Ship of Fools: Heaven: Bible in Limerick

Thread: Heaven: Bible in Limerick Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :

Some of you may have been unfortuanate enough to see [URL=http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/index=books-uk&field-author=Goodwins%2C%2 0Christopher/026-8468852-0838858]these books[/URL] . the author attempts to cover the whole Bible in limerick verse, with varying sucsess.

Well, I thought that we could do better (and perhaps publish a book and make millions, well, perhaps not then).

So, your challenge, should you choose to accept it is to come up with a limerick for every book of the Bible (in order).

I will kick off with Genesis.

A couple named Adam and Eve,
Were once told by God they must cleave,
but they started to sin,
hence the state we are in,
but God had a plan up his sleeve

[ 10. March 2003, 00:33: Message edited by: Erin ]

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :

And I thought that this was a thread about the Irish Missal... [Disappointed]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

That man was my vicar from the age of 8 to 25-ish! For many, many years before he wrote the books he test drove his ideas on us in sermons, anecdotes, speeches, sherry parties, etc,etc. Great if you are 8 years old, but less so at 28, 38, 48 etc.

And I normally quite like limericks........

Posted by Matteo Ricci (# 2575) on :

This was in this week's The Tablet, and struck me as pretty good. This is the whole Bible in one limerick. Doesn't mention if it's with or without deuterocanonicals, though... [Wink]

First Genesis starts with Creation,
The Hebrews become a great nation,
Redemption for all,
Some letters from Paul,
Apocalypse, final salvation.

(By Dominica Roberts of Bracknell)

Posted by plassfan7 (# 1076) on :

quote:
Originally posted by starbelly:

So, your challenge, should you choose to accept it is to come up with a limerick for every book of the Bible (in order).

hmmm...so, this means I cannot skip to the book of Philemon?

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :

No, you have to wait your turn [Smile]

Neil

Posted by plassfan7 (# 1076) on :

quote:
Originally posted by starbelly:
No, you have to wait your turn

Neil

..very well then, my turn, Exodus:

Wandering quite lost was a nation
Tho favored by God, suffered deportation
Would they have followed the rules
T'would have found precious jewels
Just a stones throw from their exasperation

*cough cough*

...well, that's part of the book anyway...

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :

Leviticus' mainly used tools,
Are cleansing and offering rules.
The Jubilee Year,
Comes rarely I fear,
And untended land feeds all the Mules.

<curtsey>
jj

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

In Numbers they count things, I know;
The journey proceeds, but quite slow;
Amid all the slaughters,
Zelophehad's daughters
And Balaam's old ass steal the show.

Posted by The Mid (# 1559) on :

Very amusing, Numbers was good [Smile]

Posted by Moo-Koo (# 2578) on :

Deuteronomy means repeating of the law
(Which may sound like a little bit of a bore)
It warns us not to bow
Before a golden flipping cow
But to love and value God much much much more

*cringes*

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :

An alternate Genesis, 'cos it just popped into my head and I don't want it to go to waste (unless I should post this elsewhere?)

There once was a couple named Adam
And Eve, the first Sir and Madam;
About whom we've pondered,
Debated and wondered
Re: navels, and whether they had 'em.

[Big Grin]

David
sick-at-home orthodox guy

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

(Sorry you're sick again, David... praying for you!) Loved the 2nd Genesis limerick...

Here's a stab at Joshua:

There once was a young son of Nun
Who fought like Attila the Hun
He sacked cities & towns
Knocked Jericho to the ground
And fought 'til the Promised Land was won.

~ml

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :

The Judges worked to set the Israelites free,
so that they would finally see,
that God had a plan,
through the likes of Ibzan
so they then saw their enemies flee.

Neil

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

Within the next book, which is judges.
We see heroes and various grudges.
Gideon won with meekness
Sam's haircut proved his weakness
And still there's no mention of Budgies

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

The scenario might lead to rage -
Ruth seduces a man twice her age;
But when understood,
It's all for the good -
King David's just over the page.

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :

Samuel annointed Saul King,
Which should have been a good thing.
But Saul wouldn't mind,
And God said "Go find
Jesse's son, the one who can sing.

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

The Jews were enamored with Kings
And this wish almost ruined everything
God's plan was for priests
or prophets at least
But He gave way for their tiresome fling.

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

[You can tell I've been suffering from insomnia... sorry to keep jumping in... everybody's come up with such great verses! Here goes with 2 Samuel]

So David survives all the strife,
But has trouble with family life -
Which son is the best?
Well, God's far from impressed
When he chases another man's wife.

