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Source: (consider it) Thread: Heaven: The Flirting Thread Redux
EnglishRose
Shipmate
# 4808

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Ladies and Gentlemen,

Regulars will recall that we had a thread in Heaven last year on How to Flirt.

Following on from recent postings on TDA, I have been persuaded by certain people (you know who you are!) that it is time to revive the Flirting Thread.

The purpose of the thread is provide a place for Expert Flirters to impart their wisdom about the mysteries of flirting to the rest of us. Eager students may ask questions and practise their Flirting Technique.

Let the flirting begin.............. [Two face]

[ 19. June 2005, 06:20: Message edited by: KenWritez ]

Posts: 544 | From: London | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Codepoet

Best Bear On Board
# 5964

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Codepoet draws up a chair, and rubbing his thighs, sits down and eagerly looks around keen to learn.


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It's more important to be kind than to be right.

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ChastMastr
Shipmate
# 716

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If the pictures of the person you see online seem to show a crazed or desperate maddened gleam in their eye, do not try to flirt with them. Even if you feel sorry for them, or think they might be a nice piece of rough trade, or a combination of both.

... no one else has this problem, do they? The cub is so much better than I am at saying, right off the bat, that they look insane, and I go unerringly for them right away...

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My essays on comics continuity: http://chastmastr.tumblr.com/tagged/continuity

Posts: 14068 | From: Clearwater, Florida | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged
Esmeralda

Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582

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quote:
Originally posted by Codepoet:
Codepoet draws up a chair, and rubbing his thighs, sits down and eagerly looks around keen to learn.

First rule of flirting: don't rub your thighs. It will make you look altogether too eager.

Second rule: don't rub anyone else's thighs either, until you are fairly sure they would like it. [Biased]

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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/

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Glimmer

Ship's Lantern
# 4540

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Is rubbing anything allowed? Or is it right out altogether? Been so long since I had a flirt. Or a rub, come to think of it.

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The original, unchanged 4540.
The Temple area, Ankh Morpork

Posts: 1749 | From: Ankh Morpork, Dorset | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged
Go Anne Go

Amazonian Wonder
# 3519

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Once you've already got a good flirty conversation going, I would say that rubbing someone's hand can be a very flirtatious move.

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Go Anne Go, you is the bestest shipmate evah - Kelly Alveswww.goannego.com

Posts: 2227 | From: Home of the 2004 World Series Champion Red Sox | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by Go Anne Go:
Once you've already got a good flirty conversation going, I would say that rubbing someone's hand can be a very flirtatious move.

Even moving your hand towards theirs can. But do it slowly, not a mad rush.

It's the pace at which things are done that makes for flirting. That and eye-meets.

-

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
saysay

Ship's Praying Mantis
# 6645

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quote:
Originally posted by ChastMastr:
If the pictures of the person you see online seem to show a crazed or desperate maddened gleam in their eye, do not try to flirt with them. Even if you feel sorry for them, or think they might be a nice piece of rough trade, or a combination of both.

... no one else has this problem, do they? The cub is so much better than I am at saying, right off the bat, that they look insane, and I go unerringly for them right away...

Years ago I received this advice:

If any part of your encounter with another person reminds you in any way of any David Lynch movie, run quickly in the opposite direction.

Sound advice, I've found.

--------------------
"It's been a long day without you, my friend
I'll tell you all about it when I see you again"
"'Oh sweet baby purple Jesus' - that's a direct quote from a 9 year old - shoutout to purple Jesus."

Posts: 2943 | From: The Wire | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged
Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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Before you even begin a flirtation, try to develop yourself a list of Touches Acceptable In Almost Any Situation Between Almost Any Two People.

That way, you've something to draw on when you get to that point. You don't wanna just jump in and start touching stuff. You never know what might happen.

There's the Side-By-Side Casual Shoulder Bump While Walking Together. That one's nice, especially in sleeveless weather. You can make conversational emphases with it, while innocently enjoying the other person's lovely musculature or impressing them with your own.

And there's the Shaking Hands Upon Meeting, Gently Clasping The Other Person's Hand In Both Of Yours And Giving It A Nice Pat.

