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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Scene 4: Meet Mary and Joseph
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
Through The Keyhole, Nazareth Edition
Meanwhile, back at the carpenter's shop... Mary and Joseph are having a 'little chat.'
Tum-te-tum-te-tum-te tum...Ooops! Wrong programme
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Narrator
Nativity Play
# 3680
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Posted
Now Mary's had the time to muse
On telling Joseph her great news.
Betrothéd though the couple are
They've never let things go 'too far'.
But if she's going to have a child
I think that he might go quite wild.
Perhaps he'll curse and rage and shout
And throw the lowly maiden out.
Will he be kindly or just mean?
It's nearly time for that dread scene.
But before we get that far
We've got a treat that's most bizarre
The virgin Mary may be late
(We think she's gone out on a date).
So while we wait for her to show
Some DIY from Mary's beau.
An extra treat for us to see
Joseph teaches carpentry
Here's a thing that's most sublime
Joseph shows us his "Tool Time."
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Chapelhead
Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*cheesy d-i-y programme music, probably involving unconvincing synthesiser saxophones...*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Oy! Excuse me!! I know this scene is supposed to be 'Through the Keyhole' but can't a poor virgin have a bit of privacy while she's in the bath? I've had a trying few days just lately, I need to luxuriate in the bubbles without a peeping tom with a camera peering at me through the bathroom keyhole. I will be there when I am ready and not before... after all, if I have to break the news of the twins to Joseph, I want to look my best. You'll just have to carry on without me for a minute or two.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3 enters stage left, smells something interesting and begins to explore stage area.]
Baaaaaaa.
[Comes to door, nudges it open, and surprises BMV in her bath.]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Takes a bow.
Hi there, kids! While we wait for my Blessed wife to get her act together, I'm going to teach you some fun tricks of the trade.
So... errr... let's see now.
Stares into stagelight.
Ummmm...
Turns to prompt.
Err...
I know! Let's make a table! Now, for this, you'll be wanting a 4x4 cubit piece of ply, and some tools. Personally, I prefer the Black & Decker 893-a Buzzsaw, but use your imagination! If you're anything like me, you'll get a buzz out of choosing your own saw!
Canned laughter.
Errr... quite.
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Narrator
Nativity Play
# 3680
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Posted
<Sotto voce>
Not the sheep again. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
Can't Joseph construct a barbecue or something?
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Chapelhead
Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*boom - tish!*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Right. Well, that's the table done. Hope you were all paying attention. Now I've got a letter here from Mrs Jones of Damascus asking how she can go about making a wooden boy. That's an excellent question, Mrs Jones.
First of all, you'll need some sturdy mahogany, like this... then, take your hammer, like so... and start hammering the wood into shape... now, hammer in some nails... uh-huh... uh-huh... there we go.
Now just apply some paint...
And... oh my God... it's moving...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Narrator
Nativity Play
# 3680
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Posted
<Sotto voce>
Combining a buzz-saw with some sheep - now there's an idea.
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Chapelhead
Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Now, moving wooden boys are a problem we carpenters encounter frequently. Personally, I would recommend use of a vice and buzzsaw combo to deal with such an eventuality.
What's that, wooden boy? You wish you were a real boy? How nice. Sadly, we don't have time for that particular scenario on this week's tooltime, so you'll have to make do with experiencing rapid mahogany .
Starts up buzzsaw. Will anyone manage to save Pinocchio before Joseph sheds his sap?
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Stable Cat
Nativity Play
# 3657
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Posted
*stable cat wanders over to bvm in bathtub, leaps onto the edge of the tub, and pats delicatly at a soap bubble*
mrrrrt?
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nicolemrw says "meow!"
Posts: 85 | From: the stable | Registered: Dec 2002
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Narrator
Nativity Play
# 3680
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Posted
<By Jimminy Cricket - He's making Pinocchio>
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Chapelhead
Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002
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Evil Henchman
Nativity Play
# 3705
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Posted
Nah dust the wooden boy.
Can you make me wardrobe to keep my spare set of armour in Joe?
And are you the Middle Eastern equivalent of Bob the Builder?
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I've left my toasting fork with my alternate personality Sarkycow.
Posts: 118 | From: The Guardhouse | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
*edge-of-your-seat strings...*
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Ahem... RAPID MAHOGANY DEATH.
Unless someone intervenes, of course...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3, soothed by the purring of Stable Cat, settles down on a pile of blue stuff, and begins contentedly chewing her cud.]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep
Nativity Play
# 3667
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Posted
Rudolph wanders into Joseph's shop, looks in horrow as he waves a buzz-saw above this wooden boy he's created.
