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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Dating
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
I fucking hate it. It turns my life upside down and it keeps encouraging me to turn my life upside down by offering all sorts of adventures and excitement. And then I come back home to piles of ironing and a fridge without enough food in it and the milk's going off and I missed garbage night.
Yes yes, I'm totally lining up to get my butt kicked. Have at it. I'm a total idiot who got what he wanted and now can't handle it.
Any questions?
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Tortuf
Ship's fisherman
# 3784
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Posted
I remember dating. I was terrible at it. To the best of my knowledge, I have never been anywhere near to handsome, so it always surprised me when anyone said "yes."
Dating sucks. I feel for you bro.
Posts: 6963 | From: The Venice of the South | Registered: Dec 2002
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Yes yes, I'm totally lining up to get my butt kicked. Have at it. I'm a total idiot who got what he wanted and now can't handle it.
Yeah, the "cry me a fucking river" contingent should be here shortly. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
They tell you, when you enter a twelve step program you should give it a year before you date again. My year is up. Meh.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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RooK
1 of 6
# 1852
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Posted
I'm guessing that most people who frequent these boards aren't super-successful at dating. Call it a hunch.
Posts: 15274 | From: Portland, Oregon, USA, Earth | Registered: Nov 2001
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I'm guessing that most people who frequent these boards aren't super-successful at dating. Call it a hunch.
ABANDON SHIP!
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Loosen your corsets a tad, dearie. Find a 24 hour grocer and chuck some Domestos over the bin.
There'll be time to dust the chiffonier and knit jam jar covers later on. Years and years and years of it.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Mary LA
Shipmate
# 17040
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Posted
You missed garbage night?
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“I often wonder if we were all characters in one of God's dreams.”
― Muriel Spark
Posts: 499 | From: Africa | Registered: Apr 2012
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Good call, Pissy.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
RooK: I'm guessing that most people who frequent these boards aren't super-successful at dating. Call it a hunch.
Speak for yourself ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I'm guessing that most people who frequent these boards aren't super-successful at dating. Call it a hunch.
I'm in. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
Loosen your corsets a tad, dearie. Find a 24 hour grocer and chuck some Domestos over the bin.
There'll be time to dust the chiffonier and knit jam jar covers later on. Years and years and years of it.
Domestos over the entire house more like. And yes, there'll be lots of years to do the dusting, after he dumps me the first time he sees the absolute pigsty that is my residence. Sigh. I have enough trouble maintaining it when I've not really got anything objectively better to do, never mind when there is CLEARLY something better to do.
I'm not remotely a perfectionist in this area. But you haven't seen my house. Parts of the floor haven't been sighted since 2006.
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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the long ranger
Shipmate
# 17109
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
I fucking hate it. It turns my life upside down and it keeps encouraging me to turn my life upside down by offering all sorts of adventures and excitement. And then I come back home to piles of ironing and a fridge without enough food in it and the milk's going off and I missed garbage night.
Any questions?
I'm sorry to inform you that once in a long-term relationship things are no different - well, except that you don't even get the excitement of going out on dates.
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"..into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth,” “But Rabbi, how can this happen for those who have no teeth?”
"..If some have no teeth, then teeth will be provided.”
Posts: 1310 | Registered: May 2012
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
I hated the teenage years, should have found one ready packed from the Male Order Catalogue, instead of all that trial and error. Breathed a sigh of relief when Mr. Right turned up and could settle down. Dating was far too much change and upheaval, too much for an Anglican chorister to take. (I found him in the choir stalls, btw.)
Tip for the houseworkilly challenged - hire a cleaner. Preferably a young and sexy one. Then you solve both probs. in one go.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
quote:
Tip for the houseworkilly challenged - hire a cleaner. Preferably a young and sexy one. Then you solve both probs. in one go.
Shagging the help, happy days.
AtB, Pyx_e
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
I never know with dating whether it's better to put yourself about and try or to leave it and follow the wisdom that the guy will turn up when you are least expecting it.
The good thing about dating was there were so many dinner party stories. God knows what dinner party stories I provided.
How do you go about getting a cleaner?
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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the long ranger
Shipmate
# 17109
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
How do you go about getting a cleaner?
1, Get Married
2. Become it.
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"..into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth,” “But Rabbi, how can this happen for those who have no teeth?”
"..If some have no teeth, then teeth will be provided.”
Posts: 1310 | Registered: May 2012
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orfeo
Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by the long ranger:
I'm sorry to inform you that once in a long-term relationship things are no different - well, except that you don't even get the excitement of going out on dates.
Well at least that cuts out the commuting.
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Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.
Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008
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Mad Cat
Shipmate
# 9104
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Posted
It's a lesson in humility (for me). I'm acutely aware of my ridiculousness, clumsiness and lack of charity.