If the other person seems to be in a playful mood you could always try the Turning The Other's Palm Up On The Table To Trail Your Fingertips Lightly Over It While Pretending To Trace The Lines & Fortell Their Future move.

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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Rat
Ship's Rat
# 3373

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I can't do flirting, so I will read with interest and hope to be educated.

quote:
Originally posted by Go Anne Go:
Once you've already got a good flirty conversation going, I would say that rubbing someone's hand can be a very flirtatious move.

quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
If the other person seems to be in a playful mood you could always try the Turning The Other's Palm Up On The Table To Trail Your Fingertips Lightly Over It While Pretending To Trace The Lines & Fortell Their Future move.



Good heavens! I'd read either of those as a direct pass, rather than a flirt, and would never think of doing either (unless I was intending to, ahem, follow through). Is US culture perhaps more tactile than UK? Or am I just showing my lack of flirting skills again?

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It's a matter of food and available blood. If motherhood is sacred, put your money where your mouth is. Only then can you expect the coming down to the wrecked & shimmering earth of that miracle you sing about. [Margaret Atwood]

Posts: 5285 | From: A dour region for dour folk | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged
Esmeralda

Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582

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Touching is so culturally conditioned, isn't it? I read about some research once ago about how many times two men touched each other in a conversation of the same length. In Brazil, I think, it was 88; in America or Britain, none.

So, if you happen to be a 'wave your hands around while you talk, and touch people for emphasis' sort of person, it's quite easy to pat someone's knee in the course of conversation, and accidentally leave it there (as I did once at a party, which led not long after to the man in question nibbling my earring off [Hot and Hormonal] ).

But if you're not naturally a touching person, any move you make becomes so much more significant.

I'm personally a words person and a touchy person, so I use both in flirting (and before anyone leaps in and points out that I'm married, yes I know that. My husband is not the flirty type at all, so I have to get my excitement somewhere!)

--------------------
I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/

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Ahleal V
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# 8404

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quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
And there's the Shaking Hands Upon Meeting, Gently Clasping The Other Person's Hand In Both Of Yours And Giving It A Nice Pat.

To be honest, I think it find that rather creepy!

I've always found lingering eye contact to work for me...and if it's going really badly there's always the 'helpless' smile.

x

AV

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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I'm beginning to think Janine is some pervy Anglican priest - she sure reminds me of someone I knew as a child... <thinks and shudders>

I think my GLE teachers frowned on flirting in any case. I'm darned sure clasping hands wasn't allowed till you were engaged.

'Superflirt' is a great book. But I'm disappointed as I've never experienced the 'Triangle' - where a guy looks you in the eyes, then at your lips, then flicks his gaze down and goes back to your eyes. Either I know too many Christians or they don't bother with the eyes and mouth gazing. [Roll Eyes]

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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Craigmaddie
c/o The Pickwick Club
# 8367

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I have to admit that I find "dating tips" as such just a shade creepy. In my mind such conscious attempts to reel in another person are connected with books (and I use that term very loosely) like The Rules which essentially advocate double-handedness and manipulation. Call me old-fashioned, but ain't it just better to be yourself and let the other person respond to something more resembling the real you?

No, it's never worked for me either... [Waterworks]

From my own perspective as a male, I find the tragic incompatibility between men and women lies in how we initially respond to each other. Women almost seem to be genetically programmed to respond to "cocky confidence" in a man and so often hook up with men who don't give a flying toss about them. Conversely, as a man, I find that if I really like a certain woman then my social skills retard to that of a 5 year-old and I say things that will cause my cheeks to flush with shame for weeks afterwards. Of course, if I'm not terribly interested in them as a prospective partner then I can engage them in witty and amusing conversation without a flicker of nervousness on my part and very often succeed in unwittingly attracting them.

I'm sure someone up there must be enjoying themselves at our expense... [Roll Eyes]

--------------------
Via Veritas Vita

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Little Miss Methodist*

Ship's Diplomat
# 4367

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I thought i'd post some tips that I learned from the film "Hitch" - about a guy who teaches men to flirt and be attractive to women, which I went to see last night with some friends.