Posted by D' (# 2901) on :

Solomon's rulings were wise,
His temple a ginormous size.
But wars came along
As his wives were all wrong.
Then Elijah cut Baal's priests to size.

That was really hard!

Posted by Birdie (# 2173) on :

a HUGE round of applause for that as a first post.

classy.

bird

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :

The quality of these really is good, Keep them coming.

When we have finished i think we should do something good with them, any ideas?

Neil

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :

In Kings 2 we have quite a story,
The Temple repaired for God's glory.
Jehu, Nimshi's son,
Took out all the bums,
The Kings were mostly quite gory.

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

First Chronicles lists sons and successors
Who wish to be land possessors
Once David's made king
They conquer everything
And leave Solomon to be the temple erector.

~from the girl who paid attention in Sunday School, ml [Big Grin]

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

(Sorry for the double post... couldn't resist II Chronicles and Solomon...)

When Solomon laid out the temple
He knew the task wasn't simple
Made with bronze and with gold
And with silver we're told -
His budget was more than just ample!

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

Can I do Ezra-Nehemiah as one limerick?

An exile and many years later,
The Temple's rebuilt, even greater;
They must be on their guard,
And the work is quite hard,
But they manage to reconsecrate 'er.

Hmm...

Posted by Holy-Stone (# 2900) on :

Esther was lovely and thin,
The king's favour she did so win;
She was made queen,
And then became keen,
To save all those of her kin.

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :

Damn, beaten to Esther. Here's an alt version which I'm going to post anyway....

King Xerxes was taken by Esther
But his Vizier, Haman, distressed 'er.
He aimed to kill Jews,
Which was really bad news,
'Til she heard it; she saved 'em; they blessed 'er.

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :

Job:

Satan walked into God's Palace
Seeking to test out of malice
A boil-ridden bloke
Would he curse God or croak?
God thankfully stopped short of callous.

Posted by Holy-Stone (# 2900) on :

Psalms:

Blessed is he who delights in the Lord, (1:1-2)
If you don't repent God will whet his sword;(7:12)
In thy light do we see, (36:9)
So longs my soul for thee, (42:1)
Everything that has breath praise the LORD. (150:6)

I don't think it quite works but couldn't think of a better way of doing it.

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

Proverbs is a great little book
I urge you to go take a look
I'ts so stuffed full of knowledge
They don't teach you in college,
And advice you wished you had took.

Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :

Psalms is a sing-song galore
King David kept writing more
There's all kinds of feelings;
There's God-and-man dealings;
With such variety, it's never a bore!

(Ok, so the last line is lame, but I got stuck...)

[Duplicate Post deleted]

[ 20 June 2002, 05:01: Message edited by: Belisarius ]

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

Ecclesiastes:

Solomon learned lessons from life
About vanity, folly and strife:
That there's a time and a place;
That we must seek God's face;
That words of wisdom are sharp as a knife.

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

these are great!
My Ecclesiastes was a bit more negative:

There is nothing new under the sun,
And for all of the work you have done
There is nothing to show -
What's the point? God must know.
While you're here, eat and drink and have fun.

Posted by D' (# 2901) on :

Thanks Birdie - it's good to be on board after lurking for so long.

Song of Songs (or of Solomon's) odd,
It's about sex and it's about God.
Is it allogry or literal
physical or spiritual
Or just what it's like to be loved?
[Heart]

Posted by Alaric the Goth (# 511) on :

If it’s woes that you want, read Isaiah
A true man of God and no liar
If in darkness you walk
“See the light!” is his talk
And "Wait for the coming Messiah!”

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

Jeremiah's the prophet of doom
For he preached about judgement and gloom
He wept and he mourned
and cautioned and warned
That God's wrath would be coming down soon. [Waterworks]

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :

Lamentations

God's people were caught up in sin,
Their cries make a huge, awful din,
They weep and they sigh,
And would rather die,
Than to not be God's people again.

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

Whilst Ezekiel's in Babylon
He ensures prophecying goes on
Midst the sorroe and strife
sees dry bones come to life
which has also been mentioned in song

(dem bones, dem bones, dem, dry bones)

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

There once was a righteous young man
Carted off to a far, pagan land
When they said, "Don't you pray"
He did anyway
Ignoring the king's own command.

So Daniel was hurled to the lions
But no one heard screamin' or cryin'
The lions were still
And the king learned God's will
And never again would defy Him.

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

Hosea was wed to a whore
To win her, he just love her more.
He reminded the Jews
That God love them, too.
For repentance the Lord did implore.

