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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: I have a brother
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basso
Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228
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Posted
That's not right. I have two brothers.
One of them I knew about; he's been around since I was eight. The other I knew nothing about.
I turned on my email last week to see a message from my sister (who hardly ever writes). The subject line was ¨Our half brother¨.
<blink> <blink>
He's 9 years older than me, and got the courts to unseal his adoption records. He found Mom's obituary online, and tracked my sister down.
I have no reason to doubt him. In fact, I'm completely unsurprised. Mom was 30 when I was born, and it's been a long time since I believed that she spent all those years being a good little Catholic girl. (Also, I'm quite sure that she was pregnant with me when she married my father.)
I told a friend of mine about this today, and she just said ¨what great news!¨ Thank God for friends like that. She's right, it is great news. I haven't talked with him yet (my sister will pass on the contact information when she's good and ready, or I'll look him up myself. [She deserves her own spot on the difficult relatives thread.])
Has anyone else been looked up like this? Or looked up a birth family? I'd love to hear your stories. I'll probably have some of my own to tell.
Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
I was 22 when I was told by my parents that Dad had been married before and had a daughter by that marriage. It wasn't altogether a surprise, and there had always been an atmosphere of secrecy and an elephant in the room. These situations were definitely embarassing and Not Good for RCs in the '50s! Dad was also trying to protect Mum, who had been pregnant when they married. Within three months his divorce came through, they married and my elder sister was born. I've met my half sister once ( when I was 40) and one of my nephews once. Sadly, there's no creating the relationship which might have been, especially as she lives in NZ.
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Holy crap! Exciting news!
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
I have seen this situation from two angles: one from a cousin who discovered, after the death of his father, that he had an older brother who had been taken to the USA by his mother. He phoned my cousin around 1970 looking for information of my Uncle's family that might cause him trouble if it came out while he was (I think) running for Congress. Despite my cousin's entreaty that they meet, that was the only contact ever made.
My eldest nephew, Canadian born of West Indian parents, searched for his birth parents when he was in his twenties. His mother didn't remember birthing him and refused contact. He keeps in sporadic touch with a biological full brother, but not any of his half siblings (There were 8 more, most given up for adoption)
If your half brother wants contact, I am glad and happy for both of you. Make the most of it. But it might fade or disappear as time goes on, because of different upbringings, and lack of common interests.
But if it works, and you guys click, then ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif) for the latter scenario!
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Eutychus
From the edge
# 3081
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Posted
I have it on very good advice that the definitive documentary on this kind of thing is Closure. I haven't yet seen it, but I'm also advised you should stock up on Kleenex before watching.
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Let's remember that we are to build the Kingdom of God, not drive people away - pastor Frank Pomeroy
Posts: 17944 | From: 528491 | Registered: Jul 2002
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
My friend's (J) father was stationed in Germany and fathered a daughter (R) there. Fast forward several years, and he married and they had my friend.
The sister knew about her American father, and had received gifts and a letter from her father's mother. The German family would not allow her to contact her dad.
So, my friend's dad died, then his mother just a couple of years ago. As J went through her grandmother's few things, she found out about her half sister. They established contact, and have been thrilled to get to know each other.
R was here last month, and J is going to Germany this week to spend time with R and her family.
This has been a miracle, and even though there have been a few rough spots (what sisters don't have those?), R and J treasure each other!
Basso, I am very happy for you! I hope this turns into a wonderful new chapter in your life!
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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daisydaisy
Shipmate
# 12167
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Posted
Someone was telling me that after her mum died she discovered that she had a half brother - he was born in Wales, she was born in London, and it transpired that for the previous 10 years they'd been commuting on the same bus to a small city in a completely different part of the country.
[ 15. April 2014, 15:57: Message edited by: daisydaisy ]
Posts: 3184 | From: southern uk | Registered: Dec 2006
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
Having no experience of sudden siblings (or looking for them), all I can offer is my prayers and best wishes for a happy outcome for you and your family.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by basso:
I told a friend of mine about this today, and she just said ¨what great news!¨ Thank God for friends like that. She's right, it is great news.
Well... as long as it reflects how you feel. I think a more sensitive thing for a friend to say in that situation is, "Ah, right - and how do you feel about that?" A half-cousin appeared in Mr Nen's family a few years back and it was a very mixed blessing, even for us and particularly for the half-siblings involved.
But I hope it does turn out to be great news, both for you and for your half brother.
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
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Ye Olde Motherboarde
Ship's Mother and Singing Quilter
# 54
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Posted
Congratulations, Basso, it would be interesting to see family resemblances. Ask for photos. (For example, I don't look much like my sister, but our voices are unmistakably the same).
BTW, I've read in journals that siblings have a lot of similarities in what they like, things they eat, go into the same jobs and even though they were not in the same house. If you get a chance, I'd ask him a few questions about what he likes when you can e-mail or speak to him.
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In Memory of Miss Molly, TimC, Gambit, KenWritez, koheleth, Leetle Masha, JLG, Genevieve, Erin, RuthW2, deuce2, Sidi and TonyCoxon, unbeliever, Morlader, Ken :tear: 20 years but who’s counting?..................
Posts: 4292 | From: Looking for more trouble to get into | Registered: May 2001
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basso
Ship’s Crypt Keeper
# 4228
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Posted
Thanks for the responses.
Nothing has happened yet, if my sister doesn't share something really soon I'll have to start my own searches. (I do know where he lives.)
Something I didn't mention in the OP: many of you know that I have a very uncommon given name that's really an Irish surname. My brother was adopted by a family with that name. I'm not reading anything into that, but it sure is a big coincidence. It must have been really surprising for him to learn my name!
I chose the friend I told about this because she's adopted. I wanted to ask if she's looked up her birth family. (She hasn't yet - complicated story.) So in a way I was inviting the delighted reaction I got.
MB, a family resemblance wouldn't surprise me at all. People told me at my mother's memorial service, ¨you look just like your cousin Kevin!¨
Time will tell!
Posts: 4358 | From: Bay Area, Calif | Registered: Mar 2003
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
I've read this thread several times, almost posted, and then erased it, and started again.
A friend of a friend gave a hint, and we dismissed it for a year. Then the story came forth, and a whole section of life made a little more sense about her behaviour. The upset she had when a niece became pregnant. The way she reacted to certain discussions. She never told, and we don't know if she ever told him, her husband for 56 years.
So we began to ask, an older brother, still alive, admitted the truth, said he never thought it would ever come up. Did they ever hold secrets well those people raised in the 1930s. Yes, she'd had a baby and given it up.
She's been dead for 7 years, and that son is in his 60s. And there is no-one else to ask, just us to talk. He's a nice enough fellow, and the oddest bits are the mannerisms that are obviously genetic. No sure what to do about it, met, visited, nervously talked just in Dec last year.
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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