Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hell: Fijians say sorry to eaten Briton's family
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Fijians say sorry to eaten Briton's family
This apologizing for past wrongs is getting totally out of hand. I mean, he took the comb out of the chief's head for God's sake. He deserved to become the entree.
Just another example of missionaries trying to destroy a vibrant native tradition, if you ask me.
And if I were one of his descendents, I think I'd be a little leery of attending the reconciliation dinner. [ 30. November 2003, 17:18: Message edited by: Sarkycow ]
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Psyduck
Ship's vacant look
# 2270
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Posted
Ah, but consumption was such a romantic death...
-------------------- The opposite of faith is not doubt. The opposite of faith is certainty. "Lle rhyfedd i falchedd fod/Yw teiau ar y tywod." (Ieuan Brydydd Hir)
Posts: 5433 | From: pOsTmOdErN dYsToPiA | Registered: Feb 2002
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Raspberry Rabbit
Will preach for food
# 3080
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Posted
wondering if it's the family or the Fijians who are going to get their just desserts....
RR MTL
-------------------- ...naked pirates not respecting boundaries... (((BLOG)))
Posts: 2215 | From: In the middle of France | Registered: Jul 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
[harp music as we fade to this scene]
Missionary through interpreter: Why do you have that comb in your hair?
Chief: It got stuck three days ago and I thought it looked rather fetching.
Missionary: Maybe I can help you get it out.
Chief: No really that's all right.
Missionary: Here. [removes comb]
Chief: Um, actually, it is not permitted to touch the chief's head.
Missionary: And how was I supposed to know that?
Chief: Ignorance of the law is no excuse.
Missionary: Bite me.
Chief: Bad thing to say to cannibals. Get him, boys!
[scuffle ensues; harp music over fade to black] [ 14. October 2003, 13:51: Message edited by: Mousethief ]
-------------------- This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Peppone
Marine
# 3855
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Posted
This is the best bit:
quote: One villager who took part in the feast was quoted in contemporary accounts as saying "we ate everything but his boots".
One of his boots is reportedly on display in the Fiji Museum.
The boot is "reportedly" in the museum? It wasn't possible to check? They just looked in the Rough Guide, didn't they?
I wish I was a journalist.
-------------------- I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names, I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.
Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002
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Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026
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Posted
This is my favourite story of the day by FAR....
-------------------- "What have you been reading? The Gospel according to St. Bastard?" - Eddie Izzard
Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002
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Alaric the Goth
Shipmate
# 511
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Posted
[Must stop mis-reading the thread-title as Fenians say sorry to eaten Britons' family ...]
(Am not a member of the DUP!)
Posts: 3322 | From: West Thriding | Registered: Jun 2001
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Scot
Deck hand
# 2095
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Posted
Sine, when I read your second article I kept wondering how, if the accounts were accurate, the Fijians avoided eating themselves into extinction. I think there must be some journalistic liberties in play.
-------------------- “Here, we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 9515 | From: Southern California | Registered: Jan 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Scot: I think there must be some journalistic liberties in play.
Oh surely not. Most of them were written by members of the clergy. I can't believe the clergy would exaggerate.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Alt Wally
Cardinal Ximinez
# 3245
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Posted
This just reconfirms something that I've always believed in deeply and passionately - You can't just go around taking combs out of peoples hair.
Posts: 3684 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Scot
Deck hand
# 2095
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sine Nomine: Oh surely not. Most of them were written by members of the clergy. I can't believe the clergy would exaggerate.
Of course not. Whatever was I thinking? Perhaps I should be punished by being eaten.
-------------------- “Here, we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor tolerate any error so long as reason is left free to combat it.” - Thomas Jefferson
Posts: 9515 | From: Southern California | Registered: Jan 2002
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Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Peppone: I wish I was a journalist.
First you'll have to learn how to use the English subjunctive properly.
-------------------- In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.
I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.
Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Plain Old Wally: This just reconfirms something that I've always believed in deeply and passionately - You can't just go around taking combs out of peoples hair.
