Thread: Hell: Embarrassing Gagging Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
There is an increasingly nauseous thread in heaven on films, songs, music etc. that make people cry.

So, to counteract all of this meaningless moistness, can we find films, songs ( Not Choruses - we have done that ) which make us gag, throw up, or just laugh in ridicule.

[ 10. March 2003, 01:14: Message edited by: Erin ]
 
Posted by Merseymike (# 3022) on :
 
Top Gun. Its the campest movie ever made. The volleyball scene cracks me up everytime.

[Devil]
 
Posted by Professor Yaffle (# 525) on :
 
Maybe Baby.

I spent most of film hoping that Buffy would turn up and drive a stake through Joely Richardson and Hugh Laurie's hearts.

Bridget Jones was nearly as bad, but at least one got to see Hugh Grant thrown through a plate glass window. One takes one's compensations where one finds them.
 
Posted by MarkthePunk (# 683) on :
 
The second Austin Powers movie. [Puke] (I have blessedly forgotten the name.)

I felt like I had to take a shower afterwards. And I apologized to the unfortunate teenagers who came with me (although one or two of them liked it -- no taste).
 
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :
 
Films that make you [Projectile]

Well, Titanic would be near the top of my list. Don't tell the folks in Heaven, though... some of them liked it... [Devil]

A film I saw recently that made me laugh (not the intention of the director, I'm sure) was Pitch Black. For those who haven't seen it, it's all about these characters who crash-land on an alien planet. Shortly after they arrive, the multiple alien suns go into eclipse for, um, the foreseeable future, and lots of horrible alien Things come out of the woodwork to eat them. In the dark. This would have been quite frightening, but the Things whistled to each other just like the Clangers (translation for non-UK folks; cuddly aliens from an old children's TV show). We couldn't take them seriously, even after they'd eaten most of the cast...

Jane R
 
Posted by Arch-Deacon (# 982) on :
 
An awful lot of the films that are conducive to projecting my lunch to all the corners of the compass have already been mentioned in Heaven.

Anything, but anything with Meryl Steep in it would be a prime candidate for vomit-making.
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
"The Wedding Planner" - I was the only male in a room of females who all spontaneously burst into tears in the last, pornographically over-sentimental scenes with ladles of slimey muzak swilling around in the background and acting which made "Neighbours" look like Bergman.

The only thing I wanted to spontaneously do was bury a hatchet in the television.
 
Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
I think the movie was called 'Home Alone', and I can't recall the name of the equally forgettable precocious brat who was the star. I only saw clips, but they had me cheering for the bad guys all the way.

Greta
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Star Wars. The godawful Munchkins. The cringemaking Jar Jar Binks. The incredible discovery that Luke Skywalker is the long-lost brother of Princess Leia, and they just happen to be Darth Vader's children. Yeah, right.

I like Dickens but he is sometimes very good for pukeworthy characters - Smike, Little Nell and her grandfather, Esther from Bleak House, and so on.
 
Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Greta - bratface was McCaulay Caulkin.

For anyone who hadn't heard of the film Home Alone, or its two, yes TWO more sequels, the premise of all three was the same: Somehow (oh, I wonder) parents manage to leave cute-as-apple-pie lil kid home alone, whilst they jet off round the world. Then burglars decide to break in. Cute-as-apple-pie lil kid promptly reveals incredibly mean, vicious, sadistic streak as he proceeds to maim, burn, bruise, staple, cut, hammer and generally physically abuse the adults. All this is wonderfully funny, because he is a cute-as-apple-pie lil kid, and they are two big horrible burglars. Eventually the police get called (after the little boy has had mucho fun, and so hurt, maimed and generally enraged the pair, that they're talking about killing him. I would do too, if I was in their position. Forget talking. The little bastard would be trussed like a turkey already.) The police take the burglars off in handcuffs, whilst they mutter impotently about returning to get him. One wonders why they don't just sue the lil bastard for actual bodily harm? Parents return, and hug lil boy, saying how desperately sorry they were to have forgotten him (so sorry it took them a few days to realise? Yeah, sure. We believe you).

In short, schmaltzy, emotional pornography with plenty of 'acceptable' physical violence [Projectile] And this is good for our children to watch how?

Viki
 
Posted by Qestia (# 717) on :
 
Wonderful thread idea! I'm going to throw down the gauntlet and say how much I loathed Dead Poets' Society. The kid kills himself because he can't be in a play (or whatever dumb ass reason it was)? I say the world is better off!
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
I have not seen that many (nor would I care to do so), but my vote is for any Disney adaptation of a classic tale. As one example, I love the original story of Beauty and the Beast, and thought Disney's version (which I saw on stage - the film may be worse) was ludicrous and distorted the story completely.

As a blanket vote, I dislike intensely when anyone takes a classic story and twists it in order to insert some politically correct message.
 
Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
A film I saw recently that made me laugh (not the intention of the director, I'm sure) was Pitch Black.

Yes, I found plot holes in it -- though I don't recall what they were now -- oh yes! An ecosystem which is utterly dependent on passing spacecraft with edible passengers to show up at just the right moment! Silly me! [Smile]

Vin Diesel was very hot in that movie, though, which is the only thing I liked in it.

I also found the recent Godzilla and -- people will HATE me for this -- The Matrix to be movies with HUGE plot holes. I really find it annoying when a movie has a huge plot hole which could have been patched up with one line of dialogue, said line springing to mind as I watch the movie.

David
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Qestia:
Wonderful thread idea! I'm going to throw down the gauntlet and say how much I loathed Dead Poets' Society. The kid kills himself because he can't be in a play (or whatever dumb ass reason it was)? I say the world is better off!

I agree! What a load of sentimental pap. The teacher was a wannabe "eccentric" loser, and his students were intensely irritating, unbelievably naïf blowhards.

Wow, this is such a good way to release pent-up stress... [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
U571 has got to be near the top of this list.
Not only was it centered on a ludicrous lie that the Americans captured a vital Enigma machine and broke the code but it was an insult to the courage and intelligence of ther Brits who in reality got an Enigma and broke the code.

As one newspaper put it, what next from Hollywood?
A feature on how the Yanks defeated Napoleon at Waterloo? A docu-film about how an American in a loin cloth liberated India from British rule? Perhaps a period drama about an American spreading the word of God set in Palestine set in AD30?.
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lifeman:
U571 has got to be near the top of this list.
Not only was it centered on a ludicrous lie that the Americans captured a vital Enigma machine and broke the code but it was an insult to the courage and intelligence of ther Brits who in reality got an Enigma and broke the code.

As one newspaper put it, what next from Hollywood?
A feature on how the Yanks defeated Napoleon at Waterloo? A docu-film about how an American in a loin cloth liberated India from British rule? Perhaps a period drama about an American spreading the word of God set in Palestine set in AD30?.

Lifeman,

Do you lose sleep over the fact that the Americans won the War of Independence?

I thought U-571 was pretty stupid, but if you watched the film, it had text at the end which recounted the sequence of historical events, and made it quite clear that the British caught the first Enigma machince (Americans caught some later on.) The film was even codedicated to the American and British forces responsible!
 
Posted by Nica (# 3176) on :
 
Starship Troopers, Armageddon
and everything that just remotely resembles Pretty Woman
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Look, we all know that Jesus was an American, spoke English with an American accent, and was wrapped in the American flag when he died. Deal with it, Lifeman.
 
Posted by FCB (# 1495) on :
 
Do you think we could maybe start a whole thread for people who thought Dead Poets Society was utter crap? It can be a lonely world out there.