Posted by plassfan7 (# 1076) on :

I LOVE the book of Hosea and the promise and hope it brings to my own weary, wayward heart. I think about His grief over their(our) choices...how He will not make us love Him. We are our own undoing. The depth of His love never ceases to amaze and overwhelm me everytime I drag my unfaithful butt back into the presence of His mercy.
Try as I might, I could not make this into a limerick...

My clothing, oh Gomer, I tear for thee
As you lie soiled, naked, for all to see
Hidden beneath your harlots disguise
A broken reflection revealed in My eyes
I long to heal and set you free
Turn O Israel, return to Me

...in you alone, do the orphans find mercy.
(the ending of Hosea 14:3)

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :

Joel starts with news that's distressing,
No grain, food or grapes for wine-pressing.
Dream dreams you old men!
Take up swords, spears and then
God ends Joel's book with His blessing.

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

quote:
Originally posted by plassfan7:
I LOVE the book of Hosea and the promise and hope it brings to my own weary, wayward heart...
Try as I might, I could not make this into a limerick...

Your poem was lovely, Plass... It caught the heart of Hosea much better than my weak attempt! I think it's hard to convey passion in a limerick!
Thanks for sharing... I, too, love the book of Hosea and the idea that God would draw us to Himself regardless of who we are or what we've done. His mercy never fails... ml

[UBB Code edtied]

[ 24 June 2002, 14:38: Message edited by: Belisarius ]

Posted by Anonymous 4 (# 2898) on :

When Amos was out with the sheep,
he had visions both scary and deep,
of fire and fight
of mildew and blight,
how the rich all their riches won't keep.

....uummmm...the minor prohets...always a challenge.....

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

The next little book, Obadiah,
Has a message that's meant to inspire
Though Edom was cruel
Justice is paid in full
They'll be straw in the Israeli fire

(obadiah v18)

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

The longest book there is the Psalms
A songbook that stirs up and calms
From the terror of death
To "praise Him who have breath"
And all points in between -- that's the Psalms.

Rdr Alexis

Posted by Viola (# 20) on :

This just in from our latest member madgeo - originally on a thread of its own

I hadn't seen Jonah so here goes:
Jonah was assigned a mission;
but God sent in 'a fishin;
Jonah had a big fright;
yelled "You aren't behavin right!";
and God stopped his dissin.
Bah dump Bump
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posts: 1 | From: Lost Angeles | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged

Posted by madgeo (# 2939) on :

Thanks Viola, let's try this again;

I hadn't seen Jonah so here goes:

Jonah was assigned a mission;
but God sent in 'a fishin;
Jonah had a big fright;
yelled "You aren't behavin right!";
and God stopped his dissin.

Bah dump Bump

Posted by Cuthbert (# 2044) on :

I think it's Micah next

Micah,a prophet from Moresheth,
told Judah what the Lord had saith: (ouch!)
do what is just and show love is a must
and always with your God to walketh

[Projectile]

!!!!!

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

I've got some news for you, chum
You should listen to that bloke , Nahum
To those who fear the Lord
Justice has been assured
To the naughty folk, bad things will come...

[Cool]

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

The Lord told Habakkuk to write
down a vision that brought no delight:
Woe on violent men
who ignore God in their sin,
For God will reward the upright.

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

Sorry... couldn't resist this irrevent version:

I feel sorry for poor old Habakkuk
He obviously had such very bad luck
With his horrible name
He was sent to proclaim
God's wrath to men who didn't give a @#$%

Posted by Admiral Holder (# 944) on :

These minor prophets are very solemn...

Zephaniah in Josiah's reign spoke clear:
The great day of the Lord is near.
Many in Judah awry went
Yet there was a remnant
Who did trust the Lord and Him fear.

Posted by Holy-Stone (# 2900) on :

The Lord, in those days, was homeless,
His temple was just a great mess;
Stirred into action,
By Haggai's reaction,
The people were saved from distress.

Posted by D' (# 2901) on :

Zechariah tells that God's in control
Repent and your life becomes whole.
God's a judge and a King
Back His people he'll bring
Living free from the huge flying scroll

Sorry, that was awful! I think I need to read the book rather than cheating and using the summery in my Bible!

Posted by fatpanda (# 2709) on :

The last of the old, Malachi,
He seemed like a really great guy,
Tithe all your loot
Just like you should
And your coffers will never run dry.

(Thanks to my hubby for this who should really join the ship!!)

Posted by Admiral Holder (# 944) on :

First up in the New Testament is Matthew
Who was both a tax-collector and a Jew.
He starts with a family listing
And closes with a Great Commissioning
And is not shy in writing a parable.

[Help]

Sorry.

Posted by Admiral Holder (# 944) on :

!!! MUST PROOF-READ BEFORE SENDING !!!

