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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Introverts are bloody selfish!
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
But how does one respond to this question without giving out information?
"Got plans for the weekend?"
"Nah, not really/having a good rest/yes, thanks/just the usual/dunno yet/depends on the weather."
You know, it really hadn't ever occurred to me that people asking what I was doing for the weekend didn't actually want to know, so I hadn't thought of a good reply that didn't seem rude; effectively saying "none of your business."
But apparently that's what people actually want. I will never understand you humans.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
You know, it really hadn't ever occurred to me that people asking what I was doing for the weekend didn't actually want to know, so I hadn't thought of a good reply that didn't seem rude; effectively saying "none of your business."
But apparently that's what people actually want. I will never understand you humans.
You've got it!
Just as 'How are you?' does not require any information about your health. It's about making contact, showing a friendly face, being a social being. 'Fine thank you' is the usual answer. Having all sorts of health issues I tend to answer 'Still kicking thanks'.
This often raises a smile so I follow it up with 'Just don't ask me who!' ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Dogs are uninhibited. Their owners have to be at least a little bit to some extent; when you have an animal companion that regularly bounds across spaces to enthusiastically greet completely unfamiliar people, fights other dogs and craps anywhere at short notice, you can't really be a shrinking violet yourself.
Haha!
My best friend is - she hates all the doggy chat! So when we go together with our pooches I am careful not to indulge in any at all. When she walks him she chooses times when it's likely to be quiet and human-free.
Scrap the 'fights' bit please - most dogs are super friendly. The fighters don't want to be sociable, they want the other dogs to leave them well alone.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
You know, it really hadn't ever occurred to me that people asking what I was doing for the weekend didn't actually want to know
It's OK, Karl: I'll share the corner of the pub with you. If I ask you what you're doing for the weekend, it's because I want to know. If I just want to acknowledge the presence of another person, I'll wish you a good [time of day as appropriate] or other similar non-interrogatory greeting.
If I ask you a question, it's more likely to be "I've not been to this pub before. What do they have that's good on tap?"
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
But how does one respond to this question without giving out information?
"Got plans for the weekend?"
"Nah, not really/having a good rest/yes, thanks/just the usual/dunno yet/depends on the weather."
You know, it really hadn't ever occurred to me that people asking what I was doing for the weekend didn't actually want to know, so I hadn't thought of a good reply that didn't seem rude; effectively saying "none of your business."
But apparently that's what people actually want. I will never understand you humans.
I usually try to use the ATM (Cashpoint) at my bank, one reason being the phony, insincere over-friendliness inside the bank. The tellers are apparently trained to ask each customer "So, what do you have planned for the rest of the day?" I usually give a non-answer of some sort. One day the customer at the next window answered "You don't want to know." Not taking a hint, the chirpy teller asked "Why not?" I was hoping the customer would tell her he was off to rob a bank.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
Yes Pigwidgeon, I know what you mean. But, the kind of small talk (question) which doesn't need a specific answer is not at all insincere - it has a completely different purpose than ascertaining information.
Trained questions from cashiers/waiters etc are a different thing entirely.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
But how does one respond to this question without giving out information?
"Got plans for the weekend?"
"Nah, not really/having a good rest/yes, thanks/just the usual/dunno yet/depends on the weather."
You know, it really hadn't ever occurred to me that people asking what I was doing for the weekend didn't actually want to know, so I hadn't thought of a good reply that didn't seem rude; effectively saying "none of your business."
But apparently that's what people actually want. I will never understand you humans.
From acquaintances / strangers it usually means, I wish to signal that I am mildly positively disposed towards you but I don't know you well enough to engage in personal conversation, and/or, I am abnormally close to you for some reason for what feels like a prolonged period of time (slow moving lift, haircut, prostate exam etc) and wish to signal I am not hostile and distract us both from this embarrassing proximity with a neutral topic.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
You know, it really hadn't ever occurred to me that people asking what I was doing for the weekend didn't actually want to know, so I hadn't thought of a good reply that didn't seem rude; effectively saying "none of your business."
But apparently that's what people actually want. I will never understand you humans.
You've got it!
Just as 'How are you?' does not require any information about your health. It's about making contact, showing a friendly face, being a social being. 'Fine thank you' is the usual answer. Having all sorts of health issues I tend to answer 'Still kicking thanks'.
This often raises a smile so I follow it up with 'Just don't ask me who!'
I thought that's what "hi" was for.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I live with introverts and was frustrated with them at the time - so I wanted to vent and get some insight.
