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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Introverts are bloody selfish!
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Helen-Eva:
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
Hmm...in my experience, small talk about the weather can mean something or not. "Any plans this weekend?" usually does ask for at least a little information and can feel intrusive, depending on who asks.
Yes - the danger is if you say "no" then they'll say "well in that case why don't you come alligator wrestling with us" or if you say "yes" then they'll say "can we come too?"
This makes me look awful doesn't it?
But you don't have to!
Open questions are the key.
"Nothing exciting, what about you?" is a perfect answer. You are not disclosing anything but you are, at the same time, showing that you are a friendly person.
[ 18. March 2016, 16:38: Message edited by: Boogie ]
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
And then they say, "Why don't you come alligator wrestling with us? That's exciting!" ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Or if you don't want the conversation to contnue, "oh just the usual", without the reciprocal question.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
And then they say, "Why don't you come alligator wrestling with us? That's exciting!"
To which the answer is "No thank you"
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Lyda*Rose: And then they say, "Why don't you come alligator wrestling with us? That's exciting!"
The answer to this is: "Nah, thank you. This has kind of lost its excitement for me after I've done it a couple of times already."
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Helen-Eva:
Yes - the danger is if you say "no" then they'll say "well in that case why don't you come alligator wrestling with us" or if you say "yes" then they'll say "can we come too?"
This makes me look awful doesn't it?
To be honest, it makes you look worried and distrusting of other people.
Being invited to an event shouldn't be an issue, in fact, it's great that they want you to join them - but a simple 'no thank you' suffices.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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anne
Shipmate
# 73
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Posted
"Recharging my batteries" I've found a useful response to enquiries about plans. Where 'nothing much' is a negative response which might invite helpful(!) suggestions about how you could fill the void, "recharging" is more positive - and for introverts it's an accurate description of 'doing nothing much.'
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‘I would have given the Church my head, my hand, my heart. She would not have them. She did not know what to do with them. She told me to go back and do crochet' Florence Nightingale
Posts: 338 | From: Devon | Registered: May 2001
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M.
Ship's Spare Part
# 3291
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Posted
Always best at the hairdressers to ask for magazines and just read. No need to talk at all, except for the necessary 'just a tidy up, please.'
I have in the past met people I know slightly at the station in the morning and had the polite one or two words, then, when the train comes, they say, 'oh well, I sit in this carriage' and walk briskly away. That suits me just fine.
M.
Posts: 2303 | From: Lurking in Surrey | Registered: Sep 2002
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
M.: Always best at the hairdressers to ask for magazines and just read.
Er … these days if you want to read you don't need to ask for magazines.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
quote:
M.: Always best at the hairdressers to ask for magazines and just read.
Er … these days if you want to read you don't need to ask for magazines.
Good point.
There is much less small talk around since the advent of smart phones - which is to the detriment of society and social cohesion imo.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
I'd rather be in a quiet pub than a noisy one, if I'm going with people. That way you can actually talk to them in a relaxed atmosphere instead of having to shout over other conversations and over-loud music.
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
And then they say, "Why don't you come alligator wrestling with us? That's exciting!"
To which you can legitimately reply:
"That's very kind, but it's not my scene. I'm looking forward to catching up on cataloguing my cornflake collection this weekend. Have fun and let me know how it goes, if you're still alive on Monday!"
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
There is much less small talk around since the advent of smart phones - which is to the detriment of society and social cohesion imo.
The extrovert has lost his or her audience with the smart phone revolution, and part of their identity as well I suppose as often it is introverts who come out of themselves in the virtual world.
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
There is much less small talk around since the advent of smart phones - which is to the detriment of society and social cohesion imo.
The extrovert has lost his or her audience with the smart phone revolution, and part of their identity as well I suppose as often it is introverts who come out of themselves in the virtual world.
Small talk has nothing to do with 'having an audience'. It is about finding out about the person you meet - it works like body language. We discover far more about people when we are easy and open with them.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
I only ask "any plans for the weekend?" to colleagues whom I know reasonably well and with whom we'd already talk about off-work stuff normally.