First up in the New Testament is Matthew
Who was both a tax-collector and a Jew.
He starts with a family listing
And closes with a Great Commissioning
And is not shy in writing a parable or two.

Posted by Anonymous 4 (# 2898) on :

Mark's Gospel is kept within reach,
kept it short in order to teach,
with things in from Q,
just to share the good news,
he sure could show some how to preach!

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

A caring doctor called Luke
wrote his friend Theophilus a book
Tells of prodigal man (15:11-32)
and good Samaritan (10:25-37)
and heaven for a dying crook. (23:39-43)

[Big Grin]

Posted by Cuthbert (# 2044) on :

After the synoptics - gospel four
If you read it, see what's in store:
When in the Logos you believe
Then God's life and light you will receive;
And that's John's Gospel, down to it's core

[Sunny]

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

The church was founded at Pentecost,
To reach out to those who once were lost
Through teaching and worship,
Giving and fellowship,
The Apostles acted on what Christ had taught.

Posted by Admiral Holder (# 944) on :

Romans, epistle 1, by Paul was writ
(In Greek, most certainly not in Sanskrit)
It shows how the Gospel spread to every nation
And the gaining, through faith, of salvation
Which caused Luther to end up in the sh*t!

(You could see that coming, couldn't you? [Big Grin]

)

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

The Corinthians need to be taught
To serve God and do as they ought;
It all sounds quite mean
Until chapter thirteen -
"Love bears all things", now, there's a thought.

Posted by Holy-Stone (# 2900) on :

In Galatia, the people did see,
Lots of rules, there faith was empty;
But Paul was on a mission,
To stop circumcision,
Because from the law we are free.

Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :

This is just really really excellent folks, t
thanks! I'm thoroughly enjoying all you really learned people can do with your knowledge, even if I can't contribute. Laysha - your summary of Corinthians is wonderful, well done.

When it's finished I'm certainly printing it out.

Keep going. [Sunny]

Posted by Boot (# 2611) on :

Erm, can someone do 2 Corinthians, please?

I sure one of you people can come with something intelligent re. thorns in the flesh etc.

And before you ask, no, I can't

[Frown]

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

Well, here's one aspect of it:

For the sake of the gospel he bears
Paul's endured many sufferings and cares;
He wouldn't complain
Of his toils and his pain,
If the rest didn't give themselves airs.

Posted by The Advocate (# 2054) on :

Now Paul once wrote for Ephesus
to tell them of blessings in Jesus
there's a bit about war
of a kind without gore
wrapped up in a nice little thesis

Posted by fusilli (# 2930) on :

Jesus came to earth to die
So God lifted his name up on high
Rejoice and be glad
Keep praying like mad
-Paul to his mates in Philippi.

[Cool]

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :

oooh, we are so nearly there!

Shall we do the books of the apocrypha as well?

Neil

Posted by fusilli (# 2930) on :

I also apologise for having two goes, but I do so love these letters of Paul:

Jesus is higher than all, (1:15)
Creation, the church and so y’all (1:16,17)
Know the wall he broke down (1:21)
Means that you’ll wear a crown (3:4)
Collosse, from your servant Paul (1:23)

[Cool]

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

Paul honored the Thessalonians' faith (ch 1:3)
And wished he could return there post haste (2:18)
So he sent Timothy to bless them (3:2)
And taught an eschatological lesson (4:14-17)
And blessed them with Jesus' grace (5:23 & 28)

Posted by Foxy (# 2409) on :

Okay, here goes:

What Nahum is trying to tell us
Is that God is angry and jealous.
Choose witches and harlots,
It'll surely be our lot
That He will take vengeance and fell us.

Whew.

Posted by Iestyn (# 2422) on :

To Thessaloniki, another
note warning each sister and brother:
"work hard for your bread"
Is just what Paul said,
"Don't tire doing right for each other"

Posted by Rex Monday (# 2569) on :

Coo. Such industry!

The Rev. Goodwins, writer of the books that kicked this thread off, is my father... I'll email him the link. I know he's looked at the Ship in the past, but I don't think he's registered or a regular lurker.

I've only written the one limerick, and that was about Onan. Probably best to leave it at that.

RM

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

In Paul's letter to Timothy we learn
to "hold faith and good conscience" and yearn
to blamelessly lead in truth,
be an example in youth,
but all greed and corruption to spurn.

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

Paul wrote a letter to Titus
Saying "if other folk try to smite us,
Just try and make sure
that your actions are pure
and your teaching is free from detritus"

Posted by fusilli (# 2930) on :

Are we going to wait for Plassfan7 to do Philemon?
[Cool]

Posted by plassfan7 (# 1076) on :

quote:
Originally posted by fusilli:
Are we going to wait for Plassfan7 to do Philemon?

