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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: I'm dreaming of a lonely Christmas
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
So what do the lonely do at Christmas?
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
I'm not sure what you're asking. Do you mean people who are alone and not liking it? Why would you be dreaming of being in that situation? If you mean you're dreaming of enjoyably being by yourself for Christmas, that's not the same as being lonely.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
What I am asking is: There are people, myself included, who (for whatever reason) do not find themselves in a position to enjoy the company of family or friends on holidays such as Christmas. It may or may not be by choice.
To what activities do people such as those turn to occupy the time?
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
Keep it low key. Don't have great expectations. I treat it as a few days off work.
You can catch up on housework and laundry, clearing out cupboards and wardrobes, putting stuff aside for charity shops. There's television, DVDs, the internet, books to read, musical instruments to play. There are pictures to draw, designs to design, crafts to do, knitting and crochet (if you're inclined that way). At a pinch, going out to see the Christmas decorations, churches and shop windows somewhere else, or going for a walk if the weather permits.
Creativity is good. Though there may be times when you just want to stare at the grey sky out of the window and indulge in festive gloom for a bit.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
I like to spend Christmas alone, for various reasons. I don't find it lonely, but I guess you weren't meaning 'lonely' in its literal sense. I'm quite a solitary person anyway though - I like my own company and quietness.
On Christmas day, I like the feeling of quiet, the feeling that it's a holiday and everything is closed and people are in their homes. I like to curl up on my sofa and read, and draw. I like to roast a duck and eat all the crispy skin, and drink red wine and eat chocolate and cheese and crisps. I find it peaceful and fun. I like to go on Facebook and wish everyone a merry Christmas and see what people are doing. I used to think the internet would be silent on Christmas day, but I find quite a few people who are seeing family for Christmas get a bit fed up of it and they come and post on Facebook!
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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lily pad
Shipmate
# 11456
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Posted
I generally buy myself a book that I really am looking forward to reading and get in a few foods that I wouldn't normally indulge in. Sometimes I make plans to bake bread or make something that I would usually find too finicky or time consuming. Now that I have a dog, I will take her out walking somewhere we are likely to see others. Last year I was in bed needing to learn to walk again. Hopefully I will never pass a Christmas as bleak as that again.
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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!
Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
I'm quite a solitary person anyway though - I like my own company and quietness. . . . I like to roast a duck and eat all the crispy skin, and drink red wine and eat chocolate and cheese and crisps.
Pity we live a continent apart!
I'll go to church, of course, either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, and write it up for MW. There will undoubtedly be other MW reports to edit as well. Hopefully I'll have enough to prepare a Special for the MW page.
Then I'll cook something that I like (maybe not duck, although I've done it) and have it with wine and a rich dessert. Watch some TV. Go to bed early.
I'm contemplating going away this Christmas but I don't really have any particular destination in mind yet.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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lily pad
Shipmate
# 11456
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
I'm quite a solitary person anyway though - I like my own company and quietness. . . . I like to roast a duck and eat all the crispy skin, and drink red wine and eat chocolate and cheese and crisps.
Pity we live a continent apart!
I'll go to church, of course, either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, and write it up for MW. There will undoubtedly be other MW reports to edit as well. Hopefully I'll have enough to prepare a Special for the MW page.
Then I'll cook something that I like (maybe not duck, although I've done it) and have it with wine and a rich dessert. Watch some TV. Go to bed early.
I'm contemplating going away this Christmas but I don't really have any particular destination in mind yet.
Lol - come on over!
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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!
Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
I have spent many Christmases alone. In my older age, I tend to spend it with good friends if I am local to home. Or travel to visit other good friends. Most Christmases are low key anyway. I get in some books, a nice bottle of wine and make a special dinner. I may get a small fruitcake, or donated shortbread, both festive delicacies. I enjoy those times, just as much as sharing with others. I long ago decided that Christmas hype is for kids and party-goers. Not me.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Teekeey Misha
Shipmate
# 18604
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Posted
Midnight mass for me then a lovely lie-in with the first coffee of the day and the radio. After rising late, I make a couple of 'phone calls to family and have a light brunch, then open any presents there might be. Lunch goes on ready to eat c.1400hrs, giving me around an hour to eat before the Queen's Speech.
