homepage
  roll on christmas  
click here to find out more about ship of fools click here to sign up for the ship of fools newsletter click here to support ship of fools
community the mystery worshipper gadgets for god caption competition foolishness features ship stuff
discussion boards live chat cafe avatars frequently-asked questions the ten commandments gallery private boards register for the boards
 
Ship of Fools


Post new thread  Post a reply
My profile login | | Directory | Search | FAQs | Board home
   - Printer-friendly view Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
» Ship of Fools   »   » Oblivion   » Fox News Advice for Travellers (Page 1)

 - Email this page to a friend or enemy.  
Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4  5 
 
Source: (consider it) Thread: Fox News Advice for Travellers
Eirenist
Shipmate
# 13343

 - Posted      Profile for Eirenist         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Steve Emerson, a 'terrorism expert' has said in a broadcast on Fox News that 'a city like Birmingham (UK) is totally Muslim - non Muslims don't go there'. I am put in mind of the famous 'New Statesman' competition entry: 'Public toilet facilities are rare in British cities, but secluded streets where hard-pressed visitors can relieve themselves are prominently marked by the letter P'. Can Shipmates suggest any equally accurate and helpful advice for viewers of that network thinking of visiting the UK (or elsewhere)?

--------------------
'I think I think, therefore I think I am'

Posts: 486 | From: Darkest Metroland | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged
Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076

 - Posted      Profile for Gwai   Email Gwai   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I have heard one person tell a tourist that the entire south side of my (large!) city is a place where it's just not safe to go. I wondered how people manage to attend the top tier university on the south side or whether President Obama knew that his residence was such a dangerous place.

--------------------
A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

 - Posted      Profile for Hedgehog   Email Hedgehog   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
I am confident that "tourism expert" Emerson would also advise tourist to avoid visiting cities in the UK during a match day. On those days soccer hooligans can be expected to burn down half the city. It is, however, a testament to the resolve of these descendants of Winston Churchill that they manage to rebuild the city prior to the next match day.

Fox News: We Make Up The News and Let You Decide What To Run With.

--------------------
"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged
Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076

 - Posted      Profile for Gwai   Email Gwai   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
In fact, it's probably very dangerous to go near Ohio State's campus too when a game is on. Definitely don't attend the game to avoid being burnt to death.

--------------------
A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.


Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

 - Posted      Profile for Firenze     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Two of my favourite pieces of advice are sadly superseded now:
'Have you tried the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room?' and
'All brothels are marked by a blue lamp'.

Some still apply though:

'On entering a London Underground train, it is customary to shake hands with all the other people in the carriage'.

Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Oscar the Grouch

Adopted Cascadian
# 1916

 - Posted      Profile for Oscar the Grouch     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Anyone living outside of the major cities in the UK can be classified as "yokel" and will probably be extremely dim-witted due to excessive in-breeding.

--------------------
Faradiu, dundeibáwa weyu lárigi weyu

Posts: 3871 | From: Gamma Quadrant, just to the left of Galifrey | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

 - Posted      Profile for Spike   Email Spike   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
It is illegal to tip London Taxi drivers.

--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Ariel
Shipmate
# 58

 - Posted      Profile for Ariel   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Anyone visiting Oxford shouldn't miss the sunken cathedral in St Giles. Just outside the Randolph Hotel, the spire is now sadly all that remains above ground of this once glorious piece of medieval architecture. It is still possible, on payment of a fee to the appropriate person, to enter and view it via the subterranean entrances a little further along St Giles, which also have public toilets attached.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
St. Gwladys
Shipmate
# 14504

 - Posted      Profile for St. Gwladys   Email St. Gwladys   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
All Welsh men are miners and sing in male voice choirs. On meeting a Welsh person, you should say Yacky Dar, offer them a leek and ask if they know Tom Jones.