Hitch's top tips:
  • If a girl wants to kiss you at the door, she will play with her keys before unlocking the door.
    A girl who just unlocks the door isn't interested.
  • Being confident will make her notice you more - don't be over confident, just sound at ease with yourself.
  • Don't try to sound knowledgeable about something you know nothing about (even if its her favourite thing) - you'll get caught out and look dumb.
  • Don't do any "mad" dancing. Girls don't like that.
These are the things I remember from the film - not my own suggestions, so they carry no endorsements!

Actually, the main tip in the film is to be yourself. Its a great film - made us laugh alot. The bit at the end is just great. [Smile]

I think the keys thing is interesting, 'cause if I get walked to my front door by a guy (ie - never), i'd ask them in for a drink if I liked them, so would automatically unlock the door straightaway. Maybe it's a cultural thing?

I'm a hopeless flirt. I can flirt if I want to - as chaplain my students used to say that I could get whatever I wanted just by smiling the right way (its true [Hot and Hormonal] ), however I can only do that when it doesn't really matter. As soon as I think I might like someone, I lose all flirting abilities, and try desperately to cover up any signs I might be giving out that I like them. Clearly this is a problem. Its not too bad - I do eventually relax, but I sometimes wonder how many opportunities I miss just because I don't think the person could possibly like me too, and an terrified of looking stupid and getting embarassed. [Roll Eyes]

One last thing - one of the things Hitch does is google all the women he helps set up men with. Is this a general phenomenon?

LMM

--------------------
Past the point of no return,
The final threshold.
The bridge is crossed, so stand and watch it burn.
We've passed the point of no return.

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Vikki Pollard
Shipmate
# 5548

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Googling is fairly common. I have googled guys I've met online (on dating sites) if they have given me any personal info, for safety purposes. If they say they work at a Uni and there they are on the staff list, I somehow feel slightly happier!

Women almost seem to be genetically programmed to respond to "cocky confidence" in a man and so often hook up with men who don't give a flying toss about them.
NO!!!! No no NO. Though I must concede, lots of women DO seem to be attracted to total pillocks. I guess someone has to be.

Conversely, as a man, I find that if I really like a certain woman then my social skills retard to that of a 5 year-old and I say things that will cause my cheeks to flush with shame for weeks afterwards.
A lot of us find that very endearing - though we try not to think where the blood from your brain has rushed to... [Biased]

Of course, if I'm not terribly interested in them as a prospective partner then I can engage them in witty and amusing conversation without a flicker of nervousness on my part and very often succeed in unwittingly attracting them.
[Frown] Ogod. No wonder men find me 'easy to talk to'.

Damn, damn DAMN!!! [Disappointed] [Help]

--------------------
"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

Posts: 5695 | From: The Far Side | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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I saw Hitch the other day, it was great. It's the sort of romantic comedy with some dramatic bits that actually engages my interest.

And the fact that the FG enjoyed Will Smith in Independence Day and the two MIB flicks and Fresh Prince of Bel Air just might get him to go with me to see it himself.

Some additional good points of that movie were also:

*strike a balance between originality and sturdy stable tradition

*don't be afraid to gracefully admit it when you've messed up

and

*do please Google thoroughly if you're going to Google at all!

--------------------
I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Clint Boggis
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# 633

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quote:
Rat said:
I can't do flirting, so I will read with interest and hope to be educated.

which is pretty well my position.

quote:
selected words of Craigmaddie:
I have to admit that I find "dating tips" as such just a shade creepy....

.... as a man, I find that if I really like a certain woman then my social skills retard to that of a 5 year-old .... if I'm not terribly interested in them as a prospective partner then I can engage them in witty and amusing conversation without a flicker of nervousness on my part.


Yes. I think I give in. I can't do it. And yet, I was drawn to this thread.

A question: How do you get within touching distance without them spotting you and running away? [Confused]

Posts: 1505 | From: south coast | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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Hmm...well, in my experience:

Get just inside their personal space while you talk to them. Make constant eye contact and smile while you're doing it.

If they move in closer then it's OK to put your hand on their shoulder occasionally while you continue talking to them.