I spend the day with just what I want on TV or radio, or I read or maybe play the piano for a while... any number of things that I can do on any other day, but with the sure knowledge that I won't have to rush off to be somewhere else. In the event there's nothing I want to see on TV, then I "play with my presents" - I read one of the books or watch one of the dvds somebody has bought me. Later, a soak in a hot bath, evening prayer and off to bed with another book.
The only thing I can't do in the absence of others is pull a cracker!
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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.
Posts: 296 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2016
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by lily pad:
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
Pity we live a continent apart!
...
I'm contemplating going away this Christmas but I don't really have any particular destination in mind yet.
Lol - come on over! [/QB]
lily pad, that was my thought, too - I think Miss Amanda already answered her own dilemma!
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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SusanDoris
Incurable Optimist
# 12618
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Posted
This year will be my first on my own - this is by choice. Family with whom I have spent the day for years will be away and to be in surroundings not as familiar as their home would need far too much continuous concentration. I hope it will not rain so that I can go out for a walk. It will be an ordinary day!
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
Posts: 3083 | From: UK | Registered: May 2007
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Abigail
Shipmate
# 1672
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Posted
Other than going to church on Christmas morning, (which of course I intend to do again this year even though church isn't a very good experience for me these days) I spend Christmas alone.
I have a friend in another part of the country and we always speak on the phone at some point over the holiday, but other than that I usually spend the rest of Christmas Day on my own without speaking to anyone. And Boxing Day. and the next day if (like this year) it's a Bank Holiday. I haven't got any family or any friends I can spend Christmas with.
I find it very difficult. Not the actual being on my own - I'm a natural loner and feel more comfortable with my own company than with other people. But the whole Christmas thing makes me feel unbearably depressed.
I usually cook a 'special' meal and have a couple of glasses of wine. I try to make sure I have something good to read (though many years I feel too depressed to open a book) and I put up a few decorations (though there's nobody but me to see them.) If I've got the energy I try to go for a long walk on Boxing Day (steering well clear of the sales!) and that sometimes helps.
But basically it's usually a matter of sitting it out and waiting for things to get back to normal.
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The older I get the less I know.
Posts: 505 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:
Other than going to church on Christmas morning . . . I spend Christmas alone. I have a friend in another part of the country and we always speak on the phone at some point over the holiday, but other than that I usually spend the rest of Christmas Day on my own without speaking to anyone. . . . I find it very difficult. Not the actual being on my own - I'm a natural loner and feel more comfortable with my own company than with other people. But the whole Christmas thing makes me feel unbearably depressed. . . . I put up a few decorations (though there's nobody but me to see them.) . . . But basically it's usually a matter of sitting it out and waiting for things to get back to normal.
Well, you see, that's me in a nutshell, and that's why I started the thread. Misery loves company, they say.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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SusanDoris
Incurable Optimist
# 12618
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Posted
Other people tend to say that they don't like: 'to think of you being on your own'. If they were me, they wouldn't think that!! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
Posts: 3083 | From: UK | Registered: May 2007
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
In the days BC (Before Children) my Christmas Day was always a burst of frenetic activity playing/conducting and a evening spent alone. The latter was by choice, having all-too-vivid memories of hellish childhood Christmases with parents arguing and/or sulking and we children having to tiptoe around on eggshells.
One of the reasons why I've put up resistance to the re-introduction of Christmas Day evensong at my current place is that, post children, I've come to cherish our relaxed Christmases: back from church to snack on goodies as presents are undone, a brisk walk and then dinner c7pm.
Now the children are older I think I may get back to a singleton's Christmas but if so I'll probably revert to former habits and use it as an opportunity to treat/indulge myself.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Teekeey Misha
Shipmate
# 18604
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Posted
This may be TL;DR*
quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:
I find it very difficult. Not the actual being on my own - I'm a natural loner and feel more comfortable with my own company than with other people. But the whole Christmas thing makes me feel unbearably depressed.