--------------------
"I say - are you a matelot?"
"Careful what you say sir, we're on board ship here"
From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

Posts: 3333 | From: Rhymney Valley, South Wales | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged
Oscar the Grouch

Adopted Cascadian
# 1916

 - Posted      Profile for Oscar the Grouch     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
As Kevin Costner proved, it IS possible to get from Dover to Nottingham (via Hadrian's Wall) in a day on foot.

--------------------
Faradiu, dundeibáwa weyu lárigi weyu

Posts: 3871 | From: Gamma Quadrant, just to the left of Galifrey | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged
North East Quine

Curious beastie
# 13049

 - Posted      Profile for North East Quine   Email North East Quine   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
All Scots people know each other. So if you have an aunt in Edinburgh, and meet someone from Wick, you should ask them if they know her - they probably will.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged
Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564

 - Posted      Profile for Leorning Cniht   Email Leorning Cniht   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
"Scotland - that's in England, right?"
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged
Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061

 - Posted      Profile for Brenda Clough   Author's homepage   Email Brenda Clough   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
It is well known that residents of Virginia are not Americans. Sarah Palin said so. Would she lie to us? (Do not look over there, at George Washington, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson.)

--------------------
Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page

Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

 - Posted      Profile for Spike   Email Spike   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
Anyone visiting Oxford shouldn't miss the sunken cathedral in St Giles. Just outside the Randolph Hotel, the spire is now sadly all that remains above ground of this once glorious piece of medieval architecture. It is still possible, on payment of a fee to the appropriate person, to enter and view it via the subterranean entrances a little further along St Giles, which also have public toilets attached.

Also, while in Oxford, you'll be interested to know that the activity of riding punts on the river is known as "cottaging". If you'd like to take part, simply find a policeman or university professor and ask them to take you to the nearest location where you can can indulge in some cottaging.

[ 14. January 2015, 18:30: Message edited by: Spike ]

--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Hedgehog

Ship's Shortstop
# 14125

 - Posted      Profile for Hedgehog   Email Hedgehog   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
And while you are looking for that policeman, remember that they are all called Bobby. To be a policeman you need to be named Robert.

--------------------
"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'

Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged
Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

 - Posted      Profile for Chorister   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Everyone in the South West of England is related to Uncle Tom Cobley. We all wear smocks and go around with ears of corn in our mouths. It is difficult to speak with said full mouths, so in answer to any question, we are likely to answer 'Oo arr oo arr ay'. The same effect can be observed if you ever try to engage a Westcountryman in conversation while he is eating his daily pasty.

--------------------
Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Enoch
Shipmate
# 14322

 - Posted      Profile for Enoch   Email Enoch   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
You need not worry about theft, because all thieves by law are required when going about their business to wear a face mask and a striped tee-shirt and to carry a bag over their shoulder, informatively marked SWAG.

When arrested, they are required to say 'It's a fair cop, gov'. Indeed, the statements they make to the police start with those words pre-printed at the top, immediately below the space for their name and nick-name to be inserted.

Cleaners are required always to introduce themselves with the customary phrase 'shall I do you now, Sir/Madam?'

--------------------
Brexit wrexit - Sir Graham Watson

Posts: 7610 | From: Bristol UK(was European Green Capital 2015, now Ljubljana) | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged
Enoch
Shipmate
# 14322

 - Posted      Profile for Enoch   Email Enoch   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
On being introduced to a Welsh, Scottish or Irish person, they will appreciate it if you attempt to speak to them in your attempt at their own accent.

Modern Britain being both a dynamic multi-cultural society and very proud of its being so, these days, you should afford the same courtesy to persons of Indian or Afro-Carribean descent.

