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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Sharknado!
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
This cinematic masterpiece is working the basic premise of an a certain genre - which is Creature + Catastrophic Event = Lots of Screaming and Things Blowing Up.
E.g. you have dinosaur + nuclear test = Godzilla.
Clearly a seam to be mined here. So, you are invited to suggest either a creature or a happening. The next poster supplies the missing element of the pair and gives a brief pitch for the resulting movie.
I give you: Waspquake!
An earthquake disrupts the navigational field of wasps. A maddened swarm attacks Ascot (particularly good scene where the Royal Box is flattened by stampeding racehorses and HMQ disappears under flailing hooves and a writhing black-and-yellow blanket).
Next: A chemical spill
[ 11. July 2013, 06:27: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Teenage Mutant Hero Newts
... in which Civilization is Saved from the consequences of a huge lake of toxic waste threatening Central London by a band of mutant newts who are able to swim in the stuff without dissolving...
The real mutant newts live in the lake at the Fire Service College , btw.
Next: A meteor strike
[ 11. July 2013, 08:44: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
Mete-claws!
Scientists investigating a meteor impact discover that it's really a space ship carrying giant lobsters from outerspace come to devour all life on earth ...
And, moving from things from space to things from the deep ... giant squid!
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076
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Posted
Squid-nami
Giant squid are being stirred up by the greater than usual numbers of tsunami and are turning hostile in ways never before. These usually gentle beasts have always been brilliant for studying, so up and coming young scientist Joe Schmo knows that this is his chance to make it and be respected. His beautiful female senior coworker who rarely wears many clothes mocks him when he proposes to go underwater and live in a seafloor lab to study the squid, but by sheer brilliance he manages to get funding to do it. Only, his coworker must come with him to supervise in a state of undress. Suddenly all the machines sense that a tsunami of record proportions is coming. There is no time to head to the surface. Brave Joe, his coworker, and the rest of the team will have to manage the turbulent squid infested waters on their own... WIll Joe sacrifice himself heroically or will he manage to show his masculinity and achieve implied mastery over his coworker so that she falls into his bed, awed by the size of his large abilities?
groundhog
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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.
Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006
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The Midge
Shipmate
# 2398
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Posted
Bore-dom on the Carriage Way
A giant pig rampages round the middle lane of the M25 creating the traffic equivalent of a cardiac arrest to Britain's capital city. The citizens fret in 30 mile traffic jams. The hog is finally defeated when the residents of Woldingham hold a mega pig roast at the village fete.
This should get the Mail readers going:
European Takeover
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Some days you are the fly.
On other days you are the windscreen.
Posts: 1085 | Registered: Feb 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Escargot!
The British are compelled to eat snails instead of wholesome stuff like tripe and black pudding and onion bhadjis.
Next: hedgehogs
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
Some quality films in this spirit described for your inspiration ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
Hedge-road-hog!
Hedgehogs get angry at their species being so regularly and regardlessly squished on roads, so band together and break into a Monster Truck show, making off with all the monster trucks, and wreaking terrifying havoc on users of the highways.
Butterflies
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Butter-cane
An experiment to enhance the intelligence of butterflies backfires when one of them reads of The Butterfly Effect. Seeking revenge for centuries of their brethren being pinned to displays, the super-intelligent butterflies subtly flap their wings to cause chaos with the weather patterns, whipping up hurricanes from half the world away. Can our team of plucky scientists find the secret butterfly lair before civilisation is swept off the land?
Now off you go with paramecium.
[ 12. July 2013, 01:16: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Midge:
... the residents of Woldingham hold a mega pig roast ...
![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif) ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Sorry - back to the game ...
Lord of the Butter-flies Continuing the European theme, the Butter Mountain (does that still exist?) is decimated by dairy-addicted giant insects, causing Eurocrats to scratch their heads and (horror!) curtail their three-hour lunch-breaks.
Next: cats
eta: Sorry - double-post with Lilbuddha. Take your pick ...
[ 12. July 2013, 01:16: Message edited by: piglet ]
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894
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Posted
Cat-astrophe!
