhat shaky start, the priest sings beautifully and all is well.
So what happened? Well, just before he was due to sing he thought he'd better hold something and so grabbed a copy of the Order of Service where he read during the signing of the registers Fr Pat will sing Penis Angelicus.
Well, could YOU manage to sing after that?? ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
These gems are from a bulletin, yes one single bulletin from around Christmas Time. I used to play there, being in need of some kind of income: - I came upon the midnight clear
- I wander as I wander
- ...tow young pigones
- Away in a manager
- ...on these elements of bread and juice
And this one that I enjoyed immensely: the day was named The First Sunday After Advent
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by not entirely me:
quote:
Originally posted by St. Gwladys:
Our church once had a service of Evensnog.
This has made my day!!!!
We used to have a Shipmate named Evensnog, who hasn't posted in about 8 years. (Not to be confused, of course, with our active Shipmate, Evensong.)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Kaplan Corday
Shipmate
# 16119
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Well, just before he was due to sing he thought he'd better hold something and so grabbed a copy of the Order of Service where he read during the signing of the registers Fr Pat will sing Penis Angelicus.
Perhaps he could have chosen another hymn, such as Fill Thou My Life, with its moving lines: "Praise in the common things of life,/Its goings out and in"?
Posts: 3355 | Registered: Jan 2011
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MSHB:
... "Prince Philip, the oldest-ever member of the British royal family, married Queen Victoria (who is his third cousin) in 1947." (I quoted it in case someone corrects the original....)
I clicked on the link - it's still there!
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
I sent a text recently, after a friend and I had bought twelve bottles of alcohol online. We bought crema.
My text autocorrected thus....
"Dear Jane, your six crematorium arrived today. Can you or Tom pick them up. Love Rowen."
Tom read the message, and was apparently massively confused.
Understandably.
[ 20. July 2015, 03:08: Message edited by: Rowen ]
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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