It's a feeling I know well. I love my own company but I also love the company of others; if anything has emerged from my recent experience and the therapy that has followed, I suspect it's that I love my own company but also love, need and thrive on the company of others. "Me space" is important, but Misha is no natural hermit! If I'm invited to wonderful parties, I will moan incessantly (to myself) beforehand about going, but I know I will enjoy them once I'm there and secretly (I hide it even from myself) look forward to them. That doesn't stop me dreading such gatherings, it doesn't stop me feeling horribly lonely even if I do go to gatherings with others and it doesn't stop me often feeling lonely when I'm alone.
quote:
I usually cook a 'special' meal and have a couple of glasses of wine...I put up a few decorations (though there's nobody but me to see them.)
That bit's key for me: I may be alone but I'm not really. At the risk of sounding pi, "You're never alone with Jesus!" ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif) Christmas Day is His birthday and that's what we're celebrating. I celebrate it with Him, even though it may be only He and I (and the company of Saints, Archangels, Angels, Dominions, Powers &c &c) in the room. (It begins to sound a bit "invisible friend" and psycho when I write it down...)
quote:
I try to make sure I have something good to read (though many years I feel too depressed to open a book)...
Welcome to my world! The worst thing about my mental state since my breakdown is that I can't concentrate; for one who spent his/her life buried in books, being unable to concentrate enough to read a sentence (let alone a paragraph, a page, a chapter...) is horrible. That, to me, is the joy of TV/radio/DVD/CD. I might not be able wholly to engage with it, but it is at least there, it's a noise and some pictures; it might distract me occasionally - enough to stop the day being an endless period of hearing only my own voice engaging in the endless internal monologue of endless me. And I absolutely, truly, wholly believe in the value of comedy. If a comedy can catch my attention enough for me to engage with it, it really does lift my mood. It makes me laugh and (more ) "laughter is the best medicine". No, I can't cure my depression by eternally watching/listening to comedy, but I know that something funny enough to make me laugh out loud (or even just laugh inside) will lift my spirits enough to make life worth continuing at least for the next hour or so. I like lots of (what my mother calls) "clever and intellectual comedy", but if I'm in need of a "mood boost", my complete collections of 'Laurel and Hardy' or of 'Will Hay' will be enough just to pick me off the floor. I travelled a lot in my youth and make sure that my photo albums are always easily accessible. If I can't focus on reading a book, I just leaf through my albums - or through some "coffee table books" or through some online picture sights - just something that might trigger enough interest in me to stop thinking about what whatever I'm thinking about (or to make me think about something instead of nothing) for a moment, two moments, a minute, an hour...
quote:
...and If I've got the energy I try to go for a long walk on Boxing Day...
That's important for me, too. I am sure medicos will tell us there is something psycho-chemical about walking; it generates some -tonin or other in the brain that boosts mood. Admittedly, it doesn't make me leap about rejoicing in life, but it does lift my spirits at least a little. I'm one of nature's worriers and I do think just as much when I'm walking, but somehow it seems to be more a positive "musing" than a negative "worrying".
quote:
But basically it's usually a matter of sitting it out and waiting for things to get back to normal.
That's the bit to which I can't relate; I'd be happy for it to continue for ever. I don't want it "to get back to normal". It's just another day of living a life I hate, but it's a day over which at least I have some control, a day when there are more likely to be things that lift me out of the mire of life, a day when no one can complain that I sit around doing nothing (apart from lifting the odd glass!)
*ETA:
[It occurs to me that perhaps you shouldn't read this post. Perhaps you should save it for Christmas Day and read it then? At least trawling through the inner depths of Misha's mind and interminable posting-style would fill a bit of time. "Hey! Don't lie there feeling depressed - fight your way through Misha's crappy novel of a post and lie there feeling depressed an hour later than you otherwise would!"]
[ 03. December 2016, 13:59: Message edited by: Teekeey Misha ]
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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.
Posts: 296 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2016
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
Our Church puts on a full, excellent, Christmas dinner for 60 people who would otherwise be alone. We take 40 meals to the homeless in town.
Lots of the people who help on the day - driving, cooking, delivering, waiting on, washing up - would also be alone if they weren't at Church helping out. We get lots of people who never attend Church and several Muslims too who help on the day. There's a good community feel to the whole thing.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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daisydaisy
Shipmate
# 12167
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
quote:
Originally posted by Abigail:
Other than going to church on Christmas morning . . . I spend Christmas alone. I have a friend in another part of the country and we always speak on the phone at some point over the holiday, but other than that I usually spend the rest of Christmas Day on my own without speaking to anyone. . . . I find it very difficult. Not the actual being on my own - I'm a natural loner and feel more comfortable with my own company than with other people. But the whole Christmas thing makes me feel unbearably depressed. . . . I put up a few decorations (though there's nobody but me to see them.) . . . But basically it's usually a matter of sitting it out and waiting for things to get back to normal.