However, it sometimes helps me to realise I have something to offer.
Not sure what that something is, right enough.
And I got some funny stories out if it, one of which went in a friend's novel.
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Weird and sweary.
Posts: 1844 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2005
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by the long ranger:
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
How do you go about getting a cleaner?
1, Get Married
Be a nurse, be a cook
Be a drudge, be a whore -
Or you can get married
And be all four.
OTOH, if his is a passion that can be extinguished by a little light domestic squalor... Keep 'em distracted with food, wine and sex (it worked for me).
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Beenster
Shipmate
# 242
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
OTOH, if his is a passion that can be extinguished by a little light domestic squalor... Keep 'em distracted with food, wine and sex (it worked for me).
Food, wine and sex - yup I can offer that. Screw the cleaning, so to speak.
Posts: 1885 | Registered: May 2001
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
Beenster: Food, wine and sex - yup I can offer that.
This kind of profile would probably work on an online dating site.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
Domestos over the entire house more like. And yes, there'll be lots of years to do the dusting, after he dumps me the first time he sees the absolute pigsty that is my residence. Sigh. I have enough trouble maintaining it when I've not really got anything objectively better to do, never mind when there is CLEARLY something better to do.
Dating is NOT your problem - cleaning is!
Get a cleaner in for a one-off binge (£200 should do it) Then consult fly lady.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
'Come to my place and see something really dirty' could clearly be a multiple use phrase for Orfeo.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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the long ranger
Shipmate
# 17109
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Posted
You could kill two birds with one stone - ask them to come on a date to a house-cleaning party.
Might work..
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"..into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth,” “But Rabbi, how can this happen for those who have no teeth?”
"..If some have no teeth, then teeth will be provided.”
Posts: 1310 | Registered: May 2012
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
1) Find someone with a fetish for cleaning equipment.
2) Invite them round to indulge said fetish
3) Pretend the filth is only there to enable step (2)
4) Shag like bunnies on heat
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Tortuf
Ship's fisherman
# 3784
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Posted
True story.
A redneck friend of mine had moved down to Atlanta from West Virginia. One day he went over to his girlfriend's apartment unannounced. When he walked into the bathroom to see what was causing noise he came across a man dressed in a seductive French Maid's outfit, on his hands and knees, scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush.
It seems this guy (married, successful, with a wife and kids) had a little fetish for dressing like a French Maid and cleaning. My friend's GF knew about this and "let" him come over to clean anytime he felt like it.
Hearing my friend tell me about it in his very West Virginia accent had me laughing so hard I was crying.
Posts: 6963 | From: The Venice of the South | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66
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Posted
The gentleman I date is both a neat-nik and has someone who comes in and cleans weekly. I just stopped having him over to my place. We used to alternate. But now it's "his place or he doesn't get any."
I actually understand exactly what orfeo is talking about. I have this fantasy that say Thursday night would be a great night to clean the place - have it all ready for the weekend - but it never happens.
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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...
Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Sine Nomine
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I'm guessing that most people who frequent these boards aren't super-successful at dating. Call it a hunch.
You're not supposed to tell the truth when you're management.
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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...
Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002
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the long ranger
Shipmate
# 17109
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Posted
If anyone in the South of England has a cleaning fetish, my house is always available.
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"..into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth,” “But Rabbi, how can this happen for those who have no teeth?”
"..If some have no teeth, then teeth will be provided.”
Posts: 1310 | Registered: May 2012
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
"Garbage night"? Sounds like a rubbish way of spending an evening.
If you want to ask someone back, remember everything looks better in candlelight. (Alternatively, you could just clean the place.)
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
quote:
Originally posted by the long ranger:
quote:
Originally posted by Beenster:
How do you go about getting a cleaner?
1, Get Married
Be a nurse, be a cook
Be a drudge, be a whore -
Or you can get married
And be all four.
OTOH, if his is a passion that can be extinguished by a little light domestic squalor... Keep 'em distracted with food, wine and sex (it worked for me).
Fuckin a.
You two must have been born in the 1800's.
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by the long ranger:
If anyone in the South of England has a cleaning fetish, my house is always available.
Your theology is in greater need.
AtB, Pyx_e
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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the long ranger
Shipmate
# 17109
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Your theology is in greater need.
AtB, Pyx_e
My theology is quite fine where it is, thanks all the same. Just because I reject all the mumbo-jumbo you put out does not make mine 'in need'.
Dickhead.
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"..into the outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth,” “But Rabbi, how can this happen for those who have no teeth?”
"..If some have no teeth, then teeth will be provided.”
Posts: 1310 | Registered: May 2012
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
One of the unsung joys of marriage - never missing garbage night.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Liberty
ship's football fanatic
# 713
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Posted
Marriage = when you do miss garbage night it is super exciting!
