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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Christmas (and other holiday) logistics
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
Anyone else having problems sorting out the conflicting demands of various branches of their family when it comes to holiday get-togethers?
We're having problems with the conflicting needs of both our mothers this year. Not quite sure how it will get resolved.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
Sarasa, my mother decided it was not the day but the gathering that was important. She did not like the conflict and she preferred seeing her young grandchildren when they weren't tired and cranky. She declared that her side of the family would choose another day.
Many years later, we still do this, even though another generation is now on the scene. The gathering for my side of the family is a week before Christmas, although some years it has been earlier. The side that insisted on Christmas day no longer meets as a group. Some have died, others live overseas etc.
I would prefer something after Advent has finished but then all the family knows I am peculiar like that! I go along with the group.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Several times I have considered splitting myself down the middle and sending myself in different directions. This applies as much to other occasions such as Mothering Sunday and Father's Day, as Christmas. To solve the problem, I started holding all major occasions at my house. Then, as many family members as want to / are able to come around, and we catch up with the stragglers later. Yes, I get tired, and am so busy my feet hardly touch the ground, but we all have a good time and that is what really matters. Family times are too special to fall out over.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Sipech
Shipmate
# 16870
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Posted
I've considered sending my family to ACAS for the annual negotiations. Everyone has their own difficulties. My parents are getting fairly elderly and don't want to travel much. Both my sisters have young families so they don't want to drive all over the country. Though I don't have children, I don't have private transport so have to travel everywhere by train or by coach (the former of which often fails around Christmas time). The other thorn is the rule from my mother, who is very much the matriarch, that no one is allowed to spend Christmas day by themselves, nomatter how inconvenient that is.
This last part means that I'll be spending Christmas Eve at Victoria coach station, travel to my sister's (she and her family won't be there), get a key off the neighbour and sit and look after the dogs for the evening until she, her husband and her children get back late at night.
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I try to be self-deprecating; I'm just not very good at it.
Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheAlethiophile
Posts: 3791 | From: On the corporate ladder | Registered: Jan 2012
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
I choose where to go for Christmas, if I don't decide to stay home. If I do go, it is seldom to family, but often to friends. If any family came to me, I think I would collapse in shock.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
People feel so sorry for me around Thanksgiving and Christmas because I have no biological family. Then they start talking about all the hassles of "having" to go one place or another, or dealing with difficult relatives, etc. etc. And I thank my lucky stars that I have no family obligations and can share the holiday with friends (usually) or celebrate by myself (occasionally).
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Pine Marten
Shipmate
# 11068
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Posted
When the first Mr Marten, his father, and my mother were all still alive we always spent Christmas with his parents and New Year with mine. It was always a bit of an endurance test. Since the oldies have mostly died now it has become easier (sorry if that sounds a bit callous...).
Last year my son came to stay with us for a few days over Christmas; his girlfriend went back to her parents for the same few days; they went back home afterwards and had another Christmas celebration together in their own flat. Sounded good to me. They are doing the same this year - and due to transport difficulties & work my two daughters aren't usually able to come to us, so we see each other before Christmas and exchange prezzies, etc. Seems to work fine and we're all happy ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. - Oscar Wilde
Posts: 1731 | From: Isle of Albion | Registered: Feb 2006
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
I stopped looking as forward to Christmas some years ago when the children were grown and my wife's parents were dead. After my mother died, I started to babysit my father and actually got to know and like him. But we never know if it will be just the 3 of us, or if we'll end up with the children and their <whatever you're supposed to call their live-in or not-live-in love interests>. We have no say in much of any of it except if we decide to go somewhere. Which starts sounding more and more attractive.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
My son and daughter-in-law work in the theatre and have shows on both Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. They stay with d-in-l's elderly Gran and will do Christmas with her. We may get a flying visit one weekend before or after Christmas.
Two years ago we had a full Christmas dinner with them on November 24th - it was the only way we could do it. (Wife and I had our own on December 25th).
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
I'm very fortunate in that Daughter-Unit's M-i-L (J) and I are friends. We normally have Thanksgiving together here and celebrate Christmas together at J's house on New Year's Day or Eve, which ever works best for the kids' schedules.
It works very well for us!