Well, you see, that's me in a nutshell, and that's why I started the thread. Misery loves company, they say.
Me too. Added to the festive cheer I have my birthday to contend with, for which everyone is too busy or skint to join me in doing anything. I suggested to my church the possibility of me helping lay on a tea for others like me (another church does lunch, but I'd rather be on my own than with strangers) and was told it was an idea no news yet, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Last year I went out by car for the day and when I got back here was nowhere within around half a mile to park, not even the space in front of my own garage due to inconsiderate parking of returning offspring and all their vehicles (I dinged a neighbours car - dreading insurance renewal time) so if I go out this year the furthest will be within walking or cycling distance, but won't include church to avoid polite but not really interested "what are you doing today?". To be honest I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's over.
Posts: 3184 | From: southern uk | Registered: Dec 2006
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
quote:
I'm dreaming of a lonely Christmas
I dream of a solitary Christmas! I think I've spent a couple of Christmases on my own and I've loved every moment (except the one I spent in A&E with a friend; that wasn't quite what I'd hoped for. however...)
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
What I find difficult about Christmas is all the expectations around it - the cultural idea that it's important to spend Christmas with family, and that spending it alone is the most terrible thing in the world. It can be embarrassing telling people when they ask what I am doing/did for Christmas, because pity seems to be their immediate reaction! And if everyone is pitying you, it can be easy to start assimilating the cultural assumption that Christmas alone is a terrible thing, and start seeing yourself as in an unfortunate position, even though you know really you enjoy being alone - so it can get very confusing!
I've found I've had to deliberately develop an immunity to society's attitude. How I see it is that Christmas is just another day, and I can see friends and family any time of the year, and it's more enjoyable seeing them casually on an ordinary day, rather than more formally on a day which our society has decided is the day everyone should see family and celebrate.
It might sound daft, but I found getting diagnosed with Aspergers helped in this regard - I can just say 'Oh, autistic people don't like Christmas, you see,' as this is a cultural assumption about autism. Then people just nod and accept it, rather than pouring on the sympathy! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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daisydaisy
Shipmate
# 12167
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Posted
The expectations are tough for a lot of people. Alan Ayckbourn's play "seasons greetings" is wonderful - do see it if you can. And I'm with you on the pity - I avoid going places where I feel I might stand out as being on my own, in case it causes pity.
Posts: 3184 | From: southern uk | Registered: Dec 2006
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
quote:
posted by Fineline:
What I find difficult about Christmas is all the expectations around it - the cultural idea that it's important to spend Christmas with family
And that you couldn't possibly have anything you might want to do more than spend Christmas with your family. Or difficult relative....
Like, for example, be in church celebrating the birth of Christ.
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
My mother and I spent Christmas apart for many years, but always met up in London to have lunch, exchange presents and have a look at the Christmas lights. I won't be doing that this year. Instead, if I get my act together, I'll be making a donation to add a little memorial tribute to one of the NSPCC's "little stars" that form this year's overhead Christmas decorations along Oxford Street.
Meanwhile, the tree is decorated and the tinsel up. And that's that. I'm finding it hard to summon up any enthusiasm for anything. I haven't signed up for the office Christmas lunch, and it looks like I probably have to be on a restricted diet anyway for the time being for health reasons. Christmas is pretty much over anyway once the office festivities finish and the place closes for the holidays. There can sometimes be an emptiness at the heart of Christmas that isn't easy to fill, particularly when you no longer have a sense of God.
I'll exchange gifts in the run-up to Christmas with an elderly friend, we'll probably phone each other on the day but that will be that, I'm not expecting any other messages or any visitors during the Christmas period. There are plenty of things to do, the difficulty will be finding the motivation to do any of them, but that isn't a specifically Christmas problem.
