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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Heaven: Godly chat-up lines
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Ancient Mariner
Sip the ship
# 4
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Posted
I've recently worked on a story with our friends at Christian Connection for the Daily Telegraph on godly chat-up lines. Full story here.
Christian Connection asked churchgoers for their favourites. The best follow. Any more for any more?
- 'Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives. He never met you.'
- 'I just don't feel called to celibacy.'
- 'I didn't believe in predestination until tonight.'
- 'My parents are home, wanna come over?'
- 'Is that a thinline, duo-tone, compact, ESV travel bible in your pocket?'
- 'Let me sell you an indulgence - it's a sin to look as good as you.'
- 'How many times do I have to walk around you before you fall for me?"
- 'I like to arrange the substantial Christian section of my bookshelf into alphabetical order. Coffee?"
- 'The name is Will. God's Will.'
[ 02. July 2010, 18:33: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
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Ship of Fools' first novel, Rattles & Rosettes, is the tale of two football (soccer) fans: 16-year-old Tom in 1914 and Dan in 2010. More at www.rattlesandrosettes.com
Posts: 2582 | From: St Helens (near Liverpool) UK | Registered: May 2001
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
*tangent*
Being a crummy typist, I accidentally typed bbce.co.uk instead of BBC... and got a Muslim dating service. Given what I was expecting, it was a bit of a shock!
*tangent off*
Hi, I'm Lazarus. Wanna see me rise from the dead?
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
You walked into the room and I thought it was the rapture.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
Do you want to receive the gift of tongues?
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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kentishmaid
Shipmate
# 4767
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Posted
Fancy a bit of how's Our Father?
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"Who'll be the lady, who'll be the lord, when we are ruled by the love of one another?"
Posts: 2063 | From: Huddersfield | Registered: Jul 2003
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MusicMonkey
Shipmate
# 3396
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Posted
Coincidentally, a friend and I were having this discussion a few weeks back. I'd love to claim these examples as my own...
For Kendrick fans: From heaven you came, helpless babe.
Would you like to survey my wondrous cross?
Fancy meeting up for a chat about predestination? Yeah, that's right, you've no choice.
Posts: 142 | From: North East England | Registered: Oct 2002
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Cardinal Pole Vault
Papal Bull
# 4193
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Posted
Is that a BCP in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
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"Make tea, not war"
Posts: 986 | From: Insula Tiberina | Registered: Mar 2003
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Are you my neighbour? No? Fantastic - 'cos I really covet your ass!
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Will of Will's Page swears by the last one on AM's list. I believe he is currently on his 495th girlfriend. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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fletcher christian
Mutinous Seadog
# 13919
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Posted
Did it hurt?......
When you fell out of heaven?
![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
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'God is love insaturable, love impossible to describe'
Staretz Silouan
Posts: 5235 | From: a prefecture | Registered: Jul 2008
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MusicMonkey:
Fancy meeting up for a chat about predestination?
I think that was my father's one, over forty years later he is still happily married only I think the word "chat" might have been slightly different "discussion" "argument" "teaching session" hum none quite right. Put it this way mum was/is a pious Arminian.
Jengie
[ 08. September 2008, 15:09: Message edited by: Jengie Jon ]
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
You're not one of the Elect either? In which case, it doesn't matter if we sin...
PS Great Gumby, that's in very poor taste. ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
AG
[ 08. September 2008, 16:01: Message edited by: Sandemaniac ]
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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cattyish
Wuss in Boots
# 7829
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Posted
Who needs chat-up lines when the person leading the service says: "Go pray with someone you don't know."
Well, it worked for me.
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...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Posts: 1794 | From: Scotland | Registered: Jul 2004
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wheelie racer
Shipmate
# 13854
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Posted
This is one that actually happened to my friend.
Guy came up to her in Church and said God told me to marry you
Lo and behold, 6 months later they were indeed married (six years on they are now divorced, but that's another story..)
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Disability Rights: To boldly go where everyone else has gone..
Posts: 171 | From: off this planet | Registered: Jun 2008
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Hey baby, ever wondered who Ezekiel 23:20 was written about?
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
I feel moved to join you in the laying on of hands
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
This thread brings to mind the great tune "Walking in Memphis," which includes the lyrics
quote:
She said,
Tell me, are you a Christian child?
I said, "Ma'am, I am tonight."
I always thought of this line as a spontaneous outpouring of gratitude to the Almighty for finding a good woman. My son said it was just "Lying about Jesus in order to get laid." He's probably right. Sigh. Another illusion shattered.
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
Wanna see why they call me Goliath?
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Jahlove
Tied to the mast
# 10290
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Great Gumby:
Wanna see why they call me Goliath?
to which I feel a suitable response is:
"because you're the most enormous Philistine?"
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“Sing like no one's listening, love like you've never been hurt, dance like nobody's watching, and live like its heaven on earth.” - Mark Twain
Posts: 6477 | From: Alice's Restaurant (UK Franchise) | Registered: Sep 2005
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Loveheart
Blue-scarved menace
# 12249
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:
quote:
Originally posted by The Great Gumby:
Wanna see why they call me Goliath?
to which I feel a suitable response is:
"because you're the most enormous Philistine?"
![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
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You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. Mahatma Gandhi
Posts: 3638 | From: UK | Registered: Jan 2007
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
One I remember from a similar idea in the vintage Wittenburg Door:
"You have the soul of Mother Teresa and the body of Amy Grant."
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
my soul panteth after thee.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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basso
Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:
Hey baby, ever wondered who Ezekiel 23:20 was written about?
Nah - the jawbone of an ass is in Judges...
Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003
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Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433
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Posted
Oh dear - the cost of being a Heavenly Host is that I have now spread about three gallons of coffee spray over my screen.