FCB
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Sorry, forgot to gag.

Nica's post jogs my memory - anything with Julia Roberts in it automatically activates my gag reflex. And Keanu Reeves should have stopped after the Bill and Ted movies. I recently saw Kenneth Branagh's "Much Ado about Nothing" again, and was reminded of my original opinion - Keanu Reeves should be seen and not heard.

Gag-making children's book: The Velveteen Rabbit.
 
Posted by Inanna (# 538) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Professor Yaffle:
Maybe Baby.

Idle tangent and nothing at all to do with the gag-ness of the film...

.. but...

my sister was in it. Her first major acting role outside of student films and a marmite ad.

She's the large masseuse who gets to stand on Hugh Laurie and tell him to relax.

Look out for her soon on the new Basil Brush show playing a school bully.

Kirsti, famous by association
 
Posted by splosh (# 2743) on :
 
Anything involving Jim Carey, I couldn't believe how awful Dumb & dumber was. [Disappointed]
 
Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Many winners of "Best Picture" Oscar, especially:

Shakespeare in Love
The English Patient
Forrest Gump
Dances with Wolves
Driving Miss Daisy
Rain Man
Terms of Endearment
 
Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
[tangent]
Speaking of being in films....

My wife's cousin is a B-list Hollywood producer. One of his less-memorable efforts, a sci-fi made-for-television series entitled "V", was watched avidly by the entire family, including my mother-in-law, who failed to understand it. Charlie also cast his wife in the production--as one of the heroes. So at the end of the last episode, when all the good guys die saving the world from invasion, my mother-in-law observed, "My goodness, that spider-thing just ate Diane! Do you think that's why it died?

What could we say? It's not often you see aliens consuming your relatives on TV.

On a more uplifting note, so to speak, another of my wife's cousins writes screenplays, collaborated on The Runaway Bride, and is on a first-name basis with Julia Roberts. Memo to self: must cultivate this relationship assiduously. I haven't seen the film because it's on my retch and pitch list, but would love to meet JR.

[/tangent]
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
[Eek!]

"Driving Miss Daisy" and "Rain Man" are brilliant!
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Can I also add ET. I upset some friends at college by saying I thought he looked like a bug, and should be squashed.
 
Posted by Qestia (# 717) on :
 
But the winner of Worst Film Ever must be "First Knight", remember, with Richard Gere as Lancelot? I never wanted to see it but was hauled to the theater on 3 separate occasions to do so by 3 separate groups of friends. Actually I guess anything with Richard Gere would do. What was that movie with Winona Ryder as a dying teenager in love with that old fart. She turns out to be the perfect woman for him because she dies! Just like Julia R. was the perfect woman in Pretty Woman because she was paid to do whatever he wanted! Who comes up with this mysogynistic crap?
 
Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 
I've already outed myself as a soggy sentimentalist on the thread in Heaven, but here's a Hellish opinion.

Though the film "Mimic" was total crap and artistically pretentious. All the dark scenes, very heavy-handed. Saw it in the theater and wanted to scream "alright, we GET it already!" Would have walked out after the first 20 minutes except I was with my sister who wanted to see it, figured she was enjoying it...and she stayed because she thought I was. Idiotic movie.
 
Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 
Make that "Thought" (preview is your friend).

Bonfire of the Vanities - one of the most miscast films ever, which reminds me of Costner as Robin Hood...
 
Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lifeman:
U571 has got to be near the top of this list.
Not only was it centered on a ludicrous lie that the Americans captured a vital Enigma machine and broke the code but it was an insult to the courage and intelligence of ther Brits who in reality got an Enigma and broke the code.

As one newspaper put it, what next from Hollywood?
A feature on how the Yanks defeated Napoleon at Waterloo? A docu-film about how an American in a loin cloth liberated India from British rule? Perhaps a period drama about an American spreading the word of God set in Palestine set in AD30?.

Dang skippy! And you got your colors for the flag from US Americans, Lifeman. Red White and Blue. Heheheheheheheh [Snigger]
 
Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
I walked out of Waterworld after 30 minutes and made them give me my money back. I did this even though I was travelling at the time and had nothing better to do except go back to the hotel.

What About Bob has the same effect on me as fingernails on chalkboards have on most people.

And I completely agree with Newman's Own regarding the vile practice of corrupting someone else's story by inserting your own message.

scot
 
Posted by Pheonix (# 2782) on :
 
MerseyMike - I agree Top gun was very camp...

That song 'playing with the boys'.... says it all really...
 
Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
I forgot to mention that the movie
Biggles more than makes us even for any transgressions..and ditto to what Ruthy said..GET OVER IT.

[Devil]
 
Posted by Phil Williams (# 812) on :
 
Whooo-hooo!!!
Who mentioned 'Dead Poets' Society'???
And there was I thinking that I was the one, the only one who hated it! Well, aside from my twin brother too that is ...

Apart from being cringe-worthily naff it had the dubious distinction of being endorsed by the pastor of the church I was in at the time. He thought it was great and everybody followed like lemmings shouting 'Carpe Diem!' and missing out on the irony that anyone with the merest hint of non-conformity in our particular set-up would have ended up dead like the kid in the film.

[Flaming] [Mad]

Mind you ... this pastor also used to take sermon illustrations from ... wait for it ... 'Karate Kid II' and even ... [Ultra confused] [Waterworks] ... you'll never guess ... RAMBO movies!!!! [Projectile]

His wife was the only dissident brave enough to tell him they were crap.

[Puke] pukity-puke ...

Phil
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Great thread! I agree with many of the films mentioned (haven't seen the others), and remember well when I went to see Dead Poets Society because I'd been assured it was wonderful and intelligent. (It, of course, was neither.)

I don't remember how it was that I saw the ultra-horrid Dumb and Dumber. It was the only time I remember having to walk out of a film because I needed to vomit (from some of the toilet jokes... that entire film was toilet jokes.)

I like Dickens, but some film and theatrical adaptations of his work are terrible. Does anyone remember the musical Scrooge? Oddly enough, I found much of it enjoyable, if highly romanticised and inaccurate (it could leave one believing that the way to have a dream Christmas was to be poor in the London of that day... the social message is gone!), but the ending was completely ridiculous. The entire sequence where Scrooge sees his future in hell, in no way adapted from the original, is trying and silly. As well, though admittedly seeing the marvellous Victorian toys is a treat, Scrooge's becoming "Father Christmas" in the end, and buying out a toy shop to indulge in ostentatious giving, seems far too shocked with consumerism to have any genuine message. Rather than being a newly benevolent soul who cares for the Cratchitt family, Scrooge is reduced to an impulsive spendthrift. Somehow, this seems as callous as Scrooge's original character - he is still blind to the reality of the poverty surrounding him, and thinks it will be alleviated by a day of extravagant presents!

I absolutely loathe "The Sound of Music"! One progresses from the company of nuns who are cartoon characters, to the spunky governess who transforms kids and captain just with a few cheery songs, to a picturesque escape over a non-existent mountain. During the tense, climactic scene when the Von Trapps are hiding from the Nazis, little Gretl (in an unintentionally funny line) captures the story's theme, as she asks Maria, "Do you think it would help if we sang 'Our Favourite Things?'" One nearly expects Maria to say that it would!
 
Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
Ruth W,

I did'nt realise that Jesus actually spoke English but with American accent. This could explain that outrageous scene in 'The Greatest Story ever told' where John Wayne (as a Roman Centurian) says in a deep voice on the day of the Crucifiction 'He waaas truuuuly the soooon of gaaaawdddd'. [Puke]
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
Lifeman,

quote:
Mark 15:39 And when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw that he thus breathed his last, he said, "Truly this man was the Son of God!"
and

quote:
Mathew 27:54 When the centurion and those who were with him, keeping watch over Jesus, saw the earthquake and what took place, they were filled with awe, and said, "Truly this was the Son of God!"
Why do you find these sections of the Passion narratives so [Puke] -worthy? Or is it just the fact that they had the audacity to have someone speak with an American accent?

Would you have preferred Latin and Aramaic throughout, with authentic pronunciations?
 
Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Oh, NO! Then you didn't go to "Sing Along Sound of Music" when it appeared at a theatre near you? And you with a trained voice and a background in costume design (as I recall)! It was the last thing I saw before I left the US, and I laughed myself sick. You bring your own flashlight for the scene in towards the end when the Nazis are searching for them in the convent. There is a costume competition in the interval--lots of girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, and a few pretty girls dressed up as brown paper packages tied up with strings (not string).

Disney cartoon movies make me gag. They also make me furious at the sheer shameless manipulation involved--and at the general degeneration in the art of the animated cartoon since I was a kid.
 
Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 
I wound up going to see "Me, Myself and Irene" with a friend, just went to be sociable...ugh, big mistake. [Projectile]
I have rapidly decreasing patience with comics who think the more vulgar, the funnier. Whatever happened to wit???
 
Posted by zandolit (# 346) on :
 
Though I too have been outed in Heaven as a sentimental sap, even I have my limits!

If you value your sanity, don't ever pick up a Danielle Steele "novel" (it wasn't my fault! I had to read it against my will!). And the less said about "Touched by an Angel" the better.

zandolit
 
Posted by Presleyterian (# 1915) on :
 
Kudos to Newman's Own for noting that the Governess Has No Clothes (except the ones she stitched up for those loathsome children from old curtains). When I was a kid in Catholic school, the nuns treated us once a year to a movie, whenever possible of the morally uplifting variety. Usually it was a sword 'n' sandal epic with Susan Hayward and Victor Mature (his breasts were bigger). Once it was the delightful "Lilies of the Field." But three years running they took us to see that lousy stinkin' "The Sound of Music."

OK, the escape-via-talent-show subplot seemed a bit far-fetched, but the really unbelieveable part was that any red-blooded Austrian male worth his lederhosen would prefer that dishrag Maria to the witty, urbane, and sophisticated (not to mention perfectly gowned and coiffed) Baron-ESS (accent on the last syllable).

But Amos is quite right that the sing-along version redeems it. All the fun of a Rocky Horror midnight movie circa 1978 without the risk of flying frankfurters.
 
Posted by Lou Poulain (# 1587) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jesuitical Lad:
Lifeman,

Why do you find these sections of the Passion narratives so [Puke] -worthy? Or is it just the fact that they had the audacity to have someone speak with an American accent?

Would you have preferred Latin and Aramaic throughout, with authentic pronunciations?

Geez, LatinMan,

It's ALL in the presentation. That scene has always made me laugh. John Wayne!?!?!? The Duke?

Somewhere in a this thread there's the term "miscast." It certainly applies here.

As long as we're on biblical epics, I nominate The Robe for it's quintessential 1950's-ness.

Lou
 
Posted by Lou Poulain (# 1587) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lou Poulain:
Geez, LatinMan,

Lou

Sorry...I meant Jesuitical Lad.

[Geez Lou, remember to preview post]

[ 14 August 2002, 11:24: Message edited by: sarkycow ]
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
Lou,

Oh, ok. Well, my anti-American-detectors were probably in overdrive there, so maybe I did miss the obvious. Apologies to Lifeman.

Assuming that was what he meant.

[Paranoid]

I found Jack and Sarah nauseating too - the one with Richard E. Grant as the man who is made a widower just after his wife gives birth. But my family insist it was deeply moving... what does one do?

Other than, of course, [Projectile]
 
Posted by Presleyterian (# 1915) on :
 
John Wayne as a Roman centurion is a helluva lot more believable that John Wayne as Genghis Khan, the role he played in "The Conqueror." His best line upon gazing at the opposing tribe's princess played by Susan Hayward (again with the Susan Hayward!): "I see the Tartar woman and my blood says take her." Also in this botcherama were Agnes Moorehead, sadly better known as mother-in-law Endora on "Bewitched" than for "The Magnificent Ambersons"; Lee Van Cleef, he of spaghetti western fame; and William "Jake and the Fatman" Conrad.

But unlike "Dead Poets," it's a don't miss.
 
Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
I actually love the Sound of Music. I guess because I have some good memories of seeing it...and I love the dippy singing. Too bad
Julie Andrews's doctor botched the job removing some benign tumors from her vocal codes...her beautiful singing voice is gone.

The dashing Caption...swoon. They just don't make them like that anymore (not that they ever did anyway).

The nun singing "Climb Every Mountain" is great.

All in all, it did p-o the original Vandertrapp family...but that was to be expected.
 
Posted by Admiral Holder (# 944) on :
 
I've wept in Heaven. Now to gag in Hell.

I can't even remember the name...Shipwrecked?...the Tom Hanks movie where he fell in a love with a volleyball! A friend actually painted that atrocious "Mr Hand" [or whatever it is called] on a volleyball: I want to [Projectile] whenever I see it.

AI: I was bored after 1 hour, 1.5 hours, 2 hours, etc. Did it ever end? And that bloody robot-boy not rusting at the bottom of the ocean and the 'blue angel' or whatever "saving" him. Save me!

U571 pissed me off to. Adding 'Oh, by the way, the Brits were first' at the end did nothing for me. Though I liked the fact I could practise my German at the beginning. [Big Grin]

Ian,
who - dare he says it - loves "The Sound of Music"

---

Edwelweiss, edelweiss, every morning you greet me....
[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
CASTAWAY!

Yep, that was rubbish. I was - in a rather unChristian manner, it has to be said - hoping he'd go mad and kill himself. The ball was a more sympathetic character than Hanks.
 
Posted by Nunc Dimittis (# 848) on :
 
Who was it that said Dickens?

There are not enough puke smilies to describe my antipathy of Oliver and other Dickens Classics...

Add Annie to the list too: "I luv ya, termorra, I luv ya termorra, ye'r onlie a daye a waye." [Projectile]

(The Library teacher at my primary school made us watch these films about 50 million times. NEVER AGAIN [Flaming] !!!)

When it comes down to it, MOST films are crap, cringeworthy or otherwise. Why do we still subject ourselves to sitting in the dark with a large screen in front of us for two hours?

... With once exception (possibly three).

LOTR.

(What more need be said? [Big Grin] )
 
Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
I have a personal hatred for the movie "Wizard of Oz". Being forced to watch that movie over-and-freakin'-over throughout my childhood caused something to snap. It's just one big irritant now. Even the mockery that Robin Williams used in "Good Morning Vietnam" made me grit my teeth - as I was laughing.

quote:
Originally posted by Equinas:
Though the film "Mimic" was total crap and artistically pretentious.

Didn't even see this movie. I liked the THREE PAGE short story by Don Wallheim so much that I couldn't stand to see what they would do to it to make it into a feature-length movie.

The penultimate spleen-splitter definitely has to go to "Mission To Mars". I'm not sure if that piece of crap managed to miss any realm of hard science to fuck up. There's a more accurate representation of physics in Road Runner cartoons. My eight-year-old nephew with attention-defecit syndrome has a better understanding of genetics. Bishop Samuel Wilberforce could have presented a better understanding of the theory of evolution.

