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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Messages you don't want to find in a fortune cookie
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Truman White
Shipmate
# 17290
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Posted
Inspired by a bit of fun I was having in a Purg thread. You open your cookie, read the text and the last thing you wanted it to say was....
"You just got selected for the hunger games"
"This cookies has been reserved for Roy Keane"
.......
Posts: 476 | Registered: Aug 2012
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Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549
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Posted
By opening this fortune cookie you absolve the makers of said fortune cookie of all liability for any food poisoning or other ailments you may contract subsequent to eating this fortune cookie.
Help! I'm trapped in a fortune cookie factory.
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we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams
Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
To quote from the immortal Return of the Pink Panther:
Beware of Japanese waitress bearing fortune cookies.
Not now, Kato!
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
I am a shapeshifting alien cunningly disguised as a piece of paper, and I have just farted.
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
Hello. I want to play a game.
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330
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Posted
These are roulette fortune cookies: we never washed our hands after using the toilet.
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arse
Posts: 10697 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
One I actually got:
Your future is in your own hands.
Then what the fuck did I eat a fortune cookie for?
[ 25. November 2015, 05:26: Message edited by: Timothy the Obscure ]
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
In a series of fortune cookies:
"Blink and you're dead"
"Don't turn your back"
"Don't look away"
"And, DON'T BLINK"
"Good luck"
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
Sorry - we did our best.
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
We're waiting for you.
Actually, you could do an update of MR James' Casting the Runes set in a Chinese restaurant...
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
Stay where you are and no one gets hurt; we are coming for you.
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
.
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
It's behind you...
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
Congratulations, you've won a free ticket to "An evening with Jim Davidson in conversation with Paris Hilton"!
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
Not valid if seal is broken.
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Untouched by human hand. We use chimps instead.
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Try not to make him nervous.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330
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Posted
Well done, you have now proven what happens when the cookie crumbles: the world ends.
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arse
Posts: 10697 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
By opening this, you have launched a full scale nuclear attack on China. Well done.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
The person you came with....they're not human.
Act natural.
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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mr cheesy
Shipmate
# 3330
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Posted
For those not versed in Mandarin, that apparently means "Learning Mandarin".
In that vein:
哈哈，你的英语是疯了，如果你觉ô 71;这真的是在中国的事情
(Ha ha, you English-speakers are crazy if you think this is a thing in China). As translated by google.
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arse
Posts: 10697 | Registered: Sep 2002
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
You had your chance.
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Don't drink the tea. Trust me on this one.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Ramarius
Shipmate
# 16551
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Posted
Super-glue impregnated paper [sample]
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'
Posts: 950 | From: Virtually anywhere | Registered: Jul 2011
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TurquoiseTastic
Fish of a different color
# 8978
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Posted
REJECTED: Unfit for human consumption - DO NOT SHIP
Posts: 1092 | From: Hants., UK | Registered: Jan 2005
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
This message will violently self-destruct in three, two, one …
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Bene Gesserit
Shipmate
# 14718
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Posted
100% recycled bathroom tissue
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Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus
Posts: 405 | From: Flatlands of the East | Registered: Apr 2009
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
*YOU* are a prisoner in a fortune cookie factory. Mwahahahaha!
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
These boxer shorts inspected by #477
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
This item has provided work for the Japanese leper colony.
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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David Goode
Shipmate
# 9224
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Posted
Made from 100% recycled materials by Soylent Corporation.
[ 27. November 2015, 13:42: Message edited by: David Goode ]
Posts: 654 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Mar 2005
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Tattoo this on your girlfriend's back and every Chinese person who sees it will wet themselves laughing.
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
The one who reads this is cursed. Every piece of music you will ever hear from now on will sound to you exactly like the Crazy Frog ringtone.
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
Congratulations! This is a free pass to a Bruno Mars concert!
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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
The strychnine in the dim sum should be kicking in about now.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Don't eat the cookie part. You won't believe what they put in them. I know. I work here.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Alex Cockell
Ship’s penguin
# 7487
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Posted
Trust noone. Keep your laser handy. The Computer is your friend.
Posts: 2146 | From: Reading, Berkshire UK | Registered: Jun 2004
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
That wasn't chicken.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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