Maintain the eye contact and the smiling the whole time. Do not look away. Do not let them look away. But the eye contact must be accompanied by the smiling otherwise you'll come over as too aggressive.

At the end of the conversation, especially if it's in a church situation, give them a brief hug in Christian Love, subtly running your hand down their side as you disengage to check for the dreaded love handles.

It's best to know these things up front so you don't waste anymore time on them in the future.

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Go Anne Go

Amazonian Wonder
# 3519

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The rubbing of someone's hand I suppose could be a direct pass instead of just a flirty thing. Where does the line lie? A guy I was dating once greeted me this way all the time, rather than embarrass everyone by kissing me. I kinda liked it, and I found it real flirty.

As for the "suddenly develop social skills ofa five year old" it can be endearing to us gals. That is, once we figure out that's what it is. I went out on a date a couple of weeks ago, had a great time, and the guy walks me to the train stop at which point I actually thought to myself "why did his IQ drop 80 points just now?" Then I realized it was because it was the first kiss point of the evening. Oh goody. But it still took him a while to work up to it, and in the interim there was the dreaded.....
pat on the arm. (Cue ominous music.)

It said to me "oh, no, he dosn't want to kiss me, he just doesn't now how to exit the situation gracefully."

Which meant of course that when he did kiss me, it caught me totally offguard and I was not at my finest. Thankfully I am to be given a second chance. Whew!

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Go Anne Go, you is the bestest shipmate evah - Kelly Alveswww.goannego.com

Posts: 2227 | From: Home of the 2004 World Series Champion Red Sox | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged
KenWritez
Shipmate
# 3238

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I remember two things that helped me enormously. (Hey, I was engaged three times before I found the SW, so I had to've been doing something right.)

1) Everyone loves the sound of their own name.

2) Everyone has a sign hanging around their neck: "Make me feel important."

Learn it, live it, love it.

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"The truth is you're the weak. And I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be a shepherd." --Quentin Tarantino, Pulp Fiction

My blog: http://oxygenofgrace.blogspot.com

Posts: 11102 | From: Left coast of Wonderland, by the rabbit hole | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged
Craigmaddie
c/o The Pickwick Club
# 8367

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The mention of Googling people makes me suspect that in the near future someone will come along and create a wesbite in the style of Amazon or eBay where you can check out the ratings for a potential partner...

Craigmaddie - Avg. 2 1/2 Stars

2 Stars - "Wore white socks on our first date!"

3 Stars - "Nice guy - shame about the car..."


Stop the world I want to get off! [Eek!]

--------------------
Via Veritas Vita

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EnglishRose
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# 4808

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I'm absolutely hopeless at recognising when guys are flirting with me. It never occurs to me that they're interested in anything more than the conversation we're having.

As for my flirting skills, the less said the better. [Hot and Hormonal] I always feel so self conscious that I tend to avoid it at all costs with anyone that I fancy, just in case they aren't interested. So of course they assume that I'm not interested in them, with the inevitable result that nothing happens. [Frown]

I think I'm going to have to start practising. A question. Is this flirting business as obvious and contrived as it feels?

Posts: 544 | From: London | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged
Sine Nomine*

Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by Curiosus:
Is this flirting business as obvious and contrived as it feels?

Well, if it's not somewhat obvious it kinda misses the point, doesn't it?

As to contrived, not really, in my opinion. KenWritez is absolutely correct. If you like someone you need to let them know it. Of course it doesn't have to necessarily be a potential life-partner. It's amazing to me how much you can enrich your life if you just really focus on whomever you're talking to. Most people don't.

They're too busy worrying about how they're coming across or what they're going to say next to really listen to what the other person is saying. The quote I currently have tatooed on my forehead is "the first duty of love is to listen". I'd say it's the first duty of "like" also.

Essentially you've got to make them feel like they're they most important person in the world, at least for the duration of the conversation. And for God's sake, don't let your eyes wander while you're listening to them.

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Girl with the pearl earring
Apprentice
# 9151

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One of the tips I saw (for girls) on one of these 'improve your flirting skills/have a makeover/find your partner for life' programmes, which I've always remembered, (and use every now and then!) is to put your hand up near your cleavage/run it over the skin at the base of your neck when the guy you're with is talking, and move it away when he stops. Subconsciously (maybe even consciously!) he wants you to keep your hand there, so he keeps talking. It keeps conversation going!

