quote:

---

Originally posted by Pyx_e:
or (can't remember who said this first) Told you I was ill.

---

It was the late Spike Milligan, and I was going to suggest it!

How about 'Don't try this at home'
 

---

Posted by Buttons (# 2108) on :
 
Mine should probably read

'It seemed like a good idea at the time'
 

---

Posted by Hull Hound (# 2140) on :
 
"nothing to see here"
 

---

Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
I think Robert Frost said it best:

And were an epitaph to be my story
I'd have a short one ready for my own.
I would have written of me on my stone:
I had a lover's quarrel with the world.

And he did.
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
Erin, I always thought it was, I had a lover's quarrel with life.

Moo
 

---

Posted by thethinker (# 2344) on :
 
here lies .... ......

And he's bloody annoyed!
 

---

Posted by Hooker's Trick (# 89) on :
 
I hope they have martinis in heaven.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Rock of Ages cleft for me.
 

---

Posted by Sigmund (# 3002) on :
 
Fat, bald git. C'mon gimme something to work with here.
 

---

Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
Gravestone? I don't plan to have one.

I will be stuffed, mounted and auctioned on Ebay. The proceeds will be donated to a worthy cause.

scot
 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Scot:
I will be stuffed, mounted and auctioned on Ebay. The proceeds will be donated to a worthy cause.

---

You know, I DO have this rather empty corner in the den... I'll start the bidding at a Loonie. Do you think you'll be hard to dust?

I, personally, have no intention of dying. It's been done to -er, <wince> Sorry.
 

---

Posted by Fr. Gregory (# 310) on :
 
Lord have mercy.
 

---

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
Leg pulling hat on

Fr G "Lord have mercy." ....... in an orthodox way.

Leg pulling hat off

P
 

---

Posted by Miss High Jinks (# 3048) on :
 
Mine would say:

Beneath this sod
Lies another


 

---

Posted by troy (# 2516) on :
 
"I'm sorry, Troy's not here right now. Please leave a message by the tombstone and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks a bunch!"
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Going straight to Heaven. Already served my time in Purgatory.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Now that I'm dead I have been buried upside down so the world can kiss my arse!
 

---

Posted by Regina Caeli (# 2343) on :
 
Nice one Dolphy.

How about:

"I'm not dead, really. It's an optical illusion. Aren't I good?"

x
 

---

Posted by Dorothy's Friend (# 2824) on :
 
"Still waiting for the asteroid!"

Actually, I'm going to buried at sea so that I can have the last laugh on all those who threatened to dance on my grave.
 

---

Posted by David Carrington (# 2541) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Scot:
I will be stuffed, mounted and auctioned on Ebay. The proceeds will be donated to a worthy cause.

---

Can we start bidding now?

I always dreamed I'd be laid to rest in Westminster Abbey. I'll be resting in a see-through coffin with "in case of emergency break glass" printed above it.

The other route is to copy Jeremy Bentham and have yourself pickled and sat at the head of the table somewhere - the cabinet room in Downing Street would be fun.
 

---

Posted by Iestyn (# 2422) on :
 
I know that some of my friends would like to put:

"Died in March, buried in August. Sorry, he was a Viola Player"
 

---

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 
She was full of good intentions - and we all know where they lead...


 

---

Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:
You know, I DO have this rather empty corner in the den... I'll start the bidding at a Loonie. Do you think you'll be hard to dust?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Scot:
However, pre-bidding is encouraged. I may opt to set a "Buy It Now" option for this auction if I can work out what my wife would take for me.

---

quote:

---

Are you any good at ironing?

---

quote:

---

What do you cost in terms of up keep?

---

quote:

---

Do you have any allergies?

---

quote:

---

Any objections to sleeping in a shed?

---

Why would I start objecting now?

By the way, my wife has indicated that since she has no idea what I'm good for, she has no idea what to charge for me. I'm not sure what that means...

scot
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
"Now available in hologram version".
 

---

Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
"god knows i tried"
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
He's in heaven now. Get on with your lives.
 

---

Posted by Rhyzome (# 2398) on :
 
Here lies Rhyzome.

2002 to

Don't worry about Him

He prefers to be underground!
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
"Go Away and Leave Me Alone. And Don't Piss on My Rock. I Paid Too Much For It."
 

