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» Ship of Fools   » Ship's Locker   » Limbo   » Circus: TT&T Redux: The Game of Love (Page 1)

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Source: (consider it) Thread: Circus: TT&T Redux: The Game of Love
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Last year, "Let's Offend" devolved into shameless flirting. This year (or at least this H&A Day), we're going to start with flirting/phone number swapping/other assorted romance, and go from there.

Now, back in the day (before me, even!), we used to have a thread every springtime called Talking Tits and Testicles. It's time for it to be resurrected in some form, right? I think the name pretty much says it all.

V-Day is just around the corner. Lurve is in the aire. Lo, the winter is past, and the spring is soon upon us. Go leave those m***y All Saints threads behind, and come have some real fun here at the Velodrome!

[ 13. May 2013, 10:48: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged
Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492

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I am 23 years old and my phone number is 213-555-1212. I like riding horses, driving Ferraris and shooting my mouth off.

I'm also married, have more STD's than an aircraft carrier that that just left port, and look like I belong on the side of Notre Dame Cathedrial; is any of that a problem?

[ 12. February 2013, 03:52: Message buggered about with by: Ariston ]

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If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Ariston, you big old horndog you. Any excuse, right?

You're very, very naughty, and I feel if you are going to be punished, it's up to me to do it right.

Beg me for mercy.

BEG, I said.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492

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I want to get my own programme on Radio 2 so I can start collecting Ferraris like that young bloke Chris who does commentary and disc-jockeying on drive-time!

What was this thread about again?

[ 12. February 2013, 03:53: Message buggered about with by: Ariston ]

--------------------
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Ariston, you big old horndog you. Any excuse, right?

You're very, very naughty, and I feel if you are going to be punished, it's up to me to do it right.

Beg me for mercy.

BEG, I said.

If I beg for mercy, will you actually give it to me? But why would I want that? It means you'd go away, no?

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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(gulp of liquid courage, applies game face)

Baby, I have only just BEGUN. I'm gonna SAVOR this.

But don't think I've forgotten about YOU, Cthulhu. Bring your magic fingers face over here and let's negotiate.

[ 12. February 2013, 04:04: Message buggered about with by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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Oooooh.... Tentacly face. Has so much potential... Oh my...

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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I'm sayin'

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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You two are getting entirely too much milage out of that image.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Amazing Grace

High Church Protestant
# 95

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Hey, I thought the "TT&T" in the title was "Tentacles, Tits, and Testicles".

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WTFWED? "Remember to always be yourself, unless you suck" - the Gator
Memory Eternal! Sheep 3, Phil the Wise Guy, and Jesus' Evil Twin in the SoF Nativity Play

Posts: 6593 | From: Sittin' by the dock of the [SF] bay | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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[Snigger]

Ariston-- with that much face action going on, he probably is one of the rare-- entities that can actually satisfy more than one woman at once.

But the fleeting pleasure squidface can provide simply does not compare with the sweet, tender relationship one has with their ball-gagged slave.So,where were we? Ah, yes. You were begging.

[ 12. February 2013, 05:00: Message buggered about with by: Kelly Alves ]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Again, you need to explain why I should beg. The more I beg, the less you'll need to do to extract anything from me.

Where's the fun in that for you?

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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So, how is your little triangle working when Kelly is two of them? Are you going to add Smarty Pants for an imaginary foursome? Not much of a fun time, it would seem. But that is as per usual for the two of you.

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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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...

...

See, I actually really suck at this so hard.

...
...

(Yeah, I see what I did there, I'm just leaving it.)
[Roll Eyes]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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[Mad]
Please make it at least the tiniest bit challenging.

Tease.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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Well, Smarty and Cthulu and Kelly and you and me with the video camera . . .

Yeah, sounds good to me. We've got the bronies, tentacle, Rule 34, and furry crowds covered.

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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Oh good, you're here.

You and Ariston gotta coach me in this, becasue I really am h0peless. So:

1. So. Ariston, if you were me, what exactly would you tell me to do to you?

Specifically?

In detail?

2. Oh, and lilbuddha (don't know why this crossed my mind) if by some weird chance you were a bystander in this little scenario, what would you do? I mean, contribute? I mean, suggest?