In this Michael Bay-directed epic, the felines of the world decide to rise up, unite, and enact their plots to kill you. Once again, the White House gets destroyed, this time by a horde of rampaging housecats and an escaped cheetah from the National Zoo, intent on finishing off what the British started 200 years earlier. In the climactic battle scene, the Catarmada sheds all over the assembled human army, triggering a lethal allergy attack that somehow ends up launching every nuclear missile ever (look, it's complicated, okay?). The final scene is of the Catlord and her assembled pride mewing loudly, sitting atop the heaped bones of humanity in a fish market.
Snakeheads
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“Therefore, let it be explained that nowhere are the proprieties quite so strictly enforced as in men’s colleges that invite young women guests, especially over-night visitors in the fraternity houses.” Emily Post, 1937.
Posts: 6849 | From: The People's Republic of Balcones | Registered: Jan 2006
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Snakeheads is guaranteed to have you on the edge of your seat, and would probably have you under it if you weren't so frightened (or hysterical with laughter) by what you just saw.
It tells the story of a young man bitten by a venomous creature while on holiday in the Far East, who undergoes a personality change and then comes back with a supply of the venom to recruit others to his newly developed serpent cult. The ultimate aim of the devotees is to become living serpents, and in doing so become one with the Serpent God (the young man is a current avatar and world domination is a given). When the frenzy grips them, they turn into were-snakes.
Cue terrible scenes where cult members slither up drainpipes in the middle of the night to embrace innocent people in their coils and bite them, the ensuing ghastly transformations, and the writhing celebrations in the snake pits.
This is all resolved in the sequel.
Next: a runaway train.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
Paramecium Express!
An obsessed scientist studies the lives and loves of paramecia (if that is the plural). He loads a tanker car full of them and hitches it to a train. Unfortunately, this particularly tanker car had just been used to carry nuclear waste to a secret disposal site (Cleveland). It had not been adequately cleaned before the paramecia were put in. The radiation mutates them to glowing, deadly paramecia. Just as this is discovered, the train raches the top of a high hill...and one of the mutant paramecium that has fallen on the coupling melts through it, causing the train cars to hurtle downward toward an unsuspecting town.
Next, the most horrible event conceivable: a political convention.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Og, King of Bashan
Ship's giant Amorite
# 9562
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Posted
A Thousand Points of Death
In an effort to win electoral votes, an unspecified party holds its convention in Florida during hurricane season. As the storm approaches, the coast guard sees something horrible: giant mutant sea urchins with legs, killing anything on their way.
Two ways to go with this one. If you want to do well in the blue states, have it be the Republican convention, and have the administrative state come to the rescue. If you want to do well in red states, have it be the Democratic convention. When the administrative state fails to solve the problem, they have no choice but to turn to some good old boys with guns and a little country know-how. Or film both versions, release them according to local taste, and make a bundle.
Orangutans
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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy
Posts: 3259 | From: Denver, Colorado, USA | Registered: May 2005
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Ranga!
Normally peaceable, ruminative creatures, they have finally had it up to here with wildlife documentarists. Seizing the cameras they discover, with a bit of prodding, what they do. The rise of orangeutan cinema triggers an evolutionary leap. They were always the smartest of the apes - but just didn't see the point of venturing out on a lion-infested savannah when you could hang in a tree and eat a mango with your feet. They now assume their rightful place as the dominant species and humans are sent back to poking anthills with twigs.
A rise of 6 feet in sea levels. Ranga Rule Ranga!
[ 12. July 2013, 20:48: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
In Which They Sink. Apocalyptic drama set in 22nd century London, as the sea inexorably rises, the Thames Barrier breaks down, and the city is flooded, with people desperately swarming up the Shard to get away from the oncoming waves. Lots of drama as the leading actor, a helicopter pilot, tries to rescue his love interest, who is sitting on the dome of St Paul's, but accidentally knocks her into the now shark-infested waters of the Thames.
Gerbils
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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The Midge
Shipmate
# 2398
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Posted
Gerbils (James Herbert before he was famous)
Giant mutant gerbils escape a lab. Only this wasn't as successful as Rats because they were vegetarian and the 1984 famine was far more harrowing.
Ashes (The)
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Some days you are the fly.
On other days you are the windscreen.
