And I agree -- wall-to-wall carpeting is a tool of the devil. Especially if you have cats. Anyone want any cats?
Phone friend.
Suggest pleasant evening at friend's house of gin-drinking.
Bribe friend with gin for use of spare room or sofa.
Problem solved and gin buzz attained.
HT
Optional: Allow cats to die of smell, as cats are vicious avatars of Satan.
I know what this will do to my standing in the eyes of the MW people, but I cannot tell a lie. I despise gin. Absolutely, positively loathe the stuff. I'd much rather drink kerosene than gin (though I imagine the taste is about the same).
Now. Give me a bottle of vodka, champagne or good cabernet sauvignon and I'm a happy camper.
I agree about the cat thing, though. I have always been a dog person. However, if you hold a blacklight to my forehead the word "sucker" will glow in bright neon green, so I'm stuck. No one wants to adopt adult cats, so I know if I take them to the shelter they'll be gassed inside of a week.
Where shall I send them?
quote:
Originally posted by Erin:
I despise gin.
I could say that that explains a lot. But I will just shake my head. This is hellish indeed.
Champagne will do, but you have to bring twice as much to bribe your friend AND achieve buzz.
How about bourbon. Erin seems like a bourbon sort of girl to me.
HT
The only true buzz comes from Sauza Commemorativo. Lightweight.
One of mine went walkabouts for a week and we were sure he'd had it. He came home, and now I am on a crusade to make sure they both stay inside - for good.
Problem is, how does one persuade outside cats that inside is the best place to be?
I agree though about them being extremely punctual alarm clocks (we couldn't distrupt their little routines now, could we?). Grrrr. Or maybe that should be: Rawrhhh.
No one owns a cat. The cat merely tolerates your presence.
She makes these little "brrooo, brroo" I'mplayingwithanundeadmouse sounds that just about raise my wife into the attic.
So after the mandatory "bwaaaaahhh" shriek and throwing all the covers off and waking me abruptly and unpleasantly and the cat looking offended, I was deputized to find the mouse.
I did. It was dead by then (the shriek probably did it in, and I imagine being dead was something of a relief), so I pitched it out the upstairs window into the neighbor's yard.
All the while, the dog continued to snore in the hall in the spot it stays in so much that it's rubbed a brown spot on the wallpaper.
There is far too much excitement in my life.
Molly (who is kept in at night - I'm not a fan of deceased wildlife 1st thing) was fidgety. Beloved being from home, I indulged her by letting her into the bedroom to curl up on the end of the bed. Slowly my feet began to get very warm and damp... If Erin thinks her carpet stinks, try tapestry bedspread saturated in cat piss.
But then she looks up at you, eyes two limpid green pools of utter vacuity (this is the cat here, not Erin) and you forgive her.
TWICE one of them has pissed into the orofice under the elements on the stove. Grrr. Disgusting.
UNTIL WE GOT THESE TWO!!
I don't know what it is but we can't let either of them anywhere near a bedroom without one of them soiling the duvet, shut one of them alone in the sitting room for two minutes and the sofa or chairs will be pissed on and to cap it all one of the little buggers pissed up the curtains last night whilst my daughter was in the room.
I recently discovered pink gin.
My house has rising damp.
DP
And now.
It's important to neuter toms before they start to spray... otherwise they get into the habit. Cats are on the whole fastidiously clean creatures and get very distressed by having to wee in prohibited areas. Occasional recidivism can be cured by a sharp yell, a smack across the head, and a nose rub in the offending evacuation.
Isn't it lucky I don't want children?
What is that smell?
These.
What are those?
Moth balls.
How big was the moth?
Alex
I did wonder, briefly, how Erin knew of such a masculine hygenic item, but then I thought to myself, "Naaaww! Best not to inquire too deeply into such matters."
Side note: it took ten years before I could eat there again.
And biscuits and gravy, especially from Clary's in Savannah, are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
quote:
That would be because I spent my high school years slogging away in a Subway, where I had to clean the men's bathroom on an hourly basis. What the hell do you guys do in there anyway?Side note: it took ten years before I could eat there again.
Why would you be eating in the men's bathroom ? On second thoughts I probably don't need to know.
Having read all of the above about the disgusting ways of cats, I have to say wouldn't put up with sny of this for a moment. If a member of any species relieved himself on my furnishings he would be OUT with a capital OW.
And Benedictus... it's been almost two years since I was last in Savannah. That is SAD, considering I am only two hours south.
We urinate.
Surely this is obvious?
Alex
And no, I don't want any more cats for now. Six is quite enough for a 1-BR. Take my advice and never get involved in rescue work or anyone associated with same!
quote:
Originally posted by Erin:
...I had to clean the men's bathroom on an hourly basis. What the hell do you guys do in there anyway?
quote:
Originally posted by Erin:
...I had to clean the men's bathroom on an hourly basis. What the hell do you guys do in there anyway?
Unfortunately, I can empathize all too well. I was literally willing to be fired rather than clean the men's rooms at Jones Beach (fortunately, I was put on a cushier--by near-minimum-wage summer job standards--assignment before it came to that).
Even nowadays at work, I'm occasionally made to wonder how men supposedly civilized enough to acquire a 9-to-5 job use the rest rooms they way they do. It's enough to make you hope degenerates are sneaking in off the street.
quote:
Originally posted by nicolemrw:
... what DO you guys do to cause it????
I cannot believe I am engaging in this conversation. This truly must be hell. How to put this delicately:
Might I suggest that, because males usually do not come in contact with the surface of the hygenic fixtures when engaged in emptying their bladders, that they are probably less concerned with the cleanliness of those fixtures?
And then, some guys just have a bad aim.
You all think cats are yucky???
And somehow....despite knowing this....I still married one...(a man, not a cat, that is...)
We ultimately took out the carpet (not wall-to-wall, mercifully) and dumped it on the back porch, then called the carpet cleaners to come and get it.
Female cats also spray, though it's rare. I had one who went out every day to mark the car tires, just like a male would. Thank heavens she never did it in the house.
As far as the males, the problem is that once one of them starts marking territory, it reminds the others, and even the neutered ones might revert.
When cats pee and shit on the furniture and beds, it means there is some sort of major problem. Unfortunately, not-quite-dead-small-animals-on-the-bed is a sign that they consider you part of the cat household and are willing to share the fun (and perhaps train you how to play properly, you slow-witted slob).
Nobody has complained about cats who run under your feet and trip you, including on the stairs!
Why are the public facilities for women always inadequate for the number of women attempting to use them? This is especially unfair because we don't have that thingie to squeeze while waiting in an interminable line.
Do only men piss in swimming pools? (posted sign: "We don't swim in your toilet. Don't piss in our pool."}
We women do of necessity (see above)sometimes frequent facilities designed for men. (Another sign I saw, this time over the urinals: "Please don't eat the Lifesavers")
Greta
Aahh. I'm looking at my youngest cat at the moment, flopped on its back asleep in the road-kill position. (The moment I saw it back up to a wall and start flurrying its tail, I made an appointment with the vet and since then it has been immaculately clean)
But to more important things like urinals. I can't understand why blokes don't have the common or garden water closet. It all seems very primal and uncivilised, not to mention embarrassing, to have to whip your privates out and piss up against the wall.
My male cat, who thinks he's a dog and likes to have his way with anything made of wool, was neutered at the tender age of four months and has never sprayed anything. My two females, on the other hand, who were spayed very early on as well, have evidently decided that by God some cat in this place needed to spray and if the worthless male isn't going to do it well then they'll just have to pick up the slack. One of them even tried to get me, once. And only once. I knocked her right off the bed and into the wall. I didn't see her for days after that.
Carmel, they would be out, except for the fact that I got each of these cats as a little tiny orphan. I had to nurse Simba (the male) from a bottle and teach him how to use the litter box. (And he's the only one I don't have trouble with. Interesting.)
You know this thread has made me realize just how much I HATE CATS.
[edited to make sense]
[ 02 November 2001: Message edited by: Erin ]
We've got six cats. Last week Jeff and I were sitting in the living room and heard a thunderous crash from the kitchen. Without raising his head from his book, Jeff said mildly, "No more cats." So I think six is our limit.
