|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: Heaven: Dear Sine...
|
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
|
Posted
What do you do when you have dinner guests due to arrive in fifteen minutes and you discover a red wine stain on your white linen tablecloth?
How best to recover from your daughter giving her grandmother an embarassingly large marital aid for Christmas?
How much should one tip one's pedicurist?
In this age of ever-increasing complexity of our relationships with each other and with our homes, our jobs and our world at large, the potential for social disaster looms higher and higher.
Sine Nomine stands apart from the noisome hoi polloi as The Man Who Knows™. Thus, this thread. While Sine cannot offer legal or medical advice, he can answer those burning questions about Life Domestic.
How many of us know how to correctly cut up a raw chicken for deep frying? How many here know how to match a man's socks to his belt to his tie? Who among us has the facts about ice cream forks at his fingertips?
Sine knows. Just ask him.
I'll ask the first question just to get things rolling.
Sine, I'm having a dinner party in three weeks. I've invited fellow writers and also some attorneys. How do I offer drinks to my guests without the well-known alcoholic predations of the writers and lawyers completely draining my bar before the other guests have even nibbled their cocktail olive?
[ 05. February 2006, 07:52: Message edited by: Alan Cresswell ]
--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Celsti
Shipmate
# 4523
|
Posted
Although I am not the etiquette expert around here, I would suggest that you invite the writers and such to show up about half an hour after everyone else.
Posts: 787 | From: the beyonderland | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Eliab
Shipmate
# 9153
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
I'm having a dinner party in three weeks. I've invited fellow writers and also some attorneys. How do I offer drinks to my guests without the well-known alcoholic predations of the writers and lawyers completely draining my bar before the other guests have even nibbled their cocktail olive?
Well, if it was me, it can't be done. And I'm having the olive as well.
But for some (lesser) lawyers the following might work. You need, depending on how much you like your fellow guests, either a thick-skinned accomplice, or a pompous and verbose victim. Get him to arrive first. When the lawyers turn up, introduce your mark, who you've primed with such opening lines as:
"Wouldn't it be a good idea if all attornies where paid on a fixed fee scale linked to the national average wage?"
"Don't you think that the lawyers must bear most of the responsibility for the Terri Schiavo case?"
"Isn't it disgraceful that it needs more intellectual ability to qualify as a New York cab driver than pass the New York Bar exams?"
Keep the drinks at the far end of the room. And bring over just enough to keep the conversation from flagging.
--------------------
"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"
Richard Dawkins
Posts: 4619 | From: Hampton, Middlesex, UK | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Vikki Pollard
Shipmate
# 5548
|
Posted
I'm ordering 200 WWSD? bracelets. PM me if you want one. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
--------------------
"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)
Posts: 5695 | From: The Far Side | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Off Centre View
Shipmate
# 4254
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Vikki Pollard:
I'm ordering 200 WWSD? bracelets. PM me if you want one.
What Would Sine Do?
For someone without a name he's very well-known!
--------------------
Looking for Authenticity in the Corporate Abyss? Change Your Self, Change Your Workplace, Change Your World: www.corporateabyss.com
Posts: 1685 | From: wherever I may wander | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Vikki Pollard
Shipmate
# 5548
|
Posted
Go...to...your...room...
--------------------
"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)
Posts: 5695 | From: The Far Side | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
Sine, I'm having a dinner party in three weeks. I've invited fellow writers and also some attorneys. How do I offer drinks to my guests without the well-known alcoholic predations of the writers and lawyers completely draining my bar before the other guests have even nibbled their cocktail olive?
You need help. No, I mean really, you need help. You pay one of your kids fifteen bucks to be a waiter for the evening. You don't have an open bar. The kid asks each guest "Martini? Sherry? Mineral water?" and then goes off to get it...and takes a looong time coming back.
Then of course you can look back at the great hostesses of history and see how they handled the situation. There is either the Mrs. Hamilton Twombly school of drink serving or the Jackie Kennedy school.
Mrs. Twombly was a very progessive hostess in the 1900s. She was one of the first in New York to serve "cocktails". Unfortunately she lived an immensely long time (until 1950 or so) and never changed her method of serving. Her guests were never allowed more than two and they weren't allowed to take them into her drawing room but had to drink them standing up in the entrance hall.
Jackie Kennedy instructed her waiters to pick up any half finished cocktails, wipe off any lipstick, top them up and re-serve to another guest, hoping nobody had hepatitis.
Either method should help keep you bar bill under control.
