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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Fields of Gold
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Lady A
Narnian Lady
# 3126
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Posted
Dear Miss Molly,
Oh, I nearly laughed when I read that you did not post to make anyone cry, because I am a person that is probably sillily (is that a word?) ready to cry at any moment. Weddings, funerals, doesn't matter, when it touches my heart, I just don't think I can contain the emotions, and so I let it go! Though I do believe that God had a great laugh on me one time. My daughter and I were headed home from Alaska on the Marine Highway, coming into Sitka. We had just come through the Perilous Straits and turning south at the tip of Baronoff Island and there after an incredible trip through this amazing waterway, you could see out to the Pacific. It was getting dusky, and the haze off the water was turning that roughish rose. I was listening to Chris Rice on my casette player singing 'Halleluah' all about how creation praises its Creator, and had tears just flowing down my face as I sat on the back of the boat thinking how fortunate I was to be there, right then, in God's company, at loose in his creation to see this work of eternity come together in this moment of a purity even angels in heaven had to envy. After crying for several minutes (replaying the song a couple of times!) I finally dragged myself out of sopping in the wonder to see that everyone else was looking at a tree on the other side of the boat. I took out my binoculars to take a closer look, because there were these huge funny looking pinecones hanging there. What was revealed? Those weren't pinecones, but plastic flamingos!!! In the absolute middle of nowhere. (Turned out a former mayor of Sitka wanted to be sure that the tourist seniors would feel more at home with flamingos in the trees than eagles, so he supplied a treeful!) From sublime to subcomic in a heartbeat. I'm sure God was trying to tell me something there about walking lightly (or maybe pinkly!) in my voyages! Your stories have brought more chuckles than tears to my heart, so you have obviously learned this lesson! I'm glad you won't stop with the saga (Maybe you could begin to number them - Episode I - The Phantom Cells! etc., etc...)
With all my love (tears and laughs)
Lady A
Posts: 2545 | From: The Lion's Mane, Narnia | Registered: Aug 2002
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
Hello Molly,
Am also awaiting the new Pratchett ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif) . I think the character who speaks in CAPITAL LETTERS is probably reading this thread with interest and has got rather distracted.
I noticed that Miffy and Dolphy had been visiting the Turf Tavern which is the medieval pub nestled against crooked old college buildings with multiple hidden alley entrances that I mentioned in our virtual tour of Oxford. We must just have missed them! This particular pub does make me think of Terry Pratchett, it is designed in such an antique and eccentric way it would be right at home in Ankh Morpork. Although the standards of hygiene are rather better and the menu just rises above the level of a sausage inna bun.
I'd meant to follow up some of your fave books but I have been so taken up in reading ship threads in recent weeks that I have been distracted. I have however been playing my new Country Gospel CD in the car quite loudly and yodelling along happily down the motorway (no one else in the car I hasten to add). Hmmm, will have a hunt around for the Jonah song.
And I had a odd little encounter with an elderly chap in Waitrose (supermarket) car park who gave me a strange and penetrating look. Then realised that as I was reversing my car a particularly soupy version of "learning to lean on Jesus", also on the same CD, was blaring out. Whether he was trying to greet a fellow believer or just thought I was rather mad ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif) or didn't appreciate my taste in music I'll never know.
It's been so interesting imagining this sort of music in the setting of the farm singsongs that you described, which gives it a real context for me. I went to Greenbelt this year (big UK Christian art festival) and they included songs in the main service which I hadn't heard before, "Over my head I hear music in the air" and "I'll fly away" which I really loved (and have been singing in the bath ever since). "I'll fly away", which is so joyful, really reminded me of my mum's triumphant love and faith and lack of fear, which left our (weeping) primary care physician telling me that it was one of the highest privileges of his job to meet people like her.
I really like "Farther along" as well - which you've mentioned elsewhere -"farther along we'll understand why" is probably the best and most succinct answer to the "Does God have a plan?" thread currently running in Purgatory.
Would you recommend any performers of this sort of music in particular btw?
It is strange being a patient when you're used to being the one who looks after them isn't it Molly? It must have been so hugely frustrating not to be able to move your hands or even to breathe by yourself. And a big step to come to accept that painkillers might be useful. And things like how to manage to wash your hair become so important if you cannot easily do it because of interesting medical accessories.
I am so glad that the Ship seems to have helped so much through this time. "They" say that it is very helpful to have goals and objectives of things you would like to do or enjoy, flexible ones that you can look forward to, if you are lving with cancer. I really think that this thread is a amazing achievement.
Even if you can't physically get to a shipmeet you can greet friends all round the globe, individually and by name, on a daily basis. Even if it is hard for you to get to a church service you are still in communion with all of us in such a rich and valuable way. And the gift and blessing is really from you to us, of sharing your most precious time and memories and your very intimate experiences in such a true and honest way.
It is an extraordinary thing to give so much to so many people in these circumstances. In the middle of all this illness you are still a pivotal member of the community - a real community of real people even if we meet over the web - and you are still able to give so very much.
God bless ![[Heart]](graemlins/heartpump.gif) (((((((((Molly)))))))))
lots of love
WD
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Nicole, thank you for offering your fierce daughter. I gladly receive her help. I was finally able to read your father's obituary by using Opera rather than IE. I am glad that your memorial statement was used, rather than the original one you mentioned; you have paid true honor to a good man's memory.
My Porcine Shipmate, I continue to think about the clues you so generously and wittily provide.
Dear Janine, I know none of you are here to have your names up in lights! I appreciate the love that prompts you all to post, and my appreciation leads me to want to extend the small courtesy of reply while I can.
Lady A., I see we share the uncommon birth defect of having our kidneys hooked up to our eyes. Thank you for the account of your voyage. I would have loved to see those flamingoes. I am reminded, for obscure reasons, of a car trip with my grandfather Rivas. We were looking at, and exclaiming with excitement, over various sights, culminating in some white peacocks. A little later, my grandfather called out "Look, look! Two horses and a cow!" This has become a catch phrase in our family.
Welsh Dragon, your post regarding the Ankh-Morporkian qualities of the Turf reminds me of my first visit to the Brazen Head in Dublin. This was in the summer of 1986. The Brazen Head is famous locally for receiving its license under Charles the Second, and for being the place where the abortive Irish uprising led by Robert Emmett was planned (they still have his writing desk). The building is not original to that time, but is certainly old, and the site is old enough that it is below street level.
When I went there for the first time, the walls were scratched wood panelling, many of the seats had springs and stuffing bursting out in odd places, and the basket seating could be used only with caution, just like the seating in an Ankh-Morpork tavern. There were old posters of various sporting events of several years back decorating the walls, and concerts, ditto. However, they drew a good pint! As indeed they should, being near to that holy place, the Guinness brewery.
I am glad you have found a country gospel collection, and that "I'll Fly Away" has a home in your heart. I am caught somewhat at a loss to recommend artists, as we just sang the songs and didn't have records. However, after the generous gift by a shipmate of Ralph Stanley: Saturday Night and Sunday Morning on Freeland Music, I can most heartily recommend Sunday Morning. These were new songs to me, as most have been written by him or his brother, now deceased, but they have the flavor of the faith songs we sang. I especially love "On Heaven's Bright Shore", "I'll Meet You In Church Sunday Morning", and "Little Bessie". You might also see if any Hopeful Gospel Quartet CDs are available. The quartet consists of Garrison Keillor, a radio variety show host and three people who frequently appear on his show "A Prairie Home Companion".