No spraying behavior here, although each and every adorable one has its own personality disorder. And we keep them primarily because they allow us the privilege of sleeping in the bed with them.
One once laid a notquitedeadmouse on my pillow one night. I woke up and its notquitedeadmousetail was twitching. Jeff scraped me off the ceiling and we disposed of it, which irritated the gift-giver no end.
Your problem (other than the lethal chemical molecules circulating in your apartment right now) is that you need three more cats to complete your set. Ultraspike and I have realized that a set of six achieves some sort of Universal Cat Harmonics.
I'm sure there's someone on board who could contribute to your collection.
~Beth
PS The stench will take forever to go away. Do you have vacation time accrued?
Fleas.
Worms.
Parasites.
Hairs.
Smell.
Spraying.
Destruction of furniture.
Inability to use a tin opener.
Unpleasant little "gifts".
Anti-social behaviour towards guests (cats seem to love to leap up on you, claws out, while you are holding a cup of tea, and dogs like to shove their noses in your crotch).
And unlike children, you can't put your cat into nappies, and it doesn't grow out of it, and it won't eventually listen to reason.
I like fish. And if my landlord let me, that's what I'd have.
I understand that they are de-odorisers, but where do they 'hang'? Are they attrached to the urinal? Do they afford target practise? Are they plopped into the water?
bb
Now I like Barney Cat (so named because we had Fred), aka Barnabas Beastly, more than anyone else in the Goth household (likes him). He is too soft (and fat?) to kill anything big (squirels - ha!). He did kill a small bird once, but didn't bring it inside. He is very clean, and the only unpleasant fluid he has got on me recently is blood, due to my son pulling the fur (and skin) off the end of his tail. Poor beast - he has it hard some days from my three-year old!
[fixed your "because" Alaric, in spite of your insults]
[ 02 November 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]
Quote: "Fleas.
Worms.
Parasites.
Hairs.
Smell.
Spraying.
Destruction of furniture.
Inability to use a tin opener.
Unpleasant little "gifts".
Anti-social behaviour towards guests . . "
Good grief! You've described most of my boyfirends!
Greta
Clearly you have lived a sheltered life. The "cakes" are right down there with the water and other stuff (urine, gum, cigarette buts, pencils, algae, fungi, flotsam and jetsam).
I'm no expert, but the "cakes" I have seen look like a 4" Lifesaver {you do have Lifesaver candy in the U.K. I assume). Thus they don't flush down the drain. In fact the flush probably overflows due to all the debris mentioned above, and I think most men don't flush anyway.
Greta
bb
quote:
Originally posted by Carmel:
And unlike children, you can't put your cat into nappies, and it doesn't grow out of it, and it won't eventually listen to reason.
Ah, but also unlike children, when you have been sufficiently amused by it, you can dump it out the door without the Social Services coming round.
--------------------------------------------
and corgigreta...try auto racing for short lines for women...watching long lines of men waiting for the bathroom after consuming enormous quantities of cheap beer is almost as much fun as watching cars go around and around and around and around.
carmel...you forgot muddy pawprints all over the cars and the whiners.
babybear, the urinals in the UK and Europe seem to be the more "individual" ones where you get your own basin. (As an aside, the ones in Sweden are placed quite high up; even I at about 1.8m just made it!) They have small "cakes", 5 or so cm. The bottom has slits rather than an open tube.
Most in Oz and in Canada I have used are giant metallic things which span metres. These are where you'd get the bigger cakes. I still remember the expression of a girl at school who entered the men's bathroom on a dare: "Oh my god! There's a huge metal thing along the wall!!!"
Increasingly they seem to be being replaced with "intelligent" urinals that flush detergent or something with the water. One particularly "intelligent" urinal I used in San Francisco proudly announced it did not use water or anything, but rather had some form of liquid in the drain that broke down the waste for maximum water-saving efficiency and hygiene!
Admiral H.
Erin, has the situation improved at all?
Admiral H.
quote:
Originally posted by CorgiGreta:
Some random thoughts:Why are the public facilities for women always inadequate for the number of women attempting to use them? This is especially unfair because we don't have that thingie to squeeze while waiting in an interminable line.
....
Before Denver built its new football stadium, the lines in the women's rooms were notoriously long. Several years ago, they almost had a riot during a game when some women, tired of waiting in line, stormed one of the mens rooms, blocked the entrance door so that no more men could get in, ran the men out, and proceeded to turn it into an ad hoc extra facility.
They became known as the Urinal Nazis, and the Denver TV stations reported it as the lead story for several days running. Of course the men complained, and for subsequent games, they had to post armed Denver cops at the doors of all the men's rooms at Mile High Stadium to protect the men from cranky women with full bladders.
Similarly, when they were building Denver International Airport some years ago, there was talk of installing a patented urinal for women in all the ladies rooms. From descriptions in the press, it resembled the "Mr. Thirsty" appliance at the Dentist's office--only Larger.
Needless to say, that idea didn't work any better than United Airlines automated baggage handling system that delayed the opening of the airport by two years.
Strange thing about Hong Kong - full of these shining malls, dripping in designer shops, the ultimate in wealth, display, consumer heaven - and the loos are not particularly spacious or comfortable (frequently squatties) or even outstandingly clean. One thing I learnt was always carry bundles of tissues - oh, that and the Cantonese for 'Where is the toilet?'
I never should have had carpeting, but my combination bedroom/office always was difficult to keep warm, so my dad put down some carpeting for me some years ago. Leonora, my cat, has been angry with me recently because I have been spending time at the computer rather than doing better things (such as stroking her) and has used the area under the desk for her own private latrine.
I have tried everything, and the damn pee is soaked through. (She also did worse than pee...) I'm getting ready to cut out that part of the carpet, awful though it would look to have just a spot of bare floor...
Sprinkle the Sodium bicarb on the carpet and leave for two days, then hoover. You could also try having bowls of the stuff around the area. Also orange peel is said be avoided by cats.
The sodium bicarb is very good for 'spillage' from children too!
bb
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
One thing I learnt was always carry bundles of tissues - oh, that and the Cantonese for 'Where is the toilet?'
But could you understand the answer?
Moo
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
Before you do that, have you tired Sodium Bicarb? I don't know if it would be enough to remove the smell, but it might be worth a try.
I used to use white vinegar to clean up after my dog. Vinegar is acidic, and urine is alkaline. The vinegar counteracts the urine.
Moo
bb -- lifesavers are the same shape as Polo Mints. However, I (unlike Greta) have never seen a urinal cake in that shape. One wonders from where Greta gained this knowledge?
Urinal cakes are generally cylindrical cakes of waxy substance in shocking yellow, pink or blue. Occasionally they are rather small and one might find several per urinal. generally they are 3 or so inches across and one would expect one per.
Urinals in this country are generally individual, and either extend to the floor or else hang on the wall like an unattractive post-modern garden fountain. The "cake" sits in the bottom, or basin, where there may or may not be water, but genrally is urine from the previous user.
In England you may find the same sort of urinals, or you may find the stainless steel models that the Admiral describes. These look like some sort of trough for feeding animals, and generally drain to one central pipe, which means if several people are using one there is a sort of stream of... well, you know what, running down the length of it. You will generally find the stainless steel model in country pubs of a certain vintage, night clubs, and sometimes old cinemas.
A note on pronunciation. In American English "urinal" is pronounced with the accent on the first sylable, and the "i" is short, as in "virginal". In proper English, the accent is on the second syllable, which is also a long "i", hence "ur-EYE-nal".
Aren't you glad you asked?
Didactic Urinals
Am I the only one who finds little messages (usually along the lines of "Don't Do Drugs") on the mat on which the urine cake rests to be just kind of weird? Do they have moralistic messages in Brit urinals or is this an American thing only?
From this
(Ferndale, MI -- December 11, 2000) Men visiting the restroom at area bars and restaurants can look down for a safe sex message courtesy of the Midwest AIDS Prevention Project (MAPP). The non-profit HIV education organization has distributed thousands of urinal mats printed with the message, “Man’s Other Best Friend. Play Safe. Use a Condom.”