My mother taught me never to use someone else's comb. Now I know why.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915
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Posted
quote: From Sine Nomine's second link: At Bau, the people preserve human flesh and chew it as some chew tobacco. They carry it about with them, and use it in the same way as tobacco.
Well, at least they're not smoking cigarettes. Filthy habit.
Posts: 2450 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Have you ever thought of becoming a missionary, Kyralessa?
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Peppone
Marine
# 3855
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by K˙ralessa: quote: Originally posted by Peppone: I wish I was a journalist.
First you'll have to learn how to use the English subjunctive properly.
Well, I'm an English teacher. Don't hold your breath.
Repeat after me: Grammar is descriptive, not prescriptive.
(Actually, I really don't have a scooby what the English- or any other- subjunctive is.)
-------------------- I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names, I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.
Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002
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Rev per Minute
Shipmate
# 69
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by MarkthePunk: I bet the Fijians were just sorry because English food is so bland.
You've been watching Goodness Gracious Me again, haven't you?
Anyway, Brits have adopted curry as our national dish - try eating a chicken vindaloo and call our food bland, punk!
(In fact, if you can speak afterwards, I'll be impressed )
-------------------- "Allons-y!" "Geronimo!" "Oh, for God's sake!" The Day of the Doctor
At the end of the day, we face our Maker alongside Jesus. RIP ken
Posts: 2696 | From: my desk (if I can find the keyboard under this mess) | Registered: May 2001
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Faithful Sheepdog
Shipmate
# 2305
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Posted
Eating you was their form of compliment. But it's one I can do without.
Neil
-------------------- "Random mutation/natural selection works great in folks’ imaginations, but it’s a bust in the real world." ~ Michael J. Behe
Posts: 1097 | From: Scotland | Registered: Feb 2002
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Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271
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Posted
New weight-loss strategy: Fijian cannibalism stories! Read one before every meal.
-------------------- No longer the Bishop of Durham ----------- If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002
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St. Punk the Pious
Biblical™ Punk
# 683
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Rhisiart:
Anyway, Brits have adopted curry as our national dish - try eating a chicken vindaloo and call our food bland, punk!
(In fact, if you can speak afterwards, I'll be impressed )
Oh dear me! Brits can handle hotter food than Texans??
-------------------- The Society of St. Pius * Wannabe Anglican, Reader My reely gud book.
Posts: 4161 | From: Choral Evensong | Registered: Jul 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
Ah! Now we're cookin'
BTW, apparently we taste like pork...(or Spam™, which raises some interesting speculations in my mind.)
Homo Sapiens--The Other White Meat™
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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The Bede's American Successor
Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sine Nomine: Does missionary taste like chicken?
Only if the missionary is less than 21 years old.
-------------------- This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.
—Ezekiel 16.49
Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003
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The Bede's American Successor
Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by K˙ralessa: quote: Originally posted by Peppone: I wish I was a journalist.
First you'll have to learn how to use the English subjunctive properly.
There's a place for Peppone on Fox News. No one will notice there.
-------------------- This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.
—Ezekiel 16.49
Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by The Bede's American Successor: quote: Originally posted by Sine Nomine: Does missionary taste like chicken?
Only if the missionary is less than 21 years old.
21? I thought it was 18. At 21 they're already considered beef, in my cookbook.
And of course that's when I'd make...wait for it...a beef cake.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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The Bede's American Successor
Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sine Nomine: Ah! Now we're cookin'
BTW, apparently we taste like pork...(or Spam™, which raises some interesting speculations in my mind.)
Homo Sapiens--The Other White Meat™
The link above makes many references to "soup to nuts." Shouldn't that phrase be used the other way around?
-------------------- This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.
—Ezekiel 16.49
Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Well, except for the eating part, the Fujiians were only a few hundred years behind the Brits and the rest of the civilized world in drawing and quartering and other assorted tortuous fun and games.
Civilization has only become "nice" relatively recently. At times. When it feels like it.
-------------------- "Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Kyralessa
Shipmate
# 4568
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Peppone: Well, I'm an English teacher. Don't hold your breath.
Repeat after me: Grammar is descriptive, not prescriptive.
Your students must love never getting red marks on their papers.