Which is why I hate going to the barbers' - especially as they often talk "laddish" stuff which really isn't me.
Call me a grouch ... but I like my hair cut with the minimum of conversation (although I don't want to be rude either).
There is, apparently, an Ancient Greek joke book, which includes this one:
Barber: How would you like your hair cut, sir?
Customer: In silence.
Sorry, Helen-Eva, missed yoour post!
[ 18. March 2016, 18:27: Message edited by: Penny S ]
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Small talk has nothing to do with 'having an audience'. It is about finding out about the person you meet - it works like body language. We discover far more about people when we are easy and open with them.
Small talk isn't an introvert/extrovert issue IMO. It's accepted politeness to speak when spoken to, (or used to be).
I do agree though that centuries old accepted forms of human interaction are changing rapidly with the advent of the smart phone and I-pad. Restaurant servers have reported dinning rooms full of people now eating in complete silence while scrolling and reading their LED attention demanders
It's disturbing, outrageous, and will be the death of us all .... says he using social media to say how terrible and fiendish IT is ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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Soror Magna
Shipmate
# 9881
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by rolyn:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
There is much less small talk around since the advent of smart phones - which is to the detriment of society and social cohesion imo.
The extrovert has lost his or her audience with the smart phone revolution, and part of their identity as well I suppose as often it is introverts who come out of themselves in the virtual world.
You know, that's really interesting. My pet peeve with the "OMG I can't possibly look away from my phone for more than 2 seconds" people is that they are completely unaware of their surroundings, including people, cars, rapists, mailboxes, parking meters*, muggers, furniture, pets, children, you name it. This leads to behaviour which ranges from rude to downright dangerous. OTOH, texting is less annoying than YELLING BECAUSE YOU'RE ON A CELL PHONE. Anyway, it's obvious they don't give a rat's ass about anyone or anything else when they're playing with their gadgets.
So if those folks really are extroverts, I'd say it tells us just how much they care about other people. If you're in their audience, they love you. If you're not listening to them, you don't even exist. Heck, not only do you not exist, you're antisocial for not wanting to be their audience, and you're undermining the very bedrock of society.
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*Yes, I've seen someone walk into a parking meter while texting. In fact, there was a whole group of people waiting for the bus who watched it happen. Not one among us called out, "Watch out!" or "Stop!" Instead, we all looked at each other, laughed, and shared a precious moment of social cohesion. ![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
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"You come with me to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean." -- Tony Kushner, "Angels in America"
Posts: 5430 | From: Caprica City | Registered: Jul 2005
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Why is txting/smart phone use so clearly more not giving a fuck than reading a book ? Come to that, how you know they are not reading a book ?
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
Why is txting/smart phone use so clearly more not giving a fuck than reading a book ? Come to that, how you know they are not reading a book ?
People don't read books when walking down the street/crossing the road ime.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
I do, when the mood takes me.
(To clarify this is true of both papery objects and kindlyness.)
[ 18. March 2016, 21:31: Message edited by: Doublethink. ]
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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cliffdweller
Shipmate
# 13338
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
Why is txting/smart phone use so clearly more not giving a fuck than reading a book ? Come to that, how you know they are not reading a book ?
People don't read books when walking down the street/crossing the road ime.
I must confess I used to do that all the time, especially as a child walking home from school. Made the time pass so much more quickly.
Hubby and I used to go on dates where we'd each take a book and look up occasionally to share something we'd just read. Sometimes we'd be a whole family doing that at a nice restaurant after church. Nowdays we find we don't get enough time to talk so we don't tend to do that so much.
I don't enjoy reading ebooks as I do the real thing, but I suspect that's just what I'm used to-- a generational thing. Books to me are a very tangible pleasure.
[ 18. March 2016, 21:52: Message edited by: cliffdweller ]
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"Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid." -Frederick Buechner
Posts: 11242 | From: a small canyon overlooking the city | Registered: Jan 2008
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Being invited to an event shouldn't be an issue ...
And we're right back where we started.
"Shouldn't" is not the point. "Is" or "Is not" is more like it.
