quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
I'm having a dinner party in three weeks. I've invited fellow writers and also some attorneys. How do I offer drinks to my guests without the well-known alcoholic predations of the writers and lawyers completely draining my bar before the other guests have even nibbled their cocktail olive?

---

Well, if it was me, it can't be done. And I'm having the olive as well.

But for some (lesser) lawyers the following might work. You need, depending on how much you like your fellow guests, either a thick-skinned accomplice, or a pompous and verbose victim. Get him to arrive first. When the lawyers turn up, introduce your mark, who you've primed with such opening lines as:

"Wouldn't it be a good idea if all attornies where paid on a fixed fee scale linked to the national average wage?"

"Don't you think that the lawyers must bear most of the responsibility for the Terri Schiavo case?"

"Isn't it disgraceful that it needs more intellectual ability to qualify as a New York cab driver than pass the New York Bar exams?"

Keep the drinks at the far end of the room. And bring over just enough to keep the conversation from flagging.
 

---

Posted by Vikki Pollard (# 5548) on :
 
I'm ordering 200 WWSD? bracelets. PM me if you want one.
 

---

Posted by Off Centre View (# 4254) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Vikki Pollard:
I'm ordering 200 WWSD? bracelets. PM me if you want one.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Sine, I'm having a dinner party in three weeks. I've invited fellow writers and also some attorneys. How do I offer drinks to my guests without the well-known alcoholic predations of the writers and lawyers completely draining my bar before the other guests have even nibbled their cocktail olive?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
What do you do when you have dinner guests due to arrive in fifteen minutes and you discover a red wine stain on your white linen tablecloth?

---

BTW...the answer to this is "get out your liquid white shoe polish".
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Dear Sine,

I have friends coming from West Virginia. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Twilight
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Make sure the front porch is reinforced so's when yer sittin a spell to visit it don't collapse and kill all the dawgs.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Thank you Sine, that's a marvelous tip.

Now here's some more details of the (real) problem.

They are my girlfriends from childhood days - sort of my own ya-ya sisterhood. It's a rare moment in time when they are all free to drive three hours to spend a night out - so I wasn't about to say no when they called. The trouble is, that particular week is when we plan to move from this house to a new one.

Here's the real question: Should I entertain this wild bunch with their unruly wine glasses and dodgy dip trays in my brand new house on my brand new suede sofas, or can I call it a "slumber party" and set up in the half empty old house?

Yours in trepidation,
Twilight
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Oh dear. You do have a problem.

Unfortunately, we need to remember that our friends are more important than our material possessions. If these suede sofas are going to be a source of tension for you when people come over you might just as well go ahead and return them now and get something else you'll be more comfortable having your guests sit on.

Or cover them with clear vinyl slipcovers. Since your friends are from West Virginia they won't think a thing about it.
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
Slumber party, most definitely!

To cover up the fact that you're entertaining in a living room with nothing in it but the stuff you're leaving behind (so the new owners will have to haul it to the dump, thus saving you the trouble), you'll announce it with glee as "It'll be just like when we were kids and Suzie's mom made us have the sleepover in the basement!"
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Of course the problem with a slumber party is that Twilight is a self-professed "old biddy" so one assumes her childhood friends are old biddies also.

Entertaining in a half-empty house could produce a rash of "I've fallen and I can't get up." incidents once they get down to floor level after swilling all that wine.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Well, Sine is exactly right and made me feel sorely ashamed of myself.

But Jennifer thinks just like I do!

So I may have a nice dinner for them at the new house and then we'll all retire to the old house where we can have our slumber party and "be more private."

Thanks, both of you!
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Of course the problem with a slumber party is that Twilight is a self-professed "old biddy" so one assumes her childhood friends are old biddies also.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:

How best to recover from your daughter giving her grandmother an embarassingly large marital aid for Christmas?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Not Too Bad:
My question to Dear Sine...

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:

How best to recover from your daughter giving her grandmother an embarassingly large marital aid for Christmas?

---

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
Thank you, but I'm not convinced that's the best advice ever proffered.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Sine, if you were Mr. Smith, how would you handle such a situation, and if you were to send an apology note, how would you phrase it?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
Ah, I understand. Is there a premium-rate telephone number I can call for the really hot advice then?

---

Yes, I have some really hot phone numbers but they may not be exactly what you had in mind.

However I am becoming a bit concerned. Your friend goes around leaving his underwear in medicine cabinets and you go around pissing in sinks. I think perhaps you're not ready for the finer points of social interaction yet but need some rather more basic training first before we get to the "which fork to use" level. Let's start with "what is a fork and why it's better than your fingers for eating."
 

---

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 
Sine, I need your help. For so many years, I've been a working-class sort and now have an ingrained self image that is limited to denim and cotton T-shirts when it comes to a fashion sense.

I appreciate the good looks of a coordinated fashionable outfit on a man but when I try on things in nice shops, I look at myself and can't get past the "pretentious" aspect.

How can I break out of this dressed-down habit I'm stuck in?
 

---

Posted by jprainbow (# 8813) on :
 
I haven't got a question (at the moment). I just wanted to say I'm having a whale of a time reading this thread! I'm in stitches here! Thank you, everyone, especially Sine!
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:
How can I break out of this dressed-down habit I'm stuck in?

---

quote:

---

However I am becoming a bit concerned. Your friend goes around leaving his underwear in medicine cabinets and you go around pissing in sinks.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Neither.

You "accidentally" spill your Bud Lite all over him and give him one of your "Old Fisherman never die, they just smell that way!" T-shirts to wear for the rest of the evening.

Always in style. At your house at least.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Real Ale Methodist:
what is the socially acceptable way of laying down rules to flatmates concerning acceptable levels of kitchen decorum.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
A few random shots through the ceiling tends to get your point across also.

---

quote:

---

"Excuse me, but I've been dying to come over and feel your pants."

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
The more important question therefore is "why is your life so dull?" I thought you were going to take classes or something.

---

quote:

---

However, getting back to your original question: Pile library books on the waterstain. That looks real cultured and refined.

---

You're so right! I piled some romantic novels on top of it. Then I thought, to make it look a bit elegant and sophisticated, I should add a few sex and shopping novels. And then to make it look a bit respectable as well, I've put a Bible on top. To round it off nicely, I might just add a telephone directory, to make it look like I have lots of friends and an active social life. Either way, I don't think my landlord will be looking too closely at the surface of the table! Problem solved! Thanks again for the tip!
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
How do I fold a fitted sheet so it doesn't look like I wadded it up into a giant ball?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
Problem solved!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
This one is from a few minutes ago as I was folding laundry:

How do I fold a fitted sheet so it doesn't look like I wadded it up into a giant ball? I've tried everything I can think of, and ever afterward I end up with this grossly misshapen lumpy thing that looks like crap and doesn't stack well in the linen closet.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:
is there an easier way out?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by snowgoose:

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
This one is from a few minutes ago as I was folding laundry:

How do I fold a fitted sheet so it doesn't look like I wadded it up into a giant ball? I've tried everything I can think of, and ever afterward I end up with this grossly misshapen lumpy thing that looks like crap and doesn't stack well in the linen closet.

---

Here are instructions (with pictures). Basically, you tuck the corners into each other first (by bringing your hands together and folding one corner over another), then do as Sine said (folding into a rectangle). Actually, once you get the hang of it, it's easier (IMHO) than folding flat sheets.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rugasaw:
Seeing as how I will have to see her at family reunions and when ever I go to my brothers house what should I do?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
...Once you're OK going around like that you can work up a bit...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
If, however, she is not only a successful writer but also happily married with perfect children, you'll just need to resign yourself to a life of bitter, impotent envy. Or rustle up a friend who's less successful than you are. Although it sounds like you'll have to check the cemetery for that.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:
"Happily married with perfect children" describes her to a T.

---

Cheer up. Those things can come crashing down when you least expect it. I know you'll be there for her if that happens.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Dear Sine,

Picture the scene: A bright May Bank holiday morning in England's Green and Pleasant Land. The Angel of the Hearth staggers out of the bedroom, deftly avoiding tripping over the cat. Her heart sings at the prospect of coffee, croissants and a day of freedom ahead.

But then she stops, horror stricken (her halo tarnishing before our very eyes) as, out of the corner of her eye she glimpses outside her teen's room, an overflowing hamper. Yes indeed; in her hedonistic whirl of frivolity Ms Slob (Class I) has committed a cardinal sin - she has let her son run out of clean boxer shorts!!

As the rest of the household slumbers on, mercifully oblivious of the drama being played out, Ms Slob acts quickly. Diving to the bottom of the hamper, she retrieves a pair of grubby Calvin Kleins, runs downstairs, plugs in the iron, and presses the offending items before quirting them with summer breezes fabric freshner.

The Angel of the Hearth has saved the day! Breathing a sigh of relief, she adjusts her halo and reaches for the coffee pot...


But tell me, Sine, what should I do another time?
 

---

Posted by xSx (# 7210) on :
 
Dear Sine,

I am a poor student, and have just finished my bottle of gin. I need to get some more, particularly as I have lots of friends who like Gin and Tonics. However, I'm not sure what is the best type of Gin to get - should I splash out on the most expensive bottle I can find, or is there a good name that I should look out for?
Also, is serving it with tonic passe, and if so what should I do instead.

Thank you for your help
S
 

---

Posted by chive (# 208) on :
 
Dear Sine,

When I want to impress people that I've met for a meal I invariably tend to dribble food onto whatever 'please like me' top I'm wearing. This is a nervous thing as I don't tend to dribble the rest of the time. Is there some solution to this that doesn't involve the utilisation of a pelican bib because breasts covered with dribbled food don't fall into the win friends and influence people bracket?
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
she has let her son run out of clean boxer shorts!!

---

Miffy, is your son older than 8? If so, do you also spoonfeed him when he eats and dress him every morning in his little sailor suit? If he's at least semi-functional, he's perfectly capable of washing his own choneys! Why are you the Laundry Slave? If he complains, hand him a box of detergent, point him to the washer, and kick him in the butt.
 

---

Posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk (# 8783) on :
 
A donut shop opened recently in the plaza across the street from our church.
Two or three times per week, I like to purchase one dozen large, cream-filled donuts to eat at my desk while I write my sermon.
However, one of the young ladies who teaches in the nursery school in our church basement often comes into my office to use the photocopier or paper shredder.
Must I offer her a donut if she comes in while there is a large carton of them on my desk?
If so, must I offer her a choice of any of them, or can I say something like, "Have a donut, just be sure to leave the chocolate-caramel creame ones for me, please"?

I really want to be nice to her; she often kills very large spiders for me, and once she called emergency services when it looked as if I might be having a heart attack. How do I demonstrate etiquette & consideration without losing my favorite treats?

[ 30. May 2005, 20:37: Message edited by: Jeremiah Gutzywuk ]
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Jeremiah, What part of "doughnuts"and "heart attack" are you missing?
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

I like to purchase one dozen large, cream-filled donuts to eat at my desk while I write my sermon.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
Jeremiah, What part of "doughnuts"and "heart attack" are you missing?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
I did not eat donuts on the way to the hospital; the ambulance attendant insisted on "nothing by mouth."

---

quote:

---

Me: Could you tell me X's Y, please?
Them: Yes, it's Z.

---

quote:

---

Me: Thankyou very much.
Them: You're quite welcome.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Miffy, is your son older than 8?...If he's at least semi-functional, he's perfectly capable of washing his own choneys! Why are you the Laundry Slave? If he complains, hand him a box of detergent, point him to the washer, and kick him in the butt.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Miffy, is your son older than 8?...If he's at least semi-functional, he's perfectly capable of washing his own choneys! Why are you the Laundry Slave? If he complains, hand him a box of detergent, point him to the washer, and kick him in the butt.

---

My dear Ken, you seem to be unaware that there are strict licensing requirements for the doing of laundry (and, for that matter, the loading and unloading of dishwashers). In my household, I am the only one licensed for dishwasher handling, and the only one with a full license for laundry. (My Senior Child has a learner's permit for the laundry; this allows her to turn her own underwear grey, but puts serious limits on her ability to ruin anyone else's wardrobe.)

This is, at any rate, the only theory that seems to account for my family's inability to deal with such things as detergent and lint screens.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by HopPik:
Hmmm... I would gladly hand out laundry licences to my family but nobody wants 'em!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
Ms Slob (Class I) has committed a cardinal sin - she has let her son run out of clean boxer shorts!!

she retrieves a pair of grubby Calvin Kleins, runs downstairs, plugs in the iron, and presses the offending items before quirting them with summer breezes fabric freshner.

But tell me, Sine, what should I do another time?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by xSx:
I'm not sure what is the best type of Gin to get - should I splash out on the most expensive bottle I can find, or is there a good name that I should look out for?
Also, is serving it with tonic passe, and if so what should I do instead.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by chive:
When I want to impress people that I've met for a meal I invariably tend to dribble food onto whatever 'please like me' top I'm wearing.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Must I offer her a donut if she comes in while there is a large carton of them on my desk?
If so, must I offer her a choice of any of them, or can I say something like, "Have a donut, just be sure to leave the chocolate-caramel creame ones for me, please"?

How do I demonstrate etiquette & consideration without losing my favorite treats?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ACOL-ite:
if this conversation occurs via email it would seem to me to be rather a waste of network space (or something) to have two emails corresponding to the lower two utterances. Need I include an email to the effect of the third? And, when roles are reversed, if I receive one should I reply?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by HopPik:
Oh Auntie Sine, such a tide of human pain welling up while you're offline, how will you cope?

---

quote:

---

Maybe no answers Sine. Just one for the archive.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dolphy:
I confess I have become addicted to powerpoint.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
unfortunately Piers is a beefy extrovert with about the same aura of ambivalent sexuality as John Wayne and making any such claim would quickly lead to exposure and ridicule. How can we talk him out of this disastrous course of action?

---

You certainly have a lot of friends who do peculiar things. These aren't the same folks down whose sink you pee'd are they?

In any case why talk "Piers" out of it? If he's that beefy and manly dress him in leather and watch him be a shoe in for the seat. I mean no one can really prove he didn't have the affair, now can they?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Whew!
 

---

Posted by The Prophetess (# 1439) on :
 
We've got him using smilies, folks. Any minute now and he'll be dripping ice cream on the Ferragamo tie.

[ 31. May 2005, 01:40: Message edited by: The Prophetess ]
 

---

Posted by The Broad (# 9285) on :
 
Dear Sine,

I'm sure you have had a busy day. Would you mind terriby one more burning question? In The North (Delaware) where I grew up The Rule was no patent leather shoes, no white shoes, no linen, no "summery" clothes between Labor Day and Memorial Day. When I lived in The South, the summer clothing Rules did not seem to be followed. People wore linen as early as March (and claimed overall to be better versed in the vagueries of etiquette than any damnyankee could possibly be). So, what is the Real Answer?

Yours sincerely,

Gentle Reader (oops, that's Judith Martin's line)
 

---

Posted by Lillian (# 6158) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Make sure the front porch is reinforced so's when yer sittin a spell to visit it don't collapse and kill all the dawgs.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Dear Sine

As I get older I find that I am more frequently distressed by the sight of orchestra conductors wearing dinner-suit trousers with tail-coats.

Do you think I should stay in more?


With thanks in anticipation,

Chapelhead

---

Well, from my point of view, there is nothing better than a sharp-dressed man - so we can all look forward to Uncle Sine's answer.

My question: Asparagus - fingers or forks? Au beurre, hollandaise or vinaigrette?
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
I think that last post from CH was a subtle 'I buy seats in the Dress Circle' one. (How else can he see the 1 stripe instead of 2 down the side?)

Now to my pressing problem.

I have joined a choir. I am inexperienced, but I do know what part I *should* be singing. My problem is that next to me is a gentleman with a lovely voice (strong, melodious and on pitch), except that he is given to singing the melody instead of the tenor part about 80-90% of the time.

What can I do? Being neither a strong nor confident singer I often get thrown off course and find it very difficult to pick my part out again. It's all rather trepid and embarrassing, especially when our next best tenor loses the plot, in the absence of our perfect-pitch, sight-singing lead tenor. I do bravely try to pull us out of a death spiral, but alas, invariably I lose it too.

So that you can gauge the level of insight of the above-mentioned gentleman: (who has just sung the entire melody line at rehearsal) replies cheerily: "Yep, pretty right" when the choirmaster enquires if everything is alright with the tenors.