The mats were distributed free to dozens of bars and restaurants in Michigan as part of a project funded by the Michigan Department of Community Health.
And here is a photo of a (CLEAN) Didactic Urinal.
HT, a very good explanation. Does anyone else have the irrational fear when you stand on the metal over the trough that it might collapse and your shoes will splash in the ... ?
Admiral H.
I find this thread absolutely amazing, and upon reflection, am embarassed by my contributions to it.
Somebody? Anybody?
But all this leads me to conclude that I prefer the arrangements for women, but wish there were more of them.
bb
Perhaps it's the fascination with that which cannot be said in polite society...a chance to talk about what we have never talked about before.
I too am a bit shocked reading what I have written and imagining friends reading it. 
Admiral H.
Just this once, I shall descend to join in toilet talk. Once, I put on my best clothes and walked through Harrods... one outfit there, of course, would cost enough to clothe me for a year, but I thought it would be fun. The charade did not work. No sales assistant mistook me for a true customer. I drowned my sorrows by paying a pound for the privilege of peeing... such extravagance.
Of course, with the possible exception of Germans, the English are indeed the most likely on earth to find toilet speech acceptable. One dear friend of mine, who is a priest, often leaves a conversation before the main Eucharist, un-self-consciously saying he has to go to the loo. Once, he replaced that usual line with referring to this as "taking a seat at the throne of mercy." I'll never be able to hear certain passages from the Scriptures again without thinking of that...
What is your apartment like now?
Moo
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
I find this thread absolutely amazing, and upon reflection, am embarassed by my contributions to it.
Oh please don't be! And that goes for the Admiral as well.
For a lot of women this is knowledge that could not have been gotten from other sources. Thank you to all the men who have explained things. You have done so in a clear and unembarassing way.
I believe that India is even more interested in bowel movements than any other nation. But that information was from the "Goodness Gracious me" team, and they might just have been pulling our legs.
bb
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
ErinWhat is your apartment like now?
Moo
Still smells like industrial strength disinfectant, but at least it's dispersed enough that I don't feel it permeating my skin. I'm still tempted to cook a dozen heads of garlic just to counter the hospital-like atmosphere.
quote:
Originally posted by Newman's Own:
Just this once, I shall descend to join in toilet talk. Once, I put on my best clothes and walked through Harrods... I drowned my sorrows by paying a pound for the privilege of peeing... such extravagance.
If you go upstairs, it's free. They only charge on the ground floor, because so many people come in, never buy anything, use the loo and leave.
Or so I'm told.
Better still, go somewhere else.
Angel
Moo
Savannah is about a 6 hour drive for me. Could be arranged.
i don't see anything wrong with the discussion of urinals. in fact, the reason why i didn't ask any questions myself was because i already had almost this identical conversation on another discussion board, a few years ago. i think many women are curious about this sort of thing, but would never ask face-to-face, so an internet discussion like this with people we feel comfortable with, yet not in person, serves a valuble function.
I'll bet both of you rate Fatal Attraction as one of your favorite movies ever...
quote:
Originally posted by Carmel:
If you go upstairs, it's free. They only charge on the ground floor, because so many people come in, never buy anything, use the loo and leave.Or so I'm told.
Better still, go somewhere else.
Like Harvey Nicks just 'round the corner where the loos are free and come complete with attendent and lots of free perfume and handcream (an added bonus for an excema sufferer). They're located on the scarily posh ladies designer clothes floor, but I've wandered through there at my scruffiest and no-one gives a damn - just look arrogant like you own the place and they think you're a Slone gel, and no-one can tell the difference between designer and high-street store jeans anyway...
quote:
Originally posted by Benedictus:
what you will get is boiling the cats on the stove, with lemon, garlic, and onion. Perhaps you should try it with chicken.
I believe in parts of Virginia this is known as Brunswick stew.
Yup, the old "snout in the crotch" lark is the best thing about owning a dog and one of the few real pleasures left in life.
It does not contain lemon or garlic.
Moo
For the piece de resistence, pour stew over urine cakes and serve warm.
Greta
Greta
All you need is to fry the onions in butter and cinnamon to perfume the air and kill odors.
Boiling the cats would create an additional bad smell.
The reason that women don't have sufficient bathroom facilities is because architectural standards are designed by men, and they think that equal floor space means equal facilities, and it has never occurred to them (even after numerous women have pointed it out) that you can fit more urinals in a given space than you can fit toilet stalls, and that it takes less time to unzip and piss than it does to undo the layers of formal women's wear (including panty hose), not to mention getting it all back in order.
Not to mention that women have other reasons to use the toilet stalls. Not to mention that I have read articles about this problem in architectural publications. The guys still don't get it.
Bottom line -- public restrooms are designed by men and they are TOTALLY CLUELESS.
(I and my sister have both worked in architectural design offices, and I worked as an engineer on construction sites. I'm talking from experience here. Don't get me started on kitchens in residential projects!)
Chat Brunswick Avec Les Gateaux Des Pissoirs.
Greta
quote:
Originally posted by Joan the Dwarf:
Like Harvey Nicks just 'round the corner where the loos are free and come complete with attendent and lots of free perfume and handcream (an added bonus for an excema sufferer).
If you can handle these, you're lucky. The penalty for my touching anything like this is
a week of skin like fire, and people avoiding you in the street.
And jlg is absolutely right, both about the space given to facilities and also to kitchens. I am fed up with encountering kitchens that are clearly designed for a midget with extremely long arms and a telescopic neck.
quote:
Originally posted by jlg:
Bottom line -- public restrooms are designed by men and they are TOTALLY CLUELESS.
they can't ALL be designed by men...
the 'wash-basin' in the mens' loos at the student union here in manchester looks like a huge circular metalic urinal. many drunk students (and some not so drunk) have made the mistake of peeing in it. any man would've known that that's a really daft shaped wash-basin for a male toilet. hell, i almost made the mistake of going in it when they built it.
oh, and "bottom line"... was that supposed to be a really bad pun?
Glad you reminded me about Harrods, Carmel (not that I'd ever be able to really shop there, but it's a nice place to stroll on days when I'm indulging my addiction to the V&A). But I must say that, in my frugal life, it is nice to know I blew an entire pound just for a high class piss!
quote:
Originally posted by Newman's Own:
it is nice to know I blew an entire pound just for a high class piss!
What do you mean? Does it cost money to enter the shop, or to use the toilet?
I have no idea whether the stories relate to male or female toilets though. I might have a guess.
Erin...I thought that 'urinal cake' referred to soap!
They couldn't believe that it was a drinking fountain on the wall.
Have any of the ladies amongst us ever encountered the "squat and squirt" type "facilities?" Especially awkward if you're wearing jeans....worse, ski-gear (Cervinia, 1983)....how do you keep your balance whilst clutching on to your straps with one hand to prevent them falling into the cesspit below?
Any suggestions gratefully received.
(and to think that I only logged on to get some material for a bible study)....
Damn. I've posted yet again on this miserable thread....
It was a very difficult situation for me. I was trying desperately hard not to guffaw.
bb
so thats one we owe the urinal.
Sieg
[I heard that in the US there are toilets available that can be pre-programmed to flush so that one doesn't need to do so on the Sabbath. And that in Germany, there are toilets with little ledges that catch the bodily evacuations (rather than them plopping in the water), that then hinge downwards and drop their burdens with no splash].
quote:
Originally posted by Sibling Coot:
Can someone elaborate on the flush-you-out toilet? Are we talking a common or garden water-closet (porcelain throne) that has its floor sluiced as well?[I heard that in the US there are toilets available that can be pre-programmed to flush so that one doesn't need to do so on the Sabbath. And that in Germany, there are toilets with little ledges that catch the bodily evacuations (rather than them plopping in the water), that then hinge downwards and drop their burdens with no splash].
(I tried to get the mad near Shirley porters superloos - that's their name, but it slipped down to the end :mad
[/frin's helpful host moment] :D
quote:
Originally posted by daisymay:
The London flush-you-out loos are rumoured to flush the whole interior, ceilings and all. And they are timed, so if you stay there too long..