I'm pretty hopeless at working out where guys are flirting with me - I frequently leave a pub with my friends and they all reckon that one of the guys we've been chatting with was coming onto me, and I never notice it. One night I was in the pub with my best mate, and some of ther friends, and didn't notice that the guy I was sitting next to was getting closer and closer to me until I nearly fell of the other side of my chair - I'd been edging away without even realising what was happening!

GWTPE x

Posts: 26 | From: Cambridge UK | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged
Vikki Pollard
Shipmate
# 5548

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What Curiosos said. All of it.

Let's face it, we're all DOOMED.

I find flirting that I have to plan or think about feels false. Apparently I do it naturally anyway. Just a shame that I have no idea whether the guy I'm with is seeing me that way (although given my point above re being easy to talk to, I think I'm right to assume usually not! lol)

Dammit, I want to be loved for ME, not for my ability to 'do the flirting right'.

[Frown]

I'm quite curious about when my Romantic Optimism will cave in under the weight of my Cynical Realism. At the moment I live balanced between the two, but I fear there's a window which will close one day - after which I'll just get more and more cats and spend more time practising the piano. Alone... [Biased]

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

Posts: 5695 | From: The Far Side | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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Whether you're interviewing for a potential babysitter, or whether you're trying to pick a realtor, or whether you're meeting new people at a work-related party, or whether you're attending a family party to meet some cousin's new fiancee, or whether you're trying to get to know your kid's teacher, or whether you're trawling the bookstore for a potential date...

You offer yourself, conversationally I mean -- you offer your interest. And you find something interesting about the other person. And you build on that.

Is that flirting, or just conversation with panache?

If you want to build up the interpersonal side and downplay the potentially troublesome physical side, just be Jesus at them for a while.

The best film Jesus I ever saw managed to focus on the person He was talking to. To be there in that moment with them, right? That's how I always imagined Jesus.

That's how to be to collect new people into your life. Then go from there to cultivate the potential romances, IMO.
b

--------------------
I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

Posts: 13788 | From: Below the Bible Belt | Registered: Sep 2002  |  IP: Logged
Vikki Pollard
Shipmate
# 5548

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Maybe flirting has a sexual connotation for Brits that it don't for those who eat grits..?

--------------------
"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

Posts: 5695 | From: The Far Side | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
EnglishRose
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# 4808

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Never mind flirting, just talking seems to have different connotations in the UK. Everyone seems to assume that as soon as you talk to a guy you must be interested in him, or vice versa. There's so much pressure before anyone has had the chance just to become friends.
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Sine Nomine*

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# 3631

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No, there's a sexual undertone in the Grits Belt too. But you can make people feel special and attractive without there being any real intention of bedding them.

Lord knows women flirt with me all the time, I guess because it's "safe". I don't think they'd be very happy if I suddenly said "Your place or mine, Baby?"

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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Yes...

Well I'm going to a party tonight, so I promise to report back.

But... why am I not expecting to meet any possibles??

BTW I simply don't flirt if someone has a wedding ring or appears to be with someone. Maybe it's different for younger people but I have a horror of being 'improper'. Maybe that's different in the UK too - or is it just me?

[Frown]

<feeling less attractive by the minute>

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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The 'yes' was to the post before Sine!

A guy who visits our office (and is VERY married) tries it on with all the women - in jest. One week we decided I should appear to take him up on it, and we predicted how he'd respond.

LOLOLOLOL

Ran a mile. [Killing me]

In fact, even though he now knows I was joking, it does seem to have cured him. You can actually discuss work with him, now.

[ 12. March 2005, 12:00: Message edited by: Vikki Pollard ]

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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Sine Nomine*

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# 3631

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Well, Janine's advice above is excellent. Try not to think about yourself. Of course Southern women are good at making people feel "special". It really is something they're brought up to do. (Or at least used to be, in some circles.)

You know, you can never go wrong with picking lint off of a man's lapel. I'm not joking. Do not, however, do it to a married man.