Ruldolph's nose glows, looks up at Joseph sadly.
Rudolph hands Joseph a WWJD bracelet.
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I may be just a purple sheep with a funny nose, but ThatsMrJuice 2U!
Posts: 110 | From: The Sheep Shed | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
WWJD? As in, "What Would Joseph Do?" Hmmm...
Well, that's that particular slot of the show resolved. Don't worry about the screams; they don't really feel anything. Anyway, Mrs Jones, hope that was useful.
Oh, look who it is - it's our old friend Evil Henchman! Nice to see you this week Evil Henchman. A wardrobe, eh? I'll see what I can do.
Slams head into workbench repeatedly, with a mildly frustrated look on face.
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Oh for crying out loud... can't a Virgin have a bath in peace without being invaded by animals?
With a sigh, Mary gives up all hope of a quiet night relaxing after her hectic day and, after a close encounter with a fluffy blue towel with BVM embroidered in the corner, she emerges from the dressing room, dressed in a stunningly simple blue dress, with matching blue teatowel.
Er...Joey....
...sweetheart....
Are you busy, my love?
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Not at all, my dear! Ladies and gentlemen, it's
MY BLESSED VIRGIN WIFE-TO-BE
whom I mistakenly upgraded to full marital status earlier in the show. Take a bow, sugarlump.
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Evil Henchman
Nativity Play
# 3705
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Posted
Hey Joe, you look like you want someone to save the wooden boy. Tough shoot. I'm the only human around, and I'm an evil henchman.
Dust it I say.
[This is a family show, Evil Henchman...]
[ 12. December 2002, 20:48: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
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I've left my toasting fork with my alternate personality Sarkycow.
Posts: 118 | From: The Guardhouse | Registered: Dec 2002
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Narrator
Nativity Play
# 3680
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Posted
<Sotto voce>
Well, the boy's acting less wooden than some we've seen.
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Chapelhead
Posts: 90 | From: Prompt corner | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Smiles sweetly and innocently at Joseph
Hello love.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Smiles in return. Kicks Evil Henchman in the shin and gives him a "meaningful" look.
Hey babe! Wassup?
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep
Nativity Play
# 3667
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Posted
Looks around at chipped pieces of wood on the floor of Joseph's shop. Shakes wood chips off self. Wonders why Joseph got so upset at that curious-looking wood thing. I'm just looking for some food, Rudolph thinks to himself. Seeing none in the shed, Rudolph wanders off, looking to see where the other sheep went.
Baaaaaaaa.
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I may be just a purple sheep with a funny nose, but ThatsMrJuice 2U!
Posts: 110 | From: The Sheep Shed | Registered: Dec 2002
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Dragon
Nativity Play
# 3669
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Posted
front of stage, addressing audience
Now I am going out tonight
Tis rare but yes I sometimes do
So I might miss the best highlight
Before I get to rejoin you
Now things are complex, you can see
She says God made her a mum
He says how can such strange things be
This is not how our babies come
And later they'll sit down with us
And tell us of the whole affair
If Joseph makes a lot of fuss
Could be a DNA test on air
So I'll be back much later then
To find out all that I have missed
And read through all this thread again
And meanwhile I'll go get ...
...socializing with the multi disciplinary team in a setting other than the workplace, thus creating a different and deeper sense of teamship and belonging ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
grins and leaves in little black dress
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come home to a real welsh dragon fire..
Posts: 103 | From: The Stage | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Hi sweetie. Sit down. Put your feet up. You've obviously had a hard day at work, shall I get your slippers? Hmmmm?
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Yeah, that would be good. And get me a scotch on the rocks, too. And the Jerusalem Gazette.
I don't think I can take any more stress today after such a bad Tooltime...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Evil Henchman
Nativity Play
# 3705
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Posted
![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
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I've left my toasting fork with my alternate personality Sarkycow.
Posts: 118 | From: The Guardhouse | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Having been rudely dislodged from the comfy blue towel with monogram, Sheep 3 wanders out of the bathroom and wanders around the stage.]
Baaaa.
*sheep plop*
Baaaaa.
[continues wandering]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Calls after Virgin Mary:
Oh, and dearest, get a shovel too. There's sheep-plop and vomit all over the floor.
[This is still a family show...]
[ 12. December 2002, 20:50: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
OK, there you go, my love...
Sits down near to Jospeh on the sofa centre stage, though with a respectable distance between them as befits a Virgin Most Pure
...smiles
...smiles again
...would smile sheepishly, but thinks that that might be pushing things a bit far....