As I understand it the superloo as they are called do indeed chuck you out if you have been in to long (approx 20 minutes). This is to stop homeless people sleeping in them. They also have sensors in the floor so they can tell if someone in the loo and so should not do the wash cycle while you are in residence (unless you are a very light person - this is why small children should not use the loo).
quote:
Originally posted by Stooberry:
they can't ALL be designed by men...the 'wash-basin' in the mens' loos at the student union here in manchester looks like a huge circular metalic urinal. many drunk students (and some not so drunk) have made the mistake of peeing in it. any man would've known that that's a really daft shaped wash-basin for a male toilet. hell, i almost made the mistake of going in it when they built it.
oh, and "bottom line"... was that supposed to be a really bad pun?
Sorry about the unintended pun. 
But I remember the washbasin you describe from the supplier catalogs I browsed back when I was a junior flunky draftsman in an architect's office, back around 1971 perhaps, and the design was nothing new even then. Since my 1974 engineering degree made me part of the female engineer population which was something like 1 to 3% of all engineers, the odds are extremely high that the washbasin (and all the various urinals) were designed by men.
But I always understood that they were installed in institutional locker rooms (large school gyms, factories, and the like), so the assumption was that they would be used by men sober enough to know where they were and what they were doing! I'm not sure exactly what the manchester student union is, but if they provide facilities for huge crowds of males to wash up and also provide alcohol in the same place....remind me not to go there!
quote:
Originally posted by Nunc Dimittis:
The ones in Sydney certainly flush you out - water jets from the ceiling so the whole place is washed out.
I was always scared to use one, incase I got locked in and it washed me away. I feel embarrassed now, and probably shouldn't have shared that!
So anyway, for Britishers, think Polo, but presumably Lifesavers are so named after the classic ring-shaped buoyancy aid you get at riversides and on ships etc?
Ian
Anyway, the only place where I have seen a much larger women's than men's toilet is John Lewis in Kingston, Surrey, where there are rows of cubicles for women (so my wife tells me!) and only two for men with three urinals. Too much information yet?
Ian
BTW do any other shipmates have a 'golden chain' awards system in operation when they pay a visit?
'frin
I remember laughing out loud at the graffiti written on one such dispenser. It read "caution...this chewing gum tastes like rubber!"
This woman told of when she was a girl in 1950s Leeds, living in 'notorious' flats ('apartments' for our American friends). For some reason, she and her friends knew one area of the building as 'the fairy grotto'. They KNEW the fairies went there every night because they kindly left money and 'fairy' balloons strewn around! The girl and her friends would BLOW UP said balloons...
Now, when she remainds her sisters of this activity, they claim not to have been involved!
I will brush up my muay thai kickboxing techniques next time I'm in a cubicle.
Can someone help me here? I mean the part of the body that comes in contact with the seat is your thigh, right? And most of us know if we have an open cut or sore on our thighs, which might be a reason for not sitting. But the part that, err, counts is hanging out there in the open air, over the water and not coming in contact with anything, regardless of your gender.
So, please, enlighten me if there is the rational reason for this phobia
quote:
Originally posted by Ann:
Things may be looking up[/URL].
Strange how the connection of "Looking up" and toilets does not seem like a positive development.
quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
I heard.. that in Germany, there are toilets with little ledges that catch the bodily evacuations (rather than them plopping in the water), that then hinge downwards and drop their burdens with no splash
quote:
Originally posted by daisymay:
I think the german ones jsut reverse the common british slope as seen in loo pottery - and flush less vertically. You get them like that in UK now.
No, Coot is largely right, it is a horizontal platform (also known as a continental shelf) but it doesnt hinge, it's just part of the porcelain. The strength of the flush is supposed to be enough to push the contents off the shelf and down into the drain. But sometimes you can be unlucky.
I think the idea is that you can then inspect what you've just produced but I find it a hideous idea. It is not just Germany by the way, you can find them in several other European countries. Fortunately they seem to be getting less and less common here.
love Ags 
Sieg
The important thing is to wash your hands.
Love Ags
And on a related note, why do those self-flushing toilets always seem to flush themselves just as you're entering the stall and then when you're ready to leave they just sit there? I always have to push the flush button myself.
quote:
Originally posted by Ultraspike:
There's also the urban myth about poisonous spiders that are lurking under toilet rims waiting for a nice juicy bit of flesh to sink their teeth into.
Not an urban myth originally - can't remember which sort, but they were killers in the Australian and US outback privvies for many many years.
Greta
quote:
Originally posted by Ultraspike:
There's also the urban myth about poisonous spiders that are lurking under toilet rims waiting for a nice juicy bit of flesh to sink their teeth into.
My husband grew up without indoor plumbing, and there was frequently a black widow spider living in the outhouse. It stayed high up on the wall and never came near the seat. Still, he was terrified.
Moo
I can't believe this thread has attracted so many postings in just three short weeks.
quote:I'll hazard a guess on this one, that the toilets are designed so that as you enter the result of the previous person's communication with nature is flushed away, this being a feature not a bug!
Originally posted by Ultraspike:
And on a related note, why do those self-flushing toilets always seem to flush themselves just as you're entering the stall and then when you're ready to leave they just sit there? I always have to push the flush button myself.
quote:
The Japanese manufacture a toilet seat wherewith one pushes a button and a tube-like device emerges from the rear of the toilet below the seat and shoots a stream of water at the user's rear.
Greta
I saw a TV show on these toilets. Apparently there are designs, which after they have jet sprayed the user's rear with (warm) water, they emit hot air to dry it all... (I would have said, blow dried - but that no doubt would immediately be siezed upon by the dirty minded amongst us.
I think this thread has been fascinatingly popular, because we ALL have to at least go into bathrooms, and most of us need to use the amenities provided. Clean amenities are very important, and I know people are fascinated when they come across a new version of what they're used to. My Mum had an obsession with pink toilets. Our house was built in the 1960s and so has bathroom decor in hideous colours - like dove grey, pink, lime green and pale blue. In our case the toilet was pink, and was cracked in several places due to age. She spent months combing demolition sites looking for pink loos. Apparently the only place you can still get them is the US.
When she got over to San Francisco, she sent me a letter with a picture of a loo enclosed describing the differences. I couldn't believe it!!!
We still have a cracked pink loo sitting in the back yard. I thought I might plant strawberries in it or something...
BTW someone posted a link to urinal etiquette - I scored very well! ('cept the last one) But figure it is a similar sort of behaviour as in a doctors surgery.
Maddie
Smellypoop.com -- Facts on Poop
With special attention to the section:
What happens when I'm at work and have to poop?
[edited to fix URL]
[ 20 November 2001: Message edited by: Laura ]
Where do you want us to send the Prize?
(And no, David, this does not mean that you need to raise the bar.)
Quote: "We still have a cracked pink loo sitting in the back yard. I thought I might plant strawberries in it or something..."
You could use those strawberries in a lovely holiday triffle, but perhaps not disclose their origin to your guests.
Greta
--------------------
Naturally, the boys had "to go," so they approached the large public restroom on the beach.
I was appalled that my sister was going to even let them enter the men's side (littered with condoms), so we checked that the women's side was empty and made the boys go in there. One called out, "Mom, there's poop on the seat!"
My immediate Agony Aunt instinct (which I gave vent to), was to scream "Don't touch anything!" Everyone but me burst into loud laughter!
Needless to say my sister (and my nephews) thought I was out of my mind... but you have to remember where we were.
Sieg
quote:
Originally posted by Nunc_Dimittis:
???? of what, Sieg?
[coughs slightly] Erm, I think Siegfried is referring to the front page of
www.ship-of-fools.com, which I believe is quite an internet magazine, with lots of articles about the interface between Christianity and the real world, and also to which these boards may be related.
bb
I cannot believe that out of the ten billion threads on this bulletin board, this is the most interesting. That is just PATHETIC.
quote:
Originally posted by Erin:
I cannot believe that out of the ten billion threads on this bulletin board, this is the most interesting. That is just PATHETIC.
You ought to know by now where most shipmates' minds are.
