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Source: (consider it) Thread: Hell: Get out of my queue, sister
Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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Supermarket shopping is a complete drag at the best of times, but at least our local has a "Ten items or less" express line, to make those smallish expeditions less painful. The alternative is a 20 minute queue with the full-trolley crowd.

"Ten Items or Less" means just that. From one to ten, but no more than ten shall ye take through this checkout. Of course plenty of people push the envelope, by taking eleven or twelve, or possibly even 15 (giving others in the line the complete shits). Any more than that and the checkout operator invariably tells them they have to go to the normal checkout and wait with everyone else. That gives enormous satisfaction for others, because it means that the defaulters have to start again in a new queue.

But one woman at our local supermarket makes a habit of standing in the Ten Items or Less queue with a trolley full of stuff. I've seen her there THREE times now in the past month. Last night, as I stood there with my three items, she was there again, and the handy little thingy on the cash register informed us all that she had 97 items. NINETY-SEVEN! Last time I saw her there, she had something in the 50s.

No one tells her off. Nope. She could buy the whole store and take it through the Ten Items or Less counter and no one would say a thing.

BECAUSE SHE'S A BLOODY NUN. Done up to the nines in a habit and looking so fucking scarey that no one will say, "Sorry sister, shove off to the long queue over yonder where you belong". I asked the checkout operator last night, why someone didn't tell her where to go. "Oh, we couldn't do that to a nun".

Why not? She does it deliberately, so far as I can tell. It pisses me off. Blatant use of position. [Mad]

Well, I'm a heathen and next time Sister The Rules Don't Apply To Me makes the rest of us wait while she uses her so-called position to get preferential treatment, I think I'll crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned sardines somewhere painful.

I couldn't give a shit if I end up in Hell.

So, sister, watch your pious back.

[ 09. September 2005, 12:53: Message edited by: Sarkycow ]

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Viola
Administrator
# 20

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Since this is Hell, I'd just like to say:

'Ten items or fewer'

I know it probably doesn't say that in your supermarket, but it should.

Thank you!

K.

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"If ye love me, keep my commandments" John 14:15

"Commandment number one: shut the hell up." Erin Etheredge 1971-2010

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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When I am being held pending arrival of the local constablary, after assaulting the said Servant of God, I shall mention the inappropriate use of language to the proprietors Viola. Many thanks.

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chive

Ship's nude
# 208

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Am I the only one who finds myself zealously counting the items in the basket of those in front of me in the queue? Irrational but incredibly annoying.

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'Edward was the kind of man who thought there was no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who hadn't done one-to-one Bible study with him.' Catherine Fox, Love to the Lost

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seasick

...over the edge
# 48

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I think that the tills on "10 items or fewer" check-outs should be specially programmed to add an extra charge of £50 (say) to the cost of the eleventh and each subsequent item. That would quickly solve the problem...

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We believe there is, and always was, in every Christian Church, ... an outward priesthood, ordained by Jesus Christ, and an outward sacrifice offered therein. - John Wesley

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Lyda*Rose

Ship's broken porthole
# 4544

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I always count. [Paranoid]

And I think a 50 pound/$100 overcharge would be entirely reasonable, especially if the store donated the fees to the local food pantry.

[ 28. July 2005, 23:01: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]

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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano

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Louise
Shipmate
# 30

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Just sidle up to her and tell her the difference between a priest and a pimple. [Snigger]

L.

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moron
Shipmate
# 206

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quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
So, sister, watch your pious back.

Rather than physical assault, I find it immensely satisfying in similar circumstances (assuming this is one store of a chain of stores) to drop a very polite note to the home office of the company asking why they don't adhere to their stated policy.

The higher up suits will almost undoubtedly focus the attention of the store level management on the need to consistently apply the rules across the board.

And I avoid jail for battery.

Failing that, it sounds like you've pretty well scoped her out. Her vehicle, I presume, is unattended in the parking lot?

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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quote:
Originally posted by Charis:

Failing that, it sounds like you've pretty well scoped her out. Her vehicle, I presume, is unattended in the parking lot?

Hey, I'm up to assault and battery, but stalking goes a bit far, even for me.

But maybe one day .....

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Suze

Ship's Barmaid
# 5639

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This drives me up the wall - I always obsessively count what's in everyone else's basket and growl in a very passive-aggressive way until I'm served. The only reason I growl in that way is because my hubby knows this:-
quote:
I think I'll crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned sardines somewhere painful.

is what I'd rather do and has made sure I understand he would consider that kind of behaviour grounds for divorce!