WOOHOO! Philemon....

e-hem~

Philemon can fit on one page
tells of Paul who'd give up his wage
to pay for Onesimus
who made quite a mess-o-mus
now willing to return to his cage

*bows*

(PS: Mysticlisa...thanks for your good word to me)

Posted by fusilli (# 2930) on :

Worth waiting for, Plassfan7.

Here is my stab at Hebrews:

Now Jesus is Son, Lord, High Priest,
Advocate, Lamb at the feast.
Than Moses he’s higher,
Ever-living Messiah,
So come. Live by faith. Tim’s released!

[Cool]

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

Peter then wrote we are berks
trying to seperate faith and works
Try to watch what you say
don't go hoarding your pay
and of praying, he listed the perks.

Posted by fusilli (# 2930) on :

Sorry to be picky, Papa Smurf, but shouldn't that be James

[Cool]

Posted by plassfan7 (# 1076) on :

....thanks Fusilli, and back at cha!

These are ALL so good, such wit!

><†>

Posted by Iestyn (# 2422) on :

Forgive me, but the first line of the Timothy limerick above has suggested to me the following (and after all, we only got one limerick for 2 letters....)

In Timothy 1 we learn
A woman's tuition to spurn
She'll not be a teacher,
A priest or a preacher,
('Til Spirit inspires a u-turn)

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

Assuming the last one was James and not 1 Peter

You'll see trouble, but never defeat;
Be humble, and give up deceit;
Rejoice though you suffer,
Fear God, love each other,
Hang in there, we're with you - Love, Pete.

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :

Nicely done, Laysha!

Here's II Peter:

Peter wrote to those of like faith
to remind them to grow in God's grace
He warned them, Take heed!
Beware of false prophets' deeds
By their error never be led astray.

Posted by D' (# 2901) on :

I can't believe we're nearly finished!!

Here's 1 John;

1st John shows that God's love is right
Obeying Him gives our lives might.
By our deeds and our lives
Anitchrists cannot thrive.
And God's children can live in his light

Posted by Laysha (# 1392) on :

Nice one! I'm going to miss this thread.

Oh goodness, 2 John and 3 John are both more or less limerick-length as it is...
will do both at once and see if anyone else has an extra inspiration:

Those I love in the truth I now greet,
So our joy may be full and complete;
In the truth now abide,
Beware those who divide,
And I'll tell you much more when we meet.

Posted by fusilli (# 2930) on :

And Jude:

There are those who want license to sin
But not grace, and they quietly slip in
The body thy split
And cause you to quit
But be strong, through God’s Spirit you’ll win

[Cool]

Posted by Papa Smurf (# 1654) on :

My apologies, [Frown]

and well done to those who spotted it should ahve been James. The theme was correct too, just not the right name, sorry.

am too scared to try Revelation now [Help]

Posted by Admiral Holder (# 944) on :

Hear now, ye churches, the Revelation.
And bow ye before Jesus every nation.
Satan's attacks may us surround;
But God's promises always abound:
The new Jeruslam at last shall be our haven.

(Not sure why I used 'ye'; anyone else have a better one!?!? I'd hate to see this thread end with my poor effort! Revelation is so vast!)

Posted by Admiral Holder (# 944) on :

Note to myself: Learn to spell Jerusalem !

[Embarrassed]

Posted by Poet_of_Gold (# 2071) on :

Since you've done all the books, I thought I would share these two I had written from Genesis before this series began:

There once were two people from Eden,
Who left their Creator’s heart bleedin’.
They made a mistake by believing a snake
And the rest of their lives they spent weedin’.

There was a bad brother named Cain
Whose attitude made him a pain.
He killed his own brother, brought grief to his mother,
And never was happy again.

Posted by D' (# 2901) on :

Go Admiral Holder - I don't even think I'd attempt Revalation - far to much to say in 5 lines, I think you did brilliantly!!

What are we going to do now we've finished? [Waterworks]

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :

Well, that was fun! well done to all who contributed. I may collect them all together and put them up somewhere, or then again I may not (have to check the ships copyright as well...)

Neil

Posted by da_musicman (# 1018) on :

This has to go to Limbo rather than be allowed to diappear of the bottom of the boards.(Should I have posted this here or should I have alerted a Host or Admin? Sorry if its in the wrong place.)

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :

Thanks for bringing this up--I had thought a copy had already been sent to Limbo and we were just keeping this thread out of habit, but it turns out we never got around to it.

This thread has officially "died deserving."

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