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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Hitler at the Pearly Gates
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
Joke submitted by Dragonlady:
Hitler walks up to the Pearly Gates and says to St Peter, "I'd like to come in."
St Peter: "Not likely!"
Hitler: I've repented and I've given back all the gold and treasures that I stole from the Jews, and I'm really sorry."
At that point, Jesus walks up and asks what's going on.
St Peter: "It's Hitler here, he wants to come in."
Jesus: "Bugger off!"
Hitler: "No, it's true! To prove it, I've got a six foot solid gold cross I can't find the owner of. I could give that to you."
Now Jesus was partial to crosses, so he went to see God.
Jesus: "Hey Dad, I've got Hitler outside and he wants to come in now he's repented."
God: "Tell him to get lost!"
Jesus: "But Dad, he's given back all the gold that he stole from the Jews - except for a six foot, solid gold cross he can't find the owner for. He says I can have it."
God: "And what do you want with a solid gold cross? You couldn't even carry a fuckin' wooden one!"
[ 07. July 2005, 00:03: Message edited by: Simon ]
Poll information
This poll contains 2 question(s). 148 user(s) have voted.
You can't view the results of this poll without voting.
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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Demas*
Shipmate
# 7147
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Posted
Confusing - seems like it is the result of a weird merging of two unrelated jokes.
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Hamburger (note beetroot, pineapple, bacon and egg)
Posts: 543 | Registered: May 2004
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
A tad confusing as Demas said, and I find the reference to the Cross a bit offensive.
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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HenryT
Canadian Anglican
# 3722
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Posted
Basically not funny.
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"Perhaps an invincible attachment to the dearest rights of man may, in these refined, enlightened days, be deemed old-fashioned" P. Henry, 1788
Posts: 7231 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2002
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MaryFL
Shipmate
# 7482
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Posted
The board ate my post... ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
Anyway, I haven't found many offensive jokes so far, but this is one of them. For me, it was poking fun at the cross that made it offensive.
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God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them.
Posts: 947 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jun 2004
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neandergirl
Opposing the thumb
# 8916
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Posted
I didn't find the humour in it and I found the idea that Jesus could be swayed by a 'gift'like a cheap maitre'd ... well... cheap.
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Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. Hebrews 13:5 NIV
We come from love, we return to love, and all around is love.
Lord, ease our burdens, give us peace and enable us to do your work. Tree Bee
Posts: 2579 | From: 21218 | Registered: Dec 2004
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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638
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Posted
I wasn't particularly offended by it.
It seemed rather pythonesque to begin with, and I let out a few giggles during the build-up, but the punchline was a bit of a let down after that, having nothing at all to do with the build-up. I agree that it seems like an odd blend of two jokes, either of which may be extremely funny on its own, but not as a hybrid.
[must learn to type]
[ 06. July 2005, 05:07: Message edited by: Back-to-Front ]
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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis
Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004
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frin
Drinking coffee for Jesus
# 9
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Posted
I was wondering if anyone else performs an automatic mental disassociation between Jesus in art/ comedy/ literature and Jesus himself. I think I do this every time I come across Jesus in a joke, in a musical (Jerry Springer the Opera) or a cartoon (South Park), a mystery play or a medieval poem in which Jesus tries to guilt us out about his wounds.
As soon as that kicks in I seem to look at the thing differently, and measure it on its own rhetoric and internal logic and not how it measures up to my understanding of the divine nature.
Anyone else?
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"Even the crocodile looks after her young" - Lamentations 4, remembering Erin.
Posts: 4496 | From: a library | Registered: Apr 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Yes frin, you've described it well.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638
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Posted
Same here, which is why I perhaps have difficulty being offended by these things.
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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis
Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
I don't care what anyone else says, I thought this was hilarious ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif) .
Mostly because the punchline caught me completely off guard...
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Russ
Old salt
# 120
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Posted
When I first heard this one (many years ago) what Hitler was offering was an Iron Cross, i.e. a medal, and the f-word was absent from the punchline.
This version isn't an improvement.
Russ
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Wish everyone well; the enemy is not people, the enemy is wrong ideas
Posts: 3169 | From: rural Ireland | Registered: May 2001
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Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
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Posted
I'm interested that Ian Climacus and MaryFL felt the joke was not appropriate because of the reference to 'the cross'. As the joke, so far as I can see, was 'poking fun', not at the cross, but at Christ's inability to carry his cross, I'm surprized that neither poster found that more offensive.
Or is 'the cross' a kind of peculiar shorthand-speak for Christ's passion, so in fact what is being found offensive here is a dig at Christ's suffering rather than the inanimate, and unfeeling bits of wood it happened on? Now I can understand that, to a certain degree, though I don't find the joke offensive, myself.
[ 06. July 2005, 14:07: Message edited by: Anselmina ]
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Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
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MaryFL
Shipmate
# 7482
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Posted
quote:
Anselmina said
Or is 'the cross' a kind of peculiar shorthand-speak for Christ's passion, so in fact what is being found offensive here is a dig at Christ's suffering rather than the inanimate, and unfeeling bits of wood it happened on?
I think you hit the nail on the head here (no pun intended). To me, the cross is synonymous with Christ's passion, and poking fun at that made it offensive. (speaking only for myself here)
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God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them.
Posts: 947 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jun 2004
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Goodric
Shipmate
# 8001
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Posted
As you probably will guess I have a very broad sense of humour and find most things tolerable...