Monday morning arrived, and I was awake at 5:30 AM. I was dreading my move to the chemo ward, but also anxious to get on with the next stage in my treatment. I wanted it over with and myself recovered in time for the Colorado Meet.
We waited all day. No chemo nurse was available for me; they all had a full patient load. Consequently, I walked over to the chemo ward about 4 PM, like a bwana with my bearers following me. They carried an amazing amount of personal stuff, considering I had arrived with the clothes on my back, a small tote, and Freddy the Cat. On arrival, my medication was not ready, so we all settled down to wait.
Any bets on when the chemo was actually ready?
About 10 PM things started looking hopeful. The nurse said it would be soon. I asked her for literature about the drugs I would be receiving. The plan was to give me all three, one after another, beginning with the Taxol. It was anticipated it would take about 5 or 6 hours, counting the premedications.
I had not been afraid of the Taxol, as I had frequently given it in oral form to breast cancer survivors, and noted no special problems. I was worried about the carboplatin and the vepecid. On reading the information. however, I saw the ranking of my fears would have to be revised.
The nurse gave me a printout from a professional handbook concerning Taxol or Paclitaxel as it is also known. With mounting concern, I read the list of possible adverse reactions, including the magnificent passive voice sentence: "Deaths have occurred."
I had discussed at length with the nurse my wishes regarding no cardiac resuscitation or intubation, but I did want to know if other, less drastic measures could be taken. Accordingly, when she returned, I asked her what equipment would be in the room and what rescue drugs were available. She replied she would gather the information and return. On her return, she announced that nothing was available.
I told her if there was any other drug she could give me, I would not let her give me this one. (I had a bad feeling.) However, since this was my chance, the big gun against cancer, with the carboplatin and vepecid being thought of as helpers, I wanted to go ahead.
Accordingly, she premedicated me with a steroid, to decrease the chance of anaphylactic shock, an antihistamine, and a drug to decrease the risk of nausea. When she finished, it was midnight. She hooked up the big bag of medication and left the room. I had decided I must remain awake, although I was exhausted from the stresses of the day. I was chatting to Timothy, who had kindly agreed to talk to me so late at night. It was 2 AM for him, but he was going to keep me company. All the time I was hospitalized, he was my strong support, and tonight would be the night I needed him most.
Just a few seconds after the drip started, I felt a burning sensation, quickly followed by a warm glow spreading out over my body. I did not think it could be the drug, as I felt it was too soon. I stood up to look at the drip, but could not really tell. I told Timothy something was wrong and I was going to call the nurse. I reached for the call button, but did not succeed in using it.
The nurse was just finishing washing her hands in the sink outside my room when she heard me make a vocal noise. She ran back in to find me collapsed back on my bed. I am always considerate of my co-workers, you see. However, I was not dressed in the best of taste, as my skin was turning purple, as she told me later, and my eyes had rolled up in my head!
Timothy, meantime, was not getting any response from me on the phone. He called the nurses' station and was told to call back in fifteen minutes. He did this, identifying himself as my fiance, which indeed he was at one time, in order to have some leverage to extract information. The nurse answering the phone then asked him, "Is she really DNR (do not resuscitate)?" Despite his fears that in so doing he was killing me, he backed me up and told the nurse to follow my expressed wishes. I can never thank him enough for supporting me in this. I regard it as the mark of truest affection.
My parents, who had just gone to bed a little while before, were called and told to "get here right away". Thanks to Timothy, they did not also have the pain of deciding my resuscitation status.
<tangent> I hope this episode in my story warns everyone how important it is not only to announce your wishes and obtain doctors' orders, but to make sure all your loved ones will back you in a crisis.
Where was I during all this? Not following a white light, meeting deceased loved ones, floating above my body, or looking at my life as it appears in eternity. I was just_ not_there.
And then I was! What happened next makes me angry, so I want to process my feelings and decide the best way to post about it.
I will see you all again. And to you all, "what can I say but thanks, and thanks, and again, thanks."
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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Gill H
Shipmate
# 68
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Posted
Molly, what can I say but (((hugs))). Glad you're still able to post.
I do hope someone can get the music for the Jonah song. It sounds very fitting for a shiply tribute - just the right mixture of silliness and sanctity. (Ah, my alliteration pills must have kicked in!)
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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.
- Lyda Rose
Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Sparrow
Shipmate
# 2458
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Thank you for the heads-up on the new Pratchett, Sparrow. I love the chronicles concerning the Guards, as I take it this one is. By the way, I think my favorite Pratchett character is the Patrician.
Yes Molly, the new book is about the Guards and apparently features the Patrician heavily! I can't wait, he's my favourite character too. So cool and calm and in control, yet you feel there are tremendous hidden depths.
The book is apparently due out simultaneously in the UK and US on 7 November - but confusingly, Terry is supposed to be signing copies in a SF bookshop in London on 2nd! Just say if you would like me to try and get you a copy then, I'll be waiting on the shop doorstep that day to get my own copy, so it'll be no trouble. I can get it in the mail to you the same day!
Sparrow (alter ego of Magrat!)
Posts: 3149 | From: Bottom right hand corner of the UK | Registered: Mar 2002
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sophs
Sardonic Angel
# 2296
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Posted
God Bless you Miss Molly, And in the Words of Mr. Prattchett: Theres always time for another throw of the dice!
Posts: 5407 | From: searching saharas of sorrow | Registered: Feb 2002
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Clíona
Shipmate
# 2035
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Posted
Dearest Molly,
Again, here I am reading this on my lunchbreak, wondering when I will ever remember that I shouldn't because of the effect it has on me...
But then, you have a good effect. You take me out of my trivial day to day moans and remind me to rejoice in life, not death. Thankyou.
Would you believe I've never been to the Brazen Head? ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) Isn't that disgraceful? And me an Irish woman! I wonder what it's like now...is it still Ankh-Morporkian, or has it been revamped for the Tourists? Hmm...checks diary...maybe I'll go and check and give you a report!
It's a beautiful clear, cold October day here again. Fluffy clouds are scudding across a pale blue sky in the wind, sailing out to sea. Trees are trying valiantly to hold on to their summer covering, turning red and yellow with the effort, only to let go eventually. Children are collecting dead wood and disgarded tyres for bonfires ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) and wearing maskes and witches' hats they made in school. The world is getting ready for winter, but oh so magnificently rejoicing in the present.
With much love,
Cliona
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Starting (yet) again...
Posts: 1262 | From: Back in Dublin | Registered: Dec 2001
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ChrisT
One of the Good Guys™
# 62
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Posted
(( Miss Molly ))
Don't know what to say really, but I'm glad you're still fighting! Keep it up ![[Not worthy!]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
ChrisT
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Firmly on dry land
Posts: 6489 | From: Here, there and everywhere | Registered: May 2001
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Ancient Mariner*
SOF Co-editor
# 105
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Posted
OK, MM, so which 'deceased loved ones' would you LIKE to have met when you collapsed in a heap on the bed - and why?
Consider this a sort of Mystery Worshipper proforma. No more than 50 words per loved one - to include description and virtues.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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'Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico...'
Jesus to Homer Simpson
Posts: 1087 | From: St Helens (near Liverpool) UK | Registered: May 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Miss Molly, I am fearful that something happened to you while you were awake but they thought you were under. I am praying that is not what happened and I am concerned, my dear.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
Dear MM:
My husband is already percolating thoughts about music to send to you.