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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I don't think about myself. Which is why I'm supposed to be 'good fun'.

I know about the lint - however that comes under my 'forced moves' list and I'm sure if I did that to someone he would just think I was a nit-picker.

I'm beginning to think there is more of a cultural difference here than I suspected. In my part of the UK it is only good manners to be as Janine describes. Visitors from the South comment on our being anything fromm 'friendly' to 'overfamiliar'. Certainly anyone talking as Janine does, from my part of the country would, however, be seen as extremely sexualised. We just don't interpret every interaction in terms of how good we've made someone feel about themselves, although we are very likely to know all about our travelling companions' bowel habits or divorce within five minutes of meeting them. [Big Grin]

I was genuinely taught in my GLE circles that some of the behaviour described on here would be 'leading people on' - not that I think that now, but I wonder what US GLEs are taught...?

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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Sine Nomine*

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# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by Vikki Pollard:
I was genuinely taught in my GLE circles that some of the behaviour described on here would be 'leading people on' - not that I think that now, but I wonder what US GLEs are taught...?

Well sometimes it is leading people on.

I've had a bit of a puzzlement with a guy at church about that. As best I can tell he's saying "I think you're hot and I'd like to go to bed with you, but it will have to be in an alternate universe since I've got a lover in this one."

It's still fun though.

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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It's fun when someones feeling strong.

It's NOT fun when someone's feeling lonely.

I never know how people are feeling, so...

Anyway bless ya honey, you have fun!! [Biased]

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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Esmeralda

Ship's token UK Mennonite
# 582

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quote:
Originally posted by Vikki Pollard:
I know about the lint - however that comes under my 'forced moves' list and I'm sure if I did that to someone he would just think I was a nit-picker.

No Vikki, she said lint . Picking nits off someone would just be gross. [Big Grin]

I'm with LMM, I've always been a natural flirt when it didn't much matter (though I tried not to give encouragement to unwanteds). But as soon as I really fancied someone I would go all inept and say entirely the wrong things.

Probably a good thing, these days, as Spouse™ doesn't need to worry! (though I did accidentally have an email 'romance' with someone I really like, a couple of years ago, which was very unsettling and traumatic - and I told Spouse™ all about it, and he was OK with it). Which leads me to ask:

Is it easier to flirt by email?

[ 12. March 2005, 13:56: Message edited by: Esmeralda ]

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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/

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Sine Nomine*

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# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by Esmeralda:
(though I did accidentally have an email 'romance' with someone I really like, a couple of years ago, which was very unsettling and traumatic...).

As parenthetical sentences go, that's a pretty good one. Especially the "accidentally" part.
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Augustine the Aleut
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# 1472

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The word "flirt" causes trauma and amusement with that small gang of us raised in, or on the fringes of, French-speaking Canada. Here the verb "flirter," evidently borrowed from the English, can (but not necessarily) mean "to have sex with."

This means that the French phrase: "J'ai flirté avec lui le fin de semaine passé" can either mean a charming little discussion, or hours of well-slaked lust. Unless one is very familiar with the context, one can easily find oneself misunderstanding a situation.

This is also particularly stressful for French-Canadians whose English is a bit spotty and can be startled when hearing of someone "flirting at church." They never were certain what Anglicans might have been up to, but now they know, and will always look at us a bit differently.

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Clint Boggis
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# 633

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Sine wrote:
quote:
Essentially you've got to make them feel like they're they most important person in the world, at least for the duration of the conversation. And for God's sake, don't let your eyes wander while you're listening to them.
Looking around to see if there's anyone else more interesting is wrong but so is relentlessly fixing your eyes on them, which will surely freak them out. It certainly would me. A happy medium IMO would be mostly looking at them but briefly looking away.

quote:
Picking nits off someone
What Vikki said made me think this too. Maybe it would be good advice for gorillas wanting to broaden their social horizons.

The fluff-picking just makes me think of a mother smoothing ruffled hair or wiping the nose of a 6 year old son.

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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I think I'd rather have someone pick nits off me than wipe my nose...

So - generally NOT a good move with British men, the lint-picking.

OK.