Your advice and encouragement will be, as always, warmly regarded.

C.
 

---

Posted by anglicanrascal (# 3412) on :
 
I also have a musical question that is of some importance. I have a friend who went to an Eisteddfod and discovered that he had left his fly open. How does one recover from such a situation with the charm, grace and aplomb required if one is to make it in society? The difficulty seems to lie in getting trembling fingers which have naturally become damp with perspiration (on realising the delicacy of the situation) to grasp a tiny piece of metal and get the gap shut with the minimum amount of effort and attention.

Maestro, please inform us how it is to be done.

Pax,
ar
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Broad:
In The North (Delaware) where I grew up The Rule was no patent leather shoes, no white shoes, no linen, no "summery" clothes between Labor Day and Memorial Day.

When I lived in The South, the summer clothing Rules did not seem to be followed. People wore linen as early as March So, what is the Real Answer?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
As I get older I find that I am more frequently distressed by the sight of orchestra conductors wearing dinner-suit trousers with tail-coats.

Do you think I should stay in more?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Duo Seraphim:
My question: Asparagus - fingers or forks? Au beurre, hollandaise or vinaigrette?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Coot:
My problem is that next to me is a gentleman with a lovely voice (strong, melodious and on pitch), except that he is given to singing the melody instead of the tenor part about 80-90% of the time.

I do bravely try to pull us out of a death spiral, but alas, invariably I lose it too.

So that you can gauge the level of insight of the above-mentioned gentleman: (who has just sung the entire melody line at rehearsal) replies cheerily: "Yep, pretty right" when the choirmaster enquires if everything is alright with the tenors.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by anglicanrascal:
Maestro, please inform us how it is to be done.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Coot:
I think that last post from CH was a subtle 'I buy seats in the Dress Circle' one. (How else can he see the 1 stripe instead of 2 down the side?)

Now to my pressing problem.

I have joined a choir. I am inexperienced, but I do know what part I *should* be singing. My problem is that next to me is a gentleman with a lovely voice (strong, melodious and on pitch), except that he is given to singing the melody instead of the tenor part about 80-90% of the time.

What can I do? Being neither a strong nor confident singer I often get thrown off course and find it very difficult to pick my part out again. It's all rather trepid and embarrassing, especially when our next best tenor loses the plot, in the absence of our perfect-pitch, sight-singing lead tenor. I do bravely try to pull us out of a death spiral, but alas, invariably I lose it too.

So that you can gauge the level of insight of the above-mentioned gentleman: (who has just sung the entire melody line at rehearsal) replies cheerily: "Yep, pretty right" when the choirmaster enquires if everything is alright with the tenors.

Your advice and encouragement will be, as always, warmly regarded.

C.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by anglicanrascal:
I have a friend who went to an Eisteddfod and discovered that he had left his fly open.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lillian:

Under the porch is where the pigs go. You tie the [hound] dogs up out back.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Dear Sine

As I get older I find that I am more frequently distressed by the sight of orchestra conductors wearing dinner-suit trousers with tail-coats.

Do you think I should stay in more?


With thanks in anticipation,

Chapelhead

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by HopPik:
Oh Auntie Sine, such a tide of human pain welling up while you're offline, how will you cope?

---

Nobody has a unique problem. I have a card file.

quote:

---

Maybe no answers Sine. Just one for the archive.

---

My, what an interesting afternoon by the seaside. And in front of the children too. Must be the salt air.

What they did of course was extremely rude, but looks like they've got bigger problems than that. You shouldn't have ignored it. I hope you didn't. I would have been tempted to say something along the lines of "I hope you two feel better, because I sure don't. We need to leave now." And then leave and also leave the ball in their court to call and apologize.

No one should drag others, particularly close friends, into their domestic disputes. Or in front of the children. You need to let them know what they did was inexcusable and will not be tolerated. 18 year's friendship or no.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Coot, I really feel your pain on this one, having been in exactly the same situation myself. Your best bet is to start an affair with the other tenor and when the time seems right in the sweet after-glow of passion whisper "Dear, there's something I've been meaning to tell you...you're screwing up the whole section. If you want to sing the melody so damn badly why don't you let me cut your balls off and you can join the sopranos."

In my experience tenors are very open to criticism if you approach it in a kind and loving way.

---

Methinks thou describeth this scenario sore vividly for mere fancy.....

[ 31. May 2005, 12:29: Message edited by: mdijon ]
 

---

Posted by Henry Troup (# 3722) on :
 
I sometimes wear a bow tie to the office on Fridays. My defense of this is that it's "casual Friday", and any bow tie that is neither black nor white is casual.

Is this a valid syllogism?
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Dear Sine,

This Mormon guy in the cube next to me at work, keeps complaining about me being too loud when I kvetch after calls letting off steam. He himself thinks nothing however of slamming down his hands on his desk and smashing it, making loud jarring noises. That is not fair! He is unaware he is loud himself too.

He is supposed to be friendshipping me. Where is the love? He even hates Steve Young. I thought I might score brownie points with him by mentioning the article with Steve Young I saw, but his wife worked for Steve Young...and...

I just can't win with this guy. Perhaps I should just tease him secretly on purpose instead and have fun watching him explode...give up trying to be a team player.

What do you think Uncle Sign? Should I try to bible bang stealthily...using the converting technique to drive him up the wall since I am anyway?

My work would be more productive if he did not seem to loathe me, since I want everybody to love me...but if he can't love me...I want to needle him to death. I live to serve.

Sincerely,

duchess



[ 31. May 2005, 13:21: Message edited by: duchess ]
 

---

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Archimandrite:
And how many men still wear proper shoes at Balls? [/QB]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Twilight:
Sine, how do I bring up this sensitve subject again, so soon? The last time he spent the entire day, shuffling around the halls muttering, "Nobody likes to be called high-smellin' and low down."

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mdijon:
Methinks thou describeth this scenario sore vividly for mere fancy.....

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Henry Troup:
I sometimes wear a bow tie to the office on Fridays. My defense of this is that it's "casual Friday", and any bow tie that is neither black nor white is casual.

Is this a valid syllogism?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
This Mormon guy in the cube next to me at work, keeps complaining about me being too loud...

My work would be more productive if he did not seem to loathe me, since I want everybody to love me...but if he can't love me...I want to needle him to death.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:
How would you convince a houseguest that it is OK to use the empty bureau and clothes closet in the guestroom instead of their suitcase?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
where you stand on cummerbunds with double-breasted jackets.

---

The same place I stand on a notched lapel on a dinner jacket.
 

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Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
You're so wild.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Curiosus:
I'm planning a small dinner for my closest friends from church. My table seats six maximum...

So do I invite him without her?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:
it has a suede soul.

---

quote:

---

perhaps you had something more byzantine in mind

---

Don't tempt me, Sine....

Leetle M.
 

---

Posted by Curiosus (# 4808) on :
 
Sine, you are a saint. You've understand all the nuances of my dilemma - a single girl has to be so careful with her reputation

I hadn't even thought of not inviting one of the other couples to the main dinner but it's the perfect solution. I can host two dinners - two excuses to get out the china and crystal What more could a girl possibly want? (Apart from antique linen napkins, but I should be able to fix that this weekend........)
 

---

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
.... whether I was the "sayer" or the "sayee" is none of your business.

---

Surely not. One cannot possibly imagine, dear sir, that your insight let you down so far as to lead you into the position of the sayee. Far be it.

On the other hand, there may have been compensations I suppose.......
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Sine, I apologize for asking this twice, you answered me last year but I've misplaced the information.

I want to use a nicer stationery than printer paper or what's from the Mega Office Supply Store or the Paper'n'Things Emporium. Something that indicates I'm old enough not to need to write on cartoon character paper. You had mentioned something about a certain size and weight of paper engraved with my return address, and what color(s) would be best. (I prefer a slightly eggshell or cream color as such is easier on my eyes than a brilliantly-reflecting pure white.)

Where should the return address be printed? (Top, bottom, left, right?) Should the state be spelled out or are abbreviations okay? Include my name or not? Any recommendations for a typeface? Graphics? Watermarks? Lined or unlined? Bordered or not?

Do you have any recommendations for a pen? Is blue ink okay? I can't afford a $120+ Mont Blanc, but I'd like a nice, well-weighted fountain pen with a comfortable barrel and smooth ink flow.

Thanks for the help.
 

---

Posted by chukovsky (# 116) on :
 
Not Sine, but a devotee of Miss Manners: I cannot necessarily advise as to the weight (except to say, the heavier the better) but in these quarters, the return address goes on the top right of the note paper (and not on a sticky label on the envelope ), and Parker is a very good but affordable make of pen.

Spelling out the state will be helpful to your non-US acquaintances (who would otherwise in fact be just plain confused) but will get you laughed at by your US acquaintances. I speak from experience of having tried it both ways in change-of address notifications.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
I wouldn't fool around with any paper except Crane's myself. And I'd call it "writing paper" not "stationary" if I were you. (Actually I'd call it that if I were me. Crane & Co. calls it "stationary" but what do they know.)

Depends how much you want to invest, but once you've got your plate engraved the paper itself isn't that much, comparatively speaking.

Now this is just me, but I prefer a san-serif typeface in caps/small caps with my full name and address (state spelled out) on both the paper and the envelope. Centered on the back flap of the envelope. On the paper it's obviously centered at the top. You can have them wax off the address and just have your name on the paper.

Just for fun (or as much fun as I allow myself with writing paper) my full sheets are cream with with burgundy engraving. My small sheets (6-3/8 x 8-1/2) are pearl white with dark grey engraving.

What you don't want to do is express your individuality or creativity with your paper. Let what you write on the paper do that.

...and people do so love to get "real" letters.
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Why use full and small sheets? Why not use one size?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Oops.

Pens: Cross or Parker. (But ya know, some of those new gel pens in the grocery store write just fine, IMO.)

Ink: Blue-Black or Dark Blue.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Why use full and small sheets? Why not use one size?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Pens: Cross or Parker. (But ya know, some of those new gel pens in the grocery store write just fine, IMO.)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Uncle Sign:
...
So, getting back into the real world I suggest you email him a link showing the sacred Mormon underwear with an attatched note that reads "Is this what you're wearing right now? It makes me hot."

I suspect you won't hear a peep out of him for quite some time after that.

---

Ah, no. I am though aiming to kill him...right now...he just said "Sick of work, huh?" When I told people a co-worker went home sick. I answered "Oh, my sarcasm meter is not working right now...I need more caffine". He is not my neighbor, Sine. I would leave him on that road without assistance if I was the samaritan. Evil dutchie Samaritan.



[eta: I won't be posting in here anymore, the material will not be fit for heaven in a minute when I lose it.]
[eta again: GRITS suggested me to cook up some cookies. I may try doing that but give them to everyone in case he thinks I fancy his underwear. NOT.]

[ 31. May 2005, 18:46: Message edited by: duchess ]
 

---

Posted by Curiosus (# 4808) on :
 
For the true lady or gentleman, the only place for writing paper is Smythson of Bond Street. Simply divine. I justify my occasional purchases of correspondence cards on the grounds that a box of 10 impressively thick cards with tissue lined envelopes is only £29, or £2.90 per card & envelope. One could easily spend more than that on a very ordinary card from WH Smith's. Besides, the staff wrap up my purchases in darling little blue bags with ribbon and cord. The packaging is oh-so-important when shopping
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
He is not my neighbor, Sine. I would leave him on that road without assistance if I was the samaritan.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
I wouldn't fool around with any paper except Crane's myself. And I'd call it "writing paper" not "stationary" if I were you. (Actually I'd call it that if I were me. Crane & Co. calls it "stationary" but what do they know.)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Firenze:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:
it has a suede soul.

---

I didn't realise incorporeal entities came in different finishes. I see mine as more leather-bound - but no decorative finish. I am free of gilt.

(Unless you mean crepe soles, of course...)

---

Oh, how horribly blush-making. I meant, of course, soles.

And NO ! I do NOT mean "crepe" soles, ever, under any circumstances, whatsoever.*Shudders with horror at the mere prospect.*

Corpus
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papa Smurf:
Dear Sine
what's the best way of telling someone of apparently impeccable taste and decency, that they have made an all too common spelling mistake worthy of an 8-year old

---

Actually, you're too late.

But to answer your question, the tasteful, kind way is by private message.

Sort of like taking someone quietly aside to tell them they've got spinach in their teeth or their fly is open. But, for what it's worth, you don't tell them if there's nothing they can do about it. "You've got a run in you hose" or "Your last facelift sucks" for instance.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
...and that's why I call it "writing paper". Easier to spell.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Dear Sine,

Having disposed of my son's Calvin Kleins, I find other problems pressing ever urgently on whatever problems are supposed to press. Namely:

- With the final arrival of Summer, follows that peculiarly British ecclesiastical (?) fashion phenomenon of pale, hairy male legs emerging from baggy shorts. As a result, I'm experiencing difficulty in keeping custody of my eyes during divine service. What would you advise me do?

- I'm shortly due to attend a conference at a certain well known London church. Knowing that you are an expert on such things, what advice would you offer on how to comport myself as befits a sensible, middle-aged Anglican matron during the proceedings. I experience particular problems with hairy legs emerging from baggy shorts, and enthusiastic speakers posing in front of flower arrangements. (Arietty, if you're reading this thread...not a word!! Or else! )
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:
How would you convince a houseguest that it is OK to use the empty bureau and clothes closet in the guestroom instead of their suitcase?

---

Having no familiarity with ill-run households I'm not in a position to advise you. I'll have to turn this one over to the rest of the shipmates. Perhaps Twilight can help you

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
what advice would you offer on how to comport myself as befits a sensible, middle-aged Anglican matron during the proceedings.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
While such conduct may be perfectly normal in Wogga Wogga or Swagman's Gulch, how can we persuade him that it is less than appropriate in this foggy island's ivory towers?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Twilight:


No doubt Uncle See-nay imagines I'll suggest something along the lines of "pound some more nails in the wall to hook them duds on" but I have far too much sympathy for poor Gort to make jokes. My guests do much the same thing. They don't use the spaces I've provided for their belongings but seem to prefer strewing their clothes and toiletries around the bedroom and bath. Similarly, they return from sight- seeing trips with souvenirs and brochures, they like to spread around the living room for all of us to admire and remark upon.

---

Not that I am certain of the particulars in this situation, but you will note that Gort does not use the words "strewn" or ""spread" in his remarks; indeed, my guest is that as the impeccable host he is (so I hear) he is merely painstakingly concerned about the comfort of his guest.

Again venturing a wild, imaginative guess, mightn't a guest's practice of neatly returning clothing to a closable suitcase in the dressing area have something to do with the respective proximity of the suitcase and bureau to the area that is most used for dressing/ undressing? Theoretically?

So to do away with some more speculative minutae,Sine, would an acceptable compromise be to hang/ stash some of the lesser-used items (dresses, evening wear) in the space graciously provided, while keeping more immediate clothing items (casual daywear, unmentionables) on an unused shelf in the guest bathroom, which ahs been theoreticall reserved for the exclusive use of said guest?

Many thanks for indulging my curiosity.

Kel

( )

[Code]

[ 01. June 2005, 01:11: Message edited by: KenWritez ]
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Holy Moly! Land mines ahead.

I ain't touching that one with a ten-foot pole.

Next question, please.
 

---

Posted by GloriaGloriaGloria (# 8017) on :
 
Dear Sine,

Over a year ago, an acquiantance of mine (from my church fellowship group) got married. She and her husband have still not sent thank-you notes for any gifts they received at the bridal shower, engagement party, or the wedding.

In fact, I did inquire whether or not they had received my gift, and was laughingly told, "Oh, no one sends thank you notes anymore. Why, the ettiquette books even tell you that they're outdated and not required."

This couple is expecting their first child this August, and as I have the reputation among our circle of friends for being the hostess, they have been hinting rather heavily that I should arrange a baby shower.

Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? I have zero interest in inventing the time, money, or energy to arrange another party for them, given the past history. The rest of our circle of friends feel the same way.

This is getting urgent, they even sent me an email this morning asking when their baby shower is.

Gratefully,

Gloria x3


P.S. - Bless those of you who provide empty dressers, closets and wardrobes for your houseguests. Last time I went visiting, I tried to unpack and discovered the dresser in the guest room was stuffed full of unidentifiable crap and there was no room in the closet, either.
 

---

Posted by corvette (# 9436) on :
 
i suppose you could try, "Oh, No-one has baby-showers any more" and don't wait for an answer...