I naturally panic (internally, with great effort to keep it out of my face!) when someone issues me an invitation that calls for an on-the-spot response, even if the response need be nothing more than "I'll have to check and get back to you." That simply will not occur to me until I take several deep breaths; the first thing that naturally occurs to me is Ohmigod ohmigod I-don't-know-what-to-say why-me what-should-I-do-now, and to be honest, a tinge of resentment because I feel I've been put on the spot. (Yes, I know this is irrational; it just happens to be the way I'm wired.) Several breaths later it occurs to me that I should say "Let me check and get back to you," and then I go home and take between half an hour to two hours to accustom myself to the idea, at which point I finally feel comfortable and can call them back and be truly enthusiastic.
I am willing to bet that you do not routinely experience panic when invited to do something like going out for coffee or seeing a movie.
I do. Does this make me a bad person? If so, I'm SOL, because I've tried to reprogram myself for nearly 50 years and it ain't happening. The most I can do is the kind of workaround described above.
[ 18. March 2016, 22:45: Message edited by: Lamb Chopped ]
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Yo, I also read books when walking, unless the scenery is really something. Concrete canyons, meh. That's how I learned--walking long distances to school alongside concrete walls. In fact, much of my doctoral study was done this way.
And I never run into shit--I have excellent peripheral vision.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
What if I don't WANT the stranger I'm talking to to know anything about me? Can I say "It's none of your fucking business what I'm doing this weekend"?
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Palimpsest
Shipmate
# 16772
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Posted
You can, but you also can say; I'm doing out reach for my church. Do you go to church regularly?
Posts: 2990 | From: Seattle WA. US | Registered: Nov 2011
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St Deird
Shipmate
# 7631
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Posted
I'm someone else who reads books while walking down the street. Pretty much always.
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I think conversation matters. Small talk is not about being deep and meaningful and the subject is usually (almost) irrelevant. In a conversation with someone, whether it lasts a moment at the bus stop - or develops into a long lasting relationship, the reason for small talk is to show a positive emotional connection between two human beings - however fleeting.
I agree. Which is why I've spent the last few hours lying on a couch reading the internet.
This evening, you see, I've got a family event - at which I want to have some excellent, meaningful, fulfilling conversation with my parents, sisters, and nephews. It'll be awesome. I don't want to crash and burn during the ridiculously long (3 hours) time of socialising, so I'm spending some time recharging, in total silence, to make sure my energy reserves are full in preparation for the party.
The reason mid-church "social" time annoys me is because it doesn't give me enough forewarning to charge up my energy reserves, so I'm suddenly having to make a great deal of conversational effort on my back-up energy supplies, which is hard and leaves me grouchy.
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I don't think introverts are any more selfish than anyone else - but I do think they are too concerned with what others think of them. 'I only speak when I feel I can contribute' 'I only like meaningful conversations' 'I need to think before I speak' 'I can't bear to be the centre of attention' all speak, to me, of self-consciousness which can look a lot like lack of interest in other people.
"I only speak when I feel I can contribute" ...because speaking takes effort, and I need to make sure I've got enough energy to keep making (occasional) contributions for the rest of the conversation.
"I only like meaningful conversations" - Well, I do. They're interesting.
"I need to think before I speak" ...because I have slow verbal processing skills, and not thinking means that I don't have the ability to form words.
"I can't bear to be the centre of attention" ...unless I've had time to build up my energy levels to manage the extra bits of effort that are involved in engaging the attention of the whole group.
They have jack-all to do with self-consciousness. Shut up about things you clearly don't understand.
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They're not hobbies; they're a robust post-apocalyptic skill-set.
Posts: 319 | From: the other side of nowhere | Registered: Jun 2004
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Soror Magna:
My pet peeve with the "OMG I can't possibly look away from my phone for more than 2 seconds" people is that they are completely unaware of their surroundings, including people, cars, rapists, mailboxes, parking meters*, muggers, furniture, pets, children, you name it. This leads to behaviour which ranges from rude to downright dangerous.