[doh! it's count [Hot and Hormonal] ]

[ 28. July 2005, 23:09: Message edited by: Suze ]

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' You stay here and I'll go look for God, that won't be hard cos I know where he's not, and I will bring him back with me , then he'll listen , then he'll see' Richard Shindell

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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I don't actually count how much people have in their baskets, because the handy thingy on the cash register displays the number as the goods are put through. Most people watching grumble if the number goes too high.

If I have my children with me, I say things like, "Some people were not very good at school and didn't learn to count properly" and do lots of eye-rolling.

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Corpus cani

Ship's Anachronism
# 1663

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>Sniff< Shoot the bitch.

Corpus
[who can't bear people misusing the wimple]

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Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

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What a dastardly nun. Though given all the sisters I have met are wondrous, I suspect this 'nun' may in fact be a lay person who bought the costume for a fancy dress party and is now using it for nefarious purposes.

I too count. And silently fume when they are over. As I do when people take out their credit card to buy an 80c pack of tic tacs.

Our local Big W [big spender I am!] has a "three items or [fewer]" queue; there a number of people who constantly [yes, I remember them!] sidle up with 6 or 7. ARGH!!!

[ 29. July 2005, 00:13: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]

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Siena

Ship's Bluestocking
# 5574

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LATA, if you're willing to involve your doubtless adorable children, you could coach them to go up to the nun, tug on her sleeve, and in the loudest, most piercing little voices they can muster, say something along the lines of:

"Excuse me, sister, you're in the wrong line - you have too many things. Do you want me to help you move your cart?"

You, of course, are then free to shrug helplessly, smile pseudo-apologetically, and then treat the kids to ice cream. [Devil]

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The lives of Christ's poor people are starved and stunted; their wages are low; their houses often bad and insanitary and their minds full of darkness and despair. These are the real disorders of the Church. Charles Marson

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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I am happy that your nun experiences to date have been good. But let me tell you, young Ian, there are some who are not so wondrous as you think. Most of my Cathlick friends have horror stories of teachers in habits, who whacked them and did other awful stuff to them.

But maybe you are right. Perhaps it is a layfolk-in-nun's-clothing. But I doubt it. It's hardly high fashion, after all, and it would be a big effort to make, just to get a better queue.

Besides, she wears no make-up, and we all know, anyone who dresses up in costume for acting purposes, always wears make-up.

I am interested to hear that K-Mart has three items or less (fewer). But I think such a low number is just asking for trouble.

ETA: Sienna, my children HATE me doing anything that draws attention to the fact that I am a crabby old bag. They would never consent to do such a thing, which is a pity. What's the point of having offspring, if you can't use them for such purposes?

[ 29. July 2005, 00:18: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

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Siena

Ship's Bluestocking
# 5574

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Well, exactly, LATA. Perhaps you could borrow some dramatically inclined children for your shopping trips.

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The lives of Christ's poor people are starved and stunted; their wages are low; their houses often bad and insanitary and their minds full of darkness and despair. These are the real disorders of the Church. Charles Marson

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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Actually, if I were to go to my local fancy dress boutique and get one adult and three child sized costumes of a useful variety , my queue waiting days would be over. Ian has hit on a very good idea. And no one would dare challenge me, or my children, about the appalling behaviour usually exhibited by my children in shops.

[ 29. July 2005, 00:27: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

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KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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(I have yet to mention LATA's boobs here. Just so you know.)

LATA, do you have any dramatic skills? Can you fake a seizure or heart attack a moment after you loudly exclaim, "That nun! She's got too many items for her lane!"

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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

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Puppycat
Ship's Toast and Vegemite
# 4941

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I have been known to use the ten items or fewer check out in the supermarket when I have had a trolly full of shopping on occasion. Before you all reach to hurl clods of dung at me let me say that it has been done when I have been out grocery shopping at 6:30am (great time to grocery shop, no one around) and it has been the only register opened therefore leaving me with no choice but to use it. Otherwise I would never ever commit such a heinous act.

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Very creative writing, LAtA. The "97 items" was a specially nice touch.
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Corpus cani

Ship's Anachronism
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No, sorry. Several responses to the offending nun have been suggested, but only one sensible suggestion remains.

Deck her.