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Sarasa
Shipmate
# 12271
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Posted
I think our problem has been resolved. We are taking my mum to my MiL's for Christmas. Great relief all round.
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'I guess things didn't go so well tonight, but I'm trying. Lord, I'm trying.' Charlie (Harvey Keitel) in Mean Streets.
Posts: 2035 | From: London | Registered: Jan 2007
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
One friend married a Jewish man, no holiday conflicts!
Some years I call around the country asking various relatives can I come join you for the holiday; the answer is "no, but love to see you a month later." Partly there's the myth of holiday time being just for family to build family memories, partly there's a lack of space to house another person when the kids come home.
Couple years ago I invited people for Christmas morning, a dozen said yes, four showed up. I said "pot luck brunch" but everyone said they would bring sweets and refused to budge so I provided the whole meal not yet knowing if I was feeding 6 or 20. (They were each wanting to bring something festive; salad or sausage doesn't scream "festive food.") One voiced what was surely true of all -- this isn't where I want to be for Christmas, if anyone family calls and says "come" I'm outta here to be with family.
A good time was had, but holidays are just plain not easy. Family or not family, holidays are not easy.
I've visited places where a holiday celebration is out in the streets, people in loose family groupings are inter-mingled with the whole community instead of closed off in separate spaces limiting who (and how many) you are with.
Community based celebration wouldn't solve the "which city do we go to this year?" problem, but it would resolve the "which house do we go to Christmas Eve?" because the answer would be "neither, we go to the village square." Alas, that's not the culture where I live.
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
The worst think I find is hosting a busy family day when I'm so tired. I used to somehow do Hospital carols, Midnight Mass and then get up early for the early morning Eucharist before doing Christmas Lunch (all over in time for the Queen). But now I'm a little more realistic and skip the Christmas Day Eucharist. More chance of me actually being awake to join in some of the fun.
It's easier for me being in the choir than it is for the priest, I keep reminding myself! (Although I have a sneaking suspicion it's not the priest him/herself that actually cooks the Lunch.)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Celtic Knotweed
Shipmate
# 13008
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Posted
We have to juggle 2 sets of relatives living in different areas. My immediate family is all within about 1 hour of us (or 10 miles for parents & brother!), although the wider batch is up to 500 miles north; but Sandemaniac's family are a 2-3 hour drive away. Add in that I have problems getting more than a couple of days leave over Christmas/New Year due to minimum staffing levels, and it gets tricky. (Sandemaniac's workplaces have generally shut down for those days, so he hasn't had that issue).
The last few years we've seen one family for a Christmas Day do, and the other a couple of days later. Not sure what'll happen this year as I only have the weekend and Bank Holidays off, and Mother Maniac has pointed out that it's about time we saw them on the day... I might be glad of the nice relaxing office by December 29th. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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My little sister is riding 100k round London at night to raise money for cancer research donations here if you feel so inclined.
Posts: 664 | From: between keyboard and chair | Registered: Sep 2007
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Since we've been in Newfoundland we've developed a tradition of having Christmas dinner with friends from the choir. The Cathedral gives D. a turkey, so we give it to our friend, who cooks it. There are usually several others there too, who don't have family commitments, and it's a very jolly affair.
We've never really had the "which set of parents to go to" dilemma, as for D. Christmas Day is a working day (and for me, as I'm in the choir); for the first few years after we married my parents would come over to Belfast for Christmas and we'd go to D's parents for New Year.
As I'm Scottish and they live in the south of England, this wasn't an entirely satisfactory arrangement - one year we were driving through the Blackwall Tunnel at the stroke of midnight, which is about as un-festive as you can get ... ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Banner Lady
Ship's Ensign
# 10505
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Posted
My 97 yr old mum is in a nursing home and while she hates to go out at all, it is expected we will not be leaving her there for Christmas day. So she will come for lunch to our house, along with any other family who are not needed elsewhere. She eats little and tires easily, so it will not be a barrel of fun.
We have always had our main hot Christmas meal on Christmas Eve, as that is far more sensible in the hot Australian summer. I would cook, one token present would be opened, and then any who wished would come with me to midnight mass. But all four daughters now have partners, and things have changed.