Note: For fifteen bucks the kid is also obligated to clear the table between courses.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
What do you do when you have dinner guests due to arrive in fifteen minutes and you discover a red wine stain on your white linen tablecloth?
BTW...the answer to this is "get out your liquid white shoe polish".
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
|
Posted
Dear Sine,
I have friends coming from West Virginia. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Twilight
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
Make sure the front porch is reinforced so's when yer sittin a spell to visit it don't collapse and kill all the dawgs.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
|
Posted
Thank you Sine, that's a marvelous tip.
Now here's some more details of the (real) problem.
They are my girlfriends from childhood days - sort of my own ya-ya sisterhood. It's a rare moment in time when they are all free to drive three hours to spend a night out - so I wasn't about to say no when they called. The trouble is, that particular week is when we plan to move from this house to a new one.
Here's the real question: Should I entertain this wild bunch with their unruly wine glasses and dodgy dip trays in my brand new house on my brand new suede sofas, or can I call it a "slumber party" and set up in the half empty old house?
Yours in trepidation,
Twilight
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
Oh dear. You do have a problem.
Unfortunately, we need to remember that our friends are more important than our material possessions. If these suede sofas are going to be a source of tension for you when people come over you might just as well go ahead and return them now and get something else you'll be more comfortable having your guests sit on.
Or cover them with clear vinyl slipcovers. Since your friends are from West Virginia they won't think a thing about it.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
|
Posted
Slumber party, most definitely!
To cover up the fact that you're entertaining in a living room with nothing in it but the stuff you're leaving behind (so the new owners will have to haul it to the dump, thus saving you the trouble), you'll announce it with glee as "It'll be just like when we were kids and Suzie's mom made us have the sleepover in the basement!"
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
Of course the problem with a slumber party is that Twilight is a self-professed "old biddy" so one assumes her childhood friends are old biddies also.
Entertaining in a half-empty house could produce a rash of "I've fallen and I can't get up." incidents once they get down to floor level after swilling all that wine.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
|
Posted
Well, Sine is exactly right and made me feel sorely ashamed of myself. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif) ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
But Jennifer thinks just like I do! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
So I may have a nice dinner for them at the new house and then we'll all retire to the old house where we can have our slumber party and "be more private." ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
Thanks, both of you!
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Of course the problem with a slumber party is that Twilight is a self-professed "old biddy" so one assumes her childhood friends are old biddies also.
That's all quite true, Sine, but part of the joy of a group like this is that we all still see each other as the foxy Charlie's Angels look-alikes we once were.
Now hush up.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Not Too Bad
Shipmate
# 8770
|
Posted
My question to Dear Sine...
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
How best to recover from your daughter giving her grandmother an embarassingly large marital aid for Christmas?
--------------------
Suppose we have only dreamed and made up these things like sun, sky, stars, and moon, and Aslan himself. In that case, it seems to me that the made-up things are a good deal better than the real ones
Posts: 779 | From: Norfolk | Registered: Nov 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Not Too Bad:
My question to Dear Sine...
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
How best to recover from your daughter giving her grandmother an embarassingly large marital aid for Christmas?
If grandmother's eyesight isn't too keen, cry out in a delighted voice "Oh! A portable blender! Let me see if I can find a battery for it." and quickly remove the package.
If granny's too quick for that, create a diversion by drop-kicking her Chihuahua into the next room. That should distract her.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Not Too Bad
Shipmate
# 8770
|
Posted
Ah! Such wisdom! Consider that Chihuahua kicked!
--------------------
Suppose we have only dreamed and made up these things like sun, sky, stars, and moon, and Aslan himself. In that case, it seems to me that the made-up things are a good deal better than the real ones
Posts: 779 | From: Norfolk | Registered: Nov 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Tortuf
Ship's fisherman
# 3784
|
Posted
Dear Sine,
What should one do when a dinner guest shows up wearing clothes that are simply out of date? I mean, those "Passing Gas" T shirts are sooo last year. Everybody knows that you wear Che T shirts now. Should I tell him to save him from embarrassment, or should I ignore the gaffe?
Posts: 6963 | From: The Venice of the South | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
Neither.
You "accidentally" spill your Bud Lite all over him and give him one of your "Old Fisherman never die, they just smell that way!" T-shirts to wear for the rest of the evening.
Always in style. At your house at least.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
|
Posted
Dear Sine,
I bought myself a houseplant a couple of weeks ago and plonked it on the bedside table, where it looks rather nice. Also, it's eco-friendly and recycles the carbon dioxide during the night, or something.