If she's a real genuine nun, she needs a lesson in humility. If she's a fancy dress nun, she just needs decking to prove that a habit is not an easy life.

I've considered every other response sensibly and I come back time and again to the same response.

Alright, I'm easing off the shooting bit just in case. But deck the bitch. Even nuns can count.

Corpus

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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Being a very task oriented person as I am:

She is wearing a particular coloured habit and will have the medal of her order pinned to it. Pay attention next time, you will be able to tell which is her order from those.

Alternatively, there cannot be too many convents in a 1km radius from the shop - another clue to which order she belongs to. (You can do a little drive past to check if there are other similarly attired nuns loitering outside).

Once you have the order and convent address, write to the Mother Superior/Abbess (Eccles may be able to help you out with correct honorifics) relating the rudeness of the said sister. You may wish to mention that this behaviour is bad Christian witness.
[Angel]

Come on dearie, don't just tell us, tell someone who can do something about it.

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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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What's the big deal? No need to send the children on an embarrassing assault. Proclaim loudly and in a commanding voice:

"Excuse me, sister!! This is an EXPRESS LINE meant for TEN ITEMS OR LESS!! We are all in a big hurry here. Don't take advantage of the fact the cashier respects your habit, I DON'T! Please take your cart load to the proper line!

...or just casually crowd in front of her. What's she gonna do? Smack ya with a ruler?

I'll bite the bullet on a few items over the limit but not a freakin' cart full. [sheeesh, the nerve]

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--Formerly: Gort--

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Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
there cannot be too many convents in a 1km radius from the shop

I'd be surprised if there were any.
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Living in Gin

Liturgical Pyromaniac
# 2572

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LATA could simply dress as a bishop. (Or find an elderly male friend to do it if gender is an issue.) [Snigger]

[cross-posted]

[ 29. July 2005, 01:08: Message edited by: Living in Gin ]

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It's all fun and games until somebody gets burned at the stake.

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
Being a very task oriented person as I am:

She is wearing a particular coloured habit and will have the medal of her order pinned to it. Pay attention next time, you will be able to tell which is her order from those.

Alternatively, there cannot be too many convents in a 1km radius from the shop - another clue to which order she belongs to. (You can do a little drive past to check if there are other similarly attired nuns loitering outside).

Once you have the order and convent address, write to the Mother Superior/Abbess (Eccles may be able to help you out with correct honorifics) relating the rudeness of the said sister. You may wish to mention that this behaviour is bad Christian witness.
[Angel]

Come on dearie, don't just tell us, tell someone who can do something about it.

OK, let me just start by saying that I am not going to walk up to this woman and start examining her breast to check her medals. She wears a grey uniform. She is about 65 and she will never look any other customer in the eye which is a sure sign that she knows that she is doing wrong.

Good suggestion re tracking down the convent. I checked the White Pages and see that there is The Convent of Mercy not too far away from the supermarket. (So there, Sine. I don't live in no heathen area). She might be from there. Otherwise, she could be from the School that backs on to the supermarket car park. It's run by some obscure order. I will get in the Altarmobile and do a drive by. God help them if I see a grey-clad nun out front.

But speaking to the Mother Superior? Coot, that is dobbing, and therefore UnAustralian. There are only two solutions that befit our National Identity. One is to bitch on endlessly to everyone, but do nothing. The other is to deck her. Or, being inner-city-multi-cultural Melbourne, do a drive-by shooting.

Sine:

quote:
Very creative writing, LAtA. The "97 items" was a specially nice touch.

I am grateful to modern technology that the makers of cash registers have seen fit to include that facility which shows all shoppers how many items they, and others, have purchased. It is even better at Coles supermarkets, where not only is the number of items displayed, but pictures of each thing bought. There's no hiding your condom purchase among your vegetables at a Coles Supermarket. No sir.

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Presleyterian
Shipmate
# 1915

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Not to turn this into Mornington Crescent, but in the context of the "10 Items or Fewer," could LATA comment on the legality of:
  • The Catfood Corollary, i.e., Shopper in Front of You (hereinafter SiFoY) steps up to the register with thirty identical cans of cat food and nothing else; and
  • The Tuna Fish Variation, i.e., SiFoY steps up to the register with nine miscellaneous items and three cans of tuna fish which are priced at 3 for $2.00.
Is that kosher or may one "crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned [cat food and/or tuna fish] somewhere painful"?
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528

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[Roll Eyes] Examining breasts again, I see.... [Disappointed]

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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!