Dammit. Now I need to wipe the spittle off my screen...
 
Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
when i first moved to new hampshire, my 10 year old neighbor used to sing "tomorrow" over and over. then she got a tape recorder and played a tape of herself singing it over and over. then she developed tourette's syndrome. i, for one, was not surprised.

"monster's ball" was vile.

"signs" [Razz] [Razz] [Razz] stupid! stupid! stupid!
 
Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :
 
Just about anything with Richard Gere... What is the attraction that so many women seem to have to him??? The man has a knack for picking boring scripts and making the roles even more tedious. For a list see http://www.geocities.com/futurama00/film.htm
 
Posted by Cusanus (# 692) on :
 
quote:
I'm going to throw down the gauntlet and say how much I loathed Dead Poets' Society. The kid kills himself because he can't be in a play (or whatever dumb ass reason it was)? I say the world is better off!
I'm with you and all the Dead Poet haters on the Ship. that kid was stupid for topping himself and Robin Williams' character was also culpable. Ick.

I also reckon that the presence of Kevin Costner in any movie is an indicator that's going to be a shocker. Not only the obvious ones like Waterworld and Robin Hood, but selfindulgent crap and faux mysticism like Field of Dreams and Dances with Camera. The only vaguely good thing he's ever been in is A Perfect World and my theory is that there the presence of St Clint outweighs the presence of Costner.
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
About John Wayne: I know I told this story fairly recently, but this is the perfect arena for it. Someone told me that after hearing John Wayne deliver the line once, the director told him to put more "awe" into it. So on the next take Wayne says, "Ah, truly he was the son of God."

Admiral: I also hated AI (was ready to yell "Just end already!" at the screen at least three times), and was irritated with the way U571 distorted history. Just because Jesus was American doesn't mean all the good guys have to be American.

I must object to the inclusion here of Kevin Costner's Robin Hood - Alan Rickman in a medieval rockabilly haircut makes it all worthwhile. And I love Costner's attempts at a British accent. My best friend and I went around for weeks imitating him: "They have aaah-maaaah, Paaaaaul?" for "They have armor, Paul?"

Presleyterian: I'm with you on The Robe - gotta love the 1950s bras holding up (and slightly outward) the chicks' bazooms under the oh-so-authentic costuming.

One last thing: it is a point of pride with me that I have never seen ET.
 
Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
The penultimate spleen-splitter definitely has to go to "Mission To Mars". I'm not sure if that piece of crap managed to miss any realm of hard science to fuck up. There's a more accurate representation of physics in Road Runner cartoons. My eight-year-old nephew with attention-defecit syndrome has a better understanding of genetics. Bishop Samuel Wilberforce could have presented a better understanding of the theory of evolution.

Dammit. Now I need to wipe the spittle off my screen...

I dunno. I think "Red Planet" ranks right down there with it. Especially the scene where he is cannabalizing an old probe and pulls a PC modem out of it. Although, Carrie-Ann Moss in a tight t-shirt doing that gratuitous overhead switch-snapping scene was worth the watch. [Devil]

[Code tidied while-u-wait]

[ 14 August 2002, 11:28: Message edited by: sarkycow ]
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I must object to the inclusion here of Kevin Costner's Robin Hood - Alan Rickman in a medieval rockabilly haircut makes it all worthwhile.

Yep. Only good thing about the film.

quote:
One last thing: it is a point of pride with me that I have never seen ET.
I haven't either. The little bug was enough to put me off going to the cinema, and a lot of other trailers have put me off going to see a lot of the films mentioned above. The ET character recently resurfaced in some sickening TV commercials ("ET, phone home!") where he coos lovingly at the small boy who is his friend, cocks his head on one side, and simpers with big eyes at the camera. Aahh.
 
Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 
quote:
....Alan Rickman in a medieval rockabilly haircut....
Would that make it a Medieval Mullet? [Big Grin]
 
Posted by ej (# 2259) on :
 
I see my preferences are in good company here [Smile]

Generally anything that wins an Oscar and is over 2 hours long I refuse to see... (Not sure why, but it's worked for me so far! - Probably says more about my refusal to follow the lemmings..)

'Shallow Hal' - hideous piece of bollocky trollop, thinly veiled as an attempt to be positive about body image when all it was was one big fat-joke.

'Event Horizon' - worse sci-fi movie I ever had to endure... bizarre, senseless, idiotic.. I don't care if Dustin Hoffman was in it either...

Anyone remember Krull? That was an awful piece of work... Horseriding and interdimensional travel in the same movie... trippy.

And of course anything with Meg Ryan in it instantly has me calling the great white porcelain God... I felt like slapping her in "When a man loves a woman"
 
Posted by FCB (# 1495) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by ej:
And of course anything with Meg Ryan in it instantly has me calling the great white porcelain God... I felt like slapping her in "When a man loves a woman"

Hear, hear! Do you think we could all chip in and come up with a payoff big enough to bribe Meg into never making another movie?

FCB
 
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
I know I'm putting a large target on me, but I did start this thread, so I'm allowed to.

I LIKE DEAD POETS SOCIETY. So stop slagging it off. Or at least do it on your own thread. Thank you.

Disney cartoons are SO [Projectile] , as they always have the same plot. The only differences ( and sops to the original stories that they are killing ) are the clothes and the background. Sound of music pretty [Puke] , although having read the original ( true ) story, makes it more so.
 
Posted by likeness (# 2773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by MarkthePunk:
The second Austin Powers movie. [Puke] (I have blessedly forgotten the name.)

No "shag" jokes here, then.

I avoided The Wedding Planner but hear it's truly grim.

Attack of the Clones for its appalling, cod-Kurosawa plot (with lots of bits missing).

Dead Poets Society. A boy commits suicide and I thought it uproariously funny. Something seriously amiss there - but not with me, I suspect.

Captain Corelli's Mandolin. The only film ever to be made about the fab island of Keffalonia - and it stank.

Anything "directed" (I use the term loosely) by Roland Emmerich.

quote:
Originally posted by Nica:
Starship Troopers, Armageddon
and everything that just remotely resembles Pretty Woman

With you on Armaggedon (a lot of sound and fury signifying nothing - the ultimate, dumbed down Hollywood action movie) and the execrable Pretty Woman. How exactly do Starship Troopers and Armageddon remotely resemble Pretty Woman though? [Confused] [Confused] [Confused]

Most Oscar winners and anything worthy.

Anything with Julia Roberts (but I liked Erin Brockovich - gosh, did that win an Oscar?)

quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
[tangent]
"My goodness, that spider-thing just ate Diane! Do you think that's why it died?

What could we say? It's not often you see aliens consuming your relatives on TV.[/tangent]

Not often enough, I fear. Would liven up films no end. Dead Poets' Society, for instance.

quote:
Originally posted by tomb:
[tangent]On a more uplifting note, so to speak, another of my wife's cousins writes screenplays, collaborated on The Runaway Bride, and is on a first-name basis with Julia Roberts. Memo to self: must cultivate this relationship assiduously. I haven't seen the film because it's on my retch and pitch list, but would love to meet JR.

[/tangent]

Tomb, you might be less keen after seeing Runaway Bride. It's bad even by JR standards.

As to Jesus' accent, admirers of St.Martin's film The Last Temptation Of Christ know that Jesus did, of course, come from Noo Yawk.

Worst film of all time? Organ (Japanese thriller about organ thieves) which makes no narrative sense whatever.

