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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:


We have a five-year-old who had obviously just been told where babies come from, standing in the church entrance dancing and singing "I'm a sperm, I'm a sperm, I'm a sperm!"

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Originally posted by cornflower:

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Originally posted by Sparrow:
Perhaps this doesn't quite belong here but this is what happened to me at church this morning. It's a hot day in London town and I was wearing my thinnest, lightest pair of linen trousers. As I was bustling around before the service helping set up, an elderly female member of the congregation came up to me and informed me she could see my pink knickers under my trousers ....

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Did you have a cardigan or something you could tie round your waist? That's like when you wear a skirt, and then realise that when you're out in bright light, it suddenly becomes kind of transparent

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Yes, the Princess Diana moment! I didn't have anything, fortunately no-one else mentioned it!




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For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life,nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Originally posted by Sparrow:

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Originally posted by cornflower:

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Originally posted by Sparrow:
Perhaps this doesn't quite belong here but this is what happened to me at church this morning. It's a hot day in London town and I was wearing my thinnest, lightest pair of linen trousers. As I was bustling around before the service helping set up, an elderly female member of the congregation came up to me and informed me she could see my pink knickers under my trousers ....

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Did you have a cardigan or something you could tie round your waist? That's like when you wear a skirt, and then realise that when you're out in bright light, it suddenly becomes kind of transparent

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Yes, the Princess Diana moment! I didn't have anything, fortunately no-one else mentioned it!

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Unless they all went home afterwards relating the awful tale to all and sundry! Still, sounds like you got away with it

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Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
I was reading an article the other day, urging the practice of going commando, precisely to avoid such moments.

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Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

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Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

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Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

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The now out-of-print book Bless Me, Father has a memorable one.

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Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Oh that brings to mind a good one, from before my time. This was back in the late '60's, when the revival movement was going strong. They had a 'modern' service at our church. Unfortunately someone decided to combine it with the annual clothing drive for the homeless, and there was a large box at the main door labeled, 'Clothing Here.' That was an -interesting- service, I am tell.

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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...

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Originally posted by mousethief:

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Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
Oh that brings to mind a good one, from before my time. This was back in the late '60's, when the revival movement was going strong. They had a 'modern' service at our church. Unfortunately someone decided to combine it with the annual clothing drive for the homeless, and there was a large box at the main door labeled, 'Clothing Here.' That was an -interesting- service, I am tell.

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Oh dear

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Originally posted by cornflower:

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

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Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

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The now out-of-print book Bless Me, Father has a memorable one.

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Oh yes, I think I've read that book. Is that the one where someone ends up vacuuming up the consecrated host that had got dropped or something...and then buried the whole vacuum cleaner? Something like that. Anyhow, the book was pretty hilarious.

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here are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

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Originally posted by cornflower:

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

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Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
There are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

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The now out-of-print book Bless Me, Father has a memorable one.

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Oh yes, I think I've read that book. Is that the one where someone ends up vacuuming up the consecrated host that had got dropped or something...and then buried the whole vacuum cleaner? Something like that. Anyhow, the book was pretty hilarious.

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Yes -- except that it turned out later that the bread crumbs were actually from the sandwiches they had for lunch.

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Originally posted by Sarasa:
Baptist Trainfan said:

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here are - allegedly - stories of RC priests who forgot to switch off their radio microphones during Confession. Very entertaining for the parishioners.

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If you wear hearing aids with a T switch and the church has a hearing loop system, there are lots of things you'll end up hearing that you wish you hadn't, like the priest going to the loo....

The worst thing i ever did was when I was reading the lesson. The church had a (very) temporary lecturn in place, a reading desk, balanced on a pile of books. I managed to knock the whole thing over while in the middle of one of St. Paul's more complicated passages.

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Oh well, I suppose it would have woken everybody up

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Originally posted by cornflower:

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
It turned out later that the bread crumbs were actually from the sandwiches they had for lunch.

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Oh, I'd forgotten that bit! I'm not sure what they have to do though if something untoward occurs in other denoms than the RC. I know that in the CoE any remaining blessed bread/wafers have to get eaten up...but I,m not sure if ny were dropped or whatever, they would have to be quite so carefulin disposing of them than in the RC...because, it's not generally seen as being literally the body of Christ. I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

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Originally posted by cornflower:
I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows? [/QB]

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Originally posted by Brenda Clough:

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Originally posted by cornflower:
I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

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Satanists, for black masses -- big in medieval times. So out of date these days. Nowadays if you want to invoke the demons everyone knows you have to cut something's throat. [/QB]

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I realised that..I just thought it might be indelicate to mention them directly
. No, my question was, if anyone knows what denoms other than RC do with any dropped bread/wafers, wine etc (once it's been consecrated I mean)

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Originally posted by Sarasa:
The worst thing i ever did was when I was reading the lesson. The church had a (very) temporary lecturn in place, a reading desk, balanced on a pile of books. I managed to knock the whole thing over while in the middle of one of St. Paul's more complicated passages.