He has a good voice for leading certain types of music... the shaped-note, singing-school heritage, the stuff like:
"Brethren, we have met to worship
And adore the Lord our God.
Will you pray with all your power,
While we try to sing the Word?
All is vain unless the Spirit
Of the Holy One comes down!
Brethren, pray, and holy manna
Will be showered all around."
Kind of a slightly nasal very determined baritone.
I pray for your tranquility. ![[Happy]](graemlins/happy2.gif) ![[Sunny]](graemlins/flowerface.gif)
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Brojees
Shipmate
# 3333
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Posted
Miss Molly,
You do not know me nor my person, but as we share a faith in the Lord of Lords, the King of Kings may I ask you to aid in prayer?
A gent by the name of John Nicholas Kennedy is dying of cancer. He is not a Christian in any aspect and firmly declares his oppostion. Recent catostrophic events have served to soften his resolve, we exist day by day here in a land of turmoil. In his fear he may be reaching out.
Would you pray that he may find the Lord?
God Bless you,
Brojees
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Revelations 3:
15. "I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish you were one or the other!
16. But since you are like lukewarm water, I will spit you out of my mouth!
17. You say, 'I am rich. I have everything I want. I don't need a thing!' And you don't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.
Posts: 155 | From: making disciples of all the nations | Registered: Sep 2002
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
Dear Molly,
Firstly I thank you for your kind words and prayers to Beethoven yesterday about me. I will email you all the details later!
As for Terry P's books, personally speaking I loved 'Soul Music' but must admit that the 'Hogfather' was rather good too. I have read Soul Music more times than I can mention - but I guess there is no real surprise there!
I have just come home from town - no virtual tour for you today since it was full of scraming children tearing around on skateboards, dithery people not really knowing what to do or where to go, people Christmas shopping!!! - Yes! Already! - and people generally being annoying! Saturday shopping is not a good idea in my opinion. Anyway, I now have nice new spectacles and even managed to find a birthday card for a friend hiding away in the swamp of Christmas things! I must share a funny moment with you Molly - In the card shop I heard a rather loud voice saying "Molly, Molly , where are you?" I confess I thought to myself, she's here sitting on my shoulder where she always is! (I hasten to add that the Molly in question was sitting by the cuddly toys.) I also took the lastest camera film in to be developed - so you should have some more photos soon as promised.
Jessie and Brandy are fine and well and send you their warmest hugs. J is great too although shivering at work as I type. We all send our love to you.
Please keep the stories coming if you feel that you can. Dad has many stories of the length of time it took him to actually be given his Chemo treatments. He got most frustrated just sitting in the room all wired up and no Chemo in sight! Mind you, he was grateful at times since he hated having to wear his little black box for a week afterwards.. how many times he set the alarm off!!! - we lost count! They also send you their love - they are home on Tuesday after ten days away house hunting; sadly still no joy. But we are almost certain that their house will be sold before the end of this year.
Enough from me just now.
Love, hugs and God bless!
The Dolphy clan. xxx
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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daisymay
St Elmo's Fire
# 1480
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Posted
Terry Pratchett - I like the Truckers trilogy. I love these mini space people. And I laugh out loud when I've been reading them; I think I've been prejudiced about the others as my grown-up son tends to wander round the house reading extracts out loud and expecting me to listen. ![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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London
Flickr fotos
Posts: 11224 | From: London - originally Dundee, Blairgowrie etc... | Registered: Oct 2001
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Dear friends, I post this to let you all know I am all right. However, I don't think I will be able to continue the saga today, as I have an errand to do and must save energy for it.
I would just like to respond to a few of your kind posts.
GillH, I finally got the computer to show me your picture at the Croydon Meet. It was such a pleasure to see you. As for the music to the Big Fish song, I am at a loss where you might find it. I learned it from a children's TV show called the Songbag over 20 years ago. However, if people would like, I will sit down with someone I know who can read music and have him transcribe it as I sing it.
Cliona, the last time I was at the Brazen Head it had been tarted up for the Millennium celebrations (the preceding year). It now had patio seating outside and a fairly posh inside. Thank goodness the poshness did not ruin the Guinness! I am grateful to you for another description of dear old Ireland.
Ancient Mariner, I already know who will come for me. I saw her out of the corner of my eye the other evening, just as I used to see her just after her death. It is my childhood cat, Pookie, who taught me love and respect for others. She also gave great love to my brother, sister, and me, lying in bed with us and nursing us when we were ill, and attempting to follow us to school. I know as my time draws nearer, I will see her more often and more clearly.
Quite right, my Sophs! And have you heard the saying, "Trust God but cut the cards."?
Brojees, I will pray for your friend, but I just want to say that I believe we all are in God's hand. If a person cannot honestly believe, it is important for him to remain in his sincere unbelief, not be pressured by well-meaning friends. Your friend lives a Mystery just now, let it speak to him. God will sort these things out. He made us to have integrity and freedom; your friend's allotments of these qualities are important to Him. I will pray also for you, as your post shows how important your friend is to you. May God bless both of you.
Janine, bless you for your intentions. You are one of the "kind friends whose tender care has.. engaged my love", as mentioned in that great shaped note hymn, "I'm a long time travelling here below".
Sparrow, I am sorely tempted by your generous offer. How could I get money to you in time? If you would PM me with a way, I would be delighted to have this book. I have never bought a hardbound Pratchett, but I have decided to indulge myself!
Chastmaster, I loved Good Omens.
Thank you for your post, Dolphy, and for passing on all that love. I got your lovely photos yesterday and the great CD. Jack does have beautiful eyes.
I must go now, dear friends, but in the words of the song, "Here's a health to the company"
"I will always remember your kindness to me"
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Greetings, jadies and lentlemen of the Ship! I hope those of you who are asleep are snoozing deeply and not snoring too loudly, that those of you who have just finished with church have a good dinner to look forward to (and a good left-over supper as well), that those of you who are thinking about rising are not feeling too creaky, and that the night owls are up for their pleasure, not due to pain or anxiety.
When I arrived in the land of the conscious and cranky again, my mother says I immediately started barking orders: "Let me sit up! I need IV fluid! Why isn't she giving me IV fluid?" Whether the nurses had no clue and were genuinely glad to have someone bark orders, or whether they had recovered from their dismay and were now able to work, my bed was cranked up at the head, and the IV nurse put in an appearance to start another IV, as using the one I had would put another cc or so of Taxol in my system. They could not risk it, as only 4 cc, less than a minute's worth of the infusion had nearly done for me.
I am a person who is allergic, not to Taxol, but to the diluent necessary to carry it into the body. The diluent had caused me to go into shock. The warm glow I felt was my blood heading into my capillary circulation, resulting in my blood pressure plummeting. My mother told me that when she and my father arrived I was fire-engine red and hot as an oven to the touch. This was due to the blood being so close to the skin.
Your Grace, it was very fortunate I was awake and able to make a noise, as I would certainly have been dead when the nurse next came to check on me.
As it was, my room was full of activity for awhile. Sitting up with a nasal cannula for oxygen proved not to be enough, so I was fitted with a mask, and then as I grew sleepy and was nodding, with the C-Pap. My dear mother obtained iced fruit juice and cold wet washcloths, giving me sips and tenderly wiping my face and neck. Nothing ever tasted so good as that juice, nothing ever was so healing as her touch with that wet cloth.
