|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: Jesus and Moses play golf
|
Simon
Editor
# 1
|
Posted
Joke submitted by Marvin the Martian:
Jesus and Moses are bored stiff in heaven. "Hey Moses," says Jesus, "why don't we disguise ourselves, go down to earth and have a round of golf?"
Moses agrees, and after donning appropriate clothes and renting equipment they arrive at the first tee.
They flip a coin and Moses wins the honour. He takes a mighty swing and the ball sails 300 metres right down the middle of the fairway. "Nice shot," says Jesus grudgingly.
Jesus tees up his ball, takes a mighty swing and hooks the ball onto the side of a hill less than 100 metres away. A squirrel spots the ball, picks it up in his mouth and runs off. A snake curled up on the rock striikes out at the squirrel and swallows it whole, ball and all. Just then an eagle spots the snake, swoops down and carries it off in its talons. Just as the eagle flies over the first green, lightning flashes from the sky and hits the eagle, which drops the snake. The snake regurgitates the squirrel on contact with the ground, whereupon the squirrel drops the ball which rolls five metres across the green and into the hole.
Moses turns to Jesus and says, "Are we going to play golf, or just screw around?"
[ 07. July 2005, 00:03: Message edited by: Simon ]
Poll information
This poll contains 2 question(s). 93 user(s) have voted.
You can't view the results of this poll without voting.
| |
--------------------
Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
|
Posted
Maybe I'd find it funnier if I played golf.
--------------------
When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
|
Posted
Yes. It's got all the constituents of a joke all right but somehow it just isn't funny.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Anselm
Shipmate
# 4499
|
Posted
Why Moses? I was waiting for the parting of the water hazard...
Posts: 2544 | From: The Scriptorium | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
PerkyEars
slightly distracted
# 9577
|
Posted
Theres a funnier version of that where Jesus, Moses and God are playing, God does the miraculous shot, and Moses says "I hate playing with your Dad". Or something like that.
Posts: 532 | From: Bristol | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselm:
Why Moses? I was waiting for the parting of the water hazard...
That's on a later hole ![[Biased]](wink.gif) .
--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
|
Posted
Actually this has been one of the funnest of the lot for me. I guess I just get a charge out of thinking how a couple of miracle workers would play a game of Extreme Golf.
--------------------
"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
serena
Apprentice
# 7649
|
Posted
Least funny version of that joke I've heard, I'm afraid.
--------------------
S
xXx
Posts: 6 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
|
IconiumBound
Shipmate
# 754
|
Posted
I think you blew the line. It should have been "Are you going to play golf or mess around with miracles?"
Posts: 1318 | From: Philadelphia, PA, USA | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by IconiumBound:
I think you blew the line. It should have been "Are you going to play golf or mess around with miracles?"
Perhaps, but I've always preferred jokes that don't spell everything out like that.
The fact that Moses says Jesus is screwing around clearly shows that He was responsible for the sequence of events. Does it really need to be spelled out like that?
Or did you just have a problem with the word "screw"?
--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
|
Posted
For me, the joke works well because you've got this big build up of miraculous events, one after another, culminating in the squirrel dropping the ball in just the right place, and it running along into the hole.
Most peoples' response would be awe: "Wow. Jesus is amazing. He can do anything."
Instead, Moses gets pissed off with him for mucking around! He treats Jesus performing the miracles like you would a kid performing tricks with the ball, while you were trying to play football together "Very nice. Now, are we gonna play, or are you gonna piss around?"
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I think it's hilarious. Jesus does the biz, and Moses tells him to quit mucking around!
--------------------
“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
da_musicman
Shipmate
# 1018
|
Posted
Seems to be missing a final punchline. Would be infintely better with something added on the end like..
"And then they got off the bus."
But then I'm starnge like that.
Posts: 3202 | From: The Dreaming | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
superhancpetram
Apprentice
# 8842
|
Posted
As Anselm said, there ought to be a water hazard in there somewhere:
quote:
Jesus, Moses, and an elderly gentleman were playing golf.
Moses steps up to the tee, swings - and drives his ball right into the water hazard.
"Not to worry" says Moses, and he raises his club, parts the water, walks onto the dry bed of the water hazard, and hits his ball onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee, swings, and hits the ball onto the water.
"No problem for me, either" says Jesus, and he walks out onto the water, calls the ball to the surface, swings, and chips the ball six inches from the hole.
The elderly gentleman steps up to the tee, takes a horrible swing, and hits the ball right towards the water.
"Oh, tough luck" says Moses.
The elderly gentleman doesn't say a word, because right then his ball hits a turtle, bounces in the air, is caught up by a bird, which drops it into the tree; a squirrel pushes it out of the tree, it bounces on the ground and an eagle swoops down, picks it up, and drops it into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus says, "Come on dad, are you going to mess around or play golf?"
--------------------
Communism is Soviet Power plus the electrification of the whole country. -- Lenin
Posts: 3 | From: Knox Vegas, TN, Bible Belt, USA | Registered: Dec 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Carys
Ship's Celticist
# 78
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by superhancpetram:
As Anselm said, there ought to be a water hazard in there somewhere:
quote:
Jesus, Moses, and an elderly gentleman were playing golf.
Moses steps up to the tee, swings - and drives his ball right into the water hazard.
"Not to worry" says Moses, and he raises his club, parts the water, walks onto the dry bed of the water hazard, and hits his ball onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee, swings, and hits the ball onto the water.
"No problem for me, either" says Jesus, and he walks out onto the water, calls the ball to the surface, swings, and chips the ball six inches from the hole.
The elderly gentleman steps up to the tee, takes a horrible swing, and hits the ball right towards the water.
"Oh, tough luck" says Moses.
The elderly gentleman doesn't say a word, because right then his ball hits a turtle, bounces in the air, is caught up by a bird, which drops it into the tree; a squirrel pushes it out of the tree, it bounces on the ground and an eagle swoops down, picks it up, and drops it into the hole for a hole-in-one.
Jesus says, "Come on dad, are you going to mess around or play golf?"
Now that works much better than the original! I think because Moses and Jesus have 'messed' around but in a more minor way Jesus' comment is funnier as it's as though the eldery gentleman has taken it too far. The fact that it's Jesus' comment who tells us who the eldery gent is too helps I think. Also, maybe the three person structure helps. I don't know why but these story jokes seem to be threes.
Carys
--------------------
O Lord, you have searched me and know me
You know when I sit and when I rise
Posts: 6896 | From: Bryste mwy na thebyg | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
|
Posted
I like your version better!
--------------------
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
showaddy
Shipmate
# 9282
|
Posted
The punchline when I heard this, which I still like best, was:
Moses said "Come on, its only a game"
Posts: 61 | From: Macclesfield | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Duo Seraphim*
Sea lawyer
# 3251
|
Posted
Let's keep discussion to the joke in hand, h'mm? If you want to submit a joke, then click here. Otherwise, you'll make Pyx_e cry.
Duo Seraphim, Laugh Judgment Host
--------------------
2^8, eight bits to a byte
Posts: 3967 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
|
Printer-friendly view
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