Posts: 1085 | Registered: Feb 2002
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Sealed up since 1882 the small urn contains not the ashes of a cricket bail, but a deadly virus - Victorianism. Accidentally knocked over during the post series party, it smashes, releasing an airborne contagion which, within days, spreads a miasma of beards and morality through the entire capital. All TV, films and advertising are banned as lewd and people go back to looking at magic lantern slides of Weymouth of an evening. Contains graphic scenes of courtesy and decency.
Jellyfish
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Jeppocolypse
A militant jellyfish reads an article in a discarded paper regarding the change of name from jellyfish to jellies. It is furious that either makes them seen rather pathetic. So it sends the signal to Attack All Humans! Using the current patterns created by Global Warming, the jellyfish drift towards the coasts to wreak havoc! Watch the humans scream in terror as they are forced to slowly walk from the water as the jellies drift in.
Ladybird beetle
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Ladybird Beetle begins in an attic where two children discover their father's childhood early reading books. Unfortunately, touching the pages brings the spirit of the books to life, and the children soon discover that as the spirit of the ladybird spreads from the attic throughout the house, all the books, newspapers and printed material take on a startling similarity. It isn't long before the contagion spreads to the outside world, pictures on the walls turn into cheery smiling representations of children in old-fashioned clothing, and people speak in short, simple sentences.
The children decide to leave this new world as it is.
Tsunami
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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The Midge
Shipmate
# 2398
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Posted
The Long Ride Home
Walt Disney Made this when they were trying to tap into the cool youth market. 3 Orphaned surfer dogs are washed from California to Virginia on said giant wave and have to make their way back again. It was a soggy doggy belly flop.
Postmen/ Mailmen
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Some days you are the fly.
On other days you are the windscreen.
Posts: 1085 | Registered: Feb 2002
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
(sees the cliché and steps carefully round it)
Pigeon Post
In the future, there will be no computers.
Fortunately, a mad genius has just invented the perfect substitute for emails - the intelligent carrier pigeon. Unfortunately an even madder villain is out to Stop The Pigeon(s) by any means possible...
The next major release will feature at least one Duckbill Platypus
[ 13. July 2013, 20:43: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
The next major release will feature at least one Duckbill Platypus
Just the one, but it has serious identity issues. Should it go for the duck or the puss side? Some nasty Dr Moreau-like experiments later, a dreadful 50 ft high cat with webbed paws and a tendency to quack devastates Sydney Opera House before being shot with an atomic cannon*.
Volcanic ash
*worked on The Mysterions
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
Pyroclam!
A giant version of the common clam has been genetically engineered to live on land, why not. Unfortunately, it's spiced genes also give it the power to generate defensive clouds of ash instead of ink, because fuck logic this is SyFy.
The clam escapes and becomes a menace, luring bikini-clad (natch) spring breakers to their death through such elaborate schemes as burying itself under the road then opening its sinister shell to swallow the screaming and succulent students whole (a subplot where the authorities put these deaths down to an outbreak of sinkholes ends when the governor's husband is killed in front of her. Also, alliteration kicks ass).
The solution to this problem is clear - bomb the brutal bivalve before it breeds! But the ashy camouflage of the cunning clam brings the planes crashing down in a spectacular display of terrible CGI! Whatever can our remaining heroes do now? Eventually the day is saved by the Last Girl Standing who does something involving a smoke grenade and some eyeliner, because there's literally nothing I can think of here that would be sillier than the basic premise of this terribly flawed yet unsettlingly watchable movie. All is won, the menace is no more.
As the credits roll, we see a small rat being incredibly surprised to be slowly sucked down into a hole that wasn't there a second before, followed by the unmistakable sound of a clam feasting (note to the SFX guys - what does a feasting clam sound like again?). The End?
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A lightning storm
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Flash Gay Gordon
In which a Scottish kilt-wearer, playing his pipes on top of lonely Rannoch Moor, just happens to be the highest object when a freak thunderstorm hits, leaving his kilt in tatters, his sporran distantly flung into Loch Lomond and his bagpipes melded to the rear carriage of the last train to Glasgow. His ghostly form can be seen and heard whenever there is a full moon at midnight over the windswept moor.
murder at the mine
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076
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Posted
When bodies are found at the mine with tooth marks, everyone expects that sinister Jeff D has been letting his dogs loose again. The only question is whether it's an accident or not. After all, it's a small town and many people remember the way Mrs. D's father passed away shortly after saying she'd never marry Jeff while he was alive. He too was a miner and he too was killed by dogs. Besides, no one's seen Mrs. D in a few weeks, what IS going on in the D house?