I became concerned with finding a priest to come and give me the annointing and if possible, the Sacrament. I am ashamed to say I barked at my mother, too, telling her how to find a priest in the phone book. Poor woman, in her anxiety, and because my instructions were not clear, she could not. I said "never mind"! In a moment or so. a clearer mind came to me, thank God, and I realized that I did not need a priest as I had been annointed and received the Sacrament just a day or so before. What I needed was someone who could pray. The Lord who always provides arranged for my help in this extremity, too.
My father is an elder in a church that believes in annointing and laying on of hands, and has many times prayed for people. Oddly enough, he had received a gift of a small metal tube to hang on his key ring, so that he might carry oil with him always. That night was the first time he would open it.
He annointed my forehead and prayed with great power and sweetness. I weep remembering it. Peace came to me with his prayer. I believe that it was meant that he should pray. He has told me since that because I am not a member of his church anymore, he felt I might not believe in his calling. This was a sad thing for him to think, and in my asking him to exercise his office, he received a healing also.
By now, I was very, very exhausted, and had pretty much done all I could. The nurses had transferred a call from Timothy into my room, allowing me to reassure him I was really alive and likely to remain that way. I don't know how much sense I made talking to him but my conversation was probably not an example of lapidary art. I handed the phone to my mother, as I recall, and then remembered I had one more thing to tell Timothy. Before I went swimming in the depths, we had been talking about a medication he needed but was finding it difficult to take, and what measures might assist him to tolerate it. I called to my mother, "Tell him he must take his pills!"
Then I really had to rest, but I knew I would not be able to tolerate lying on my back, so I asked to be turned on my left side. My mother bathed my back to cool it. The nurses left, having hooked me up to a machine that would automatically take my blood pressure, and one that would measure the oxygen saturation in my blood.
Here is the part where I lose my Christianity, dear shipmates. I think the original nurse had simply never seen a severe reaction before, and so she forgot that she should remain with me for the first fifteen minutes at least of the infusion. This is standard practice for blood tranfusions, for Amphoterrible (Amphoteracin B), and for any other drug that can cause life threatening reactions.
But what happened next is very hard for me to understand. The nurses left and did not come back to check in fifteen minutes, or in thirty, or in an hour! My parents were left watching monitors which were essentially useless, as no nurse was checking the results. The alarm on the saturation monitor was not turned on, and the vital signs machine was not designed to give an alarm at all. My parents watched as my blood pressure gradually sank again, and my oxygen saturation decreased. Finally, my father said he would go to the nursing station. When he arrived, no other emergency was in progress, and no work of any kind was holding the staff's attention. Instead, a couple of staff member's appeared to be sleeping, and the others were chatting.
He persuaded them to come with him. My blood pressure was 53 diastolic and headed south, my oxygen saturation was in the low 80's instead of above 90%. He asked me the next day how low the diastolic pressure could go. I told him that at less than 40 diastolic my brain and kidneys would begin to die. He had made the right decision in "bothering" the nurses.
I had contributed to the problem in asking to be turned on my left side. My left lung was my "good" lung at this point. They turned me on my right side and again left, but this time my saturation and blood pressure climbed to a normal level and remained there.
Nothing replaces a human being's eyes, hands, and mind. I well remember my obstetrics rotation in nursing school. I was assigned to sit with a post-partum woman, to assess her fundus, massage her uterus, monitor for increased bloody drainage, take vital signs. We did not have widespread use of machines to take vital signs at that time. In fact, we were just beginning to use oxygen saturation monitors routinely. A lapse had occurred, and as we found out later, this lady should have been on such a device. My instructor, however, said, "She had something much better. She had Molly." The machines help a nurse, yes, but all the devices in my room would have accomplished, if my blood pressure and saturation had continued to sink, was to meticulously record my death.
I am furious that my nurses were not vigilant. When Florence Nightingale nightly walked the wards of the hospital at Scutari, she was not being a sweetie. The lamp was not a symbol of holiness; it was to help her keep watch. The death rate went down after the nurses arrived, not just because they cleaned things up and provided smiles, but because a new standard of care was set: someone was to be awake and watching the patients all night long. The current standard is for a nurse to see her non-critical patients at least every two hours. Someone should have checked on me at least every fifteen minutes for the first hour, and if I was stable, every half hour for the next hour. Instead, they left frightened, elderly parents alone to watch over me. They did not explain what had happened to me, or what might happen.
I am trying to think that the nurses may have been terrified, too, and processing the fear. Under ordinary circumstances, as soon as my nurse saw me purple, she would have called the code team. I had forbidden this. So there they were with a patient that had almost died, and could still die. They may have felt helpless and not wanted to come in until I was well and truly gone or until I had survived the night.
I had not needed the measures the code team would probably have taken. Almost certainly I would have been given medication to raise my blood pressure. However, nearly all I had required was what I was barking orders to get: to be put in a body position that would improve my ability to breathe, and to have fluid pumping in to support my blood pressure. This was just basic nursing care, taught to students in their first year.
I am even more furious to think that maybe no one in future will be any safer than I was. It appears, from what my father told me later, that the nurses chose to regard my survival as a miracle. Of course, miracles have nothing to do with the competence of those around--they are just out of the blue!
Yes, it was a miracle. I believe the prayers of shipmates were heard by God. I also believe that a large part of the miracle was my being an experienced nurse, aware of the need to stay awake and monitor myself, and knowing also what orders to yell at my caregivers! In short, I have always been of the school that holds that God gave us brains, hands, eyes, etc, so we might help ourselves and others. "Pray as if everything depends on God ; work as if everything depends on you."
Here endeth the rant. God bless you all, dear shipmates. Please do not think you are in danger every time you enter the hospital!
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
Dear Molly,
I don't really know what to say. I am so very glad that your own skill and your parents' watchfulness and concern and their loving touch and over it all the will of God allowed you to come through this time. (I feel very selfishly glad because I have enjoyed reading what you have written and writing to you so much.) But it is so understandable that you feel so angry. And so infuriating that not only have you had these bad experiences but then you have to come to terms with them in trusting your caregivers in the future and in dealing with the emotions that all this gave rise to.
I hope and pray that all your care in the future will be governed by loving kindness and a high professional standard of expertise. And that your relationship with your parents and with your father in particular will be strengthened and healed further in the time ahead, and that your love for each other and the faith you each have in God will overcome any difference you have in the ways you choose to worship and the finer points of belief. Bless them too at this very difficult time. They must have been so worried and afraid for you. God's love and healing power be with you all Molly.
Love and prayers
WD
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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marmot
Mountain mammal
# 479
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Posted
Sometimes I wonder if people don't misunderstand the order "Do not resuscitate" and think "Do not treat". Have you spoken to anyone in hospital administration about what happened?
Having said that,maybe it will have been a valuable experience for the staff that night, who,having been through it with you, will be more careful with patients who are not as assertive on their own behalf.
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Join me in "The Legion of Bad Monkeys"
Posts: 2754 | From: The land of Saint Damien | Registered: Jun 2001
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duchess
Ship's Blue Blooded Lady
# 2764
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Posted
Miss Molly, thx for sharing what happened. Unbeliveable that the nurse left you alone like that. I am so thankful you made it through. I will continue to pray for you, as my and other shipmates prayers hold you. your father's prayer with the oil was very touching for me to read.