Thumbs up however for What About Bob?, Dumb and Dumber, Castaway (best ever performance by a volleyball), Starship Troopers and Mimic (even if the ending was stupid). Loved all five.
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Amos and Pres - I had never heard of Sing Along with the Sound of Music. It sounds hilarious.

Yes, I was a singer and costume designer, and I actually appeared in two productions of that dreadful show (a fledgling singer has to take what she can get.) Once, I played the Mother Abbess (the director wisely wanted an operatic singer for that part), and I felt like an absolute fool with that "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" Next time, I was the Baroness.

The orchestra conductor for the first production also was a professor in a Catholic university, and invited the nuns from the school to attend the first performance. In the scene where the troubled Maria, who has run from the villa, is asked if she is in love with the Captain, responds that she felt ready to make her vows at that moment, the group of perhaps 60 nuns burst into uncontrollable laughter. I think they got the idea...
 
Posted by Qestia (# 717) on :
 
Re: Mimic, I saw it on video, and the box sported the phrase "starring Academy award winners F. Murray Abraham and Mira Sorvino", which made me laugh all the way through the film. Sometimes I still walk around saying "meester funny shoes".

Re: Event Horizon--it made me cry! I now avoid movies that may take place in the Dimension of Evil. It really scared me, for some reason. Maybe because some woman in the audience had brought 2 single-digit aged children to see it.

Re: people starting a thread about things that make them gag and then getting mad when one of the things that makes people gag is a movie the thread starter liked:

[Disappointed]
 
Posted by Lux Mundi (# 1981) on :
 
Well all these films make me cringe/ [Puke] :

Scooby Doo
Spiderman
Starwars II: Attack of the Clones
The Never Ending Story
Flight of the Navigator
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Robin Hood Men in Tights
Blues Brothers II
12 Monkeys
Titanic (major [Puke] especially the music, worse than Enya! [Projectile] )
etc etc etc [Disappointed] [Puke]

I do like 'Dead Poets Society', or I did, as I haven't seen it since it came out about 15 years ago.
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
[Eek!] I must protest!

Spiderman was superb! Enya still is!

Superman, on the other hand, is just one big [Puke] [Puke] [Puke] from beginning to end.
"Oh Superman, you're so great..." [Projectile]

(Smilies will be the death of literate civilisation. [Waterworks] )
 
Posted by Merseymike (# 3022) on :
 
Also like Dead Poets Society.

I HATE science fiction. ALL of it. Maybe its just be , but the very appearance of an alien or an astronaut is enough to provoke [Projectile]

Forrest Gump is so, so, horrid. I think it was on the Michael Moore prog that I heard this but apparently a good number of US Republicans thought it was a documentary, and most of them are gun owners.
 
Posted by homerj (# 324) on :
 
"Strictly Ballroom" has the dubious honour of being the only film that has helped me fall asleep on a plane, to tired even to... [Projectile]
Even "Crossroads" didn't do that, although i did start to eat my own foot by the mid point of that one... [Help]
can't remember the name of it, but another recently (also on a plane, there must be a ruke that they can only put really naff films on) was about a girl who kept secrets 'cos she'd been adopted (oops, is that a spoiler [Devil] ?) maybe it was called "secrets" or something, anyway, it had me fondly remembering Crossroads...
 
Posted by Professor Yaffle (# 525) on :
 
On the subject of aircraft films, a friend of mine dragged me along to see Entrapment. Which he was forced to concede was very bad indeed (and not nearly as good as 'Cruel Intentions' which I had dragged him along to see a few weeks previously).

Imagine his chagrin then, a week later on a flight to the states when the aircraft movie came on and the opening titles from Entrapment rolled...

On a related note (what is it with Catherine Zeta Jones exactly?) a friend of mine watching Zorro, bitterly observed, as Anthony Hopkins died in CZJ's arms "marry him Catherine, he's old enough to be your husband".
 
Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
I loved Strictly Ballroom too. I guess I love all the movies everybody hates.

pssssttt: and I am a big Meg Ryan fan. I want to look like her...I want her hair!
 
Posted by Qestia (# 717) on :
 
Strictly Ballroom was a satiric masterpiece! Even my husband thought it was hilarious. I suppose you didn't "get" Best of Show, either?
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Now, I am going to reveal my stupidity and lack of artistic sense to all and sundry. A few years ago, I rented the video "Citizen Kane," because, on Amazon.com, I had seen all sorts of laudatory remarks about its being the best film in history. I thought it was the most boring, confusing, anti climactic film I'd seen.

I've seen worse films than "Titanic" (not too many), and must say that some of the special effects caught one's eye in a theatre. But I think it was telling that, though mostly children were watching, they tended to burst into laughter when, though it had been established that no one could survive more than a few minutes in that frigid water, Jack and Rose spent a far longer time running through it!

Thank you, Nunc - I'd mentioned Dickens in general and Scrooge, but forgot "Oliver!". What could have been more fun than being an uncharacteristically young and attractive East End prostitute? (I wonder why, later, Jack the Ripper found mostly ill, prematurely aged, destitute women in their 40s?) Bumble and the others (other than paupers) in the workhouse were just too funny! Fagin's house was an enormously delightful place. Not that Dickens' original did not have a deficiency here and there, but removing the sordid qualities and replacing them with musical comedy songs has more than a minor flaw...
 
Posted by Clíona (# 2035) on :
 
Am I allowed post here, even though I started that
quote:
increasingly nauseous thread in heaven?
I will brave it, as Schroedinger's Cat admits to being a DPS fan.

Forrest Gump is probably the most over-rated film I've ever seen. Definitely one for [Projectile] ! The same goes for Pretty Woman. I'd like to add that there are many songs that have the same effect, in particular those sung by Ronan Keating, Westlife, Garreth Gates et al...Rubbish, the lot of them! [Puke]
 
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Clíona:
Am I allowed post here, even though I started that
quote:
increasingly nauseous thread in heaven?
I will brave it, as Schroedinger's Cat admits to being a DPS fan.

Note I said "increasingly" - it has gone downhil since you started it ...

And I agree with Ronan Keating - I'm feeling ill just thinking about him.
 
Posted by Merseymike (# 3022) on :
 
I don't feel ill thinking about Ronan Keating...... [Wink]
 
Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 
The Jack and Rose love story in Titanic I couldn't have cared less about, but I liked the movie anyway. It conveyed loss, horror, greed, cowardice, selflessness and grace under extreme circumstances, plus illustrating the folly of declaring anything we make indestructable. I left the theater thinking of those who perished and those who survived for a long time afterwards and pretty much forgot about the ficticious Jack and Rose.
 
Posted by Jesuitical Lad (# 2575) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Equinas:
The Jack and Rose love story in Titanic I couldn't have cared less about, but I liked the movie anyway. It conveyed loss, horror, greed, cowardice, selflessness and grace under extreme circumstances, plus illustrating the folly of declaring anything we make indestructable. I left the theater thinking of those who perished and those who survived for a long time afterwards and pretty much forgot about the ficticious Jack and Rose.

In my case, it elicited feelings of loss (good money spent on a ticket) and horror (that such an atrocious film could be so successful, and have so much spent on it.)

On the question of "greed", however, I agree. Cameron's work conveys it in abundance.
 
Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Jesuitical Lad:
In my case, it elicited feelings of loss (good money spent on a ticket) and horror (that such an atrocious film could be so successful, and have so much spent on it.)

On the question of "greed", however, I agree. Cameron's work conveys it in abundance.