The terms and conditions for the free wi-fi at Japanese railway stations (specifically the Tokyo metro and the JR East Shinkansen platforms, being the only stations with free wi-fi I have used) include the statement that stations are crowded and busy places, with very real hazards on platforms, stairs and escalators. Therefore, one of the conditions of use is that people do not use their wi-fi devices while walking, and at other times remain aware of the people around them. (Approx. paraphrase from memory - sorry, I've no intention of walking to the local station to log in to check the actual wording).
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
People don't read books when walking down the street/crossing the road ime.
When she was a nipper, Mrs. C used to walk about twenty minutes home from the bus stop to her house, when travelling home from school. Without fail, she'd be reading a book the whole way.
Personally, I can't read satisfactorily whilst walking - I can't get in the zone.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
I think that the earthquakes in Christchurch have markedly changed my behaviour. I used to read while walking along the footpath, but now the footpaths are so uneven it's dangerous to do this unless you know the area well.
Also I talk more to strangers at bus stops etc. I think this is because we are all a bit jumpier than we were. Whereas I was often reluctant to engage in much small talk before because it irritated me, I am now more careful to greet people or at least acknowledge them. If they don't respond or are otherwise engaged with their technology, I am relieved and go back to reading my book.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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M.
Ship's Spare Part
# 3291
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Posted
Thinking more about this, following Lamb Chopped's thought of having to get accustomed to an idea. That's it exactly. I love socialising, when I know that's what I'm going to be doing. I'm happy to travel on the train with someone, when I know that's what I'm going to be doing.
LeRoc, going to the hairdresser is when I indulge in looking at trashy magazines about celebs I've never heard of. Reading on my phone doesn't do it.
M.
Posts: 2303 | From: Lurking in Surrey | Registered: Sep 2002
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Small talk has nothing to do with 'having an audience'. It is about finding out about the person you meet - it works like body language. We discover far more about people when we are easy and open with them.
I don't want you or other random strangers to discover things about me. I want you to leave me alone so I can put my energy into conversations I'm interested in having.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Small talk has nothing to do with 'having an audience'. It is about finding out about the person you meet - it works like body language. We discover far more about people when we are easy and open with them.
I don't want you or other random strangers to discover things about me. I want you to leave me alone so I can put my energy into conversations I'm interested in having.
It's not about discovering details or secrets - it's simply a social thing - a signal that we are well disposed towards each other, friendly.
It's perfectly possible, in small talk, to signal that you are busy/need leaving alone but at the same time say a few friendly words in passing.
When I'm walking the dogs it's very rare that people who are passing don't have a quick word. Is this a cultural North of England thing?
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by St Deird:
They have jack-all to do with self-consciousness. Shut up about things you clearly don't understand.
This thread is my attempt to understand - the two I live with are not disposed towards explaining what's going on in their heads, so - as the Ship seems full of them, I thought I'd ask some introverts.
And I thank you all, I have found your answers fascinating and often bemusing. Unlike Susan Doris who is now an Atheist and was once a Christian, I was never an introvert and can't imagine what it must be like.
I have already explained that the title was to draw people in, sorry if that upset you - but this is Hell!
You are welcome to shut up if you don't want to engage (just as you do all the time, by the sounds of it )
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Being invited to an event shouldn't be an issue ...
And we're right back where we started.
"Shouldn't" is not the point. "Is" or "Is not" is more like it.
I naturally panic (internally, with great effort to keep it out of my face!) when someone issues me an invitation that calls for an on-the-spot response, even if the response need be nothing more than "I'll have to check and get back to you." That simply will not occur to me until I take several deep breaths; the first thing that naturally occurs to me is Ohmigod ohmigod I-don't-know-what-to-say why-me what-should-I-do-now, and to be honest, a tinge of resentment because I feel I've been put on the spot. (Yes, I know this is irrational; it just happens to be the way I'm wired.) Several breaths later it occurs to me that I should say "Let me check and get back to you," and then I go home and take between half an hour to two hours to accustom myself to the idea, at which point I finally feel comfortable and can call them back and be truly enthusiastic.