Rob C. has never liked Jeff much either, but the dashing lad could never let a man stand accused without defending him. No one expected much from his investigation, but he's right now that they mention it, those don't look like dog teeth. Soon everyone will realize it's moles they must fear. You may have thought they only threatened your lawn, but now they're coming for you. Who is making the moles attack
As the climax builds, an angry crowd brings torches to Jeff D's house. Rob bravely stands in the doorway, but two men hold him and the rest march on. Only Jeff D quickly proves to be past any revenge of theirs when they find him a victim of mole attacks too. He dies as they enter only living long enough to mutter that "she used earthworms" and "still love her anyway."
An oil spill to dwarf any we've seen yet
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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.
Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006
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Lietuvos Sv. Kazimieras
Shipmate
# 11274
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Posted
Oilmaggedon: A new offshore oil well is being drilled from a platform in the North Sea. It releases a gusher of unimaginable and unstoppable proportions. The oil pours onto surrounding shores of Britain and the European Continent, where inevitably it catches fire after initially engulfing thousands of victims - both human and animal -in its gooey slick. We see herds of cattle and sheep engulfed in oil slick, as well as humans living along the eastern shores of Scotland and England. Then the stuff is ignited by various otherwise innocuous and controlled fires and electrical appliances. All of Britain is engulfed in a flaming, apocolyptic conflagration. Flash to the cities of Europe on fire. First we see Calais, then flash to Paris. As the unstoppable oil makes its way around the globe, we see all of Iceland burning, then New York. You get the picture... The end of days.
Mice
Posts: 7328 | From: Delaware | Registered: Apr 2006
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
GNAWS!
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the pantry, it's attack of the great white mouse! Escaped (of course) from a laboratory, the genetically enhanced rodent leads a furry, squeaking carpet of doom, who chew their way through every wire, cable, flex and slow-moving cat they come across. Deprived of heat, light and communication, humans resort to foraging for food. But the mice have got there first.
Bindweed
[ 19. July 2013, 16:54: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Morning Glorious, Night Deadliest
A experiment combining plant and animal DNA goes wrong and the intelligent plants go on a rampage. The bindweed (Morning Glory Family) lures humans in with their lovely flowers then binds and strangles them. Whilst the deadly nightshade poisons them in their sleep. Even the triffids quake in fear.
Crane Fly
[ 19. July 2013, 18:28: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Daddy-Long-Legs
In which an orphanage in rural New York State is menaced by a plague of giant crane flies. Although they are not aggressive their habit of shedding legs the size of telegraph poles at inopportune moments causes widespread property damage and considerable inconvenience as all air traffic on the East Coast of America is grounded. Three days after their first appearance, they all mysteriously die for no obvious reason.
The closing scenes show the survivors holding a celebration on the lawn in front of the orphanage which is rudely interrupted by the appearance of a plague of giant leatherjackets... and they DO eat people.
Next up: we haven't had a film about a hurricane for a while...
(do I get extra points for including a book link?)
[ 24. July 2013, 15:25: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Hurricane Cane-the End of the World
A mighty storm flings itself off the west coast of Africa. Carried in the African dust are minute hormones of an undetermined nature.
The storm goes through the predictable process of becoming a low pressure system, then a named tropical storm, then Hurricane Frank(enstein) blows up to a category five before hitting the east coast of south Florida.
Frank goes west, and inundates the sugarcane fields where the farmers have been desperately trying to eradicate the Turnip Moths which have been proliferating there.
The mysterious minute hormones drench the larvae of the moths (which are cutworms) causing them to grow thousands of times their original size in the matter of hours. Miraculous, isn't it?
The cutworms destroy all the sugarcane fields then ooze their ways to Miami. The world breathes a sigh of relief, since the larvae are cutting down whole towns in search of their sweet canes.
