Source: (consider it)
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Thread: The Music of Hell
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Have you ever thought of what music will be played in Hell to make your suffering even worse? Perhaps it is time you did as you will be spending a long time there gazing up across that unbridgeable at God and I sitting on our clouds listening to Heavenly Harpists.
My first nomination is an endless loop of McCartney's - just mentioning his name gives endless possibilities - execrable Dull of Kintyre.
-------------------- I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. Fancy a break in South India? Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Bagpipes - playing with Amazing Grace or Mull of Kintyre
-------------------- Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Kitten
Shipmate
# 1179
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Posted
Dreary hymns from the 18th & 19th centuries
-------------------- Maius intra qua extra
Never accept a ride from a stranger, unless they are in a big blue box
Posts: 2330 | From: Carmarthenshire | Registered: Aug 2001
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Kitten: Dreary hymns from the 18th & 19th centuries
Dreary worship songs from the 20th & 21st centuries
(I'll stop now - this isn't another H2C2 thread)
-------------------- "He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
There would be a 23 hour programme of virtually non-stop music. It would include bagpipes, heavy metal, country & western, reggae, the sort of pop music where there's just one line repeated over and over until it fades out, and anything with a very thumpy, dominant bass line.
John Lennon's "Imagine" and his duets with Yoko would be also up there with a whole lot of cello concertos and someone screaming "Sanna Claus is comin' ter towwwwwnnn".
(Actually, Hell would be John & Yoko screaming a version of "Sanna Claus is comin’ ter towwwwwnnn" accompanied by cellos with a deep bass rhythm, backed by bagpipes and repeated on a loop.)
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Elvis singing Old Shep seems an obvious one to add to the list - actually Elvis singing anything at all!
-------------------- I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. Fancy a break in South India? Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider: They'll contract it out to Capital FM.
If you want to nominate cr@p music stations then Classic FM, aka Carsick FM, must be a long way up (or down) the list. Is it just me or do they play Barber's bloody Adagio every hour?
It's the lack of imagination that drives me nuts. Thank God for BBC radio.
-------------------- "He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76
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Posted
I wouldn't know; I only listen to music on the radio first thing when Absolute comes on because I can't face the gloom of the Radio 4 News and Today programme before my first coffee of the day. From then on it's R4 as there are few radio stations whose music output I can abide and none of them are listenable to (or in some cases available) without DAB which I don't have in the car.
-------------------- Might as well ask the bloody cat.
Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001
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Pearl B4 Swine
Ship's Oyster-Shucker
# 11451
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Posted
RAP "sung" by "Rap Artists"; anything with an automated rhythm track
-------------------- Oinkster
"I do a good job and I know how to do this stuff" D. Trump (speaking of the POTUS job)
Posts: 3622 | From: The Keystone State | Registered: May 2006
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moron
Shipmate
# 206
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Posted
Anything by Rush.
It's not just the barely sufferable lyrics... the voice HAS to be Satan incarnate.
Posts: 4236 | From: Bentonville | Registered: May 2001
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
The Smurf song. Anything "sung" by Pinky and Perky. Do they know its Christmas. When a child is born, especially sung by Johnny Matthis. Bind us together, Lord. Anything sung by either Max Bygraves, Frankie Vaughan or Des O'Connor.
-------------------- Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Gosh - where to begin? Any country & western; anything by Elvis; anything by the Smiths; any hymns that have been messed about with by the Politically Correct brigade; any Edith Piaf.
I mostly agree with the anti-bagpipe brigade, but with two exceptions
(a) outdoors, playing Scotland the Brave or Highland Cathedral (but not Flower of Scotland), and
(b) playing Mull of Kintyre; for reasons I really can't explain, I quite liked it. **runs for cover** [ 10. September 2013, 13:16: Message edited by: piglet ]
-------------------- I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander. alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sioni Sais: Is it just me or do they play Barber's bloody Adagio every hour?
No, it's either the theme from Star Wars or Fanfare for the Common Man, thanks for reminding me I can't stand either of these (to the point where I leap to turn the radio off). I do like Classic FM otherwise though.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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WearyPilgrim
Shipmate
# 14593
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by L'organist: Bagpipes - playing with Amazing Grace or Mull of Kintyre
Heart and Soul: the song that everyone who can't play the piano knows how to play on the piano.
Amazing Grace: the hymn that everyone who can't play the bagpipes knows how to play on the bagpipes.
Posts: 383 | From: Sedgwick, Maine USA | Registered: Feb 2009
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Photo Geek
Shipmate
# 9757
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Posted
Anything even remotely "country".
-------------------- "Liberal Christian" is not an oxymoron.