Moo
1. Nobody else in bathroom.
2. Nobody in bathroom when you enter, once you are already in your cubical someone else comes into the next door cubical. You leave before they do.
3. Someone is in the cubical when you arrive. You enter other cubical and they complete their business before you have to leave.
4. You come into the bathroom and into a cubical whilst someone is using the washbasin mirror area for various hygiene / vanity reasons.
5. You enter bathroom simultaneously to someone else, and both go into a cubical. This is disastrous. Neither of you is able to pee.
Contributing negative factors can include: eye contact with other person, the other person being a student to whom you have recently given a low mark (or your head of department), urgency with which you need to go, queue of people waiting to use facilities after you.
Mitigating factors can include: other people chatting in the room.
Distracting tactics are limited, but may include rustling of toilet paper, or, if you are feeling brave, stating up of a casual conversation with the other waiting would be pee-er (if you know them – risky but can be a successful tactic). If all else fails, and the other person refuses to leave before you, then the only option is to admit defeat gracefully and try to carry off a “I only needed a sit down and a break from the office” look.
Any helpful advice or recommendations gratefully received.
clare
bb
Try dropping a couple of sheets of loo roll down beforehand to drown the noise.
Or....put your fingers in your ears, then you can't hear yourself, (yes, I have done this...poor sad creature that I am)
Your observations remind me so much of those of Ben Elton back in the 80's....ecept that his were....errr...shall we say slightly more 'basic!'
my own top tip for life in general has proved a lifesaver in many situations when the toilets just don't smell that good. just take a few sheets of toilet paper (or a whole roll if you're travelling in asia and are happily equipted) and cover over your nose and mouth. breathe through them . better than a air freshner!
clare
Love Ags
And what I would really like to know is who it is in our office who regularly eats sandwiches in the toilet and dumps unwanted tomato slices in the disposal bin. How anyone can bring themselves to eat in there is a complete mystery to me. Or why.
Sieg
quote:
Originally posted by Carmel:
How anyone can bring themselves to eat in there is a complete mystery to me. Or why.
Before the days of "Parents and Babies" room, breastfeeding mothers were expected to feed their babies in toilets! Thankfully such days have gone.
bb
It's a little gross, but when someone forwarded it to me, I laughed out loud at some of it, because it's so true -- how you can't poop if someone's already in another stall, and how you search for under-used bathrooms, etcetera.
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. ... Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
There's an Uncle Ted at our office who spends about thirty minutes per visit, blocking one sink to do makeup, tooth brushing, hair brush and spray. When I do a Fly-by, I always leave if she's there.
what gets me, and i've seen this with my brothers, my father, and my husband, is that men take so LONG in the bathroom if they are doing anything other than just peeing. my mother had the theory that since most of the time they were just standing, when they did get to sit down, they settled in for awhile to make up for it...
Greta
[corrected spelling]
[ 22 November 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]
Toilet cisterns in UK contain a complicated siphonage arrangemnt. A brisk press on the handle causes a piston to force water into the siphon, whereupon natural law causes the tank to empty where it will do most good!
On a trip to USA, I was kept awake in my hotel room by the sound of trickling water. Investigations showed that this was coming from the toilet. Another flush didn't cure the problem, so I looked inside the cistern. There was nothing there - just a tank full of water and a little rubber flap connected to the handle! The problem was that the flap was slightly twisted and was not sitting flat. A swift prod with a coathanger liberated from the wardrobe fixed it.
I have had the same problem in other hotel rooms on other trips across the herring pond, and have always found the same thing. I have not liked to investigate domestic USA plumbing on the rare occasions when I have been in a house!
So - is the 'flap' technology universal in the USA and Canada; or indeed in other parts of the world. If so - why? The UK siphon is far more complicated (and, no doubt, expensive!) but it cannot waste water - once the tank is empty, it takes another push on the handle to restart the action. Conversely, a faulty flap could waste water for hours/days.
Any comments greatfully received - if only so I could start to ponder something else. Perhaps I could start to wonder why USA public urinals have manual flushes whereas UK ones are automatic? There I go again! Help!
If you jiggle the handle on the toilet it will usually stop running.
Moo
On the other hand, the UK method sounds absolutely terrifying. I had occasion recently to experience a British flushing device first hand (as it were) when I flew to Italy on British Airways.
During the night, I had occasion to make use of the, er, facilities, and after I was done, I pushed the little button and nothing happened.
Well, I pushed the button again. Still nothing. So I stood up, pulled myself together, and washed up, then closed the lid of the toilet, figuring I would tell the flight attendant that their loo was busted.
Then, the moment the lid dropped, there was this explosive popping noise and the air pressure in the toilet dropped. I actually felt my skin puffing out.
It was unnerving. Evidently, when the lid is closed, instead of blue water gently flushing the waste away, the pipe opens to the outside and the air-pressure difference between 45,000 feet and the plane cabin blasts the poop to oblivion. I know this for a fact because I experimented several times, only stopping because I was afraid the toilet was going to suck all the air out of the plane and people would complain.
We were flying over Iceland at the time. I pity the poor souls in Rekyavik. I hope they take precautions.
If the water siphons in the UK behave any way similar to their BA cousins, I will earnestly avoid British toilets in the future.
[ 24 November 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]
Moo - I have tried that trick - several times on each occasion - but it has rarely worked for me. Thank heavens for coat-hangers!
Clare: re. bashful bladders: I remember my sister being told "Think of Niagara Falls!" I believe it worked (unlike "Visualize World Peace.")
you and me after dark,
goosing statues in the park.
if shermans horse can take it, so can you.
passengers please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is in the station.
i love you.
quote:
Originally posted by nicolemrw:
passengers please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is in the station.
i love you.
Ah yes - When the train is in the station,
Please refrain from urination!
IN the meantime, let us all think about why this is one of the most popular discussion on a website devoted to Christian Unreat? Hmmm. The Gospel of Christ in the Urinal? Just what would that be?
I'm not sure if it is a feature of older toilets, but toilets here have a central column with a rubber seal on it which rises (and lowers on release) when the button is pressed, this opens a drainage hole and the stored water in the cistern flushes down to the bowl. There is also a float on an arm sitting on the surface of the water which controls the water flowing into the cistern, once the float reaches a certain level, it mechanically shuts off the flow of water into the cistern.
quote:
Originally posted by nicolemrw:
passengers please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is in the station.
i love you.
This is sung to the tune of "Humoresque". The first line goes,
Passengers will please refrain...
There are more words, but I will spare you.
Moo
And yes - I do realise that the water is clean! It's just that at 02:00 am (the time when the sound seems to wake me) I have no desire to awaken even further by plunging my arm up to the elbow in cold water!!
Besides - some of these cisterns have chemical blocks in them (disinfectant, presumeably) which also rather puts me off skin contact!
and speaking of fathers and toilets...mine never said he was going to make a phone call (didn't sing strange songs about goosing statues either). he said he was going to see a man about a horse...i must've been 8 or so before i figured it out. what a disappointment.
listen! listen!
the cats pissin'!
where? where?
under the chair!
run, run,
get the gun.
oops, to late,
he's already done.
Hasten, Jason
Fetch a basin.
Too late! Stop.
Fetch a mop.
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle
Please be neat and wipe the seat."
here's for those w/septic tanks instead of city plumbing...i prop it on the tank when we have city guests:
city living's not like town
nothing solid should go down.
(we have had to explain what "solid" entails...from now on, maybe i'll just refer guests to this site)
country living's not like town
nothing solid should go down.
you can take the gal outta the city,
but you can't take the city outta the gal!
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
This is sung to the tune of "Humoresque". The first line goes,Passengers will please refrain...
There are more words, but I will spare you.
Moo
I will not spare you. Inquiring minds must know. Here's the whole thing (cue Dvorak)
Passengers will please refrain
from flushing toilets while the train
is standing in the station
I love you.(filler)
Or the people passing by
will see what's come from your inside
and gripe about the mess
upon their shoes!