Two of my girls are married to Europeans whose families do massive Christmas Day food-to-the-eyeballs productions and it is mandatory for them to be there. My plain Christmas Eve roast and berry fruit salad is poor indeed alongside these dedicated foodies. Add to the fact there are four toddlers who have an early bedtime, and Christmas Eve dinner has become a bit of a fizzer.
This year, one of our daughters who is married to a very good cook, has volunteered to do an earlier Christmas eve dinner at her place so that the little ones can be in bed at the usual time. So it is all going to be a bit different, and I guess will be each Christmas from now on, until my mother dies.
For me, Christmas rejoicing happens at the midnight mass. It is what I most look forward to - so bless all you who sing and serve Christ's Mass. At least I know that will not change.
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Women in the church are not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be enjoyed.
Posts: 7080 | From: Canberra Australia | Registered: Oct 2005
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
As a single minister, who lives alone, and thousands of kms from siblings, I make my own Christmas plans.
We have church in the morning. Then I usually go to close friends for a few days.
This year, I will be moving in the post-Christmas week. I have invited friends here. They have offered to stay and help with the move, so winners all round!
I will also invite a few single folk from church around for lunch on the day too.
It should all work out fine.
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
Thanks
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
A dear friend solved the knotty problem of (as she put it) which mother to upset at Christmas by her and her new husband spending their first Christmas alone; in subsequent years they divided their time between the 3 setes of in-laws, parental divorce adding to the logistical nightmare.
As an organist, I'm always on duty on Christmas Day and in any case I never got my head around moving children away from the home where they were expecting Father Christmas to call.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Albertus
Shipmate
# 13356
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Posted
That's pretty good, being on constant organ duty. I've similarly sometimes found nabbing a Christmas morning slot on the reading rota makes life easier.
Had rather hoped that my dad and stepmother would come here this Christmas- haven't actually had Christmas Day with him (not so bothered about spending it with her) for years. But a later invitation from my bro & his family (includes grandchildren) was preferred. Probably fair enough - likely to be much bigger and more lavish than Christmas with me, Mrs A & the dog- though I was a little bit miffed at the time.
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My beard is a testament to my masculinity and virility, and demonstrates that I am a real man. Trouble is, bits of quiche sometimes get caught in it.
Posts: 6498 | From: Y Sowth | Registered: Jan 2008
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
But a later invitation from my bro & his family (includes grandchildren) was preferred.
Grandchildren do change family dynamics. My extended family stopped doing Christmas together when the grandchildren started coming; kids no longer visit the old folks, instead the old folks go separate directions to visit the kids and grandkids, which is understandable but leaves alone any old folks whose kids are doing something on their own.
Also, I was intrigued the year I invited "anyone alone for Christmas" -- all who came had children and grandchildren within a hour or 2 drive, but no invitation to come for any part of the day. Aren't the kids teaching the grandkids by example that you don't include grandma or grandpa on a holiday? Setting up their own future exclusion.
Juggling family is work, but it's got to be healthier than the "Of course I won't see Mom on Christmas, it's a family holiday" I hear from some friends who live twenty minutes from Mom.
We need to go back to Christmas as a minor holiday! I suppose that won't ever happen.
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
Sometimes it's nicer to develop your own family rather than basing it on DNA.
But what I really dislike (Thanksgiving more than Christmas) are the sympathy invitations. If you'd like me to share your meal, I'm honored and delighted -- and happy to bring whatever I can contribute. If you're inviting me because "poor Pigwidgeon has no family," then I'm happier staying home with my dog who loves me and not because she feels sorry for me. (I'm happy to report that I've been invited to Thanksgiving by real friends and will probably invite them to Christmas at my place.)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
We are having Christmas day on the 28th as both of my sons are working on Christmas day and will be coming up after that.
We will spend Christmas day at Church, where - for the last 40 years - they have put on a full Christmas dinner for about 70 people who would otherwise be alone. They send out 40 hot dinners too. Most people give an hour, but this year we will be there much longer.
Then we'll come home and have an Indian take-away ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Albertus
Shipmate
# 13356
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Belle Ringer:
quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
But a later invitation from my bro & his family (includes grandchildren) was preferred.
...
Also, I was intrigued the year I invited "anyone alone for Christmas" -- all who came had children and grandchildren within a hour or 2 drive, but no invitation to come for any part of the day. Aren't the kids teaching the grandkids by example that you don't include grandma or grandpa on a holiday? Setting up their own future exclusion.