Posts: 242 | From: Southern Ohio, US | Registered: Jul 2005
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Arch Anglo Catholic
Shipmate
# 15181
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Posted
Justin Bieber and One Direction, alternating, on a perpetual loop of horror and vileness.
Oh heavens, I feel queasy just thinking about it!
Posts: 144 | From: Shropshire | Registered: Sep 2009
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Ravel's Boléro. Going on and on, over and over.
So, no plans to go to Hell...but maybe I'll visit the harps with WW. Most of my time will be at the organ consoles in Heaven, though!
-------------------- Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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bib
Shipmate
# 13074
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Posted
Yodelled country style rap worship songs - my idea of ultimate nightmares!
-------------------- "My Lord, my Life, my Way, my End, accept the praise I bring"
Posts: 1307 | From: Australia | Registered: Oct 2007
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Aggie
Ship's cat
# 4385
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Posted
Too many to mention!! Dubstep or anything of that same genre, hip-hop, rap, anything by pappy poppy "manufactured" boy bands (and girl bands!), Jennifer Rush singing "The Power of Love". Worst of all, the Christmas songs CD that many shops have playing every day between the middle of November until 25th December, I am sure you know the one I mean, it has on it: When a Child is Born, Simply having a wonderful Christmas time; Santa Claus is coming to town; John and Yoko singing a dreary anti-war song and one that goes "Bells are ringing out for Christmas ..." [ 10. September 2013, 14:35: Message edited by: Aggie ]
-------------------- “I see his blood upon the rose And in the stars the glory of his eyes, His body gleams amid eternal snows, His tears fall from the skies.” (Joseph Mary Plunkett 1887-1917)
Posts: 581 | From: A crazy, crazy world | Registered: Apr 2003
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Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992
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Posted
quote: Justin Bieber and One Direction, alternating, on ...
quote: ... Bagpipes
-------------------- "What is broken, repair with gold."
Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003
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Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710
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Posted
The Barney song.
Posts: 972 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
It's kind of interesting thinking of tacky Christmas songs broadcast all over Hell. "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer", among the top ten, I would think.
Maybe Christmas lasts all year, in that case!
-------------------- Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Welease Woderwick: Have you ever thought of what music will be played in Hell to make your suffering even worse?
When I worked in a music store I thought about this many times -- it had to be Enya.
I also agree with many that others have mentioned, but not rap. That's hell, but it isn't music.
-------------------- "...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe." ~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346
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Posted
Crazy Frog.
-------------------- 'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka
Posts: 1887 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
It'll be Karaoke Nite at the Slug and Lettuce in West Bromwich. For ever.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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ken
Ship's Roundhead
# 2460
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Posted
That depressing old sentimental egotist crybaby Schubert. Get over it already.
Though that might not be so bad because it would be hard to stay awake fort long periods of repetitive tinkle-tinkle supposedly sensitively artistic piano-fondling.
-------------------- Ken
L’amor che move il sole e l’altre stelle.
Posts: 39579 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2002
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by Sioni Sais: ... Is it just me or do they play Barber's bloody Adagio every hour? ...
No - they alternate it with the slow movement from Mozart's Clarinet Concerto and the slow movements of every symphony they've got on CD.
Classic FM - home of the world's slowest music
Having said that, I think Classic in general has been a Good Thing, in that it introduced a lot of people to classical music who otherwise wouldn't have heard it.
-------------------- I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander. alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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pererin
Shipmate
# 16956
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by piglet: No - they alternate it with the slow movement from Mozart's Clarinet Concerto and the slow movements of every symphony they've got on CD.
Classic FM - home of the world's slowest music
And the bloody theme music from the Harry bloody Potter movies.
-------------------- "They go to and fro in the evening, they grin like a dog, and run about through the city." (Psalm 59.6)
Posts: 446 | From: Llantrisant | Registered: Feb 2012
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Endless bloody Mozart!
I love the operas but most of his instrumental music is repetitive pap!
-------------------- I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way. Fancy a break in South India? Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
The slow movement from Max Bruch's violin concerto - yes, it is beautiful, but it is forever associated in my mind with Jennifer Archer going through yet another crisis
-------------------- Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Enoch
Shipmate
# 14322
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by leo: The sort of pap they play when they 'put you on hold' when you telephone utilities companies.
Well said. Eternity's going to last a long time, and you know your call is not important to them.
I'd add anything by Bob Dylan.
I was also going to say the Christmas song which goes 'let it snow, let it snow, let it snow', but perhaps one might want to be reminded of the cold.