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I'm not sure what they have to do though if something untoward occurs in other denoms than the RC. I know that in the CoE any remaining blessed bread/wafers have to get eaten up...but I,m not sure if ny were dropped or whatever, they would have to be quite so carefulin disposing of them than in the RC...because, it's not generally seen as being literally the body of Christ. I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

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Originally posted by Sarasa:
The worst thing i ever did was when I was reading the lesson. The church had a (very) temporary lecturn in place, a reading desk, balanced on a pile of books. I managed to knock the whole thing over while in the middle of one of St. Paul's more complicated passages.

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Many of Paul's passages would benefit from a little excitement!

My worst reading experience was quieter, but memorable. I was reading at Evensong on a beautiful spring evening -- such nice weather that the doors had been left open. Halfway through the Lesson a cat wandered in and -- of course -- headed straight for me. It proceeded to entwine itself around my legs for the entire reading.

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Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
cornflower:

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I'm not sure what they have to do though if something untoward occurs in other denoms than the RC. I know that in the CoE any remaining blessed bread/wafers have to get eaten up...but I,m not sure if ny were dropped or whatever, they would have to be quite so carefulin disposing of them than in the RC...because, it's not generally seen as being literally the body of Christ. I do know that certain people like to get hold of them for their own sacriligious purposes, which is rather ghastly. Maybe someone knows?

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In Piskie churches I've known, you may dispose of crumbs by sprinkling them in the garden beds where people don't walk. We think the Lord wouldn't mind feeding the sparrows and the ants but might draw the line at being walked all over or tossed in the bin. Larger pieces are eaten, of course. Or in some strange circumstance where...you just wouldn't eat it (like it fell someplace unsavory after the Blessing of the Animals), you might bury it.

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What are Piskie churches? I misread it as pixie churches first off....thought perhaps it was a church for leprechauns or something

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Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Episcopalian. Piskie sounds a little jauntier.

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Oh yes, that does sound nice....and less of a mouthful

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Originally posted by cornflower:
Everything can get so complicated , can't it? I wonder what would happen if Jesus came back down to earth and wandered about amongst our various churches. Can you imagine if He came incognito, he'd probably get chucked out of a few churches and get accused of heresy! Nothing much changes really does it?

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Originally posted by cornflower:
Everything can get so complicated , can't it? I wonder what would happen if Jesus came back down to earth and wandered about amongst our various churches. Can you imagine if He came incognito, he'd probably get chucked out of a few churches and get accused of heresy! Nothing much changes really does it?

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Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:

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Originally posted by cornflower:
Everything can get so complicated , can't it? I wonder what would happen if Jesus came back down to earth and wandered about amongst our various churches. Can you imagine if He came incognito, he'd probably get chucked out of a few churches and get accused of heresy! Nothing much changes really does it?

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It would make an interesting MW report...

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Originally posted by cornflower:
'MW'? What's that?

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

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Originally posted by cornflower:
'MW'? What's that?

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Mystery Worship

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Oh, of course!
Wow, yes, it certainly would!!!

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Originally posted by cornflower:
The last few posts sound somewhat horrifying! Potentially, at any rate.
I should think it must be quite scary for vicars baptising babies...especially if they've never handled them before. Some babies can be very wriggly or just suddenly arch their backs and sort of try and roll out of your arms, even when quite small. Perhaps they give them special lessons with babies of relatives or something, before they're let loose on the general public?

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Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

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Originally posted by cornflower:
The last few posts sound somewhat horrifying! Potentially, at any rate.
I should think it must be quite scary for vicars baptising babies...especially if they've never handled them before. Some babies can be very wriggly or just suddenly arch their backs and sort of try and roll out of your arms, even when quite small. Perhaps they give them special lessons with babies of relatives or something, before they're let loose on the general public?

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Don't forget various bodily functions that are apt to happen at the very worst times.

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Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Toddlers at baptism have been known to get the pastor in a bear hug with arms stuck up his sleeves and around his back. When this happened to Mr. Lamb, he had to get somebody else to dislodge the little monster--and ended up in the sports clinic with a shoulder injury. Then they asked him what he'd been doing to cause the damage...

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Yes, actually babies and toddlers are jolly dangerous! If you're wearing necklaces or ear-rings...especially the hoop variety, little fingers can get a very tight grip on those...and to be somewhat indelicate, if you breastfeed and your child has developed a tooth or two.... Thing is you have to extricate baby very carefully, you can't just shove them away, even if you're in agony..