...
Fair play to him, my bro & his family are pretty good like that.
Posts: 6498 | From: Y Sowth | Registered: Jan 2008
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
But what I really dislike (Thanksgiving more than Christmas) are the sympathy invitations.
What I really really dislike is the sympathy invitation *at the last minute.* Anticipating the pleasure of being with a gathering instead of alone is part of the fun of a cultural holiday.
Anyway, by the night before the holiday I've already made other plans. I may far rather be with you but it's too late.
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
I have, only once, accepted a last-minute invitation and that was because of sudden illness. Mutual friends invited me along when they understood this. But stranger or acquaintance invitations are abhorrent. I would wish to remain alone in that case.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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bib
Shipmate
# 13074
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Posted
It certainly becomes more complicated once the children marry and thus have extended families. This year our nurse daughter is rostered to work as is her policeman husband. Our other daughter has been invited to her in laws and won't want two Christmas dinners. Our son who lives in Melbourne, will stay there and celebrate Christmas with his wife's family. For the very first time Mr Bib and I have decided to go to a swanky hotel for Christmas lunch after church, something he has always wanted to do. Then we will do the whole Christmas dinner at home on Boxing Day for both daughters and their families (endless streams of grandchildren). If it's a hot day they will also bring their bathers and have a swim in our pool. Hopefully, a nice relaxing day.
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"My Lord, my Life, my Way, my End, accept the praise I bring"
Posts: 1307 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2007
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
It has been a very long time since my mother died, but before she did, she was of the opinion that we should all gather at her place. When grandchildren started coming, it was trickier - and we finally told her that we would rather not come on Christmas Day. She took it badly, and I, as the then single child, had to bear the brunt of this. Listening to your mother sobbing on Christmas Day that she was all alone (I was invisible, I guess) is not a wonderful experience. Then there was the issue of turkey. We had asked her when we did gather on either Boxing Day or the next weekend if she could make a steak and kidney pie (which was a wonderful treat for all of us) we would be so thrilled. She finally agreed, and, from then on, until she sold the house, that is what we did. When she moved into a small apartment such large gatherings were impossible, and then she either drove to one of us for Christmas, or, in later years, we came and picked her up for a longish visit.
Nowadays, divorced and single and the family scattered all over, I find it easier to be alone, but I do also go to others, even to India. I have often thought of having a festive meal in a hotel, but being alone, that makes for a quick meal and even quicker departure.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Uncle Pete:
When grandchildren started coming, it was trickier
My brother and I both brought our families to my parents for Christmas a couple of years ago (he lives far enough away, and we live on a different continent, so this involves staying for a few days).
We're not doing that again - it was far too many people crammed into a normal-size house, and too much pressure on everyone to make it enjoyable.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Albertus:
... I've similarly sometimes found nabbing a Christmas morning slot on the reading rota makes life easier...
Christmas morning isn't a particularly big event with us, and covered by a "skeleton" choir. As I'm one of the bones of the skeleton, I quite often find myself on the readers' list for that service. It makes sense, as the clergy know I'll be there anyway, but D. sometimes thinks it wouldn't be a bad idea to ask someone who isn't usually there*, as it might make them turn up ...
* one of the wardens, for instance ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
The more the merrier, I think - never have had any sympathy for those who say 'oh, it'll just be the two of us'. You can do that any Sunday ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Since the generation above Mr S and myself was reduced to the Dowager, either we go there or she comes here (strictly speaking she has to be collected and brought here!). Luckily Miss S's in-laws live round the corner from here so we can share the visit - in fact last year we went to their house, which was much easier for us than having the Dowager to ourselves!
This year, the Intrepid Grandbaby is due on the 18th December, so we're going to the Dowager's (the Intrepid Great-grandmother!) with Master S, whose fiancee has the sort of family that have an immense Christmas routine set in stone, rushing from one family friend to another and so on (so she won't be there). Then the baby (born or no) can come to the Dowager's on the day, as she's at least an hour closer than anyone else
Mercifully my brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephew are also determined to come though two of them work in food retail, not ideal at Christmas. THAT will be wonderful
I always feel it isn't Christmas unless someone is sleeping on the floor...
Mrs. S, who now has to 'sell' the idea to her mother...
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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