Out of all the jokes here this is the only one I gave a 5 to in offensive category. This is the only joke here that gives me the gut reaction of making me want to smack someone in the teeth. For me, I think, it is because it ridicules and devalues Jesus and his passion - probably the most sacred and central thing to my life.
I don't get the Hitler connection either - just doesn't connect.
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Happy Christmas Everyone You can find me here
Gone to a better place.
Posts: 7160 | From: You all know anyway | Registered: Jul 2004
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Tree Bee
Ship's tiller girl
# 4033
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Posted
Seriously unfunny.
Seems to be going out of its way to be offensive on every level.
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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com
Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003
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Last Dog Watch
Apprentice
# 9637
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Posted
Fell flat as far as I am concerned. Just not funny.
I also thought it offensive: it doesn't deal with religious paraphernalia or denominational squabbles, but a central issue of faith.
Forty years in purgatory for the original poster.
![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
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one - two - three - eight
Posts: 15 | From: Davy Jones Locker | Registered: Jun 2005
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
Punchline was startling, but not funny. I guess I don't get a big kick out of "totally out of character" as the drawing card for a joke. I just thought it was dumb.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
I'm not offended--can't take this seriously enough to find it offensive. But I don't find this at all funny because I don't get it. Maybe there's a joke here somewhere, but if there is I'm totally missing it.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
Well I have to say I found this hilarious. Wasn't expecting it the punchline. Very much like the faux-brutal aspect of God himself trivialising the crucifixion. Also the suggestion that Jesus is so superficial as to be swayed by the promise of jewellery by someone as heinous as Hitler.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
lol gave this some more thought while I went out over a late lunch ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif) and while I initially thought it inoffensive, I've changed my mind in respect that I think it would be offensive to Jewish ppl. I would also not be comfortable re-telling this joke because it treats the genocide too lightly... as if restitution of property would fix it all up... maybe that is part of the joke. I dunno, I always avoided genocide jokes as a rule and even though it is peripheral here, it has still spoiled it.
Am trying to think what it would need to not be offensive to me yet retain its character... played with 'Dude in charge of the sacking of Constaninople giving back the holy treasures' instead of Hitler. Ow! Nup. That didn't work either.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
[ETA: I suppose the 2nd rumination gave me an in culture glimpse of why it could be offensive: i.e. about some things feelings run so deep for some ppl that they can never appreciate them being made light of]
[ 07. July 2005, 09:41: Message edited by: The Coot ]
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
I agree with those who see this as a combination of unrelated jokes - I read it over several times, and still cannot see what is supposed to be funny. That Hitler could 'buy off' Jesus with a gold cross?
I, too, heard the 'Iron Cross' version years ago (though I think details differed - I do not recall a reference to the Jews, which is highly offensive... one cannot help but know the least he took from them was gold...) I did not find that funny, either.
To date, this is the only joke on this board that I find genuinely offensive.
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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Long-Johns Silver
Apprentice
# 1763
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Posted
Not funny at all just a poor attempt at being blatently offensive. All hangs on God swearing, insulting Jesus, mockery of the crucifixion - just pick all the boringly tired offensive ingredients you can find, stir well, hope the result works.....
sorry it didn't....
![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
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"Smile", they said "it could be worse".
So I did...
And it was.
Posts: 49 | From: "The Church" - Church Inn that is :-) | Registered: Nov 2001
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Papio
Ship's baboon
# 4201
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I'm not offended--can't take this seriously enough to find it offensive. But I don't find this at all funny because I don't get it. Maybe there's a joke here somewhere, but if there is I'm totally missing it.
Well, yeah.
A bloke who was wipped, beaten up, probably starved, tripped over carrying the cross he was about to be nailed to.
If the joke is attempting to portray Jesus as a wimp, then it does not succeed.
I can understand how loving your enemies could be construed as wimpish, but not tripping under the weight of the cross.
Completely and utterly unfunny.
and I give it a 3 for offence. Oddly, poking fun at the Passion still offends me to some extent.
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My "Readit, Swapit" page
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Posts: 12176 | From: a zoo in England. | Registered: Mar 2003
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Disturbed_Kiwi
Apprentice
# 7563
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Posted
I found this to be brilliant.
All that build up about Hitler isn't important. It's a rug being carefully laid under your feet so that the final punchline (which has no relevance to Hitler) can soc you from the side.
I can see how people might find it offensive to call attention to the fact that Jesus couldn't carry his cross. But to me it was just an over the top joke.
Posts: 16 | From: New Zealand | Registered: Jun 2004
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Curious George
Apprentice
# 10415
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Posted
I think the joke was based on Simon carrying Christs cross for him...
I thought it was funny....
Posts: 1 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Thurible
Shipmate
# 3206
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Posted
I didn't find it funny in the slightest, and found it very offensive (I think I gave it 4 for offence). Mocking the Passion really is going too far - to do so in conjunction with Hitler and the Holocaust adds to the offence.
Thurible
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"I've been baptised not lobotomised."
Posts: 8049 | Registered: Aug 2002
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-lucy-
Shipmate
# 10465
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Posted
Well, well, well, I found that quite offensive (think I gave it a 4) considering what Jesus did for us. We have absolutely no room to mock him for it!
[ 17. October 2005, 16:01: Message edited by: _-_-_lucy_-_-_ ]
Posts: 592 | From: East Yorkshire | Registered: Sep 2005
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