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"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt, undoubtedly"
Posts: 1879 | From: SW2 to 20009 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Tortuf:
I remember dating. I was terrible at it. To the best of my knowledge, I have never been anywhere near to handsome, so it always surprised me when anyone said "yes."
Back in the day I was considered quite good looking. I can say that now becuase Father Time is currently using my picture in his stand-up routine.
If I had, had a date with Tortuf ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif) I would have spent the whole evening thinking, "I can't believe I'm on a date with a lawyer! OMG, what if he finds out how stupid I am?!" So I would have spent the entire time smiling and blinking and being boring enough to make a cat cry.
Some psycholgist or another said that there are six people in every couple: Who he thinks he is, who she thinks he is, who he actually is and vice versa. We probably should spend our dates looking for the two real people if it's not too disheartening.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Sine Nomine
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66
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Posted
You know…I got a text last night from the BF saying what an exceptionally nice time he had with me Saturday and Sunday and I'm thinking "So, what were you expecting? We've been doing this pretty much every weekend for five years now." It was the slight element of surprise I found annoying.
No. Dating is not easy and more and more these days it seems like I'd rather just hang out with my friends on Saturday night. All those other middle-aged (or older) folks who are also-rans in the relationship race.
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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...
Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Word on the street round here is that the best cleaner is the principal boy in the village pantomime. I make no further comment. Except to say that she is far too busy to have time for you lot.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
You know…I got a text last night from the BF saying what an exceptionally nice time he had with me Saturday and Sunday and I'm thinking "So, what were you expecting? We've been doing this pretty much every weekend for five years now." It was the slight element of surprise I found annoying.
No. Dating is not easy and more and more these days it seems like I'd rather just hang out with my friends on Saturday night. All those other middle-aged (or older) folks who are also-rans in the relationship race.
I think he was getting a whiff of your ennui and wanted to let you know (awkwardly but sincerely) that he was still quite into you. If you really still like him, you might want to find a way to do the same. Or you could drop him and go hang with your middle-aged also-rans.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Sine Nomine
Ship's backstabbing bastard
# 66
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
you could drop him and go hang with your middle-aged also-rans.
That's certainly the low stress option. (Of course it's also the low orgasm option, other than..er..self-inflicted, as one might say.)
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Precious, Precious, Sweet, Sweet Daddy...
Posts: 16639 | From: lat. 36.24/lon. 86.84 | Registered: Dec 2002
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Mockingale
Shipmate
# 16599
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Posted
Dating, like democracy, is the worst system we have except for all the other alternatives. Eventually I found one that reminded me of most of my mother's good qualities and few of her bad ones, and put a ring on her finger. In a few months we can stop worrying about adventure and displays of plumage and start bickering about choices of breakfast cereal. ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
Posts: 679 | From: Connectilando | Registered: Aug 2011
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art dunce
Shipmate
# 9258
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:
Eventually I found one that reminded me of most of my mother's good qualities and few of her bad ones, and put a ring on her finger.
Paging Dr. Freud
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Ego is not your amigo.
Posts: 1283 | From: in the studio | Registered: Apr 2005
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Mockingale
Shipmate
# 16599
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by art dunce:
quote:
Originally posted by Mockingale:
Eventually I found one that reminded me of most of my mother's good qualities and few of her bad ones, and put a ring on her finger.
Paging Dr. Freud
Sometimes a cigar isn't.
Posts: 679 | From: Connectilando | Registered: Aug 2011
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Twilight
Puddleglum's sister
# 2832
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Posted
Everybody marries people who remind them of their mother, even women. She was the first person who really liked us. Maybe the only one.
Posts: 6817 | Registered: May 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
I'm still puzzling over what you do with garbage that takes up a whole evening.
(And is it what you have you local neighbourhood fetishist round to clean up the next day?)
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
Originally posted by Liberty:
quote:
Marriage = when you do miss garbage night it is super exciting!
Of course, if you forget it is garbage night, and only remember early the following morning when you hear the rumble of the truck approaching, you get to run out and chase after the bin men in your PJs - one the few opportunities the respectably married get to chase after strange men in their nightwear.
Just sayin....
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992
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Posted
Dating sucks. More so if you're a gay man - men are such bastards. These days I'm hoping for an arranged marriage. Now all I need is someone to arrange it.
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"What is broken, repair with gold."
Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
More so if you're a gay man
AHA!
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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JonahMan
Shipmate
# 12126
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Posted
I get the impression that the only sort of dating going on around here is Carbon dating.
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Thank God for the aged
And old age itself, and illness and the grave
For when you're old, or ill and particularly in the coffin
It's no trouble to behave
Posts: 914 | From: Planet Zog | Registered: Dec 2006
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