Some years I cope with all this better than others. There have been bitter Christmases when the merry cards seemed like a mockery and an in-yer-face reminder that I am childless, there have been good and refreshing solitary Christmases which were restorative and enjoyable. I just hope that this year's passes without any accidents or misfortunes.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Teekeey Misha
Shipmate
# 18604
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by kingsfold:
Like, for example, be in church celebrating the birth of Christ.
Oh, don't even dream of going there! I had too many years in my early ministry of familial complaints that "being there 'serving Jesus' and the people in your parish seems to be more important than spending time with your family..." Umm... yes. And?
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Misha
Don't assume I don't care; sometimes I just can't be bothered to put you right.
Posts: 296 | From: UK | Registered: Jun 2016
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Hedgehog
Ship's Shortstop
# 14125
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
What I am asking is: There are people, myself included, who (for whatever reason) do not find themselves in a position to enjoy the company of family or friends on holidays such as Christmas. It may or may not be by choice.
To what activities do people such as those turn to occupy the time?
This is where having strong Christmas traditions comes in handy. Actually, over the years my friends and family know that Christmas Eve and Christmas morning are mine. I don't want to be with others. The Christmas tree gets decorated on Christmas Eve. Now, here is the point: I don't have one of those "theme" trees. It is a hodgepodge of ornaments gathered over the years. Some belonged to my grandparents, some to my parents, some were given by friends, some were given by lovers. I love spending Christmas morning just looking at the tree, looking at the ornaments, wandering lazily down memory lane. It is a memory tree and I love it.
Christmas is not a sad day, not even for those all alone. It is a day of God's love. Enjoy it for that.
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"We must regain the conviction that we need one another, that we have a shared responsibility for others and the world, and that being good and decent are worth it."--Pope Francis, Laudato Si'
Posts: 2740 | From: Delaware, USA | Registered: Sep 2008
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by kingsfold:
quote:
posted by Fineline:
What I find difficult about Christmas is all the expectations around it - the cultural idea that it's important to spend Christmas with family
And that you couldn't possibly have anything you might want to do more than spend Christmas with your family. Or difficult relative....
Like, for example, be in church celebrating the birth of Christ.
Actually, I tend to avoid church on Christmas day, because that is a place where everyone will ask you what you're doing for the day and act like it's the end of the world if you're alone!
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
... the cultural idea that it's important to spend Christmas with family ...
If D. and I had a fiver for every time someone's asked us "are you going home for Christmas?"*, we could probably afford to go home for Christmas.
When you're an organist, Christmas Day (or at least until very late on Christmas Eve) is a working day, and going "home" (wherever that is) isn't an option (the last time D. was "home", as in where his parents lived, for Christmas was 1976).
* even people who ought to know better, like members of the choir ... ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
If D. and I had a fiver for every time someone's asked us "are you going home for Christmas?"*, we could probably afford to go home for Christmas.
When you're an organist, Christmas Day (or at least until very late on Christmas Eve) is a working day, and going "home" (wherever that is) isn't an option (the last time D. was "home", as in where his parents lived, for Christmas was 1976).
* even people who ought to know better, like members of the choir ...
I used to get asked the same thing when I was a clergy wife, and both sets of parents lived across the U.S. from us. 'Helpful' parishioners also made suggestions for weekend trips. (Especially odd since most of them seemed to think that clergy work only on Sundays!)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Quentin Crisp, of blessed memory, said the perfect Christmas was him alone, at home, door locked, with a bottle or two of GIN and the phone off the hook.
No GIN for me these days but I certainly see his point.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
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What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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daisydaisy
Shipmate
# 12167
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Quentin Crisp, of blessed memory, said the perfect Christmas was him alone, at home, door locked, with a bottle or two of GIN and the phone off the hook.
No GIN for me these days but I certainly see his point.
I'd replace GIN with real Ginger Beer, and add wall to wall Morcambe and Wise.
Posts: 3184 | From: southern uk | Registered: Dec 2006
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Japes
Shipmate
# 5358
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Posted
Whilst I definitely do Christmas on my own, by choice, strangely it's been easier dealing with other people's expectations since returning to being the organist.
I now firmly state I've been so busy what with the end of term, carol services, singing/playing at the various residential homes on our patch, then our Christmas services, that all I want to do come 12.00 noon on Christmas Day is slump in a heap until the next time I am due in church again. Which this year is a whole glorious week!