Just half an hour ago, I met a good friend from highschool, Valerie. I have not seen her in 17 years. She was pregnant then. She is 35 now and her daughter is the age Valerie was when I last saw her. She looked young and radiant, like time never past. What is amazing is this young lady has MS. She has had it for 19 years or so. She has even lost sight in one eye...then the other. Her mobility went way down. Then she got chemo which has helped her. She looks normal, doesn't have to use the wheelchair or the walker but has. She literally doesn't know when or if she will use them again.
She is at the end of her chemo...she has had so much that the hospital will not give her anymore after her next treatment. Evidently, a human body can only handle so much. There are new theories (like bee sting therapy)...and even marjuana is said to help certain pains. She won't do the marjuana since her ex husband was stoned 24-7 with it. I told her of a drug I read about Friday that is a suppository of marajuana, I told Valerie about that and she was excited.
Her little 4 year old was with us and precious. Her momma's eyes totally. Valerie is a believer but kind of lax about pursuing her faith (doesn't go to church anymore). Please pray for her to go back to church (I am not sure what faith she is...I think maybe Episcop.). She belongs to Eastern Star. Please pray for her MS too.
Thanks again Miss Molly for your sharing. It means a lot to me to read this thread.
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♬♭ We're setting sail to the place on the map from which nobody has ever returned ♫♪♮
Ship of Fools-World Party
Posts: 11197 | From: Do you know the way? | Registered: May 2002
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
Please please please please please Divine Miss M, print out the post where you told us about the ineptitude, adapt it any way you see fit for the purpose, and PLEASE give it to the hospital administrator. Or at least to the head of the nursing staff.
They need to know how things are working ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif) . They need to know staff are asleep on-shift:snore:.
PUH-leeeeeeeze won't you tattle? ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
Duchess: I have a friend, whom I've known only a couple of years, who has MS. I've never heard from her of any other illness.
She has a lot of nervous-looking mannerisms and the constant amazing ability to blurt out whatever pops up in her mind (a la the grandmother character, who had suffered a stroke, played by Estelle Getty, on "The Golden Girls").
I realize there are several forms of MS, but I had no idea symptoms like my friend's particular quirks were part of the package.
Do you know enough about MS to say, "yes, that's normal" or "no, she must have additional problems"?
I don't think her family is real "up" on her care...
How about you, Miss Molly?
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Lady A
Narnian Lady
# 3126
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Posted
Dear Miss Molly,
Well, I am glad that you are still here! Also glad that you haven't said "Drats, I'm still here, hey, do that again, but more this time!" My daughter is going through some agonies with her nursing choices right now. She's trying to get into the nursing school at Anchorage U. but they say her biochemistry from Jr. college isn't enough and she'll have to take it all over again. She so dreads doing that again! She also is looking at getting out of the military in a year, and where to go after that, or just stay in. Being a Mom, I said "Get the heck out of there before the world situation gets any worse!!!" Anything you've heard on good programs and schools that I can send her way? I may also copy all your saga and send to her, and that may give her some incentive to really work at stuff because it can be soooo important to the patients. Any good words of encouragement I will also pass on to her!
![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif) What else do you put for a nurse?
Love always,
Lady A
Posts: 2545 | From: The Lion's Mane, Narnia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Bronwyn
Shipmate
# 52
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Posted
Miss Molly Greeting from Pakistan. Internet connections are slow and erratic but we are ok.
Will tell you more when back in Australia,
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Fragile X syndrome is part of our lives. Someone I love makes me proud who has this syndrome. I love you Miriam.
Posts: 1221 | From: Melbourne (Australia) | Registered: May 2001
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Dear friends, I don't know if I shall be able to post to this thread for the next couple of days, and I regret to say I lack time at present to continue the saga. I wanted though, to greet you from Utah, and to thank you for your continuing concern.
I hope I shall never have to worry about my caregivers again, as I intend never to be admitted to the hospital again. My chemotherapy takes place in Doctor Reilly's office, and I tolerate it well, so I have no fear. There is no other treatment they can offer me for my cancer that I will accept. I do not plan to have stents placed or laser treatment of my bronchial tubes if/when the cancer again invades them. These treatments would require general anesthesia and intubation, which I will never permit again. I am to be interviewed by Hospice, which will be able to manage most things for me at home. If I develop pneumonia, for example, they can give me morphine to decrease my need for oxygen, and so any discomfort or fear that comes with the sickness. I will not permit antibiotics to be given, as pneumonia in my case will be a friend, just as it used to be considered for the elderly.
I thought about reporting all those involved that night, but decided I did not have the energy to fight the thing through. I would be leaving the fight to my parents soon, and they do not have the energy either. Please pray, friends, for good nurses to become better, and for careless nurses to improve.
Your Grace, I will certainly pray for your friend, and think of her when I attend our chapter meeting in November, as I very much hope to do. I am glad you had this meeting with her, and hope you two will be able to remain in touch.
Jolie Janine, my only suggestion would be to look on google for MS information. The tics made me think of Tourette's syndrome, but you do not mention involuntary vocalizations such as barking.
Lady A, your concern to get your daughter out of harm's way is most understandable. It is very frustrating to have one's earlier courses dismissed as not good enough. I would imagine if she contacted the state nurses' association they would be able to give her good leads on programs/schools. She might want to remain in Alaska! From what I read, the state is innovative. There is a shortage of nurses there, as everywhere, but I have a feeling they might have more flexible programs to encourage entry into nursing. I am glad she is setting her sights on a BSN. I feel I received an excellent nursing education, but without the BSN, my opportunities have been somewhat limited. It is important to get your BSN to begin with, as once you begin to work, all kinds of things, including just plain bone weariness seem to get in the way.
May God bless and keep all of you.
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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dolphy
Lady of Perpetual Responsiblity
# 862
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Jack does have beautiful eyes.
Why thank you Molly - I think so too!!! I will be sure to pass your comment on this evening!!!!
Off to send you an email now.
All our love and hugs,
Dolphy, Jack, Brandy and a freshly bathed and now fluffy Jessie! xxx
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Looking forward to my rock moving closer again.
Posts: 15134 | From: my camper van | Registered: Jul 2001
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
Miss M:
My plea to you to "rat" on the nurses/attendants was not, believe it or not, along the lines of "Smite them! Pound them! Fire them! Kill them now!"...
I really-truly wish the administrators to know about a knothole in their pirougue, that's all.
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Bronwyn
Shipmate
# 52
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Posted
Connection is bad here I thought I posted this yesterday. Sean and I are both really well and having a great time. Catch up in Australa
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Fragile X syndrome is part of our lives. Someone I love makes me proud who has this syndrome. I love you Miriam.
Posts: 1221 | From: Melbourne (Australia) | Registered: May 2001
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Bronwyn
Shipmate
# 52
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Posted
The nursing care you recieved is discusting I just want to say. Rest assured I would do a lot more for you. I HATE hospitals...
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Fragile X syndrome is part of our lives. Someone I love makes me proud who has this syndrome. I love you Miriam.
Posts: 1221 | From: Melbourne (Australia) | Registered: May 2001
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Dear Shipmates, just sneaking in a quick post as a reward to myself for completing a task I had been putting off!
Janine, imagine me slapping my forehead in disgust with myself! No doubt there is an MS Society branch near you, who could direct you to information and support groups. Some support groups are even on-line, I believe. The people in these groups, by living with the disease, acquire a very good understanding, and could help you and your friend to know what is going on.