[Razz]
I suppose he did make a lot of money on it, but then, it cost a lot to make in the first place. I wonder if film makers prefer this reaction [Puke] to this [Snore] ?
 
Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
Ah, yes indeed, the references to movies on planes (they definitely have a rule about showing the worst) and Titanic.

On a trans-atlantic flight with the members of my daughter's early-adolescent female chorus, we were treated to "The Man in the Iron Mask" starring the infamous Mr. DiCaprio. To be trapped in 747 without a single empty seat and have to watch such a total lack of acting ability while listening to the swoons and sighs of a bunch of thirteen-somethings. [Help]

[Oh, Rook, I am so happy to find someone else who didn't like the Wizard of Oz as a child!]
 
Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Leo DiCaprio looked like a 12 year old boy in that movie (Titantic) just couldn't get past that.
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
Oh, yes, films one sees on a flight! I remember one, a recent "Little Women," which I saw under those circumstances. I believe the setting was c. 1860, but, as just one example, the daughter who has a chance for her first silk dress is up in arms over the treatment of garment workers in China....

I must say that the absolutely worst film I saw during a flight was "Simply Annie Mary." Mostly misery (father very ill, a child dying, a lost business), ridiculous comedy such as Annie Mary "levitating" when she wore an inflated rubber suit to impersonate Pavarotti in a show, and it was mistakenly inflated with helium.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
How could I forget. I must have blotted this one from my memory. The excruciating Mr Bean. Squirm time.

Hell would consist of a hot, stuffy cinema with a fidgety six foot man right in front of me exchanging little kisses and comments with his girlfriend throughout, three children kicking my seat from behind, and a special three hour showing of Mr Bean.
 
Posted by Lifeman (# 579) on :
 
One film that really must be listed as unpardonable is 'The Patriot' starring Mel Gibson.

This film is worthy of note for heavily fictionalising real events in a not dissimilar way to the infamous 'U571' :-

1) The 'British' forces in the American War of Independence were to a fair extent made up of German units - you no more see Germans in this film that you see Brits or Canadians in 'Saving Private Ryan'.

2) The British are depicted as behaving like Nazi's burning civilians alive in a barn. I don't believe that this ever happened; it is documented that the Nazi's did do this to civilians in Ruusia. Could this be because the director of this film was German.

3) The British army down the ages has generally been very efficient. I think it unlikely that Mel Gibson and his two young sons could hold off a regiment single handed.

I think it is a pity that 'The Patriot' was such a bad film because the British regime of George III was appalling in the way it determined to govern America and a well made, acurate film about how the British were kicked out would be welcomed by me as much as anyone (I enjoyed 'Braveheart' and 'Michael Collins', neither of which put England in a good light).
 
Posted by Second Mouse (# 2793) on :
 
Just posted on the embarrasing tears thread in Heaven, so I'm here to put myself back in a more cynical frame of mind.

Pretty much anything with Hugh Grant in. For goodness sake, man, stop being so wet and standing round looking uncomfortable. And get your fringe cut, [Flaming] Stop flicking it about. He ruined an otherwise very good Jane Austen adaptation, because just the sight of him made me start to growl. (Do mice growl? This one does.)

The Littlest Hobo, and Gentle Ben. [Flaming]

And another vote for the second Austin Powers film. Especially annoying because the first was so funny, so I had high expectations.

Second Mouse
 
Posted by Professor Yaffle (# 525) on :
 
Originally posted by Lifeman:

quote:
(I enjoyed 'Braveheart' and 'Michael Collins', neither of which put England in a good light).
Braveheart was unspeakably ghastly. It bore so little reality to history I expected Sean Connery to turn up and tell Mel Gibson "Ye cannae die McLeod, ye are immortal".

Although the casting of Patrick McGoohan as Hannibal Lecter, er, Edward I was amusing. I kept hoping that a herald would announce:

"All rise for King Edward I"
only to be told
"I am not a number, I am a free man".

Come to think of it we should all be grateful that Mel Gibson did not address the future king of Scotland with the words "G'day Bruce".
 
Posted by Phil Williams (# 812) on :
 
So Braveheart was good, was it Lifeman?

Nah!

The real story of Wallace's struggle against the English would have made a far better movie. Why they had to muck about with it, I don't know.
I've not seen 'Michael Collins' but I gather there was similar exaggeration in that ... when in fact the actual story is sufficiently dramatic and interesting in and of itself.

I'm all for Brit'-bashing movies, provided they're done with a degree of aplomb. I'm Welsh so perfidious Albion deserves a good cinematic kicking from time to time. Saying that, the liberties taken by Mel Gibson etc simply for the sake of the Yankee Dollar ... [Mad]

We're all supposed to treat the Americans with kid gloves since 9/11. And quite right too, but I quite like to scoff at their misdemeanours rather than seeing them glamourised in 'Black Hawk Down' or whatever it was ...

Phil
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
I've seen far worse films, but the discussion of Braveheart reminded me of "Lady Jane" with Helena Bonham Carter, given the common "distortion of history" element. The circumstances of Jane's life and brief reign are so distorted as to make the book verge on the farcical. Whatever factors there were in Jane's situation, no part of it was in any way a "love story." The depiction of the madly romancing couple managing all sorts of reforms (for example, "their shilling" - and, while Jane did not found schools, the thought of schools where children would be cherished being run by her father, of all people, is fantasy beyond Puck) within a matter of a week practically reduces Jane's story to camp.

It was not a poor film, but I did feel disappointed at Shadowlands. Not too bad... unless one knew much about C. S. Lewis.
 
Posted by Scots lass (# 2699) on :
 
Perfect Storm was incredibly bad and I had to sit through it on a bus THREE TIMES!! Everybody died, how can they possibly know what happened?!
Braveheart was also bad for being totally inaccurate history that everybody now thinks is true.
I had the bright idea of going to see the Avengers film, absolutely awful.
Pretty much anything with small children being cute and reuniting their families/dogs/whatever is nauseating. As are those "Inspirational" life stories that get made into TV movies.
 
Posted by likeness (# 2773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Newman's Own:
I must say that the absolutely worst film I saw during a flight was "Simply Annie Mary." Mostly misery (father very ill, a child dying, a lost business)...

Yes, terrible. Should have had it on my list. The sort of British film that epitomises everything I hate about British movies. Couldn't make up its mind what it wanted to be and kept changing gear.
 
Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Qestia:
Strictly Ballroom was a satiric masterpiece!

I did enjoy that film. The toothpaste grins and the fantastically big hair! Wonderful.

It was just so full of cliches. A truly inspiring tale of love, dance and Cuban heels.

I saw something about the making of the film. At one stage the girl's granny is thumping out the beat on the guy's chest. But she couldn't actually keep the rhythm. There is an assistant patting her on the bum, to keep her temp right.

bb
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Phil Williams:
We're all supposed to treat the Americans with kid gloves since 9/11.

Oh, please. As if the US-bashing ever lets up around here.

quote:
And quite right too, but I quite like to scoff at their misdemeanours rather than seeing them glamourised in 'Black Hawk Down' or whatever it was ...
The movie was based on a book written by a reporter for the Philadelphia Inquirer. Having read it, I can assure you that it does not glamorize the debacle in Mogadishu. Here's the New York Times review of the book (you'll have to register for the site, but it's free): NY Times review of "Black Hawk Down" (book)

I didn't see the movie, but the reviews I read said it was a straightforward, non-heroic portrayal of what happened. Here's one review: Roger Ebert's review of "Black Hawk Down" (movie)
 
Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
Thank you, Professor Yaffle. You reminded me of the unquestionably worst movie of all time - Highlander 2: The Quickening. Roger Ebert said that it was "the most hilariously incomprehensible movie ... almost awesome in its badness." It was so bad that a radically re-edited "Renegade Version" was later released in which the plot was completely changed.