Yet you've contradicted anybody who has bothered to try to give you insight. Doesn't seem like you wanted insight at all, only to be ugly to people different than you, probably to spite your frustrating relatives.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I live with introverts and was frustrated with them at the time - so I wanted to vent and get some insight.
Yet you've contradicted anybody who has bothered to try to give you insight. Doesn't seem like you wanted insight at all, only to be ugly to people different than you, probably to spite your frustrating relatives.
I have thanked people for their insights. I love my frustrating relatives and would never want to spite them, or even complain to them about how they are.
My 'contradiction' has simply been to explain the purpose of some (seemingly) pointless types of interaction.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
Boogie, how about a response something like this? ..."Wow! Thank you all for showing me what it feels like from the other side of things. You've given me a lot to think about."
I realize that that is not the best Hell-speak. But I for one am here to learn, even in Hell
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
I do thank you all for showing me what it feels like on the other side of things.
I would like to know more 'tho.
An lot of annoyance has been expressed about extroverts and the way we behave. But I see being extrovert simply as enjoying good company/animated, quick fire discussion in groups/chat/laughs.
We are not (generically) rude or attention seeking any more than introverts are.
Why the dislike?
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
I am abnormally close to you for some reason for what feels like a prolonged period of time (slow moving lift, haircut, prostate exam etc) and wish to signal I am not hostile and distract us both from this embarrassing proximity with a neutral topic.
I believe that this is an accurate statement of the way some people think, but it doesn't make any sense to me. I don't find sharing a lift with people embarrassing (even if we've been wedged in by a Japanese man in white gloves), if you're cutting my hair, I'm not embarrassed and I'd rather you weren't distracted, and I'm really not sure asking what I'm doing at the weekend whilst your finger is up my arse is going to improve matters.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
An lot of annoyance has been expressed about extroverts and the way we behave. But I see being extrovert simply as enjoying good company/animated, quick fire discussion in groups/chat/laughs.
If we have some kind of acquaintance and you come and start chatting at me, I am socially obliged to chat with you. There isn't a socially acceptable way for me to tell you to go away and leave me alone.
Furthermore, if I value you, I want to hear about your concerns, I want you to be able to ask me for advice if you're worried about something, and I want to be able to support you if you're upset. This means that if you come and talk to me, I assume it's important to you, and I put aside whatever I'm doing in order to make time for you. When it transpires that actually there's nothing important, and you just wanted a chat because you didn't want to sit in silence for half an hour, I feel like you've taken advantage of me.
(This is also my chief objection to the telephone.)
So there's one.
Here's another: several times in this thread you've said that you're not really bothered by accuracy in casual conversation, and would rather make mouth noises than think things though. I find that attitude offensive. If we're having a conversation, I want the best of you, not the first thing that pops into your head.
For me, conversation is hard work. Analytical, technical discussions are relatively easy; anything with emotional content is exhausting, and anything that asks me to analyse my own emotional response to something is the most difficult. So don't ask me how I feel about something and expect either a short or a quick answer.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Ricardus
Shipmate
# 8757
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Posted
If the purpose of small talk is to ease interpersonal relations, and lots of people say they find small talk difficult, isn't the conclusion that small talk isn't very effective at its aim?
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Then the dog ran before, and coming as if he had brought the news, shewed his joy by his fawning and wagging his tail. -- Tobit 11:9 (Douai-Rheims)
Posts: 7247 | From: Liverpool, UK | Registered: Nov 2004
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Ricardus: If the purpose of small talk is to ease interpersonal relations, and lots of people say they find small talk difficult, isn't the conclusion that small talk isn't very effective at its aim?
Undoubtedly. But it's what evolution and a bit of conditioning have given us.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
quote:
Ricardus: If the purpose of small talk is to ease interpersonal relations, and lots of people say they find small talk difficult, isn't the conclusion that small talk isn't very effective at its aim?
Undoubtedly. But it's what evolution and a bit of conditioning have given us.
It is effective for some, ineffective for others and semi-effective for the rest.
Just like nearly every other trait.
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
Leorning Cnint, the first thing that comes into my head is the best of me, it's how I speak, how I think, how I am.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I do thank you all for showing me what it feels like on the other side of things.
I would like to know more 'tho.
An lot of annoyance has been expressed about extroverts and the way we behave. But I see being extrovert simply as enjoying good company/animated, quick fire discussion in groups/chat/laughs.
We are not (generically) rude or attention seeking any more than introverts are.
Why the dislike?
The annoyance is not about extroverts all-of-them-as-a-group. The annoyance is about extroverts who dislike introverts and tell them they are bloody selfish for behaving like themselves. The temptation to give tit for tat is what you are seeing on this thread.