Scientists fly in from all over the world to try to stop the giant creatures. They are stymied and the east coast of Florida is about to be cut and eaten when the worms solve the problems themselves by turning into moths.
The moths fly away...ready to lay eggs throughout the world.
flamingo
[forgot to add my movie ingredient]
[ 24. July 2013, 15:59: Message edited by: jedijudy ]
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Flaminquake!
An evil mastermind biologist and social scientist conspires to create a world-wide Flamenco contest to coincide with the mating dance of flamingoes. The resulting oscillations threaten to shake the world apart.
Selkie
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
[tangent] I was at a talk by a Holiday Rep once in which she enthusiastically attempted to sell us the delights of an evening of flamingo dancing[/tangent]
The Seventh Seal
Scottish folklore is true - seals are transmogrified people. And dumping our waste in their world has finally got them terminally annoyed. They swim up rivers and outfalls and colonise the lakes, reservoirs and sewers. Anyone incautiously standing near a canal or pond or even a grating finds a sleek head suddenly bob up by their ankle before they are dragged down to the watery depths. Soon, even going into a bathroom is fraught with peril. Thirsty, unwashed and frankly desperate, land people perish leaving the shores once again to the Selkies.
Fungi
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076
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Posted
Humongous
Three mycology grad students are reminded that one of the largest creatures in the world is a giant fungus. They decide to take one of their vacations to travel to Oregon and camp with it. Besides, one of the guys (student1) is particularly hoping that a fungal vacation will make the female grad student(2) want to date him or at least sleep with him.
While there they realize the fungus is much smarter than we thought and it is very very fed up with what humans are doing to the environment.* This becomes particularly relevant while student1 finally has a chance at romancing student2. Except then their tent is suddenly swallowed by the fungal ground. They barely get out. To make it worse, it turns out that student3 thought that student2 had come on this trip to romance him. The budding romance leaves him out for revenge and it quickly becomes unclear who is more dangerous, crazy mycologist 3 or the fungus itself. A generally mediocre film mostly noted for the number of times that someone finds an excuse to mention "humongous fungus among us." Still, it is worth seeing as a drinking game.
*Nevermind that humans are no harm to this fungus. There are many other plot holes, some of them larger.
pterodactyls
[ 25. July 2013, 14:08: Message edited by: Gwai ]
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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.
Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
Pterror
A terrifying and heart-warming blend of "The Birds" and "Fly Away Home." Global warming thaws out a clutch of pterodactyl eggs in Greenland. They hatch, and finding themselves in need of sustenance, wander southwest and polish off Halifax. An Air Force general (Nicholas Cage) has a plan to exterminate them, but a ecologist (Brad Pitt), decides to save them by leading them to an uninhabited island in the South Atlantic in an ultralite plane. Of course, he has to evade the F-16s that are hunting the beasts, all the while never being sure they aren't going to eat him...
shih-tzus (OK, it's a softball...)
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif) I'd pay good money to see Pterror. And it makes as much sense as any of the other films on offer... more than some. <tangent> Were you thinking of whooping crane migration , by any chance ? <\tangent>
Meanwhile, the latest offering from Perfecto-Zizzbaum is showing at a cinema near you!
Shih-tchoo! They said the next pandemic would be bird flu. Or swine flu. Or Ebola. They were all wrong.
Yes, the latest threat to the survival of the human race is small, furry and cute. And deadly. The H1ST1 virus is spread by canine-to-human contact and has a 90% mortality rate. It's only a matter of time before it combines with regular human flu and starts spreading human-to-human, and then Civilization is Doomed (again). Cue heartrending scenes of dying children, distraught dog owners trying to save their pets from slaughter and perspiring microbiologists racing against time to find a vaccine...
Starring Sandra Bullock as the dog warden charged with the thankless task of rounding up and killing cute fluffy animals, Johnny Depp as the mad scientist and Will Smith as the father of the children who have just been given a shih-tzu puppy for Christmas.
[ 30. July 2013, 22:17: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
That's pretty good--I was imagining "Shih-Tzunami," but yours works. I too had cast Sandra Bullock as the animal control officer (USA equivalent), which is interesting.
You need to propose the next creature.
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Oopsie.