[ 12. February 2013, 06:38: Message buggered about with by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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Me? I am pure as the driven snow. What would I know of such things?

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Oh, pull the other one.

(Pull it hard.)

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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I think that's my line, thankyouverymuch!

--------------------
“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.

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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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But then, Ariston, you would be done for the day.

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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Cthulhu
PRAY TO BE EATEN FIRST
# 16186

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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
But don't think I've forgotten about YOU, Cthulhu. Bring your magic fingers face over here and let's negotiate.

I AM FLATTERED AT YOUR ATTENTION, BUT I FEAR WE ARE RELATED

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I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL. Nothing personal.

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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(looks at both avatars)

Dear God, I never noticed the resemblance.


We almost had Greek Tragedy on our hands. [Eek!]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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amateur

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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Oh yeah? Show us how it's done.

Pro. [Big Grin]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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I do not have ****ly powers to muck about, with.


BTW, despite common misuse, professional means getting paid. The word eluding you (in so many ways) is competent.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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No need to unleash the scissorhands. [Big Grin]

Anyway, to soothe my disappointment over the unavailability of Cthulhu, we need to get Pyx_e into this party. Because this post made me decide long ago that I must have him.

And yes, [female confidant name removed], I am willing to share. [Biased]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Actually, perhaps we should use this thread for more educational purposes. For instance: Penn Gillette once stated, it takes men about 7 minutes to achieve orgasm, and women about 15. This, he said, proves God does not exist.

My take is that, obviously the amount of dedication and devotion it takes to create a female orgasm ( both from the partner and the woman herself) suggests to me that it is a spiritual journey God wants us to meditate upon. Lengthily.

Discuss.

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984

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Well I can tell you the secret of the female orgasm - but I Mary Roach does it better.

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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell

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Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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omg BEST.BOOK. EVER.

Mary Roach is in my top five "notable women I wish were my best friend" list.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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Hmmmm. We do not quite share the same spiritual journey, but I am game for the conversation.
I feel the main problem is that, for the male, the timer engages upon waking. And, though the 15 minute figure might be a minimum for the female, the fun is attempting to extend it.
Given the internal philosophies seem to move in opposite directions, I am not certain the male and female paths can do other than intersect. ( As brief and spasmodic* as that intersection might be.)


*Triangle not necessarily representative, but the expressions and movements.....

ETA: That is not a fair representation. Some men have a slightly better sense of fashion.

[ 12. February 2013, 18:31: Message buggered about with by: lilBuddha ]

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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N0pe. i got the answer to it all. Aren't you glad I am here?

1. Women need to masturbate in order to learn the most effective routes to their personal orgasm. And then speak the hell up.

2. Men need to masturbate in order to train themselves to prolong orgasm. And then they need to ask women some damn questions.

So basically, I am saying that the entire spiritual cosmos revolves around the female orgasm and masturbation. And having some simple goddamn conversations.

Ponder this: Traditional Judaic ... tradition teaches that a female orgasm ensures a male heir. I know, it's biological hogwash, but that's one hell of a tradition in a supposedly patriarchal world. And a tradition fostered by God's Chosen People, no less.

(for the very first time since yesterday, I am wondering what kind of P0pe I'd make...)

[ 12. February 2013, 18:45: Message buggered about with by: Kelly Alves ]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
balaam

Making an ass of myself
# 4543

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Ariston and Kelly should get themselves a room...

.


.


.


.


.

plus a video camera and a YouTube account.

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Last ever sig ...

blog

Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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I've already described the result of that. Are you certain you wish to see the video?

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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[Killing me] Oh, that was epic.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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Good to be recognized. Attenborough receives international recognition for running programmes everyone else has covered. I describe a nearly unknown ritual and go largely unnoticed.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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On that note, I want to return to the OP and point out that this is the kind of thing Ariston was referring to as "shameless flirting", which leads me to wonder what an interesting little kayak journey it would be down the Limpopo River of his mind.

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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takes the softball and.....