---

Posted by Blue (# 3067) on :
 
Now Blue and fluffy

or

What do you think you're staring at?

--------------------
D. Blue Esq.
 

---

Posted by George Spigot (# 253) on :
 
Two pints please.
 

---

Posted by Hull Hound (# 2140) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rhyzome:
Here lies Rhyzome.

2002 to

Don't worry about Him

He prefers to be underground!

---

It is best not to compost a hardy rhyzome. Simply incinerate to avoid it popping up through the earth.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I once asked my (soon-to-be) ex this question, and he said "'What are you looking at?!'"

I myself plan to be cremated. Or Creamora'd, if my friends don't object.

 

---

Posted by Bonzo (# 2481) on :
 

quote:

---

I will be stuffed, mounted and auctioned on Ebay

---

Scott, I have often wanted to tell you to get stuffed!
 

---

Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
Thank you for your interest, Bonzo.

If you are the successful bidder, you will have the opportunity to stuff whatever you want, where ever you want.

Happy bidding!
 

---

Posted by Hull Hound (# 2140) on :
 
Scot, in a just society we would all get a piece of you
 

---

Posted by David Carrington (# 2541) on :
 
Scot, would it be possible to get you on a two week trial? I can provide an address if your wife would like to invoice me.

Getting back to the gravestone thingy, apparently Billy Connelly's plan is to have a large concrete slab laid over his grave.

His epitaph will be printed in very small font, slap bang in the middle so visitors will have to clamber on top and get very close to read: "you're kneeling on my balls".

[Too many ons.]

[ 28 July 2002, 19:50: Message edited by: sarkycow ]
 

---

Posted by Alaric the Goth (# 511) on :
 
He wæs on Norðhymbran hardes cynnæs
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dorothy's Friend:

Actually, I'm going to buried at sea so that I can have the last laugh on all those who threatened to dance on my grave.

---

Nice one!!!!!

[I don't know why I bothered but the UBB code for a smilie was messed up]

[ 26 July 2002, 12:52: Message edited by: Nightlamp ]
 

---

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
"Can someone post on the ship, cos I know they will be worried".

Far too sad really ....
 

---

Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hull Hound:
Scot, in a just society we would all get a piece of you

---

Yes Hull Hound, but in a rational society, you have to pay for the privilege!

Happy bidding!
 

---

Posted by EQUINAS (# 2907) on :
 
Under the mercy.
 

---

Posted by Hull Hound (# 2140) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Scot:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hull Hound:
Scot, in a just society we would all get a piece of you

---

Yes Hull Hound, but in a rational society, you have to pay for the privilege!

Happy bidding!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
"Can someone post on the ship, cos I know they will be worried".

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jesuitical Lad:
...Look on my tomb, ye mighty, and despair....

---

Indeed.
 

---

Posted by Amorya (# 2652) on :
 
http://www.worth1000.com/posts/image/9394_w.jpg

Amorya
 

---

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
tomb - I do wonder what you would have.

entombed tomb?

tomb within and without?

hellhost no more ( I hope )?
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
As a child, I went to look round an overgrown graveyard (we had a questionnaire with things to look for), and I found a tombstone with my name on it. I went to find a friend to show her, but when I went back I couldn't find it anywhere. Spooky or what?!
 

---

Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Welcome to Hell Amorya.

Viki, hellhost

PS Ok, so I was looking for an excuse to post here, just for the Famous Last Post: On my gravestone it will say...Sarkycow!
 

---

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
We can tattoo it on your forehead if you like

P
 

---

Posted by RadicalEd (# 3085) on :
 
My gravestone would read,

She smelled suspiciously of olives and mushrooms.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
"Death by Chocolate"
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam

(I have no intention of dying before we have met at least one alien race).
 

---

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
Chapelhead meet Dyfrig........

P
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
oooooooooooooh Pyx_e, you are a one!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
"OOPS"
 

---

Posted by frater-frag (# 2184) on :
 
Being an notorious Quake3 player(WFA), hence my nick, my tombstone would have this words:

"Fragged at last, awaiting final respawn!"


 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 
On the top of my screen as I read this thread it says:-

Ship of Fools Bulletin Board - 'On my tombstone it will say'... Microsoft Internet Explorer

At least my departure will rid the world of two problems!!!!
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 
Yeah, yeah - I know
Gravestone, not tombstone.