-------------------- Brexit wrexit - Sir Graham Watson
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah . I don't care who is droning through it, it has to be one of the most over-recorded, over-hyped, repetitive and depressing songs ever written. Any artist who wants to record yet another cover version should be lashed to a chair and made to watch Barney's Big Movie Adventure on a continuous loop for 24 hours.
-------------------- Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
It'll be 'Last Night of the Proms' Every Single Day!
-------------------- Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Have you noticed, by the way, how many "Last Night ..." events are held around the country without having had a first night (or, indeed, any other concerts) previously?
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Og, King of Bashan
Ship's giant Amorite
# 9562
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Posted
When I was going to the orthodontist once a month as a teenager, I ended up listening to a lot of the easy listening station while sitting in the chair. Late era Chicago, Starship, REO Speedwagon, really brutal stuff. All while having my braces slowly tightened.
Throw in "Imagine" every hour at the top of the hour and a few of the worst modern Christmas songs ("Last Christmas," "So this is Christmas," "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time,") and I think you get a pretty accurate soundtrack.
(And you people seriously need to educate yourselves about rap and hip hop. There has been a lot of commercial crap put out, but there is also some seriously good stuff out there.)
-------------------- "I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy
Posts: 3259 | From: Denver, Colorado, USA | Registered: May 2005
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Barefoot Friar
Ship's Shoeless Brother
# 13100
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Posted
I kind of doubt that Satan will play anything by the Gaithers or any "Jesus is my boyfriend" music, even for the purposes of torture. But we're still left with Elvis and boy bands, which are pretty horrible.
I was told that rock music would send you to hell. If that's the case, and if that's what Satan plays, then I'm going to be pretty happy. Just no Black Sabbath, please.
-------------------- Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. -- Desmond Tutu
Posts: 1621 | From: Warrior Mountains | Registered: Oct 2007
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St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504
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Posted
How about unfinished music - you know, the sort of thing you get as "holding" music. Chose a well known classical piece, start it playing and cut it off halfway. You are waiting for the next phrase, it has gone back to the beginning again.
-------------------- "I say - are you a matelot?" "Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here" From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)
Posts: 3333 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by pererin: And the bloody theme music from the Harry bloody Potter movies.
I actually really like that. They just hardly ever play it when I'm listening.
Anyway, whatever else they play in Hell, it will be punctuated by mobile phone ringtones and it will be that infernal bloody whistling one that seems so prevalent just at the moment.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
'Greensleves' played by bells, and no ice cream van in sight.
-------------------- Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Ice cream vans only have two tunes. The other one is the Teddy Bears' Picnic.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
The mental image this thread conjures is many lawns being got off of.
-------------------- I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Elevator muzak with miss-tuned soprano saxophones all played by cloned demons looking like Ozzy Osbourne and Kenny G had mated. And the percussion is whips.
-------------------- Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety. \_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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Mere Nick
Shipmate
# 11827
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Posted
An endless Ray Conniff tribute to James Brown. Heaven would have James Brown.
-------------------- "Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed. The preacher's done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting's my reward." Delmar O'Donnell
Posts: 2797 | From: West Carolina | Registered: Sep 2006
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Schroedinger's cat
Ship's cool cat
# 64
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Posted
OK, I agree with most of these. My own contribution would be anything by Bruno Mars. He could sing it himself, as I am sure he will be there, for the offenses against music he has perpetrated.
Just for variation, you could have Classics on 45. Repeatedly. That should be enough to torture everyone, whatever their musical taste.
-------------------- Blog Music for your enjoyment Lord may all my hard times be healing times take out this broken heart and renew my mind.
Posts: 18859 | From: At the bottom of a deep dark well. | Registered: May 2001
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Catrine
Shipmate
# 9811
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Posted
Anything on panpipes- least relaxing music ever.
Posts: 2614 | From: Midlands | Registered: Jul 2005
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I can't believe so many people don't like the bagpipes! We had the village pipe band in our wee parish church last March, Psalm 139 to "Highland Cathedral." It felt like total immersion in the music; it was all-encompassing within the church. I honestly thought "This is what Heaven will sound like."
I think Hell would sound like one of those "on hold" telephone tunes on a short loop - 2 minutes of something classical, then "Thank you for holding" and the same 2 minutes of music again. And again. And again.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Garasu
Shipmate
# 17152
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Posted
quote: Originally posted by North East Quine: I can't believe so many people don't like the bagpipes!
Bagpipes are fine. Provided they're played on a hilltop a long way away.
-------------------- "Could I believe in the doctrine without believing in the deity?". - Modesitt, L. E., Jr., 1943- Imager.
Posts: 889 | From: Surrey Heath (England) | Registered: Jun 2012
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
"Horse With No Name."
Sung by a children's choir with accordion accompaniment.
-------------------- When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion. - C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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