And here we are, sailing down the Limpopo River of Ariston's mind. The great grey-green,(and red and yellow and blue) greasy paint Limpopo River, all set about with candyfloss-trees. The sky of this strange land is lit, not by the sun, but by a comet. Which the Aristons both worship and fear. Herds of rabbits, striking come-hither poses, wander the shores of the left bank. On the other, even lefter bank, wander the Aristons. Colourful creatures, their green and red and yellow colouring clashes with the tiny, purple bicycles which they ride frenetically back and forth across the landscape.
Aristons generally divide their time between spouting bad poetry and gazing longingly across the waters towards the rabbits. They will occasionally gather at the edge of the river, contemplating a crossing. However, despite the water being extremely shallow and narrow and the presence of many bridges, the Aristons rarely manage to work out the crossing. Because of this impediment to mating, this species is considered endangered. There are, however, no conservation plans as no one much cares.
The Aristons also appear to have a strange fixation with appliances, and the occasional refrigerator or boiler can be seen dotting the banks. What the Aristons do here, is better left undocumented.
At this point, we push the throttle forward to the escape of the ocean, as too much time wandering these shores threatens sanity. This is lilBuddha, signing off.

--------------------
I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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... Not touching that one with a ten-foot appliance. [Snigger]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Smarty Pants
unregistered


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im not entirely comfortable with being in a tryst with that facesucking beast. discord the draconequus was bad enough. no elder gods please.
IP: Logged
alienfromzog

Ship's Alien
# 5327

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I'm just gonna throw this out there as I am actually sad and lonely....
quote:
Intelligent, lovely alien who is very good with his hands seeks busty intelligent nymphomaniac for lifelong involvement...

Call now for an Out of This World Experience™

[Axe murder] [Axe murder] [Axe murder]

(Gorgeous)Alienfromzog

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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]

An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)

Posts: 2150 | From: Zog, obviously! Straight past Alpha Centauri, 2nd planet on the left... | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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quote:
Originally posted by alienfromzog:
Intelligent, lovely alien who is very good with his hands seeks busty intelligent nymphomaniac for lifelong involvement...

tell me more tell me more.... [Biased]

do you have some strategically well-placed tentacles? just 'cause.. you know... curious.

from one interstellar traveler to another...

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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Those green antenae look...useful. Are they prehensile?

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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Prehensile is popular around here.

And you know, Lyda? You're right. [Devil]

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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
alienfromzog

Ship's Alien
# 5327

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quote:
Originally posted by comet:
quote:
Originally posted by alienfromzog:
Intelligent, lovely alien who is very good with his hands seeks busty intelligent nymphomaniac for lifelong involvement...

tell me more tell me more.... [Biased]

do you have some strategically well-placed tentacles? just 'cause.. you know... curious.

from one interstellar traveler to another...

Well, let me do the unthinkable on this thread and be subtle...

I do a lot of woodwork - about a third of the furniture in my house was lovingly created with these fair hands and well, oh yeah, I'm a surgeon...

Kelly: Yes, of course.

Basically guys, I've never had any complaints...

[Biased]

AFZ

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Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.
[Sen. D.P.Moynihan]

An Alien's View of Earth - my blog (or vanity exercise...)

Posts: 2150 | From: Zog, obviously! Straight past Alpha Centauri, 2nd planet on the left... | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged
comet

Snowball in Hell
# 10353

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I do love a man who can handle his wood well...

wink wink nudge nudge...


(um, seriously. I love woodwork. I used to carve masks. we should exchange photos. of our work. [Biased] )

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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin

Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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Now that Cthulhu is no longer available, there's always the sea slug. I'm sure there could be times when such a function might be useful. [Ultra confused]

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333

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Wonder if that was the inspiration for this.

Not really work safe.

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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou

Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged
Pyx_e

Quixotic Tilter
# 57

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I used to think I was good in bed, however it seems all my girlfriends just had asthma.

I must bow out. My idea of foreplay is "Oh don't touch that ............. ungh ........ too late."

[ 14. February 2013, 18:27: Message edited by: Pyx_e ]

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It is better to be Kind than right.

Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Kelly Alves

Bunny with an axe
# 2522

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[Big Grin] No prob, I just wanted you to see that.

Although I will add that I do, in fact, have asthma, and therefore can serve as an excellent source of male ego enhancement. (JediJudy! Holla! High-five, my albuterol-sucking sister!) [Overused]

--------------------
I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.

Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged



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