I am stockpiling CDs to listen to, DVDs to watch, books to read, chores I might want to tackle if the mood takes me, and this year, weather permitting, I am planning some long walks. But, fundamentally, I look on it as time for recharging my spiritual, mental and emotional batteries alongside celebrating the birth of Jesus, and all that the incarnation means.
[ 04. December 2016, 11:48: Message edited by: Japes ]
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Blog may or may not be of any interest.
Posts: 2013 | From: Somewhere in the middle | Registered: Dec 2003
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
This year, I'm abandoning Our Place to Father F***wit and his Romanisations (aka the Mish-Mash Mass), and attending a neighbouring church on Christmas morning. I and a friend have signed up for their post-Eucharistic Christmas lunch, open to all who would otherwise be alone. Some of the local street people may turn up as well, hopefully, though the Salvation Army (as you might expect) are also catering for the street peeps.
Christmas afternoon/evening, according to Plan A, will be spent quietly in the company of a good book, and a single malt...
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
This Christmas has to be better than last year, which I spent sleeping off the effects of a painkiller taken due to a knee injury.
I live alone, but often have Christmas with an old friend. When he lived in another city I used to spend Christmas by myself. One year I accepted an invitation to spend it with another friend, not realising she was spending it with another family. I felt really awkward, so after that I would be vague, or flat out lie if anyone invited me "because you can't spend Christmas alone".
I admitted this to an elderly cousin who liked the idea so much she did the same the following year.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
My sister and brother-in-law have said they're going to take me out to dinner, which is nice. I can't spend Christmas at their house because I don't get along with their children -- my niece and nephew (who are not really children -- they're both approaching middle age).
My nephew just out-and-out doesn't like me. I think I know why, but I don't care to discuss it with him.
Ironically, my niece is correct in her opinion of why we don't get along, but that in and of itself is not going to make me change my ways.
If they can't accept the fact that they have an eccentric old Uncle Alex (yes, I'll come out for purposes of this post) who is the way he is but is lovable all the same, then that's the way it's going to have to be.
Meanwhile, I have made plans to spend Christmas weekend in a place that gives me great pleasure, but I'll adjust them depending on when my sister wants to have dinner.
So (retreating back into my Ship persona) that's the way Miss Amanda is going to spend her Christmas.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Of course, what I should have put in my first post is that the first part of Christmas Day will be far from alone or lonely.
Christmas Day will dawn with me sitting on a bench in the organ loft. Midnight Mass usually finishes by around 1.15am, at which point I descend from the loft, greet various choir members, parishioners, etc, then make a choice to either (a) tidy away music from that service straight away and get out stuff for the morning services, or (b) leave the vestry less than tidy ![[Eek!]](eek.gif) and go home.
Christmas morning I'm back in the vestry by 9.30 at the latest (earlier if I took choice (b) above) and we have the Sunday School nativity play with carols - complete with real baby and, some years, a live donkey in church. After that I have around 15-20 minutes before the morning Eucharist with full choir, which takes just on an hour. Again, I can choose to tidy up straight after or go home: either way I'm home by 1pm and straight into a very large GIN.
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Abigail
Shipmate
# 1672
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Posted
There are two things that particularly make Christmas a lonely and difficult time for me.
Firstly, a feeling of guilt. While it's not my fault that I haven't got any family, I can't help feeling that if I was a nicer person I would have friends I could do things with and buy presents for and send cards to, and although I might choose to spend Christmas Day on my own it would be through choice not because I have no other option. I've never known how to make friends, i feel uncomfortable in all social situations and while this is the same all year round, at Christmas the sense of uselessness and hopelessness is particularly acute.
Secondly church. If the 'church side' of Christmas was OK i could cope with the rest. But it isn't. Before I became a churchgoer in my mid 30s I always assumed that Christmas was the 'big thing' in the church year. But it isn't - not at my church anyway. The Carol Service is specifically aimed at people who don't normally go to church (with lots of emphasis on inviting people along to the church's next Alpha course) and the Christmas morning service is a shortened, dumbed down service for people who want to get away as quickly as possible to spend time with their friends and families. For me, it's not helpful. I want to feel that I'm there to worship God and get some sense of the wonder of Christmas and what it means... But I don't. I just feel alienated and alone.