[ 26 November 2001: Message edited by: Laura ]
Of course, to the untutored guest, it only appears that there is a very long spoon in the bathroom, and clearly out there for a purpose, but not one that anyone can think of. This was the occasion for intense and sustained hilarity when I came downstairs after first using it after they began placing the spoon there (I had not been aware of the flap problem) and said that the new cabinet looked very nice (recently installed) but then said,
"And the spoon is for.....?"
I mean, what could it be? Constipation assistance? A little cooking over the radiator? I have to add that this Thanksgiving, they seem to have replaced the spoon with a chopstick, but I still get giggle fits when I see it there, even though I know very well, now, why it's there.
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
a new, patent-pending flushing device that I intend to install on our downstairs demon-possessed toilet--if my mother-in-law ever vacates the premises, that is.
Don't you?
quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
...a new, patent-pending flushing device that I intend to install on our downstairs demon-possessed toilet--if my mother-in-law ever vacates the premises, that is.
quote:
ChastMastr replied:
Erm... you do mean "vacates your place of residence," not "vacates the downstairs toilet," don't you?Don't you?
Well, of course I do! Though, if truth be told, I am discovering depths of terror that I didn't know I had after my terrible experiences in/on that British Airways loo.
I am suddenly beginning to realize just why small children become so traumatized by toilet training. That atavistic fear of being flushed into the sewer....
So your post, David, raised these horrific images of my mother-in-law vacating....
Oh, never mind.
We had very basic facilities - like a shovel. My favourite story is when another woman and I trotted off round the corner away from the truck and I was in the middle of er well... and this boy came up to us and stood in front of me and watched me!! Once I had finished he wandered down the road and stood staring at the group. I do wonder if he talks about me still though!
I have few inhibitions now!
Maddie
Oh the joy of being allowed to be alone in the bathroom.
bb
After interesting diversions, I still wondered!
quote:
Originally posted by Maddie:
The time has come for me to tell a nice little story of when I was on holiday in Ethiopia - a basic holiday, camping around the highlands.
I didn't know you'd been to Ethiopia, but I'm glad someone else came up with the concept as I have many, many stories...
for example in East Africa it is common for your host to ask you "haja kubwa au haja ndogo?" ("big need or small need", you work it out) and then direct you to either a screened-off place with some obviously well-fertilised (mossy!) stones, or a pit latrine, depending.
stories about pit latrines... hmmm. a colleague investigating mosquito breeding sites... hmm... how strong are your stomachs?
quote:
Originally posted by Ultraspike:
Have we finally exhausted this subject? I'm now wondering if there's anyone out there who has actually trained their cat to use a human toilet. I've heard it can be done but have never been brave enough to try it. I had an iguana for about five years and I trained him to go in the bathtub. (Actually he just started doing it on his own.) I've often wondered why dogs can't be trained to do that. That's a big reason I prefer cats, not having to walk them twice a day.
Oh, for heaven's sake, spike, if you're squeamish, don't read about scatology.
But tell me more about your auto-eliminatory porcelain-loving lizard.... Inquiring minds want to know....
But Iggy liked dry cat food and that was his downfall. I didn't know they were not suppose to have any meat. They're strictly vegetarian so it did something to his intestines and he died a rather horrible death which I won't describe here. I don't recommend having iguanas as pets, by the way. They usually don't live very long in captivity unless the environment is just right.
Medical science at the time could not offer much help: Great attention is lavished on the condition of the king's stools, and particularly their color. The king performs royally upon the pot, but, as a doctor observes sadly, "One may produce a copious, regular evacuation every day of the week and still be a stranger to reason." (Future historians were able to deduce from the medical records that George's mental state was caused by porphyria, a metabolic imbalance.)
on a sadder note...my cat, murphy, has been gone for more than a week. we fear the worst. i feel i must repent of the 'orrible things i said about cats earlier in this post...i remember so well how my daughter used to stuff him into the second floor of her dollhouse when murphy was a kitten. she'd pull his tail out different windows...he loved it....sniff.
Yes, Canuck toilets work the same way as United Statesians. Personally, I prefer the Euro chain pulling-type myself, altough I do find them noisier.
I have 2 cats, and the only time they pooped in the bathtub was when their kitty litter hadn't been cleaned for a while. Very clear message sent there,"You llke this place clean? Well, so do we!"
When I had been out in the country, I didn't understand why the children didn't flush much. One of the adults explained that they do that to conserve water, and their motto is,"If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down."
this thread really cheered me up tonight. i've seen it on the hell board for a while, and avoided reading it, figuring i didn't particularly want to discuss urinal cakes. but i gave it a go, as it was the week's essential reading reading through i was plagued with many questions, which all got answered, except two...
1. what is/are biscuits and gravy???
i also have this image of custard creams floating in bistro and meat juice...mmmm, tasty
2. erin said she worked in a subway - isn't that an underground tunnel, or the underground train system in usa? how can you eat in them?
thanks, viki
as for biscuits and gravy, remember what you call a biscuit, we americans call a cookie. not quite sure what you call what we call biscuits, but they are not sweet, they are more bready, but not quite like bread.
And you eat them with strawberry jam (jelly) and cream.
My Mum caught a domestic flight to Brisbane from Sydney and had this US chap sitting next to her. They served scones with jam and cream for the in-flight snack. She had a marvelous time showing him how to eat it (even though being coeliac she can't eat it herself)!!! (You split the scone, then smear jam and cream respectively on the broken pieces.
You can also make a delicious sweet pumpkin variety - used to be a specialty of my Grandma's.
quote:
Originally posted by Nunc_Dimittis:
In other words, they are scones.And you eat them with strawberry jam (jelly) and cream.
mmmmmm, cream tea - with proper cornish clotted cream and strawbery jam and crumbly scones...
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - pity about the instant calories, but soooooo nice
viki
how about getting back on track,
anyone familiar with a scupper attack?
Today I just want to rant about the quality of toilet paper in public facilities. Usually you have to work like mad to get enough paper to finish your business, scratching and pulling the paper in shreds from the behemoth coils which don't want to disgorge more than one 4 inch sheet at a time.
well, i've never experienced a scupper attack personally, but my husband is an old sea salt and spins a yarn for the kiddies from time to time about the latrines onboard our nation's military vessels. his was the USS California...a scupper attack is what happens when the bilge depressurizes when you've the misfortune of sitting on the loo, it's like backwash,...think of sitting above old faithful, only it's the contents of the latrines that comes roaring up at you...the men yell out "scupper attack" so everyone can clear out. something all of us who linger at the urinal onboard the ship here, should keep in mind.
but then a lot of people hunt around here...and that's a grim thought. i should have bought him a little orange collar.
I thought of this thread quite recently; I was in a neighborhood, fairly upscale coffee shop. I borrowed their (unisex) facilities, and was amused to see, behind a ladder leaning against the wall, a urinal. With a silk plant in it.
Bene
Biscuits are a quick bread -- kind of like scones, kind of like shortbread -- and are divine with butter and honey and alternatively with a thick, white, sausage gravy. I used to go to a place that made a killer red-eye gravy, which is sausage gravy with coffee grounds in it. mmmmmmm
Cream tea, as noted above, is one of the finest things on the planet.
Now I'm hungry. Dang.
Sieg
We call them "piss eaters" here.
TOILET CLEANSERS THAT WILL EAT YOUR CISTERN!
You know those things you buy, usually in packets of two? Drop them in the cistern and they deodorise, reduce limescale and turn the flush water a charming shade of ocean blue? I started using them a few months ago in my nice new blue-and-white bathroom. Every few weeks, as the flush paled, I'd chuck in another one. Then I noticed the cistern was beginning to leak in big blue puddles...
They hadn't been dissolving: they had been forming a layer of sediment in the bottom of the cistern thereby rendering, by some osmotic process, the cistern porous. We had to spend hours flushing it all out.
They don't tell you that on the packet, do they?
As for red-eye gravy, all I can recommend it for is with a hangover cure of tabasco sauce, bacon and a shot of moonshine. And if that doesn't get you into the throne room in a hurry, nothing will.
quote:
Originally posted by Benedictus:
I borrowed their (unisex) facilities, and was amused to see, behind a ladder leaning against the wall, a urinal. With a silk plant in it.Bene
Well, at least it was well watered.