Depends how mean you want to be, and how thick they are. You could just be doing something fun (and not compatible with babies) yourself that weekend and not be available. I don't see it has to be your responsibility, especially if your help has been abused in the past.
 

---

Posted by hedonism_bot (# 5027) on :
 
Dear Sine,

An ecclesiastical chum of mine has a recurring nightmare in which Mr Elton John, the popular pianist, attends a funeral at his church. This neurosis began at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, during which Mr John was allowed to attend (and indeed participate in) an Anglican funeral service in an Abbey Church while wearing a hairpiece so unrealistic that it was to all intents and purposes a hat. My friend fears that Mr John may attempt to enter his church sporting the same garment, and is in sore need of a polite form of words with which he could insist on it's removal. Can you advise?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by GloriaGloriaGloria:
Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? I have zero interest in inventing the time, money, or energy to arrange another party for them, given the past history. The rest of our circle of friends feel the same way.

This is getting urgent, they even sent me an email this morning asking when their baby shower is.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
My friend fears that Mr John may attempt to enter his church sporting the same garment, and is in sore need of a polite form of words with which he could insist on it's removal. Can you advise?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:
Dear Sine,

How would you convince a houseguest that it is OK to use the empty bureau and clothes closet in the guestroom instead of their suitcase?

---

quote:

---

Originally by duchess:
[eta again: GRITS suggested me to cook up some cookies. I may try doing that but give them to everyone in case he thinks I fancy his underwear. NOT.]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
That's easy. Your friend needs to work 103 into his dream.

---

[Code]

[ 01. June 2005, 01:15: Message edited by: KenWritez ]
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Now, now. None of that here. This is a family thread.
 

---

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 
...underwear...wedding ring...family thread...dreams of 103.

I thought this was Hints from Heloise.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:
...underwear...wedding ring...family thread...dreams of 103.

I thought this was Hints from Heloise.

---

quote:

---

How do you take crayon off painted walls or washable wallpaper?

Spray with multipurpose lubricating oil (dont let it drip on the floor). Then gently wipe, using a paper towel or clean white cloth. If mark is stubborn, sprinkle a little baking soda on a damp sponge and gently rub in a circular motion. If lubricants residue remains, dampen a sponge with a solution of one or two drops of mild dish-washing liquid to one cup water. Squeeze out sponge and gently rub in a circular motion. Rinse sponge; lightly moisten with water to go over area; dry with a clean cloth

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
I simply cannot take another evening of listening to his rudeness with polite resignation.

Please advise.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
Dear Sine,

An ecclesiastical chum of mine has a recurring nightmare in which Mr Elton John, the popular pianist, attends a funeral at his church. This neurosis began at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, during which Mr John was allowed to attend (and indeed participate in) an Anglican funeral service in an Abbey Church while wearing a hairpiece so unrealistic that it was to all intents and purposes a hat. My friend fears that Mr John may attempt to enter his church sporting the same garment, and is in sore need of a polite form of words with which he could insist on it's removal. Can you advise?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Should my seating arrangements for dinner parties change in light of this event?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
one assumes they've already been cohabitating for at least a year so I'd count that retroactively and separate them.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by luvanddaisies:
Public nose-blowing, sufferable or insufferable?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ken:
you do need to withdraw out of sight, out of earshot, and above all out of aerosol range.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
...don't examine the outcome like precious jewels.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
Is twice sufficient?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
An ettiquette manual from the 1500s includes that advice, as well as "it is rude to address someone while they are urinating or defecating."

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
My mom's method is to bless twice, then snip, "That's it, I blessed you twice, that should be enough."

My friend has a more gentile approach. She blesses twice, then cheerfully says on the third sneeze, "Do you need me to call a priest?"

---

If that's the gentile approach, I guess the Jewish approach would be to ask "Do you need me to call a rabbi?".
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Goodric:
Sometimes, sadly, the facilities can't cope with - er shall we say "solids" as well as they ought to in a civilised country like ours.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
I defer to Sine on informing the host.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Real Ale Methodist:
...trying to remember if Earls are "Your Graces" or not.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Real Ale Methodist:

Owen who is trying to remember if Earls are "Your Graces" or not.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
What advice can you give to promote good manners, tolerance, love and understanding among ship folk?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mdijon:
I have a quandry requiring a solution of the utmost dimensions in delicacy and propriety.

We have been requested by a good friend (young and in love) to provide a recital midway through the service.

I don't know if I can go through with it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:
Wessex, however, is a Prince of the Blood Royal and is, therefore, a "Your Royal Highness."

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by luvanddaisies:
fret no more - simply carry this little list around, and you'll know how to address (correctly, of course) everyone you might meet. Of course, Sine has no need of such memoranda.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by chive:
Which room is it most important to tidy for said guest - my bedroom, the kitchen or the living room.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by chive:
My mother has had some children's books published. She thinks they're wonderful. They're not. They're cunningly disguised, vomit inducing morality tales where everyone loves Jesus and says a prayer on the last page and everything is shiny lovely. What do I say when she asks my opinion?

As a good Christian girl am I required to be honest and tell her I'd rather read Alisteir Crowley to any passing child or do I simper in an encouraging manner?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
A church wedding right? At your church? I assume there is a priest or minister involved who has final say over what's appropriate musically. Can't he or she nix it so you don't have to be the bad guy?...............Looking on the bright side, when they get divorced in six months you can always say "What did anyone expect, considering the tacky music they picked for their wedding."

---

Yes, my church - Yes, the minister. The vicar will hate it. He'd never agree if he found out in time. I must let it slip somehow..... maybe we could be practicing the piece at just the time he passes the hall from his office for home......

I'll bear your second suggestion in mind.
 

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Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
The juxtaposition of the advice to mdjohn and chive reminds me of a friend's wedding.

She got married in a hotel (which was very unusual in the UK at the time) and the wedding was overall very beautiful. However, the string quartet she had hired to play during the ceremony were frequently out of tune and sounded, to me at least, like four cats.

Hugal and I decided that if anyone asked us what we thought of the music, we would say "What a lovely idea it was to have a string quartet!" Truthful yet diplomatic - it was indeed a lovely idea.

Sadly no-one asked. Oh well.
 

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Posted by Real Ale Methodist (# 7390) on :
 
Highness and Majesty are early modern inventions anyway (especially majesty) a small part of me would want to call the Queen a grace anyway. If it was good enough for Henry VIII...
 

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Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
It suddenly occurred to me that the phrase Your Grace may have been originally a way of reminding a powerful figure that he should be benevolent in the use of his power.

Moo
 

---

Posted by luvanddaisies (# 5761) on :
 
err... it appears that my link to Debretts has snuffed it - I blame Custard's questioning its accuracy m'self .

Could some very nice hostly personage maybe wave a magically magical magic wand over it and make it all better?
It may, of course, be nothing to do with the link, as I am unable to get the site to come up - tried pedestrianly typing in the URL, going to it through Google - all has failed.

Uncle Sine,
Could you advise me, please; is it necessary for me to atone for the devastating decease of my heretofore virile and vital link to
a) the hosts
or
b) the hoi polloi
or is my puzzled, yet sincere, grovelling apology all that is required?
yours in deepest distress
Mrs Trellis ,
North Wales


[edited to thank the shipmate who pm-ed me to alert me to the sad status of the link I posted earlier. Your attention to ettiquette here is muchly appreciated ]

[ 03. June 2005, 00:16: Message edited by: luvanddaisies ]
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by luvanddaisies:
Uncle Sine,
Could you advise me, please; is it necessary for me to atone for the devastating decease of my heretofore virile and vital link

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Geezer:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
An ettiquette manual from the 1500s includes that advice, as well as "it is rude to address someone while they are urinating or defecating."

---

True also today, I think. I hate being acknowledged by co-workers in the office men's room.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Now one could wonder why you'd want to do that since the books are already a done deal. Still, I understand your not wanting to lie. How about you avoid commenting on the books directly and when asked say something like "I'm really proud of you, Mom."? Or would that be outside the normal rules of mother/daughter warfare?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by chive:

My mother has had some children's books published. She thinks they're wonderful. They're not. They're cunningly disguised, vomit inducing morality tales where everyone loves Jesus and says a prayer on the last page and everything is shiny lovely. What do I say when she asks my opinion?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by luvanddaisies:
err... it appears that my link to Debretts has snuffed it

---

HOST ON

Nope, LD, it still works.

HOST OFF

I'm glad you posted it, I've even bookmarked it so I know how to address the nobs when I'm finally presented at Court. None of this, "Hey, m'lud, what's shakin'?" or "Yo, Excellency!" stuff for me!

(I'll be sure to've cleared my wardrobe with Sine beforehand.)

No one's so keen on nobility as a (small 'r') republican, dontcha know.

[ 03. June 2005, 06:12: Message edited by: KenWritez ]
 

---

Posted by Dormouse (# 5954) on :
 
Dear Sine,

As you might have picked up on from other threads Mr D and I are planning to move to foreign climes.

I wish to have a leaving party but have several questions:
1. Is it "done" to throw one's own leaving party, or should I suggest to my friends that they do...?
2. When should it be? - We don't have a clear leaving date yet, just a woolly "round about the end of July". But we'd need to book somewhere. Should I try for mid July? I wory that having had a leaving bash, turning up at work on Monday might seem odd.
3. The place we'd planned to use has a bar, but no food. Is it OK to ask people to bring food? Should we provide a cake?
4. Decorations? If we organise, we decorate - but then it seems odd to put up "You're Leaving" banners... Tasteful French flags? (Are they ever tasteful?!) No decorations? (The room has black curtains all round as it's used as a performance space - a little dreary without decorations..)

Of course, all this depends on whether the space is free for hire; but I would value the advice of Someone Who Knows. Mr D & I are not good party throwers - only ever done three & the only one that really worked was a shared party, at a friend's house.
 

---

Posted by Archimandrite (# 3997) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Custard.:

quote:

---

Originally posted by luvanddaisies:
fret no more - simply carry this little list around, and you'll know how to address (correctly, of course) everyone you might meet. Of course, Sine has no need of such memoranda.

---

I know it's Debrett's, but I'm pretty sure it's wrong on the issue of the use of "Lord Bishop". IIRC, the most senior (by length of service as bishop) N diocesan bishops are "Lord Bishop", the rest aren't. The value of N means it works out that you become a "Lord Bishop" after about 5 years.

If anyone knows better, please correct me.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dormouse:
I wish to have a leaving party but have several questions:

Is it "done" to throw one's own leaving party, or should I suggest to my friends that they do...?

---

quote:

---

I wory that having had a leaving bash, turning up at work on Monday might seem odd.

---

quote:

---

Is it OK to ask people to bring food? Should we provide a cake?

---

quote:

---

If we organise, we decorate - but then it seems odd to put up "You're Leaving" banners...

---

quote:

---

Mr D & I are not good party throwers - only ever done three & the only one that really worked was a shared party, at a friend's house.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Janine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Geezer:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
An ettiquette manual from the 1500s includes that advice, as well as "it is rude to address someone while they are urinating or defecating."

---

True also today, I think. I hate being acknowledged by co-workers in the office men's room.

---

Yeah, me too.

---

One can be acknowledged in the men's room but only if you are both doing exactly the same thing. And not if you are occupying traps 1 and 2 either. Talking through walls is not done.

Janine is quite right. One should never acknowledge ladies in the men's room.
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
I admit committing the gaffe a few days ago, as something fairly urgent had to be relayed to a co-worker, but I agree it's in the "should be taken for granted" category. Then again, bathrooms really didn't exist back then one was likely to encounter bodily functions in a hallway.
 

---

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :
 
I don't mind acknowledgements in the gents' - it's the sneer and/or snigger that usually go with them...

Corpus
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
I admit committing the gaffe a few days ago, as something fairly urgent had to be relayed to a co-worker, but I agree it's in the "should be taken for granted" category.

---

Good grief, what would you have done if your co-worker had been female?

quote:

---

Then again, bathrooms really didn't exist back then one was likely to encounter bodily functions in a hallway.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
I admit committing the gaffe a few days ago, as something fairly urgent had to be relayed to a co-worker

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Or is your co-worker so wired for sound he could do something about your emergency while standing at a urinal?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Or is your co-worker so wired for sound he could do something about your emergency while standing at a urinal?

---

Quite possibly. A colleague once told me that he'd seen someone at the urinals simultaneously dealing with a mobile phone call.

You aren't safe from mobiles anywhere.

---

Ummmm - how did he have a spare hand to do that?
One hand would be holding the telephone, the other hand would be - well - busy - so how could he push the buttons on the telephone?
 

---

Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine,

I've benefitted greatly from your sage advice over the last few days, and I wanted to thank you for so graciously sharing your wisdom with us.

I now have a question for you. My husband and I will be crossing the Atlantic next week for two weeks. Along the way we will be depending upon the goodness of friends and acquaintances for various things, including housing us for a few days, taking us on sightseeing excursions, and giving us route tips and restaurant suggestions.

What would be some appropriate host/hostess gifts for those various occastions? Should we bring gifts from here or hope to find something in the US? What would be an appropriate amount of money to spend?

Thank you in advance for your consideration to this matter.

Yours faithfully,
Flausa
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
In my defense, I happened to "run into" him in the Men's room after checking his cube and made a "while I'm thinking about it" blurt.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Or is your co-worker so wired for sound he could do something about your emergency while standing at a urinal?

---

Quite possibly. A colleague once told me that he'd seen someone at the urinals simultaneously dealing with a mobile phone call.

You aren't safe from mobiles anywhere.

---

Ummmm - how did he have a spare hand to do that?
One hand would be holding the telephone, the other hand would be - well - busy - so how could he push the buttons on the telephone?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
In my defense, I happened to "run into" him in the Men's room after checking his cube and made a "while I'm thinking about it" blurt.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:
What would be some appropriate host/hostess gifts for those various occastions? Should we bring gifts from here or hope to find something in the US? What would be an appropriate amount of money to spend?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Ummmm - how did he have a spare hand to do that?
One hand would be holding the telephone, the other hand would be - well - busy - so how could he push the buttons on the telephone?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Ummmm - how did he have a spare hand to do that?
One hand would be holding the telephone, the other hand would be - well - busy - so how could he push the buttons on the telephone?

---

Depends on the size of your mobile. The smaller ones fit neatly into your palm and you use your thumb to press the buttons.

I still think anyone who uses a mobile in these circumstances is lacking in social graces though.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Peppone:
He's been thinking of taking it off when he makes the bread in the evening, and then just sort of not putting it back on. What do you think? My, uh, friend really wants to handle this stage correctly.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jlg:
the advice goes all southern inbred and questionable.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:
Can you provide me with a response that is both polite and effective?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:
Can you provide me with a response that is both polite and effective?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:
Inevitably I am asked whether the Prophetlet is our only child, and then---get this---whether we are "planning to have any more."

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:
Eliab - my advice is this:

After your next meal, give Mrs Eliab a big hug and when, as she surely will, she pats you on the back mid hug, belch and throw up on her shoulder. Then you too will be praised.

---

quote:

---

Now Sine - what's the goss on your first outing as Usher?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine
Bless their hearts, they mean well...

---

quote:

---

I was nice to everyone...

---

The truest mark of a Southerner.
 

---

Posted by hedonism_bot (# 5027) on :
 
Dear Sine,

As you seem to be an authority on matters of fashion as well as etiquette, please answer this for me : when wearing morning dress is it acceptable, if one has misplaced one's socks, to paint one's ankles black to hide this fact?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Have you looked in the medicine cabinet?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Sorry. I get a little giddy sometimes.

To answer your question: In an emergency such as you describe, yes, it's OK to paint your legs black...however first you must shave your ankles and calves and moisturize them thoroughly so you appear to be wearing dress hose and not casual mohair socks. That would never do.
 

---

Posted by hedonism_bot (# 5027) on :
 
You are wise.
 

---

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
How very kind of you to ask. The check is in the mail.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
How very kind of you to ask. The check is in the mail.

---

Not at all - I was concerned and just had to enquire.

Now, about that cheQUE... Clearly "Pounds Sterling" - anything else would be simply too exquisitely vulgar...

Corpus

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Archimandrite:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
How very kind of you to ask. The check is in the mail.

---

Not at all - I was concerned and just had to enquire.

Now, about that cheQUE... Clearly "Pounds Sterling" - anything else would be simply too exquisitely vulgar...