[ 14. January 2015, 20:33: Message edited by: Enoch ]

--------------------
Brexit wrexit - Sir Graham Watson

Posts: 7610 | From: Bristol UK(was European Green Capital 2015, now Ljubljana) | Registered: Nov 2008  |  IP: Logged
Athrawes
Ship's parrot
# 9594

 - Posted      Profile for Athrawes   Email Athrawes   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
All Australians speak and act like Crocodile Dundee - strewth! We all own kangaroos, all the wildlife is trying to kill you, except the koala, which is really sweet and cuddly. Mif you see one in a gum tree, climb it and give the cute little thing a pat. It will love it. (Medical disclaimer - while not all our wildlife is trying to kill you, the koala is a wild animal. Touch one in the wild and it will disembowel you, then rip your face off. Those claws are there for a reason!)

--------------------
Explaining why is going to need a moment, since along the way we must take in the Ancient Greeks, the study of birds, witchcraft, 19thC Vaudeville and the history of baseball. Michael Quinion.

Posts: 2966 | From: somewhere with a book shop | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

 - Posted      Profile for Firenze     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
All Scottish males are particularly delighted to be addressed as You Jimmy, and all Scottish females as Senga Hen.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Dafyd
Shipmate
# 5549

 - Posted      Profile for Dafyd   Email Dafyd   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
In central Edinburgh, above Princes Street Gardens, you will see the ship, the RRS Discovery, used by Robert Scott on his ill-fated expedition to the south pole.

--------------------
we remain, thanks to original sin, much in love with talking about, rather than with, one another. Rowan Williams

Posts: 10567 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Stercus Tauri
Shipmate
# 16668

 - Posted      Profile for Stercus Tauri   Email Stercus Tauri   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
Two of my favourite pieces of advice are sadly superseded now:
'Have you tried the famous echo in the British Museum Reading Room?' and
'All brothels are marked by a blue lamp'.

Some still apply though:

'On entering a London Underground train, it is customary to shake hands with all the other people in the carriage'.

Those and more by the immortal Gerard Hoffnung

--------------------
Thay haif said. Quhat say thay, Lat thame say (George Keith, 5th Earl Marischal)

Posts: 905 | From: On the traditional lands of the Six Nations. | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged
Leaf
Shipmate
# 14169

 - Posted      Profile for Leaf     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Gwai:
I have heard one person tell a tourist that the entire south side of my (large!) city is a place where it's just not safe to go.

Was it Jim Croce?
Posts: 2786 | From: the electrical field | Registered: Oct 2008  |  IP: Logged
Spike

Mostly Harmless
# 36

 - Posted      Profile for Spike   Email Spike   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
Everyone in the South West of England is related to Uncle Tom Cobley. We all wear smocks and go around with ears of corn in our mouths. It is difficult to speak with said full mouths, so in answer to any question, we are likely to answer 'Oo arr oo arr ay'. The same effect can be observed if you ever try to engage a Westcountryman in conversation while he is eating his daily pasty.

All the inhabitants of the West Country are related to each other.

--------------------
"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing

Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Gill H

Shipmate
# 68

 - Posted      Profile for Gill H     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Upon entering a pub, the traditional greeting to the assembled patrons is "Hello everyone, it's my round," You will soon find yourself surrounded by friendly locals eager to make your acquaintance.

--------------------
*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.

- Lyda Rose

Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Bob Two-Owls
Shipmate
# 9680

 - Posted      Profile for Bob Two-Owls         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
All football derbys are played at the football ground alongside the famous racecourse in Derby. It is traditional to wear a brown bowler hat when you visit.

I have also heard an American tour guide in Bakewell telling her charges that before the Romans Derbyshire was in Wales.

Posts: 1262 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged
Amanda B. Reckondwythe

Dressed for Church
# 5521

 - Posted      Profile for Amanda B. Reckondwythe     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
In New York City, the best bargains are to be had from street vendors, especially those offering well-known brand-name watches and other jewelry.

--------------------
"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.

Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged
Carex
Shipmate
# 9643

 - Posted      Profile for Carex   Email Carex   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Tip for Americans: when visiting other countries where English is spoken with quaint accents, you may have to speak louder for them to understand you.
Posts: 1425 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged
Pigwidgeon

Ship's Owl
# 10192

 - Posted      Profile for Pigwidgeon   Author's homepage     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
A good foreign phrase book is always useful.