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
.... I used to go to a place that made a killer red-eye gravy, which is sausage gravy with coffee grounds in it....
Good grief, woman, who told you that? You start spreadin' culinary slanders like that around, it will make California fall off into the sea just that much quicker.
Coffee grounds indeed. I spit on your coffee grounds! Pthew!
Red-eye gravy is made from the pan drippings of cured ham, and the magic ingredient is black coffee, not coffee grounds! Eeeuuuwww! Some people even make it with de-caff coffee, but that's a narthern innovation that I don't hold with.
There ain't any sausage innit atall.
On the other hand, I am the King of biscuits and gravy. Every year on the Martin Luther King weekend, a bunch of us rent a condo in Steamboat Springs and go cross-country skiing on the pass up above town, then relax in the Strawberry Hot Springs (don't ask) afterward.
And always, one morning I make Sausage gravy and home-made buttermilk and soda biscuits (NB: they taste *nothing* like scones. I know this for a fact. Scones saved my life when I was a hungry American teenager at Oxford, but that's another story.) My friend told me my breakfast is the only reason they invite me, and I thought it was because of my scintillating conversation...
You best watch what you post, even if you are a host now. I still have Wood's GBF sword around here somewhere.....
Concern was expressed because a large number of girls were eating their lunch in the toilets - EEEUUUUGH
Maddie
They had a dish on the breakfast menu that was biscuits cut in half with two fried eggs and sausage in the middle and red-eye gravy poured over the whole thing. And you could get fried catfish for breakfast, too.
I'm afraid to use those blue things in my toilet -- I always close the lid, but when I have friends over they of course don't always close the lid, and the cats love to drink out of the toilet ...
I much prefer red-eye gravy on grits. (For those who do not understand the reference, grits are hominy that has been dried then ground to the texture of coarse cornmeal. It is then prepared much as you would oatmeal or cream of wheat. Hominy, by the way, is corn that has been processed by soaking in lye. Yum!)
I've never used those blue toilet cakes. For a while, I used a preparation that dissolved the iron deposits inside the tank; unfortunately, it also dissolved the rubber seals on the toilet.
Plumbing is an invention of the devil, but I suppose it's better than the alternatives.
I've never seen anyone put red-eye gravy on grits -- but I haven't seen very many people eat grits, period. And I wasn't about ready to order grits when there was sausage and biscuits and whatnot to be had.
I'm starting to wish my apartment smelled like a urinal cake. One of the neighborhood cats has taking to doing its business on the porch just outside my kitchen door (and just under my bedroom window). Since no door or window in the place really closes properly, either I clean up this cat's feces every day or the smell creeps into my kitchen and bedroom.
'driving the porcelain bus'
'talking on the big white telephone'
'kneeling to kiss the porcelain god'
none of which refer to usage of the toilet for every-day, common or garden body functions. But still.
And why do you men ALWAYS have to go just as we're leaving the house,and running late?
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
And why do you men ALWAYS have to go just as we're leaving the house,and running late?
It's a matter of principle!
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
Let's move on from food. What do we all READ whilst errr.....paying a visit?
When I was a teenager we had a book in our bathroom called Stories for the Here and Now.
Moo
quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
I've seen a few references to 'throneroom' and 'old faithful', and David offered 'piss eaters', so I am obliged to donate:'driving the porcelain bus'
'talking on the big white telephone'
'kneeling to kiss the porcelain god'none of which refer to usage of the toilet for every-day, common or garden body functions. But still.
I'd heard slightly longer versions:
"Driving the porcelain bus to Woof City"
"Calling God on the big white telephone" ("Oh God! Oh God!")
"Worshipping at the Porcelain Shrine"
quote:
Originally posted by Campbellite:
Well, at least it was well watered.
I once worked as weekend supervisor in a nursing home. I really wondered for a long time why all our plantswere looking so sickly - all yellow and keeled over - until one day I caught him at it ! One of our more demented residents was routinely dumping out his urinal in our greenery !
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
And why do you men ALWAYS have to go just as we're leaving the house,and running late?
The answer is quite simple actually. It is because every single male had (as a young boy) a mother who insisted that he go before taking a trip in the car.
(And Mom thought I wasn't paying any attention )
Hell -- Argh!! My apartment smells like a... Campbellite
Serendipity is a wondrous thing.
Rdr Alexis
I have never kept reading material in the bathroom, and with four people sharing one bathroom now, reading on the john is NOT allowed!
But I often tot in with LoTR and, well, with whatever I happen to be reading at the time...
Abo
Sieg
Well, the current issue of the Atlantic Monthly; a book of passages from the Qu'ran; and the book Why Catholics Can't Sing.
tomb
quote:
Originally posted by Siegfried:
it is a compilation of tales after the style of HP Lovecraft.
quote:
Aha! Glad to know I'm not the only one who finds Dr. Seuss kind of
creepy.
huh? how'd dr seuss get into the conversation?
(though admittedly there is def. something lovecraftian about the one that starts "look what we found in the park, in the dark....")
Neil
"But... my dear! Who said there was anything bad about the good doctor? Why, I was weaned on The Shoggoth in the Hat when I was a wee tot, and it did me no harm..."
Sorry, couldn't resist...
Dr. Seuss Meets H.P. Lovecraft
Wait, wait, wait. This isn't Resources from Hell! There's no place like home... there's no place like home... there's no place like home...
Now I know why some of my household spend so much time in the loo.
Mid, are you telling us that someone, somewhere, felt it necesary to post written instructions on how to change a roll of toilet paper? Is this really such a complicated procedure? Are there people who are THAT mechanically disadvantaged that they cannot perform this function without assistance?
Or is it that someone is hopelessly anal retentive (in which case, who really needs toilet paper? )
I think I need to get out more.
Admiral H.
quote:
Originally posted by Admiral Holder:
Re instructions in the loo...I think I need one that instructs people that when they change the toilet roll to ensure it rolls under not over! It pains me to see it rolled over.I think I need to get out more.
Admiral H.
Heretic Everyone knows that thou shalt place the paper on the roll so that it rolls over!
so much so, that when i see it rolled under, i must reverse it!
i think i should be worried.
There are some gendered anthropology issues here that it might be best not to get into.
But I agree with the rollunder folks, because that prevents the damn cat from disgorging an entire roll then using it in place of her sandbox or, worse yet, eating some of it, then bringing it back up on the bed.
But perhaps that's too much information....
tomb
it goes over
that way more of the design on the paper shows.......
It might make an interesting change to run-of-the-mill Christmas cake!
Never will the toilet paper be found in my casé other than over. I find it very disconcerting when using other people's facilities and 500 tickets to the trots are being issued from under. It has been a long hard road, but I can now prevent myself from altering it in other people's houses.
Other posters speak highly of the minimum spooling benefits which occur with under - these I have never observed. In fact, one can rip off the required number of sheets with a flamboyant single-handed swipe in the over position, whereas doing this in the under configuration produces something akin to a calisthenic ribbon.
Never will the toilet paper be found in my casé other than over. I find it very disconcerting when using other people's facilities and 500 tickets to the trots are being issued from under. It has been a long hard road, but I can now prevent myself from altering it in other people's houses.
Other posters speak highly of the minimum spooling benefits which occur with under - these I have never observed. In fact, one can rip off the required number of sheets with a flamboyant single-handed swipe in the over position, whereas doing this in the under configuration produces something akin to a calisthenic ribbon.
So please don't think I'm leaving your embarassing duplicate post up because I consider you a toilet-paper heretick and wish to humiliate you.
tomb
I may get one of those decorative covers that hang down over the roll, like we have at church. They're a bit of a pain to change, however, since you have to unscrew and rescrew the knob, but they look nice.
And yes, over is the only way to go.
And all toilet rolls should be front. Otherwise patterned ones show the faint wrong side.
And the problem of the cat clawing down half the roll is easily solved without having to purchase anything fancy. Just slice open an empty toilet paper roll; it easily fits over the toilet paper. If that's too ugly, I suppose one could cover the cardboard with contact paper.
Toothpaste should be squeezed from the bottom. And as the tube is emptied it should either be rolled up from the bottom or flattened out with the handle of one's toothbrush.