Corpus

---

On the contrary. Guineas.

---

Or, to adapt from Mrs General -

'I cannot object - though even that is disagreeable to me - to Mr Nomine's inquiring, in confidence of my friends here, what amount they have been accustomed, at quarterly intervals, to pay to my credit at my bankers'.

[ 07. June 2005, 07:42: Message edited by: Firenze ]
 

---

Posted by hedonism_bot (# 5027) on :
 
Dear Sine,

I am attending a wedding in France at the weekend. A friend who is also going has just announced his ensemble, which consists of a white unstructured linen jacket and (brace yourself) matching shorts. How can I dissuade himself from shaming our country thus?
 

---

Posted by Curiosus (# 4808) on :
 
I'm sure Uncle Sine will be along shortly with some excellent advice.

In the meantime, I am reminded of a character in one of Nancy Mitford's novels who greatly enjoyed watching his new wife making a rag rug but planned to have a fatal accident with a bottle of ink once the carpet was completed. If all else fails you might have to have a similar accident just before you set off for the wedding - a glass of red wine should do the trick nicely
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by hedonism_bot:
A friend who is also going has just announced his ensemble, which consists of a white unstructured linen jacket and (brace yourself) matching shorts. How can I dissuade himself from shaming our country thus?

---

quote:

---

We enjoy spending time with our beautiful nine-year old daughters, who are not only half-sisters and cousins but were also born only 5 days apart!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:
In your wisdom, can you explain how this can be?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:
I was looking at a couple of the profiles, and I found this from twin brothers Gary and Mark...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Nope, I take crap from my family for giving gift certificates to anyone that isn't in a service relationship to me.

---

Sorry, I misunderstood you.

That's ridiculous. It's none of their business what you give other people. But you'll have to get Sine to tell you a polite way to convey this--I can't think of one.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Mr. Writez, you have not been totally forthcoming in your query. Before I can answer it I need a very important piece of information: Is it your family who's been giving you grief or is it your mother?
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Sorry I was unclear. Mom instilled the rule in us and she continued in it until her death. My sibs, with the exception of my middle sister, give me grief for the certificates.

[ 09. June 2005, 05:00: Message edited by: KenWritez ]
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Oh, your siblings. Then you needn't be polite at all. Just remind them how difficult it is (as if they didn't know) to form a new family from the cultures of two different families. And that unlike the Writez Family, the Writez-Wench Family does give gift certificates as presents. You might possibly end the conversation with "Wanna make sumpin of it?" and a belligerent stare. Or possibly an invitation to drop by the trailer park any ol' time for a visit.
 

---

Posted by Boopy (# 4738) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine

A social dilemma lies before me, so clearly you are the very person to advise me. This weekend, for complicated family reasons,at my mother's house I will be meeting her brother, a long-lost uncle I last saw over 35 years ago when I was six. I may also meet a long lost aunt I last saw when I was eight, and her son my (much older) cousin, who I've only previously met once when I was a small girl. There may be one or two other assorted elderly relatives who I haven't seen since childhood.

Last time I met any of these people I knew them as Uncle Bob, Aunty Jenny and so on. I'm not sure I'm quite ready as an adult to Uncle and Aunt people who are now essentially strangers; we will be meeting as fellow adults over a short weekend.

I'm inclined to 'Bob' and 'Jenny' them from the start. WWSND?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
What exciting lives some of you lead, full of doubt and uncertainty. I especially like family-related questions because you all never tell me what's really going on. From your evident wish not to be associated with your mother's brother I can only assume he's just been released from prison after doing 35 years for God knows what terrible crime. And all these elderly relatives suddenly popping out of the woodwork. Is there a tontine involved?

So how should you address all these strangers? Well, like it or not your mother's brother is your uncle and your aunt is your aunt. I myself have an aunt whom I loathe, but I still address her as Auntie Bitch-from-Hell, because she is still my aunt. Can't choose your relatives and all that. Now here's what you didn't make clear - are there going to be any aunts and uncles there whom you will address as "aunt" and "uncle"? Because if there are it would be odd and hurtful to create two classes of relatives at the same gathering - those you are willing to acknowledge and those you aren't.

However, if only these long-lost relatives will be present you have my permission (which along with $1.85 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks) to address them only by their Christian names. In exchange for that, however, you have to tell us why they're suddenly showing up on your mother's doorstep.
 

---

Posted by Boopy (# 4738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
I can only assume he's just been released from prison after doing 35 years for God knows what terrible crime. And all these elderly relatives suddenly popping out of the woodwork. Is there a tontine involved?

.....if only these long-lost relatives will be present you have my permission (which along with $1.85 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks) to address them only by their Christian names. In exchange for that, however, you have to tell us why they're suddenly showing up on your mother's doorstep.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

However, if only these long-lost relatives will be present you have my permission (which along with $1.85 will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks) to address them only by their Christian names. In exchange for that, however, you have to tell us why they're suddenly showing up on your mother's doorstep.

---

Starbuck's coffee is only $1.85?! Why's it so much more expensive here?

 

---

Posted by Boopy (# 4738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
It would be kind to call him "Uncle Bob". Sometimes it's easy to overlook the obvious reason for doing something we don't particularly want to do.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chocoholic:
Starbuck's coffee is only $1.85?! Why's it so much more expensive here?

---

you missed out the bit about having Sine's permission to go with it - having Permission from Sine has to be worth something....
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Either that or he is talking drip rather than espresso.
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine,

My 13 year old nephew has long hair. It is beautiful, that is for sure...long golden locks. This kidlet is spoiled in my opinion that he got to not only pierce his ears but grow out the hair down to his waist. Auntie Duchess has dilegently tried to force issue of giving hair to locks of love but kidlet refuses. He did consent to getting a few inches cut off the other day, but hair is long.

Not only is it long, but untidy. I have combed hair more than one time, and lectured him about putting it in ponytail should he keep it long forever. My caring lectures go unheard.

Please advise me on a way to force issue of good grooming.

Sincerely,

Auntie Duchess
 

---

Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
Simple - wait till he's asleep and then cut it off. (He's 13, male and has waist length hair? Don't his schoolfellows make their views known? Physically as well as verbally?)
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Wanderer:
Simple - wait till he's asleep and then cut it off. (He's 13, male and has waist length hair? Don't his schoolfellows make their views known? Physically as well as verbally?)

---

My dear fellow, this is Northern California...where self-expression is king. My brother and sister in law have bought this notion. He has Asperger Syndrome and goes to a special school for kidlets with learning disorders/problem children. Since everyone is on drugs (most of his classmates) from everything from hyperactivity to depression, nobody considers nephew to be freak. He is accepted finally in this school with his long girly goldy locks.

Even me making fun of his locks did not make him cut them albeit he did get very upset...so hence I do not try that approach anymore.

[eta: Auntie C told kidlet that I (Auntie Duchess) might cut off locks when he slept. He got very frightened . I don't have the heart to actually do this...but have killed that urge. ]

[ 10. June 2005, 17:23: Message edited by: duchess ]
 

---

Posted by Light (# 4693) on :
 
Leave the poor kid's hair alone... If it had been a thirteen year old girl everyone would have ooh:ed and aah:ed over the beautiful locks. I presume he keeps it washed and somewhat untangled?
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Nope! He does NOT wash enough...nor does he comb his girly goldy locks...hence my pain.

Due to beautiful face, he is often mistaken for a girl which does not bother him it seems. He is just about to hit puberty and when he does, this may change.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Dear Auntie Duchess,

Let me get this straight: Your nephew has long hair, but he's OK with that. His parents are OK with that. His classmates at school are OK with that. The only one who isn't OK with that is Auntie Duchess. What's wrong with this picture?

How about you get yourself a Schnauzer puppy? Then you can indulge both your control issues and your grooming instincts on a creature that belongs to you rather than to your brother and sister-in-law. You can also have him fixed which should make him more amenable to your control. You can name your Schnauzer "Tim-Tim" or something cute like that. "Come, Tim-Tim!" "Sit, boy!" "Beg!" "Roll over!" "Play dead!". Wouldn't that be more fun than nagging your nephew?

Just a thought.
 

---

Posted by Traveller (# 1943) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Flausa:
Dear Sine,

I admit to looking at the Doublemint Twin website as linked above - some sort of strange pull. Anyway, I was looking at a couple of the profiles, and I found this from twin brothers Gary and Mark:

quote:

---

We enjoy spending time with our beautiful nine-year old daughters, who are not only half-sisters and cousins but were also born only 5 days apart!

---

Hubby and I were trying to unravel the mystery of how there daughters can be half-sisters and cousins and only 5 days apart. In your wisdom, can you explain how this can be?

Sincerely,
Stumped in Scotland

---

Well, the only solution I can think of would involve unfaithfulness on the part of one woman (nearly said "a single mother" ), and a big gap betweeen multiple births. It would take DNA testing to prove it, which you couldn't do if Gary and Mark were identical twins. Perhaps the reporter didn't quite understand the complexities of family relationships
 

---

Posted by The Kat in the Hat (# 2557) on :
 
Surely its because the fathers are identical twins. The girls have the same genetic father, but different mothers, hence are half-sisters. They are cousins because their fathers are brothers.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by St. Seraphim of Sarov:

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:
Can you provide me with a response that is both polite and effective?

---

I always like using the statement: When God gives me one. Usually stops the questioning cold.

---

That always worked for me.
 

---

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine

I am too nice. I always have been. Do you have any tips for becoming more nasty? I try to backstab. I try to be a bastard, but all that comes out is nice.

Thanking you in advance.

LATA
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Oh how embarrassing!

LATA has stumped me. I haven't a clue and shall have to ask my panel of experts for suggestions. RooK? Sarky? Anyone?
 

---

Posted by Goodric (# 8001) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Dear Uncle Sine

I am too nice. I always have been. Do you have any tips for becoming more nasty? I try to backstab. I try to be a bastard, but all that comes out is nice.

Thanking you in advance.

LATA

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Dear Uncle Sine

I am too nice. I always have been. Do you have any tips for becoming more nasty? I try to backstab. I try to be a bastard, but all that comes out is nice.

Thanking you in advance.

LATA

---

I can see I am going to have to take you in training, LATA. Yours is a sad case but I am sure I can help.
 

---

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
LATA, remember how at Christmas/birthdays/present-giving times, people always say "It's the thought that counts"? And remember all those boring sermons, in which the vicar drones on we cannot change ourselves, through our own actions; instead we need Christ to transform us from the inside, through our minds? And remember all the rubbish therapists/Californians spout about us being "human beings" not "human doings"?

Sadly it's all true.

You can try and change your words and actions, but that uses a lot of energy, you have to be constantly thinking about your goal, and it won't provide long-term change.

Instead, every morning, tell yourself that people are stupid, irrational, gullible little fuckers who will only piss off and stop annoying you if you squash them like the ants that they are. Remind yourself of this at regular intervals during the day.

When you have to interact with people, before saying/doing anything, try to take a deep breath, and think "What's the worst thing I can say/do to this person, to show them just how pointless, stupid and insignificant they are, and how much I dislike them - without getting myself sent to prison or fired from my job?" Then do or say it.

Change your way of thinking about the little bastards first, and a change in your ways of acting and speaking to the prats will naturally flow from there

Sarkycow
 

---

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
...I try to be a bastard, but all that comes out is nice.

---

How odd. I'm still stinging from the verbal abuse you've heaped upon me.

What was that supposed to be? ...terms of endearment?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Once again, thank-you, panel of experts!

(One should never be too proud to ask for help with a question outside of one's own experience.)
 

---

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
...I try to be a bastard, but all that comes out is nice.

---

How odd. I'm still stinging from the verbal abuse you've heaped upon me.

What was that supposed to be? ...terms of endearment?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joyfulsoul:
I have a friend who is suffering from a relationship that is just not meant to be. What is the best advice to help her get over the guy?

P.S. the guy is not a jerk.

---

I can't tell here. Have they broken up or are you trying to break them up (for her own good of course.)?

My grandmother's stock answer was "there are plenty of fish in the sea" but I always found that remarkably unhelpful.

I could bare my soul here and remark on a similar problem that moi (Yes, even I have problems - that's why I'm qualified for this thread.) is having.

As you said, some things are just not meant to be. But we want what we want and try to fix things or manipulate things to make them turn out the way we want them to. Your friend has no control over this other person. She can't make him feel the way she wants him to. Ask her if she finds that she's adjusting herself, changing herself, or in some other way not being her true self around this guy in an effort to make it work.

If so, ask her if she would really want to go through life that way, and if she thinks her real self isn't wonderful and valuable and won't be truly appreciated by someone down the road.

Of course what will probably happen is that she'll bitch and moan to you about her unsatisfactory relationship for months and months until some other loser shows up. Then you can hear about him until you're ready to .
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Scots lass:
Dear Sine

I've been offered a job and I'm not sure if I'm going to take it. If I decide against it, what is the correct way to word my decline?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
When visiting New York should I take my own teapot?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by kinder:

Dear Sine-
Is the correct wording
"an" habitual or "a" habitual?

Sincerely,
kinder

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by kinder:

Dear Sine-
Is the correct wording
"an" habitual or "a" habitual?

Sincerely,
kinder

---

"a habitual", unless of course you're in the 'abit of dropping your aitches.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Thirdly, I am told that Americans do not drink tea as God intended, but instead have it cold <snip> When visiting New York should I take my own teapot?

Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.

With thanks

Chapelhead

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joyfulsoul:
I have a friend who is suffering from a relationship that is just not meant to be. What is the best advice to help her get over the guy?

P.S. the guy is not a jerk.

---

I can't tell here. Have they broken up or are you trying to break them up (for her own good of course.)?

My grandmother's stock answer was "there are plenty of fish in the sea" but I always found that remarkably unhelpful.

I could bare my soul here and remark on a similar problem that moi (Yes, even I have problems - that's why I'm qualified for this thread.) is having.

As you said, some things are just not meant to be. But we want what we want and try to fix things or manipulate things to make them turn out the way we want them to. Your friend has no control over this other person. She can't make him feel the way she wants him to. Ask her if she finds that she's adjusting herself, changing herself, or in some other way not being her true self around this guy in an effort to make it work.

If so, ask her if she would really want to go through life that way, and if she thinks her real self isn't wonderful and valuable and won't be truly appreciated by someone down the road.

Of course what will probably happen is that she'll bitch and moan to you about her unsatisfactory relationship for months and months until some other loser shows up. Then you can hear about him until you're ready to .

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Dear Sine

I am intending to visit the United States of America this autumn (or “fall”, as you would so quaintly put it). More specifically I will be in New York, and there are a number of questions with which I’m sure you can assist me.


The first conundrum I have is this: I was brought up to understand that eating in public, especially in the street, and except at proper picnics, should not be undertaken (and on this side of the pond we are particularly aware of how adherence to this principle assisted in the downfall of Communism). However, I am led to believe that one of the great culinary delicacies to be had in New York is the hot-dog (or “dogs”, as I think they are sometimes known). As these seem to be sold by street vendors, is it permissible to eat them in the street without attracting opprobrium? Alternatively, could you suggest any suitable (types of) restaurant where I might enquire as to whether they serve dogs?

Secondly: Although I am not a great watcher of television, I have occasionally seen television programmes (or should that be “programs”?) set in New York, such as Friends and Will and Grace. I gather from these that it is customary when living in apartment blocks in “The big apple” (or am I thinking of “the top banana”?) to leave one’s front door unlocked so one’s friends and neighbours can enter without having the bother of knocking and being let in. Should I also adopt this practice with my hotel room?

Thirdly, I am told that Americans do not drink tea as God intended, but instead have it cold (possibly something to do with getting into a tizzy over the subject of tea some time ago). Also from television and films, I gather that New York is highly susceptible to unfortunate incidents, such as alien invasions, assault by master criminals and attack by Godzilla. In such circumstances having a really good cup of tea would seem most advisable. When visiting New York should I take my own teapot?


Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.


With thanks


Chapelhead

---

My, aren't you the brave one. Gotham, as we all know, is Wicked™. It exists so those of us who live in decent, God-fearing sorts of towns have a place to go to do nasty things we wouldn't dream of doing back home...that, and to see Broadway shows, of course. Therefore normal standards of behavior do not apply. So live it up. Eat hot dogs on the street. Leave your door unlocked and try to make new friends (This works better if you're staying at the YMCA). Who's gonna know?