By the way Merseymike, I am a sci-fi-loving, registered-Republican, US gun owner and I thought your comment was a cheap shot which was out of place, if not out of character.

scot
 
Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by jlg:
[Oh, Rook, I am so happy to find someone else who didn't like the Wizard of Oz as a child!]

I saw that movie when I was four years old, and it terrified me.

I had an idea about what was supposed to be alive and what wasn't. Seeing the Scarecrow and the Tin Man moving and talking was very frightening for me.

If I had gone with an adult I would have asked to leave. Since I was with some slightly older children I didn't say anything. I was afraid they would call me a baby.

I had nightmares for years afterward.

Moo
 
Posted by Merseymike (# 3022) on :
 
Scot : should I cogratulate you for being willing to admit to it, or recommend therapy?

[Devil]
 
Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
Merseymike, the day I start taking your recommendations is the day I will really need therapy. If you really feel like you want to display your ignorance, please start a thread on why you feel qualified to suggest that people like me are unusually likely to be idiots. Otherwise, how about taking my original point that your political sputum seems to be unrelated to the topic at hand.

scot
 
Posted by Qestia (# 717) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Scots lass:
Perfect Storm was incredibly bad and I had to sit through it on a bus THREE TIMES!! Everybody died, how can they possibly know what happened?!

Absolutely! Plus we were supposed to think that guy and his girlfriend had such a deep love, when she had given him a black eye and the scenes of them together were truly hellish?

quote:
Originally posted by Scots lass:I had the bright idea of going to see the Avengers film, absolutely awful.

As a longtime Ralph Fiennes fan, this film couldn't have been more dissappointing, even with the gratuitous bum shot.

Re: Titanic, all the running around Jack and Rose were doing, you think they might have grabbed a lifejacket for Jack. That's what true love is. Or let him up on the wood she was floating on. It looked like there was room!

I'm throwing down another gauntlet and saying how much I disliked Jerry Maguire, as well. First off, that kid was definitely [Puke] -inducing, secondly, Renee Zellweger and the squinty-you had me from hello just made me [Projectile] . I didn't forgive her until Bridget Jones' Diary, which was highly amusing.
 
Posted by ThatsMrJuice2U (# 3076) on :
 
"Strange Days" was absolutely the most unpleasant movie I have ever seen. And "The Associate" with Whoopi Goldberg was a thoroughly preachy, boring "Tootsie" ripoff. I caught about 15 minutes of "Little Nicky" with Adam Sandler, and what I saw was so bad I don't ever want to sit through the whole thing.
 
Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Moo:
quote:
Originally posted by jlg:
[Oh, Rook, I am so happy to find someone else who didn't like the Wizard of Oz as a child!]

I saw that movie when I was four years old, and it terrified me...
I had nightmares for years afterward.

For some reason WOO was shown annually when I was growing up... And my family sat through it every time. I cried every time. My mom seemed to think I was moved by it somehow... It was really because I hated it!!! (Except for the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow... Harold Arlen wrote some wonderful music!)
 
Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by mysticlisa:
For some reason WOO was shown annually when I was growing up...

Damn thing's still shown annually in Canada - usually around Thanksgiving (er, the Canadian one). Like the CBC doesn't give me enough reasons to read a book instead as it is. Whenever I venture to my parents place to lay seige to their kitchen at that time of year, they usually try to ruin my appetite and fend me off by tuning in tWOO.

Merseymike, I'm not a Republican (or American for that matter), don't own a gun (mentioned I wasn't American, right?), but I'm with Scot on this one. Unless you are content with the metaphysical neon sign above your avatar saying "technophobe", how about stating something more specific? Be sure to compose it carefully on that handy desktop "thinking machine" you use to access this bulletin board - because I'll really enjoy testing your comments on you for rectal fit.
 
Posted by Robert Miller (# 1459) on :
 
E.T - What a complete and utter crock of sh*t. Who watched that when it first came out and cried? - you sad morons get a life. All I have to say further on that is [Projectile]

Best/worst spoiling of a movie (which I've never seen) - My brother telling me that in "The Usual Suspects" the guy with the limp did it. Apparently he did it at a cinema line too [Disappointed]
 
Posted by Rhisiart (# 69) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Lifeman:
One film that really must be listed as unpardonable is 'The Patriot' starring Mel Gibson.

<snip>

2) The British are depicted as behaving like Nazi's burning civilians alive in a barn. I don't believe that this ever happened; it is documented that the Nazi's did do this to civilians in Ruusia. Could this be because the director of this film was German.

Lifeman

I believe the scene to which you refer had the British locking 'rebels' in a church and burning it down. This did not happen during the War of Independence/Revolutionary War (delete as appropriate for position on east or west of Atlantic)...

Instead, it happened in Ireland some twenty years later during the United Irishmen uprising of Wolfe Tone, where the British set fire to some Catholics in this way. Complaints about 'The Patriot' as anti-British have always seemed rather lame to me, given that fact.
 
Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
I guess then it is ok to invent lies about any nation. I suppose if a film was made about the Invasion of Grenada involving the bombing of a wedding party combined with the detention of grendian officials with no protection under the geneva convention that would be OK?

I believe that historical accuracy is quite important and in the patriot I seem to remember misses out the fact that a plantation owner would have had slaves.
 
Posted by Rhisiart (# 69) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Nightlamp:
I guess then it is ok to invent lies about any nation. I suppose if a film was made about the Invasion of Grenada involving the bombing of a wedding party combined with the detention of grendian officials with no protection under the geneva convention that would be OK?

I believe that historical accuracy is quite important and in the patriot I seem to remember misses out the fact that a plantation owner would have had slaves.

Not having seen the movie, I don'e know whether it is a 'good film', nor did I say that it is OK to 'make up lies'. The Patriot is clearly not historically accurate and that error, along with others mentioned, mean that you shouldn't take a line on the American Revolution from it.

What I objected to was the hyped-up anger of the British press and others who took offence at the church-burning, saying 'this never happened and it's a slander upon Britain to suggest our troops would ever do such a thing'. The fact is that British troops did do such things - no doubt other countries' forces were equally as bad - and the fake horror that 'we never did this to the Americans' seems to hide the fact that 'we did do it to the Irish'. From a film and historical point of view, 'borrowing' the event from another war is dreadful - but it was still an act by British troops against 'rebels' in the same century, just a bit closer to home than the 13 colonies.

Sorry, this is a tangent, and I'll calm down now.
 
Posted by Qestia (# 717) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Robert Miller:
Best/worst spoiling of a movie (which I've never seen) - My brother telling me that in "The Usual Suspects" the guy with the limp did it. Apparently he did it at a cinema line too [Disappointed]

I nominate my spouse for the best/worst spoiling of a movie. He told a friend before she saw "Grand Canyon" that it was pretty good, but sad when everyone died at the end. So the whole movie she's steeling herself for this moment, right up till the end when all the characters are staring at the Grand Canyon and she's thinking they're about to fall in it. Which of course never happened, and they were all fine.
 
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
The newest offense: in the movie of A.S. Byatt's Possession they've made Roland an American. What a bone-headed thing to do. I loved this book, and I've been looking forward to the movie. Now I don't know if I can bear to see it.

review from the industry rag (LA Times)
 
Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
i loved that book, too, but paltrow? is that the best they could do?

all jaws sequals s**k.

wizard of oz, however, rules.