Kuruman and I got together in an argument over Universalism, but I doubt I had a witty opening line. Maybe 'if I show you my christological universalism can I see your ... errrm ... christological inclusivism?'
Er. No. I think NOT. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
[In actual fact I was a broadcaster at the time and my opening line was 'hey, you're kuruman and I wanna interview you', which is nearly as bad]
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shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/
Posts: 18917 | From: "Central" is all they call it | Registered: Sep 2004
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
How do you fancy a bit of backsliding?
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
Would you like to be fearfully and wonderfully laid?
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Someone who is now a priest, so I won't divulge her name, once reported that her teenage boyfriend declared 'God wants us to explore the beauty of what he has created' as his hands started to wander.....
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
Hey, it worked for Solomon.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Izzybee:
TGG - should we be worried that you're so good at these?
I'm not sure. I don't think I've ever been to a party in Baltimore. ![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Did you know I've got a ministry of emboldening prayer? After 5 minutes with me, you'll be screaming out to God.
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Yerevan
Shipmate
# 10383
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
quote:
Originally posted by MusicMonkey:
Fancy meeting up for a chat about predestination?
I think that was my father's one, over forty years later he is still happily married only I think the word "chat" might have been slightly different "discussion" "argument" "teaching session" hum none quite right. Put it this way mum was/is a pious Arminian.
Jengie
"Wanna learnt about total depravity?"
Posts: 3758 | From: In the middle | Registered: Sep 2005
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
I can see why the Bible says God's a potter - those jugs are divine!
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Yerevan
Shipmate
# 10383
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Yerevan:
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
quote:
Originally posted by MusicMonkey:
Fancy meeting up for a chat about predestination?
I think that was my father's one, over forty years later he is still happily married only I think the word "chat" might have been slightly different "discussion" "argument" "teaching session" hum none quite right. Put it this way mum was/is a pious Arminian.
Jengie
"Wanna learnt about total depravity?"
Of course that would sound better if I could read
[ 08. September 2008, 21:06: Message edited by: Yerevan ]
Posts: 3758 | From: In the middle | Registered: Sep 2005
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
TGG - did you use all of those lines on Keren-Happuch?
Poor girl. ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:
Hey baby, ever wondered who Ezekiel 23:20 was written about?
Someday, when I'm really bored, I'm going to join a Christian dating site, and my teaser line will be "Titus 2 woman seeks Ezekiel 23:20 man." Just to see how many takers I get.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
Though if I were being honest, I guess it would have to be "Judges 5:26 woman ...."
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Not a Proverbs 31 woman?
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
Hey, it worked for Solomon.
As I recall, there was a thread on cheesy chat-up lines a few months ago which engendered some discussion about "thy hair is as a flock of goats" from the SoS. What with goats being somewhat, um, aromatic ... it was concluded that the line wouldn't work so well today.
[ 09. September 2008, 03:36: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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neandergirl
Opposing the thumb
# 8916
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Izzybee:
TGG - should we be worried that you're so good at these?
I, too, was intrigued by TGG's ease and skill in this.
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Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 NIV
We come from love, we return to love, and all around is love.
Lord, ease our burdens, give us peace and enable us to do your work. Tree Bee
Posts: 2579 | From: 21218 | Registered: Dec 2004
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
I like the way your cup runneth over.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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Mamacita
Lakefront liberal
# 3659
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Posted
Shouldn't that be plural? Otherwise it's just a "wardrobe malfunction."
[ 09. September 2008, 05:07: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
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Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
Posts: 20761 | From: where the purple line ends | Registered: Dec 2002
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
Believe it or not, I've never been any good with chat-up lines, and I've never even used one. I can only assume that God has given this thread His blessing with a special anointing.
Do you want to feel the Spirit move?
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Ancient Mariner
Sip the ship
# 4
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Posted
How're YOU Jew-ing?
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Ship of Fools' first novel, Rattles & Rosettes, is the tale of two football (soccer) fans: 16-year-old Tom in 1914 and Dan in 2010. More at www.rattlesandrosettes.com
Posts: 2582 | From: St Helens (near Liverpool) UK | Registered: May 2001
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the parsley sage
Shipmate
# 12821
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Posted
"Nice bracelet. WWJD: What Would Jesus Date? Oh, I mean 'Do'..."
"You know Jesus?! Me too!"
"Are you busy tonight? Fancy a Bible study?"
We had fun with these at a youth camp recently. One of the camp directors published a list in the daily newsletter...
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Boys in books are better
Posts: 934 | From: in a race against thyme | Registered: Jul 2007
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Hedgerow Priest
Shipmate
# 13905
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Posted
"awright darlin'! fancy getting down to some serious exegesis at my place?"
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"Where is the Love"
Saint Fergy de Pea
Posts: 362 | From: London | Registered: Jul 2008
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by the parsley sage:
"Nice bracelet. WWJD: What Would Jesus Date? Oh, I mean 'Do'..."
In a similar vein:
WWJD: Who Would Jesus Do?
[ 09. September 2008, 09:21: Message edited by: The Great Gumby ]
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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The Great Gumby
Ship's Brain Surgeon
# 10989
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Posted
Fancy a bit of Love Your Neighbour?
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The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you are the easiest person to fool. - Richard Feynman
A letter to my son about death
Posts: 5382 | From: Home for shot clergy spouses | Registered: Feb 2006
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
I've just found a suitable one in a story I've been reading:
I feel another revival comin' on. Let's get to the sinnin' part.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Great Gumby:
I can only assume that God has given this thread His blessing with a special anointing.
Leading to...
God wants me to give you a special anointing.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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