As for the tea, your best bet is to leave your paraphernalia at home and then complain loudly to the wait-person in a high-pitched, whiny, hoity-toity sort of English voice "I say, old chap, this tea is perfectly dreadful!" I'm sure he or she will jump to make it right and will be grateful for the correction.

I expect some of our NYC shipmates may be along shortly with a different point of view.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Chapelhead, you're going to hate the way hot tea is made here. Even in very good restaurants they will bring you a pot of water that's already starting to cool and a selection of teabags if you order hot tea; you then have to paw through the teabags to find the least objectionable and plunk it in the water way too late. If you're going to NY in the summer it's going to be hot anyway, so why not drink what the natives drink: iced tea, lemonade, soft drinks, or beer.
 

---

Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
did someone mention new york shipmates?

first on a serious note, chaplehead, you _will_ let us know when you'll be here, won't you? the new york shipmates may not be as organized as the californianians, or the nashville mafia, but we do like to have the excuse of a visiting shipmate for a meet.

secondly, street eating is not only appropriate, but one of the great joys of nyc. in fact, in certain areas, the only cheap, quickly available source for a worker to have breakfast or lunch is the traveling "roach-coach".

thirdly, it is only in the southern portions of the country that ordering "tea" will get you iced tea. in these parts, "tea" will get you the hot beverage. weather it will get you a teabag and a pot of water, or a cup brewed properly depends on where you are, but it will at least be hot.

leaving your door unlocked is not recomended.
 

---

Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
oh, and lastly, although nyc has on occasion been devastated by giant lizards*, our usual monster du jour is giant apes.


*twice that i can think of, once by the beast from 20000 fathoms, and once by godzilla.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Dear Sine,

I too intend to visit the United States of America this Summer. More specifically - Florida. Whilst I'm prepared for the inevitable hoots of laughter from Shipmates at my deplorable lack of good taste at choosing such a destination, I'm nevertheless alarmed at Mad Geo's advice in the 'Dress for Success' thread, to wit:

quote:

---

Florida - Disco clothes and mixes of colors and prints you wouldn't see in nature, nor would you want to.

---

This poses a sartorial dilemma for a Brit whose normal attire consists of Jumper Polo shirts, navy M and S jeans and woolly Burberry (pre 'Chav' era) cardigan. The words 'cheap' and 'mutton dressed as lamb' come to mind.

Tell me, Sine, what should I do?
 

---

Posted by Viola (# 20) on :
 
Dear Sine,

I have an event coming up this weekend, which I'm sure would benefit from your wisdom and input.

I am due to meet the parents of Fabulous New Boyfriend for Sunday Lunch - hosted by mother of FNB. Also present will be the brother and sister-in-law of FNB with their 2 year old son. The lunch is in honour of the birthday of FNB's brother, but it will also be the first opportunity that the parents have to check me out.

I think I can manage on the smart casual dress side of things, so my question really hinges on who should receive gifts.

I have met brother, sister-in-law and toddler very briefly. Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way? Should I buy a birthday gift for brother of FNB, or stick with a reasonably tasteful card? Should I take flowers for the mother of FNB? I think I'm excused from bringing a bottle to the table as the parents are strict and teetotal Methodists, and FNB is lapsed and knows far more about wine than I do anyway.

Yours - wishing to create good impression without appearing smarmy,

Viola.
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Viola:
Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by share a ferret:
Dear Sine
I am fortunate enough to be going to Africa this summer with Tearfund to do some aid work for three weeks. The business of one of my friend's parents kindly gave me £100 towards the cost of going. I have now managed to misplace this cheque and can't find it anywhere, I fear it has been chucked out by accident. Would it be ok to ask for another cheque because i lost the one he sent me, and if so, can i talk to his daughter or do i have to speak/write to him?
Yours in anticipation, Ferret.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
I'm nevertheless alarmed at Mad Geo's advice in the 'Dress for Success' thread, to wit:

quote:

---

Florida - Disco clothes and mixes of colors and prints you wouldn't see in nature, nor would you want to.

---

This poses a sartorial dilemma for a Brit whose normal attire consists of Jumper Polo shirts, navy M and S jeans and woolly Burberry (pre 'Chav' era) cardigan. The words 'cheap' and 'mutton dressed as lamb' come to mind.

Tell me, Sine, what should I do?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.


With thanks


Chapelhead

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Viola:
so my question really hinges on who should receive gifts.

I have met brother, sister-in-law and toddler very briefly. Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way? Should I buy a birthday gift for brother of FNB, or stick with a reasonably tasteful card? Should I take flowers for the mother of FNB?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
So just buy the coolest, lightest things you can find locally.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Bede's American Successor:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chapelhead:
Any other advice you can suggest for a Briton visiting our former colony would be most appreciated.Chapelhead

---

Are you making reference to what is a former Dutch colony? The same former Dutch colony with a gift from France in its harbor?

---

Ah, but everybody in Holland watches the BBC, so they practically count as British now.
 

---

Posted by Peronel (# 569) on :
 
KenWritez, clothes in the US are very much cheaper than the UK (half the price or less) so, if you like shopping, then it's worth taking an empty suitcase and scheduling at least one day at the mall.

Actually, that's financially worth it if you don't like shopping. I do all my major clothes shopping once a year, off-season, in detroit. The amount I save more than covers the flight.

Peronel.
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Peronel:
I do all my major clothes shopping once a year, off-season, in detroit.

---

Yeah, but doesn't the fact of having to be in Detroit negate all the good? Why not go to the garment districts in NY or in L.A.? Infinitely less expensive there.
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Peronel:
I do all my major clothes shopping once a year, off-season, in detroit. The amount I save more than covers the flight.

---

Good golly, girl. Is there another, more pressing reason you have to go to Detroit? Surely you could fly to Chicago just as cheaply, and I can guarantee the shopping advantages would be worth it. What's in Detroit? Besides, you can do off-season shopping cheaply just about anywhere.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Ah well. I'll take myself back off to the Summer Fashions thread.

(Miffy who really really wishes she hadn't started to read the Thunderstorms thread.)

[ 15. June 2005, 18:51: Message edited by: Miffy ]
 

---

Posted by Peronel (# 569) on :
 
Detroit also contains my best friend and her wife, so it offers a chance to catch up and spend time together, as well as free accomodation.

There's also the most tacky catholic church in christendom, complete with light up phallic tower. What more could I want?
 

---

Posted by Papio. (# 4201) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Peronel:
There's also the most tacky catholic church in christendom, complete with light up phallic tower.

---

I now want to see it, so that I can ascertain exactly how tacky it is.
 

---

Posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk (# 8783) on :
 
Sine, I desperately need your advice.
Yesterday, I went to visit one of the seniors from our congregation. She was in a local intensive care/chronic care hospital, awaiting placement in a nursing home when a space becomes available.
Her 4 adult children, while not able to contribute a great deal financially, are all very hardworking, well liked members of our congregation. Two sing in the choir, one leads the youth group, one is our Sunday school superintendent.

Anyhow, because the dear old soul often spoke of the lovely peony garden she had when she still owned her home, I took her a large bouquet of peonies from our back garden. Unfortunately, they were infested with ants, which did not show themselves during the brief trip to the hospital.
Unfortuantely again, the woman who shared her hospital room is deathly alergic to fire ants.
When that woman's oldest daughter arrived for a visit and saw the ants (they were NOT fire ants!) she took it upon herself to smash the window in the hospital room, toss the flowers into the parking lot, scream at the hospital administrator, and launch a lawsuit against the hospital, the city, and the county.

Unfortunately yet again, a nursing home bed came available that same day in a community 60 KM away. Under normal circumstances, the woman probably would have been allowed to wait for one closer to her family. It seems, however, that they must now either agree to her placement, where her room would be covered under medicare, or begin paying $3500 per day for the "true cost" of her hospital bed. The family can't afford to make that choice, and she will be sent 60 KMs away tomorrow.
The family, it seems, is unable to make the commute to that community on anything approaching a regular basis, so, tragicly, the woman is destined to die alone, forgotten, far from home and family - all because of my peony bouquet.

What should I say to the family, Sine?
 

---

Posted by Peronel (# 569) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Papio.:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Peronel:
There's also the most tacky catholic church in christendom, complete with light up phallic tower.

---

I now want to see it, so that I can ascertain exactly how tacky it is.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Viola:
Toddler was frightened of me. Does he need a present in an 'oh yes you can buy love' kind of way?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by welsh dragon:
Believe me, though, a church dedicated to this patron saint has a great deal more intrinsic potential for tacky-ness. Illuminated flying artificial roses & etc.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Sine, I desperately need your advice.
Yesterday, I went to visit one of the seniors from our congregation. She was in a local intensive care/chronic care hospital, awaiting placement in a nursing home when a space becomes available.
Her 4 adult children, while not able to contribute a great deal financially, are all very hardworking, well liked members of our congregation. Two sing in the choir, one leads the youth group, one is our Sunday school superintendent.

Anyhow, because the dear old soul often spoke of the lovely peony garden she had when she still owned her home, I took her a large bouquet of peonies from our back garden. Unfortunately, they were infested with ants, which did not show themselves during the brief trip to the hospital.
Unfortuantely again, the woman who shared her hospital room is deathly alergic to fire ants.
When that woman's oldest daughter arrived for a visit and saw the ants (they were NOT fire ants!) she took it upon herself to smash the window in the hospital room, toss the flowers into the parking lot, scream at the hospital administrator, and launch a lawsuit against the hospital, the city, and the county.

Unfortunately yet again, a nursing home bed came available that same day in a community 60 KM away. Under normal circumstances, the woman probably would have been allowed to wait for one closer to her family. It seems, however, that they must now either agree to her placement, where her room would be covered under medicare, or begin paying $3500 per day for the "true cost" of her hospital bed. The family can't afford to make that choice, and she will be sent 60 KMs away tomorrow.
The family, it seems, is unable to make the commute to that community on anything approaching a regular basis, so, tragicly, the woman is destined to die alone, forgotten, far from home and family - all because of my peony bouquet.

What should I say to the family, Sine?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Unfortunately yet again, a nursing home bed came available that same day in a community 60 KM away. Under normal circumstances, the woman probably would have been allowed to wait for one closer to her family. It seems, however, that they must now either agree to her placement, where her room would be covered under medicare, or begin paying $3500 per day for the "true cost" of her hospital bed.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by John Holding:
(Of course, it is possible Jerry has not misunderstood the nature of this thread and is having a laugh at us taking an imaginary problem seriously.

---

Ummm....given that Jerry is claiming that all of this happened in one day (from ants, to lawsuit, to granny being chucked out of the nursing home), I think you can assume he's taking the piss.

(I love using those British expressions... )
 

---

Posted by rugasaw (# 7315) on :
 
Fire ants don't live in Canada. I think that either a leg is being pulled or some one should contact a newspaper like Josephine suggested.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Would anybody like to buy a bridge? I believe Jere has one for sale.
 

---

Posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk (# 8783) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Would anybody like to buy a bridge? I believe Jere has one for sale.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moth:
Dear Eliab,

A suggestion from a mere amateur, whilst we await Sine.

Next time, go upstairs, sit on the bed for a few minutes, then jump up and down once or twice on the floor in a mattress-moving-simulating kind of way.

Then go downstairs, dusting off your hands and say "Job done!".

---

Great idea, Moth. Unless Mrs E Snr decides to check for herself!
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
The problem with turning a mattress is that you have to strip the bed first.

Tell your MIL that you will turn the mattress next time the sheets are changed. With luck, she will leave before then.

Moo
 

---

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moo:
The problem with turning a mattress is that you have to strip the bed first.

Tell your MIL that you will turn the mattress next time the sheets are changed. With luck, she will leave before then.

Moo

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Eliab:
Mrs Eliab’s mother has come to stay for the weekend. In due course, she asked my dear wife when we last turned our mattress.

I tried reason...I tried rhetoric...I even tried honestly expressing my feelings

It didn’t work. I got ordered to shift the bedding about.

And then she’ll find even more pointless jobs to make Mrs Eliab feel guilty about until she gets me to do them.

Sine, do you think I could have handled this better?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
I recently slightly singed my tie on a candle, leaving a small black mark on the edge of the wide bit...The tie has survived worse on the school farm, and I'm sure it has many years of wear and tear left in it—that's the beauty and durability of nylon for ya— if only this scorch mark can be dealt with.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Eliab:
Mrs Eliab’s mother has come to stay for the weekend. ...

---

You glossed over what's really going on here.

It's not about you. It's not about the mattress. It's about your mother-in-law trying to make her daughter feel like an incompetent housekeeper.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
Gordon, may I suggest you aren't being quite truthful here. You talk of a small black mark on the tie, but later reveal this tie is nylon. Nylon doesn't scorch. It melts.

---

quote:

---

You need to accessorize to hide the melted spot. I suggest you crash, I mean attend, the reunion clutching your latest Jesus book to your chest.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gordon Cheng
I have a series of 'illustrated bible scenes' ties my aunt gave me years ago for my confirmation.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moo:
Is there any chance you could show us a picture of these? My mind boggles.

Moo

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
Gordon might like one of these.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
What is the best way to go about choosing husbands for one's daughters?

My daughters are aged 12 and 10 and I am anxious not to leave this important process until too late.

I would like gentlemen of good breeding and incredible wealth, but I understand that not many men fit both criteria. If I have to choose between the two, which is the more important?

---

quote:

---

PS. A handy hint on how to keep the claws of females off my son would also be appreciated.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
I am a man of few principles, but I assure you one of them is not wearing ties that cost eight dollars.

Gordon, however, may feel differently.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
Gordon might like one of these.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
But this is the sort of thing I had in mind, only the colours were not quite as subdued. I mean, when you've got a message to proclaim, proclaim it, I tells ya.

---

Campbellite should be pleased with that. It's 100% pure silk

Moo
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Coot:
Noah's Ark with the bright green undergrowth. I am even thinking of ordering some!

---

It is quite stunning. I was thinking abou ordering one for my minister.
 

---

Posted by Leetle Masha (# 8209) on :
 
A friend once bought, somewhere in England, the most beautiful neckties for the sidesmen at his church, dedicated to St. Mark. The ties were a deep burgundy with tiny lions woven in in gold thread.

Elegant.

LM
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Actually, LM, the Metropolitan Opera used to sell ties like that, in one's choice of navy blue or burgundy, as a tie-in (as it were) to Verdi's "Otello." I bought my future husband one for our first Christmas together, and he wore it at our wedding the next summer. (In fact, our anniversary is tomorrow.)

Rossweisse // Eviva il leon di San Marco!
 

---

Posted by Leetle Masha (# 8209) on :
 
Happy Anniversary and Many Years, Ross! I hope your gondola always glides smoothly and that you will always be serenaded by a sweet voice singing of love and happiness!

Best wishes,

LM
 

---

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :
 
This one of the ties found by Ariel could be misconstrued, because if you imagine it being worn, it would give the impression that Jesus is looking devotedly toward the head of the wearer.

Or is that intended?
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moo:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
But this is the sort of thing I had in mind.

---

Campbellite should be pleased with that. It's 100% pure silk

Moo

---

Oh dear!

I actually DO own (and wear!) that very same tie!

Mrs. C. gave it to me.
 

---

Posted by Gordon Cheng (# 8895) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:

I actually DO own (and wear!) that very same tie!

---

And that is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, brother Campbellite.

Now if you want me to get back to that fellow who was offering me the Foghorn Leghorn number, just shoot me a PM. Ah say, ah say, ah don't know wah he offered it to me, ah tell ya, and will ya listen to me when ah'm talkin' to ya.

You and I, we seem to be kindred spirits.

[ 27. June 2005, 10:16: Message edited by: Gordon Cheng ]
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Hey Sine, question for you:

My middle brother, oldest brother, and sister are invited out to dinner by Middle's elderly neighbors.

Oldest Brother orders the most expensive entree, two expensive appetizers for everyone (which the neighbors did not eat), and two pricey glasses of wine. Middle brother and sister try giving him The Eye and The Cough to urge him to rein in his spending, but he is oblivious. Total dinner tab for the five of them is about $250.

Middle brother feels Oldest Brother took advantage of the situation, acted the heel, and should pay for his own expensive extras, which he did not do when settling the tab at the restaurant.

I suggested one option: Take the cash for Oldest's extras over to the neighbors and say Oldest "forgot" to give this to them the night of the dinner. Then, Middle and Oldest can come to whatever reckoning they like.