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Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251

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I avoid supermarkets. I'm sure I've mentioned that the local Coles has a Hellmouth behind the dairy fridge.

Twice I have been coldly angry in a supermarket queue. The first was when a woman with more than 15 items asked if she could go ahead of me because she was in a hurry. "Only if you ask all the people in the queue behind me too." I said. They glared and she skulked to her rightful place at the end of the line at another till.

The second time was when someone's eight year old reached into my shopping basket, rummaged about and extracted a carrot, which she ate. Her mother seemed to think this was OK. I disabused her of this fantasy.

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2^8, eight bits to a byte

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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quote:
Not to turn this into Mornington Crescent, but in the context of the "10 Items or Fewer," could LATA comment on the legality of:
The Catfood Corollary, i.e., Shopper in Front of You (hereinafter SiFoY) steps up to the register with thirty identical cans of cat food and nothing else; and
The Tuna Fish Variation, i.e., SiFoY steps up to the register with nine miscellaneous items and three cans of tuna fish which are priced at 3 for $2.00.
Is that kosher or may one "crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned [cat food and/or tuna fish] somewhere painful"?

Thank you for the opportunity to comment, Presleyterian.

The former shits me to tears. I've not seen it done so much with cat food (although I have observed that once or twice). However, I have often observed it with Coca Cola, or some other soft drink. By this method a person (usually monstrously overweight and with bad teeth) takes two trolleys, each laden with five cases of soft drink to the counter. Never mind that this has to be put through as 120 items (because the boxes themselves do not scan). If anyone says anything, the offender will smugly count "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten" boxes. I pray that they will suffer irreversible health problems. This is just as grave as the Nun Offence. A coke bottle up the nose is appropriate.

The second I can live with. It is only a minor infraction and one that I'd sometimes be tempted to pull myself. I think that this should be punishable only where the line is very very very long.

[ 29. July 2005, 02:56: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.

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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
[...] But speaking to the Mother Superior? Coot, that is dobbing, and therefore UnAustralian. There are only two solutions that befit our National Identity. One is to bitch on endlessly to everyone, but do nothing. The other is to deck her. Or, being inner-city-multi-cultural Melbourne, do a drive-by shooting.

Uh, that's three. Since you're obvious tactic is to bitch and do nothing, this whole rant is for entertainment value only. Either confront her directly or shaddup.

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--Formerly: Gort--

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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Yeah, you're right. It's a bit like making up a story about having an incurable erection to start a thread. Pathetic, huh?

[ 29. July 2005, 03:07: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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Mm. Well, curious Coot, I had to do a little Google, I doubt Nun In Question is a Mercy Sister (they don't usually wear their regalia any more and have a distinctive cross - believe me, I sing with one and they show no mercy), but you might be right about the obscure Catholic Order.

My bet is she is a Maronite sister. Praps she doesn't speak/read English? See if you can learn the Lebanese for: "You're in the wrong queue, female spawn of a dog".

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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Yes, yes, yes! The school behind the supermarket is run by a Lebanese order. But she teaches little Aussies, so she speaks English, Donna you worry abouta that.

{ETA I am the mother of little Italians, so I can use that kind of language}

[ 29. July 2005, 03:10: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Yeah, you're right. It's a bit like making up a story about having an incurable erection to start a thread. Pathetic, huh?

[Killing me] At least I didn't envolve stirring up animosity for some beleaguered nun with arthritis who was just trying to get back to the convent with supplies.

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--Formerly: Gort--

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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She isn't arthritic. She is as sturdy as an Ox.

Hey, we all have supplies to take home to those who share our table. But if we don't play nice, someone gets mightly shitty. I fail to see why a nun, arthritic or not, should get preferential treatment over all the other arthritic, busy, tired, fed-up people who use the supermarket.

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Still pretty Amazing, but no longer Mavis.

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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
She isn't arthritic. She is as sturdy as an Ox. [...]

Ah! That explains why you're too cowardly to confront her. Afraid she'll drop ya to the floor and put a choke hold on you?

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--Formerly: Gort--

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
# 5077

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Well, I am only 5' 2", you know. Actually, I think I said in the OP that I intend to crash-tackle her next time. Now that I've been told by the staff that they don't intend to tell her that she can't use that queue for her mega-shops, I intend to point her in the right direction, if I ever see her do this again.