Next, humanity is menaced by the humble sea cucumber...
[ 31. July 2013, 11:51: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
"The Cuke From 20,000 Fathoms"
(No offense, but this is a Japanese film, dubbed over with English which has nothing to do with the lip movements of the actors)
A team of newspaper-guys, plus their cute, perky secretary (female, of course) are sent to the Bikini Atoll to check out the radiation situation, resulting from A-bomb tests many years ago. They land their little plane on the pristine uninhabited island's beach, and get right to work. They hook up the complicated-looking Geiger counter, and wave the sensor around, while the Sec takes copious notes. No clicks are heard. Unbeknownst to them though, several wires were mixed up, and instead of clicking a mile a minute, indicating the true high high high radiation level, it mistakenly registers nothing.
Hang on, I'm getting to the Cuke.
They decide to go for a swim in the clear, sparkling lagoon, and enjoy themselves. Luckily, Ms. Sec wore her skimpy bathing suit under her modest business suit. They splash about, laughing and playing, and swim out to deeper water. There is a disturbance in the sand under their feet, and they panic and try to reach the shore. To their horror, an enormous fluorescent flashing gooey slippery Sea Cucumber engulfs them in its pseudo arms, and melts them with its atomic powered horrible mouth.
Thus nourished, the Cuke lumbers slowly up onto the beach heading for the plane. Somehow it squashes itself inside and starts fiddling with the controls. The propeller kicks in, and as the Cuke looks over a world map, points a sluggish finger to Tokyo, and takes to the air.
[ 31. July 2013, 15:12: Message edited by: Pearl B4 Swine ]
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
I forgot to write my 'edit'. Try Yeti
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
The Abominable Snowman
It is Christmas Eve. Indoors, all is light and warmth and soft-focus twinkly tree ornaments. Meanwhile, outside, in the gathering dusk, the children's snowman stands abandoned. Then a chunk of snow falls off: underneath is black fur and claws. Slowly it lumbers towards the lighted windows of the isolated cottage.
(After this striking opening sequence there is some incoherent stuff about lamas and a forbidden talisman and Tibetan exploration which explains a Yeti turning up in the Home Counties, then it's back to blood and screaming).
Blocked sink
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
It Came From Beyond The Plughole
For centuries, humanity has been scrutinised... studied... weighed in the balance and found to be... tasty.
Deep in the recesses of your plumbing lurks the Sludge Monster, composed of millions - nay, billions - of microscopic organisms that have developed a hive mind in the ferment of the sewer. Attracted by the smell of decaying kitchen waste, it extrudes a limb into the heroine's sink, thus betraying its existence to humans when the plumber summoned to deal with the blockage is seized and dragged screaming into the pipework, leaving only his sink-plunger behind.
Hasty investigation by a number of red-shirted extras reveals that the Sludge Monster has spread throughout the sewage system. No household plumbing is safe (the scene where someone is dragged down the toilet is particularly horrifying). Bullets simply go through it; bombs splash it around and help it to spread. The leader of the Army squad called in to deal with the grey smelly menace says that an infestation of crocodiles in the sewers would be easier to deal with.
Civilization is eventually saved by accident; the hero rescues a small girl, who drops her lollipop as she is snatched to safety. The monster greedily devours it and dies instantly; sugar is poisonous to it. Cue scenes of triumphant humans pouring corn syrup into the sewers, thus simultaneously defeating the Sludge Monster and providing a useful moral tale on the evils of sugar consumption.
Next: a hitherto undiscovered Comet
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
Finally, a good use for Hi-Fructose Corn Syrup !
Great story, Jane. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076
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Posted
When a comet passes overhead as a meteor lands dramatically near a small town in Alaska, the locals expect NASA or someone to be interested. Since the meteor broke the only highway into town, they rather expect the state Department of Transportation to be interested too. However, apparently this comet did not appear on the radar. No one knows it is there. Still, they are Alaskans and tough, so they aren't about to fall apart and squeal about a new piece of rock. The ants crawl over the rock fragment, the locals walk past it, and nothing changes. <Camera pans over these things, with rather creepy lighting>
LIttle Jessie is brave, and just because she's short and only 7, doesn't mean any boys are going to tell her what to do. When her older brother and his friends dare her to pick up ants and hold them, she's determined. She goes off to the funny rock and scoops up some nearby ants <Cue X-files movielike scene of sudden jump to upclose view of an ant except altered with longer mandibles, etc. to look more threatening than usual. "WE ARE COMING FOR YOU"> When Jessie fllings away the ants before the time is over and runs away screaming, her bratty brother and his two friends mock her mercilessly and say she's a wuss and a little freak. They go to get some ants to put in her bed. The gore in the ensuing scene might be enough to get the movie an R rating all by itself.