That's a good idea for a toilet roll cover, RuthW. I'll give it a try.
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
.... Just slice open an empty toilet paper roll; it easily fits over the toilet paper. If that's too ugly, I suppose one could cover the cardboard with contact paper.....
Ruth, you sound like Martha Stewart on acid. Contact paper. On a toilet paper roll?
Now I know why they sent you down to hell.
By the way, guys. RuthW's the newest hellhost. Welcome her appropriately.
Or else.
tomb
RuthW, I've always liked you. I don't think I want to welcome you in any way tomb would consider appropriate.
quote:
Originally posted by Ultraspike:
A most hellish welcome, RuthW. And I mean that in the nicest way. I can see a kinder, gentler Hell in our future.
Yes, a kindler, gentler Hell. With a thousand points of light. Right up until somebody crosses me.
tomb, there was a brief period when Martha Stewart had a daytime show on network TV and I was unemployed. I was inspired to disassemble the metal industrial shelves which serve me as bookcases, sand them, prime them, paint them white, and then use sea sponges (you know, that used to be alive) to dab them with different shades of green and bronze, all in order to achieve a patina-type look. I then did the same with my industrial metal file cabinet. I refinished several other pieces of furniture in less elaborate ways, and was starting to plan the repainting of my entire apartment (more sea sponge dabbing, and maybe some stenciling just below the crown moulding and around the doorways) when I got a job. So the painting never got done. Sigh.
And I was just getting ready to put contact paper on the toilet roll cover (left over from when I did all the drawers in the kitchen and bathroom) when my cats got bored with the whole toilet paper thing and moved on to Q-tips.
If there is every anyone seeking accommodation for a meet in Sydney, a few toiletry questions will surely be on my list before I aye or nay.
I think the cat and/or small children factor is being seriously under-estimated. And I find the toilet rolls rolls seamlessly when under, whereas over results in much gnashing of teeth.
And now we have an interior decorator as a Hell Host!?!?! hardly hellish (then again, thinking of "Changing Rooms" a few weeks back...)
Welcome Ruth!
quote:
Originally posted by Campbellite:
wait, wait wait!Mid, are you telling us that someone, somewhere, felt it necesary to post written instructions on how to change a roll of toilet paper? Is this really such a complicated procedure? Are there people who are THAT mechanically disadvantaged that they cannot perform this function without assistance?
Or is it that someone is hopelessly anal retentive (in which case, who really needs toilet paper?
I think it was other people who demonstarted a lack of ability to carry out this simple task and thus had to be instructed.
quote:
Originally posted by Admiral Holder:I think the cat and/or small children factor is being seriously under-estimated. And I find the toilet rolls rolls seamlessly when under, whereas over results in much gnashing of teeth.
Welcome Ruth!
They also love dissassembling the holders, in their cubicles and the adults'.
quote:
Originally posted by daisymay:The women's toilet is also the children's; the latter have mini-loos with no doors on the cubicles, and always seem to have either whole rolls or bits scattered around. [/QB]
What do fathers of small children do, then?
quote:
Originally posted by Admiral Holder:
And now we have an interior decorator as a Hell Host!?!?! hardly hellish (then again, thinking of "Changing Rooms" a few weeks back...)Welcome Ruth!
The thing is, I'm an interior decorator with far more zeal than skill. Nobody with my inability to match colors, my failure to understand why all the furniture shouldn't just be shoved up against the walls, and my threshold of boredom should be allowed to decorate. I'm sure I've lost at least one boyfriend because he got tired of being roped into re-arranging furniture and having it not look any better.
quote:
Originally posted by Hostie:
What do fathers of small children do, then?
Also seen big sisters sent off with little ones when dads are too embarassed. I've rescued a few kids myself.
1. Notice that the existing roll is empty. Remove and place in conveniently placed recyling box to please spouse.
2. Reach down and grab new roll from giant economy case of 24 bought at Costco bulk foods store.
3. Slap said roll onto holder.
4. Look down in amazement and say "wow, this time it's rolling over the top" or conversely "wow, this time it's rolling from under".
5. Sit down. Use. Ask no questions.
quote:
Originally posted by Hostie:
What do fathers of small children do, then?
The simple solution is not to have mens' toilets and ladies' toilets. But simply to have toilets! Each room should have a toilet and a sink. One (at least) should be fitted out to make it suitable for a person with limited mobility, or a wheelchair user. It takes quite a bit of space to provide a wheelchair-friendly toilet space, but a babychanging table can be affixed to the wall (a fold-down thingy) and so increase the use of that toilet. It also is good cos there is plenty of space for a parent/carer and child to 'go'.
bb
quote:
What do fathers of small children do then?
Well I remember the time when the Offspring was eleven months old and we were returning from a winter vacation in Mexico.
A blizzard in Denver forced the plane to land in Houston where we waited for the weather to clear.
My wife and her parents went to explore the airport, leaving me with the baby.
Then the Worst happened to him; everything they tell you about the bad things that can happen to your colon in Mexico came true right there in the departure lounge.
We proceeded to the men's room, where I discovered that there were no facilities for changing babies. There weren't even counters around the sinks.
I ended up changing him on the floor in front of one of the toilets. I took grim pleasure in the businessmen who would venture into the area of the stalls, take one look at the Disaster, gag, then back out quickly.
I'm happy to say that things are better now; most public men's rooms have those baby changing shelves.
Not that I ever expect to need one again. If and when the Offspring reproduces himself (please, God, let it be many years hence), this is one grandpa who has no intention of helping with the changing chores. My baby-butt-wiping days are over.
tomb
[ 14 December 2001: Message edited by: tomb ]
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
The simple solution is not to have mens' toilets and ladies' toilets. But simply to have toilets!
bb
I'd agree only if men could be forced by some mechanism not to stand but to sit down. For a couple of month our school had shared facilities due to rebuilding - and that's a time me and my female collegues still remember with horror!
Otherwise I fully agree with you.
Abo
With two creases in the inner, it doesn't roll easily - so you know it's deliberate.
Unfortunateley, this means the inner can't be used by the toddler for creative play afterwards.
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
tomb--your butt-wiping days are over? Oh, say it ain't so.
Notice how quickly I edited that particular bon mot, Amos.
T
quote:
Originally posted by Abo:
I'd agree only if men could be forced by some mechanism not to stand but to sit down. For a couple of month our school had shared facilities due to rebuilding - and that's a time me and my female collegues still remember with horror!Otherwise I fully agree with you.
Abo
Memories of sharing a bathroom with my younger brothers came, well, flooding back. It got so bad for a while that my mother finally agreed that I didn't have to clean any part of that bathroom until their aim got better.
I was going to post something about the brilliant new perspective I have gained on toilets from waking up with nausea every night (at 12+ weeks pregnant), but now I am feeling too queasy to do so and, if you all don't mind, will have to excuse myself for a moment...
Also, because I/demonspawn poster child have found a new toy, here is an electronic card with a lavatorial bent.
Then again, it's amazing to see how truly infinite are the possibilities of this topic; no one can say that it has gotten repetitive!
quote:
Originally posted by Abo:
I'd agree only if men could be forced by some mechanism not to stand but to sit down.Abo
I . don't . think . so !
I remember a few years ago reading that somewhere in Scandinavia (Sweden?) they passed a law requiring men to sit. I don't think that law got very far. Afer all, how are you going to enforce it?
Gross, but enlightening!
Louise
I am hoping that a month's break will have short circuited the routine...
Ann said Unfortunateley, this means the inner can't be used by the toddler for creative play afterwards.
Ann
Directive from Department of Health. B4 allowing toddlers creative play with toilet rolls please microwave for 1 minute to kill off germs.
quote:
Originally posted by JoyfulNoise and his Parrot, O'Kief:
Directive from Department of Health. B4 allowing toddlers creative play with toilet rolls please microwave for 1 minute to kill off germs.
But ... you can't fit a toddler in the microwave!
Have you noticed how everyone's stink after they've used the loo is distincly different?
louise...just found the bin laden urinal cakes page....priceless.
You are far too observant!