So shuddupa your face, tin boy.

[ 29. July 2005, 03:28: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
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Yes, M'am. [Frown]

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
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That's more like it. Now come to mama and I'll oil your springs.

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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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Thank you, M'am. They're hermetically sealed and don't require servicing.

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
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That's what you think. You'll sieze up one day. Probably in a supermarket queue and you'll have to spend the rest of your life watching people pass you by with their tins of sardines.

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Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
# 944

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My how this thread has moved on...

Duo: I was sure you'd get a better class of customer in the East. Apparently bad manners are universal.

Ever since Coles put in the picture-display registers, I feel rather bored when I'm at Woolies. Nothing to capture the imagination.


However, I have news. The cry has gone out. I visited the Woolies closest to work to grab some fruit and vegies at lunch. As I walked in, a woman with a trolley stacked with items was preparing to enter the "8 Items or Less" section. The woman at the checkout said, "Um...I don't think so. You've got more than 8. Go up there [pointing to the 'standard' queue]." Hoorah for small victories.

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Left at the Altar

Ship's Siren
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Hooray! I'm coming to your Woolies next time, Ian.

Actually, Duo, I think the solution to the child-eating-your-carrot problem, is to reach into her mother's trolley, take something scrumdiddlyumptious from that, and nibble away. Then say to the checkout operator, "My friend will pay", pointing towards the brat's mother.

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John Donne

Renaissance Man
# 220

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One of my friends observed a woman open a jar of honey and dunk her kid's dummy in it (gave to child to suck) then put it back on the shelf. My friend asked her: "Are you going to buy that?" but the woman ignored her and walked off.

Thereupon my friend picked up the jar of honey, waited til the woman had gone to the checkout and was having her things put through. My friend placed the jar with the woman's other things and said to the checkout operator: "This lady is going to buy this jar of honey, because she opened it and dipped her child's dummy in it".

The woman look absolutely mortified and paid for it without a word.

[Angel]

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Ian Climacus

Liturgical Slattern
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[Killing me]

Wonderful.


On the topic of supermarkets, I've recalled a time a friend and I went to Woolies to grab some chocolate and crisps to sneak into the cinema [I'm not paying $5 for a Violet Crumble, no matter how nice they are!]

The queue for a normal aisle opened up so we went there. My friend pointed to a sign above the aisle saying, "Confectionery Free Aisle", and said, "We can't use that." I was [Confused] . I then clicked that she thought you couldn't use it if you had confectionery! [Killing me] She was rather embarrassed. I asked if she thought Woolies had installed lasers to destroy any chocolate people tried to sneak through the "Confectionery Free Aisle"!

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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638

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Ooooo! And let's not forgrt those cunning people who count exactly ten items, get to the front of the queue, and, while their items are being cheked through, decide to pick up that "Hello" magazine, or packet of gum. "Sorry luv, that's eleven. On yer bike!"

I might challenge someone who does that one day just for fun.

[ 29. July 2005, 05:14: Message edited by: Back-to-Front ]

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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis

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Skew
Apprentice
# 9885

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As I currently work at Woolies, it's quite funny just observing some the people that come through and the stupid things people say. I work mainly on Saturday and I'd like to have a dollar for everytime somebody says to me "I wonder why it's so busy today?" or "Man you guys need to open up more registers, the lines are rediculous", here's a thought...

Don't go shopping on a Saturday and expect any of the registers to be free, the only reason it's busy is because you and everyone else in here decided to go shopping today!!!

Thinking about it, I have actually told customers that, particularly if they are whinging to me about it, I also tell them that the only way you'd get me into Woolies on a Saturday is if I'm working behind the register.

Well either way, lots of social experiments are to be had within the walls of shopping centres. [Cool]

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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

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quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
One of my friends observed a woman open a jar of honey and dunk her kid's dummy in it (gave to child to suck) then put it back on the shelf. My friend asked her: "Are you going to buy that?" but the woman ignored her and walked off.

You wonder how often she'd done that or similar things in the past, don't you.
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Alfred E. Neuman

What? Me worry?
# 6855

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quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
[...] I might challenge someone who does that one day just for fun.

No, you won't. You'll stand there with a flacid, blank stare on your face and wait your turn just like all the other hapless drones in line.

...and here's a hypnotic suggestion: While you are standing there in helpless frustration, you will remember me mocking your ineffectual protestations on this thread.

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