If you want to go further, there are certain characteristic ways some extroverts are rude in certain situations (not all extroverts, not all situations). These include requiring introverts to do things deeply uncomfortable to them via public social pressure in church--as demonstrated by the All Saints thread. They also include such things as talking over other people (particularly those who are not extroverted enough to yell "shut up a minute, will you?" and saying things like "When are you going to come out of your shell and show people that you really like them?"
Remember, SOME extroverts, SOME situations.
No doubt there are corresponding introvert rudenesses.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ricardus:
If the purpose of small talk is to ease interpersonal relations, and lots of people say they find small talk difficult, isn't the conclusion that small talk isn't very effective at its aim?
The fact it is a social norm suggests that a significant majority of people find it works. I sympathise with your point of view, it took me an unusually long time to learn the ropes - people were still explaining this to me explicitly when I was a postgrad. (I put this down to spending the majority of my childhood in an entirely different cultural setting on the other side of the world fwiw.)
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Macrina
Shipmate
# 8807
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Posted
I literally had to teach myself how to do small talk, in the same way you might teach yourself a musical instrument or a dance routine.
I love a good conversation about God, the Universe, Politics, anything big I can get my teeth into but I had to work at the social chit chat and realise that I wouldn't get many conversations I liked if I couldn't engage a person first.
I'm pretty good at it now but I do have moments where I have to pause and think 'okay what next...' its difficult and distracting but it has become easier as I have grown older.
Posts: 535 | From: Christchurch, New Zealand | Registered: Nov 2004
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Doublethink.:
quote:
Originally posted by Ricardus:
If the purpose of small talk is to ease interpersonal relations, and lots of people say they find small talk difficult, isn't the conclusion that small talk isn't very effective at its aim?
The fact it is a social norm suggests that a significant majority of people find it works.
I think this overstates the case. It suggests that a majority of the people who set the social tone find it works. But that subset of a subset of humanity may not be in the majority.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Leorning Cnint, the first thing that comes into my head is the best of me, it's how I speak, how I think, how I am.
Does that make it difficult for filters between mind and mouth to operate?
I've had to work very hard to develop some of my filters, but it was necessary. Some are maybe 75-90% automatic, now; but I still consciously take a step or two back before I say anything, just to make sure.
[ 20. March 2016, 01:35: Message edited by: Golden Key ]
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Numbers are difficult to quantify given the variable definition by professionals, the complete misunderstanding by laypeople and the various nurture and cultural issues.
But a lot of comment in this thread is silly.
Introvert or extrovert, just deal with your own shit as best you can and be considerate of other people's shit.
Don't expect social activities, like church, to not be social or for everyone to be comfortable with being social. NOt rocket surgery, it really isn't.
And social anxiety is NOT FUCKING INTROVERSION.
It is a real problem that is a difficult thing to deal with, but recognising what it is is a step towards dealing with it.
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Leorning Cnint, the first thing that comes into my head is the best of me, it's how I speak, how I think, how I am.
Seriously? You would never come up with something better to say if you thought about it for a minute?
In today's Washington Post: "Why smart people are better off with fewer friends."
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Leorning Cnint, the first thing that comes into my head is the best of me, it's how I speak, how I think, how I am.
Seriously? You would never come up with something better to say if you thought about it for a minute?
As I said upthread, I get my best ideas in conversation.
It's great making plans and the plans unfold and change as you talk them through. My latest art project is a sculpture at a school. The art teacher and I were very much on the same wavelength - we talked it through and ideas flowed, changing and growing as we built on each other's input.
[ 20. March 2016, 05:41: Message edited by: Boogie ]
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Macrina:
I love a good conversation about God, the Universe, Politics, anything big I can get my teeth into but I had to work at the social chit chat and realise that I wouldn't get many conversations I liked if I couldn't engage a person first.
I used to but the enthusiasm and passion of youth have given way to wanting something less intense. Sometimes it's just quite refreshing to turn to my neighbour at work and say "Did you see [programme] on the telly last night?"
When much younger I used to blurt out the first thing that came into my head. This is rarely a good idea as a conversation starter and I learnt to think before I spoke. It certainly wasn't the best of me.