"fly my pretties!"
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
To take just one more shot at the Sound of Music, with relation to historical accuracy, I believe it was just slightly off the mark (at least in the theatrical version - I don't recall if the dialogue at the ball is included in the film) to assume that no Austrians supported the Third Reich.

The part of the dreadful Titanic which angered me most was that Rose, at the film's conclusion, tosses the priceless jewel into the sea! All I could think of was that her family could never have had to worry about financial security for generations for what that jewel was worth!

I also shall pan, as a whole and without reservation, any of the biblical flicks of the 1950s that featured Jesus in a minor role and never showed his face.
 
Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
I can't think of a single Bible flick that doesn't make me gag with the possible exception of The Life of Brian.
 
Posted by Newman's Own (# 420) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
I can't think of a single Bible flick that doesn't make me gag with the possible exception of The Life of Brian.

I did love Zeffirelli's "Jesus of Nazareth." The others... well, that could be a wonderful thread in itself!

So let it be written. So let it be done! [Wink]
 
Posted by likeness (# 2773) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Newman's Own:
I also shall pan, as a whole and without reservation, any of the biblical flicks of the 1950s that featured Jesus in a minor role and never showed his face.

What, even Ben Hur which has the coolest chariot race sequence EVER! (Even if much else in its 5 1/2 hours is pretty stodgy).

I always liked Barabbas. The condemned man who is released ("the light hurts my eyes") because Jesus died in his place. Then spends the rest of the film obsessed with but unabe to comprehend this extraordinary fact. There are also terrific gladiator fights, Sicilian salt mine sequences and more. I believe you can now pick it up on DVD.
 
Posted by Sabra (# 2276) on :
 
So good to see others who hate Disney...Being a fan of fairy tales, I particularly hated The Little Mermaid, which I only saw because I had a headache and thought all the blue in the movie would be soothing...Ariel's supposed to die, dammit!

I found U-571 bearable only for the fact that I saw it with my hubby & a friend of his (both submariners) and we spent the whole movie making fun of their various inaccuracies...

For that matter, I find nearly every sub movie [Projectile] worthy, with the exception of Das Boot. And I have been forced to watch a good many.

Not much to add that's new, though I did particularly hate Wild, Wild West, which was the most annoyingly racist movie I have seen in a while. Also:

The Blair Witch Project
The Mummy Returns
Austin Powers
(yep, I hated the first one)

The Sound of Music...For some odd reason, my 8th-grade German teacher made us watch this. Oh wait, I recall. He liked Switzerland, and at the end of the movie, they run into Switzerland.
 
Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
Spiderman. Was glancing at my watch all the way through, wondering how much more I had to endure (at the end discovered allmy friends had been doing the same, we should have walked out en masse). Bizzare lines like: "You're taller than you look stop hunching your shoulders," when he wasn't. And the never ending, truly [Projectile] speeches, where Peter Parker/MaryJane goes on and on about how wonderful the other's eyes are.

Totally agree with all that's been said about Titanic. In fact, anything with Lenny the Kipper in is pretty suspect in my book.

(BTW - don't you dare suggest killing off Ariel! She's the brightest light on board the Ship! Oh, you meant someone different? [Embarrassed] My mistake.)
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Sabra:
Ariel's supposed to die, dammit!

I object to that.

I thought the cracks about washing powder were bad enough. Now I'm getting death threats.

Wanderer, thanks and remind me to increase your salary. And get you a user name I can type correctly first time.
 
Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
(Although it is interesting to know where Ariel got her name from. There I was thinking she'd been all classical and Shakesperian, when she'd just pinched it from Disney. Ah well, she could have chosen Baloo I suppose. Or Snow White. Simon, if I pay you enough could you make the Little Mermaid Ariel's avatar? This could be a way of making some serious money, if we could pay to chose/alter shipmates's images!)
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Don't you dare even think about it. You do and I'll get Simon to change yours to Noo Noo from the Teletubbies. That should look good when you post in Purgatory.
 
Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
Well, it might improve my image of academic respectability! (Certainly can't harmit . . . .)
 
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
I'm also going to nominate "Treasures of the snow". The Book is OK if a little trite ( we were reading it to the boys over the holidays ), but the film is seriously gagworthy. Little house on the praire meets Heidi meets The Sound of Music, all in soft focus.

[Projectile]
 
Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
The Thin Red Line is the only movie I have ever got up and walked out of (and I just sat through spy kids 2 with my four boys, who loved it [Roll Eyes] ) utter utter utter shit. Never mind gagging I just hated every poseurish, overblown, quasi artistic bullshit filled moment of it. Did I tell you it was utter shit?

P

The thin red load of bollocks
 
Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
i love thin red line. [Razz] can't decide if it's because of Jim C's sex appeal, or Sean Penn who looks eerily like my padre. maybe it's the (almost complete) lack of a sappy love story like the type that ruined spiderman.
 
Posted by Shoehorn with Teeth (# 2420) on :
 
Grease.
A bunch of "teenagers" (played by actors in their 20s and 30s) with no self control or self respect.

Oh, and the singing and dancing. That was bearable.
 
Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
I walked out of Mad Max. Genuine gagging. Now that I think of it, I've also walked out of Pollyanna (with the toe-curlingly embarrassing Hayley Mills).
 
Posted by Professor Yaffle (# 525) on :
 
Originally posted by Presleyterian:

quote:
John Wayne as a Roman centurion is a helluva lot more believable that John Wayne as Genghis Khan, the role he played in "The Conqueror." His best line upon gazing at the opposing tribe's princess played by Susan Hayward (again with the Susan Hayward!): "I see the Tartar woman and my blood says take her."
I have always wanted to see this film. If only because I have heard wonderful things of the Duke's wooing technique with Miss Hayward.

"Say, you're beautiful in your wrath".
 
Posted by Merseymike (# 3022) on :
 
The Sound of Music is wonderful.
Its not my faultall of you who don't love it are heterosexual and just don't understand
 
Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
The Sound of Music is wonderful, but only in the Dress Up and Sing Along version. Tell me, Merseymike what did you go as? Liesl, I bet.
 
Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
i can't find the other movie threads, and since i'm sure some will want to riducle and gag, i'll put my post here.

i saw Possession last night. yes, enormous details are left out (where's val? the glass coffin theme? etc.), but i read the book several years ago, so i can't remember it all anyway.

and i prefer the suggestion of sexual encounter, rather than the clumsy, gratuitous movie scene, though they didn't get carried away, thankfully, but all in all, i enjoyed it. (if you don't read the book before the movie, try to at least read these poems: Maud, Christabel, and Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came.)
 
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
As we're in slagging off movies mode - the New Scooby Doo movie is really quite bad.

I suspect the influence of SMG was too strong - maye she has it is her contract that she has to kick people, adnthere has to be something supernatural going on. But it wasn't Scooby. It was a cartoonised version of Buffy.

And as such, unsuitable for my kids who love the real Scooby ( and watch it avidly! ). The original ideas ( Kids find themselves somewhere. Odd happenings. Finally unmasked as the Janitor/Rival with some fun tricks ) are far better.
 
Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Mrs. Campbellite and I has the singular misfortune of seeing The English Patient in theater. The cinematography was spectacular, but the story was boring as hell.

Mrs. Campbellite absolutely LOATHES Wizard of Oz. I don't care about it one way or the other.
 
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
The English Patient is much better on Video. In short doses. Not a particularly bad film, but slower that a squashed hedgehog.
 


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