I am willing to bet that you do not routinely experience panic when invited to do something like going out for coffee or seeing a movie.
I do. Does this make me a bad person? If so, I'm SOL, because I've tried to reprogram myself for nearly 50 years and it ain't happening. The most I can do is the kind of workaround described above.
It doesn't make you a bad person, but you are describing a significant anxiety issue. You could be an introvert who also has an anxiety issue, but they are not the same thing.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Boogie--
Re your attempt to understand:
As far as your posts (not necessarily your thoughts and feelings), you seem more interested in insulting people who work differently than you. If you truly wanted to understand, Heaven or AS might've been a better choice.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
quote:
M.: Always best at the hairdressers to ask for magazines and just read.
Er … these days if you want to read you don't need to ask for magazines.
A lot of people don't have smart phones, and/or prefer actual, tactile, paper periodicals and books. (Me, on both counts.)
Plus an electronic device you're holding at the hairdresser's could easily be damaged: water, shampoo, hair products, hair spray, hair, and dropping the thing.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Kittyville
Shipmate
# 16106
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
Boogie--
Re your attempt to understand:
As far as your posts (not necessarily your thoughts and feelings), you seem more interested in insulting people who work differently than you. If you truly wanted to understand, Heaven or AS might've been a better choice.
Thank you, Golden Key - you put that a lot more graciously than I could've (Hell notwithstanding).
Posts: 291 | From: Sydney | Registered: Dec 2010
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
kittyville--
Thanks. It took some of that dreaded "thinking before speaking(/typing)" thing.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
Doublethink--you may well be right. But I'm not sure where introversion ends and anxiety disorder begins. Do extroverts have anxiety when faced with (say) a day of silent reflection?
Whatever the truth, it at least illustrates the slow verbal processing I'm dealing with--the inability to respond appropriately until WAY after the right time has passed. Which is why I can't just let the chitchat flow.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
I'd rather be in a quiet pub than a noisy one, if I'm going with people. That way you can actually talk to them in a relaxed atmosphere instead of having to shout over other conversations and over-loud music.
I'm that way with cafes and restaurants. Combination of overwhelming stimuli and trying to hear the conversation at my table (even with hearing aids) is both maddening and wearying.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Do extroverts have anxiety when faced with (say) a day of silent reflection?
I don't, not at all - but would I have to prepare myself for such times as I would be very bored. I went on a silent retreat once, which was fine because we had 'tasks' to do like making clay pots etc. In fact it was very enjoyable. But sitting in silence with nothing to do - hate it! But no - no anxiety, just frustrated boredom. Smart phones are the best invention ever for combating boredom I must say!
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
As far as your posts (not necessarily your thoughts and feelings), you seem more interested in insulting people who work differently than you. If you truly wanted to understand, Heaven or AS might've been a better choice.
No, I don't think so, I wanted to get personal.
I live with introverts and was frustrated with them at the time - so I wanted to vent and get some insight.
People have (rightly) had a go at me for my lack of knowledge and understanding, they could not have done so in AS or heaven.
I wanted honest answers and honesty sometimes is not in the least bit heavenly!
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
When I'm walking the dogs it's very rare that people who are passing don't have a quick word. Is this a cultural North of England thing?
When I'm walking (anywhere) I greet people I pass - whether it's walking to church or climbing a mountain. I say "Good Morning" or whatever, they say "Good Morning" or whatever, nobody breaks step.
I would find it odd in the extreme if some random stranger going for a walk wanted to stop for a chat.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
When I'm walking (anywhere) I greet people I pass - whether it's walking to church or climbing a mountain. I say "Good Morning" or whatever, they say "Good Morning" or whatever, nobody breaks step.
I would find it odd in the extreme if some random stranger going for a walk wanted to stop for a chat.
It happens all the time here!
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
When I'm walking the dogs it's very rare that people who are passing don't have a quick word. Is this a cultural North of England thing?
Yes, I don't have a dog myself but in more southerly parts of the country, the quick words might more likely be "Call your ******* dog off/does your dog have to do that there?" and "**** off you ****."