 

---

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
"I told you I needed some help"
 

---

Posted by Karl (# 76) on :
 
"I don't care how 'long an innings' I had - I'd rather not be dead"
 

---

Posted by David Carrington (# 2541) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Coot:
David Carrington suspiciously typed:
"Scot, would it be possible to get on you on a two week trial?"

There must be a typo or a superfluous 'on' in there...

---

I know what I meant to type!

When I die I would love to achieve the same sort of immortality as Sid Vicious when his mum dropped the urn containing his ashes down an air vent at JFK airport.

I'm wondering if I could be pumped into a McDonalds, and RIP on a Big Mac - (I might even raise the percentage of meat in the burger)?
 

---

Posted by Fr.Philip (# 2801) on :
 
In Exeter Cathedral, if I remember correctly, there is an interesting tomb. It shows a priest on his slab. Below is his rotting corpse (both carved in stone). Behind is a fresco of the resurrection.

As you look at it you read the words spoken by the corpse:

"As thou art so once was I. As I am so shalt thou be."

This is rather gloomy!



The then excellent Dean of the cathedral showed me something more:

If you kneel down (Humble yourself) you see the icon beyond it. Now the Saviour speaks to the corpse:

"As thou art so once was I. As I am so shalt thou be."


 

---

Posted by Professor Yaffle (# 525) on :
 
Well, I was going to suggest "He wanted to live for ever and died trying" but after Father Philip's contribution, that seems a little superficial.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Found the lost chord at last.
 

---

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
A sentence that lends itself to all sorts of Spoonerisms

P
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
"Over My Dead Body"
 

---

Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
"Born in the Year 1959"
"Died in the Year 2525"

Don't think it'd be much fun after that.

Of course I have no wish to be a "Sibyl in a bottle." Health, mobility and long life, that's the ticket!
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
I will be having two funerals, one according to the BCP for my friends and fellow parishioners, and one according to mixed Baptist/Disciple of Christ/Restoration Branch/Community of Christ/those pesky and hardheaded Dillons ritual. My ashes are going to be divided with some buried in St Mark's Columbarium and some in the Dillon plot in Newburg, Missouri.

So my epitaph should be:

Visit my branch office.
 

---

Posted by LatinMan (# 1892) on :
 
Dyin' ain't much of a livin'
 

---

Posted by LowFreqDude (# 3152) on :
 
"I don't believe someone wasted good money on a block of granite and 18 cubic feet of dirt"

or

"Warning: Viewers may suffer Rapture related whiplash"

Ithankyou.

LFD
 

---

Posted by frater-frag (# 2184) on :
 
"Please get me out of this box, i can´t breath in here"


 

---

Posted by kenwritez (# 3238) on :
 
MY NAME
D.O.B. / D.O.D.

Below, a cartoon chiseled into the stone:

My fresh-filled grave, and the preacher standing nearby, patting his pockets, saying, "Anyone seen my car keys?"
 

---

Posted by Karl (# 76) on :
 
"Here lies Karl, and he's bloody annoyed about it"
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
Love is the only thing that matters.
 

---

Posted by Gambit (# 766) on :
 
"If you hear scrabbling, dig here",
"What does this button do?"

or, simply,

"In the words of Homer Simpson "I've seen some sucks that sucked, but this is the suckiest suck that ever sucked." "
 

---

Posted by zephirine of the roses (# 3323) on :
 
boing
 

---

Posted by Duo Seraphim (# 3251) on :
 
RIP

DUO SERAPHIM


Loon and Scholar

"Elsewhere"

BTW:I considered "Mostly Harmless" but of course Douglas Adams got there first.

I would also like to put in a bid for Scot, after the taxidermist has finished with him. My chambers could use a wigstand or conversation piece. It would certainly make a change from the usual Egyptian sarcophagus, stuffed animal, Roman bust or chicken skeleton one sees decorating chambers here in Phillip Street.
 

---

Posted by Laudate Dominum (# 3104) on :
 
"Oh, when I come to die, give me Jesus."

Scot--I may have to bid on you just so I can have a matched set; my literature (and Latin and Greek and occasionally ancient history) teacher always said one of two things to us concerning his death: "If I keel over, put me out in the rubbish with my hat on," or, "If I die, have me stuffed in this position (arms outstreched) and use me as a hatrack."
 