There is a difference between that, however, and thinking out loud to bounce ideas off someone in a discussion, which can be hugely enjoyable and productive, and take you down avenues you never envisaged.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
There are articles around about talking to think or thinking to talk. According to this article (pdf) there is a cultural assumption that:
quote:
talking is a positive act because it is closely connected with thinking. Language and its verbal expression in talking can create, change, and signify thinking, and hence, one can generally equate talking and thinking.
but the article goes on to say:
quote:
the Western assumption about near equivalence of talking and thinking is still very pervasive and fundamental to the study of the mind, despite the abundant research to show that the positive meaning of talking is culturally specific rather than universal
The research concludes that thinking and talking are closer in American culture and do not necessarily relate in East Asian culture.
Talking things through is not necessarily that helpful, as many of us will know from meetings that go around in circles when the boss is thinking aloud and the rest of us are having to think fast on our feet to explain why we know that this idea is wrong. I'll often know that it's wrong, but I need time to produce a coherent argument against it. I would much prefer an agenda so I can think the ideas through before the meeting, then talk it through, then more nice quiet thinking time as to how I actually put that stupid idea I've just been dumped with into practice. Walking or washing up makes for good thinking time.)
eta: "an" not "and"
and verbs to match
[ 20. March 2016, 09:28: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
In today's Washington Post: "Why smart people are better off with fewer friends."
The picture that goes with that horrifies me. That must mean I'm smart, eh? Maybe just claustrophobic.
Age has a lot to do with it in my experience. When young, my brothers and old friends and I all lived happily in separate, big cities and only talked to each other a few times a year.
Now we're all retired, live in small towns by choice and talk on the phone a few times per week. They (the high IQ brothers) reinforce the idea that smart people who are busy with challenging jobs and projects don't want to be bothered with friendly chit-chat and yet they like the resources of a big city.
Now they're bored and can't watch a TV show without sending me a long detailed review. Bless 'em.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
When I sometimes tell folks I rarely get e-mails they are quite often a little envious as opposed to taking pity on poor ol' Nobby No-mates.
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Leorning Cnint, the first thing that comes into my head is the best of me, it's how I speak, how I think, how I am.
Seriously? You would never come up with something better to say if you thought about it for a minute?
As I said upthread, I get my best ideas in conversation.
It's great making plans and the plans unfold and change as you talk them through. My latest art project is a sculpture at a school. The art teacher and I were very much on the same wavelength - we talked it through and ideas flowed, changing and growing as we built on each other's input.
I, by contrast, come out of these sorts of conversions utterly confused as to which bit was an idea we rejected, which bit was an idea we modified, which bit was a problem we later solved, what that solution was, and what we finally decided.
It's bad enough when such conversations happen via Email, but at least you can check back. It's hell when it was face to face.
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Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Pomona
Shipmate
# 17175
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Posted
I am in the interesting position of being an introvert with ADHD (probable - trying to get a diagnosis via work occupational health as it is so hard to do so as an adult on the NHS) and also an anxiety disorder - so my brain does work very quickly, rather like having lots of tabs open on a browser at once. Indeed, as I type this, I have rather a lot of tabs open! I work in retail/hospitality so try to use this to my advantage at work, and then use my time off to recharge. I don't live alone due to financial reasons (it is expensive, especially where I live in the South of England) but would love to. I am highly protective of my personal home space - I enjoy socialising outside of the home, but my home space is mine.
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Consider the work of God: Who is able to straighten what he has bent? [Ecclesiastes 7:13]
Posts: 5319 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2012
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Liopleurodon
Mighty sea creature
# 4836
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I do thank you all for showing me what it feels like on the other side of things.
I would like to know more 'tho.
An lot of annoyance has been expressed about extroverts and the way we behave. But I see being extrovert simply as enjoying good company/animated, quick fire discussion in groups/chat/laughs.
We are not (generically) rude or attention seeking any more than introverts are.
Why the dislike?
In my case, it's not actually dislike. It was an attempt to bludgeon you with a cluebat. Clearly it didn't work.
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Our God is an awesome God. Much better than that ridiculous God that Desert Bluffs has. - Welcome to Night Vale
Posts: 1921 | From: Lurking under the ship | Registered: Aug 2003
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
As I said upthread, I get my best ideas in conversation.
It's great making plans and the plans unfold and change as you talk them through.
If you are engaged in some kind of creative project, and you are conversing with a partner in that creative endeavour, then perhaps this is worthwhile (and there's certainly an advantage to early conversation, as it means not getting too wedded to an idea that your partner dislikes).
But that can't be most of your conversations - you said earlier in the thread that most of your conversations are general social lubrication rather than task-oriented. And in that context, quote:
As I said upthread, I get my best ideas in conversation.
starts to sound a bit like "I'm a parasite who wants to leech off you."