Unfortunately, I watered it a bit carelessly one night by generously giving it half a glass of water before I went to bed. In the morning, I discovered that the water had pretty much missed the pot and soaked into my table instead, leaving some alarming water stains.
This table belongs to the landlord, and his agent is coming round in a fortnight to inspect the place.
I've spoken severely to the houseplant (it's a fern, by the way) which has gone very quiet ever since, but now I'm wondering what is the best way to disguise the damage, at least until the day of reckoning when I move out. Someone suggested a doily, but I thought these might be a bit passe. I was considering a small natural fibre mat, but that might be a bit sort of whole-earth and Sixties-ish. What would you suggest?
Or should I just spill water over the whole of the rest of the table to ensure it all matches?
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
If you can even see the top of your bedside table you obviously have too much time on your hands for housecleaning and need to get out more.
The more important question therefore is "why is your life so dull?" I thought you were going to take classes or something.
However, getting back to your original question: Pile library books on the waterstain. That looks real cultured and refined.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
hedonism_bot
Shipmate
# 5027
|
Posted
Dear Sine,
An acquaintance of mine was recently staying overnight with friends. After washing in the morning he noticed that no guest towels were provided, and that the towels in the bathroom had clearly recently been used to dry a wet body. Being a fastidious fellow he declined to use these, and not wishing to embarrass his hosts by asking for clean towels he reluctantly used his spare boxer shorts to dry himself. However, for reasons that he cannot explain, he absent-mindedly placed these in the bathroom cabinet and left them there. The friends in question have now not been in touch with him for some weeks.
So, Sine - how would you explain away the leaving of wet underwear in a host's medicine chest?
[ 30. May 2005, 13:45: Message edited by: hedonism_bot ]
Posts: 778 | From: Running from the grand ennui | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
Ah! The old "an acquaintance of mine" ploy. So you've been down to just one pair of boxer shorts for a couple of weeks now and need to get the other pair back, do you? I agree this is an emergency.
Sometimes (not often) honesty is the best policy. Just explain you were looking for suppositories and forgot where you placed your shorts during your search. No need to mention they were dripping wet. I'm sure your friends will understand.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
|
Posted
This actually happened, and it's my favorite social disaster (of biblical proportions).
The Smiths are having a dinner party one night. Unbeknownst to them, a plumbing problem over the years has been allowing raw sewage to build up in the wall space. So of course on the dinner party night of all nights the pressure in the wall reaches the breaking point and said wall bursts open, showering everyone with sewage. (Incidentally, also ruining the dinner party.)
(Sidebar: The family decided to send apology notes to their guests, and actually held a contest (through a magazine, IIRC) to find the best worded note.)
Sine, if you were Mr. Smith, how would you handle such a situation, and if you were to send an apology note, how would you phrase it?
--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
hedonism_bot
Shipmate
# 5027
|
Posted
Thank you, but I'm not convinced that's the best advice ever proffered. What, BTW, would be your advice to someone who had left their shorts in a host's medicine cabinet during a frantic search for suppositories?
And it really was a friend and not me. The person who urinated into a host's en-suite sink only to find out that it wasn't plumbed in yet - that was me...
Posts: 778 | From: Running from the grand ennui | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
Thank you, but I'm not convinced that's the best advice ever proffered.
It was pretty darn good considering what you paid for it though. Sheesh. Everybody's a critic.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
hedonism_bot
Shipmate
# 5027
|
Posted
Ah, I understand. Is there a premium-rate telephone number I can call for the really hot advice then?
I ask because the more I scrub the more it's spreading, and the Deacon is going to step back into the room at any minute...
Posts: 778 | From: Running from the grand ennui | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
Sine, if you were Mr. Smith, how would you handle such a situation, and if you were to send an apology note, how would you phrase it?
"I am terribly sorry about the little mishap the other evening. Please send me your dry-cleaning bill and the bill for the hepatitis shots."
Ken, are you nuts? Some things in life are just plain awful and aren't fixable. I'd say that's one of them. Of course I don't believe it actually happened because the smell would have been a giveaway and the drywall would have gotten soaked through and began to bulge outward. Moreover it would be a very strange floorplan that would have the bathroom pipes running through the dining room walls.
But there are occasions when you just have to start over with new friends. That's why it's better to have a yacht than a villa. You can always sail away.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
Ah, I understand. Is there a premium-rate telephone number I can call for the really hot advice then?
Yes, I have some really hot phone numbers but they may not be exactly what you had in mind.