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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ThunderBunk
Stone cold idiot
# 15579
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Posted
At risk of being more purgatorial than infernal, I think several sets of issues are being completely confused: introversion and extroversion, anxiety, social phobia (often linked, but by no means always), people vs. task orientation and social mores/feeling rules.
Picking my way through these various issues from a personal perspective, I am a person-oriented introvert, who suffers from anxiety. As such, I absolutely do collective silence and get a huge amount out of it, providing those there are truly engaging in it. From that point of view, Boogie's solution of smartphones is indescribably rude because it's utterly destructive. It is facile in the extreme to assume that nothing is happening because there is neither noise nor movement, or that something that is entirely outside of the collective agenda is not disruptive simply because it doesn't make any immediately obvious noise. The point there is that there is no task, and therefore nothing to engage the task-orientated, such as Boogie clearly is.
People-oriented introverts are, in my experience, utterly incomprehensible to the rest of the world, and anxiety makes it very hard for me to explain my own position. My anxiety can also make me voluble: from inside it feels like I am sounding the alarm, but this is clearly not how it comes across: it seems to be interpreted as extroversion, and/or disruptiveness.
There is also something about dogs and their owners: dogs have, as far as I can tell, little compunction in going up to anyone and everyone and engaging with them fully, and my observation and Boogie's description makes me think that a fair selection of their owners can be similar. I strongly suspect that this group is self-selecting, and should not assume that anyone outside it operates by the same rules. This may be painful, but there is pain for us all outside our own emotional type.
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Currently mostly furious, and occasionally foolish. Normal service may resume eventually. Or it may not. And remember children, "feiern ist wichtig".
Foolish, potentially deranged witterings
Posts: 2208 | From: Norwich | Registered: Apr 2010
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Gamaliel
Shipmate
# 812
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Posted
It's not at all unusual in the North of England or in South Wales and other former heavy industrial areas - and it's even more pronounced in Ireland where everything talks to everyone else all the time.
It would be very unusual in London and the South East or (mainly) snooty towns like Cheltenham.
A chap I know from Stoke-on-Trent spent some time working in London. He used to see the same bloke on the bus every day going to work. One day, he endeavoured to strike up a conversation only to be met with a cold stare and, 'Do I fahking know you?'
Equally, my brother left the South Wales Valleys to work in Cheltenham for a while. He used to leave his lodgings to walk into work at the same time as the block who lived opposite. They'd walk side by side for some of the way. Likewise, he attempted conversation only to be greeted by a cold stare and a quickening of the step ...
That would never happen 'oop north' or in South Wales or in any other part of the UK where they don't go round with terminal rudeness as part of their make-up ...
It's a southern thing.
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Let us with a gladsome mind
Praise the Lord for He is kind.
http://philthebard.blogspot.com
Posts: 15997 | From: Cheshire, UK | Registered: Jul 2001
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
quote:
Originally posted by leo:
quote:
Originally posted by Liopleurodon:
I find it irritating to be asked if I have plans for the weekend by someone I'll never see again.
I tend to answer that by saying that my life as an intgrovert is interesting enough without having to make 'plans' for the weekend or for any other time. It's the seeming superficiality of extroverts that they need to invent contant distractions for themselves.
This seems to misunderstand the purpose of the question, most often someone asking this is not seeking information, anymore than someone asking what you think about this morning's weather is at all interested in the weather.
But how does one respond to this question without giving out information?
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ThunderBunk:
There is also something about dogs and their owners: dogs have, as far as I can tell, little compunction in going up to anyone and everyone and engaging with them fully, and my observation and Boogie's description makes me think that a fair selection of their owners can be similar.
Dogs are uninhibited. Their owners have to be at least a little bit to some extent; when you have an animal companion that regularly bounds across spaces to enthusiastically greet completely unfamiliar people, fights other dogs and craps anywhere at short notice, you can't really be a shrinking violet yourself.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
But how does one respond to this question without giving out information?
"Got plans for the weekend?"
"Nah, not really/having a good rest/yes, thanks/just the usual/dunno yet/depends on the weather."
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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