I have decided, too, Janine, that on Wednesday, when I see him, I will tell Doctor Reilly about the nurses' failure. As they care routinely for his patients in the hospital, I believe he needs to know. I know you did not mean your post as a "kill 'em all" one, but just to express your thought that someone who could change things should know.
Dear Sister K, I know very, very well that you care for your patients with vigilance and compassion. I hope your journey continues safe and pleasant.
To continue our serial...
Marian called the nurses' station about 6 AM to see how things had gone. She was told I had passed a quiet night, that I had been sitting up in a chair, but had now been helped back to bed. She had been calling every morning to check my condition, and the staff knew she was a nurse. You can imagine her fury when she heard the true account of the night's events!
Early in the morning the resident came to see me. I had been piecing together in my mind what my symptoms must have meant, for certainly none of the nurses bothered to tell me or my parents. I told him what I thought had happened, and he agreed with my diagnosis!
The nurse who had administered the chemo came in to say goodbye and to tell me that courtly, calm, Dr Reilly, on being notified of my reaction to the Taxol, actually said, "oh, shit!"
The nurses' aide came in to check my vital signs. My blood pressure was good now, so I asked to sit up. The aide told me I could not. After she left, I knew the nurse for the day would be in soon and decided to present her with a fait accompli. I carefully rolled on my side, and sat up, dangling my legs over the bedside. When the day nurse came in, I informed her I was not in the least dizzy, that I would stand for her and walk for her (and I did so before she could stop me), but I needed to go to the toilet! She released me from my IV tubing, and I was able to go and relieve myself in a dignified manner.
Doctor Reilly came in and asked if I remembered what had happened the night before. I gave him an account, leaving out the nurses' behavior. I said, "This means no Taxol, right?", which he affirmed. I then inquired, "Will the other drugs help without the Taxol?", to which he also gave an affirmative answer. He seemed to be surprised, though, and asked, "Are you game?!?" I said I had to try. We agreed that the carboplatin and vepecid would be given later that day.
My mother has commented since that my near-death seems to have been a turning point. Prior to this experience, I had been fairly passive, and as Marian says, I looked like I was just wishing people would go away and let me die in peace. Presented with the real possibility of shuffling off my mortal coil, I apparently changed my mind at some deep level. Mother says, "When you started barking orders at them, I thought 'aha, she is going to fight!'"
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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Ancient Mariner*
SOF Co-editor
# 105
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Posted
Fight on, Molly.
How dare you even think of withdrawing your wisdom from us at this time.
It may be injury time but some of the most significant goals have been scored with the whistle dangling in the referee's mouth.
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'Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear on a tortilla in Mexico...'
Jesus to Homer Simpson
Posts: 1087 | From: St Helens (near Liverpool) UK | Registered: May 2001
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Ham'n'Eggs
Ship's Pig
# 629
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Posted
Surrey Constabulary - Farnham Forensic Laboratories
21 October 2002
Dear Mr Sidle,
RE: Brown Paper submitted for forensic analysis
The address, as you have previously remarked, is smudgey.
Here are the results of the Electro-Static Detection Apparatus test:
Indentations commensurate with a letter having been written whilst in contact with the brown paper. ESDA supplies the following text -
quote:
Dear Ms Smudgie,
It is so very generous of you to open your home to the offspring of impulse and calamity, without any hope of reward. May heaven bless you, I fear that none other will come your way by it.
Please make sure that the unfortunate creature is brought up in the full knowledge that God is not to be mocked, and that there is an awe-ful day of reckoning, at which he will receive most particular scrutiny.
The pouch of jewels in the infant's right bootee are to be held in trust until he comes of age. I am sure that you will honour this sacred trust.
The Ursulines will pray daily that God will aid you in your solemn duty, and will curse you with addictory afflictions if you fail.
May Our Lord and his Holy Mother be with you,
Mary
Mother Superior
The Convent of the Ursulines
Yours faithfully,
Jack Hardcastle (Inspector)
P.S. I shall call at your office on Thurday. Gilbeys is AOK!
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"...the heresies that men do leave / Are hated most of those they did deceive" - Will S
Posts: 3103 | From: Genghis Khan's sleep depot | Registered: Jun 2001
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Alas, the shame of Sophie Aubrey, and her rakish seducer, Olorin, comes to light! Truly, there is no way to bury sin deep enough, or cast it into a sufficient depth of ocean.
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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Lady A
Narnian Lady
# 3126
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Posted
Miss Molly,
Yes, I agree, I think to stay at home is the right thing to do. However, do not pack your bags and be waiting at the door when God has not even ordered the taxi for you yet! (He has still to train Pookie to drive after all! And we all know how notorious it is to get cats to do anything..)
Lady A
Posts: 2545 | From: The Lion's Mane, Narnia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
Greetings from another time zone Molly!
It does feel strange being online when most of my fellow Brits are tucked up in bed. Pitch black outside, no signs of the dawn chorus (yes, the cat hasn't yet twigged that I'm up and about!)
Hopping off to see what you've all been posting about.
love
Miffy
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Hello again, dear shipmates.
Ma jolie Janine, I looked on the net today for the Multiple Sclerosis Society. They have a well-designed and informative home page, complete with a feature that lets you type in a zip code to find the support group nearest you.
I also spoke with a friend, and she tells me tics and sudden blurtings-out of thoughts can be features of this sad illness. I hope the web page and a support group are some help ot you and your friend.
Ancient Mariner, I really am not much good on non-baseball metaphors, but if you mean that a team member can "play hurt" and still score for his side, rest assured I am still on the ship's team. I appreciate your doing the wave, by the way! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Lady A, I loved the thought of Pookie at the wheel. If determination would meet the case, she has enough determination to let her drive a Mack truck.
Dear Marchioness of Miff, how good to see you. How have you kept Mephi from knowing you are awake? Cotton balls stuffed carefully in his furry ears, maybe? Of course, you would never stoop to putting brandy in his nightly cream!
And now our feature presentation:
Accordingly, that day I received the carboplatin and the Vepecid. The Vepecid made me suddenly nauseous, and I could not ensure that all the vomitus reached the proper receptacle. I thus caused the dreaded "chemotherapy spill", which had to be cleaned up by gowned, gloved and masked personnel! After throwing up, I was still quite queasy, which was a good sign, as it meant the pill was probably still in my system, and had not been vomited. I was given some medication after an episode of dry heaves, and then I was fine.
I went to bed, and the next morning I was to be released. A social worker had come to see us, my parents and myself, and I regret to say was not much help. The problem was I slipped through too many cracks. I needed a place to stay while having my chemotherapy pills. I could not stay in the housing the hospital maintains because of my need for constant oxygen. I was not ill enough to go to a care facility. I could not go back to the Hammargrens with whom I lived for almost 5 years, because my immune system was at risk from the cats. I could not afford the average motel. Finally, I had decided we just needed to find something and we would work it out once I was released. I was able to locate a motel that would take me at a reduced rate as I was technically still a patient, and had cooking facilities to further cut down on expense. My parents elected to stay where they were.
An respiratory therapist came the morning of my release, bringing a portable oxygen tank with her, and explaining how my home needs would be handled. However, it turned out that the company they thought would be handling me would refuse on the grounds of my unfunded status. She left, taking the tank with her, as though fearful we might steal it and sneak out of the hospital.