However I am becoming a bit concerned. Your friend goes around leaving his underwear in medicine cabinets and you go around pissing in sinks. I think perhaps you're not ready for the finer points of social interaction yet but need some rather more basic training first before we get to the "which fork to use" level. Let's start with "what is a fork and why it's better than your fingers for eating."
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Alfred E. Neuman
What? Me worry?
# 6855
|
Posted
Sine, I need your help. For so many years, I've been a working-class sort and now have an ingrained self image that is limited to denim and cotton T-shirts when it comes to a fashion sense.
I appreciate the good looks of a coordinated fashionable outfit on a man but when I try on things in nice shops, I look at myself and can't get past the "pretentious" aspect.
How can I break out of this dressed-down habit I'm stuck in?
Posts: 12954 | Registered: May 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
jprainbow
Apprentice
# 8813
|
Posted
I haven't got a question (at the moment). I just wanted to say I'm having a whale of a time reading this thread! I'm in stitches here! Thank you, everyone, especially Sine!
--------------------
UP THE VALE!
Posts: 27 | From: Stoke-on-Trent | Registered: Nov 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
How can I break out of this dressed-down habit I'm stuck in?
Go to a thrift store or consignment shop and find one classic looking jacket you really like. Take it to a tailor and have it properly fitted. It won't cost you that much.
It will be already broken in and won't look "newish" so you'll be comfortable wearing it with your jeans. Get some prewashed oxford cloth shirts to go with it. They won't look new either.
Once you're OK going around like that you can work up a bit. Start watching for other men your age and build you think are nicely dressed and see what they're wearing. (Do not be too obvious about this unless you're looking for a date or a punch in the nose.)
We can't all be on the cutting edge of fashion - there are plenty of things I myself won't wear - but we can all look suitably and nicely put together.
Here's the pay-off: women really go for that. I had a totally unknown but attractive woman come up to me at a party last night and say "Excuse me, but I've been dying to come over and feel your pants." Didn't do much for me, but some guys would have enjoyed it I'm told.
...and you're ever so much more likely to get dates if you look employed.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
hedonism_bot
Shipmate
# 5027
|
Posted
O.P. by S.N.
quote:
However I am becoming a bit concerned. Your friend goes around leaving his underwear in medicine cabinets and you go around pissing in sinks.
In my defence, I am English - over here it's considered crashingly bourgeois and nouvey not to widdle in the sink. I don't know how Nancy Mitford never got round to mentioning it.
Posts: 778 | From: Running from the grand ennui | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
R.A.M.
Shipmate
# 7390
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Neither.
You "accidentally" spill your Bud Lite all over him and give him one of your "Old Fisherman never die, they just smell that way!" T-shirts to wear for the rest of the evening.
Always in style. At your house at least.
This is an interesting one; I've been brought up in the finger bowl school of etiquette. If one of your guests is wearing an outdated T-Shirt; dig out one of your own sartorial monstrosities to stop him feeling out of place. Your more sensitive guests will recognise what you are doing and approve. His blushes will be avoided.
My question is a simple one; what is the socially acceptable way of laying down rules to flatmates concerning acceptable levels of kitchen decorum. Are there any easily memorable rules? I ask because I don't want to endure a second year of putting up with unhygenic kitchen conditions. (I'm a student and my current flatmate see nothing wrong with leaving chicken fat on the chopping boards and allowing baked beans to dry to all their pans - occasioning the use of mine)
--------------------
Formerly Real Ale Methodist
Back after prolonged absence...
Posts: 1584 | From: (Sunshine on) Leith | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Real Ale Methodist:
what is the socially acceptable way of laying down rules to flatmates concerning acceptable levels of kitchen decorum.
You need to separate social issues from health issues here. And subtlety doesn't work with student types as best I remember. Still, one wants to avoid angry confrontation.
I suggest taking the pot with the drying baked beans in it and gently laying it in the middle of the offending party's bed. If he/she asks why you did such a thing, say "I assumed you hadn't finished eating them or you would have washed the pan."
Of course in America that's why we have handguns. A few random shots through the ceiling tends to get your point across also.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
J. J. Ramsey
Shipmate
# 1174
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
A few random shots through the ceiling tends to get your point across also.
Yeah, but it can really piss off the neighbors upstairs.
--------------------
I am a rationalist. Unfortunately, this doesn't actually make me rational.
Posts: 1490 | From: Tallmadge, OH | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238
|
Posted
This one is from a few minutes ago as I was folding laundry:
How do I fold a fitted sheet so it doesn't look like I wadded it up into a giant ball? I've tried everything I can think of, and ever afterward I end up with this grossly misshapen lumpy thing that looks like crap and doesn't stack well in the linen closet.