Er.... Joe?
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Wonders why his Blessed fiancee is taking so blessed long in the blessed kitchen...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Opens eyes
Ah, there you are, dearest. Yes, well, what was all this texting about babies, huh? I nearly lost a finger to my B&Q Electro-Mallet 5000 when I read the first one.
Thank God you were joking! As if you could be pregnant...
{relieved sigh}
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Calls after Virgin Mary:
Oh, and dearest, get a shovel too. There's sheep-plop and vomit all over the floor.
Absolutely typical! He has absolutely no idea, that man. I mean, this is 2002 after all. <shakes head> ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
[ 12. December 2002, 20:51: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Stable Cat
Nativity Play
# 3657
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Posted
*stable cat jumps up onto couch, snuggles next to bvm, curls up, purring*
puuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........
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nicolemrw says "meow!"
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
OK, there you go, my love...
Sits down near to Jospeh on the sofa centre stage, though with a respectable distance between them as befits a Virgin Most Pure
...smiles
...smiles again
...would smile sheepishly, but thinks that that might be pushing things a bit far....
Er.... Joe?
Tch! Some folk just don't want to be helped! When I think what our generation put up with so that you people could claim equality.....
<trails off disconsolately>
[ 12. December 2002, 20:53: Message edited by: Director ]
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Wonders why BVM has gone very quiet indeed, and is chewing her nails furiously.
Is there something you're trying to tell me, dear?
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
![[Embarrassed]](icon_redface.gif)
Er......
glances down at blue dress with "Sponsored by Mothercare" embroidered tastefully on the collar
er.......Would you like me to fetch you some Pringles?
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Musical Director
Nativity Play
# 3651
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Posted
Great idea, strings, lets do the 'Married With Children' theme ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
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ChrisT sez: *sigh* Let's take it once more from the top...
Posts: 284 | From: The Bandstand | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Pringles? Yeah, sure! Hurry up, there's the footie starting on the radio in a minute, and I want no distractions once it's started.
Have you put on weight? You're look a bit fat recently...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Director
Nativity Play
# 3664
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Pringles? Yeah, sure! Hurry up, there's the footie starting on the radio in a minute, and I want no distractions once it's started.
Have you put on weight? You're look a bit fat recently...
Selective deafness, eh? Ho hum!
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Miffy
Posts: 109 | From: Her physiotherapist's couch | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Well...er.....
DO you think you could give the football a miss? Just this once? For me??? There's ...er.. something I need to talk to you about. Sweetie.
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Director:
quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Pringles? Yeah, sure! Hurry up, there's the footie starting on the radio in a minute, and I want no distractions once it's started.
Have you put on weight? You're look a bit fat recently...
Selective deafness, eh? Ho hum!
{stage whisper to side}
Whatcha gonna do about it, feminazi? Huh? Huh? Nothing. Let me tell you why. Because I've got balls, and you don't. That's why.
Makes a vulgar gesture to Director offstage.
Mary sweetest, this is the most important match of the season. And I'd quite like it if you actually got me those Pringles you mentioned. I'm sure your "news" - the neighbours' new cutlery, I imagine - can wait for another night...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3, smelling the Pringles, enters from stage left.]
Baaaaa.
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Joseph
Nativity Play
# 3666
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Posted
Ah, what the hell. If I can't have Pringles, I'll make do with animated kebab.
Here sheepy sheepy... look at my nice stainless-steel skewer... come closer, sheepy sheepy...
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Joseph, the not-so-Jesuitical ex-Lad.
Posts: 177 | From: Palestine | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sheep 3
Nativity Play
# 3663
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Posted
[Sheep 3 finds the Pringles in the kitchen and begins eating them, container and all.]
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jlg the sheep
Posts: 278 | From: lost in a pasture | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Heaves herself to her feet and serenely tiptoes to the curtains stage right, grabs the packet of Pringles out of the Director's hand and takes them back to Joseph
Here you are dearest.
Whispers to sheep Look, there's two bales of hay in it for you if you could just nip over there and nibble through the television cable. Joe must not watch the football tonight!
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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Virgin Mary
Nativity Play
# 3653
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Posted
Look Joseph darling... I really really do have something very important to tell you.
[ 12. December 2002, 21:14: Message edited by: Director ]
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Can you have a white wedding in blue?
(Smudgie)
Posts: 287 | From: Down the road from the carpenter's shop, Nazareth | Registered: Dec 2002
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