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The older I get the less I know.
Posts: 505 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Abigail
While I do not usually suggest picking of churches why don't you at Christmas?
Seriously, many people worship outside their usual congregation over Christmas either from necessity (visiting friends or relatives) or choice (it's amazing how many non-Catholics attend a Midnight Mass at the local RC). What you could do is see what congregations are putting on locally other than your own and then mix going to some of your own congregation's services along with one or two that attract you. I had a friend who while he attended the big Charismatic evangelical locally would also at festivals go to the high Anglican.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
It's certainly true that Christmas brings people to church who wouldn't otherwise be there; at most of the places I've been involved with, the congregation at Midnight Mass has been very different from the usual Sunday crowd.
I think Jengie has a point: if your own church's Christmas services really aren't your sort of thing, maybe trying somewhere else would work for you.
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Enjoying the quiet. Not really alone as Mr Image is home with me but we both tend to spend the day quietly doing our own thing. Family will have spent Christmas Eve with us which is always fun but drains all my energy now that I have been ill, so I look forward to a nice quiet Christmas day of reading, listening to music and sharing our make shift meal of left overs. I have not yet decided if a church service Christmas day is something I want to do.
[ 07. December 2016, 04:01: Message edited by: Graven Image ]
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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MaryLouise
Shipmate
# 18697
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Posted
I’m going to be spending Christmas Day alone because my housemate will be working and I have tactfully turned down a couple of invitations to be with large family gatherings. I might get to midnight Mass on Christmas Eve and then just spend Christmas Day reading and pottering around. It is ferociously hot out here in the Cape, so we’re not planning on having a traditional cooked meal (a relief). When my housemate gets back in the evening, we’ll sit out in the garden, have some smoked salmon and a Nigella Lawson salad involving cubed melon, black olives, pine nuts and fresh rocket, with a vinaigrette. And mercifully, that will be it until next year.
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“As regards plots I find real life no help at all. Real life seems to have no plots.”
-- Ivy Compton-Burnett
Posts: 646 | From: Cape Town | Registered: Nov 2016
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Lothlorien
Ship's Grandma
# 4927
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Posted
That smoked salmon sounds just my thing. A pity I am over here. Family lunch is Boxing Day and we are going to my niece's. The younger side of family will spend most of the day in her pool. Last year we were at Richmond Polo Grounds. We sat under some very old, very shady trees and the breeze was wonderful. Out of the shade the temperature was about 42 Celsius.
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Buy a bale. Help our Aussie rural communities and farmers. Another great cause needing support The High Country Patrol.
Posts: 9745 | From: girt by sea | Registered: Aug 2003
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Abigail
Shipmate
# 1672
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jengie jon:
Abigail
While I do not usually suggest picking of churches why don't you at Christmas? ...
Jengie
Yes, this is something I have done in the past. Two years ago I went to the Midnight Eucharist at St Paul's Cathedral on Christmas Eve - a good experience but the problem is catching the last bus home (which I did by the skin of my teeth) otherwise it would mean a walk of almost an hour - not really what I want to be doing in the early hours of Christmas morning so I probably won't do that again.
I've been to Christmas services at other more local churches too in the past and there are a couple of suitable ones within walking distance I could visit on Christmas Morning. But the word is 'visit'. I would just be a visitor. What I really want at Christmas is to go to a church where I feel I belong and at least know a few people.
However, I understand there will not be Communion at my church on Christmas morning this year ![[Frown]](frown.gif) - which has upset me - so I probably will go somewhere else.
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The older I get the less I know.
Posts: 505 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001
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Bishops Finger
Shipmate
# 5430
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Posted
Point taken re 'belonging', and already knowing a few people. However, visiting another church is still worth a try, especially if your priority is to receive Communion on Christmas Day.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
IJ
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Our words are giants when they do us an injury, and dwarfs when they do us a service. (Wilkie Collins)
Posts: 10151 | From: Behind The Wheel Again! | Registered: Jan 2004
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
I am not doing it at the moment, but for a number of years I spent Christmas (with my daughter), helping at a meal for people who were otherwise alone. Lots of people volunteer at Crisis for similar reasons and work shifts supporting over the Christmas holiday. I have come back and helped on the clean up squad before. That gets you into a group working together and invited to the Crisis parties and groups.