I was exhausted, so when next she came in and I happened to be in the loo, I remained there and let my parents' tempers handle the situation. Finally, after they got mad and the therapist also expressed her anger at the system, she went and used her anger where it apparently did some good. Now I had oxygen for the journey and a company alerted to set me up with my "cow" and my C-Pap machine.
We packed, and my father went down to get my prescriptions. I signed the forms the nurse gave me. Thinking we had everything, we left. On the way to my temporary abode at the Homestead Village Suites, we stopped by my parish church. I wanted to leave a beautiful bouquet my uncle had sent me, in thanksgiving to God for bringing me through pain and danger. I was not able to leave the car, but my father gave it to the receptionist to be placed in the small Chapel of the Resurrection, where I used to worship at the Eucharist.
We arrived at the Suites and got me settled, and arranged for the oxygen. That evening I was looking through my various pill bottles to get out my evening ones. I noticed that there was no Vepecid. I called the ward, a nurse looked at the records, and somehow, Vepecid had slipped the mind of the resident and of Dr Reilly. She called him at home and he duly called the hospital pharmacy so it would be ready for my father to make another 4 mile trip to get it.
I felt badly about this. The pharmacy had already hassled my father. The bill for my medications, exclusive of the chemotherapy pill was about $318, which they handed him expecting payment. He explained I was to be on medicaid. With a poor grace, they checked and grudgingly agreed. Not only this, but they were reluctant to give him some anti-emetic suppositories that were ordered, in case I might be too nauseous to take pills to control my vomiting. "They are very expensive!" My father told them he didn't care; they were what was ordered.
So I was not at all eager for him to have to face the pharmacy staff again. However, he succeeded in wresting my prescription from them without any lectures as to expense. In case you are wondering, each Vepecid pill costs $57.20.
I duly took my Vepecid and elected to remain in my armchair for the night, as this seemed the most comfortable thing to do. My parents went off to their motel, hoping no further entertainments were planned for their diversion. I hoped I would not throw up, but I really didn't much care what else happened. I was walking through the thickest molasses and seeing through vaseline.
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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Fudge
Pictish free citizen
# 425
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Posted
Dear Molly,
Gee whizz! I really think I would have gone insane in the situations you've been in this week! It will teach me to not sweat the "small stuff", as right now, a month's worth of multimedia work has gone down the virtual plughole because I saved it in a newer version of the program than the college has, and would you credit it, it ISN'T backwards compatible!
HUM!
Anyway, that's nothing compared to those stupid nurses. They seem to forget you are a still-living breathing human being, not a number on a chart. May they be taught a lesson from this!
Anyway, keep hanging on dude, it isn't time yet, obviously.
((hugs))
Fudge
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Stay me flagons ... or maybe tappit hens.
Posts: 347 | From: Aberdeen | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Dear Molly, the more I read the more convinced I am that it really is a miracle that you're here to post at all, and the way you've handled the situation is something I can only admire. I've always been scared of hospitals - the smell of antiseptic, and sharp cold glittering instruments - and hope fervently never to have to go into one - but I suspect much of my fear is based on ignorance.
I had to smile wryly at the account of your throwing up suddenly and in the wrong place at the wrong time. This seems to have been rather a feature of my own life, especially as a child, and I number amongst my successes the Eiffel Tower, Victoria Station in London, and an ashtray in the Commodore Hotel, Beirut. This last was one of those posh ashtrays on a stand, that has a button-operated cover. I've always wondered whether the next smoker that came along would suddenly have been cured forever of any desire to smoke by finding when he'd finished his cigarette that someone had mysteriously puked in his ashtray.
Can I ask how you are doing in day to day life at present - whether you are able to enjoy a good lunch, and maybe get out for some fresh air at the time of writing? It's a beautiful day here, cool but sunny, after a few days of heavy rain that turned the pavements into deep puddles, sent small streams cascading down hilly streets, caused drivers passing by to shower pedestrians with tidal waves, and flooded the fields so that they are still small lakes and bogs with seagulls perched on the waters and disconsolate cows grazing glumly on the waterlogged fringes. I love rain, and don't mind getting wet, but I have discovered that my shoes leak in wet weather. They don't generally do this on a dry day, so I'm in two minds about ditching them.
Anyhow I shall wish you all the very best as usual and squelch off to have lunch. Take care now.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Lady A
Narnian Lady
# 3126
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Posted
May I suggest to Pookie to try a St. Peterbuilt?!? (heavens, I don't think they have a St. Sebastianbuilt! Maybe they should!)
Posts: 2545 | From: The Lion's Mane, Narnia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
Thanks for the suggestions, Miss Molly. Re: the support group. There's a drawback, or a delay, before I can take her there.
I need to give a little more time for the church elders' work upon the hearts and guilty (I hope) consciences of my friend's husband and grown sons. They apparently are so irritated, dealing with her affliction(s), that they long ago stopped taking her anywhere.
Her husband comes with her on Sunday mornings to worship; that's something. But, we have regular gatherings to eat together, women get together for Bible study, prayer meetings, etc. We try to be a community of believers serving the Lord together... it's not just about showing up for a sterile hour or two on Sunday morning.
Jane comes to as many of these gatherings as she can find a ride for. Various church women carry her to events. But, she misses a lot, and her condition is certainly not so bad that she needs to be confined to her home! She's lonely.
So, we would love to see her taken by her husband and the boys to support group meetings. It would be one thing they could do for her that would help her, and perhaps help them to be more involved in caring for her as a person, and not just a burden. Maybe some exposure to others & how they work with their spouses/mothers, would provoke improvement at Jane's house.
{Confidentially: Compilation One, Sacred/Secular Positivity, on its way...)
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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Miss_Molly
Toujours gai
Beloved
# 2339
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Posted
Dear Shipmates, how are you? I hope the Oz shipmates are safely tucked in bed, in whatever sleeping garments they voted for, that the UK and Continental shipmates had a supper more entertaining than spaghetti and beans on toast, and that the USA shipmates are struggling through another day without too many hassles.
I see I have inadvertently misled Fudge. Dear Fudge, the last few postings concern events of August, and were written to show that indeed nurses are bad patients. Please know that nothing so vile is happening to me now. I am living in a nice little flat, the only nurse I see is my dear and trustworthy friend, Marian, and I am very happy.
Lady A., I laughed and laughed at the image that arose of Pookie standing on a truck seat, her paws extended on a wheel, her plumey tail up to help her balance, and a well-remembered look of responsibility and concentration on her face!
Ma jolie Janine, I am glad you mentioned your friend's name; now I can pray for her using it. I am also praying that her husband and sons may find a stirring in their hearts of the love for her I am sure is there, and may be able to receive her love however obscured it may be by her tics and blurtings. With this love, may they find joy in her company and pleasure in taking her the places she would like to go.
Ariel, dear Sprite of Oxford, thank you for the word-painting of an English rainy day. I laughed at the sly humor of the line regarding your shoes. It reminded me of the grudging Arkansawyer host in the "Arkansas Traveller", who couldn't repair the roof during a rain storm, and didn't need to otherwise.
I don't actually leave my apartment anymore, except for doctor's visits. Yesterday, I was treated to the sight of many beautiful autumn trees along Seventh East, the road we use to reach the Salt Lake Clinic. This is a glorious autumn, with glowing colors. There are green trees holding torches of a deep, almost marooney scarlet up to the sky. There are others of old gold, and a fire-yellow. There are bushes of a dusty rose color. Through my apartment window I am able to watch the changes in the big trees in the park. There is one tree of which I am especially fond. It always seems to wave its branches cordially to me. It is still quite green, but with little bouquets of gold in its branches.