--------------------
"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf

Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

 - Posted      Profile for orfeo   Author's homepage   Email orfeo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Athrawes:
We all own kangaroos

Not just own. Ride.

--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

 - Posted      Profile for orfeo   Author's homepage   Email orfeo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
It is well known that residents of Virginia are not Americans. Sarah Palin said so. Would she lie to us? (Do not look over there, at George Washington, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson.)

I once saw a National Geographic article that said that New Mexico has a lot of issues with this stuff. The stories ranged from being put through to the international section when trying to book a flight to Albuquerque, through to a church in the north-east somewhere proudly displaying the flags of all the countries to which it had sent missionaries.

--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Zappa
Ship's Wake
# 8433

 - Posted      Profile for Zappa   Email Zappa   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Athrawes:
All Australians speak and act like Crocodile Dundee - strewth! We all own kangaroos, all the wildlife is trying to kill you, except the koala, which is really sweet and cuddly. Mif you see one in a gum tree, climb it and give the cute little thing a pat. It will love it. (Medical disclaimer - while not all our wildlife is trying to kill you, the koala is a wild animal. Touch one in the wild and it will disembowel you, then rip your face off. Those claws are there for a reason!)

As the former Minister for tourism has stated koalas are
quote:
flea-ridden, piddling, stinking, scratching, rotten little things.
While I'm at it, while visiting New Zealand it is worth mentioning how proud kiwis must be of their Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

--------------------
shameless self promotion - because I think it's worth it
and mayhap this too: http://broken-moments.blogspot.co.nz/

Posts: 18917 | From: "Central" is all they call it | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged
Starbug
Shipmate
# 15917

 - Posted      Profile for Starbug   Email Starbug   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
When visiting the Isle of Portland, it is customary to use this word as often as possible: rabbits

--------------------
“Oh the pointing again. They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?” ― The Day of the Doctor

Posts: 1189 | From: West of the New Forest | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged
Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
# 619

 - Posted      Profile for Firenze     Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
In Glasgow, wearing a blue, white and red jersey accessorised with a green and white scarf will draw appreciative comment from the locals.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Latchkey Kid
Shipmate
# 12444

 - Posted      Profile for Latchkey Kid   Author's homepage   Email Latchkey Kid   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Australia hosts the Vienna Boy's Choir.

--------------------
'You must never give way for an answer. An answer is always the stretch of road that's behind you. Only a question can point the way forward.'
Mika; in Hello? Is Anybody There?, Jostein Gaardner

Posts: 2592 | From: The wizardest little town in Oz | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged
North East Quine

Curious beastie
# 13049

 - Posted      Profile for North East Quine   Email North East Quine   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
When in the Scottish Highlands tell the locals how much you envy their simple peasant lifestyle, and say it slowly in case their grasp of English is poor.

Also, the joke about Gaelic not being a "real" language because it has to borrow words like spaghetti and helicopter from English always raises a merry laugh.

[ 15. January 2015, 08:30: Message edited by: North East Quine ]

Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged
Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194

 - Posted      Profile for Rowen   Email Rowen   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
There is no snow in Australia. It never gets cold. Don't bring warm clothes in winter. Swim all year round.
If your host, me, tells you otherwise, tell her that you know best, because someone told you in an American bar or an English pub.
Ask your host, me, why a greatcoat hangs in the entrance hallway. Laugh hysterically at the answer.
Go swim instead. In July. In Victoria.

[ 15. January 2015, 08:29: Message edited by: Rowen ]

--------------------
"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...

Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001  |  IP: Logged
Lord Jestocost
Shipmate
# 12909

 - Posted      Profile for Lord Jestocost   Email Lord Jestocost   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Wales is a small county in the west of England.
Posts: 761 | From: The Instrumentality of Man | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Bob Two-Owls:

I have also heard an American tour guide in Bakewell telling her charges that before the Romans Derbyshire was in Wales.