---

Posted by Laudate Dominum (# 3104) on :
 
Oh, goodness--I just realized that the title on the boards page now reads: "on my gravestone it will say Laudate Dominum" which is quite lovely, actually....
 

---

Posted by Gambit (# 766) on :
 
You could always say

"Back soon, communing with the Almighty at present".

or you could just try

"Damn"

or even,

"I knew I shouldn't have annoyed Erin"




{tidied code}

[ 25. October 2002, 17:51: Message edited by: tomb ]
 

---

Posted by Gambit (# 766) on :
 
Can some kind host please clean up my appalling UBB code? Without the sarky comments?

Cheers

Gambit(See, I can do it!)
 

---

Posted by Melchizedec (# 2073) on :
 
"See you soon."
 

---

Posted by MatrixUK (# 3452) on :
 
Glad I took the red pill.

OR

Prov 6:6
 

---

Posted by Miss Nomer (# 1430) on :
 
My mum always said that my gravestone would read:

I didn't mean to....

Can't think why
 

---

Posted by PeteB (# 2357) on :
 
How about Martin Elginbrodde's?

Here lie I Martin Elginbrodde,
Ha'e mercy on my soul, Lord God,
As I would do were I Lord God
- and ye were Martin Elginbrodde.

or my real favourite from Jim Watts (the boxer)

You can stop counting now.

Cheers,

Pete
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gambit:
Can some kind host please clean up my appalling UBB code? Without the sarky comments?

Cheers

Gambit(See, I can do it!)

---

Already done before I saw your request. Usually, I don't make nasty comments unless I'm in a particularly pissy mood. Congratulations! You lucked out.

tomb
 

---

Posted by MCC (# 3137) on :
 
Nothing.

If my will is put into effect, my body is going for organ donation and medical research. If any part of it is any use of course!
 

---

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
"He died a happy man."

P

( 3 months to get to 100 posts, but hey at least I didnt have to kiss ass for this one)
 

---

Posted by Atlanta (# 2659) on :
 
Dawn has Broken!!!!!
 

---

Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on :
 
Quote from Pontius Pilate, the patron... er... saint? of writers:

John 19.22: What I have written, I have written

The patron saint of editors is of course King Jehoiakim - see Jeremiah 36.23
 

---

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
"Guilt is the Gift that Keeps On Giving" -- (from Garrison Keillor, A Prairie Home Companion)
 

---

Posted by Arrietty (# 45) on :
 
I went to Heaven, and all my family got me was this lousy gravestone
 

---

Posted by Melchizedec (# 2073) on :
 
I saw a lovely one in Cornerstone yesterday:

"Death is not the dying of a lamp - it is the putting out of the lamp because dawn has come."

Personally I'd prefer

"THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT."
 

---

Posted by Wandering with Hope (# 3431) on :
 
on my tombstone:

No solicitor's allowed, telezapper installed.
 

---

Posted by Columcille (# 1384) on :
 
Don't piss on my grave, it's wired to the mains.
 

---

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
As a child, I went to look round an overgrown graveyard (we had a questionnaire with things to look for), and I found a tombstone with my name on it. I went to find a friend to show her, but when I went back I couldn't find it anywhere. Spooky or what?!

---

NO, just another bloody woman without a sense of direction!!

Modelled on a previous post, I'm fond of the epitaph that reads:

'As now I am, so soon you'll be
Prepare thyself to follow me.'

But with the alleged grafitto:

'To follow thee I'm not content
Until I know which way you went.....'
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 
This!
 

---

Posted by Elizabeth of Tenth Street (# 3555) on :
 
"I Told You I Was Sick!"
 

---

Posted by ThatsMrJuice2U (# 3076) on :
 
Adios, amigos!
 

---

Posted by ThoughtCriminal (# 3030) on :
 
Don't want to have my grave marked in any way (would prefer a fruit bearing tree to be planted on top or something similar), but if I were to have one it would read:

Name
2 dates
AND WE DON'T STOP
 

---

Posted by ChrisT (# 62) on :
 
About time too.
 

---

Posted by Mad Geo (# 2939) on :
 
I finally got the last comment.....

(but probably not today on this thread)
 

---

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :
 
Oi! You're standing on my foot!
 

---

Posted by homerj (# 324) on :
 
"I'm sure he'll be here in 5 minutes or so..."
 

---

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