Is Middle over-reacting and was Oldest a mooch? If you are invited out to dinner, is it a license to order as you please or do you refrain from the orgy? IOTW, what's the best way to handle oneself as a guest in such a situation?
 

---

Posted by saysay (# 6645) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
If you are invited out to dinner, is it a license to order as you please or do you refrain from the orgy?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Is Middle over-reacting and was Oldest a mooch?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
...And in general, if the host won't say what he or she is getting to give you a price guide, go for the chicken.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moo:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gordon Cheng:
But this is the sort of thing I had in mind.

---

Campbellite should be pleased with that. It's 100% pure silk

---

Oh dear!

I actually DO own (and wear!) that very same tie!

Mrs. C. gave it to me.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
Gordon might like one of these. Some of them are illustrated. The one with the Last Supper on it could be a bit of a problem though, you'd have to wear it sideways to get the full effect.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Wanderer:
She is talking the language of heaven

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
How many times should I say "I beg your pardon?" or "What did you say" before I give up and just smile and nod like I understand what she's saying?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jeremiah Gutzywuk:
Maybe the reason you don't understand her when she asks you to pass the grits and cornpone is because she is actually asking if you have any strawberries and Devon custard?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by saysay:
Is there a polite way to tell him that if he doesn’t start acting like a human being instead of pretending that everything is peachy keen all the time I am likely to snap and beat the living shit out of him?

---

Oh my! What a fascinating glimpse into another's family life. There is so much here I would like to comment on, but a) it is Heaven, and b) I'm just here to answer questions. So I guess I'll have to just answer the actual question. Pity.

If I read you correctly, you wish to change your father and step-mother's behavior. You can't. You can only change your own. (I do find it interesting that what really annoys you is that your father is cheerful. One would like to say that is an attitude to be encouraged in others, but apparently not.) At the risk of pointing out the obvious you have choices in how you react to them. You need to learn some detatchment, and possibly some forgiveness, if you wish to stay in a relationship with them. I also suggest you copy out the Serenity Prayer and stick it in your pocket when you go to see them. Refer to it as necessary.

You are presumably an adult. You are under no obligation to continue passively reacting (rather than acting) to them as if you were still a child. They can only jerk your chain if you let them.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Dear Sine,

Earlier this week my boss sent round an email saying we had been invited to visit a factory on an industrial estate near Swindon and when would we like to go, with a choice of dates.

My immediate reaction was "Never" but while I struggled to find a tactful and acceptable way of expresssing this, or of quickly booking myself a holiday on those dates within the next few minutes, the date was settled by email by the more enthusiastic members of the section and we are due to drive down and spend the day there in a couple of weeks.

I am still trying to find a tactful and acceptable way out of what I regard as a complete waste of time when I shall be given a day-long sales pitch as my colleagues and I inspect the factory and see how things are made. Frankly I don't care so long as the job is done OK, and we are not going to get a nice lunch out of it either. I asked the last people who went what they got, and was told "manky sandwiches."

Any suggestions on how to pull out of this? I just wish I could be honest and say the thought bores me to distraction and I'd rather stay at the office. I have successfully evaded a previous trip on the grounds that it would be difficult to get to but don't think I can get out of this one.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Calling in sick the day of the excursion, which does indeed sound loathsome, would be too obvious. What you need here is the ever-popular Home Emergency.

My favorite Home Emergency is the busted water-heater. It's also better if you have your boss's home phone number so you can call him/her at the crack of dawn: "OMG! I hope I didn't wake you! I just got up and there's water everywhere! It must be the water-heater. Got to call the landlord. Looks like I'll be a little late. I'll keep you posted."

Then have some more tea and watch the morning news for a while. Call the office about twenty minutes after starting time and update them: "The plumber was supposed to be here a half hour ago, but still hasn't shown up. You guys may have to leave without me."

Show up at work about forty-five minutes after they've left for the factory tour with extravagant expressions of regret for having missed such an interesting and informative outing.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
By the way, be sure you show up at the office with stringy unwashed hair, looking generally disheveled*. That will add authenticity to your story. Details are important when lying...so I'm told.

(*Assuming this is not your normal appearance.)
 

---

Posted by Suze (# 5639) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine,

I'm hoping you can help me with my dilema.

I have recently returned from a very sunny summer holiday having, unfortunately, overdone the "sunny" bit. As a result my shoulders, back, arms and, erm, decollete are a patchy mix of freckled, sun burnt and peeling skin. Ok, let's be frank, I look like I've survived an acid attack. Now normally I'd cover up, put loads of body cream on the affected areas and hide for a week or so. I am, unfortunately, due to attend a business function with my other half and have bought at no small expense, an off the shoulder, low back type dress to wear, complete with matching shoes, bag etc etc as we girlies tend to do.

So, do I wear the ensemble regardless of the fact I look like a leper, try to find something else to wear at additional expense (not to mention "discussion" with other half re wasting limited funds etc etc) or do I feign illness on the night and not go at all.

Yours hopefully


PS I hope you don't mind me addressing you as "uncle" being that we're not actually related and all but I've been reading your advice for ages now and I feel like I practically know you. Thanks awfully.
 

---

Posted by Rat (# 3373) on :
 
Without pre-empting Uncle Sine's doubtless excellent advice, I think the answer depends a lot on whether you are actively shedding skin, and whether it is likely to end up in other guests' drinks or dinners.

I'd suggest a cardigan.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
I think Rat is on the right track. Even if patches of skin aren't falling off into the soup you obviously look revolting, regardless of how much the chic little outfit cost. Is it possible to get an attractive jacket to wear with the dress? Perhaps something light and sparkly and summery? Or the cardigan suggested by Rat?

Another alternative, and one to which I have actually had recourse before is to get a massage the afternoon of the party and have the therapist rub off all the loose skin possible and oil you up well. Not much fun for him/her but that's what they're getting paid for, after all*. Then apply some self-tanning lotion to try to even out the skin tones a bit.

Of course you could just admit defeat and take one of those hand-carved backscratchers to the party and sit there absent-mindedly scratching the dead skin off as if it were perfectly normal behavior on your part, but I wouldn't really recommend it. As for staying home, if you do that the chic outfit is for naught anyway and who knows what your other half will be up to without your eagle eye upon him. Best not to risk it.

(*Probably better if you have a regular massage therapist here rather than just walking in off the street. Of course the stress of life being what it is, everyone should have a regular massage therapist anyway. I certainly do. Charming man. And those magic fingers. Bliss.)
 

---

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Suze, I recommend you get yourself a chic little bolero. I'd suggest a complementary colour, as that will break up your outfit, and make it look as if the jacket is part of the outfit, not a last minute add-on

Or try a stole, for a similar effect. Problem with a stole is that you generally have to keep hold of them, or remove them...

Sarkycow
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
The Bovinator is of like mind with me. Get yourself a stole, shawl or some kind of largish but stylish wrap to cover your shoulders and back. (I vote for simple black.) Put it on and bolt it to your body if you must, but do not surrender it.
 

---

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Depends what colour the dress is. If the dress is pale, then black will over-balance you. If you dress is black, then a black top is too much of a good thing.

Pick an appropriate colour, that works well with the dress
 

---

Posted by cocktailgirl (# 8684) on :
 
Yep. Get a pashmina or something. It worked for me when I had an amazing big bruise on my upper arm, not one of whose many hues matched my posh frock. A pashmina is big enough to stay in place while you're eating, and if there's dancing, you can tie it together at the back. Won't help much if your dress is low cut though. Maybe a burka?
 

---

Posted by Suze (# 5639) on :
 
Thanks all for your invaluable advice - think I'm going to go for a combination of pashmina/wrap type thing - the dress is in shades of bluey/green so something in that scheme should be OK - and the whole massage/self tan thing, not least because it'll do my poor abused skin some good to get some TLC.

I did, briefly, consider the backscratcher but I couldn't use one of them and pick my toes at the same time (did I mention the athlete's foot problem I've be struggling with.....)

I'm sure the night will be a great success, thanks to my shipmates timely advice.

[trying to spell is also a struggle just now - doh!)

[ 01. July 2005, 16:29: Message edited by: Suze ]
 

---

Posted by birdie (# 2173) on :
 
Those little shrug things seem to be all the rage at the moment too, although they might not cover up enough skin for your liking under the circumstances.

b

[cross-posted]

[ 01. July 2005, 16:33: Message edited by: birdie ]
 

---

Posted by cocktailgirl (# 8684) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Suze:
I did, briefly, consider the backscratcher but I couldn't use one of them and pick my toes at the same time (did I mention the athlete's foot problem I've be struggling with.....)

---

Will there be any of you left by the time the big night happens?!
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 
You don't want anyone to ask why you're chanting, "He loves me, he loves me not ..."
 

---

Posted by Suze (# 5639) on :
 

 

---

Posted by luvanddaisies (# 5761) on :
 
Dear Sine;

have you retired?
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Apparently all problems were solved and we now live in the best of all possible worlds.
 

---

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
I like your new sig, but I think it's safe to say that none of us are as nasty as Goodric.
 

---

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :
 
I have a question.

Is it better to wear green while fishing in the South Harpeth, or a khaki color? I'm going fishing tomorrow and I don't want to be outré.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Just wear your usual camouflage outfit and you'll go with everything. Do not, however, wear your baseball cap backwards. That's so yesterday.
 

---

Posted by Goodric (# 8001) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Grits:
I like your new sig, but I think it's safe to say that none of us are as nasty as Goodric.

---

Dear Uncle Sine,

I seem to have unfortunately accrued a reputation for being really, really, really nasty. It is quite clear that everyone is scared out of their wits of me and I am hated by most Shipmates for my evil posts. Even YOU say you are not as nasty as I am and you are apparantly happy to be associated with any place in the world, save, dear olde Buxton Spa - a most beautiful and cultured place. A town "You all know anyway" I am somewhat associated with.

Therefore could you please, kindly advise, if there is anything I can do to remedy this situation. I have almost been a year on The Ship, a meagre passage of time for a tyrant and I hate to think how my world wide reputation will continue to decline. I fear my infamy for nastyness of a brutal and unsubtle nature may spread beyond the Ship so that I am held to be an even greater pariah than Saddam Hussain, Osama Bin-Laden, Joseph Stalin or Adolph Hitler.

Is there anything I can do?

Yours, in ever increasing circles of nastyness and tear sodden handkerchiefs.

Goodric.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Dear Goodric,

It is obvious you suffer from that old-fashioned complaint an excess of bile. It is endemic among CofE clergy trapped in parishes that do not offer Alpha courses.

Old-fashioned complaints require old-fashioned cures. Eat more plums. That will clear out your system and get those bile ducts working properly again.

If this doesn't work you might petition the administrators for a name change and start over. Perhaps you could consider "Pyx_e_Jr".

[ 16. July 2005, 11:08: Message edited by: Sine Nomine ]
 

---

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine,

Sadly, we all have the potential for evil - suggesting that Goodric attend an Alpha course strikes me as a good way of unleashing his true evil. Not wise.

Goodric isn't really nasty - he's actually a real cutie but he thinks he's nasty and some people on board have seen fit to encourage this delusion.

Witness his lovely PMs or the good, generous and kind defence he has attempted of 103 on these boards: he is sweet and holy man, brimming o'erful with charity and spiritual efficacy.

Let me know if you ever find yourself on the right side of the pond, dUS, and together we can Mystery Worship the church in a certain Midlands Spa town and see Goodric in the true light of his radiant holiness, for it will truly be the closest either of us gets to Jesus of Nazareth.

Corpus
 

---

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine,

I think I've developed a teenage crush on a famously grumpy clergyman at a Midlands Spa town. It's disturbing since (a)I can't remember how long it is since I was a teenager and (b)the clergyman in question is one of the nastiest parsons in this fair realm (Grr) but I feel the need to defend him publicly.

What should I do?

Corpus
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
While there is nothing wrong with feelings per se, we should not necessarily act on all of them. That would make you a sociopath and mother wouldn't like that, now would she?
 

---

Posted by Goodric (# 8001) on :
 
Dear Uncle Sine

I'm afraid your last piece of advice may have been a little flawed. I have been running Alpha courses for about eight years now. Admittedly when I speak I'm not quite so smooth as Mr Gumbel on his videos and there seems to be a lack of nubile younbg women in the audience gazing in awe at me. (Perhaps Corpus could supply a few of those?) Nevertheless I run Alpha courses and our parish is now on its third series. Therefore would I be correct in assuming that because of this the "bile" is less of an issue than you might have thought at first.

I must admit I find it somewhat amusing that you could have thought I would not have run Alpha courses. I thought I was typical Alpha fodder - are not most Alphartised clergy like me?

I also have another problem that I wish to share with you. This is one that has just come to light. There is someone on the Ship who fancies me like mad. I don't know what to do about this bewcause even though he is clearly very "nice" and his judgements are usually perfect in everything, I am already a marred, sorry married man?

Furthermore I fear for his safety and mine. Should Mrs Goodric ever find out there was even a hint of scandal, my head would be found the next Sunday, by the congregation, impaled on the processional cross as an example to all and if she ever tracked down my admirer, his entrails would be employed as elastication in her not inconsiderable wardrobe of ladies bloomers.

To add to this is the strange issue is Callan, who I was absolutely convinced, from his posting style was female, but who recently revealed himself to us all as being a male, but also with a female Sex I D according to the BBC. (If the BBC say so, then it MUST be right). How am I supposed to know who tyo fancy in this place?

So Uncle Sine I still have this besetting problem of nastyness and my woes on the ship seem to be multiplying through having attracted someone through my subtle charms.

Yours with a finger firmly on the monitor switch and an ear to the door.

Goodric

[ 16. July 2005, 21:45: Message edited by: Goodric ]
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
You boys need to get a room and thrash (as it were) things out for yourselves. There's nothing that good, open communication can't resolve as I'm sure you know from all your Alpha courses.

We certainly don't want a hostly reminder that the dating thread was closed for a reason.
 

---

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Do you think Corpus's signature might give us a hint of what's going on here?
 

---

Posted by Revelle (# 8554) on :
 
Dear Sine:

This may seem out of left field, but oh well. You see I have a rather close friend (female) who I am getting very attracted to. Now we are the best of friends, and i was wondering how one would go about this. I know you should tread carefully as the save the relationship...but I really do like her allot.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Revelle:
Now we are the best of friends, and i was wondering how one would go about this.

---

That's simple. You're honest with her about your feelings but don't try to control the outcome and accept her answer even if it's not what you wanted to hear.

Simple, but not easy. I've been there. Fairly recently in fact. I didn't get the answer I wanted but since I was honest we're still friends.

Try it.
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
{sigh}

The last time we had an Agony Aunt on the Ship of Fools, it was Miss Monica, who was into solving Problems by tying them up and disciplining them with whips and chains.

And now we have... Sine.

Standards are slipping. Everyone is becoming so Republican.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Tell us more about Miss Monica...
 

---

Posted by Emma. (# 3571) on :
 
ohh i missed out on miss discipline?! shucks.
 

---

Posted by lazystudent (# 5172) on :
 
And Miss Demeanour. Now there was a lady to turn a Ship.
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
All y'all have far too high SoF membership numbers to remember Miss Monica, and I'm not feeling anywhere grizzled enough to sit in the proverbial Ship's rocking chair and regale whippersnappers with "I remember when."
 

---

Posted by Emma. (# 3571) on :
 
awwwww......
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Special to "Anonymous in Western State":

Ditch the tail. Young hair and old face don't work well in close proximity.
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
Whippersnappers can go read for themselves.

Ask Miss Monica

Shipmates might like to read the answer to Wood's question on how to feed a moose.
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Sven was never really the same after I baptised him in a mug of tea, was he?

(Wonders if there is any Sven/Miss Monica slash fiction out there, remembers this is Heaven and shuffles off shamefaced ...)
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybear:
Whippersnappers can go read for themselves.

Ask Miss Monica

Shipmates might like to read the answer to Wood's question on how to feed a moose.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Grits:
Well, I finally broke down and bought those linen pants you said I couldn't do without.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Grits:
Well, I finally broke down and bought those linen pants you said I couldn't do without.

Here's my question: Are they really dry clean only?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:
Should I be touched and proud, or mortified and offended?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:
I have climbed the greasy pole

---

quote:

---

(I must say, lined linen slacks seem like something of an oxymoron.)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Corpus cani:
I have climbed the greasy pole

---

BTW, is this anything like 'spanking the monkey'? I try to keep my slang current.