She probably had heard and misunderstood that the language of the Peak would have been British, which evolved into Welsh (and its relatives Cumbric, Cornish and Breton) in due course. There are of course several almost certainly British place names, especially of landscape features - Critch (from Crug, Hill), Derwent (Deruentio, British for Oak Valley), Dove (cf. ModW Dwfr, Water)

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
When in the Scottish Highlands tell the locals how much you envy their simple peasant lifestyle, and say it slowly in case their grasp of English is poor.

Also, the joke about Gaelic not being a "real" language because it has to borrow words like spaghetti and helicopter from English always raises a merry laugh.

Ah yes. Welsh gets that as well. Along with jokes about phlegm and having no vowels. It actually has more than English.

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Alan Cresswell

Mad Scientist 先生
# 31

 - Posted      Profile for Alan Cresswell   Email Alan Cresswell   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
quote:
Originally posted by Brenda Clough:
It is well known that residents of Virginia are not Americans. Sarah Palin said so. Would she lie to us? (Do not look over there, at George Washington, James Madison, and Thomas Jefferson.)

I once saw a National Geographic article that said that New Mexico has a lot of issues with this stuff.
This is a true story (several other Shipmates can verify it). When, several years ago, we went to a Shipmeet in Santa Fe and then Colorado we wisely decided to see lots of the country by hiring a car in Washington DC and driving. We had car trouble (bald tires, shot suspension) and called the hire company from our Santa Fe hotel to be told the warranty was void for taking the car outside the US, presumably the girl on the phone didn't recognise the difference between Mexico and New Mexico.

--------------------
Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.

Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Drifting Star

Drifting against the wind
# 12799

 - Posted      Profile for Drifting Star   Email Drifting Star   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Genuine ones from the boyfriend of an American friend while they were staying with us. It was his first visit to the UK, and he had worked these out for himself.

1. You cannot cycle in Britain because the roads are all too narrow, and it rains all the time.

2. We believe we are still living under the feudal system, this being apparent from the many terraced houses.

3. Watching Eastenders will familiarise you with all the issues facing the whole of the UK.

4. Inhabitants of the UK will be delighted to provide food, accommodation, transport and entertainment to people who, in return, offer such enlightened theories, and will not be at all offended by them. (Unlike the others, he did not directly state this one. I extrapolated it from his behaviour.)

--------------------
The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus

Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
Stejjie
Shipmate
# 13941

 - Posted      Profile for Stejjie   Author's homepage   Email Stejjie   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Everyone knows that it always rains here in Manchester. There are two things you should bear in mind about this:

1) Free umbrellas and raincoats are handed out at all train stations and at the airport.

2) All that rain makes the people soggy, damp, wet if you will. Some unscrupulous soggy Mancunians may try and shake your hand or even hug you. Don't let them! They are using their innate dampness to make you wet and prolonged exposure to such actions may result in your drowning. Last year alone, 10 people had to be taken to Manchester Royal Infirmary because of soggy attacks such as these. Be alert: carry your umbrella, resist all attempts at supposed "friendliness" from people who clearly aren't dressed for the weather.

--------------------
A not particularly-alt-worshippy, fairly mainstream, mildly evangelical, vaguely post-modern-ish Baptist

Posts: 1117 | From: Urmston, Manchester, UK | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
orfeo

Ship's Musical Counterpoint
# 13878

 - Posted      Profile for orfeo   Author's homepage   Email orfeo   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
There is no snow in Australia. It never gets cold.

Except in Canberra. It is always cold in Canberra. Even in the middle of summer, a nationally televised sporting event from Canberra will involve the commentators making remarks about the temperature.

(This last sentence is completely true. [Mad] )

--------------------
Technology has brought us all closer together. Turns out a lot of the people you meet as a result are complete idiots.