The comet overhead is revealed to be an alien ship, and the meteor that is altering the ants is just the first attempt at an attack. Of course, when a few members of the town figure this out and call to various officials in Anchorage, they are mocked mercilessly. There is a scene of Sarah Palin as senator gently mocking the foolish locals for thinking aliens are coming to get them. A few other officials are much more blatant. The mayor of the little town is embarrassed to have listened to such things, and tells the police not to waste their time on such problems.
The first grizzly to be affected by the meteor is a bit of a bigger issue than the ants with threats of doom. Cue locals with guns blazing and a scene where little Jessie barely escapes but multiple other people don't.
Finally, little Jessie persuades the mayor to co-operate in a denouement where she ends up almost slapping him with the grizzly's hacked-off paw. She points to a broken and then re-sharpened claw and says that if the grizzly had the intelligence to do that, it will not take very many animals at all to over-run the town. The town unifies to blow the comet to smithereens fighting off multiple animals who are enraged and made intelligent by their contact with the meteor.
Still, the last scene makes it clear that there will be a next time...
gorillas
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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.
Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
Gorillas on the Piss
A film made mostly for the title, a band of gorillas escapes while in transit from one zoo to another in an essex town on a friday night. They are intrigued by what they see around them and join the humans around them in getting utterly hammered, painting themselves orange, throwing up in the streets, fighting and staggering off to the nearest forest with a kebab only when all the pubs have closed.
The next morning, feeling like hell, utterly mortified by their behaviour, they decide never to do that again and catch a bus to the zoo.
The studio fails to secure funding for any more films.
socks
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
The Island of Lost Socks
In every laundry room there is a portal to a black hole < cue sinister, spacey electronic music> Suddenly, one of a pair of innocent socks is swept into the nothingness and terror of transmigration. cue turbulent, dissonant music, crescendoing> When the sock plops out the nether end of the black hole, into a migrant camp of lost socks, moans, whimpers and shreiks are heard. Yes, they are lost for ever. Never ever to return to their beloved mate, never to feel the insertion of a foot again. Pitiful.
Not suitable for youngsters
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
o, sorry. Squirrels
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Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
NUTZ!
It's a rat! That can climb! And they're rabid. But a special, filmic type of rabies that makes them triple in size and have really red eyes and yellow teeth. There's a particularly good scene early on where an innocent moppet in a park offers a cupcake to a furry critter, only to have her hand chewed and turn into a foaming zombie. Also a good bit where an embattled group of soldiers is attempting to fight off an aerial attack - lots of squirrels exploding mid-air - before it turns out they are coming in at ankle level as well. In the end, it looks as if humans have won - but they forget that squirrels hibernate..
Buttercup
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
Cow Pie Inc
Buttercups, irradiated by escaped nuclear power, are no longer simply poisonous to cows; they turn them into mutant rumanoids whose four stomachs can only be satisfied by a diet of posy printed fabrics. Boutiques, supermarkets and M&S are ravaged by stampeding herds of these giants (did I mention that the mutation turns them into beasts the size of elephants?). Young girls are ravished of their summer wardrobes, and the resulting naked excess sends the male population into sensuous meltdown. Al-kaida to the rescue! A female SAS equivalent in all-covering burkas which conceal their weaponry, infiltrates the bovine stronghold. The resulting conflagration leads naturally to a grand barbeque, solving the problem of world hunger, except in India. Natch.
Icicles
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Dick the Shepherd
Notorious 70s horror-porn flick in which rampant priapic snowmen terrorise a medieval village. The sequence where greasy Joan doth keel the pot was cut for UK distribution.
Rhubarb
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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