---

I don't think so, but simian-slapping is hardly my field.

Corpus
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Sine, I have an important but not terribly urgent question for you.

Thanksgiving approaches and the Sturdy Wench and I will be having my family up for the day to our newly remodeled house.

One of my brothers is a nit-picker. "Why'd you do it that way?" or "You should have waited to do so-and-so." This, of course, all comes under the guise of offering "helpful advice."

I am tempted to rudely tell him where he can insert his "helpful advice" if he trots it out, but what would you suggest for a more socially acceptable form of dealing with this?
 

---

Posted by The Prophetess (# 1439) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Thanksgiving approaches

---

And I thought my brother made me crazy...
 

---

Posted by Rat (# 3373) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
I am tempted to rudely tell him where he can insert his "helpful advice" if he trots it out, but what would you suggest for a more socially acceptable form of dealing with this?

---

• Play dumb/feign interest: "How would you do it? Why would you do it that way? But what made you decide that?" Ask pointlessly detailed questions. He'll quickly realize what you're doing, but as long as you're polite, there's nothing he can do without either stopping the conversation or becoming rude himself.
• Three steps:
  Smile
  Exclaim "how interesting!"
  Immediately forget

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Prophetess:

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Thanksgiving approaches

---

And I thought my brother made me crazy...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Thanksgiving approaches

---

quote:

---

the Sturdy Wench and I will be having my family up for the day to our newly remodeled house.

---

quote:

---

One of my brothers is a nit-picker.

I am tempted to rudely tell him where he can insert his "helpful advice" if he trots it out, but what would you suggest for a more socially acceptable form of dealing with this?

---

In a mild tone of voice you say "You could be right" and go on about your business.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Ooh, Ken, that's a good one! Will drive the guy nuts!
 

---

Posted by Eliab (# 9153) on :
 
Dear Sine,

I’m sorry to ask for help once again, but this one has me stumped. And for once, it isn’t a problem with Mrs Eliab.

One of my very oldest friends has been living with his girlfriend for several years. Recently, they have started sharing their home with another female house-mate. In fact, she is the third member of what is a polyamorous triplet. My friend has told others about the true nature of the relationship only when absolutely necessary and in the very strictest confidence. So naturally it has become common knowledge.

The problem is, I haven’t officially been told, so I have maintained the polite fiction that the two ladies are one girlfriend and one housemate and nothing more.

In the next two months or so, the House of Eliab is celebrating the baptism of my son and nephew (nb. that is, my son and my nephew, being two distinct babies, not just one baby meriting both labels, which would be incestuous). I’m inviting my friends and family to celebrate with me. Obviously it is only polite to invite partners as well, and I’d certainly invite Girlfriend A because I am friends with her as well as her boyfriend. I wouldn’t ordinarily extend an invitation to this sort of family event to people who merely happen to share a house with friends of mine, and I do not know Girlfriend B well enough that she would expect any invitation from me in her own right. But I would certainly invite her if she was my friend’s only romantic attachment.

So is it polite to continue to pretend she is just a housemate and invite only my friend and Girlfriend A? Will it look like a snub to Girlfriend B? Will it look judgemental? Or would it be rude to invite her when ‘officially’ I don’t know about the relationship?

And in general terms, what is the modern etiquette for dealing with friends in polyamorous relationships? Is any stable co-habiting group entitled to be treated as a ‘couple’? Does ‘Mr Solomon and partner’ on an invitation mean just the one partner? And if so, is it polite for the inviter to specify which partner (to avoid putting additional strain on what must be a difficult set of household affairs to manage), or should the guest be put to election as to which of his partners to bring?

I’m sure there are rules about this sort of thing. I just can’t bring myself to Google for them. The thought of what sort of websites I’d turn up…

Sine, please help,


Eliab
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
What a delightful question! Socially people are either engaged, married, or single. Your friend Studly and Girlfriend A can be considered "engaged" since they have been living together several years. You are correct that Girlfriend B socially is a "roommate" since only a cad would be engaged to two girls at the same time.

That you haven’t been officially told is not "the problem". It’s a blessing. You invite Studly and Girlfriend A. Period. Now, if when you issue this invitation Studly would care to explain the exact nature of his domestic relationships, you get to say "How very interesting. I shall look forward to getting acquainted with her, but of course this is a baptism, not a cocktail party. We’re just having family and close friends naturally."

Now as to general rules, there really aren’t social rules regarding what unmarried people do in the bedroom. Partners in a ménage à trois don’t exist as a social unit. Indeed considering how much trouble just a two person couple can create when they get liquored up, one shudders to think about the scenes possible for a threesome.

Obviously since Studly is a close friend of yours you’ve got some hard decisions to make. I think you need to talk to him and find out what his expectations are. Then you need to take those expectations back to your wife and find out how she feels about them. Then abide by her decision. It’s quite possible you may have to start meeting your friend, just the two of you, for lunch or a drink.

When people make unconventional life-style choices they cannot expect others to necessarily cater to them. As you said, this is an inherently unstable relationship. It could implode at any time. You don’t want to be caught in the middle.

OK, those are my thoughts. I’ll now throw it open to the Panel of Experts. Anybody got any better ideas?
 

---

Posted by Dee-nz (# 5681) on :
 
Sine,

How could anyone improve on that perfect peice of advice

Have you ever considered a career in the diplomatic service?
 

---

Posted by Ginga (# 1899) on :
 
How poly is it? Are the two ladies involved at all, or is it just him that's having all the fun? If it's triangular, you could invite him and partner, and then also invite Girlfriend A and partner, leaving her free to bring along Girlfriend B should she wish (following explanations because it's a secret, of course).
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
Sound social advice, as always, Sine. But since you asked for outside opinions, this particular part of your answer struck me:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Obviously since Studly is a close friend of yours you’ve got some hard decisions to make. I think you need to talk to him and find out what his expectations are. Then you need to take those expectations back to your wife and find out how she feels about them. Then abide by her decision.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Presleyterian:
Dear Sine:

I would appreciate your advice on how I can cultivate interesting and colorful friends like Eliab has.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep:
My cousin is marrying a lovely girl...

...my mother has decreed I should buy him something, since I'm traveling a thousand miles for the wedding. She says it's tacky to show up empty-handed...

...(and I'm not just grumpy because they have a brand new California King sleigh bed)...

Is it truly tacky to show up empty-handed? If so, are there any suggestions for gifts more in my price range?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
In our lunch room at work today, the woman sitting next to me...farted.

I was lost for words. I pretended I had heard nothing and she just went right on doing what she'd been doing pre-fart.

Should I have said something?

---

quote:

---

Good advice from josephine, followed by:
That shouldn't break your budget, and it would have the added benefit that anyone who dared criticize your choice of gift would risk appearing mercenary and crass.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ferijen:
Just checking. We comprehensive schoolers didn't get Latin...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
But as to your real question "Is is tacky to show up empty-handed": No, it is not. Presents are never obligatory.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
But as to your real question "Is it tacky to show up empty-handed": No, it is not. Presents are never obligatory.

---

Not to weddings; presents, however, are officially obligatory at children's birthday parties and showers.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by ferijen:
Sine, "sign" or "See-nay".

I've always said the first, but thinking about it, it should be the second, shouldn't it.

Just checking. We comprehensive schoolers didn't get Latin...

---

quote:

---

p.s.: Sometimes I'm glad my mother is dead.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Moving right along, "your mother has decreed", has she? Still in the midst of the mother/daughter power struggle are we, Spiffy? What else can she find to make you feel "less than" at this supposedly happy family occasion? Has she criticized your outfit yet?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:


p.s.: Sometimes I'm glad my mother is dead.

---

quote:

---

Which raises a question, Sign. How does one exorcise the ghost of one's mother?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
Which raises a question, Sign. How does one exorcise the ghost of one's mother?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
In our lunch room at work today, the woman sitting next to me...farted.

I was lost for words. I pretended I had heard nothing and she just went right on doing what she'd been doing pre-fart.

Should I have said something?

---

What Ann said. Although the really remarkable part of the story is that you were at a loss for words.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ann:
I was taught that all signs of intestinal distress short of requiring immediate medical aid should be completely ignored by both parties; apologising is as much of a faux pas as laughing and pointing.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
What if, as a result of me saying nothing, this woman now thinks "Oh, good, I can just fart around LATA any old time", and just blurts away on a regular basis while I'm eating? Yesterday's fart was not smelly, but if she drops a real stinker, am I entitled to say something? If so, what?

Sushi is expensive. I don't want to be vomiting it back because I share a lunch room with a woman with loose bowels.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
Which raises a question, Sign. How does one exorcise the ghost of one's mother?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ann:
I was taught that all signs of intestinal distress short of requiring immediate medical aid should be completely ignored by both parties;

---

Oh, yes. One must maintain appearances by all means. Never let it be said that gaseous emissions at the dinner table, when helped along by a lifted cheek and grunt, are rude and anti-social.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rat:
Somebody doing what you describe, on the other hand, is obviously doing it on purpose and already knows it is revolting, rude and anti-social.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by splosh:
I have been invited to an ex-boyfriend's wedding. Having not seen or spoken to ex for over a year, I am uncertain to whether to go, and if I do what to take as a gift.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
If the Osage medicine man failed, I'm sure I wouldn't know how.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by JLG
Count your blessings if you only have the ghost of your mother. In addition to my German-Scots mother, twenty-odd years ago I inherited an Old Yankee Housewife ghost with my house. It's still an act of major willpower to throw away the last sliver of the bar of soap, and it isn't my mother's voice in my head!

---

Oh, for heaven's sake, Jennifer. This is about Issues, not Poltergeist. Try stripping the wallpaper in the bathroom. That's where they usually hide. If that doesn't help, at least you've managed to Redecorate.
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
You've never grappled with an Old Yankee Housewife, living or dead, have you, tomb.

Strip the wallpaper in the bathroom. *snort*
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
"Grappled?"

You make it sound so dirty.
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
I should be so lucky.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by splosh:
Dear Sine,

I have been invited to an ex-boyfriend's wedding. Having not seen or spoken to ex for over a year, I am uncertain to whether to go, and if I do what to take as a gift.

please enlighten me

---

While women will invite ex-boyfriends to their weddings without ulterior motives it is an odd fact that no man ever invites an ex-girlfriend to his wedding just to be nice, especially one he hasn't seen or spoken to for over a year. You'd think it would be the other way round, but it's not. So you already know he's up to no good and certainly doesn't have your best interests at heart.

And there's a part of you that really, really wants to go, isn't there, Splosh? Wants to see if the groom looks tired and unhappy. Wants to check out the bride. Is she better or worse looking than you are? Pick out any flaws that might make you Ex miserable. Does she bray like a donkey when she laughs? The bustle on her gown that can't hide her fat ass. Her mother looks to be a virago who will be the mother-in-law from Hell. You certainly don't want to go to feel the love, as it were.

The thoughts we think about others always come back to us, for good or ill. It's a cosmic law. I personally would advise you not to put yourself in a situation where you will be thinking thoughts and having emotions that will ultimately be self-harming.

But that's a man's advice. For a woman's advice, see Rat's post. I bet you won't be able to resist. So if you do break down and go, give them a pair of lovely linen tea towels. Possibly with a picture of Charles and Diana on them.
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
splosh: Rat and Sine speak the Truth.

The bottom line of all social situations is to feel the liberating sensation of superiority: emotional, physical, relational, existential, whatever. If you can't enter the situation secure in your particular sense of superiority, and you have any say in the matter, then don't go.

On the other hand, if you've gotten over feeling vulnerable, you'll be free to be learn the skills needed to be an old lady who farts on purpose just to enjoy watching the distress of her visitors nervous about observing the proprieties.


 

---

Posted by Joyfulsoul (# 4652) on :
 
Dear Sine,

So, a friend of mine who lives on the opposite side of the coast sent me some sermon tapes (5 tapes, two hours each). I'm not really a sermon-y-type of person. I started listening but I have kind of a short attention span so its hard for me... Anyways, I know she'll want some feedback and she is really a good friend even if we have different tastes on receiving information... So, my question is what do I do? I really don't like sermons all that much or maybe its the style of the first sermon that I listened to. But I want her to know that I appreciated her sending it from such a far distance...
...so what do I do when she asks me, "How did you like them?"

sincerely,
Joyfulsoul
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joyfulsoul:
what do I do when she asks me, "How did you like them?"

---

Don't wait for her to ask. Be proactive. Call her right now and thank her effusively. Then say "Which ones do you recommended I listen to first?" Then you only have to listen to, say, two of them, just in case she asks again later.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
About this swooning while clutching pearls that ladies do: is that so no-one nicks 'em while they're down for the count?

Also, jen, you know, there is no reason to throw away the last sliver of soap. You should wait til the end of the first shower with the new one, then press the sliver onto the new one (which will be slightly softened and sticky). Over future showers it will meld in with the new one. The effect is quite pleasing and interesting, actually.

That is prolly why the yankee housewife is pissed off with you. Why waste it when you don't have to?
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
The 'stick the old sliver on the new bar' trick only works if you use a soap dish and let the soap get damp and mushy. I like my bar of soap solid, so have this nifty wall-mounted magnetic soap holder that I got in the Netherlands ages ago.

Besides, I decided I've let that housewife ghost browbeat me long enough!
 

---

Posted by Custard. (# 5402) on :
 
You have magnetic soap?
 

---

Posted by Procrastinus (# 9915) on :
 
Dear Master Sine,

Firstly, I must just say how enthralling, nay, enlightening I have found the many and various pearls of wisdom you have been gracious enough to cast amongst us your shipmates.

I seek your advice on a delicate question. Owing to a certain innate sloth and a busy and demanding life, my humble abode frequently reaches a condition where - not to put too finer point on it - I might accept a visit from my closest friends but not strangers or members of my family. Economics dictates an unfortunate lack of house staff; given this how do I politely refuse visits or entry without either giving offense or drawing undue attention to the dishabile of my home ?

Thank you so much,

Procrastinus
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Procrastinus:
how do I politely refuse visits or entry without either giving offense or drawing undue attention to the dishabile of my home ?

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Simple. When your butler answers the door just have him say "Mr. Procrastinus is not at home to callers."

Oh right. You don't have a staff. That's the problem. Well, actually the problem is you're a slob, but that's none of my business.

Now one does wonder just who the strangers are who might be banging on your door, but that too is none of my business although it does open up some interesting fields for speculation.

So what we're really probably talking about is how do you keep your mother from finding out you're living in a pigsty. Correct?

You must take a two-pronged approach.

First:

GO SEE YOUR MOTHER.

She'll have no reason to come check to see if you're dead or alive if you'd just go see here on a regular basis like a good child should. She's not going to be here forever you know. Don't break her heart.

But just in case she drops by, or if it's some other family member, keep a bath towel near the front door. As soon as the doorbell rings, strip naked and wrap yourself in the towel before answering. Then just peek around the door shyly and say "Oops. Sorry. In the shower. Another time, perhaps." and quickly slam the door shut.

Hopefully they won't notice you're dry as a bone.
 

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Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
I read about a woman who wore a coat to answer the door. IF it was someone she didn't want to see she would make her apology and say that she was just on her way out. If she did want to see them - "I have just arrived home, but do come in."

Jennifer, have you considered putting your soap slivers into an old sock and using it as a "wonderful body scrubby that lathers effortlessly". If you don't fancy the old sock, you could use the Soap Sliver Saver. I Googled 'soap slivers' can found a lovely page talking about Googling 'soap slivers'.

quote:

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Raymond Weisling wrote an essay:Stop Soap Sliver Suffering


I have been restoring the dignity and utility of these tortured, shrugged-off little entities for years, rehabilitating them to provide a little more luxuriant lather in their autumnal days. The process is simple. Soap, when wet, starts to dissolve and soften. But inside it is still quite dry. If a little sliver of soap takes a short bath in warm water it can often become supple enough to conform to the contours of its big brother, the new bar that just arrived. With a little gentle pressure these two will cling together, at first not very tenaciously, but as the relationship develops and each one absorbs something from the slippery, soppy bond, they might well become one until the lesser of the two fades away totally.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Codepoet:
would it be terribly bad form just to go home after the service? No-one would notice my absence and it would save me from a very tedious few hours.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Ariel:
Naturally, I ignored it.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
Looks like you hit a nerve with MadKaren, Codepoet. She must have charged her "guests" for drinks.