It's a question of expectations. If one person in a conversation has a couple of reasonably thought-out ideas and the other has word associations, it's not a symmetric conversation. You can still have a reasonable conversation, but it has to start with the second person asking the first person to explain something. It's not uncommon that the second person will spot a flaw in the first person's logic, in which case we will have achieved productivity.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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Athrawes
Ship's parrot
# 9594
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Posted
I like your second chart, Boogie. The first one answers your question, though. With *some*, unaware, extroverts it does feel like they want your energy, regardless of whether have any or not... It can lead to wariness when interacting with extroverts.
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Explaining why is going to need a moment, since along the way we must take in the Ancient Greeks, the study of birds, witchcraft, 19thC Vaudeville and the history of baseball. Michael Quinion.
Posts: 2966 | From: somewhere with a book shop | Registered: Jun 2005
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jemima the 9th:
Ah. It appears I'm an obnoxious introvert. Oh well.
Don't feel bad. All the best people are.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
You know, it really hadn't ever occurred to me that people asking what I was doing for the weekend didn't actually want to know, so I hadn't thought of a good reply that didn't seem rude; effectively saying "none of your business."
Have you heard of Roman Jakobson's theory of Functions of Language?
(There's wikipedia article that I can't link to because of an apostrophe; it isn't the most thorough exposition there could be.)
[ 23. March 2016, 07:55: Message edited by: Dafyd ]
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we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams
Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Dafyd--
You might try putting that errant link into TinyURL, which will give you an alias link that works.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
Sorry for x-post.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Soror Magna
Shipmate
# 9881
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Posted
Unfortunately for Boogie, small talk is probably going to be less and less common. Not because of a minority of introverts, but because of paranoid overprotective parents. I was raised to respond politely to strangers, but not to accept gifts or fall for any "your mom asked me to pick you up" shit. Subsequent generations of children were told to never speak to strangers at all and were driven everywhere so they never had to interact with strangers on the bus or subway. The latest generation shares nude pictures with their friends but still won't talk to strangers. Luckily, they have an app on their phone to tell them if there's anybody in the area that might want to have sex with them, because obviously you can't talk to a stranger to find out if they'd like to have sex with you ...
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"You come with me to room 1013 over at the hospital, I'll show you America. Terminal, crazy and mean." -- Tony Kushner, "Angels in America"
Posts: 5430 | From: Caprica City | Registered: Jul 2005
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
I would like to know more 'tho.
I will say how it is for me. I'm an introvert married to an extrovert, so I suspect there are similar issues in our house to the ones in yours.
Whether I have simply learned extrovert behaviour, or am a high-functioning introvert, or what, I relate to much of what you say. I like and am interested in people. I like small talk and flatter myself that I'm quite good at it. I went to the hairdresser this week and was looking forward to hearing about her holiday. If the cashier at the checkout wants to hear about my plans for the weekend I'll tell them and ask about theirs. I will ask what time they finish their shift and whether they had an early start. We are all muddling through this life somehow, God help us, and need those touches of humanity along the way.
I too go to church mainly to see my friends. For a while, like you, I felt I didn't have much faith left. Now my faith looks so different to that of the con-evo congregation I have to change the way I talk and pray when I'm among them but I do it because they are people I love and because it's important for Mr Nen and me to be worshipping somewhere together.
I love being with people and doing all this, but it drains me and as an introvert it seems so much harder for me to get what I need to recharge my batteries. I really do need time on my own. Recently the smallest bedroom in our house became my study. I love it. It is my space and I spend as much time as I can there. Most of that time the door is open - ie, I'm fine to entertain visitors. On the occasions when the door is shut of course I expect to be interrupted if the house is on fire or someone is bleeding or my long lost cousin I haven't spoken to for 20 years is on the phone. But it absolutely is not ok just to walk in on me and it does not make it ok to knock first and preface what you're going to say with "Just a quick question." ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif) At times I have to lock myself in the loo just to get the uninterrupted solitude I need. What introvert has not done that on at least one occasion?
And in conversation, I am all for chit-chat, banter, light repartee, in their place. But if we are discussing things I'm thinking about, hopes and plans I have, things I feel strongly about, I am going to give thoughtful, measured responses and I mean them. Most of the extroverts in my life process things through their mouths and it drives me nuts. I think I have to invest emotionally in those things because they must mean them. Then, further down the road, they say something like, "Oh, the vast majority of things I talk about are just ideas I'm playing with." Don't do that to me! It's exhausting! ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
FFS.
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
quote:
Originally posted by Jemima the 9th:
Ah. It appears I'm an obnoxious introvert. Oh well.
Don't feel bad. All the best people are.
Mental high-five!
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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