I still enjoy the taste of food, but I have to eat very slowly or pay the price in windedness and coughing. Last night I spent two hours consuming a sandwich. Some things, of course, I can eat faster; it only takes forty-five minutes to consume one of those combination frozen dinners. The upside is that I have license to consume very high calorie combinations. Night before last, for example, Marian was here and fried me some fish and hashedbrown potatoes! I eat cookies and various snack crackers when I can, too. And I have always held "to hell with diet Coke!", but now I drink all that sugar and all that caffeine with impunity!
My hours are good ones, Ariel. I doze a lot, but I doze peacefully. I listen to music; I read slowly but I savor my reading, and although I do not read much of the ship any more, I continue to enjoy the wit, wisdom, exacerbation, silliness, and feuds of shipmates.
The serial describing events in August concludes:
I took the course of Vepecid, gradually came out of the pit of weariness and queasiness I was in, and prepared to move to my apartment. I was glad the w and q was not a permanent thing! I had seriously and sadly wondered if I was trading my last good time, for the surgical interventions had helped so much, for a therapy that might not work and certainly was preventing me from enjoying my remaining time.
An old man was once asked to quote his favorite words from the Bible. He replied, "And it came to pass..", saying he was glad it didn't come to stay! My w and q came to pass also, and I was able to participate in the rest of the story, which has been outlined to you in the update thread and my postings since I came on line again.
Taking up the story from yesterday then, I went to see Doctor Reilly. I had been feeling more short of breath, and having more pain. (The brilliant and warlike rabbits however are successful at all times in quelling it.) I was fully prepared to be told that the last chemo had not worked. The news was actually a bit more ambiguous. It appeared my tumors had not grown, but that indeed I had less breathing capacity in my right lung. The doctor thought this was due to the encroaching effects of the tumors on healthy tissus. Since the carboplatin and vepecid were not shrinking the tumors, he wanted to present two other options to me. I might quit the chemo, and would likely die pretty soon, or I might try a chemo regimen usually used for sarcomas. This would involve three actual chemotherapy drugs and one drug to protect my urinary tract from bleeding as a side-effect. I could expect severe nausea, hair loss, and a much weakened immune system, with infections possibly resulting. He offered this possibility to me because it had, in his estimation, a twenty to thirty percent chance of working well, shrinking the tumors, and giving me a good quality of life for some months. I asked him for time to think it over, and told him I would call him Friday with my decision. In case this was the last time I would see him, I told him about the nurses strange behavior. I judge some changes will be made! I also told him that I had appreciated his care. He remarked that it was difficult to be unable to do more for a person who was "fighting so hard". We are tough old hospital types however, and we did not get mushy, although mush was welling up.
There it stands, dear friends. I have decided one way and decided another, and decided back the first way. May I please have your prayers for God's guidance? I will, of course, let you know what happens!
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"I come from a state that raises corn, and cockleburrs and Democrats, and frothy eloquence neither convinces nor satisfies me. I am from Missouri. You have got to show me"
Congressman Willard Duncan Vandiver at a naval banquet in Philadelphia, 1899
Posts: 1242 | From: home | Registered: Feb 2002
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flev
Shipmate
# 3187
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Posted
Miss Molly, I've never posted to this thread before as it always felt like I'd be intruding, since I've never really exchanged messages with you before. I have to say, though, that I've been reading and praying pretty much since I found this site a couple months ago.
Just to let you know that you're very much in my prayers tonight - may God hold you close in his arms and give you wisdom to make the best choice, and peace with whatever decision you come to.
Much love
Flev
Posts: 402 | From: Right in the middle | Registered: Aug 2002
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welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
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Posted
God bless you Miss Molly. I will be praying for you tonight and I will go light a candle tomorrow.
love WD
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
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Scot
Deck hand
# 2095
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Posted
Father, I bring to you our dear Miss Molly. Though I am tempted, I am not going to ask you to heal her body. You already know my heart. Instead, I am asking you to give Molly the clarity of vision and soundness of judgement that she will need to make a wise decision regarding her future treatment. Especially, please grant her the peace of mind she will need to not second-guess herself once the decision is made.
I know that Molly is prepared to leave this life behind and walk on. But I also know that those of us who are staying are not ready to see her go. We have come to know and love her, even if she does not know us yet. Our lives, made brighter by her presence, will be dimmed by her departure. Lord, please give us the peace and faith to accept those things that are to come.
Thank you, Father, for hearing me.
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“Here, we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 9515 | From: Southern California | Registered: Jan 2002
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Lyra
Shipmate
# 267
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Posted
Dear Miss Molly,
First post to this thread, though I have followed your activiities with much interest and prayer.
Sounds like a tough decision you have to make - please know that I am praying for you each day.
Thank you for all you are
Love
Lyra
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Around and about
Posts: 546 | Registered: May 2001
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multipara
Shipmate
# 2918
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Posted
Dear Miss Molly,
Whatever decision you come to will be the right one for you.
Thinking of you especially tonight when (our time) you will be getting back to the good Dr Reilly.
cheers,
m
Posts: 4985 | From: new south wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
I don't actually leave my apartment anymore, except for doctor's visits. Yesterday, I was treated to the sight of many beautiful autumn trees along Seventh East, the road we use to reach the Salt Lake Clinic. This is a glorious autumn, with glowing colors. There are green trees holding torches of a deep, almost marooney scarlet up to the sky. There are others of old gold, and a fire-yellow. There are bushes of a dusty rose color. Through my apartment window I am able to watch the changes in the big trees in the park. There is one tree of which I am especially fond. It always seems to wave its branches cordially to me. It is still quite green, but with little bouquets of gold in its branches.
I also have not posted to this thread before. Thank you for this vivid and beautiful picture of a Salt Lake City autumn - I have never been there, but I see it in my mind's eye, as if I was standing beside you.
God keep you safe in His arms.
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2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Scarlet
Mellon Collie
# 1738
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Posted
Father,
Your handmaiden Molly desires only to please you and accepts Your will and perfect plan for her. Grant her in Your Mercy, all wisdom and knowledge necessary to make the decision You desire.
Give her peaceful sleep, respite from pain and joy in the morning.
In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
Amen.
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They took from their surroundings what was needed... and made of it something more.
—dialogue from Primer
Posts: 4769 | Registered: Nov 2001
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Equinas
Shipmate
# 2907
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Posted
Praying, Miss Molly. God bless you with His wisdom and His peace.
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Linda
Posts: 567 | From: Deep South, USA | Registered: Jun 2002
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Janine
The Endless Simmer
# 3337
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Posted
Miss M.-
We don't usually have much autumn color. Thanks for the "picture" of your Salt Lake area.
Well, except for the Chinese Tallows... brilliant sunshine yellow, pulsating orangey scarlet, deep edible-looking vermillion, burgundy velvet, lingering green, all those leaves on the same tree.
Bark's usually textured grey-brown, turning black when wet, and the year's spent seed pods having burst, the white seeds still cling to the black twigs...
And there are the Swamp Maples. They're all scarlet.
Otherwise, it's mostly green, with a few shapely tall deciduous trees scattered about naked.
Thanks for any prayers you can breathe for Jane, and especially for her menfolk, all of you Ship denizens.
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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *
Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002
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