-------------------- In Orthodoxy, a child is considered an icon of the parents' love for each other.
I'm just glad all my other icons don't cry, crap, and spit up this much.
Posts: 1597 | From: St. Louis, MO | Registered: May 2003
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Josephine
Orthodox Belle
# 3899
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Peppone: Well, I'm an English teacher. <snip>(Actually, I really don't have a scooby what the English- or any other- subjunctive is.)
Please, Peppone, please tell me either that you're joking about being an English teacher, or that you're joking about not knowing what the subjunctive is!
Please?
-------------------- I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!
Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271
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Posted
Just the page titles made me feel a little icky.
-------------------- No longer the Bishop of Durham ----------- If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by josephine: quote: Originally posted by Peppone: Well, I'm an English teacher. <snip>(Actually, I really don't have a scooby what the English- or any other- subjunctive is.)
Please, Peppone, please tell me either that you're joking about being an English teacher, or that you're joking about not knowing what the subjunctive is!
Please?
If I were an English teacher, I'd be sure to know a subjunctive If I were to be sitting on one.
-------------------- Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Eric the half a bee: I'd advise against reading the holocaust-denying material on this site at lunch as well. Or indeed any other time of the day.
Huh? This is just a fun little cannibalism thread. What the hell are you talking about?
I seem to be missing a beat here.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Mad Geo
Ship's navel gazer
# 2939
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Posted
He beamed out to another thread and beamed back in. Ignore him, and do please continue with this most excellent thread.
-------------------- Diax's Rake - "Never believe a thing simply because you want it to be true"
Posts: 11730 | From: People's Republic of SoCal | Registered: Jun 2002
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Lurker McLurker™
Ship's stowaway
# 1384
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sine Nomine: quote: Originally posted by Eric the half a bee: I'd advise against reading the holocaust-denying material on this site at lunch as well. Or indeed any other time of the day.
Huh? This is just a fun little cannibalism thread. What the hell are you talking about?
I seem to be missing a beat here.
Some of the material on the heretical press site you linked to is a bit dubious in nature. The links page is scary.
-------------------- Just War Theory- a perversion of morality?
Posts: 5661 | From: Raxacoricofallapatorius | Registered: Sep 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
It occurs to me that cannibals are probably without racial or ethnic prejudice, since, more than most people, they know we're all the same under the skin.
We could learn from them.
Of course there are people who're convinced, despite evidence to the contrary, that brown eggs taste different than white eggs...
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Lurker McLurker™
Ship's stowaway
# 1384
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Posted
Surely brown eggs taste more natural, like bread. I mean, like brown bread is more natural tasting than white bread, not that brown eggs taste like bread. I've never heard of a blindfold taste test done on eggs.
-------------------- Just War Theory- a perversion of morality?
Posts: 5661 | From: Raxacoricofallapatorius | Registered: Sep 2001
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Eric the half a bee: Some of the material on the heretical press site you linked to is a bit dubious in nature. The links page is scary.
Well, aren't you just Curious George. Of course one assumes they wouldn't call themselves "The Heretical Press" for no reason, now would we?
Besides you don't get a lot of options when you're searching for "Fiji" + "Cannibals".
You take what you can get.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Eric the half a bee: I've never heard of a blindfold taste test done on eggs.
I can't back this up, but I think something to that effect has been done.
Like I said, all the same under the skin. It's a small, small world. (Tying into the Disney thread.)
Of course, this brings up some interesting questions about "You are what you eat."
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
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Posted
What I want to know is: How did they phrase the note of apology?
I mean, this isn't something you'll find in 1001 Useful Letters for Every Occasion or Miss Manners.
Rather reminds me of a bizarre news story I read several years ago. A family was hosting a dinner party one night. Apparently a crack in a waste water pipe had been allowing sludge and slime to build up inside a wall.
The family and guests were at the table, when suddenly that wall, which was one of the dining room walls, gave way, showering everyone with it's contents.
The family offered a $100 prize to anyone who wrote the best apology letter.
-------------------- "The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
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Alt Wally
Cardinal Ximinez
# 3245
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Posted
We apologize for eating your ancestor. We were having a bad day.