--------------------
"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction
My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com
Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
In this case they're probably students too. If they've got their music turned up I doubt they'd even notice. Unless you wing one of course. Pity.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Grits
Compassionate fundamentalist
# 4169
|
Posted
quote:
"Excuse me, but I've been dying to come over and feel your pants."
Yeah, I use that line all the time.
Sine is right, Gort. Women almost always go for the "dressed up casual" look -- well-fitting jeans (and dark, please), a button-up shirt (oxford IS best, but it can work with a polo shirt, too), a nice sportcoat (corduroy in winter is good, too). It's a look that can go almost anywhere.
--------------------
Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and shut it when I've said enough. Amen.
Posts: 8419 | From: Nashville, TN | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
The more important question therefore is "why is your life so dull?" I thought you were going to take classes or something.
I have. I just signed myself up for The Art Of French Polishing, and Renovating Household Furniture.
quote:
However, getting back to your original question: Pile library books on the waterstain. That looks real cultured and refined.
You're so right! I piled some romantic novels on top of it. Then I thought, to make it look a bit elegant and sophisticated, I should add a few sex and shopping novels. And then to make it look a bit respectable as well, I've put a Bible on top. To round it off nicely, I might just add a telephone directory, to make it look like I have lots of friends and an active social life. Either way, I don't think my landlord will be looking too closely at the surface of the table! Problem solved! Thanks again for the tip! ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
How do I fold a fitted sheet so it doesn't look like I wadded it up into a giant ball?
You're trying to fold it standing up, aren't you? That won't work. You have to spread it out on the bed to fold it properly.
Fold over all the curvy bits until you've got a nice rectangle. Then fold that.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Problem solved!
I would suggest you start sleeping wearing a motorcycle crash helmet. Just in case.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
|
Posted
I have no problem with that. I just need to know if the colour of the helmet should match the sheets, the pyjamas, or the walls. Life really is a minefield, isn't it?
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
The pyjamas. In case they have to take you to the emergency room during the night.
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
snowgoose
Silly goose
# 4394
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
This one is from a few minutes ago as I was folding laundry:
How do I fold a fitted sheet so it doesn't look like I wadded it up into a giant ball? I've tried everything I can think of, and ever afterward I end up with this grossly misshapen lumpy thing that looks like crap and doesn't stack well in the linen closet.
Here are instructions (with pictures). Basically, you tuck the corners into each other first (by bringing your hands together and folding one corner over another), then do as Sine said (folding into a rectangle). Actually, once you get the hang of it, it's easier (IMHO) than folding flat sheets.
--------------------
Lord, what can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man? --Terry Pratchett
Save a Siamese!
Posts: 3868 | From: Tidewater Virginia | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Anna B
Shipmate
# 1439
|
Posted
Dear Sine,
I am a writer, as is my best friend. Her career has been going better than mine. Every time she comes out with the announcement that some new work has been published, I attempt an enthusiastic response, but something tells me I'm not quite succeeding. Must I go into spiritual direction, or is there an easier way out?
--------------------
Bad Christian (TM)
Posts: 3069 | From: near a lot of fish | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sine Nomine*
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Prophetess:
is there an easier way out?
Anonymous accusations of plagiarism work well these days.
Although with any luck your friend is unmarried. Is she? If so, next time she announces a new sale you can sympathetically murmur "that must be a great comfort to you" while gathering your son in your arms like Cornelia with the Gracchi.
If, however, she is not only a successful writer but also happily married with perfect children, you'll just need to resign yourself to a life of bitter, impotent envy. Or rustle up a friend who's less successful than you are. Although it sounds like you'll have to check the cemetery for that.
As the saying goes "It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also fail."
Posts: 10696 | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by snowgoose:
quote:
Originally posted by KenWritez:
This one is from a few minutes ago as I was folding laundry:
How do I fold a fitted sheet so it doesn't look like I wadded it up into a giant ball? I've tried everything I can think of, and ever afterward I end up with this grossly misshapen lumpy thing that looks like crap and doesn't stack well in the linen closet.
Here are instructions (with pictures). Basically, you tuck the corners into each other first (by bringing your hands together and folding one corner over another), then do as Sine said (folding into a rectangle). Actually, once you get the hang of it, it's easier (IMHO) than folding flat sheets.
Or, own just one set of sheets, so you have to put them right back on the bed when they come out of the dryer.
--------------------
Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Printer-friendly view