Posts: 18173 | From: Under | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged
Lord Jestocost
Shipmate
# 12909

 - Posted      Profile for Lord Jestocost   Email Lord Jestocost   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Drifting Star:
Inhabitants of the UK will be delighted to provide food, accommodation, transport and entertainment to people who, in return, offer such enlightened theories, and will not be at all offended by them. (Unlike the others, he did not directly state this one. I extrapolated it from his behaviour.)

Kind of like paying a travelling player, really. You don't get that entertainment for free!
Posts: 761 | From: The Instrumentality of Man | Registered: Aug 2007  |  IP: Logged
Felafool
Shipmate
# 270

 - Posted      Profile for Felafool         Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Some advice that seems to be implemented widely in UK:

It is mandatory to leave your chewing gum on the pavement.

Speed limits only apply if there is a speed camera.

In Cinemas, it is polite to engage in conversations during the film.

For a good night out, one must drink too much alcohol, vomit on the pavement, then go on a tour of the nearest A&E department.

--------------------
I don't care if the glass is half full or half empty - I ordered a cheeseburger.

Posts: 265 | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

 - Posted      Profile for Trudy Scrumptious   Author's homepage   Email Trudy Scrumptious   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
Ah yes. Welsh gets that as well. Along with jokes about phlegm and having no vowels. It actually has more than English.

Having more vowels doesn't necessarily mean they're getting used as much, though, does it?

Anyway, from my own recent trip to England I am happy to assure other travellers that a troupe of travelling London players will entertain you nightly on late Tube rides back to where you're staying, with variations on a show entitled, "I Have Opinions and I Want to Yell Them," and its companion piece, "You're Drunk, Sit Down, Shut Up!"

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged
Drifting Star

Drifting against the wind
# 12799

 - Posted      Profile for Drifting Star   Email Drifting Star   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
Could you define 'widely', Felafool? I've lived in at least 10 counties in the UK, in towns, cities, villages and the countryside, and the only one that seems at all familiar to me is the speed limits one.

--------------------
The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus

Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged
Karl: Liberal Backslider
Shipmate
# 76

 - Posted      Profile for Karl: Liberal Backslider   Author's homepage   Email Karl: Liberal Backslider   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Trudy Scrumptious:
quote:
Originally posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider:
Ah yes. Welsh gets that as well. Along with jokes about phlegm and having no vowels. It actually has more than English.

Having more vowels doesn't necessarily mean they're getting used as much, though, does it?


They do though. Welsh syllables are much like English ones; a consonant or cluster, a vowel, and sometimes an extra consonant.

Example: cwm (valley) - consonant (c), vowel (w) (equivalent of English 'oo'), consonant (m).

Then there's wyau - eggs. All vowels.

Which is where people get confused. W and Y are vowels in Welsh. Y's usually a vowel in English, to be honest.

[ 15. January 2015, 11:09: Message edited by: Karl: Liberal Backslider ]

--------------------
Might as well ask the bloody cat.

Posts: 17938 | From: Chesterfield | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Trudy Scrumptious

BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647

 - Posted      Profile for Trudy Scrumptious   Author's homepage   Email Trudy Scrumptious   Send new private message       Edit/delete post   Reply with quote 
That's true; I have had that explained to me before, but I still have the natural reaction of most English speakers when I see a Welsh sign and what looks like a massive pile-up of consonants.

--------------------
Books and things.

I lied. There are no things. Just books.

Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged



Pages in this thread: 1  2  3  4  5 
 
Post new thread  Post a reply Close thread   Feature thread   Move thread   Delete thread Next oldest thread   Next newest thread
 - Printer-friendly view
Go to:

Contact us | Ship of Fools | Privacy statement

© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0

 
follow ship of fools on twitter
buy your ship of fools postcards
sip of fools mugs from your favourite nautical website
 
 
  ship of fools