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quote:

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We've got a couple of things going on here.

First of all, they didn't invite you to the church. Not really. They told you when & where the church ceremony was going to be and invited you to the reception. You can't actually invite someone to God's house. (Well you could, but he might get mad and smite you.) If street people wander in to watch the ceremony the ushers are theoretically obligated to seat them. You can't keep people out of a church if they want to come in.

But moving on to the reception: Despite what MadKaren may or may not think, it's tacky beyond belief to pretend to be entertaining people and then ask them to shell out money for their entertainment. It. Just. Is. Period.

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quote:

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If the Happy Couple can't afford alcoholic drinks then they should be serving what they can afford, be it non-alcoholic punch or whatever. Or, on the other hand, cut the guest list to where they can afford to entertain them as they would like. But people getting married (i.e. brides) so often suffer from folie de grandeur. They want to be big shots on a budget and their friends get to pay the price, literally.

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quote:

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So, to finally get to your question: No. You can't skip the reception. But yes, once you have gone through the receiving line and congratulated the groom and expressed your best wishes to the bride (Note my careful phrasing. Don't congratulate the bride.) you may leave. You're not obligated to finance their little clambake.

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quote:

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If the reception is as big as you say it is, your friends will remember you attended and wished them well, but not how long you stayed or when you left.

Now before all you folks who made their guests pay for drinks jump my ass with your whiny explanations and excuses, I suspect there are places and cultures where it may be traditional to make the guests pay for their drinks. Maybe 19th century miners in Cornwall or millworkers in Lancashire or something. But before you pipe up, be sure you're actually from one of those traditions and not just cheap.

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So, you did agree with me in the end, Sine. I'm not sure this thread is so much about advice as a chance for you all to share your middle class worldview. However it is very educational.

MadKaren
 

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Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Middle-class? MIDDLE-CLASS?

Sine isn't middle-class, he's high-class, upper-crust, genuine Mr Manners.


 

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Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :
 
He was all over me like white on rice when I almost referred to him as "bourgeois" the other day. This is going to really raise his dander. He'll be home from ushering soon, and there'll be heck to pay.

(I do agree that wedding receptions have gotten totally out of hand, yet another reason to be thankful for hanging out with teetotalers.)
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by MadKaren:
Sine. I'm not sure this thread is so much about advice as a chance for you all to share your middle class worldview.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Codepoet:
Sine,
A couple of friends of mine are getting married (to each other). It is an honour for me to be invited to attend the wedding. However the reception afterwards is going to be of the "pile them high and sell them cheap" variaty, with a finger buffet and a guests having to buy their own drinks. Since they are going to have a gazzillion guests too, would it be terribly bad form just to go home after the service? No-one would notice my absence and it would save me from a very tedious few hours.

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This reminds me of a wedding invitation I recieved that said the reception was in the church hall, there would be a Bible study and could we bring our own sandwiches. I chose not to go to any of it on the grounds I'm allergic to sanctimony.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
What a gem, Chive. The touch about the sandwiches just makes it.

I thought the wedding I went to where we were treated to a 50 minute sermon in which the happy couple were exhorted to 'existenialize the dialectic of marriage' was prime, but that at least had a decent reception at a hotel.

[ 21. August 2005, 16:44: Message edited by: Firenze ]
 

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Posted by Rat (# 3373) on :
 
I'm painting a target on my bottom, I know, but...

I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where the drinks were free.

The most I'd expect would be either a glass of champagne brought round between the service and the meal (during that horrible period while the family are getting their photos taken and everybody else has to mill around uncomfortably); or first drink at the bar free during that time. And wine with the meal, if it's sit down.

(Assuming this is a traditional wedding, of course - many of my friends just met their mates down the pub after the registry office.)

But at the evening reception you're on your own. You might get a wee glass of something on arrival, but even that isn't compulsory.

Maybe I just know really mean people. Or Scots drink too much to make an open bar practical.
 

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Posted by chive (# 208) on :
 
I agree Rat. In my experience in Scotland one is far more likely to have an open bar at a funeral than a wedding.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by The Coot:
Dear Sine

I am acquainted with a stunning lesbian couple and can foresee our friendship growing stronger. Is there any term such as 'fag hag' or 'fruitfly' that could apply to a gentleman who is found in the company of lesbians? I know you are a man of the world - and if there is such a term, you would know it.

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quote:

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Originally posted by MadKaren:
So, you did agree with me in the end, Sine. I'm not sure this thread is so much about advice as a chance for you all to share your middle class worldview. However it is very educational.

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quote:

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Originally posted by The Coot:
Is there any term such as 'fag hag' or 'fruitfly' that could apply to a gentleman who is found in the company of lesbians?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

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Originally posted by The Coot:
Is there any term such as 'fag hag' or 'fruitfly' that could apply to a gentleman who is found in the company of lesbians?

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This sort of relationship is of course rarer than the 'fag hag' version. But if you must have a term, you might be called either a 'dyke tyke' or 'Dutch boy'.

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... or just VERY LUCKY. Isn't this the stuff of fantasy?
 

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Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Linen blazer-wearing Host on

Sine and MadKaren: You are both familiar enough with Heaven to know personal attacks aren't allowed.

Sine, you've apologized, so there's nothing more I need say on your end.

MK, take it to Hell if you want to continue in that vein. I'm not asking for an apology, just saying don't make personal attacks in Heaven.

Linen blazer-wearing Host off
 

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Posted by The Prophetess (# 1439) on :
 
Dear Sine,

Recently my husband and I returned from a lovely trip abroad to find (in the mountain of mail awaiting us) an anonymous letter accusing us of having left our garbage cans in an offensively conspicuous spot for maybe three days before our departure. It was signed "Your neighbors on X Lane." The possibility of our contributing to falling property values was mentioned.

The letter provided us with a good laugh and also led to our discussing how we might cause as many sleepless nights as possible to what is obviously our own personal Blockfuehrer, without excessive inconvenience to ourselves. I would be curious to hear your thoughts on the matter.
 

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Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Oh dear. I've been meaning to leave an anonymous note to the thoughtless jerk neighbor who parks his/her SUV too close to the alley entrance I use to get to and from my parking area in the back of my house. I can't see to pull out and am going to get creamed some morning. So I'm really not the best person to ask.

I live in an inner-city neighborhood with small (50') lots, so one needs almost a Japanese sense of courtesy to get along. You've also got to pretend not to see and hear stuff too.

And one of my tenants left her garbage bags on the fire escape last night rather than carrying them down to the trash cans, so I'm really, really not the best person to ask.

I guess you've got put your ego aside and ask yourself if where you left your garbage cans actually was unsightly. Also deliberately annoying neighbors can be dangerous. You never know when you're living next door to a nut with a gun. I'd be cautious if I were you.
 

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Posted by The Prophetess (# 1439) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
You never know when you're living next door to a nut with a gun.

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Yes, that had occurred to us too. <sigh> So now every time the garbage is collected we dutifully put away the damn cans.

You know, of course, Sine, that if you ever were to write that anonymous letter, the very paper it was written on would scream out your name.
 

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Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 
Well yes. I thought of that. The only paper I have around here is Crane's and has my name and address engraved on it, but I could always cut it off.

Which does raise the question "Should anonymous threats be written on full size sheets or informals?"

I'm guessing anonymous threats should be brief such as "You and yours are all going to die if you don't move your frickin SUV" so informals would be suitable.

But do make sure you center them properly on the page and only use blue or blue/black ink.
 

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Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
Oooh dear!

I thought that red ink was most suitable for writing threatening notes. I fear I have made a faux pas.
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
If I might offer an alternative suggestion, I would have thought one thing to do might be to get a copy of some suitable newspaper or magazine and cut out the relevant words, or letters if necessary, and assemble them on a pleasing and tasteful sheet of plain cream paper.
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
There might be a difficulty approaching the necessary level of uncouth belligerence with only the Guardian and the London Review of Books for source material.

And cream? Winter white would surely set off newsprint more effectively?
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Or the Times and Country Life.

"Dear Sir, I regret that I am forced to inform you that unless you remove your XXXX from my XXXX, your estate will be overrun with hunt saboteurs, foxes will dig holes in your paddock, and your economy will suffer badly from an above-inflation rise with effect from the next budget."
 

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Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :
 
Dear Sine:

I am in an informal caregiving situation with my 80-something mother. One of my tasks is taking Mother grocery shopping. To my distress, when we enter the supermarket, Mother begins treating me as if I were a small, wayward child, loudly chiding me for any number of things, usually involving my own grocery list ("Why are you looking at that? You're not going to buy any of that, are you?" "You're spending too much money" "Why do you always have to buy something different?" "Now, don't you buy any of that"), speaking loudly about other, anonymous shoppers ("Do you see the way she's dressed? Tsk!" "He looks like he's 'on' something"), or informing me of the latest manifestation of her own (usually gastrointestinal) ailments.

What is the polite way, if any, to respond to this running supermarket commentary? So far, my response has been to assume an expression of martyrdom as other shoppers pass us, as if to say, "Yes, she's been like this for awhile now." (Actually Mom is as sharp as a tack, and I think her shtik is some sort of passive-agression on her part.)
 

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Posted by maleveque (# 132) on :
 
Lutheranchik:
Do you have Peapod where you live?
Have your groceries delivered - it doesn't cost a whole lot and you avoid all those embarrassing scenes.
Anne L.
 

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Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
If I might be permitted to poke my nose into the garbage disposal problem...

Anna, why not use one of these to diguise your 'unsightly' rubbish bin? (It's the horticultural equivalent of the knitted tea cosy that some folks here use to hide their loo rolls under). Train a couple of rose bushes up the sides and your neighbours will soon be thanking you for raising property values, not lowering them.
 

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Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by LutheranChik:
What is the polite way, if any, to respond to this running supermarket commentary? So far, my response has been to assume an expression of martyrdom as other shoppers pass us, as if to say, "Yes, she's been like this for awhile now." (Actually Mom is as sharp as a tack, and I think her shtik is some sort of passive-agression on her part.)

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I'm not sure that a mere man™ has much insight to offer on the Mother/Daughter Wars. We probably need input from our resident expert on the subject, Spiffy da Wonder Sheep. Of course you'd think I'd know something about it, having watched my grandmother and my aunt, my mother and my other grandmother, and my sister and our mother go at it for all those years.

But shopping with the elderly is fraught with landmines. I remember taking my grandmother on her semi-annual visit to Merle Norman Cosmetics at the mall in Raleigh, one of my jobs when visiting her in the summer. The poor little sales girl (she looked to be a teen-ager) had to break it to my grandmother that the particular shade of foundation she'd used for twenty-five years was no longer available. The wrath of God broke over the young lady's head. My grandmother was nearly screaming "But what do you expect me to use? What do you expect me to use?" Lord, it was embarrassing.

Looking back though, it was just my grandmother's fear and inability to deal with change that brought out all that emotion. I wonder how your mother really feels about not being able to do her own grocery shopping any more. I wonder how I'll feel when the time comes. Of course I'll be grateful if some kind soul will take me grocery shopping, but I bet I'll be snippy and difficult too*. Because I have a real hard time admitting gratitude and because I'm fearful of what old age may bring. I just hope someone will put up with me.

Of couse if you really wanted to infuriate your mother you could start calling her "dear" in a sickly sweet voice, as in "Now, now dear, don't you worry about what I buy." If she inquires why, inform her "Well, if you're going to talk to me like a child, I'm going to talk to you like an old bat."

(*Actually I'm already snippy and difficult. Just wanted to say it before somebody else did.)
 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
Despite it being a pain to make two trips, I'd just take her to do her own shopping. She'll grouse about you wasting time, but you can protest that it's nothing and that you can tell that the double shopping trip is wearing on her although she's been too polite to mention it.
 

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Posted by Procrastinus (# 9915) on :
 
On a purely practical note, is your grocery store nice enough - or Mum a long standing enough customer - for you to drop her off to do her shopping with the help of 'a nice young man' (shop staff).

Then you could pick her up afterwards for a coffee and bun + mother daughter bonding, around whether said 'nice young man' had a decent hair cut or the good manners you used to be able to expect back in the day.

Tesco and M&S are very good to my ninetyish grandmother, carrying her bags etc.

Wishing you joy and a sufficient stock of patience,

Prock
 

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Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :
 
Sine Nomine notes:

quote:

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I wonder how I'll feel when the time comes. Of course I'll be grateful if some kind soul will take me grocery shopping, but I bet I'll be snippy and difficult too. Because I have a real hard time admitting gratitude and because I'm fearful of what old age may bring. I just hope someone will put up with me.

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Me too. I'm hoping to find a nice codependent partner who will fuss over me in my cantankerous old age and stay my hand before I start whacking bystanders with my footed cane.

Re other suggestions: We don't have delivery service here in the wilds of Michigan, and even if we did I suspect it would generate its own set of complaints ("They didn't send the right brand!"). I have had some success with doing stealth shopping on my own -- especially the sort of crunchy-granola and ethnic foods I tend to favor.

I might have to just spend less time at the shopping cart -- my role being primarily chauffeur, reacher-of-objects-on-top-shelves and bag girl, I don't have to shepherd Mom throughout the store. "Oh -- I think you forgot something! Let me go find it!..."

[Code. Preview post is your friend.]

[ 23. August 2005, 06:28: Message edited by: KenWritez ]
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Ariel:
If I might offer an alternative suggestion, I would have thought one thing to do might be to get a copy of some suitable newspaper or magazine and cut out the relevant words, or letters if necessary, and assemble them on a pleasing and tasteful sheet of plain cream paper.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
You know, I just tried to lay down for my afternoon nap but felt something was wrong.

MadKaren, I let my ego get the best of me, and I shouldn't have. I apologize for being snarky on what should be a light-hearted little Heaven thread.

-Sine

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quote:

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I'm not sure this thread is so much about advice as a chance for you all to share your middle class worldview

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quote:

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Originally posted by KenWritez:
MadKaren; I flagged your quote

quote:

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I'm not sure this thread is so much about advice as a chance for you all to share your middle class worldview

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as a personal attack because in my judgment the connotation of your comment was patronizingly dismissive of Sine's culture and that of all the participating Shipmates on this thread. You may not have meant such, but that's what came across. (To me, anyway.)

Text mediums are tricksy things in a human world.

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quote:

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I believe that the prohibition against guests' showing up empty-handed/empty-pursed is a contemporary innovation.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Catrine:
I mean your company is marvellous, but it seems like you are freeloading otherwise.

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Oh dear! I hardly know what to say. Gracious. Oh my. Uhm...

Well you see, theoretically you did invite them for their company. I'm thinking any host or hostess who feels like their invited guests are freeloading probably shouldn't be entertaining. The whole point (supposedly) is to give pleasure to one's friends.

There is, of course, the supposition that they will at some point in the future entertain you in return. That's why they don't need to bring anything to, uh, "pay" (oh dear) for their meal up front.

Although people do frequently bring wine to help replenish one's cellar. But I'd rather they invited me back for dinner.

(Now all of that said, in this day and age if I know I'm being invited to a very casual get-together, I'll ask if I can bring something. I don't actually expect to be taken up on the offer though. Not since student days.)

I'm sorry. I have to go lie down now.
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Sine, would a cold compress on your fevered brow be any help?
 

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Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 
I'm guessing his brow is plenty cool. Maybe a fevered compress would help. Oh, nevermind. This is heaven.
 

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Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
are we sure it's his brow that needs compression?
 

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Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 
Yes, his discretion knows no bounds.
 

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Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
Dear Sine,

Since we are all recovering from the recent unpleasant situation, may I pose a more philosophical question.

Due to the combination of normal breakage and loss, combined with the particular eating habits in our household which favor particular dishes and utensils, our stock of everyday dishes and cutlery has become extremely lopsided -- the things we use the most are the ones we have the least number of.

I have been debating about breaking into the good china and the silverplate to make up the gaps, but hesitate to infect those sets with this same virus of loss.

On the other hand, I truly can't imagine either of my children giving a hoot about any of this stuff (they have refused to learn how to cook, much less entertain).

Would it be a sin to move some teaspoons from the Pacific Cloth drawer to the caddy on the kitchen countertop?

Abjectly,

Jennifer
 

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Posted by Catrine (# 9811) on :
 
Apologies Sine, on a bit of a selfish wave there. Perhaps I should invite you round for a cup of tea ( and I won't expect you to bring any biscuits ).

The error of my ways are now apparent...
 

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Posted by Rat (# 3373) on :