While we were helpers at this meal our Christmas was to help set up the tables on Christmas Eve, then I was almost certainly involved in the Crib Service and Midnight Mass (often setting it up), avoided the morning church service as we were then helping set up and cook at the hall where we were feeding people. Spent the day there helping, and walked home around 3pm to spend the evening sprawled in front of the TV with snacks, games and presents.
What we are doing now is going away and have spent Christmas in the most amazing places - not expensive, youth hostels, We spend Christmas exploring a new place, visit a new church, chat to whoever else is around. Last Christmas on Skye it was a mob of international photographers from Norway, Sweden and Switzerland plus someone who was stranded on Skye and couldn't get back to Harris as the area was swept by the series of storms we had last winter.
(I have difficult relatives.)
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Pangolin Guerre
Shipmate
# 18686
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Posted
I've spent a number of Christmases alone. The first time, when I was in finance, I had to work, running stress tests on a trading system. Feeling very mopey about this, I had laid in some wine, a cornish hen, some other stuff. I was so exhausted by the time I got home that all I had was a well rounded meal of Burgundy and Madeira.
Since then, since most of my friends are out of the city, I prepare in advance with the meal (common practice, here, it seems), a book, with luck there's an unsappy film on television. Church is for the night before.
I think that the key is remembering that Hallmark Christmases are poisonous fiction. My Christmas memories have been highly compromised by having had to suffer through them. I recommend the film The Ref. That'll fix ya. And remember, Christmas, too, shall pass.
Posts: 758 | From: 30 arpents de neige | Registered: Nov 2016
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
{{{{{Everyone so situated, including me}}}}}
Generally, I try to do something good (volunteer, donation, click to donate), then indulge myself (as preferred and possible).
Pangolin Guerre--yes, re "The Ref"! ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif) And an interesting role for Glynnis Johns--at least for those of us who know her as Mrs. Banks, from "Mary Poppins". There are often good movies and shows on TV, including some that are purposely not Christmassy. In the US, PBS has a lot of TV specials, and NPR the radio ones. You can catch many of them online.
I'm under the weather, and have had some emotional bad moments this weekend, but I'm getting some balance. TV, radio, computer games, making online snowflakes (also see the "Is it snowing?" thread in Heaven), etc.
IME and IMHO: please be wise about watching Christmas shows when depressed. Sometimes, they can help a bit; and others, they can make the depression much worse.
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Amanda B. Reckondwythe
Dressed for Church
# 5521
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Posted
Well, so far my escape to a place that gives me great pleasure (see upthread) has gone well, although the flight here was a flight conceived in a nightmare and born in hell. I'll spare you the details.
I'm going to church this morning and will MW the service. Later I'll hope that the place that gives me great pleasure will continue to do so for the rest of the day until my flight home tomorrow.
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"I take prayer too seriously to use it as an excuse for avoiding work and responsibility." -- The Revd Martin Luther King Jr.
Posts: 10542 | From: The Great Southwest | Registered: Feb 2004
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MaryLouise
Shipmate
# 18697
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Posted
Sitting reading volume 4 of Karl Ove Knausgaard's fictionalised memoir. We ate up the smoked salmon the other evening, so I am going to roast a small rack of lamb this evening, with peas, mint sauce and roast potatoes. Smeared Dijon mustard, chopped rosemary and garlic all over the lamb, decided against a herb crust.
Not a great day. Someone I don't know well posted on social media that he had just heard his youngest daughter had killed herself yesterday. He was in such shock that he kept posting, repeating himself and forgetting her name. I can't imagine what he must be going through. Because I'm home alone, I can't stop thinking about this and feeling helpless.
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“As regards plots I find real life no help at all. Real life seems to have no plots.”
-- Ivy Compton-Burnett
Posts: 646 | From: Cape Town | Registered: Nov 2016
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ArachnidinElmet
Shipmate
# 17346
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Posted
How terrible. Poor man.
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'If a pleasant, straight-forward life is not possible then one must try to wriggle through by subtle manoeuvres' - Kafka
Posts: 1887 | From: the rhubarb triangle | Registered: Sep 2012
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