What's so tough about that?
Posts: 3684 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Laura
General nuisance
# 10
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Plain Old Wally: We apologize for eating your ancestor. We were having a bad day.
What's so tough about that?
Better yet, and more accurately:
We apologize for eating your ancestor. We were having a bad hair day.
-------------------- Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. - Erich Fromm
Posts: 16883 | From: East Coast, USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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The Bede's American Successor
Curmudgeon-in-Training
# 5042
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Laura: quote: Originally posted by Plain Old Wally: We apologize for eating your ancestor. We were having a bad day.
What's so tough about that?
Better yet, and more accurately:
We apologize for eating your ancestor. We were having a bad hair day.
We need a smiley that represents a rim shot!
-------------------- This was the iniquity of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride of wealth and food in plenty, comfort and ease, and yet she never helped the poor and the wretched.
—Ezekiel 16.49
Posts: 6079 | From: The banks of Possession Sound | Registered: Oct 2003
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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Laura: quote: Originally posted by Plain Old Wally: We apologize for eating your ancestor. We were having a bad day.
What's so tough about that?
Better yet, and more accurately:
We apologize for eating your ancestor. We were having a bad hair day.
We enjoyed your ancestor at dinner. However, we now realise it was his company and wit that we should have enjoyed. We apologise for this error.
Actually, I recall reading somewhere that Fijians beileved that a person's spirit resided in the top of their head. Accordingly, it was an aggressive act to touch someone's head. [ 15. October 2003, 01:34: Message edited by: Duo Seraphim ]
-------------------- 2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Peppone
Marine
# 3855
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Posted
quote:
From Josephine:
Please, Peppone, please tell me either that you're joking about being an English teacher, or that you're joking about not knowing what the subjunctive is!
Please?
Sorry.
quote: Originally posted by K˙ralessa: Your students must love never getting red marks on their papers.
Wo! Red pen!!!???? That's the biggest no-no in teaching right now. Not only am I not allowed to use red pen on papers, I'm not allowed to be a "talking red pen" either. None of this "I'm sorry, that's wrong. Does anyone else want to try?"
Hey, I have a colleague who was asked to stop putting ticks on her students' work. (Supposing it was ever "correct".) Apparently it was hurtful to the students who got it "wrong".
Anyway, back to those cannonballs. [ 15. October 2003, 01:52: Message edited by: Peppone ]
-------------------- I looked at the wa's o' Glasgow Cathedral, where vandals and angels painted their names, I was clutching at straws and wrote your initials, while parish officials were safe in their hames.
Posts: 3020 | From: Hong Kong | Registered: Dec 2002
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Robert Armin
All licens'd fool
# 182
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Posted
quote: Wo! Red pen!!!???? That's the biggest no-no in teaching right now. Not only am I not allowed to use red pen on papers, I'm not allowed to be a "talking red pen" either. None of this "I'm sorry, that's wrong. Does anyone else want to try?"
I have heard this sort of stuff before, and think it is the most arrant nonsense. I feel sorry for Peppone for having to live under such a ludicrous system. Any child who got through school, let alone life, with nothing more damaging than the sight of some red ink would be doing unbelievably well.
What is more, in life we all have to cope with the fact that we get things wrong at times, our mistakes carry consequences with them, but being wrong is not (normally) the end of the world. I believe schools by and large to be supportive environments - aren't they good places to learn how to cope with being wrong? If a child enters the world of work wrapped up in so much cotton wool that they have never had an error pointed out to them, ISTM that they will have a very rude awakening indeed.
(All of the above would have been written in red ink if I were handwriting this. But it isn't as I'm not.)
[Message edited due to second thoughts about the use of the Subjunctive.] [ 15. October 2003, 02:35: Message edited by: The Wanderer ]
-------------------- Keeping fit was an obsession with Fr Moity .... He did chin ups in the vestry, calisthenics in the pulpit, and had developed a series of Tai-Chi exercises to correspond with ritual movements of the Mass. The Antipope Robert Rankin
Posts: 8927 | From: In the pack | Registered: May 2001
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