Apparently this party is a Karaoke so I get to embarrass Lucy. [Big Grin] Not that I've ever tried karaoke, but I can sing. Although I'm driving so it'll be on water. Maybe not a good idea. [Paranoid] There again, beats hell out of lint-picking. [Razz]

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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The Lady of the Lake
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# 4347

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I agree that 'advice' on this subject is a little bit odd, as if we should try to behave differently from how we really are.
I don't think people need to flirt to show that they are attracted to someone. In some cultures people are just incredibly, disarmingly polite to the person they like and smile a lot and look at their face as much as possible.
I can certainly identify with repressing behaviour if I do actually like someone, but that's often because we become friends anyway.
[Help] [Hot and Hormonal] [brick wall] [Eek!]

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If I had a coat, I would get it.

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Esmeralda

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# 582

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quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
quote:
Originally posted by Esmeralda:
(though I did accidentally have an email 'romance' with someone I really like, a couple of years ago, which was very unsettling and traumatic...).

As parenthetical sentences go, that's a pretty good one. Especially the "accidentally" part.
Well, you see, I wrote him this e-Valentine in an idle moment, not really intending to send it, but next time I logged on, I hit 'send and receive' without remembering it was still there in the Outbox, so... Then I got a rather positive reply, which was even scarier, and it all escalated from there. Very exciting, though, after you've been safely married for 14 years.

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I can take the despair. It's the hope I can't stand.

http://reversedstandard.wordpress.com/

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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OK I don't know WHO was praying or WHAT you prayed, but I have to report that tonight at the party I was groped by a drunken old lech and a rather nice young man.

They approached from behind before I could give any flirting signal at all (not even that - I was sitting down).

But I think my fate as a single woman was sealed when I was (and this is the absolute truth) chatted up by a tone-deaf, drunken midget.

OKAY OKAY OKAY.

I give in.

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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Sine Nomine*

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# 3631

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quote:
Originally posted by Vikki Pollard:
They approached from behind before I could give any flirting signal at all (not even that - I was sitting down).

Apparently you're a living, breathing "flirting signal". [Overused]
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Janine

The Endless Simmer
# 3337

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I want to know just how the two guys groped you when you were sitting down.

Just exactly what did they grope?

And were they working the room in tandem?

And if they came from behind and decided on you, you must be a real looker -- they decided on you based on your rear view...

And why would conversation with a tone-deaf midget mean you are gonna stay single? [Confused] 'Splain yourself!

I've been married just about 24 years now, so must have forgotten a lot about such parties. [Razz]

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I'm a Fundagelical Evangimentalist. What are you?
Take Me Home * My Heart * An hour with Rich Mullins *

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Vikki Pollard
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# 5548

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According to Lucy I 'always look glamorous'. [Cool]

We try...

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"I don't get all this fuss about global warming, Miss. Why doesn't the Government just knock down all the f**king greenhouses?" (One of my slightly less bright 15 year old pupils)

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Scots lass
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# 2699

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quote:
Sine wrote:
Essentially you've got to make them feel like they're they most important person in the world, at least for the duration of the conversation.

Absolutely! I used to know a guy who, every time I spoke to him, used to make me go away feeling really special and as if he fancied me. He didn't, and I knew he didn't, but it was only later that I realised it was because when he spoke to women he made them feel like they were the only woman in the world! It was fantastic [Biased] .

What I need is advice on how to read subtle signals! From guys who I know already, rather than guys I meet in a pub, where generally it's pretty obvious. So, subtle guys, how do you flirt with your friends who you might like? I sometimes wonder if I've missed out by not reading signals and so not giving the response I would have done if asked outright [Help] !

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share a ferret
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# 8975

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I'd like to know that too! I've got this friend that I've liked for...I don't know...maybe nearly two years! And I always act as normal as possible around him because I'm scared that if he thought I fancied him it would just make things wierd!!
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The Lady of the Lake
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# 4347

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quote:
The mention of Googling people makes me suspect that in the near future someone will come along and create a wesbite in the style of Amazon or eBay where you can check out the ratings for a potential partner...
There's always this site. I seem to remember Off Centre View put his pic on there recently and some of us rated him... [Killing me]

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If I had a coat, I would get it.

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